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“What’s up, Wildcat? Why ya out of bed? We got a big day tomorrow,” Tora said with a gentle, amused smile at the sudden appearance of his daughter, his chest a hell of a lot lighter than it’d been just a minute ago.

Though apparently Lily hadn't been sleeping at all, but instead was merely biding her time as she quietly plotted her escape. Tonight, Tora had heard her coming just fine since he was already out in the living room, but most nights, he actually preferred when his Battle Hamster roared or just flat out shrieked what she was about to do. At least that gave him enough of an advance warning to prepare for incoming toddler shenanigans.

Just after she’d started walking with more confidence than stability, Tora and Poppy had swiftly learned that Lily stayed in her crib only as she chose to. And if she didn't want to be there…well, there was no stopping her, because their daughter had clearly inherited her dad’s catlike reflexes and her mom’s dogged persistence. And a heaping double dose of stubbornness, seeing as how both of them were obstinate as fuck.

Because once she'd discovered she had opposable thumbs, it was basically impossible to keep Tora's little mini-me contained unless she decided that's what she wanted. Their tiny, entirely fearless escape artist could not be deterred once she decided her carseat, playpen, highchair, or crib was lacking in some mysterious way that only made any kind of sense in her toddler brain.

Thankfully most of the time when his little tiger decided it was time to wander, she was simply looking for the big tiger to cuddle with, and she'd knock out fairly quickly in his arms. But other nights, they were not so lucky. 

Tora had found Lily sleeping in all sorts of weird ass places around the apartment when he didn't manage to head her off in time. There had been plenty of early mornings he'd discovered their child curled up like an overgrown kitten, fast asleep on a bookshelf, or in the bathtub…or even once, perched right on the edge of the fuckin' kitchen counter. That one had almost given him a goddamn heart attack. And he didn't care how flexible she was, there was no way in hell that was even remotely comfortable.

But tonight, her bright gold eyes were laser focused on Tora. Lily was clearly on a mission, ignoring his questions entirely as she marched over to the couch, the spiky dinosaur tail attached to the back of her footie pajamas bobbing behind her. She latched onto his arm draped across his chest, tugging insistently at it with all of her toddler might.

"Up, Daddy, lift up!" she demanded around the tiger striped pacifier in her mouth.

Tora lifted his arm off his face to reach for Lily, assuming she wanted up on the couch with him for cuddle time. Snuggles and a story or two would honestly do them both some good that night, his heart aching more than he cared to admit at leaving his old couch behind when they turned in their apartment keys tomorrow.

But apparently that was the entirely wrong assumption on his part. Lily glared furiously in response, doing the freaky boneless toddler thing as she arched back with a shrill, indignant, "Noooo!" that was more whine than actual word.

"Alright, alright, not what ya wanted to go up, I got the message," Tora said, throwing his palm up in an increasingly well practiced gesture of surrender. "But ya gotta use your words, and tell me what ya do want, kid. I might be pretty damn good at guessing, but your dad’s not a fuckin' mind reader here." 

Ah shit, that last swear had slipped out completely unintentionally, still far too ingrained in his speech patterns. Tora was trying to lay off cursing so damn much, he really was, or at least not use the stronger ones around their all too attentive daughter. But it was honestly much harder than quitting smoking had been. "Fudge" just didn't have the same satisfying, cathartic feel as "fuck." Poppy might be able to pull it off because she was so damn cute, but it just sounded fuckin' stupid coming out of his mouth. And he was working against almost three decades of being an unrepentant potty mouth, as his wife liked to say.

Lily huffed and glared at Tora like he was the reigning world champion village idiot before she pulled her pacifier out of her mouth and shoved it wet part first into his still open hand. Lovely.

"Gee thanks, Wildcat, just what I always wanted," Tora muttered, making no move to put it anywhere else even as a thin trail of saliva dripped down to his wrist. Because heaven help him if he dared to set her paci down before his little bossy pants decided he didn't have to keep holding it. Christ, she was already so damn feisty, and knew exactly how much of a mushy pushover her dad truly was.

Apparently his ancestors thought it was fuckin’ hilarious to have the big, bad tiger repeatedly fall flat on his ass over tiny, bossy hamster women. Two of them was plenty, but he had a hunch he’d be just as much of an easy mark for his second daughter. She wasn't even born yet, and he was already tripping all over himself to get things ready, though thankfully not anywhere near as panicked as he'd been before Lily's arrival. It was going to be three against one, and in any other situation, he could easily hold his own against those odds. But going from two to three cute ass hamsters? Nope, the once boss level thug knew when he was outmatched, and he was done for.

Before Tora could say anything else, Lily grabbed his arm again where it was still draped across his chest, shoving at it as hard as she could. “Up! Lift up!” she ordered, her voice ringing out loud and clear now that he'd been made bearer of the favorite pacifier for the time being. 

When Tora only cocked his head and raised his eyebrows in response, Lily let out a loud, dramatic sigh and rolled her eyes before she dragged his arm all the way off his chest. “I swear, I hafta do everythin’ around here. Being this fat-you-lips is a real curse sometimes, honey,” she muttered, a spot on imitation of a certain over dramatic, blonde haired dickwaffle, only getting tripped up on the complicated syllables of fabulous.

She'd definitely picked up more than a few phrases and mannerisms from her Uncle Quincess, that was for damn sure. Poppy sure as shit didn't spout crap like that. He’d be texting Quincey later to watch his damn mouth around his impressionable niece. She didn’t need any extra help in the sass department.

“That’s kinda the opposite of up, just so ya know,” Tora dryly pointed out as Lily dropped his arm and grabbed onto his shirt with both hands. 

Lily squinted unamusedly at him for a long moment before she flung herself forward, scrambling up like a little spider monkey scaling a tree, the dinosaur tail on her butt wagging back and forth. 

When Tora put a hand under her butt to lift her the rest of the way onto him, he got another, “Noooo!” for his trouble, followed by a firm, “I can do it!”

So damn stubborn already, and she couldn’t even count to 10 yet. Poppy liked to say they would have a “three-nager” on their hands in another six months, though Tora was pretty sure they were already there. How much more feisty could she possibly get?

He dropped his hand away from Lily's back without comment, but kept it close out of her line of sight, positioned to instantly catch her if she lost her grip. 

But she was his little tiger hamster child through and through, making short work of climbing to her destination before slapping her hands down onto his chest. She stared hard at the front of the plain black T-shirt Tora was currently wearing, her brows pinching together and her lips sticking out in a confused pout as she scrutinized his shirt.

With a frustrated grunt, Lily crawled further up Tora’s torso, a similar irritated sound pulled out of him when her sharp knees drove into his kidneys and stomach. An even harsher groan ripped out of him when her bony little butt dropped right onto the center of his chest with no warning. She still barely weighed anything to him, but it was one thing to carry that as opposed to having a determined toddler dead weighting her entire body directly onto his lungs.

“Seriously, kid, what–” Tora started to say, true irritation now flaring at having his fleeting alone time with the old couch interrupted. He just wanted a quiet moment or two to say goodbye to one of the few things he still had left from Joe, goddammit.

But the rest of his sentence was cut off as Lily grabbed his collar and hauled it down, choking him as she attempted to turn it inside out while it was still on his fuckin’ body. She practically dove inside his shirt, and Tora only narrowly avoided getting head butted right in the damn mouth thanks to his well honed Ares Street reflexives.

“The hell–?!” was all he managed to rasp out before he coughed, a small hand smacking down right below his Adam’s apple momentarily distracting him from anything else. But before Tora could even start to loosen her grip, Lily’s head snapped back up, almost head butting him the opposite direction. Any annoyed protest died on his lips at the worry, fear, and the looming threat of tears now filling his daughter’s wide golden eyes.

“Daddy...where’s Binkie?” Lily plaintively asked in her high, pipsqueak voice, so well spoken already at 2 ½, which was definitely her literary mom’s influence.

Tora blinked at the innocent question, his brows furrowing in confusion before he froze, his eyes flying wide as horrified realization crashed over him. Oh shit. Fuck. God fuckin’ damnit, he’d royally fucked up. Oh no, no, nononono.  

“Binkie” was an increasingly well-worn Big Bro Tora fan club shirt, one of many Damien had made something like 15 years ago. It was dumb as fuck, but shit, those things were comfortable and one of the only mementos he had from the thuglets. Tora was glad now he'd hung onto a handful of the shirts when they'd made their escape to Olzii.

