Chapter Text
When we stopped for the first night in the Dravinian Forelands, out of the bitter cold of Coerthas, but still too far from Tailfeather to push through, I started preparing myself for an extremely angry Alphinaud.
After supper, we shared tall tales that had Ysayle and Estinien alternating between spiteful nitpicking and cautious camaraderie. It wasn’t long before Estinien—damn him—decided it was high time for me to come clean, announcing, “There’s something Rizha needs to tell you.” Thus ensuring that I couldn’t chicken out. I glared at him, but he just eyed me levelly and added, “If you don’t want to tell him, I will. And I can guarantee that will go poorly.”
I sighed, Estinien was right. It was gonna be hella messy though. “Alphinaud...” breathe, “Do you remember after the trial and fight with the Heaven’s Ward assholes when you accused me and Tataru of hiding something from you?”
Alphinaud’s expression could have cut stone as he nodded once.
“Well, that is…” I blurted out the rest, as fast as I could get the words out, “You were partially right, and it wasn’t just memory loss. My name is Lynn, and I am Rizha, but I’m also not.”
I flinched when the idea to suckerpunch me flitted across his eyes. My attempt to explain came out a panicked babble, “I’m sorry, I knew you’d be angry and I should have told you sooner, but, Ishgard. I wanted you to be able to yell at me outside Coerthas where it wouldn’t matter if anyone heard you.”
“Of all the empty-headed!” Alphinaud spluttered as he whirled to face Estinien, “You knew!” he hissed. “How dare you? Where’s Rizha?!”
What. I blinked in mute shock. I hadn’t foreseen not being the target of Alphinaud’s temper. I’d planned for…every outcome except this one, actually. Lovely. As Alphinaud continued grilling Estinien, a low chuckle made its way to my ear, causing me to stiffen and look around, but I couldn’t see anything past our ring of firelight. A moment later I heard the soft susurration distinct to an Ascian’s portal, paired with an oily voice, “I believe I can answer some of those questions, young man.”
I flinched again and half rose before a deceptively strong hand caught my shoulder and pushed me back down.
“You,” Estinien snarled, Gae Bolg seeming to appear in his hands.
Alphinaud stopped shouting and, looking stunned, asked, “Where did you come from?”
“Oh, here and there,” Emet-Selch smirked. He gave a precise, formal bow, his glyph glowed red for a few breaths, fading as he stood up.
Alphinaud’s eyes went wide, “Ascian!”
“Very good, my dear boy, but you are missing another name I believe ought to be obvious if you’ve studied your history?” His fingers dug into my shoulder near painfully. I flexed to see if I could break, or at least readjust his grip, but, no. He’d got me caught tight. Wonderful.
Ysayle gave a quiet gasp and rested her head in her hand. I knew that position well; I’d bet good gil she’d gotten an Echo. “If you don’t finish introducing yourself, she’s gonna do it f-or yo-u,” I mocked Emet-Selch in singsong.
Emet-Selch sighed his irritation, “Your Mother sure knows how to ruin suspense. Fine. I am the Ascian Emet-Selch, but you lot likely know me better as Solus zos Galvus.” He paused a beat, then, “What? No reaction that you’re speaking to the founding Garlean Emperor?” He pulled me slightly so I was forced to look at him, “Your friends have no sense of humor.”
“Oooooooor,” I drew the word out, “you’re just a run-of-the-mill asshole,” I countered.
“Will someone PLEASE tell me what, in the name of the Twelve, is going on here!?” Alphinaud sounded utterly distressed.
“Yes, I believe I can,” Ysayle responded. “I’m not entirely sure I understood all I saw, but Lynn appears to be a version of Rizha from...another reality. One without usable aether, the Echo, eikons, or even knowledge of the Mother Crystal.” She turned to face me more than Alphinaud, “What I don’t understand is how you knew things like my name before I told you.”
