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Have a Heart too Long, It's Bound to Break

Summary:

An offer to join the Dark Order, a beat down, and a confrontation are all it takes to send Hangman Adam Page spiraling down the rabbit hole.

Kenny, Matt, and Nick love Hangman, they do, but their love hurts and Adam can't accept it.

Notes:

The Elite are such messy bitches and I love writing about them.

The title of this fic is an Orville Peck lyric, so do with that what you will.

Also, all the text in italics are Hangman's thoughts.

Anyway, the confrontation between Hangman and Brodie is basically a detailed description of what happened on Dynamite, so if you need a refresher- here

Work Text:

Adam panted as he looked over the five Dark Order members standing in his way.

Fuck this, he thought, if they wanted a fight he was more than willing to give it to them, he had some anger to work through anyway. “Get in the ring!” he yelled, but they continued to just stand there. He considered just running at them, until out walked Mr. Brodie Lee, the big man himself. 

Great, he thought, I’m really fucked now.

Brodie Lee calmly entered the ring and approached Adam, mic in hand. “Mr. Page, I have been nothing but impressed with you. I was impressed by that match, I was impressed by your rise to stardom, but what I am not impressed by is your lack of friends and your lack of a tag partner, when you are clearly in immediate danger.”

Adam furrowed his brow, Was that a threat? Who the hell was Brodie Lee to question his friendship status or lack thereof? His relationship with Kenny and the Bucks was fine and the last thing he needed was the Dark Order noising their way into his business. 

The frustration must have been evident on his face because Brodie Lee held his hand up, “I didn’t say I was gonna hit you, that’s not why we’re here, but what I’m here to ask you, to offer you, is that the Dark Order can protect you. And we would never, we would never once leave you alone, not at a bar, not in this ring. We would never leave you alone. So that’s what we are here to offer you.”

Adam stared in disbelief at Brodie Lee as he offered him a position among the Dark Order. 

Why the hell was this happening? 

He approached the guy once, mentioning he had filled out the Dark Order’s application a long time ago and now he wanted him to join his cult. Filling out that form had been a mistake, he had hit new rock bottom and was probably really drunk. He had been so frustrated with the losses and everything going wrong in his shitty life, so in desperation he filled out that stupid form and now here he was. 

His biggest enemy, the consequences of his own actions.

But he would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that the words coming from Brodie Lee weren’t in the slightest bit tempting. 

God, how sad was that?

That the words of a cult leader, no matter how hollow they might be, were more comforting than any of the promises the Elite had made. Change the world? How naive he had been to believe in that bullshit, how could Adam think he was ever good enough to change the world? Next to Kenny and the Bucks, golden gods of wrestling, he was nothing more than a pathetic mortal who flew too close to the sun. But, despite all that he thought that maybe they had- 

He shook his head. He couldn’t think about that, it was behind him, he was over it, and god did he need a drink right now. 

He grabbed the mic that was offered to him by Brodie Lee. “Hey man, I appreciate the compliments and all, and I uh, appreciate the offer of friendship, but to be honest with you,”

“I’m not good at friendships.” he wanted to say. I ruin everything, the only things I’m good at is drinking and fucking up the only good things in my life. Everything I touch doesn’t turn to gold, like Kenny, no instead everything I touch turns to rot. So please just leave me alone, I don’t want to ruin more people, just let me die alone.” These are all the things he wanted to say, but instead he said, 

“I don’t know if I’m really ready to join a cult right now.” 

By the look on Brodie Lee’s face Adam could tell he wasn’t pleased with his answer. After snatching  the mic back from Adam, Brodie Lee spoke, “Cowboy,” he shook his head, “cowboy, if I may call you that, you just made your bed and I hope you enjoy your sleep in it.” He threw the mic and stormed out of the ring. On his way out he whispered something to one of his lackeys and walked to the back. 

Slowly, the five members of the Dark Order encircled him and before any of them could lay a hand on him, Adam threw the first punch. He was so angry at everything, at himself, at the Elite, at the world and if beating up a couple of assholes was going to make him feel better than so be it. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins, blood pounding in his ears, and the pain that radiated through his fists whenever he cracked one of the Dark Order over the head

Suddenly, the world was shifting under his feet as he fell to the mat. He tried to get up, but he was being pinned down, he struggled against the grip, but was met with several blows to the head and kicks to the abdomen. As he curled in on himself pain thrummed through him like a symphony, constant and never-ending. 

He wishes it would end. 

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the footsteps running to the ring. Suddenly there was shouting and then he wasn’t being stomped on anymore. He opened his eyes and was looking up into the eyes of Cash Wheeler, one half of the tag team FTR. 

