Work Text:
Dear Will,
Once again, maybe you've stumbled upon this looking for something another one of us wrote, maybe you haven't read the other two things I've written, maybe you have. One of these days you're going to know everything, it might be today, it may be tomorrow. I still don't know if I want you to read all of these or not. Maybe I just want someone to know; to get it off of my chest. Maybe I want you yourself to know, even when I don't even know myself.
I love you with all of my heart, you're my brother. We're both fucked up, and I'm sorry that I broke the one promise I've kept all of this time. The ONLY promise that I made and kept for these years on end was broken. Now I am too. I feel like a failure. That was the only thing that I feel kept you actually proud of me.
He made me do it. I didn't want to but he made me. He made me break our promise and then he broke its. I don't even feel human anymore, I feel like just a toy that it plays with and then tosses into a corner to be picked up again; to be given hope, only for it all to be tossed away once more along with myself.
I don't know if I can even do this anymore. There's no use trying to commit, seeing as I'll just respawn in headspace again. The only thing I can do is break another promise. I've been breaking it for years, and I feel just as horrible after every time. I felt okay this past year but all of that washes down the drain along with the empty words.
All I wanted to do was explain, even if you never do see this. Thank you, and I'm sorry.
Love,
Toms.