Chapter Text
Six months later
@watfordgoats: we are back
@LittleSebastian: @watfordgoats OMG HIIIIII
@shepwritesatx : Two days after @pitchrecord ’s announcement that The Watford Goats, minus two original members, will release a sophomore album, I sit down with @simonsnow1 and @tbazgp to discuss where the band goes from here austinchronicle.com/music/next-steps-for-twg
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What’s Next for The Watford Goats?
By Shepard Love
When I walk into SoCat Cafe on South Congress, I’m almost tempted to keep my sunglasses on; such is the combined star power of Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch and his bandmate, and partner, Simon Snow.
The two musical powerhouses sit on the same side of a dark pink booth, leaning in with their arms pressed together. I doubt it’s on purpose that the way they sit makes their matching tattoos align.
(Shortly after the band’s performance at Austin City Limits, Simon and Baz got a line from of Montreal’s ‘The Past is a Grotesque Animal’ written on their forearms: “We’re always touching by underground wires”, complete with a red string threaded through the words that match up.)
Still, it’s a clear enough signal that the honeymoon phase of their partnership has yet to end.
“Stop,” Baz groans, rolling his eyes when I say as much. “Besides, the honeymoon can’t end if it’s never started.”
“We’re not married,” Simon explains, his eyes darting back to Baz for some reason.
I choose to ignore this. “So what’s next for TWG?”
Simon leans back in the booth, draping an arm around Baz (who blushes at this gesture, I note). “It’s still weird for me to call us that, without Dev and Niall.”
“Even with their blessing,” Baz nods along.
For the record, Dev and Niall have emphatically endorsed the band continuing without them, even going so far as to help audition new members. (As of printing, the pair has yet to expand beyond two musicians.)
“But I guess the plan is to polish the next album, and then start touring,” Simon says.
“You’ve already done quite a bit of touring,” I point out.
Baz corrects me, “It was a vacation.”
“The open mic videos sing a different story, my friend.”
Simon and Baz have the decency to look bashful.
Readers may remember how, at the end of what was later labeled TWG and BIESTS' last show, the two bandmates announced their relationship with a fiery, and showstopping, kiss. Then, adding fuel to the already climbing flames, they snuck out of the scheduled press conference and drove off, literally, into the sunset.
What was explained away as a much needed vacation for the new couple quickly became something else on social media.
All around the country reports surfaced of Simon and Baz testing out new material at dive bar open mic nights.
“Perhaps in hindsight we should have been better at controlling the narrative,” Baz admits.
Simon leans forward. “But the goal was never to undermine the messaging Pitch Perfect Records put out. It was just,” he looks over to smile at his partner, “inspiration strikes, you know? Who were we to deny it?”
“It all sounds very romantic,” I admit, “but I can’t help wondering what your managers thought.”
“Oh god, they were furious,” Baz says, then jolts as if someone elbowed him in the side. “I mean, rightfully so.”
“I’m fairly certain I owe Nico one of my kidneys,” Simon adds.
“At least it’s not your lungs,” Baz mutters under his breath. He then shoots me a panicked look.
“I’ll delete that from the article,” I promise.
(Editor’s note: Shepard did not delete that from the article, and adds this: your managers weren’t the only ones you left in the dust, assholes. Consider this your punishment.)
“Tell me about your album,” I prompt.
Simon and Baz exchange a series of looks, displaying the type of silent communication deeply committed couples often have.
Baz ends up the one designated to answer. “It’s about falling in love, both with a person, obviously, but also with freedom. My entire life up until that moment I hopped on the back of Simon’s motorcycle felt planned into madness. It had to be, of course. I don’t fault my manager for doing it; I practically begged her for that level of scheduling. But I can’t help but think back to my flight overseas, when it never dawned on me to check and see when my bandmates were arriving. I was so used to being spoonfed information that I stopped thinking about others.”
“He’s being a bit unkind to himself,” Simon frowns. “Even at the height of his planned madness, I know Baz always took the time to make sure the people he cared about knew how much he loved them.”
At Baz’s glare, Simon juts out his chin. “I do talk with Dev and Niall, you know.”
“Anyway,” Baz continues after sticking his tongue out at Simon, “I really enjoyed having a blank calendar for once. A blank road.”
“A blank boyfriend,” Simon teases.
“Like anything about you could ever be blank, Mr Freckles.”
I clear my throat.
“So that’s the album,” Baz finishes. “Love, freedom. The American Dream, really.”
“It’s secretly a love letter to The Cheesecake Factory,” Simon pretends to confess.
Baz’s eyes light up. “Their menu is like a book! So many options. And that bread…” He stares off into the distance for a while, Simon joining him.
It’s clear they’re a perfect match.
“Now,” I lean in.
“Ooh,” Simon ooh’s, “Shep’s got his serious journalism face on now.”
I shoot him an unimpressed glare, which doesn’t rattle him. Perhaps the biggest indicator that love and freedom have irrevocably ruined him. “You two realize what you stirred up, announcing the return of TWG the way you both did.”
Simon bites his lip and turns toward Baz. “Do you want to tell him, or do you want me?”
