Chapter Text
Astrid left in a huff. After Stoick had managed to peacekeep the argument (AKA, clout Spitelout around the head), all the usual guilt that came flooding in after she lashed out arrived. The ‘why would you do that?’s and the ‘you had no right’s and the ‘stop getting so angry over nothing’s.
Upon leaving the Great Hall and the disgruntled mutterings of the other Council members behind, she shoved her hands in her pockets and looked up at the greyed skies. Rain, wonderful. Some part of her had hoped it would’ve stopped by now, but this was Berk, so what was she thinking?
But as she stepped carefully down the soaked stairs, she spotted two figures by the forge across the square. Right. Snotlout and Hiccup had both left. Guilt washed over her yet again. Why had she been participating in an argument that made the very person being treated wrong grow uncomfortable and leave?
Wary, she approached from behind just in time to see Snotlout pull him into an embrace. She paused, raising her eyebrows. That was possibly the last thing she expected to see. She didn’t know which surprised her more, Snotlout or Hiccup.
Clearing her throat, she stepped closer, watching her step in the mud. “Hey,”
Both men hastily let each other go, turning around.
“Astrid.” Snotlout said, putting his helmet back on. Hiccup said nothing.
“Is everything alright?” She asked.
Hiccup nodded, but Snotlout was the only one speaking. “Yeah, it’s fine.”
Astrid took a breath, embarking on things she knew she had to say but really didn’t want to. “Listen, I just wanted to apologise for, you know,” She fiddled with her hands, watching the rain splash and puddle in the dips and grooves on the ground. “Getting worked up, I know it’s not my place or anything. I,” She pursed her lips, grumbling. “I know I have a problem.”
Snotlout scoffed, smiling. “I think everyone knows by now that you don’t mean to.”
“That’s worse.” She groaned.
Hiccup spoke up and anytime she heard his voice, she found herself unable to pay attention to anything else.
He shook his head. “You don’t have to apologise, I’m.” He took a breath, “grateful, because you always seem to voice what I’m not strong enough to say.”
Astrid’s whole being seemed to swell with emotion as she looked at him, not expecting to meet his gaze. There was nothing but genuine sincerity there and it made her throat tight.
Before it could be classed as weird, Snotlout cleared his throat, gagging. “Gross.”
She scoffed, whacking his arm with the back of her hand to which he responded with a mildly offended look and a chuckle before continuing. “Well, if you’re really going back to Coal Caves in a few days, man, then shouldn’t we make the most of what might be your last chance at free will?”
Hiccup smiled slightly. “I suppose so.” He looked up at the sky. “Though not sure what this really lends itself to.”
“Uh,” Snotlout scoffed, like it was obvious. “A trip, obviously.”
“A trip?” Astrid frowned. It wasn’t like she didn’t like the idea, no, she was all for it. But… “Don’t you want to train? For whatever might—”
“No.” Hiccup cut her off, quicker than he intended. “No, definitely not. These are potentially my final days here.” He swallowed, mumbling. “I’d rather spend them here, instead of thinking about over there.”
She nodded, doing her best to hide the blooming feeling in her chest. “Yeah, makes sense to me.”
“With all of us?” Snotlout asked.
He shrugged. “Don’t see why not.”
Astrid smiled, looking down as Snotlout continued. “Well, I’ll go find the twins and get them to meet us at Gothi’s? Fishlegs’ll be there, see.”
“Sure.” She said. Hiccup nodded, and they watched him run off towards his hut, where Hookfang would be.
Astrid blinked, watching him for longer than necessary. She couldn’t even blame herself for it, either, because the thought of being alone with Hiccup again made her feel some type of way she didn’t know how to explain. Or maybe she didn’t have the guts to, who knows. Not her, not yet, that was for sure.
“So…” Hiccup mumbled, pushing his heel through the sludged gravel.
She chuckled, looking at him. Now wasn’t the time to get all…awkward. “How have the past few days been?” Really? She couldn’t chastise herself more if she tried: what part of that wasn’t awkward?
“Just working.” He said, raking his soaked hair back. “You?”
She let out a long breath, looking around. “Yeah…same.”
Humming, he held his hand over his brow. “We should get out of the rain, go up to Gothi.”
Astrid laughed, following him. “You are that woman’s nightmare.”
“Me?” He scoffed, glancing back at her.
“Yes, you.” She said, picking up the pace. “She’ll see you and cry inside thinking she’s going to have another massive job on her hands.”
Hiccup chuckled, shaking his head.
After deciding to give Stormfly a rest (the dragon surprisingly wasn’t too fond of rain, which Hiccup said was crazy for a Berkian dragon, but Astrid stuck up for her), the pair flew up on Toothless to Gothi’s hut atop the Great Hall. Hearing a knock, Fishlegs came to the door, interrupting them mid conversation. He squinted, glancing at Toothless’ wing over their heads. Despite Hookfang and the other dragons on the perch trying to distract him, the night fury remained steadfast in his determination to keep the two Vikings dry.
“Hurry up, come in.” Fishlegs said, stepping aside.
“Is Snotlout here yet?” Astrid asked. Hiccup followed her in, grabbing a decent sized tuna from the barrel and tossing it to Toothless before the door closed.
