Chapter Text
Eoin was pretty confident of this. He knew it this time. It wasn’t like the previous times where he would’ve second guessed himself and finally decided against it. This time, he didn’t have a slither of doubt. He was sure that this was his time.
It wasn’t a particularly hard decision to come by. In fact, the moment he woke up in his hotel room in Amsterdam that day, he had only felt immense relief. And peace. Peace of a storm of years finally clearing. A storm that’s been brewing since 2006.
Everyone he had contacted so far had said that it was ‘too sudden’. Eoin just laughed and continued on with the conversation. Because for him, it honestly wasn’t. For him, it almost felt overdue. He wandered why he hadn’t done this earlier, when the times had got tough recently.
For him, it felt like months of unsolved puzzles finally sliding into place. A lot of question marks and dotted lines being erased and finally, ‘inner peace’ as Ben had phrased it. All his life, he had pushed and pushed to be the best, the very best, that he can be. Now, he felt like he didn’t have to push anymore. There was nothing left to push anymore.
The only part Eoin still hated slightly about the decision he made was having to tell everyone close to him and having to watch painstakingly as their expressions changed.
Telling Jos was the most mixed-feeling fuelled conversation of Eoin’s life. Because, yes, Eoin was about to tell Jos that he was retiring, but he was also offering the new captaincy to him.
Jos clearly hadn’t expected to meet Eoin after his brief meeting with the analysers because his eyes widened when he turned the corner and came face to face with a pacing Eoin.
“Hey, Morgs…what…what’re you doing?” Jos asked with an amused smile.
“Oh, Jos, hey,” Eoin whirled around to face him, his coat circling around his legs, “I…I have something to tell you.”
“What? What’s wrong? Who’s in danger? Is someone sick? It’s not Joe, is it? Is it Joe?” Jos let out a train of concerned questions as he grabbed his captain’s arm.
Eoin simply rolled his eyes, “No, Jos, everyone’s fine and I’m sure that Joey’s fine too.”
“Oh, okay, then,” Jos visibly relaxed and let go of his hand, urging Eoin to say whatever his initial thing was. “What is it then that you want to tell me?”
“Jos, the thing is, I started thinking about something while in Amsterdam and,” Eoin heisted, trying to phrase it as smoothly as possible, “I’m going to retire…from international cricket.”
“What?” any sign of the constant warmth Jos had in his eyes drained away as he stared at his best friend. “What…what do you mean?”
“I mean that I won’t be playing again,” Eoin repeated it differently, hoping that he would be able to get through this.
“Like…never? Not even once more?” Jos’ stormy blue eyes clouded with confusion and what Eoin could only say were tears.
“Jos, I know that this might be a bit hard to take but I just can’t keep going anymore,” Eoin muttered, “I can’t.”
“But you don’t know that?” Jos tried to protest but the petulance in his voice said that even he knew that his argument was invalid.
“Jos, I do know, okay?” Eoin grabbed his wicketkeeper’s hand and ran his finger soothingly along the skin. “I don’t know how, but I just do. What Ali said about this was true, you wake up and know it. You don’t have to think or guess or ask anyone else.”
Jos didn’t argue, a part of him knew that it was true.
“Okay,” hu muttered quietly, “it’s just, we’ll miss you.”
“I know Jos,” Eoin said, a tear trying desperately to escape, “I’m going to miss you too.”
Jos looked down and he looked to be thinking about something Eoin couldn’t decipher. He had seen Jos go through tough times; bad form, criticism, break-ups. He knew that Jos was good at handling tough stuff but he seemed to be struggling here.
“But,” Eoin started, hoping to lighten the mood, “I do have a small request for you.”
Jos looked up but his expression didn’t change much.
“I want you to be the next captain,” Eoin said this and watched as Jos’ eyes lit but momentarily like a lampshade. But doubt quickly covered it like a gloomy rain crowd.