And he wore them freely here, more than a thousand miles inland from Ares Street and anyone familiar with his old street name. This far removed from Narin City, the bold white kanji on the black T-shirt didn’t mean anything other than maybe he just really liked tigers or was a fan of the Hanshin Tigers. Even people who knew them just assumed "Tora" was his wife's pet nickname for him, and didn't look twice at the shirt.

But for god knows what reason about a year ago, Lily had claimed one of the tiger crew shirts as her own, and absolutely would not sleep without it. And it was just the one, none of the others acceptable replacements as Tora and Poppy quickly learned. The few times they'd tried to offer one of the non-Binkie shirts, their eagle-eyed daughter had angrily screeched and flung the imposter across the room before melting down into a loud, flailing puddle of tears and copious amounts of snot.

And Tora knew for a damn fact Binkie wasn't anywhere in their apartment just then. Because giant fuckin’ dumbass that he was, he'd inadvertently packed up the goddamn shirt turned toddler security blanket with his other clothes...and dropped it off at the house earlier that afternoon. 

Yes, he could have easily left it for the movers to bring over, but he’d wanted a good excuse to go to the house by himself to do a final inspection of the security system he’d spent weeks meticulously installing. And to familiarize himself with the newly built safe room under the garage that he didn’t want Lily to know about anytime soon. So he'd left the box tucked into the corner of his and Poppy's new bedroom, "T's clothes" neatly printed on the side in her tidy handwriting, and quickly forgotten about it, entirely preoccupied with his whole house safety check. Until now.

Fuck. He'd thought it felt like Binkie and not one of his other tiger kanji shirts when he'd initially picked it up. But Lily had tossed it at him and run off laughing and never came back for it. So Tora had shrugged and eventually tucked it into the box, assuming it was a shirt he was actually allowed to wear like a normal person. The carefully hoarded ones only briefly handed back for "restinking" when the "good stinky" wore off were his in name only, and he'd long since learned his smell was a highly coveted trophy prize. Because yes, that was a thing with both of his sharp nosed hamsters.

Tora wanted to slap himself, realizing with a quiet groan that Lily had likely thrown the shirt at him to put on. Poppy had just washed it that morning, so the “good stinky” only he could provide needed to be reapplied. But he'd been more than a little distracted, running through all the shit he needed to do that day and tomorrow, his role as resident "stinky" producer the furthest thing from his mind.

Before their daughter was born, Tora had often wondered if Poppy was pulling his leg with the whole "stinky" thing. The streetwise tiger had suspected his hamster's regular flattery of how he smelled was mere ego stroking to aid in her efforts to permanently borrow his favorite clothes. Not that he minded her stealing his shirts and jackets in the slightest; his heart swelled with more than a little male pride whenever his wife nonchalantly draped something of his over her luscious, tempting curves. Claiming him all over again without a single word.

But Tora had come to learn that not only was appreciation for “the stinky" very real, it was also apparently genetic, because Lily had inherited it in full force. Uncle Quincess showered his young niece with an absolute mountain of toys and stuffed animals and the softest blankets money could buy, in addition to all the baby crap Tora panic bought…and Lily had chosen her dad's old, ratty T-shirt as her absolute favorite thing, going so far as to give it a fuckin' name.

Sure, it was definitely an ego boost that out of all the many gifts that arrived both before and after her birth, Lily instead claimed something of Tora's. The single most important object in her whole entire world, the thing she couldn't fall asleep without snuggling was his shirt. The onetime Ares Street menace never imagined he of all people would be anyone's source of comfort and safety, let alone for the daughter he never expected to have. 

But why'd it have to be something he had four of and couldn't tell a single damn one apart?! Toddlers were so fuckin’ weird sometimes.

Tora would've laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it all, going from the most feared street brawler in all of Narin City to glorified cologne for the two tiny hamsters who continually made off with his clothes. The whole situation would be downright fuckin' hilarious…if his daughter wasn't currently teetering on the verge of tears.

Fuckin' Binkie. That damn shirt had been the cause of more than one red faced meltdown when it couldn't be located fast enough. And it was currently sitting in a box halfway across town. At 10:45 at night. Shit.

And fuckin' Pinky. Tora hadn't seen the thuglets in almost six years, and they thought he was dead, but yet here Damien was still causing problems and making his life needlessly difficult. It'd been bad enough when the pink haired dipshit gave Poppy a Big Bro shirt of her own. But now Pinky had their daughter, who he didn't even know existed, on the stupid fuckin' tiger shirt bandwagon. Tora was half tempted to return from the grave just to give the fawning shitwit a good smack upside the head for his trouble.

Because there was nothing worse than helplessly watching his baby girl cry. Even over something as stupid as not having a specific shirt to cuddle with.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. And here the night before their big move had been going so well: Lily settling into bed surprisingly easy, Poppy getting time to take a nice long bath, Tora having the chance to say goodbye to the old couch from Joe. But nope, things were about to hit Defcon 1 - Angry Hamster Child, Tiger Fury Mode. 

Even if he left right now and blatantly ignored a whole host of traffic laws, it'd still take Tora at least half an hour to get to the house, grab the shirt, and haul ass back to their apartment. And Lily would be pitching a fit the entire damn time until Binkie was back in her sights.

Tora sighed as he met his daughter's watery gaze, bracing himself for the storm that was about to hit. He refused to lie to Lily, even if she was only 2 ½. Kids weren’t stupid, they alway knew when adults were bullshiting them; and his daughter was smart as fuck, already so damn observant. Hell no would he play head games and act like he could do no wrong just because he was 32 years older than her. He'd fucked up, plain and simple, and was man enough to admit it. He just hated being the cause of any tears for one of the most important people in his whole world.

Tora took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he spoke. "Ya gave me Binkie earlier today, didn't ya? That's what ya–you thought I was wearing, right?" he quietly asked, forcing his head up to speak clearly and not run his words together. Even now, it was still second nature to protectively curl in on himself in the face of having displeased someone important.

Lily's bottom lip quivered as she nodded, her gaze darting down to his chest as if hoping the tiger kanji would appear if she checked one more time.

Tora gently cupped one side of her face. "I'm sorry, Lily. Daddy messed up and didn't realize that's what you wanted me to do. I took Binkie to the house with me earlier and left 'im in me and Mommy's new room by mistake."

She cocked her head, her brows furrowing as she locked eyes with him. Lily had been to the house several times now since they’d bought it. She’d repeatedly toured her future bedroom with much interest, excitedly telling everyone she met in the past month about the big girl bed waiting for her when they finally moved in.

"Binkie's at our house?" she asked slowly.

Tora nodded, trying not to cringe, forcing himself to maintain eye contact. "Yeah, I'm really sorry, Wildcat. I didn't do that on purpose, it was an accident. But I know Binkie helps you sleep and feel good, so it's okay if you're sad and need to cry a little. I’ll hold you as long as ya need to feel better."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, scooching further up his torso before leaning down until their noses were almost touching. She pressed her little hands into his shoulders as she stared him down. Tora hated that he automatically flinched and tensed when his daughter suddenly raised a hand, but he quickly found himself relaxing, his eyes fluttering shut as she patted the space between his eyebrows.

"It's okay if you’re sad,” she said firmly, and he thought she was just repeating what he said back to herself. When Tora didn’t respond, Lily poked at the lingering tension between his brows. “It’s okay if Daddy’s sad,” she said more insistently.

Tora shook his head, his eyes still closed. “Nah, I’m not sad, just feel bad I–” he started to say, even as he realized that was a lie.

But Lily cut him off, slapping a hand down hard in the center of his eyebrows with no warning, the heel of her palm landing on the bridge of his nose making him wince and go slightly cross eyed. “No! Daddy has sad eyes!” she practically yelled. “Right here! Right here!” she insisted at full volume, each word emphasized with another firm, open handed smack to the same spot.

“Goddamnit, kid, I–” Tora winced, his eyes reflexively watering from taking multiple blows in rapid succession to such a sensitive area. What was it with the women in his life and hitting him in the nose when he least expected it?

Damn, his daughter sure had a solid arm on her for not even being 3 yet. Her hand eye coordination was certainly in the top percentile for her age, if he had to guess. If her target wasn’t the center of his fuckin’ face, he would’ve been impressed with the repeated accuracy of her aim. 

While Tora was still trying to gather his wits and see straight again, Lily grabbed his face with both hands and leaned in close, pressing her nose against his until their foreheads touched. “It’s okay if you need to cry a little, Daddy,” she said soberly as she stared directly into his watering eyes, her heavy toddler breath hot on his face. “I’ll hold you as long as ya need to feel better,” she repeated, freakishly nailing the way he spoke. It was honestly like listening to a chipmunk version of his own voice.