“Mhm.” Fishlegs nodded, gesturing. A rather drenched looking Snotlout, along with a slightly drier pair of twins, were stood in the hut’s living room. “You guys are lucky there’s no one here I need to treat right now.”
“Uh, treat us.” Tuffnut protested, “With,” he grinned, “Treats.” He very quickly received an elbow to the gut by his sister, who promptly ignored him and bounded over to Astrid. Pulling her in for a hug, which naturally caused Astrid to go stiff as a board. Noticing, Hiccup snickered, walking past them further into the room.
“Right then, what’s this about?” Fishlegs asked.
Snotlout took the reigns. “Well, I don’t know if we’re supposed to tell you this yet, but,”
“Probably not.” Astrid said.
“But,” He continued, “In a few days, Hiccup’s going to have to go back to Coal Caves and—”
The twins burst out with questions and protests, whilst Fishlegs just shot him a worried look.
“Shut up.” Snotlout snapped, pushing his hand in Tuff’s face. “Anyway.” He cleared his throat. “In a few days, Hiccup’s going to have to go back to Coal Caves, and we figured it’d be cool if we could all do something together, like a trip or something before he goes, like old times.”
The twins murmured amongst themselves, but Fishlegs was the first to speak.
“I’d love to, really.” He said, smiling sadly. “But Gothi’s sick, so I’m afraid I won’t be able to go anywhere until she recovers and, well, time is of the essence it seems.”
Astrid pulled a face. “That sucks.”
“Leave her here.” Ruffnut grumbled, only to be given a group glare that forced her to raise her hands in surrender.
“What about you guys?” Snotlout turned to them. “Free?”
“Man, it’s the fishing expedition tomorrow.” Tuffnut groaned, “Bucket and Mulch won’t bring enough fish without us.”
Begrudgingly, he agreed, turning back to Hiccup and Astrid. “I guess it’s just us, then.”
Since time was indeed of the essence, just as Fishlegs had said, they made a plan (AKA an excuse) to leave the island on a ‘trip to gather medicinal supplies’ and decided to set off in the morning. Before leaving Gothi’s hut, though, Hiccup had mustered his last remaining social energy for the day into saying a few words. Something along the lines of ‘I’ve really missed you all’ and some sort of apology for ‘causing so much hassle and worry’. And an extra special mention went to the sappy statement of ‘you guys mean a lot to me even if I don’t speak much’.
Hiccup did not wish to ever relive the experience of stumbling over his words and looking anywhere but at their faces ever again. Mortifying. But he didn’t know if he’d ever come back from Coal Caves, or if he’d even survive, and he did not want to leave this world without making sure they knew, even if it was in the most pathetic attempt at English sentences he’d ever seen.
And, though he may not have wanted to relive his patchwork speech again, he wished he could hold onto the moment of laughter forever. Where everyone seemed to, not hug, but just…be together. Smiling, talking over each other.
Like he was a kid again, and none of this ever happened.
He smiled, watching Fishlegs ramble incessantly about how he wanted any notes on anything they saw. But then the smile almost felt…wrong, tainted by a sorrow so deep it genuinely felt like it struck his heart.
Gods, what has this world done to us?
He couldn’t shake the thought that this was how it was meant to be.
***
Toothless landed on the perch off Gothi’s hut in the early hours of the morning while the air was still crisp enough you could taste it. Dismounting, Hiccup returned Astrid’s smile and approached Fishlegs, who was waiting at the door.
He handed him a saddlebag. “Here’s your supplies.” He said.
Hiccup took them, peering inside. “Thanks.”
“It’s just two days of rations.” Astrid chuckled. “In case something happens and we need that much.”
Once he’d clipped it onto Toothless’ saddle—something the night fury had almost forgotten how to wear—he turned and frowned. “Where’s Snotlout?”
“Ah, right, yeah.” Fishlegs rooted in his pocket. “He told me to tell you that something came up at home and he wouldn’t be able to make it either, and that he was sorry.”
Hiccup’s heart sank as he watched Fishlegs pull out a crumpled piece of paper. Spitelout. Gods, what he wouldn’t give to see his uncle get the karma he deserved, but he knew he likely never would. And that Snotlout wouldn’t be the only one to go through it. Hel, he probably wasn’t even the only one in the village to suffer in secret like that.
“Did he say what was wrong?” Astrid asked, “Is he alright?”
Fishlegs shrugged. “He just said he couldn’t make it.”
“It’s fine,” Hiccup nodded, wanting to get the topic away for Snotlout’s sake. “Stuff happens.”
He scoffed lightly. “Right, stuff happens.” He said, handing him the sheet.
Stormfly shifted, antsy to set off as Astrid kept her grounded. “What’s it say?” She asked.
The second he opened it, Hiccup almost choked. Instantly, he scrunched it up and tossed it into the fire with needless force, eyes wide.
She scoffed, laughing. “What did it say?”
“He’s just messing around.” He mumbled, mounting Toothless and ignoring the way the night fury laughed at him knowingly. “Shut up,” He whispered, smiling forcefully.
The piece of paper, in cousin fashion, only had one word, followed by an obnoxiously big smiley face.
‘Kiss’. Smiley face. Large, staring, mocking smiley face.
He would die before he told her what that thing said.
Fishlegs waved them off after a dozen needless reminders about the supplies he actually did need and where to find them. By the time they actually left, it felt like leaving an overbearing mother, something Astrid knew far too well to the point it made her laugh. Fishlegs would make an interesting father, that was for sure.’