“Are you…are you sure?” Jos asked. “I mean, I think Mo could do it better than me and maybe someone who’s captained their county team or-”
“Jos,” Eoin cut off the wicketkeeper’s concerned ramble. “I’m sure about this. I talked with Rob and Matthew and they agreed as well.”
Jos looked to the side, hope and uncertainty battling in his mind.
“Of course, the captaincy is yours only if you want it,” Eoin rushed to clarify this. He knew that there were reasons why someone would pass up the captaincy.
“No no, I do want it. It’s just,” Jos hesitated, “I’m not sure if I’m good enough for the job.”
“Jos, you don’t have to worry,” Eoin huffed out a laugh, “you’re going to be amazing. I’m still going to be your friend. So, you can always come to me for any help.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know that,” Jos said.
Finally, what seemed like the faintest genuine smile began to bloom on his face.
“Well,” Jos swallowed, trying to sum up years of memories in a few words, “thank you. Not for just the amazing captaincy and support. But for all the other little moments too.”
Eoin smiled back and pulled the taller man into a tight hug.
The only conversation Eoin wished to change now is the one he had with Colly. The thing was, Colly had been away and Eoin didn’t have the time to drive the long journey. So, he had to do it over a phone call and some part of him still hated that.
Colly had been, as Mark phrased it, ‘the Ali to Eoin’s Joey’. Eoin still questioned him about it but he understood to some extent. For some reason, ever since the start of his time with England, Eoin had felt comfortable with Colly’s captaincy and he knew that he learnt most of the ‘support your players’ things from him.
Eoin’s first taste of a world cup win, all the way back in 2010, had also been alongside Colly and he kind of feels happy about it because it made it a bit more special.
But none of that still changed the fact that it was a meticulous conversation in the end.
Eoin pressed in the all-familiar number and waited as the rings went through. The fourth ring was interrupted by Colly’s voice.
“Hey, Morgs. What’s up?” Colly asked.
“Hi Colly, um, there’s…there’s something I want to tell you,” Eoin grabbed the hem of his shirt to keep his hands from trembling.
“Sure thing.” Colly didn’t seem a bit phased. “What is it?”
“Colly, I’m uh, I’m…retiring,” Eoin whispered into the phone, “effective immediately.”
A silence stretched out on the other end. Eoin suddenly became aware of the small sounds around him; the ticking of the clock, light rain against the window, Ben making dinner downstairs and Mark on a phone call to their physio.
Colly took a few more moments and said, “Wow. Well, I…I mean, I knew that the going hasn’t been easy for you in the past few months but I never…never expected it to be now.”
“Yeah,” Eoin said, a sad smile on his face, “I didn’t either but you know how it goes. Our time comes eventually.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Colly said, a bit resigned. “I probably had a hunch about this for a few days now. Especially after the third ODI in Amsterdam.”
Eoin heard him sigh like he was trying to put his thoughts into words but struggling; something Eoin could very much relate to.
“I just ignored those signs because I didn’t want to believe that it was true,” Colly sounded frustrated. “Guess that was a bit naïve of me.” The last part just sounded defeated and Eoin knew that he had to say something.
“Colly, it doesn’t matter, okay?” Eoin said, subconsciously switching to his ‘captain voice’. “My time came and that’s that. I have no regrets whatsoever and now, I’m actually kind of at peace.”
Colly chuckled. This made Eoin frown, so he asked, “Why? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Eoin could hear Colly’s smile through his voice, “it’s just…that’s exactly the type of thing a great captain would say.”
“Well,” Eoin leans back in his seat with a smile, “I watched and learned from the best.”
Colly laughed, “You know, when you first walked into the dressing room with your kitbag and quiet personality, not even as tall as five oranges, I never would’ve guessed that you would be a legend of the game one day.”
Eoin huffed out a laugh, “Well, you helped me. A great deal. If you hadn’t been there for me, I would still just be a guy with a quiet personality, not even as tall as five oranges and nothing more.”
“No, no,” Colly argued, “that’s all you. I might not have guessed that you would be a legend but I did guess that you were special. Very special. Cause you had this…um…how do I say it? A flair of sorts.”
