Work Text:
Sayori stood outside the clubroom.
She had stared at this door countless times. The unique quirks of its craftsmanship and wear had been burned into her brain - the black smudge along the bottom, the slight indent above the door handle, the discoloration on the left side. Tiny, inconsequential things her mind latched onto and carefully checked to make sure they remained unchanged.
It was a secret daily ritual to buy her time to swallow down the pins that jabbed tirelessly at her brain before she entered the clubroom. The pins burned as they slid down her esophagus and sat heavy in her stomach, but the effort would allow her to smile for the others. An important thing. The most important thing.
Today it was even more important.
Today she had to smile no. matter. what.
Because she was about to be rejected.
It was fun in the beginning. Sayori had never been vice president of a club - hadn’t even entertained the idea before, really - but she was determined to take her duty seriously. Some quick internet searches had revealed what exactly she was supposed to be doing: note taking, standing in for the president when they were gone, and addressing concerns of the club members. In concept, it seemed clear enough.
However, when she looked at the literature club, things were a bit muddier.
Sayori carried a notepad with her as she began her pursuits, her favorite lucky pencil at the ready. When Sayori asked the two club members if they had any suggestions to make the club more inviting, Yuri timidly asked for a tea set while Natsuki perked up and asked if snacks were an option. To each request Sayori flashed a smile and promised she would bring the issue up to the president.
Then they went back to their respective readings and she felt lost again. Monika was in the clubroom, so she didn’t need to take the role of the president and she had already asked for the club members’ concerns. That left only note taking.
She cast her eyes around the quiet clubroom. Natsuki was huddled up in the corner, a stack of colorful manga at her side. Yuri sat primly at her desk, a tome of a novel open in front of her. Monika flipped through what appeared to be a light novel. Each girl looked deeply engrossed in what they were doing.
Despite knowing her observations were inconsequential, she wrote them down dutifully…and then stared at her still mostly blank page. Anxiety made her pencil move again, but instead of words, she produced a doodle in the margins. A three-legged dog. She stared at it, labeling it to make sure it was clear it was a dog and not a mangled chipmunk. This was why she hadn’t joined the art club.
The pins she had so dutifully swallowed down before entering the club room began to work their way back up her throat, causing a lump to form. How stupid she had been, thinking she could be a proper vice president. Monika had only offered her the position because she was the second person to join the club, not because she was qualified.
Just as those pins began to jab at the back of her eyes, a slim hand rested gently on her desk. She swallowed quickly and looked up with a bright smile at Monika. The other girl’s eyes carried both a question and concern, but Sayori quickly attempted to dispel both by presenting her hard work. She watched as Monika’s eyebrows shot up as she skimmed over the page. The pins in Sayori’s stomach roiled the longer she watched her read.
Then suddenly, she looked up with a dazzling smile.
Sayori blinked dully as she stared. While she had the power to summon a smile from nothing, Monika’s seemed to radiate a gentle sincerity. Sayori felt heat creep to her cheeks as she basked in its glow. It felt so…kind. Even now, she could still remember that smile and the words that followed it:
“This is great, Sayori! Do you mind if I take this home with me tonight to review? We can discuss it tomorrow!”
Sayori remained silent for just a beat too long before sunshine was forced onto her face. She readily agreed with Monika’s idea and only felt a minor giant spike of anxiety as Monika neatly folded the paper and inserted it into the book she had been reading. With her duties quite literally taken away, Sayori chose to strike up a conversation with Monika about her novel.
She managed to bury her concerns under layers of conversation as both Yuri and Natsuki were dragged into the discussion. By the time they all headed home for the evening, the anxiety was reduced to a low, rolling constant. Sayori was used to dealing with that.
But then she showed up to the club room the next day and Monika ran up to her immediately. Her eyes shimmered as she said:
“I have a few addendums to the notes you took yesterday. Could you look it over for me?”
Sayori was a bit confused what kind of addendums there could possibly be on her paltry notes, but she dutifully took the page. She could still remember the way her heart flipped as she read Monika’s note.
Anxiety had imagined all kinds of nasty things Monika might say, but there was only one addition to the page. Right beneath her three-legged dog (and label) there was a doodle in bright green pen of a five-legged cat (and label). The pen was the same color as Monika’s eyes. A smile and giggle pushed the pins from Sayori’s mind as she approved Monika’s additions with an enthusiastic nod.
And with surprising ease, the two of them fell into this daily ritual.