“Don’t be stupid.” She laughed, glancing at him as they flew. It’d only been twenty minutes and already she just wanted to stop. Being on dragonback like this felt…too far. Not that she’d ever admit that to a single breathing soul except possibly Stormfly. Possibly.
“I’m not!” Hiccup spluttered. “It literally only rained there like, once a month. On my life.” He held his hand up.
She eyed him. “Yeah, right. It’s not that far from here, how can it possibly rain so little while here it rains permanently?”
“I guess it is outside the archipelago, to be fair, but I don’t know.” He shook his head, “I guess we should be thankful it’s not raining today then.”
“Yet.” She said pointedly, “There is time, dear Hiccup. Trust me, there is time.”
He chuckled, looking around. “Speaking of, I wanted to say…”
“You’ve done a lot of ‘wanting to say’s recently.” She said, backing down once he shot her a look.
“No, for real, I just wanted to put it out there that I know we haven’t been talking this past week, really.”
She took a breath. “Ah.”
“And, you know, I didn’t really want it to become a thing.”
“A thing?”
“You know, us not speaking.”
She smiled at her hands, running her fingers idly over Stormfly’s scales.
“Unless, of course,” He continued to ramble. “You have a reason for not speaking, then I wouldn’t force you, obviously.” He laughed nervously, shutting up.
Astrid snorted. “Don’t be stupid.” She said, “I didn’t mean to not speak, I,” she paused, “I hope you didn’t…either?”
He shook his head. “No, no I didn’t. I guess I just don’t really know how to handle…” He took in a breath, letting it out in an ironic huff, “Me.”
“You?” She quirked an eyebrow. “I’d say you handle yourself fine.”
“Not like that, I mean,” He glanced at her. Gods, how was he supposed to put this? It wasn’t like he even knew what he was trying to say himself. “People, I guess, I’m not good at people. On account of…growing up,” He wrinkled his nose—I’m butchering this—“Not, around people. I probably missed a lot of, how do you say, normal things, being at the Academy.”
She just watched him, utterly bemused expression on her face that he didn’t catch until he looked at her. Scoffing, he swerved Toothless closer, making Stormfly jostle.
“It’s not funny!” He grumbled.
“Hey!” She exclaimed, steadying herself and laughing. “I didn’t say it was funny. Although, it was funny.”
He went for her again, but she was ready this time and swerved. “Listen, listen.” She chuckled. “I understand, and it’s not just you. I don’t think either of us are very good at…”
At what? At what, Astrid? Thor Almighty, she didn’t know. She wanted to say ‘it’, but what was ‘it’? Truth be told, the thought of having that conversation, whatever it may be, made her want to be sick. So, she followed his not-so-subtle escape.
“People. Not very good at people.” She said, looking down. “Especially you, it seems.”
Suddenly the clouds became very interesting as he swallowed, looking anywhere but her. “Yeah.” He murmured, “Although, I realised pretty recently that I never really…thanked you for not being an ass about anything you’ve seen or thought or found out. So I guess even if you aren’t very good at it like me, you’re doing an alright job.” He smiled at his hands. “Though, I suppose that’s a total fluke, then, and you’re not actually any good at all.”
She mocked offense, “No, no, I take it back, I am very good at people and I did actually do everything on purpose and thought it all through knowing I would be very helpful.” She said, puffing out her chest, hoping to hide the way her body felt warm at his words, inside growing fuzzy even as the cold wind whipped past them.
He laughed, going along with it. “Right, right, of course, how could I think anything different? The great Astrid, known for her people skills.”
She grinned. “Exactly.”
He shook his head, smiling.
When the final island on the list peeked through the fog, Hiccup relied on Astrid’s knowledge to navigate and land safely. Despite the fact that she was adamant she knew just as little about the land in the archipelago as him, since the riders hadn’t explored much after he left, it still left him feeling a little…empty.
He’d like to think that if things had been different, they would’ve kept exploring, at least a little, and he would’ve come to know every nook and cranny of all these islands. Instead, they felt almost foreign. It hurt, knowing he’d never been able to do the thing he loved most. And that Toothless had been punished in turn, not allowed to fly for so long, cooped up, forced to watch his rider stumble into the stables in pieces and pass out until Wielders shoved him back to his room.
“Right,” Astrid hit the parchment with her hand, “I think that’s it.” She said, beyond tempted to turn around and secretly add something else to the list, just to keep it going.
Hiccup wandered over, Toothless ambling behind him. “Really?” He asked, peering over her shoulder.
“Yeah,” She lifted it so he could see. But as she did, a dark splotch appeared on its fringe. Then another. The pair looked up. Currently shielded by trees, the rain struggled to make its way through, but it managed. Stormfly squawked, shaking her body.
“I can’t believe she doesn’t like rain.” Hiccup chuckled, shaking his head and taking the list off her. She turned, watching him.
“Hey, that doesn’t make her any less of a formidable opponent.” She said indignantly. He didn’t say a word, glancing at Stormfly, who was currently bounding towards a cave.
Astrid grumbled, watching her go. “Shut up.”
With a laugh, he walked past her and shoved the list in his pocket. “Seems Fishlegs was right to pack the extra rations, after all.”
