Chapter Text
Just over a week later, Clara decided to make a bold move with John. She hadn’t forgotten their souffle moment, not even a second of it, and found it outrageous that the only texts they had exchanged since had been about the plumbing in their building.
‘Hey, no pressure if you’re busy but I was wondering if you’d want to come to the National Gallery on Saturday.’
Suddenly tense at how awkward the text felt, Clara added -
‘I don’t know too many people at my school yet, you know?’
When John heard his phone make a noise at him, he knew at once it was Clara, because he’d never turned on notifications for anything until he got her number.
Excitement welled up within him like rushing water when he read over her proposal, though he tried to calm the tide. Clearing his throat as if someone was there to hear him, he typed,
‘That sounds good. My students don’t need to know I haven’t read their essays.’
‘So it’s ok?’
‘Of course.’
‘2pm?’
‘I’ll be at my door.’
‘See you, John.’
Clara placed her phone on her desk and exhaled slowly. Somehow, it felt like things were finally getting into motion.
**********
When Saturday arrived John felt his resolve suddenly leave him. He could just say he was ill, not go outside at all, and tinker all day as he usually did at weekends. It wasn’t that his interest for Clara had vanished, but rather the opposite - he had no clue how she could make him feel, now that they’d actually arranged to spend time alone together - but he didn’t underestimate her.
He heard the faint clack of Clara’s heels in the hallway before she even knocked on his door. It was happening, no matter his feelings.
‘Hi,’ he said whilst stepping out of his apartment and glancing briefly at her surprisingly high shoes. ‘Need to reach a shelf or something?’
Clara rolled her eyes in mock annoyance. ‘It’s called fashion, Mr T-shirt and hoodie.’
‘Whatever you say,’ he shrugged. ‘Off we go then?’
She smiled. ‘Sure.’
Walking up the steps to the gallery, the air suddenly began to feel awkward, almost timid, not an emotion either of them were particularly accustomed to. Clara’s thoughts spiralled, imagining how painful it would be if their conversation dried up.
But whatever either of them expected, the moment they stepped into the art gallery, they entered a whole new world together - containing no one but them. Together they roamed each grand hallway pointing and whispering and appreciating, Clara often giggling at his bold comments about painters which she could hardly believe. Passing portraits of long dead royals, Greek myths and lives of centuries past, they hardly noticed as the hours slipped away. Clara brushed past John, John brushed past Clara, each of them eager to become closer.
The only thing Clara did notice, however, was how painful her heels were getting. Eventually she sat on one of the benches with a sigh, flexing her painful feet slowly.
‘Are you ok?’ John asked.
Clara brushed him off. ‘Ah, it’s nothing. Don’t know why I thought wearing new shoes was a good idea at all.’
‘All of this and you didn’t even have to reach a shelf.’
‘Oi!’ she retorted, laughing slightly. ‘I’m fine. We can keep going if you want.’
John shook his head. ‘No, I don’t think we should. Coffee?’
‘Don’t think I couldn’t keep going, because I definitely could.’
‘Oh, I’m sure you can. I also just happen to want coffee.’
Clara gave in, secretly glad he gave her a compelling reason not to be stubborn. ‘All right then…you win.’
**********
Sitting across a table from John, Clara found the opportunity to look into his eyes properly again. They were still such a mystery to her.
‘So,’ she asked, ‘did you do anything before teaching?’
John took another sip of his sweet coffee and glanced at her furtively before answering. ‘Just travelled, really. Like all young people trying to ‘find themselves,’ I guess.’
She leant back into her chair. ‘Do you think it worked?’
‘Worked?’
‘I don’t know, did you have any kind of epiphany?’
John chuckled. ‘If only it were that easy. After a while I just settled for this.’
He looked back at Clara carefully. He didn’t quite know how close to play his cards. Meanwhile, Clara’s heart thudded in her chest, anticipating the boldness of the question she was about to ask.
‘Ever…meet anyone?’
John almost choked on his coffee, swallowing deeply to clear his throat. He could see how intently Clara was looking at him from over her mug, how her warm brown eyes seemed to be widening. Was it all in his head?
‘When you get to my age you meet a lot of people,’ he replied. ‘For me, I guess nothing really…stuck.’