Tora supposed Lily sitting on his throat and making him see stars because she was trying to comfort him was a better response than her immediately melting down over Binkie being misplaced. But he could do without the repeated assault to his face. 

Thank fuck neither of his brothers could see him just then, the once legendary Tiger at the total mercy of a slap happy 2 ½ year old. Yes, Tora was whipped and fuckin’ knew it, and honestly didn’t care who knew it at this point. But he could almost hear Goliath howling with laughter at his much reduced state. Here he was, the big, bad, boss level thug playing punching bag for a bossy toddler while still carefully holding her drool covered pacifier. 

"Okay, fine, fine. You’re right, I'm a little bit sad. Ya don't gotta keep slapping me to prove your point, kid," Tora hurried to say, gently grabbing Lily's raised hand before she could strike again, bringing it down to hold over his heart. “And I’m only crying a little cuz ya got me right in the damn nose like six times. That kinda hurts, ya know. FYI, when people are feeling sad, Wildcat, waling on ‘em isn’t a great way to lift their mood. Speaking from personal experience, hugs and cuddles definitely feel a hell of a lot better,” he said with a wry look, tapping the same spot on her face that she’d just been smacking the shit out of on him.

Lily blinked at him, her bright eyes somehow managing to look even bigger and more adorable, before her brows rose and pinched together in thoughtful concern. “Daddy has an ouchie? Here?” she quietly asked, copying the same motion he’d just done on her.

Tora nodded, blinking a few more times against the lingering sting. Damn, she’d gotten him good. Though thankfully not hard enough to make him bleed like Poppy had all those years ago at Alice’s.

“Yeah, a little bit. Remember, ya need to be gentle, Kodora, even when you’re worked up about something. We use our big people words and not our fists to tell people how we feel.” That had been a hard one for him to learn too, not something he'd been able to practice until well after he’d reached adulthood.

Lily owlishly blinked and gravely nodded back before she leaned forward again and loudly kissed between Tora’s eyebrows. “Mwah! Mwaah! Sorry, Daddy. All better now,” she said, giving him another peck in the same spot.

Somebody needed to grab a bucket and a mop, because he’d just fuckin’ melted into a giant thug shaped puddle. Tora knew he had the stupidest, dopiest grin on his face just then, smiling like an idiot up at one of the most precious gifts he’d ever received. She was fuckin’ perfect, the best of him and Poppy combined.

A moment later, Tora deeply regretted having his mouth open as the same priceless treasure blew an enthusiastic, sloppy, and very wet raspberry directly into his face. A wad of spit landed right in his fuckin' mouth before he managed to close his lips. Welp, that had been sweet for all of two seconds.

He released Lily’s fist, pleased to note she splayed her fingers out over his heart even as he unamusedly wiped off his face. “Thanks, kid. Just what I needed tonight…to get choked, slapped in the face, and then spit on. Ya really have a way of showin' how much ya care,” Tora said dryly before lifting his hands up in invitation. “How ‘bout a little less violence and more cuddles the rest of the evening, yeah?” He couldn’t really spread his arms, seeing as how she was still straddling his chest, a knee pressing into one bicep with her hand gripping the opposite shoulder.

But Lily apparently wasn’t done just yet, sitting up straight to her full toddler height and resolutely crossing her arms as she locked eyes with him. “Why is Daddy sad?” she asked with a fierce, unblinking stare that said she wouldn’t relent until he gave her a satisfactory answer.

Tora opened his mouth and then closed it, entirely at a loss for words. He wasn’t even sure where to start, trying to figure out how to summarize what he’d been feeling, who he’d been thinking about before Lily marched out of her bedroom. She squinted at him and then swiped her pacifier out of his hand, popping it into her mouth without breaking eye contact.

Shit, was this what it felt like when he silently stared people down? Because hell if it wasn’t fuckin’ working. His little tiger certainly had his glare down pat already, her intense gold eyes practically boring right into his damn soul. Though the intimidating effect was greatly softened by her unruly bedhead, adorably round toddler cheeks, and cute ass footie pajamas with that fuckin’ dinosaur tail.

The corners of Tora’s mouth twitched up as he fiddled with one of the brightly colored spikes on the green tail. Of course his wife had gotten their daughter a dinosaur onesie…several of them now, in fact. And that was in addition to all the other dinosaur baby shit she’d bought over the last few years.

Just after Poppy had revealed she was pregnant, before they’d told anyone else, Tora had quietly shared one of the only hazy memories he still had of his early childhood. What little he could recall of those innocent years before everything went to utter shit in his life felt insubstantial, like a dream that never actually existed. It wasn’t much: his mother’s hands holding out a now long lost T-rex stuffie, his tiny hands excitedly reaching up for it, the feeling of being safe and loved, the world around him bright and full of endless possibility.

It was silly and maybe a little stupid, but he’d quietly admitted to Poppy that wearing dinosaur shit had always felt hopeful and defiant, his secret way of saying fuck you to Vincent and the clan and the heartless monster they wanted him to be. When Tora put on a dinosaur shirt, that young, innocent part of him got to peek out for just a moment, reminding him that he hadn’t lost himself entirely to the darkness yet, that the bright eyed little boy was still there somewhere deep inside the Tiger.

Poppy had cried, of course, and held Tora close, telling him through her tears that it wasn’t stupid at all. And then she’d gone out the very next day and bought a teeny tiny dinosaur onesie as the very first thing she purchased for their baby, the second being a similarly small tiger striped onesie. She told him that quiet, stubborn hope he’d held onto in spite of everything he endured was an important legacy to pass onto their future child, and one she wouldn’t forget either.

God, he just couldn’t get away from the past tonight, could he? Every damn time he tried to focus on the here and now, another memory popped up, playing back whether he wanted it to or not. Something about this couch and having his daughter sitting here with him and moving to a new house tomorrow with another baby on the way was really peeling away all his defenses. Usually he kept his old life as shut away from the present as he could.

Lily meanwhile was not amused at the delay in receiving an answer. She grunted in protest at Tora around her pacifier, bouncing on his chest once to express her displeasure.

He chuckled, taking advantage of his daughter’s movement to slide her further down his torso away from his throat. “Pft, so damn impatient. Gimme a minute, will ya, kid? Hard to think when you’re cutting off my air supply and glaring at me like that.” 

Lily arched an unimpressed eyebrow as she sucked on her pacifier, not giving an inch as she waited for her dad to answer her question. He’d done a shit ton of therapy over the past 5 ½ years, but hell, there was a lot on his mind right then that was hard enough to unpack just for himself. Let alone trying to figure out how to simplify it in a way that would make sense to a toddler. 

His daughter might be smart as fuck and read people a hell of a lot better than even some adults managed to, but Lily was still only 2 ½. She didn’t understand what shame or grief or death meant, not really. Not that Tora wanted her to anytime soon.

He patted Lily’s knee before reaching up to trace the back of his index finger over her cheek and gently booping the end of her nose. She smiled around her pacifier, her eyes brightening at his next words.

“Hey, can I get a little tiger hug first? That’ll definitely help.” That was easy enough to say, because it was true. Always was. 

He fully understood that Lily repeatedly slapping him in the face was her enthusiastically affectionate toddler way of trying to be comforting, but a hug would actually feel nice…and leave him in significantly less pain.

Lily immediately threw her arms out wide and flopped forward with a giggle, Tora just barely catching her before she almost face planted directly into his chest. She wiggled up until her head was resting over his heart, giving a couple pats to the spot in front of her face.

Tora absently patted Lily’s back in return as he tried to sort out what to say. She already knew who Joe and Gyu were; he’d been telling her about them since that first night they brought her home, when holding his days old daughter close had been an absolute revelation. It’d been so easy to speak freely then, to tell her what those two had done, how they’d made it possible for Tora to be laying there with her, the tiny dozing newborn so easy to confide in.

But how could he explain that letting go of an old ratty couch felt like losing yet another piece of the weird ass, ad hoc family that’d made the long years in Narin City even remotely bearable? He’d been all set to toss it without so much as a twinge of hesitation or regret…until tonight. Hadn’t even realized how much the damn thing meant until it was time to actually trash it.

Tora puffed his cheeks and blew out a heavy sigh as he smoothed his palm over the top of Lily’s head, his other hand rising and falling with her breath where it rested across the span of her back. God, she was still so damn small, not even 30 pounds yet.