“No, no,” Baz waves Simon on with an imperious wrist flick, “he’s your friend.” (I choose not to be offended by this.) “You tell him.”
“We have permission to tell you who sent the tweet that broke Pitchfork’s website,” Simon says.
My heart stops. “You mean…”
Simon nods, his face turned grave with secrets. “I finally know TWG’s Biggest Secret.”
I lean in. “Tell me.”
Simon looks to his right, then to his left. He nearly drapes over the whole table, he’s leaning so close to the other side where I’m sitting. “It was…” he swallows “…Dev and Niall.”
“What?!” I shout, sending the proprietor over to shush me. I drag her into the conversation, considering she’s dating both of them. “Pippa, you’re my witness that at last year’s Christmas party we played ‘Never Have I Ever’ and your boyfriends pointedly did not drink when I said, ‘Never Have I Ever sent a tweet announcing the end of The Watford Goats, breaking millions of hearts but more importantly mine.’”
“Yeah?” she says. “Except they lied.”
I goggle at her audacity.
“Just like I lied about never letting them finger cuff me,” she shrugs. “I didn’t want Dev to go on and on about how I nearly bit his dick off when Niall came. Men are such babies.”
Everyone but Pippa finds a spot on the floor to investigate.
“Typical,” she says, before walking away.
We wait until the floor gets less interesting. “So,” I start.
“So,” Baz and Simon tone together.
“What were we talking about?” I rewind back, way back, to before my mind was blown. (Like Dev… no. Stop. Don’t go there.) “Ah! I remember.” I smile at Simon and Baz. “What’s next for The Watford Goats?”
At that moment, the door to SoCat Cafe bursts open, releasing a very energetic goat who couldn’t be happier to see his two dads.
Baz bolts from where he’s seated, leaving behind Simon who winks at me while standing. “I guess you’ll have to wait and find out with everyone else.”
Then, he too, is gone.
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@LittleSebastian: my dads are back in town! <<image of Little Sebastian being loved on by Simon and Baz. And if you look closely in the reflection of the cafe windows behind him, you might just see the reflection of a certain journalist who’s taking this photo.>>
@buzzfeed: 2023 is the year of the diva. Meet its patron saint: Basilton Grimm-Pitch. bz.fd/baz-baby-youre-doing-amazing-we-love-you-never-stop
@buzzfeed: TWG’s latest music video has no right to go this hard bz.fd/TWG-parody-brokeback-mountain-in-cover-of-i-have-the-moon
@TWG4EVAH: I genuinely cried for three days after watching this RT @buzzfeed: TWG’s latest music video has no right to go this hard bz.fd/TWG-parody-brokeback-mountain-in-cover-of-i-have-the-moon
@SoCat_Cafe: @simonsnow1 & @bazsnow2 return to ATX just in time to judge our #SoCatMeowsic contest
@DevCat: 👀👀👀 excuse me what is this new username @bazsnow2 @simonsnow1
@bazsnow2: @DevCat I have no idea what you’re talking about
@Night_Mare: @bazsnow2 @simonsnow1 SUS
@fionaf_cks: FAMILY MEETING ASAP @Night_Mare @bazsnow2 @simonsnow1 @DevCat @NiallCat @MissNatasha @donotperceiveme @PenelopeBunce @shepwritesatx @SoCat_Cafe
@musclemike : feeling severe FOMO tonight
@leishablogs : secondary characters assemble! @musclemike @casiepants @tmzzzzz @fuzzneed
@bazsnow2: @leishablogs can my hubby & I join?
@leishablogs : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
@leishablogs: @bazsnow2 coolcoolcool sure I’m totally normal about this
@leishablogs : THEY. BROUGHT. LITTLE. SEBASTIAN. <<selfie with Little Seb, Simon, Baz, and the original character crew: two wlw couples and Mike, nearly blocking out the overhead lighting with his muscles>>
@bazsnow2 : it took *grumblemumble* number of years, but I suppose I can finally announce it…
@bazsnow2 : @simonsnow1 & I are finally friends
@simonsnow1 : @bazsnow2 really? On this, the day when I rimmed you into tears?
@bazsnow2 : @simonsnow1 THIS ACCOUNT IS ALL AGES SIMON
@bazsnow2 : @simonsnow1 and let’s be fair. Any day you rim me to tears is a Tuesday
@DevCat : @bazsnow2 @simonsnow1 *rimshot*
@NiallCat: @DevCat THATS NOT WHAT THATS CALLED
@NiallCat: @DevCat ITS A STING NOT A RIMSHOT
@bazsnow2 : @NiallCat @DevCat @simonsnow1 well I’m not saying it
@simonsnow1 : @NiallCat @DevCat @bazsnow2 well I will
@simonsnow1 : ah hem
@simonsnow1 : a good rimshot never stings
@DevCat : I am done
@NiallCat : I am done
@shepwritesatx : I am done
@SoCat_Cafe : I am done
@Night_Mare : Click Here To Find Hot Singles In Your Area
@bazsnow2: @simonsnow1 you’ll have to do sink lower than that to get rid of me, sweetheart
@simonsnow1: @bazsnow2 I could never be done with you ❤️
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