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Hand in hand, Matteo and David walked across the schoolyard with their friends. Fortunately, the lessons had not dragged on so cruelly today; sometimes there were days when they felt as if someone had stopped time.
Hanna took out her mobile phone. She sighed. "Guys, I have to go. My father is waiting for me at home." Matteo surreptitiously squinted over at Jonas, who was staring at the girl again (not for the first time, he watched Hanna more often). "Shall we accompany you?", asked Amira as she searched for her cable headphones. Hanna shook her head. "Lovely of you, but you don't have to. I'll see you tomorrow." Hanna hugged her friends warmly, but before she left, she looked over at Jonas one last time. Jonas bit his lower lip hesitantly.
Sam said goodbye too, then she was gone (Abdi followed her). Amira and Mia also said goodbye to the boys. David and Matteo waved with smiles. "Shall we go?", Kiki asked Carlos and held out her hand to the boy. Carlos grinned affectionately and reached for Kiki's hand. "Sure."
The group of friends had quickly dwindled; now there were only Matteo, David and Jonas.
Jonas was rocking his legs back and forth, drinking from his Capri Sun in between sips. He looked somehow thoughtful. David lifted his head from Matteo's shoulder and looked at the boy. "Are you okay?" Jonas said nothing at first. But then he nodded. "Yeah," he replied, "everything's fine." "You don't look it.", Matteo said and patted Jonas on the shoulder.
The brunette lowered his eyes and sighed heavily. He had stopped rocking his legs.
"Can I ask you something?" Jonas nodded and looked at Matteo waitingly. "Are you still thinking about her?" "Who?" Matteo smiled mildly. "You know who I mean." He tilted his head. "We noticed the way you looked at her." Jonas did not answer. He quickly lowered his gaze and prayed his hormones would hold back. They didn't. Jonas' cheeks glowed with embarrassment.
"What's it like between you right now?", asked David. Jonas squinted his eyes in frustration and shrugged his shoulders. "Weird." "Weird in the sense of you don't know what you are now or weird in the sense of you can't really talk to each other normally?" "Both, kind of," Jonas said. "I really have no idea. Honestly. It's just strange. Sometimes we can talk normally to each other, and sometimes we can't talk at all." He bit his tongue. Then he nodded slightly. "But yes, I still think about her."
Matteo and David looked at the boy sympathetically. Matteo hadn't seen Jonas like this for a while. The guy did try to distract himself with other girls, but none of them were like Hanna. Jonas' feelings for Hanna seemed to have become more present again; lately he had hidden it well.
"I kind of get the feeling that she's already over it.", Jonas replied, deep in thought.
"Jonas," Matteo murmured, "Hanna still thinks about you.", he said seriously.
Jonas raised his head and looked at the boy in wonder. "Really?" Matteo nodded in confirmation. "She was with me the other day, and she wasn't doing so well.", Matteo told him. "Really?" Again Matteo nodded. "Mhm." "Did you talk about it?" "No, we didn't. But I could tell she was still thinking about you." After a few seconds, Jonas dared to smile a tiny bit. And Matteo and David then smiled too. "You should talk to her.", David said. "Tell her you miss her."
Jonas bit his lower lip uncertainly. "But-"
Matteo shook his head stubbornly. "No buts. You told me to say what I wanted. And that's what I did. Now look at me." Matteo pointed his gaze at David's hand, which he held. And he never wanted to let go of his hand. Matteo wanted to be the only one who got to hold David's hand. "Now I'm saying it to you. Tell her what you want."
Jonas did not answer. He wanted to disagree, but he couldn't. Secretly, he knew Matteo was right. He really should stop worrying so much and just tell Hanna honestly that he missed her dearly. So he nodded slightly. "Okay."
David and Matteo smiled proudly. Jonas rose from the table tennis table. "You can do it.", said David, smiling encouragingly. Jonas smiled gratefully. "Thanks." He gave the boys another fist bump as a farewell, then started moving.
Matteo smiled as he watched Jonas walk in the direction Hanna had gone earlier. He could feel David gently stroking his hand with his thumb. He looked at the boy with a small smile. "Well done," David murmured proudly, then leaned forward to kiss Matteo.
After three kisses, Matteo pulled away slightly, but not quite since, so that the tips of their noses could still touch. He gently leaned his forehead against David's and closed his eyes. David also closed his eyes and sighed contentedly.
His smile widened when Matteo nudged his nose gently against his. David nudged back. "Love you." He couldn't see Matteo's face, but he knew the boy was smiling right now. "I know.", said Matteo softly, kissing David on the forehead. "I love you too.", Matteo murmured and then he reunited his lips with David's.
___
With a throbbing heart, Jonas stood on Hanna's doorstep. His hand was shaking and his legs were completely stiffened. He wanted to ring the bell two minutes ago, but somehow he panicked. He was really scared right now.
But if he didn't do it now, then when? Jonas didn't want to mess it up. If he didn't finally summon up a bit of courage, he might regret it later. Who knows, maybe it wasn't too late. Sometimes you had to jump over your own shadow. Sometimes you had to risk something.
Maybe Jonas was lucky. Perhaps you could win in love if you had enough courage to dare something.