He stared up at the ceiling, wondering where to start, the words locking together into a hard, small knot before they managed to reach his tongue. “Not stalling on ya, kid. Just…it’s hard to talk about. I got a lot of big feelings inside me tonight.”

Lily tapped her finger over Tora’s sternum and glanced up at his face. “Daddy has big feelings here too?” she asked around her pacifier. Well, it sounded more like, “Adee haf ig eelins ere oo?” But he’d gotten pretty proficient at translating all kinds of muddled toddler speak over the past year or so.

Tora nodded, not missing the too she’d included on the end either. Maybe he wasn’t the only one with a lot weighing on his mind that night. “Yeah, I do, Kodora. And I don’t really know which words go with them right now. They just kinda feel…all heavy and jumbled together around my heart. Like a bunch of wet, heavy rocks I can’t grab onto.”

Lily nodded against Tora’s chest and gently patted him again, her body growing more relaxed against him. He suddenly had a strong hunch that even if Binkie hadn’t wound up at their house instead of in her crib, his daughter would’ve still sought him out that night.

Clearly, she knew something big was about to happen, what with all the moving boxes stacking up and her parents’ sudden flurry of activity over the past week. If Tora was sad about leaving their apartment after half a decade, it was going to be an even bigger adjustment for Lily. He’d lived in countless places of varying quality throughout his life, few of them good…but this was the only home his young daughter had ever known.

She took her pacifier out, plopping it wet part down directly below his collar bone. Because of course, where else would it go? Certainly not his hand or on his shirt. No, that would just be silly. Obviously it should go right on his skin so he could better feel the drool pooling. His daughter was so considerate and thoughtful that way.

“Big mood, fam, big mood. I’m sipping that tea. I feel you, no cap,” Lily said gravely with another reassuring pat to his chest, and Tora had to quickly bite down on his lips to not burst out laughing. Where the hell had she picked that up from?!

Probably Goliath, knowing his twin and how he always brought ever weirder hipster slang with him whenever he unexpectedly rolled into town. Tora would swear the posturing idiot was just shitting with him, but both Quincey and Poppy had confirmed more than once the phrases were legit things some people actually used in conversation. Though Goliath didn’t always get the meaning quite right, much to his twin’s delight. Not that Tora knew any better, but the cocky dipshit didn’t need to know that.

Lily heaved out a long, open mouthed toddler sigh, dramatically slumping further against Tora’s chest before she pressed her face into his shirt and loudly inhaled a couple times. Yup, she definitely had some big toddler feelings going on if she was going directly to the source for a "stinky" fix.

Tora silently offered her the pacifier, but Lily only shook her head before taking another big sniff. Okay, so it wasn’t as bad as he thought it’d be. She was past the pacifier stage, but huffing his shirt seemed to be enough, no signs of any brewing meltdowns for the moment at least.

Tora hoped maybe she’d gotten distracted enough to forget about the state of his feelings or wanting to know what the source of his sadness was, but he had no such luck. Lily pushed herself up to kneel on his ribs before roughly grabbing his collar again, pulling it up this time. 

“Daddy needs the stinky!” she declared as she tried to drag it to his nose with all her toddler might.

“Daddy does not need the stinky, because Daddy is not a weirdo who gets off on smelling himself,” Tora said lightly as he deftly extricated his shirt from her grip. “I’m glad the stinky makes you and your mom feel better, but that doesn’t work for me, kid.”

“No…stinky?” Lily asked with a deeply confused frown, like that was the most bizarre thing he’d ever told her.

“No stinky,” Tora confirmed with a nod, quickly straightening his shirt back into place before she could attempt to strangle him for a third time that night.

“But Daddy’s still sad.” It wasn’t a question. Christ, she wasn’t going to let this go, was she?

“Yes, I’m still a little bit sad, but it’s okay, Kodora. Really. I’m a big boy and can figure it out. Sometimes people get sad, and not everyone feels better the same way.”

She eyed him skeptically. “What helps Daddy feel better and find the right words?”

Tora blew out a slightly annoyed sigh at her dogged insistent on wanting to help. She was cute, but damn, sometimes his stubborn little toddler just didn’t know when to let shit go. 

“I dunno, lots of things. It really depends,” he said with a shrug before listing off whatever came to mind. “Hugs and cuddles with you and your mom, taking a nap, going on a walk or a run, working out, making something at the wood shop, going on a car ride with the windows down, eating one of your mom’s rice balls. Well, pretty much anything she makes is comfort food, now that I–”

Lily gasped, her eyes flying wide with excitement. “Daddy needs nomnom stay?”

“The what now?” That was a completely new one for him, and he’d heard her say some pretty weird shit over the past year and a half. Tora didn’t have even the foggiest clue what that meant.

“Nom. Nom. Stay.” Lily carefully sounded out, and then stared hard at him, like he would definitely know now after that very thorough and detailed explanation.

Tora raised his eyebrows and lightly shook his head which had Lily clicking her tongue and rolling her eyes so far back all he saw was white. “Bro, c’mon, now you’re just shittin’ me,” she said, imitating Goliath far too well.

Tora arched a brow at her mouthiness before he shot a guilty look over at the still closed bathroom door, hoping Poppy wasn’t overhearing this. He would definitely be texting his twin about that one, not wanting to get chewed out yet again by his pregnant wife about his potty mouth. This one was sure as shit not his fault, and he refused to take the fall for it.

“Sorry kid, I dunno what nom nom stay is,” Tora said with a confused shrug, letting the swear go for now. “Gonna hafta explain that one better for me.”

Lily huffed and threw her hands down on his chest, hopping onto the balls of her feet. Tora coughed as her toes slammed into his intestines. Thank fuck her legs were still short, because if she was any taller, she would’ve been crushing a far more sensitive place lower down.

“Nomnom stay, Daddy!” she yelled, sticking her butt and dinosaur tail up into the air as she dropped her head and straightened her legs. She leapt up, driving her feet even further into his gut as she flung her arms towards the ceiling, Tora involuntarily grunting as she bounced in place. “Nomnom stay!”

The light bulb suddenly clicked on in his brain. “Do you mean…namaste? Like when your mom and I did yoga the other day?” he slowly asked as he grabbed her ankles to hold her in place. He and Poppy had followed along with a couples prenatal yoga video earlier that week, hoping it would help ease some of the achy tightness that was already creeping into his wife’s low back.

Lily threw up her hands with an aggravated huff, communicating loud and clear that’s exactly what she’d said, and he was obviously just a giant moronic dumbass for taking so long to figure out such a simple fact. God, the sass he put up with on a daily basis from his feisty hamsters.

“Daddy needs nomnom stay?” she asked again, digging her toes down to make sure he was listening to her.

Tora shrugged. “Yeah sure, kid. I could go for a little namaste right now.” If Lily wanted to do yoga stretches together, he wouldn’t say no to that, especially if it’d help her wind down enough to go back to bed. Hopefully, she didn’t want to keep using him as her own personal yoga mat though. His abs might be pretty damn strong still, but no amount of working out would do much against almost 30 pounds of determined toddler kicking the shit out of his internal organs.

Lily snatched her pacifier from Tora’s chest where he’d set it and hopped off his stomach straight to the floor. His hands instinctively twitched up even as she stuck the landing with ease. Lily tossed a pleased smirk over her shoulder as Tora tried not to cringe at her daredevil antics. She turned and pointed at him, leveling the creepy, murderous Poppy stare that always left him itching for a cigarette when it was directed at him.

“Daddy, stay! Don’t move!” Lily imperiously ordered before she spun around and turbo scuttled off to her room, the dinosaur tail furiously whipping back and forth.

O…kay, so apparently she hadn’t meant yoga? Then what–?

Tora heard shit getting thrown around, but obediently kept his ass planted on the couch, more than a little curious what his daughter had up her sleeve. They’d already packed up a good chunk of her things, so he wasn’t sure what exactly she was hunting for. The sound of a long zipper being pulled open was followed by the rustling of tissue paper and glass clinking against metal.

A few moments later, Lily stuck her head out of her room, shouting, “Don’t look! No peeking, Daddy!”

He dutifully put his hands over his eyes, making a show of covering his whole face. 

He heard her feet shuffle, felt her staring hard at him. “Are you peeking? You better not be peeking, Daddy.”

“No, Wildcat, I’ve got my eyes closed and everything. Can’t see shit, okay?” Crap, now he was the one saying shit in front of her. Couldn’t pass that one off on his twin tonight.

“Daddy, stay there! No peeking!”