“I suppose so.” She watched him go, Toothless running after Stormfly. Elation? Nerves? She wished she had a better understanding of her feelings past ‘horrible sensation in my stomach’.
The cave was settled by a lake, fairly large and sunk inside a cove. At first she thought it would’ve been pretty if it wasn’t for the weather—thick, dark clouds settling and signifying this was more than just a quick shower. But the more she stood at the mouth of the cave, watching the rain pitter and splash on the surface of the water, it was pretty even now, despite the weather.
Hiccup walked up beside her, eyes on the greenery. She glanced at him, heart swelling as she looked back outside.
Yeah, She thought, leaning on the wall, resting her head on the side. It would’ve been pretty if it wasn’t being battered by winds and ceaseless rain, but it still was, despite it.
He still was, despite it.
“Do you know how to light a fire?” He mumbled. She snorted, pulled out of her thoughts by his reluctant question.
“Yeah, yeah, no, it’s fine,” she said, wandering back inside, “You just chill, I’ll do the manly stuff and light the fire.”
He scoffed, following her in as Toothless nudged his arm. “You always were the responsible one, Astrid.”
“Correct.” She said. “But in this case.” She pulled some tinder rolls out of Stormfly’s saddlebag, depositing it on top of the damp stick pile he’d tried to put together. Then she patted the Nadder, who promptly struck the pile with a blast, lighting it. “We have dragons, Hiccup.”
He didn’t say a word, flushing bright red and looking away. “Mm, shut up.”
She snickered, crouching down and putting her hands over it, “But hey, I will take the credit if you wanna give it to me.”
He wandered past her, grumbling and repeating her words, rummaging in Toothless’ saddlebag. She copied him, shaking her shoulders, to which he looked at her and pulled his face.
“I do not do that.” He said, handing her one of the packages.
“Yes you do.” She took it, continuing to shrug her shoulders and amusing herself in the process.
He shook his head, unable to keep the smile off his face and unravelling his rations.
She smiled, sitting back and opening hers before groaning. “He gave me my least favourite.” She mumbled, picking it up, “Most definitely on purpose.”
Hiccup sat next to her, fire at their feet. “Which one is your favourite?”
“This one is fine, don’t get me wrong, but it’s because I know he knows that I like it with Sven’s cheese recipe on it, so he’s just messing with me cause he finds it funny.” She mumbled, closing it up.
“This one has cheese on it.” He said, opening it up and handing it to her. “Do you want it?”
“No, no,” She smiled, “I don’t mind, for real.” She shook her head, “Although, he definitely did that on purpose to, to rub it in my face.”
“Fishlegs?” Hiccup chuckled, closing it.
“Yes,” She said, “Honestly, he’s gotten a right mean streak over the past few years.”
“Too much time with Gothi.” He said, smiling and pausing. She looked at him, frowning.
“What is it?”
He didn’t reply, squinting past her and outside the cave, where the rain raged on. She turned, following his gaze. The second she did, he slid her ration across to himself, and replaced it with his.
She looked back at him as he bit into his sandwich. “Must’ve been nothing.” he shrugged.
Oblivious, she hummed and picked up her sandwich, biting into it. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, eating. Immediately, she whipped her head around, wide eyed and whacked his arm.
“You prick!” She exclaimed, swallowing and battering him as he yelped, shying back and laughing. A few moments later, after noting that he was already halfway into what was her cheese-less ration, courtesy of Fishlegs, she looked back at the fire and mumbled under her breath. “Thanks.” She said, taking another begrudging yet mildly flattered bite.
“You’re welcome.” He said smugly.
After eating, they took to sitting with their dragons, facing each other and occasionally throwing extra sticks onto the crackling fire, embers swirling around them.
“Oh.” Hiccup rubbed Toothless’ head idly. “I almost forgot. Your mother caught me yesterday, she was asking for you.”
Astrid groaned, leaning back against Stormfly. “Of course she was. She’s utterly obsessed with finding me a husband it is actually diabolical.”
He snickered, “Diabolical?” he asked, not letting himself think about it for too long.
“Honestly,” She nodded, “It’s crazy, every waking second she’s like, ‘Astrid’,” She put on a voice, “You must make more of an effort to see these men. I organise them for your benefit.’ And then she’s like, ‘The Hofferson name must continue!’”
He hummed, watching her and smiling. “Right, she’s one of those.”
“I don’t know when she’ll get it in her head that I’m not marrying some rando.”
“What about your dad? What does he think about it?” Hiccup asked.
The instant her body seemed to stiffen, he knew he’d put his foot in it. And her face didn’t even fall, no, worse, it just…sighed. A visible sigh, a tired one he understood on a deeply spiritual level.
“Crap, sorry. You don’t have to talk about it.” He said, overcome with the need to make sure she felt the same care that he felt when she never pressed him to talk. Not that he knew what the deal with her dad was—was he sick?
“No, it’s fine. It was years ago.” She said, tugging her legs a little closer.
“You still don’t have to talk about it.” He said, watching her intently, wishing nothing more than for her to understand that he truly meant it.
“Thanks.” She smiled and took a breath. “He died. There was a man who attacked us a while back, with a dragon the size of the Red Death.”
Hiccup widened his eyes. “What?”
She nodded, grimacing. “Yeah, except it spat ice instead of breathing fire, and it could control all the dragons.”