He exhaled softly, raised his right hand and then finally rang the bell.
Impatiently, he bobbed his feet. His heartbeat accelerated as he could hear footsteps. But it was not Hanna who opened the door; it was her father. He smiled in amazement. "Oh, hello." "Hi," Jonas replied politely. "Are you Hanna's boyfriend?" The brunette cleared her throat. "Yes, um, no, I-I'm a friend." God, that sounded wrong. Of course, because you still want her. Mr. Jung nodded understandingly. "Okay, all right. Hanna is in her room." "Can I go to her?" Mr. Jung nodded with a smile and made room so that Jonas could enter. Jonas smiled gratefully. "Thank you." Hanna's father quickly put on shoes, then he was gone.
When the door slammed shut behind Jonas, he could feel his heart pounding. His legs trembled a little, but then he went down the stairs.
Curious and interested, Hanna read on the website some information about the profession as a midwife. She had already read some things about it and it somehow didn't let her go. She was really interested in it.
There was a knock on the door. "Come in," she said, did not turn her gaze away from the text. When her door opened, she finally turned her head. Confused, she frowned, but at the same time she had to smile when she saw Jonas' face. The brunette grinned slightly. "Hi, na?" "Hey," Hanna said with a grin. "You here?" "Am I disturbing?", Jonas wanted to know and closed the room door. His gaze fell on the website that Hanna still had opened. "No, all good," Hanna replied. Jonas nodded understandingly. He was able to read the headline Midwifery Training: Jobs, Requirements & Procedure. "Are you interested in the job?" The girl nodded and put some of her reddish hair behind her ear. "I don't know, somehow I think it's cool what they write there.", Hanna explained honestly. "I feel like it could be something I want to do. I.. - I'm thinking about applying for a job." Jonas smiled proudly. "That's great!", he replied. He sat down on the bed. "That's really great Hanna! Go for it." The redhead smiled shyly and lowered her gaze.
Jonas felt a pleasant feeling in his stomach. It had been a long time since Hanna and he really talked to each other again. They had agreed to be friends, but they had talked surprisingly little since they broke up. Sure, they were still nice to each other, but Jonas just realized how much he had missed contact with Hanna.
"Why are you here?", Hanna asked at some point as her cheeks gained heat. She had noticed that Jonas had started staring at her.
Jonas' heart stopped briefly. "Um-," awkward he scratched his neck. Uncertainly, he bit his tongue. "I .. - I wanted with you .. - talk." Hanna tilted her head. "About what?" She got up from the chair and sat down on the bed next to Jonas. She did not look impatient; she waited patiently until Jonas was ready to say something.
Jonas sighed and at some point raised his gaze. He looked Hanna in the eye and at that moment the girl realized how much she liked his eyes. She's always loved Jonas' eyes, but it had been too long since she could really look at him up close.
Jonas swallowed hard. "I miss you.", he said, it was almost a whisper. Anxious and shy, he reached for Hanna's hand. "I .. - I really tried to stop." "With what?" Jonas laughed softly and lowered his gaze briefly. He stared at Hanna's hand, then embraced her a little tighter. Slowly he lifted his gaze again. "To think of you.", he admitted. "I wanted to try it seriously. But- but I can't do it. Not at all. I always fail in this attempt because ..-" He did not finish the sentence. He just didn't know how to explain it. "I can understand if you see it differently.", he said. "But if you still have a tiny spark of feelings, then .. - I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "I just like you too much to be able to delete you from my thoughts. I just can't do that."
Jonas' cheeks glowed deep red. He lowered his gaze and unsteady bit the inside of his cheek.
There was complete silence. You could hear absolutely nothing; not even the slight noise of Hanna's laptop.
Then Hanna summoned up her courage. "Jonas?" The brunette looked at the girl shyly. "I don't think I can do it," Hanna began. Jonas' disappointment grew. "That's okay if you're not ready yet-" Hanna interrupted him by tentatively approaching him and putting her lips on Jonas'.
That second, Jonas' heartbeat stopped. The kiss was nice, but was quickly over.
"I don't think I'll be able to stay friends with you.", Hanna said quietly. She gently stroked Jonas' hand. "I thought I had to find out who I was before you and I could be together," Hanna said shyly. "But the thing is that I still don't really know who I am. But if there's anyone I want to find out with, it's you, Jonas." She stroked one of her strands of hair behind her ear. Uncertainly, she lowered her gaze.
After half a minute, Jonas dared to smile a little bit. Carefully he stroked Hanna's cheek with his hand. Hanna now dared to smile as well. "Can you please kiss me again?" Jonas couldn't hide his grin. The girl rolled her eyes with a smile, then kissed Jonas again. At first cautious and shy, but then with feeling and longing. She really missed being able to kiss him.
When they broke away again, Hanna leaned her forehead against Jonas'. Jonas had his eyes closed. He just wanted to enjoy that moment.
"Jonas .. I want you to love me." Jonas laughed softly and warmly. "I love you, Hanna.", he whispered, and a little goosebumps broke in Hanna's neck. So they kissed again.
And it would definitely become a habit again.
Perhaps, quite perhaps, you could really win in love. You just had to dare to risk something.