“Yeah, I got that the first three times ya said it, kid,” he said wryly, keeping his hands firmly in place. “Not looking, so go ahead and do whatever it is ya wanna do.”

He was really hoping it was something soft. Maybe a blanket or one of her stuffies? All the sharp edged toys like her Duplos were already packed, so he wasn’t too worried about getting unexpectedly maimed.

Tora didn’t have to wait long as Lily began belting out, “Twinkle, twinkle little star!” as she walked back over at a much slower pace than she’d left. Yeah, she took after him that way too, seemingly picking up any song she heard with ease.

By the time she hit, “Like a diamond in the sky,” she was right next to Tora’s shoulder. Lily paused to say one more time, “No peeking, okay?” to which he just grunted affirmatively before she continued with the song. As she hit the last line, Tora sensed her arms raising high and then slowly lowering towards his face.

Something…vaguely oblong touched the top of his head for a brief moment as Lily sang the last word of the song before the mystery object was lifted away again. Tora could have sworn it was slightly damp, though that was probably just leftover pacifier drool on her hands.

She tugged at his wrist. “Okay, Daddy, look! Look now!”

Tora opened his eyes to the sight of…a large potato being held above him. A large potato coated in glittery dinosaur stickers. A large, sticker covered potato that was wet. A large, sticker covered, wet potato that was clearly about to be placed directly onto his goddamn face.

Lily lowered the potato with what Tora could only describe as deep worshipful reverence. She started swinging Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star again, though thankfully much faster this time around.

Tora had so many questions. Why? How? When was the last time they’d even bought potatoes? Where had she been keeping it? How had their daughter managed to hide a whole ass potato from them?

She’d gone to her room and not the kitchen. She had gotten a potato from her bedroom. She'd been hiding a potato somewhere in her room, and they hadn't come across it despite all the cleaning and packing.

But more importantly, how and why was it damp? And what was it damp from?

Tora couldn’t believe he actually wanted the wet pacifier back. Hell, Lily could spit on every single one they owned and shove them straight down his shirt for all he cared. 

What ancestor had he managed to piss off now? Or more likely, how many ancestors had he offended? Because this was weird as hell, and made not one single lick of goddamn sense.

Lily blithely continued with her song, finishing by carefully placing the potato right between his eyes where she’d smacked him earlier. A small bead of water trailed down the length of his nose before dripping onto his upper lip, and Tora was beyond grateful it smelled of nothing but water and dusty potato. Thank fuck for small mercies.

“Lily, what–” he started to ask, but his daughter cut him off with a scowl and a stern, “shhhh.”

“Nom nom stay,” she solemnly declared, patting the potato with far more gentleness than she’d given his face before. She lifted the potato up high, like the baboon holding Simba in The Lion King.

“Nom nom stay,” she said again before she placed it back in the same spot on Tora’s face.

This felt weirdly ceremonial. Had his daughter started a cult out of her bedroom while he wasn’t paying attention? None of the parenting books had mentioned potatoes or any other vegetables being used like this.

Lily picked up the potato and cradled it in the crook of her arm as she thoughtfully peered at Tora’s face. She looked over the potato, carefully plucking one of the stickers off and placing it between his eyebrows with another sober intonation of, “Nom nom stay.” 

Tora was pretty sure it was a green T-Rex from the brief glance he’d gotten of it. Which if he was going to have a dinosaur sticker pulled off a potato and put on his face, it may as well be his favorite one. Because hell if he knew what the fuck was happening right now. There was no way this was a thing other parents dealt with. He was pretty sure someone would have at least mentioned “possibly pagan ceremonies involving produce” as something to look out for at the multiple parenting classes they’d attended.

Lily shuffled a few steps away down the couch before she stopped by Tora’s waist, lifting the potato high up into the air again. Apparently the ceremony wasn’t done yet.

“Nom nom stay. Nom nom stay. Nom nom stay!” she chanted, as serious and earnest as he’d ever seen her. His daughter slowly twirled in a circle as she bobbed the potato around, a couple stickers fluttering free with her movements.

Lily reached one handed for the bottom of his shirt, awkwardly trying to tug it up before she huffed and let go. She pointed at Tora again, leveling her best I’m in charge and you will listen to me if you know what’s good for you expression.

“Off, Daddy! Take it off!” she ordered.

Tora blinked stupidly, still trying to make sense out of whatever the hell was going on. Lily quickly glared in annoyance at his lack of movement. 

“Shirt off, Daddy! Shirt off!” she yelled with a stomp of her tiny foot, emphatically waving the potato at him. The large, sticker covered, damp potato that Tora had no idea when or how she’d secreted it out of the kitchen or where she’d kept it hidden in her small bedroom. 

It came out of her room wet. What had she been keeping it in? How the hell had they not come across the sticker encrusted vegetable before now?!

“Okay, okay, cool it, I’m taking it off. I know ya like to steal my clothes, but damn, ya really mean business tonight, huh? Think this is the first time I’ve ever been held up with a damn potato.” Tora bemusedly chuckled as he sat up and grabbed for the back of his shirt, pulling it over his head and all the way off in one easy motion.

Lily imperiously held out her hand, and Tora promptly handed over his shirt with a shake of his head and an amused huff through his nose. Well, he definitely wasn’t focusing on feeling sad anymore. How could he when he was now half dressed and confused as all hell?

Lily took a big whiff of his shirt, then flung it around her neck like a scarf before pointing at the couch arm where his head had been. “Lay down! Don’t move!”

Tora threw his hands up in surrender with another quiet chuckle as he laid back down, propping his feet up on the opposite arm of the couch again. “So what now, Wildcat? More nom nom stay?” he asked with a smirk.

Lily shushed him again as she poked at the back of his hand, and Tora obediently flipped it over for her to place the potato in his palm. She climbed back up onto him, even faster than when she’d first gotten out of bed, gesturing for him to pass the potato back once she was sitting on him again, though thankfully not right on his damn throat this time.

Tora knew it was hours past when Lily should be asleep, that they had a long day ahead of them tomorrow. He should be a good, responsible parent and make sure she got enough sleep. But hell if he was putting his daughter back in bed before she finished whatever weird potato cult ritual she was so intensely focused on completing. He was invested now and needed to see how this played out. Because this was going to give him one hell of a story to tell the guys at work and the wood shop, that was for damn sure.

Lily carefully held the potato with both hands, silently lowering it to tap against his forehead and then down to the koi fish and peony on his pecs. She lowered it to the scar on his right side and then bopped it against the tiger lily tattoo on his left ribs, finally placing it in the center of his chest with another gentle pat before she met Tora’s deeply amused gaze. 

“Not done yet,” Lily clarified, leaning over the potato as she peeled off the remaining glittery dinosaur stickers, carefully placing one on Tora's koi fish, one on the peony, and three going up the front of his throat. She took a minute to meticulously place several in a row along the top edge of his old scar. With a final solemn “Nom nom stay,” she put the last sticker, a blue velociraptor, right in the center of the orange flower inked on his left side.

Lily sat back up and surveyed her handiwork with a smug self-satisfied expression before she shook out Tora’s shirt, wrapping it around herself like a blanket. No, not a blanket - she’d made sure both sleeves came around her shoulders. So it was more like wrapping herself in a giant hug. A hug that smelled like him.

Fuck, why did that make his heart practically melt right out of his goddamn chest? Didn’t even care that she’d demanded the shirt right off his back, that’s how much of a big sappy mofo he was now. His daughter wanted to wrap herself in his shirt, and he was just laying here in a big melty puddle of love and gratitude.

His shirt now snugly in place, Lily flopped down with a happy giggle, curling into Tora’s left side with a contented sigh. She slid a hand out of her T-shirt burrito hug, giving the now stickerless potato another pat.

“Big feelings are all small! Daddy has the words to say why you’re sad now!” she triumphantly declared, wiggling happily. And damn it, if that first part wasn’t true. Mostly because he was no longer wearing a shirt, had a slightly wet potato sitting on his chest, was covered in dinosaur stickers, and was confused as all hell. But his toddler was right, the tight, too full feeling around his heart was indeed entirely gone.

He'd thought she'd gotten distracted with the whole potato thing. But Lily was very much her hyper focused mother’s daughter, and had apparently not for one goddamn second forgotten her initial question.

Tora shook his head with a quiet chuckle, sliding his arm around his far too pleased daughter, tucking her more securely against his left side. He glanced down at the potato sitting on his chest and couldn't help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it all, his chest bobbing with amusement.

He had so many questions that would never be answered. But somehow, someway getting covered in dinosaur stickers with a wet potato of all things on him actually fuckin' worked, unlocking the words he couldn't reach before.

