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sarah is five and the basement door slams shut behind her, and she doesn’t understand why because all the other little girls are allowed to go out and play so why can’t she, but then she remembers that big ugly world that her parents whisper when they think she can’t hear them but she can, and she tries so hard to say it but it’s such a big word for such a little girl and she knows that it starts with an A but it’s such a hard word and she hasn’t even learned her letters yet.
sarah is seven and it’s cold in the basement, and ephraim snuck down to see her with a piece of taffy in his pocket, but it’s so cold and she’s shivering and he stands there and stares because i’m not supposed to feel bad but i do and she’s so small and cold and he gives her his jacket and she’s so scared to take it but finally she does, and she gobbles down the taffy and ephraim talks to her and it’s so nice because no one ever talks to her anymore.
sarah is nine and her hands are covered in ink and she’s just filled her third notebook of the week and her stories aren’t good but she’s trying and that’s what matters, and soon ephraim will need to bring her another notebook but maybe he won’t because he’s been so distant lately, and what if he hates her now?
sarah is eleven and ephraim never visits and he hits her now but so does everyone else and they have been for years and sarah doesn’t think it will ever stop, but at least sylvie is nice and her new baby is so sweet and she even let sarah hold her once, and now sylvie brings the notebooks and sarah writes more stories and she writes for the baby and sometimes she’s happy.
sarah is thirteen and sylvie says that she’s becoming a woman and she doesn’t understand it but mama buys her a corset and it’s the newest thing she’s owned in years and for once mama doesn’t hit her when she helps her get dressed, and sarah relishes that moment because for a second mama seems happy and then sarah turns around and their eyes meet and mama looks angry and sarah isn’t happy anymore.
sarah is fifteen and ephraim is in college now and soon he’ll be a doctor, and harold is at the mill and mama is still so angry and papa ignores her and she wonders if she’ll ever leave this place, but she keeps writing her stories and now sylvie’s baby is old enough to hear them, and sarah reads her the stories and forgets about what happens.
sarah is eighteen and the children are sick and she’s crying and screaming and begging for someone to help them but no one does, and mama and papa only yell at her and harold wants to hit her, and ephraim wants her in the hospital but mama is too afraid of the gossip, but sarah keeps begging and crying and she screams and screams and screams, but no one ever comes and the children just keep dying and she’s screaming and no one is helping, and ephraim laughs, except he’s crying too and he doesn’t know it yet.
sarah is nineteen and ephraim is yelling and everything hurts and he won’t stop because he’s so angry at the world and she’s begging him and he wants a confession but there’s none to give because he knows that he’s guilty, and he says that she’s not his sister when he knows that she is, but he has to justify this somehow, and sarah is screaming and it hurts so much and she tried so hard and the children are dying and no one is saving them and no one will save her, and she’s crying and screaming and sylvie is crying and her baby is crying, and then sarah is gone and the children are gone, and everything is gone.