I jerked my thumb at the Ascian, “Because jackass here seeded stories to dreamers. I thought they were amusing legends right up until I woke up in motherfucking Aymeric de Borel’s office.”
I took a steadying breath before continuing, “Then I thought I’d caught the plague besieging my world and was hallucinating. Because Aymeric de fucking Borel. By definition, so I thought, a fictional character from a story. Not to mention one who had anyone with even a passing interest in men damn near drooling. Estinien and Haurchefant being present did not help the surrealness.” I shook my head, “On top of that, only hyur exist where I’m from. Waking up as a thrice-damned catgirl was an additional trip and a half, let me tell you.”
Estinien chuckled, “I can corroborate that much, at least. I’ve never seen someone look so shocked by the presence of a tail before.” He got a sudden thoughtful look, “Anyone with a passing interest in men?”
“Yes. Men, women, in-between, neither. If they found men remotely attractive, they found him attractive.” I decided to head off the obvious next question, “Yes, myself included.”
A startled chuckle escaped Emet-Selch, “I’m amazed you admitted that.”
I snorted my self-derision, “My dumb ass already gave that away the first day I was here. Smooth and collected, I am not.”
Emet-Selch’s hand was still on my shoulder and I made an effort to pry it off, “Leggo, dammit.” He did, and I almost toppled from the sudden lack of resistance. I glared at him for a breath or three then added, “All of which begs the question of ‘why are you here’?”
“Me? Why, Hero,” I bristled at his dismissive tone, “I have a vested interest in ensuring the fragments of your soul stay alive.” He smirked again, “Repairing a Sundered soul is a...delicate...undertaking. Of course, if you’d rather be in an ICU? Personally, I don’t want all of my hard work to go to waste. So I’ll be helping the lot of you as it suits my fancy. And watching the rest of the time. Do try to refrain from being boring, won’t you?” His lazy wave and Emet-Selch was gone.
I harrumphed as I turned back to Alphinaud, “Let’s try this again.” With a neat bow I said, “I am Lynn. Best I can tell, I am also Rizha. We appear to have been two pieces of a whole that asshole,” I jerked my thumb in a gesture implying the Ascian, “seems to have put back together. For reasons I’m not sure even he knows, my personality and memories became the dominant presence. It is a pleasure to meet you, and I am sorry I am not your Rizha.”
Alphinaud turned to Estinien, face twisted in hurt, “How. Long. How long have you known. How long have you been lying to me.”
Estinien hummed a thoughtful note, “That she wasn’t Rizha? Since she woke up in the Lord Commander’s office, after I found her half-frozen. That she actually was Rizha, after a fashion? A few days.” Estinien shifted so he was sitting next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. I started at the sudden display of affection, then relaxed into it.
“Why. Why didn’t you tell me?” Alphinaud’s voice was rough with unshed tears.
I glanced away, then back to meet the boy’s eyes, “Because I am a coward. Because I knew you would rightly be angry, and the walls of Ishgard have ears. Because I wanted you to be able to yell at me, or fight me, without causing an uproar or scandal.” I shrugged helplessly. “I am sorry I couldn’t come up with a better time to tell you.”
The body language between myself and Estinien finally seemed to register on the boy. “Oh Twelve, you said you intended to bed her! That’s not even her body, what the hells is wrong with you?!”
I felt the low rumble of a chuckle through Estinien’s chest. “I did, and, I did.” Alphinaud was working himself into an incandescent rage as Estinien calmly continued, “Rizha was my lover too, Alphinaud. I have no reason to believe she would be displeased by the present arrangement.”
My eyebrow quirked upwards at that, “Hunh, I’d suspected, but couldn’t figure out how to ask. Alphinaud, dear, if you don’t close your mouth you’re going to swallow a bug.” His mouth snapped shut.
I heard another chuckle at the edge of my awareness, “Goddammit Emet, if you’re going to eavesdrop, show yourself and participate. It’s fractally less annoying.”
A disembodied voice drifted to us, “No, thank you, this is far more entertaining.”