Tora gratefully patted Lily's head with his free hand before gently combing his fingers through her wild hair, slowly untangling any knots he found.

“So ya know how I have other shirts that look the same, but there’s only one Binkie?”

Lily nodded and hummed in agreement, already growing heavier against his side.

“Well, it’s kinda the same with this couch. There’s plenty of 'em out there, we even have a brand spankin’ new one at the house already, but this is the only one that Joe gave me.”

Lily tilted her head up without lifting it off Tora's chest. "The couch is Daddy's Binkie?" she asked, tapping one foot against the backrest.

"Not exactly." Tora shrugged his shoulder, the words flowing out without any resistance now. "Not anymore at least. Maybe it was a long time ago, before I met your mom."

He cupped the top of Lily's head, tracing his thumb up and down her cute little nose as she watched his face. Her gaze was so full of trust and love it made his chest ache, a fierce protectiveness welling up as it always did whenever he held his baby girl close.

Tora gave her a soft, lopsided smile as he went on. "The couch was my Binkie for a while, when I didn't have anything else. It was a way to remember Joe and…the happy things he wanted for me, when there were a lot of other people telling me to do bad things instead."

Lily blinked at him. "Did Daddy do bad things?" she asked, her soulful eyes taking him in without judgement.

Tora sighed, trying not to clench his teeth as his gaze drifted over Lily's shoulder, not looking at anything in particular. He nodded, just once, swallowing hard. 

"Yeah…yeah, I did. Not because I wanted to, but I was…stuck. Didn't know how to get away from any of it for a long time. I thought that's who I was, because so many people kept telling me I was a bad person."

Lily stuck out her lips and shook her head. "But Daddy's not bad. You're good," she said with firm resolution, not even a hint of a doubt in her voice, just stating an indisputable fact like the sky was blue. "You say sorry for being bad, and try again the right way."

Tora dropped his gaze to the stupid fuckin' potato now resting against the koi fish on his forearm, giving his head a small, disbelieving shake. "Yeah, that's pretty much what Joe and your Gramma Alice said too. They were the only ones who wanted me to be good and tried to help me be better."

Lily arched an eyebrow. "Mommy helped too?"

A soft smile reflexively spread across his face at the mention of Poppy, the edges of his eyes crinkling. "Yeah, your mom helped a whole hell of a lot. But I didn't meet her for a really long time, so it was just Joe and Alice trying to help. And then Joe…" he swallowed against the hard knot suddenly wedged in his throat.

"And then Joe died," Lily matter-of-factly filled in, just as tactlessly blunt as her dad. "So you were sad and missed him and cuddled with your couch."

Tora couldn't help but laugh, giving Lily a grateful squeeze before his smile dropped away. "Yeah, I was really sad, and my heart hurt for a long time. I needed the couch to feel better," he admitted, lifting his hand off his daughter's back to fondly pat the saggy backrest. "But then I met your mom, and she was…amazing, and made everything so much happier. Made me realize I could actually change for the better," he said softly.

"And bootyfull! Mommy's bootyfull," Lily adamantly cut in.

Tora couldn't help but grin as he nodded and tried to keep a somewhat chaste expression. Oh, did his gorgeous wife ever have a full booty he still couldn't get enough of.

"Damn straight, kid. Glad we both agree your mom is a beautiful angel. And when we got married, she gave me this, so I can always remember how wonderful she is," he said, holding up his left hand where Lily could see it, tapping his thumb against his gold wedding band. The whorls of Poppy's fingerprint were deeply etched into it, faintly glimmering from the city lights filtering through the window.

Tora lowered his hand so Lily could grab his ring, his tactile little tiger twisting it around his finger as usual.

"I guess ya could say this is my Binkie now. When I can't be around you and your mom, this is a reminder of how much I love you and that you guys love me too."

Lily paused in playing with his wedding ring, putting a small hand just below where his had been on the backrest a few moments ago. "Couch is old Binkie. But Daddy has new Binkie," she said, clearly putting the pieces together in her toddler brain.

Tora nodded. "Mhmm. So I'm a little sad that the couch isn't coming to the house with us. But it's old and falling apart now, so it's time to let it go bye bye. You and your mom are way better than some crappy, old furniture anyways."

Lily set her jaw, her gaze going steely as she squinted up at Tora. "Daddy can have more Binkies," she resolutely said.

He chuckled and patted her back. "I appreciate the sentiment, kid, but I'm perfectly happy with the ring from your mom. And I can actually bring it with me everywhere I go, unlike the couch."

Lily wiggled around, scooching up towards Tora's face even as she kept his T-shirt snugly wrapped around her. "Daddy can keep all the Binkies," she insisted, slapping her tiny hand against the couch.

He put his hand over hers, smiling at how fierce she already was about wanting her family to feel safe and loved. "It's okay, Lily, I only need one Binkie now. Sometimes we need more, but I'm really happy with you, your mom, and my ring. And there's so many other things that make me feel good too. Those are just the top three," he said, giving her tiny hand a reassuring squeeze.

"And baby?" she said in a suddenly quiet, small voice.

"What about the baby?" he asked in total befuddlement, trying to figure out the sudden subject change.

"Baby will make Daddy happy and feel better, and…not Lily? Like old Binkie?"

Ooh, so that's what this was about. It was easy to forget how young she still was sometimes. 

Tora quickly gathered his daughter into his arms, holding her tight. "Of course not, Kodora. You will always make me happy. You're my little tiger, remember? Your sister will be my little…something else. I’ll figure it out once I meet her."

Lily gave him a small smile, pushing up so she could splay a hand over her namesake flower on his ribs, concern shadowing her eyes again. "My flower?"

Tora put his hand over hers again. "Is that what you're worried about? Cuz this will always be your flower. A lily for my brave little Lily girl who decided she'd waited long enough to meet us and just had to bust out two weeks early," he said, lightly tickling her neck. "Scared the shit outta me, barreling into the world so damn fast like that."

Lily giggled and squirmed as his fingers danced up over her ear and back down to her shoulder. Her eyes were only full of light and laughter now.

Tora cupped one side of his smiling daughter's face, brushing his thumb over her cheek as he patted his tiger lily tattoo. "But you were an absolutely amazing early birthday present. And this one's just for you. I'll get a different one for your sister, okay? And when she gets here, that just means even more love to go around. I'll have a top four instead of a top three."

Lily searched his face, her gaze flitting over the dinosaur stickers before settling on the potato that was now wedged between his right bicep and his ribs. She pointed at it, locking eyes with Tora.

"Daddy needs more nomnom stay?"

Tora shook his head with a smile, still wondering what the hell that had been about. "Nah, I'm good, kid. It worked the first time. Definitely feeling a whole lot better now."

Lily nodded at that before she picked the potato up, unzipped her pajamas partway, and tucked it inside.

Tora couldn't resist asking just one question, morbid curiosity getting the best of him even though he knew a satisfying answer was unlikely. "So…how did ya get the nom nom stay wet, Wildcat?"

Lily looked up at him like he was the single dumbest man alive. "It needed a bath," she said flatly, as if that was the most obvious answer in the world.

"Oh yes, a bath. Of course. Silly me, shouldn't have even asked," Tora muttered. "A bath in your bedroom. For a goddamn potato. Makes perfect fuckin' sense."

Lily didn't pick up on the sarcasm, proudly patting over where the potato was now stuffed inside her onesie as she very loudly said in her sweet, little chipmunk voice, "Fuck yeah, damn right, ya little punk ass bitch."

Oh, he was in so much trouble now. That…that was definitely something he'd said. Probably recently and more than once. Likely while he'd been playing that new battle royale video game Poppy had gotten him as an anniversary present last month. The one he only played when their daughter was supposed to be sleeping.

Tora tried to shush her, but Lily blithely kept going. "Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining, booboo. We're droppin' dubs, and peein' on the same bush now, bro."

Tora sighed and dropped his head back in defeat. There was no way Poppy hadn't overheard their well spoken, fuckin' noisy ass toddler doing her best impression of a goddamn parrot. What did his wife like to say? Little walls have ears? Yeah, their daughter had apparently been listening more than he realized. Definitely inherited both of her uncles' nosy, eavesdropping tendencies, that was for damn sure. Tora swore he was going to tape their fudgin' mouths shut the next time they visited as his daughter continued to profanely chatter away.