“How did a man control a dragon that big?”
Astrid shook her head. “I have no idea. His name was Drago, apparently your father knew him in the past. Either way,” She looked down, “Once he died, the dragon fled into the ocean and released all the dragons.”
He stayed quiet, tilting his head and watching her, listening.
“A lot of people died that day, so it wasn’t like my dad died in some special way.” She sighed. “I just lost it when I saw, that’s all.”
He nodded slowly, understanding more than he cared to admit. “So, how did you all kill this Drago guy?”
She took a breath, mind filling with distorted memories of forcing her way onto the huge dragon, and of Drago’s head sliding off, the cut anything but clean. Of her stabbing him, over and over until the hole in his chest was tenfold that of the one in her father’s. “I managed to get to him and I killed him.” She said.
A moment passed, sitting in silence as he looked at the fire, smiling sadly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, people die that’s not your fault.” She said.
He shook his head, “No, for not being there.”
Astrid scoffed, tossing the crumpled ration parchment at him. “Please, that’s not your fault either.”
He chuckled, picking it up and rolling it in his palms. “Still. I wish I could’ve helped.”
“Well,” she pressed her lips together, “I wish I could’ve helped you too.”
The fire crackled, rain pattering against stone at the cave’s mouth. She spoke up.
“But hey,” She said. “What’s the use wishing we could change the past, right? We can help now.”
He nodded, glancing at her with a small smile. “I swear I’ll help you any way I can, you know.”
She pulled a face. “Me too but no need to be all sappy about it.” She joked.
With a chuckle, he yielded. “Naturally.”
Gods, she was a marvel. He found himself thinking that a lot since coming home. Everything she did, he admired. Not because it was always right, but because she tried anyway and he could only wish to live up to that.
“Hey.” She sat up, turning to look over Stormfly’s back and outside. “You think we can wash in that?” She asked, face twitching into a smirk as she looked back at him, completely expecting to be met with an appalled look. Which she was.
“Hell no.” He said, looking out at the lake. “Who knows what’s in that.” Not that he cared for his own health, he was far past that. But the thought of her shivering made him feel nauseous. Pathetic, he knew. He had to stop.
“Oh come on,” She pushed herself to her feet, “There’s a fire, we’ll be fine.”
“What about creatures and stuff, Astrid, wait,” He scrambled after her, causing Toothless to raise his head curiously. Hiccup gestured for him to stay and watch the fire with the sleeping Stormfly. But in that momentary pause, Astrid was already outside, boots abandoned at the entrance. He called after her: the lake was only a few feet from the warmth of the cave.
He caught sight of her, immediately flushing and looking away, wide eyed. He cleared his throat, picking her boots up and moving them further inside, just to be safe. “You’re going to catch a cold.” He said, heart hammering in his chest.
She looked at him, grinning. “So? This is your last few days at home, I’ll catch a cold if it means making the most of it.” She stepped out of her skirt, then her leggings, tossing them at him. “You don’t have to come.” She chuckled, looking down at the water. Her shirt just about covered her, but barely, and she knew she wasn’t being proper. But she just couldn’t find it in herself to care, not right now.
Because what if he never came back? What if this was it?
She dipped her feet into the water, drawing in a breath. Yes, it was extremely cold. For a split second, she regretted her decision. But, very swiftly, her pride pushed that away. “Plus, it’s not that cold.” She said, rain thudding onto her skin. The trees swayed, drops splashing on the lake’s surface.
After putting her clothes inside, he glanced back at her, watching as her hips sunk under the water, shirt pooling around her waist. He was well aware he was holding his breath, but it only made it harder to look away. The wind, the rain, it didn’t feel cold as he stepped outside.
“It’s not even deep, look.” She called back, turning to face him. The water reached just above her waist.
“We ate not that long ago.” He said, a pathetic attempt, though he wasn’t sure anymore whether he was trying to convince her to get out or himself not to get in. but his fingers were already rubbing the hem of his shirt.
Have dry clothes to put on, warmed by the fire, or keep himself covered. He let go of his shirt, the thought of letting someone see what—
His mind almost slapped him in the face. She’d already seen. She’s already seen, Hiccup. He just hadn’t wanted her to.
Finally untangling her braid and pushing it over her shoulders, Astrid ran her fingers across the water, holding her hand out and letting the rain drip into her palm. Behind her, she heard the water ripple, moving around Hiccup’s body as he stepped in, and she smiled.
She turned around. “See, not so cold—" She paused, like the shock from the water had hit her again, only this time with a wave of warmth. Slowly, she closed her mouth, watching him.
He drew closer, wading through until he stood right in front of her, looking down with an unreadable expression. He tilted his head slightly, rain dripping down his bare skin. Tanned and mottled and filled with texture.
“Yeah,” He murmured, almost a whisper as he raked his hair off his head, slicking it back and looking up. “Not so cold, I suppose.”
She didn’t have a single word to say, at least not an appropriate one. All that kept spinning around her mind was that he was standing there, hips deep in lake water wearing only his boxers, and he chose to.
It took everything not to reach out, touch him. Both for selfish reasons, and because she wanted to reassure him, let him know she understood it was a big deal, that she was proud even if she didn’t have the right to be.