“Hey, bud come on I got ya.” Cash offered a hand to Adam and he took it. Once he was finally on his feet, he could see Dax Harwood chase off the remaining members of the Dark Order and as he leaned against the ropes an ugly feeling began blossoming in his chest. Where the hell was Kenny? He knows that he and Kenny weren’t on the best of terms currently, but they were tag partners and he thought that maybe might mean Kenny actually gave a shit about him. You stupid cowboy, he thought. Kenny was probably off with the Bucks in their EVP locker room laughing their ass off at how stupid he was. 

He must have had some sort of look on his face because Cash laid a hand on his shoulder and asked, “Hey, man you ok?” He shook Cash’s hand off his shoulder and nodded. “Yeah, just kind of angry they got the better of me.” “Well, it was kind of a 5 on 1 situation going on.” “Speaking of 5 on 1,” Dax now approached him with his seemingly ever present grumpy face. “Where the hell is your tag partner?” “Kenny’s not-”

As if summoned by the mere mention of his name, Kenny appeared from the back, running to the ring. When he stepped into the ring his eyes settled on Adam and he approached him out of breath. “Hanger, god I didn’t-” “Where the hell were you?” Dax interrupted. Kenny blinked in surprise at Dax then settled for an annoyed expression. “This,” he gestured between him and Adam, “Is none of your business.” “It is when your boy is getting beat up and you don’t come out to help, so we have to.” “That’s not- I was trying to come out and-” he turned to Adam. “Adam, you know I wouldn’t leave you out here to get beat up.”

Did he know that? Why would Kenny go through all the trouble to save him? Why would anyone? If worse came to worse the Elite would go back to being an inseparable trio, and that was probably for the best, right? Adam could feel his hands begin to shake and suddenly he really wanted a drink right now. Sure, drinking wouldn’t fix his problems at all, but at least for a period of time he could be numb to the world.

“So, you were just going to let his head get stomped in before you came out?” Cash accused.

“I wasn’t watching the feed and I didn’t know what was happening until the Bucks told me and-”

“You know,’ Dax interrupted, “Real tag partners accompany each other to the ring, but let me guess, you were too busy?”

“I wasn’t-”

Adam wonders how much alcohol it would take for him to forget everything. From the big pains, like the humiliating loss to Chris Jericho for the AEW World Championship, to the little pains, like the aching feeling in his chest he felt whenever he got too close to the Elite. It all hurt so much and he didn’t know how to make it stop hurting and he wanted it to stop hurting so bad.

Please make it stop.

Make it stop.

“Stop!” Adam shouted at the men. Immediately all three men shut their mouths. There was a tense moment of silence until Kenny spoke up, “Adam?” He looked up at Kenny and saw the worry in his eyes. He shook his head, he didn’t want it, especially not from Kenny. “Look, I’m tired guys and I just got my ass handed to me, so can we drop it for now?” They all nodded and Cash nudged him, offering him an ice cold beer. “Where the hell did you get this?” “Our cooler.” he said, gesturing toward the mat. It was then Adam noticed bits and pieces of a destroyed styrofoam cooler and beer cans strewn across the ring.  

“You brought a cooler to the ring?” Cash smiled and bent over to pick up another beer. “You have to always be ready to celebrate a win,” he held up his beer, “Cheers.” Adam smiled. “Cheers.” He gulped down the beer and felt a warm sensation spread through his body. “C’mon,” Dax slapped him on the shoulder, “Let’s get you to the trainers.” “Yeah, god I hope I’m not injured.”

Kenny just watched on, feeling his heart in his throat. 

 

* * * * *

 

“You’re good to go Page.” The doc said after checking on him. 

“You sure I don’t need stitches?” 

The doc laughed, “No, just take it easy for a while.” 

“Thanks, doc.” Adam sat up from the examination table and began to make his way towards the exit. “Oh, and Adam?” 

“Hm?” 

“Try to lay off the alcohol for a bit.”

Adam felt an uncomfortable sensation begin to make its way up his throat. “No.” He wanted to say. “I can’t be sober, I don’t like who I am when sober.” But instead he said,

“Sure, doc.” And made his way out of the trainers room. 

When he got into the hallway he saw Kenny on his phone, waiting there. “Hey, Ken.” Kenny looked up and smiled. “Hey, Hanger you good?” Adam rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah, no major injury or anything, just a bit tired.” “Maybe, you should come back to our locker room and rest for a bit?” Kenny stepped closer to him. A conflicting feeling filled Adam, on one hand he wanted to get as far away from Kenny as possible, because he knew if he got closer it would hurt him, burn him even, but on the other hand he wanted nothing more than to be in Kenny’s embrace. Instead he settles for staying where he was and trying his best not to give into his stupid impulses. 

“Nah, I think I’ll just head back to the hotel.” A disappointed look flashes across Kenny’s face. “You sure?” Adam shifted uncomfortably, he wanted to be alone right now and not deal with any of the Elite's emotional bullshit. If he went back to their locker room he doesn't know how it might end, maybe they'll end up in a bloody brawl or probably end up tearing each other's heads off, he doesn't know nor care enough to stick around and find out. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, I just need to get some sleep.”