Hours after Lily was born, his wife had caught him talking to their newborn with his "professor" voice, the one he still used when he was updating the angel investors about Red Koi or trying to make a good impression when he met new people. He didn't let so much as a single "ya" or swear drop out of his mouth, each word properly enunciated, his distinctive Narin City thug accent tamped down as much as possible. Tora thought it made him sound smarter, more polished and presentable, less like Ares Street gutter trash….and Poppy hated it with a burning passion.

She'd told him, on that long ago night when he'd worriedly tracked her down in Moonbright, to just be himself, to not change the way he spoke or acted around her. She'd claimed how he spoke was cute, the first time anyone had ever complimented his lazy accent or the profanity laden words that came out of his mouth. He'd kept using his "cute lil street slang," but had done his best to swear less, especially after their yelling match the night Poppy got attacked in her old apartment.

But moving to Olzii had been a chance to start fresh, reinvent himself, shake off the stigma of being some Balthuman branded street brawler. He wasn't the Tiger anymore; Thomas Wilkes was a regular, normal guy, and shouldn't sound like someone who'd cut his teeth breaking bones and spilling blood in dark back alleys. He needed to sound smart and like he had his shit together to successfully run his business. But even more than that, Tora hadn't wanted his daughter to pick up his old street thug speech patterns, didn't want her to have a dad who sounded like some lumbering meathead who barely graduated high school.

Poppy would have none of it though and put a firm stop to that admittedly shitty line of thinking before Lily was even a day old. Pale and recovering from giving birth earlier that morning, still propped up in her hospital bed, his fiery wife had told him to "knock it the fudge off, and just talk normal." She reminded Tora she'd fallen in love with him as he was, and that their daughter would too. Obviously they both knew having an unfiltered potty mouth wasn't a great example for their child, but Poppy emphatically refused to let him change everything about the way he spoke.

The whole not swearing thing was probably something he should work on a little bit more seriously now that Lily was getting older, her stream of obscenity filled slang still flowing unabated. Damn, he and his brothers really did run their mouths a lot, didn't they? Tora could only imagine how much worse it'd be if the goddamn thuglets with their endless, shit for brains, verbal diarrhea were around. 

Though he had to admit, it was pretty fuckin' hilarious hearing his precocious, hamster cheeked toddler dropping phrases in her little pipsqueak voice like, "flying flock of fucks," (that was from him) and "entirely useless sack of shit," (Goliath) and "giant blundering shit wiggle," (Quincey, of course). Not that he'd ever tell Poppy that.

"Ooookaay, I think it's time to get ya back to bed now that we're all done with nom nom stay," Tora jumped in as Lily showed no signs of stopping her unbroken string of profanities. When and where the hell had she picked up all of these? Fuck, there were definitely some in there even Tora hadn't heard before, which was saying something. Impressionable little parrot, indeed.

He patted the potato lump on the front of her jammies. "Daddy is feeling much better. You're feeling better. We're all feeling great, so let's call it a night, Wildcat." Before I get chewed out by an angry hamster for all this new spicy vocabulary you somehow picked up, he finished to himself. The wrathful ire of his pregnant hamster wife was not something he wished to rouse just then, desperately hoping Poppy had happened to dip her head under water for the worst of it.

But he was 0 for 2 that night, quietly groaning as Poppy called out from the bathroom, "Yes, because Mommy apparently needs to talk to Daddy about a little something called the swear jar again, and how tiny tigers with their big ears hear everything whether you realize it or not."

Lily giggled, little shit stirrer that she was, and patted Tora's bare stomach like she wasn't the one who'd just been cussing the paint off the walls. "Oops, busted, Daddy!"

Tora sat up and flipped Lily upside down, tucking her under his arm like an oversized football as she flailed and shrieked with laughter. He playfully bopped her legs with her dinosaur tail as he said, "Yeah, busted is right, ya little stinker. Gettin' me in trouble with the big boss again. You're not gettin' away with it just cuz you're cute. Those hamster tricks don't work on me."

At the same time, both mother and daughter loudly called him out on his shit with a resounding, "Yeah, they do!"

Tora laughed and shook his head as he bounced his giggling hamster tiger dinosaur child against his right hip. "Damn, can't get nothin' past ya, can I? Okay, ya got me. I know when I'm licked," he said, raising his voice to make sure Poppy heard him. "Guess it's time to call it a night before I dig myself any deeper."

He patted Lily's butt as he rose to his feet to take her back to her crib, but his daughter apparently had other ideas, suddenly arching back with an angry, shrill, "Nooooo!"

Tora tried to keep walking with her tucked backwards under his arm, but Lily decided right then to live up to his nicknames for her. Every bit a furious little tiger on the warpath, his daughter furiously clawed and kicked at any part of him she could reach, wordlessly shrieking in rage. His T-shirt came loose from around her and dropped to the floor before Tora hissed as her fingernails raked across his old scar. He reflexively pulled his suddenly fussy Battle Hamster flush against his chest, wondering what the hell had set her off so bad.

"Nooooo! No bed!" Lily screamed with an increasingly flushed face as she fought with all her toddler might to break free. "No! Nooo! NOOOOO!"

Tora frowned in confusion as his daughter melted down into the angry, howling tantrum he thought she'd have when he told her Binkie was at the house. While he logically knew this wasn't a reflection on him as a parent, he could still feel his core muscles reflexively quivering in the face of her fierce displeasure and anger. He tried to soothingly pat her back, stroke her head, anything to calm her, but Lily was having none of it, fat angry tears sliding down her now vividly red face as she continued to thrash around in his arms.

Tora never knew what to say at times like this, feeling like this was all his fault somehow, that if he was a less broken person, a better parent he could fix it, figure out what was wrong before it got to this point. Never mind that toddler logic made no goddamn sense. It could be something as random as the tag in her jammies suddenly being itchy, or her hair felt weird, or–

Her livid shouts suddenly coalesced into coherent words. "COUCH! Couch, Daddy! No bed, no bed! Stay on Binkie couch!!" she wailed, flailing a hand over his shoulder, straining to grab at the old piece of furniture across the room. "Daddy needs Binkie couch!" she insisted at the top of her lungs, delivering a flurry of kicks to his stomach.

"Okay, okay! Jesus, calm down, Kodora, I'm walking back, see?" he shuffled backwards so she could see the couch coming closer. Lily instantly quieted and went still as Tora felt the peeling front edge of the couch bump against the back of his calves. He quickly plopped down, leaning against the backrest to let his teary eyed daughter sit on his lap.

"What's goin’ on in that little Battle Hamster brain of yours? Thought we were good for tonight," Tora said as he brushed the tears off her hot cheeks with his thumbs.

Lily shakily sniffed, leaning around him to pat the sagging backrest. "Daddy needs old Binkie," she said between shuddering breaths.

Tora sighed and arched an eyebrow, raising his left hand between them as he tapped his thumb against his wedding ring again. "Thought we went over this, kid. I have new Binkies, new things that make me feel better, I don't need it anymore," he said, working to keep his voice level. 

Fuck, she'd really gotten him good since he didn't have a shirt on. He ignored the increasing sting of the several long scratches she'd managed to get in on his low back and right side, his still upset toddler a much bigger priority at the moment.

Lily glared up at Tora through wet lashes as she hiccupped, "Daddy needs to say thank you and bye bye to old Binkie!”

Tora's mouth dropped open and immediately snapped shut as his jaw furiously worked. That's what he'd been fuckin' trying to do before she got up! Would've still been reminiscing about Joe if she hadn't been stealing his clothes and clawing him to shit.

Before he could say anything, Lily leaned forward even further, slipping entirely off his lap, both small hands sinking into the backrest. She looked up at Tora as she pressed her cheek into the peeling leather. "Lily needs to say thank you and bye bye too," she said quietly.

Oh. Oh. God, he was such a fuckin' idiot. And he said he read people well. Damnit, he hadn't even thought of how hard it might be for Lily to lose the couch, the place they'd cuddled the most for her entire short life so far. Tora didn't like change all that much, but he at least understood this move was for the better. But for his young daughter still figuring out how the world worked?

New home, new room, new bed, new couch, new sister - everything was changing right out from under her feet so damn fast. Her Binkie wasn't here tonight, and now he'd just told her their cuddle spot wasn't coming with them. Of course she was feeling off kilter. He'd be beyond pissed if someone misplaced his wedding ring and downright murderous if anyone kept him from his wife and daughter.

Tora's shoulders slumped before he slouched and slid down, bringing his face almost level with Lily's. "Ya need to say goodbye too, huh?" he asked softly, tapping the back of his knuckles against the wrinkled leather next to his head.