She swallowed, opening her mouth only for nothing to come out. Instead, she looked away, trying to calm her breathing. This wasn’t the time. This was a big deal, this was not the time.
“Do you want to wash your hair too?” She managed, tilting her head towards the water and splashing her already-wet hair.
He nodded slowly, watching her. “I guess I should.”
“I think I might have some soap in my bag, I’ll get it.” She went to move, only for him to nudge her back.
“Tell me where it is, I’ll get it.” He said. She looked at him, searching his face for…she didn’t even know what for, and nodding.
“Left bag, I think it’s near my flask.”
He pulled himself out of the lake, and she just found herself watching him walk away. She’d not really paid much mind to how he looked. Well, that was a lie, she’d paid plenty of mind, but she’d not really…thought about it. About how what once was narrow shoulders and slim legs, arms she’d held back many-a-times, just didn’t exist anymore.
She knew it was wrong to stare, especially when his back was to her, and they’d never…spoken about anything like that, but she did it anyway. It was the things she usually didn’t notice on people that really made her realise just how much he’d changed, how much they’d all changed no doubt. The curve of his spin, narrow hips tapered to carry broader shoulders and leaner arms. He wasn’t a big guy, not by any means, but there was no doubt in her mind now that she’d really seen, that he was more than capable of doing a lot more than anyone gave him credit for. Even her and Snotlout, knowing what they knew, maybe it just hadn’t really occurred to her what it took to do things like that.
Stronger arms, hands that moved with confident precision instead of fumbling uncertainty. Long legs, thicker than she remembered and certainly not lacking tight form. She wished she could tell him that all the scars, the mottled stories on his skin that were impossible to miss, were not the only thing you could see.
As he came back, she looked at his prosthetic, which was far different from before. She knew it was, obviously, since his limp was far less obvious and it fit into his shoes. But it truly did look like a foot, only grey and metal, the movements of it mechanical as plates slid over each other. It was simple, when she really looked at it, but far past anything she’d seen made on Berk.
He looked down, stood at the bank. “Ah,” He said, “Yeah, I made it at the forge there.”
She looked up at him, hoping the rain and cold conditions hid the warmth of her cheeks. “Yeah?”
He nodded, wading back in and handing her a small clear bottle of liquid. “This is it, right?”
“Yeah,” She took it, “Thanks.”
He watched her. “No problem.”
Opening it and pouring some into her hands, she handed it to him to hold before rubbing her palms together. “So, why’d you end up making a new leg, anyways?” She asked.
He just kept watching her as he spoke, her every move. But not in a way that unnerved her or made her uncomfortable, just a gentle look, almost idle, like it soothed him to watch her.
“Having a limp made me more of a target. I hoped that people might forget which leg was the bad one.” He said, watching her fingers thread lotion through her hair. “That way, people might go for my legs and accidentally hit the fake one, which wouldn’t hurt.”
She nodded. “Did it help?”
“I think so.” He hummed, “Not that I ever thought, ‘eureka, what a good idea I’m so glad I did that or I would’ve died there’, but I’m sure it gave me little advantages here and there that I might not have had otherwise.”
She glanced at him as he put the bottle on the lakeside. “Smart of you to do that, then.” She chuckled. “Not that you’ve ever not been smart.”
He huffed, smiling. “I guess that’s one thing that stayed, then.”
As she dipped her hair into the water, cupping her hands and pouring it over her head in an attempt not to go underneath fully, he followed suite. Gently tipping water from his hands over her hair. After a moment, she stopped, watching him as he kept doing it. He glanced between his arms at her, slowing, stopping.
“What?” He asked, “Am I doing it wrong?”
She shook her head, forcing out a breathless laugh. “No.” Before she could talk herself out of it, she gestured for him to get the bottle. After he passed it, she gestured for him to come closer. “I’ll do you, yeah? If you, you know, don’t find it weird.” Why’d she have to say that? Surely that made it weird.
He blinked, quiet for a moment before coming closer without so much as a word. He lowered his head, damp hair falling back over his brow. Once the lotion was on her hands, she reached up and pushed his hair back, fingers rubbing over his scalp. The little circular motions made his eyes flicker, shivers washing down his neck and bringing with them this deep sense of comfort that made his chest feel like it would explode. He watched the water the coldness rushing to his skin every few seconds. For a moment, it took him back to that first time at the Academy, hearing that boy’s screams and falling under the ice not a moment later. The freezing, biting dark water that pulled on his limbs.
Then her hands, warm in his hair, kept rubbing those circular motions, gentle scraping noise echoing through his ears, and washed the memory away before he could get lost in it. He closed his eyes, drawing in a slight breath that he hoped she wouldn’t notice, shoulders tensing a little. His eyes threatened to prick with that familiar sensation, but for a completely unfamiliar reason.
He blinked them back as she pulled her hands away, swilling them in the water. He watched hear, white streaks swirling on the surface as she pulled them out again, pouring handfuls of water over his hair. He could do it himself, he could tell her he was good and could do it himself at any time.
But he didn’t want to. In a life where he did everything himself, where he had to do everything himself, he didn’t want to push her away. It was unfamiliar, to let her, and he hated the unfamiliar. But he didn’t want her to stop.