I rolled my eyes, “Pick one. Visible with participation or nosebleed seats and you play a game of “shut the fuck up.””
I paused a moment waiting to see if Emet-Selch would need the last word, before asking, “Wait, I’ve already been here for the better part of several months. Estinien, when would you and Rizha have had time to become lovers?”
“Jealous?” He quipped.
I flushed and stammered, “Not...not precisely. Alphinaud has me feeling guilty about using her body in a way I might not have had a right to. He’s not wrong that the ethics are...questionable, at best.” I squirmed, a sinking feeling in my gut that I’d really trampled some boundaries...assuming, of course, that Rizha could, or would, return.
Estinien pulled me closer, and said softly, “Since she began her tenure as the Azure Dragoon.” My eyes widened.
Alphinaud’s jaw dropped open yet again, “That’s what you meant that day at Dragonhead. That ‘Of course it would be you.’”
I felt Estinien’s nod of agreement. He continued, “Yes. I had suspected of course, when both the Lord Commander and Lord Haurchefant started eagerly discussing the Warrior of Light doing impossible feats, but I hadn’t been sure until I saw her.”
I shifted my attention back to Alphinaud, my jitters somewhat soothed, “What else would you like to know? Ysayle, you too. I’ll answer anything you ask as best I can within the knowledge I have.”
So the remainder of the evening passed relatively pleasantly. Alphinaud pissed, Ysayle bemused.
I told tales of electricity and technology, and being one soul among seven billion. They...really had no way to grasp a number that large. I finally asked Estinien for the approximate population of Ishgard, and on hearing it was around 100k told them, “The province I grew up in had a population of 200 Ishgards. The single city I grew up in was twenty Ishgards.”
Alphinaud’s eyes went round in amazement, “How did you feed and house everyone?”
“Honestly? Poorly. The gap between the haves and have-nots was huge. Pisser was, as a society, we had the coin and ability to do so, but chose not too.”
I shook my head, “There were those of us trying to change that, but imagine trying to do so in Ul’dah, with their stubborn belief that if you work hard enough you’ll eventually earn enough money to land a seat on the Syndicate. Even though Raubhan is what? One of very few if not the only one to have ever actually done so? Then scale that exact attitude up for 300 million people. There was a lot of inertia against change.”
Many more stories in, I yawned and stretched, “You are welcome to continue yelling at me in the morning, but I am about to fall asleep. Who wants first watch?”
Alphinaud claimed to not be sleepy, so he took first, Estinien and Ysayle claimed to not mind split sleep, so they divvied up the overnight, leaving me with last watch and a painfully early morning.
***
As I was drifting off, Estinien said, “Give her a chance.”
Another low masculine voice, “No. We need Rizha back. The real Rizha.”
A sigh, then, “Have you stopped to wonder why the Lord Commander, Lord Haurchefant, and myself have allowed, indeed, helped Lynn be Rizha?”
“Does it matter?”
“I believe so. The three of us didn’t tell her who she was, at first. We waited to see what kind of person ‘Lynn’ was. Can you guess what her intent was?”
“No,” it was sullen, but I thought I caught a tinge of curiosity.
“The first thing she asked us, once she’d stopped swearing,” I winced, glad my back was to them, “was ‘When was Cartenau?’
When we asked her why, she said she needed to get to the Scions.
The Lord Commander asked her why the Scions, specifically. Her response? ‘Because I have knowledge that might save lives, and I cannot sit by and do nothing.’
She may not be Rizha in her mannerisms, but there is no doubt in my mind that she remains our Rizha.
We are not asking you to trust her immediately, only that you give her a chance.”
Huh. That...was a substantially stronger vote of confidence than I deserved.
I felt someone larger than me lay against my back. I rolled halfway over to confirm it was Estinien, then murmured, “Thank you.”
He softly pressed his lips to the crown of my head, “Kitten, ever will I be on your side.” I fell asleep, wrapped in safety, a small smile on my lips.