"OK, then I drive you there, let me just get my keys-"

Adam stopped him. "Oh no, Kenny you don't have to." Kenny just stared at him blankly. "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'll take an Uber or something, it's fine." There was a moment of silence and Adam assumed the conversation was over, he began to walk away until Kenny grabbed his wrist. “Hanger-” 

Adam immediately pulled away from him. “I’m tired Kenny, and I don’t feel like having this conversation right now.” 

“Then when?” Kenny demanded. “You didn’t want to have it when we won the belts, you didn’t want to have it after we fought the Bucks, so when?” 

“What’s there to talk about?” Adam knew exactly what Kenny was getting worked up about, and he was right about Adam avoiding a conversation that involved the Bucks. Good, he thought, let Kenny be angry. Maybe then he’ll begin to understand how Adam felt. 

“Oh, I don’t know there’s plenty to talk about,” Kenny was annoyed, evident from the way his brows were scrunched up, to the way his voice became snippy. “Like how, you and the Bucks haven’t talked properly since our match at Revolution or how it feels as though you don’t give a shit about our tag team-”

Adam scoffed. “Oh, I don’t give a shit, that’s rich coming from you.”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Last time I checked, I’m not the one who wrestled a thirty minute iron match days before our match with the Bucks.”

“That’s not fair,” Kenny breathes. “Pac beat me, he humiliated me, I had to wrestle him, I had to win, you wouldn’t understand that pressure-”

Adam could hear a ringing in his ears and suddenly he was back in the arena, lying face up on the mat as the crowd roared around him. His body hurt so much, but the lump in his throat and burning in his eyes were far worse. He wasn’t going to cry, he wasn’t going to embarrass himself further, this loss was shameful enough. He went out and told the world he was going to be the first AEW World Champion, he promised it, and he failed.  

I failed.

I can’t do this.

Help, he cried out.

But nobody came.

Something in Adam snapped. “Fuck you, Kenny, fuck you, I don’t understand losing? I lost possibly the biggest match in my career to Chris fucking Jericho, and you have the nerve to say I wouldn’t understand what that failure can do to you? Did you forget I lost to Pac too? The difference between us is, whenever you lost a big match you’ve always had the Bucks there to push you back up, when I lost my big match I couldn’t get a shred of sympathy from any of you. It was almost like y’all expected me to lose that match,”

“Adam, that’s not-”

“But, you wanna know the worst part of all, I still love you guys, I love you so much it hurts, it hurts and I don’t know what to do-” A sob cut Adam off. He could feel the tears prickling his eyes, but quickly wiped them away. He wouldn’t let Kenny see him cry, he wouldn’t let him see how much of a hold the Elite had on him. 

Kenny looked shocked at Adam, his eyes widened. “I didn’t …” He trailed off, seemingly unable to finish his thought. 

“Didn’t what?” Adam questioned.

Kenny just shook his head. “We love you Adam, we always have, you know that. I don’t …” His eyes suddenly brightened, as if a light bulb went off. “Come back to our locker room, let us show you we love you, let me,” He reached for him and Adam recoiled away. 

“No, Kenny, stop.” Kenny immediately froze and looked like a deer caught in headlights. “I can’t do this Kenny,” Adam laughed, cold and devoid of humor. “You don’t love me, you don’t even love the Bucks, you love that you know no matter awful you are to them, they’ll come crawling back to you, because they love you, we all love you, but you don’t love us, you’ll never love us,”

Adam knew he would be going for the lowest hanging fruit, pressing on an open wound, but he didn’t care, he wanted to hurt Kenny.

“Because you only love Kota, someone you abandoned.”

He saw Kenny flinch and look as though someone ripped out his heart. 

The Kota Ibushi shaped hole within the heart of Kenny Omega was always like a shadow looming over the Elite. Nothing could ever truly fill it, not the cleaner, not a championship, not even Matt Jackson, no matter how hard he tried. None of them would ever be Kota, and Adam realized this, as did Nick, Cody didn’t care, but Matt could never accept it. Somewhere in Matt’s mind he thought if he did everything right, everything Kenny said to a perfection, he would be rewarded for it, given a sliver of Kenny’s unconditional love, that he reserved for Kota. 

It hurt Adam to see Matt bend backwards for Kenny, when he knew, they all knew, except Matt who either couldn't or refused to see, it would never end happily. 

This will end in tragedy, he thought as he looked at Kenny, who instead of getting furious like Adam expected, looked dejected and miserable, and Adam couldn’t stand it, so without another word, he stormed away. 

He needed to leave, this was all too much, and as much as it pained him to think, the Elite were nothing but bad news for each other. That’s why he wanted to leave all those months ago, combined with his humiliating loss, but he was denied that. 

What now? He thought bitterly. A drink, and he knew just the two men that would help. 

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