Once she stepped back and signalled she was done, he lifted his head, pushing his hair back with his hand. He looked down at her, at the way her hair fell over her shoulders, soaked and a darker blonde than he was used to. Parted slightly to the left, fringe swept aside. Rain pattering on the lake, the constant drumming noise keeping him in the moment as he watched her, trying to ignore the way her wet shirt clung to every surface, trying to forget she wasn’t wearing anything else, just like he wasn’t. He tried. He really tried, watching her face instead. Not that it was in any way a compromise. He could watch her face for days on end, memorising every little blemish and curve from her cheeks to her lips and her cold, reddened nose. The little scars on her temple, the ever so slight twitch in her eyebrows if she was about to speak.
“Thanks.” He whispered, looking down at her. She returned his gaze, watching him as rain dripped down their skin. But it didn’t feel cold, nothing felt cold, nothing at all. The sky was growing darker, thick with deep grey clouds that cast everything in this misted, foggy atmosphere that would’ve made her shiver. But it didn’t, even in the water, it felt like there was molten fire in her body that crackled constantly if she was in his presence.
She didn’t take her eyes off him as he turned slightly, reaching to put the half empty bottle back on the bank. His voice almost made her jump, but if that was the price she had to pay to hear the gentle timbre of it, then she had no complaints.
He hummed. “I’ll have to refill it when we get back, you’ve almost used half. Where do you get it from?” He asked, turning back to her.
She knew she should reply, forget about what she knew was a selfish, pointless thing to say. But then she took a breath. “Can I tell you something?” She found herself speaking anyway.
His eyes searched hers as he nodded, frowning slightly. It took her a moment to even bring the endless stream of thoughts to her lips, turn them into words that made any semblance of sense past the feeling she had in her body.
“You’re beautiful.” She breathed, gazing up at him, willing him to just accept it and believe her.
He paused, feeling flush creep up his face, burning his ears. His mouth twitched and he blinked, looking away.
Immediately, her own face burnt up, reality hitting her. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I just—I wanted you to know—”
“No it’s fine.” He said quickly, taking a breath and slowly looked back at her. “I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all. Not from anyone, but especially not from you.”
She frowned slightly, holding his gaze. “What do you mean not from me?”
“No, not in a bad way.” He spluttered, not having felt this type of warmth swirling around his body for as long as he could remember, not this intense, anyway. “Like, I just, have you looked at yourself?” He said, shaking his head, eyes almost frantically wide. “You’re beautiful, you’re—do you know how much it physically hurts to not stare where I shouldn’t?” He said, closing his eyes and sighing, “I just….didn’t expect you to be the one saying that.”
She drew in a breath, too many memories flashing behind her eyes for her to comprehend, past, present and ones that didn’t exist. Ones she wished did. Ones from the pasts he wanted to ask about and ones in the future she wanted to happen.
“Hiccup—”
He carried on. “And, and I really hope it doesn’t make you uncomfortable and if it does I’m sorry, but I’m already not saying most of what I think so,” He looked up, consciously making an effort to look anywhere but her. His teeth tugged on his bottom lip as he shook his head. “Forgive me for not understanding why you would look at me, at, at the state of me, and think that that is the right word to use.”
She watched him, some part of her still wanting to think before she spoke in a daft attempt at not saying something she shouldn’t. But maybe this wasn’t the time to think. Or maybe she just wanted to stop holding it back, whatever ‘it’ was. Maybe ‘it’ just needed to happen.
“Because it is.” She said. “That is the right word.”
“Astrid—”
She raised her hand. “That is the right word. Or if you think it’s for women, then I can say handsome, or angelic, or gorgeous or whatever the hell you want me to say.” She rubbed her mouth, shaking her head. “But the only way that really gets across what I’m trying to say, Hiccup, in my gut, is that you’re beautiful. Your mind, your soul, your body, you are and I need to say it. I know you’re a man, I know that, but you’re beautiful.”
He looked down at her, chest swelling with what could only be described as such a deep sense of warmth and gratitude as she managed to reach in and touch a part of him that he didn’t want anyone to see, but begged so desperately for someone to find.
He felt his breathing quicken, unsure if it was panic, gratitude, arousal or a mix of all three. “But I-there’s barely anything left of me, Astrid.”
She shook her head. “Are you joking? What you’ve been through, everything you don’t want people to see, the scars you tell me you’re ashamed of,” Her breath was heavy, incredulous as her gaze bore into him, begging him to just listen. “Hiccup they don’t take anything away from you, they just add to what was already there.”
He held his breath, eyes growing hot as they began to prick at the edges just like he’d feared.
She continued. “Hiccup, you are still you. I know you’ve-I know you’ve not told me much about what you’ve had to do and you don’t need to. You can if you want, and I want to know and listen and gods,” She breathed, “I could listen forever,” She shook her head. “If your life had gone differently, and your experiences weren’t what they are, no one would say you were no longer yourself. You’ve grown, and sure what you’ve been through and continue to go through is utterly horrific.” She tugged on her shirt. “But seriously, I just-I just need you to know that what you’ve been through, whatever you’ve done, whatever you think and feel and whatever stories your body tells, they don’t make you any less you.”
He watched her, unable to even blink in case none of it was real. Almost drowned out by the constant pattering of rain against the lake, the gentle wind, the swaying of trees, was their breaths. Heavy and needing no words to fill the silence. She searched his face, overwhelmed with too many emotions as she saw his shining eyes threaten to spill.