True to her internet-search-found duties, Sayori took notes every day. She noted things to take care of around the clubroom, schedules for future meetings, the weather, what Natsuki and Yuri were reading, general life updates - anything and everything went on her notes to the president. No longer did she try to stay her hand when she doodled, allowing her imagination to run wild as she filled the margins.
Just like the first note, at the start of the next meeting, Sayori received a response written in the pen that matched Monika’s eyes. It may have started with a simple doodle, but now Monika would respond to nearly everything on the page. Every exchange was a perfect mix of Sayori’s pencil and Monika’s pen, the two colors weaving between each other in an energetic dance.
All too soon, Sayori felt that tell-tale prickle in her heart. Each time she wrote to Monika, even she was aware of the soft, longing look that lingered on her face no matter how she tried to chase it away. She would run to the clubroom after school every day, her shoes squeaking against the tiles in time with her rapid heartbeat. Each night she dreamed in green.
Carefully, ever so carefully, she packed those feelings away. She wasn’t allowed to feel that way.
However, her pencil was honest when her heart was not.
It started as a page of notes much like any other. She opened by noting the broken chair that needed to be fixed and that Yuri had requested a fancy white tea that was supposed to help with relaxation. However, serious business quickly gave way once more to silly doodles. First was a panda with puffed up cheeks, next a waterfall, and finally-
Finally…
Was the doodle that had led her into this mess.
She hadn’t meant to draw it. Her mind and eyes had wandered (as they often did recently) to Monika. She was sitting at a nearby desk, her nose crinkled in concentration as she stared down at a piece of notebook paper. She was writing a poem. She had told Sayori in her last return note that she had some feelings she was trying to work out and she was thinking about tackling them via poetry. Sayori couldn’t help but be impressed with her bravery. It was so much easier to pack things away and forget instead of tackling them head on.
Suddenly, Monika glanced her direction and smiled. Sayori’s eyes returned to her page in a fluster and what she saw there made her heart stop cold.
A love umbrella. With her and Monika’s names under it. Crudely drawn, but it was there, plain as day. She had even dotted the “i” in Monika’s name with a heart. As soon as Sayori’s mind snapped back to reality, she began to furiously erase. Monika couldn’t know. She couldn’t tell her. With each sweep of her eraser, the pins receded a little. It was safer this way.
When she handed Monika her notes at the end of the day, she made up a lame excuse about having to go home early and ran out of the clubroom.
But when that text came from Monika in the middle of the night - “Can you come to the clubroom early tomorrow? I have something I want to talk to you about.” - she knew her fate was sealed. She had somehow seen the umbrella and was going to reject her.
So she stood outside the clubroom door.
Five minutes of inaction had passed. She couldn’t keep standing here waiting for the pins to overpower her. Gathering her sunshine, Sayori inhaled sharply and slid the clubroom door open.
“Hi Monika! What did you…”
Words died on Sayori’s tongue as she took in the scene before her. Monika stood in front of the blackboard, smiling in her direction. Sayori could feel the nervous energy coming off her in waves as she fiddled with the end of her long ponytail. It was endearing. Sayori felt her heart stutter.
However, her eyes soon settled on the chalkboard behind her.
A love umbrella. With her and Monika’s names under it. No. Not just one. Dozens . They were various sizes and colors, but the names under them remained constant. Sayori on one side, Monika on the other, hearts all around.
“Wha-” Sayori could only manage half a word as she turned her attention back to Monika.
“You were pushing really hard when you drew your love umbrella in the notes, so I was able to see it even though you erased it,” Monika explained, her hands continuing to play nervously with her hair, “And I’ve been trying to think of some way to confess, so I thought I would…steal yours? Maybe that’s weird, ah ha ha.”
Sayori’s eyes jumped between Monika and the blackboard. Her heart was going a mile a minute, doubts and anxieties stabbed at her mind, her entire body felt like it was on fire. She had been prepared for rejection. However, those love umbrellas on the board and Monika’s words told a different story.
“You really…want to go out with me?” The words eked out of Sayori’s mouth, somehow finding their way through all the pins.
“I do…if you want to go out with me…?”
“Of course!” Sayori surprised even herself with her conviction as she rushed forward and took Monika’s hands into her own, “I would love that! It would make me so happy!”
Sayori’s reward was a glowing, toothy smile from Monika as she squeezed her hands. The pins threatened to pop Sayori’s joy, but the feeling of Monika’s warm hand in her own held them at bay for now.
“Then…we’re girlfriends!” Monika said, her voice lilting in delight.
“We’re girlfriends!” Sayori repeated excitedly, pulling Monika into a tight hug underneath the giant umbrella drawn right in the middle of the board.
Sayori on one side, Monika on the other, hearts all around.