Clara nodded and smiled. ‘Then maybe you’re still looking - looking for yourself, I mean.’
‘I think it’s too late for that,’ he said, darkening temporarily.
‘Why?’
‘Things never change, do they?’
Clara grinned and leaned forward. ‘I don’t think you really believe that.’
John felt the corners of his mouth lift slightly. As always, it felt like she’d just won - at what, he wasn’t sure.
‘I suppose I’ll have to wait and see then, won’t I?’ he responded, finishing the last sip of his coffee.
**********
‘Frank called you a ‘lady-killer,’ you know that?’ Clara told Danny as they took their break in the staff room. It was already October, a few days after her museum trip with John.
Danny sighed. ‘I think he often introduces me like that, but I really don’t think I’d use those exact words for myself.’
‘Yeah, I mean I hope there weren’t too many women on the opposite end of your soldiering,’ Clara joked, giving him a playful nudge. Danny tensed a little.
‘We did hold a level of responsibility in the army, you know,’ he replied seriously. ‘I’d like to think there’s a moral dimension to being a soldier these days.’
‘I was just joking,’ she deflected.
For a moment there was an awful silence.
‘Oh, uh, I think I’ve left some stuff in my class,'' Danny said, trying to leave. ‘But I’ll see you later, yeah?’
Clara, exasperated and flustered by the painful moment, practically blurted the next thing in her head.
‘Er, are you going to Cathy’s leaving thing tonight? I’ll give you a lift. I mean, I’d be very happy to.’
Danny stood there silently for a second. ‘Um, sorry, I think I have…reading to do.’
‘Oh, sure. Another time then,’ she replied.
Danny left the staff room in a hurry and Clara exhaled to collect herself. She hadn’t really meant to ask him out on a date so quickly - especially since a certain other man, who she was spending probably more time with, lurked at the back of her mind at all times.
Walking slowly out the room, she made a choice she hoped she wouldn’t regret, because it was Danny Pink, and not John Smith, who was the safe option right now. But even this rationalisation didn’t stop her feeling like she was betraying John.
Down the corridor, a banging against a wooden surface could be heard coming from a maths classroom. Clara walked over and waited patiently whilst Danny assaulted the desk with his face.
She cleared her throat. ‘Ahem.’
He looked up with a sense of dread. ‘How long have you been there?’
‘Longer than you would like. If I take you out for a drink, do you promise to look less terrified?’
Danny smiled. ‘I think I can do that - no, I absolutely can.’
**********
That evening, John and Clara met on the stairs, as they had developed a habit of doing. John had to engineer this situation by rushing some of his work at the end of the day, but it was worth it. Clara knew it wasn’t purely coincidence too, but would hardly complain.
‘Good day?’ he asked, noticing her smile.
Clara checked herself, trying to seem more neutral. ‘Yeah. Well, the usual. Just a normal day at the school.’
‘You really have hit the jackpot with your job then,’ he said. ‘Though I can’t fathom what your pudding brains could possibly muster to make you so happy,’ he added, almost suspicious. Teenagers, in his limited experience, were not usually rays of sunshine.
Quickly she turned away, blushing. ‘It’s really just that I think I’m fitting in there, ok?’
He recoiled a little bit. His mounting suspicions had turned into almost a certainty, and what was worse, he actually felt jealous of whoever Clara had met. But he tried to brush it off. After all, it could be nothing. More importantly, they didn’t have anything. Nothing he could admit.
‘Well, you know, that’s great,’ he replied after a conspicuous pause.
Clara reached her door and opened it efficiently, not lingering as she usually did. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to spend time with him, but somehow it felt different talking to him when she had already arranged a date with Danny.
There’s nothing going on between us, there isn’t. Clara felt herself repeating the same mantra about John, though each time didn’t make it feel like any less of a lie.
‘Goodnight, Clara,’ he said.
‘You too, John,’ she answered, smiling.
Once inside, and no longer looking at her face, John felt a wave of sadness at the sudden change in their conversations. He wanted to spend more time with her, but that possibility seemed to be getting smaller, shrinking into the distance.
Yet even safely in her own flat, Clara was still thinking about John again. She didn’t question why she was so excited to see him again tomorrow, there in the stairwell, sharing a little moment all for themselves.