“Oh my God I didn’t mean—” She reached for him, hesitating to touch him.
He got there first.
His hands took her face, gentle but urgent, and tilted her head up, closing the distance in seconds.
Astrid widened her eyes, shoulders tightening, eyes welling up as she felt his tears slip down her cheek, his lips warm against hers, hands at either side of her face. She leaned closer, kissing him back and letting her hands slip against his neck, eyes flickering closed.
Somewhere she knew it was wrong, inappropriate, that he might never come back and all of this was just going to cause more pain and that—
She forgot about all of it as he frowned, fingertips pressing just a little harder behind her ears. She pushed back, fingers coming to his chest and leading him until his back hit the edge of the lake, grass brushing his spine. The breath of surprise from the impact that brushed her lips made her gasp, his hands leaving her face in favour of pulling on her waist and bringing her closer.
“Can I take it off?” He whispered against her lips, fingers not once dipping under her shirt. She nodded, eyes flickering open as he pulled his face back, lifting the shirt off. Peeling it away, she raised her arms and when her eyes caught his, she flushed. His cheeks dusted red, and in that moment any apprehension or thoughts back to that day on the ship were gone.
He bunched her shirt up, placing it on the grass and looking down at her. At her face, dipping just once to her body, then back again, silently asking for permission to look.
Breathing a disbelieving laugh, she nodded, heart swelling with pure appreciation. Only then did he let his gaze drop, travelling her body with a want that made his hands shift on her waist, swallowing. But it wasn’t like he’d take it. It was like he was waiting to be spoon fed, and had been waiting so long he could pass out.
She leaned closer, bringing his hands to his face and rubbing his cheeks with her thumbs. He drew in a breath, and she was unable to tell what was tears and what was rain as she pulled him back down.
His hands slipped under her thighs as he sat back against the embankment, slipping down to sit and lift her into his lap. She gasped, tilting her face further against his. Skin against skin, water soaked, rain at their waists and falling from above, yet she wasn’t the slightest bit cold.
He brought a hand back to her face as hers dropped to his shoulders. “Is that okay?” He whispered against her, kisses missing, hitting the corner of her mouth as he breathed.
She nodded. “Yeah, yeah.” She murmured, shifting on his lap. He groaned, grip tightening, body growing stiff as he stopped, letting out a huff.
“Are you okay?” She asked, leaning back, hands nudging his face to look at her. He nodded. Truth be told, he was remembering things he didn’t want to remember, things he’d blocked out. But it didn’t make him uncomfortable, just a little…sad. But somehow even that didn’t do a damn thing to stop him from leaning back in, hands slipping up her back towards her bindings.
She hummed, fingers rubbing his shoulders idly as she tilted her head for him, his lips slipping from hers and going to her cheek, to her jaw.
“We shouldn’t.” She breathed, back arching as his warm hands almost seared into her spine, cold water all around them. He shook his head, pressing his face to her neck and breathing.
“I know.” He murmured, chest rumbling against hers, breath hot on her skin as his face came back to hers, pressing to her cheek. “We-we can stop.”
She bit her lip, leaning against him and shaking her head. “No…”
He took in a breath, light in contrast to the way his voice rolled through her body, back and forth until she couldn’t think straight.
“Okay-okay we just-we just won’t do that, then.” He whispered, face tilting against hers, coming back to her neck. She shook her head, fingers coming through his hair.
“Don’t worry,” She breathed, emotion washing over her, bittersweet and blistering hot. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
He nodded. “I wouldn’t-“ He suppressed a groan as she moved against him again, more deliberate this time, more hungry. “I wouldn’t do that to you either. Even if-even though I-“
She took his hand, nodding. “Me too, it’s okay.” She panted, head tilted to the side as his lips travelled her shoulder, soft, never pushing it. Warm and slow yet almost painfully deep and aching. She took his hand, guiding it towards her chest and tugging on his hair, bringing him back to her face. Lips pressing against his ones more, she urged him to keep going, body aching, cold water only serving to highlight the aching heat of her legs around his.
He groaned, hot against her mouth as she kept her hand over his, letting him know it was okay to touch her there. Gods, she felt like he’d never press his luck if she didn’t help him. Not that she didn’t like it, God, she liked it.
He pushed back against her, hand on her ribs, thumb toying with her chest until she pulled back closed mouth doing little to hide a moan as she gently pushed his face down. He had plenty of time to pull back, but he would’ve died before doing that. She rocked on his lap, forward, back, slow, hand in his hair, keeping his face to her chest, her breath leaving her in long pants.
He groaned, and the lazy kisses that landed between her chest only made her push him further, until his chest hitched, breath giving way to a rasped, one-toned whimper against her skin. She covered her mouth, cold hands feeling the sheer heat coming from her cheeks. His fingers rubbed her body, hips shifting underneath her as he moved his thighs. She moaned against her hand, feeling his movement push her legs apart as she stayed straddling his lap.
Clearly he heard her, moving his face further down towards her stomach, hand on her chest, the other guiding her to arch her back as he kissed down her body. His fingers slipped down, rubbing the soft skin of her stomach as he kissed every inch of her, face dipping into the water every so often. But he didn’t care. He just wanted to touch her.
He wanted to make her feel good, just wanted her, whatever it took. And she needed him to know she'd ignore the world for him.