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He was handsome, young and virile; she knew this, had suffered for it late at night in her room, in the dormitory forced upon her for a role she felt ill-prepared to fulfil. It was ironic that she should be accommodated into a room neighbouring her students, making her feel even more like an impostor than a teacher. And yet, she did not mind being his guide, his friend; her connection with him made this role an excuse to see him, and it suited her better than slinking among the mercenary ranks, gazing at him from afar with fascination and — longing. Odd, this feeling itched at her, but she had accepted this as another new element of the self.
The sky had turned orange above the courtyard, and he was lifting up her borrowed Academy skirt where they lay on the grass by the gazebo. Anyone could pass by and see them, even mistaking her for another student. She wished desperately for it to be so, to walk among them as a peer and equal rather than lead from a distance.
The two of them were tense after her father’s loss, angry at the world and uncertain, and his polite warmth had morphed into some kind of loving aggression. He was sliding her white panties down her thigh, kissing up her leg and reaching her mound while she covered her mouth with a fist. Stop, she wanted to say, but couldn’t. They’ll see us, they’ll recognise you, they’ll punish me. But she wanted this punishment, craved it. She deserved this feeling more than anything else.
His face was wet with her and she moaned when she realised this. Looking above her she saw a flock of birds flying overhead, and she followed their path across the sky until a sudden noise alerted her to the wide-eyed, startled gaze of a mousy-haired student, one of the annoying ones who would no doubt complain to the administration at the soonest opportunity. But Dimitri was sucking on her clitoris, ravenous now, moaning into her, and she was consumed by the wrongness of it all. His hand was on her breast, which was buttoned up and contained from him, as it should not have been; she wanted to be in his arms with no barriers between them, surrounded by him. The indignation of this insignificant student was a small price to pay for this connection, this intimacy that burned through them both.
His fingers slid into her and she came. As she gasped, he lifted his golden head, messy and soaked, coming to rest it on her chest. She kissed his forehead as he closed his eyes, peaceful. She shifted her glassy eyes to the intruding student one last time before desperately pulsing away from this moment, the farthest she’d ever have pushed, to the beginning of the evening when she and Dimitri had simply been walking through the garden as the sun set, a polite distance between them.
She turned her head towards him, smiling softly, and allowed herself to touch his hand.