Lily nodded, the side of her face still pressed into the couch, curled up like a little golden eyed kitten. She looked up at him with big, woeful eyes, a single tear slipping down her cheek.

Christ, how had he not seen what was going on for her before now? He'd been running around the past week like a damn chicken with its head cut off, from work to home to their house to home to work to the house, busy taking care of all the details, trying to make sure Poppy wasn't overdoing it….while definitely overdoing it himself.

Tora wiped Lily's cheek, ghosting his thumb below her eye as he cupped the side of her face. It was a good reminder to stop, to not let the old, worn couch go without taking a moment to say thanks and goodbye to Joe…and to himself, acknowledge how far he'd come in 17 years, who he wasn't anymore. To be honest, teenage Tora hadn't been all that pleasant to be around, a cocky, depressed, arrogant, selfish little prick who didn't realize what Joe gave him. Not just with the couch, but with his time, his advice, his help, even when Tora stubbornly refused to ask. 

He only chewed straight because Joe forced him to get his broken jaw looked at by an actual doctor. It was Joe who'd popped more than one dislocated shoulder back into place, set Tora's nose when he got his face bashed in that one time, and expertly patched him up just as readily as he'd fixed the couch.

Joe was the one who implored Tora to leave a light on inside himself, even just a tiny flickering flame. Joe of all people knew how hard it was to fight against the darkness, to hold onto yourself, to actually break free…but he'd believed Tora could do it. Made him promise to fight that battle, even when it felt completely hopeless. He'd believed in Tora when no one else did, not even himself.

You deserve a second chance. Believe in yourself, the weathered sign at Alice's said. The same damn one still hanging there after all these years. The old bat said it would stay until she finally kicked the bucket, refusing to take it down in case another lonely stray needed a safe place and some tough love.

A second chance.

Tora blinked back at Lily, tracing his thumb over her damp cheek. Yes, he'd gotten that and so much more, hadn't he? A life he wanted to live, with a name and titles he was proud to claim, returning each day to a home full of family and love. And light. So much damn light.

He was so fuckin' lucky. Joe had given him so much. So much he didn't think he deserved. But Joe and Alice both believed he did. And here he was. With his daughter. Saying goodbye to the couch that held him when he didn't have anyone else to lean on. A way for Joe to keep encouraging Tora to hang onto the light even years after he was gone.

Tora gently pulled Lily onto his chest as he swung his legs around to lay down again. He dropped a kiss on the top of her head, sending up a silent thank you that he got to be here to do that, to hold her, to be her dad.

She looked up at him with a shaky smile, still catching her breath from her meltdown before she shot a glance over at the black shirt crumpled on the floor. Tora was grateful for his long limbs, reaching to snag the T-shirt with his toes so he didn't have to get off the couch, not wanting to trigger another bout of crying.

He draped "the stinky" over Lily's back and she nuzzled into his chest, the potato still wedged inside her pajamas pressing into his stomach. They laid there quietly for a few breaths, the only sounds the autumn wind blowing outside and Poppy puttering around in the bathroom, now out of the tub and drying off.

Tora ran his hand over Lily's head and down her back, tucking his shirt more snugly around her, a hug inside a hug. "So…how ya wanna say thank you and goodbye to the couch, Kodora?" he softly asked once her breathing had evened out.

Lily pressed her nose against the peony on Tora's chest before she turned her face towards the backrest, thoughtfully looking over the cushion. She slipped a hand out and pressed it into the old grey leather, tapping her fingers against the empty space to the left of her hand.

Tora shifted his grip on her, rolling slightly onto his left, crossing his right hand over Lily's to splay his fingers out next to hers. He held his hand there, not saying anything as memories flickered through his mind like dancing candle flames. Small moments, big ones, achingly lonely nights when his young shoulders felt too heavy to sleep. 

The day he feverishly fell asleep with his head cradled in Poppy's lap, sick as a dog but feeling truly safe and taken care of for the first time in his adult life. 

The night everything came spilling out at the worst possible time, and he wasn't sure if the woman he loved would ever speak to him again. His heart had practically dropped into his feet as he’d watched her storm out of the room without so much as a backwards glance at him. 

Moving into their first apartment together. 

Him finally out of the hospital after being gutted, still barely able to sit up on his own, his hamster worriedly hovering, stuffing supportive pillows around him everywhere she could. 

Excitedly planning their fall wedding that year. 

Carrying her over the threshold for the first time as a married couple. 

Grabbing only what they could carry and fleeing in the night just a couple months later.

Moving into this apartment here in Olzii. Everything so much brighter and alive and free. He could breathe for the first time in his whole life. 

Finding himself. Making a home with the woman he loved beyond life itself. Nervously preparing for their baby. 

And then…there was Lily. Bringing her home, holding her, watching her grow and walk and run and leap and climb.

Tora swallowed hard, feeling his eyes growing wet now too. 

So much. Joe had given him so damn much. And Gyu. And Alice. And the thuglets and Danny who all thought he'd died almost six years ago now. And yes, even fuckin' Goliath if he squinted a bit.

And Lily gave him more. So much more. More than he ever thought possible all those years ago when he hopelessly stared at the bare walls of yet another cold, lonely apartment, sleep eluding him as the darkness pressed ever closer.

Lily patted the couch like she was petting a friendly dog, entirely unaware of the whirlwind of images flooding through her dad's mind. "Thank you, Binkie couch," she said brightly. "Thank you for cuddling with Daddy when he didn't have no one to cuddle. And for cuddling with us together."

Lily poked the back of Tora's hand before she splayed her fingers out next to his again, tapping the couch. "Your turn, Daddy!"

Tora pressed his hand into the leather, the ragged edges of the cracks curling into his palm, the lifelines of a journey he once thought he wouldn't live to start, let alone get to finish. But here he was.

"Thank you," he brokenly whispered, his voice almost failing him. "Thank you for being there. Thank you for not giving up on my sorry ass, for helping me to keep going when it all felt like too damn much. For…" He blinked hard, swallowing around the knot rising in his throat.

Tora slipped his hand over Lily's, curling his fingers around hers. "Thank you for this," he whispered fiercely, squeezing her tiny hand. "Thank you for the second chance, to do things right, to be…me. Just me. For her. Thank you."

Lily nodded where her head lay over his heart before she slipped her hand out from under his. "Now we say bye bye, Daddy," she simply said, putting her hand over Tora's now. "Bye bye, Binkie couch."

God, she made it so easy and so damn hard at the same time. "Goodbye. Thanks for…everything. Shoulda said it sooner, but better late than never, right?" Tora said softly with a faint smile.

Lily reprovingly swatted at his hand. "We already said thank you, Daddy!"

Tora huffed a quiet laugh, closing his eyes for a moment against the tears threatening to spill over. "Ah damn, you're right, silly me, Wildcat. Just had to say thanks one more time, just in case the first one wasn't enough."

Lily pursed her lips and thought that over before she nodded. "Okay, I'll allow it," she loftily declared.

Tora snorted, smiling as he brushed the hair out of her eyes. "Gee, thanks, so nice of ya," he quipped. "Sooo, bed now?"

"No," Lily said firmly. She patted Tora's hand once more and then rolled, curling into his left side, pulling the sleeves of his shirt more snugly around her.

"No?" Tora bemusedly asked.

"No. Now we cuddle on Binkie couch, Daddy," she declared, her tone making it clear the matter was not up for discussion. "Cuddle old Binkie with new Binkie and pretend Binkie and the stinky."

Tora wrapped his arm around Lily, a smile tugging hard at his mouth even as he blinked at the lingering wetness in the corners of his eyes. "Sounds like a good plan to me, Wildcat. All the Binkies we can get together tonight for an extra good cuddle, huh?"

She nodded vigorously. "I dig, I dig. Now you're gettin' it, bro. We're vibing," she said, back to parroting her blue haired uncle.

Lily slipped a hand free, laying it palm up over Tora's heart. After a moment, she huffed and wiggled her fingers in silent invitation, clearly wanting his hand. Tora gratefully curled his fingers around hers, giving her a little squeeze that she returned.

It was just a couch. Just a simple, fuckin' couch that Joe gave him when he was a little punk ass thug with no hope for the future, desperately clinging to that tiny flickering light inside himself. 

And he was so damn grateful he'd gotten the chance to give it a proper sendoff, one last cuddle session with his daughter the perfect way to say thank you and goodbye.

Thank you for giving a shit, Joe.

Tora closed his eyes, his heart beating strong and true against his and Lily's joined hands.

And thank you for one hell of a damn good couch.

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