“A flair?” Eoin repeated.
“Yeah,” Colly confirmed, “a flair. Kind of like a ‘I’m not going to back down’ type of vibe.”
“Well, was your guess correct?” Eoin asked, his mind wandering back a decade when he shared a dressing room with the man on the other end.
“Oh, it was more than correct.” Colly said. “I mean, after that final press conference you had in Adelaide in 2015, I saw you just sit there, staring at the table as the reporters started to leave. You had this look in your eyes, like a fire, if you will. I knew that moment that whatever you were about to do, it would change everything.”
Colly paused and Eoin knew that there were a lot more things to say. The little things that actually happened in the time that followed.
“And oh God, I was as correct as I would ever be,” Colly let a laugh escape.
“Thank you Colly,” Eoin said after a moment of contemplation. “I know that I didn’t play the longest period with you but having you there, as a player and then as a coach was everything. It meant a lot.”
“Glad I could help Morgs,” Colly said. He stayed silent. They had both said what they wanted to say. Everything that needed to be addressed from the years gone past had been talked about. The only thing remaining was to talk about the years that were yet to come.
“Hey, what do you say a night out in London on Monday?” Eoin asked, getting up from his seat and moving to the window.
“Sure thing skip,” Colly said, adding emphasis on the word ‘skip’ to let Eoin know that the nickname wasn’t going anywhere soon.
They made plans and Colly agreed to look up a good place and they both hung up. Eoin stared at the phone screen, the word ‘Colly’ staring back at him. He knew that there would still be some things the two of them would talk about and time would bring those conversations to passing.
But when he first took the phone call, he had had a fire burning in the back of his mind. But now, that fire seemed to have settled.
Eoin talked to many more people that day and during the days that followed. Everyone he talked to offered to go to some drinks and talk it all through. He kindly turned down the offers because he had somethings left to do, including a press conference.
Afterall, now he would have more than enough time to do things like that. And something about that made him happy, having that time to do whatever he wanted.
It was a change. One he welcomed wholeheartedly.
The day after he made the official announcement and after allowing the press storm to calm down overnight, Eoin made plans and flew back to Ireland. He arrived at his parents’ house before noon and after some resting and talking with his mum and dad, he drove to Rush to his childhood home.
Seeing the house he had grown up in and the small strap of concrete right next to the house, on which he had first learned cricket brought back all the memories for him.
He remembered playing cricket for the first time. When his dad had placed a bat in his hand and told a very small Eoin to watch and follow.
The first time he scored a boundary. It had felt like being on the top of the world. Looking back now, he realised that the happiness he felt in that moment is probably what thrust him to playing cricket all his life.
Eoin aimlessly wandered over to the top of the concrete strap, the one had used as a ‘pitch’ growing up. He stood there and looked on, the same way he had done when one of his siblings had come into bowl at him.
This spot, this place, the environment, the low whisper of the wind. It made him feel at home. If Eoin was talking as a cricketer, then this thin strap of concrete was no match for Lord’s or Headingley or The Oval. But if he was just being Eoin, then this small place meant more to him than any other ground the world had to offer.
In more than one way, he felt this as his home.
Later, Eoin went to the Rush Cricket Club. He had called Matt, the manager and director of the club, and informed him that he was going to be there. Matt had been blunt with Eoin over the phone but the way his mostly stoic voice seemed to waver towards the end told Eoin that Matt had heard the news and wasn’t exactly elated about it.
When Eoin arrived, Matt was standing outside the small wooden building, his ever familiar hat on his head.
“Mr. Morgan,” Matt extended a hand with a smile, “a pleasure to see you again.”
“Matt, you’ve seen me trip over my own feet as a kid because even the smallest bat was too big for me,” Eoin reasoned with a chuckle. “I think we’re long past the formalities now.”
Matt just smiled and shook his head, “Never change Eoin, never change.”
Matt led him inside the building and Eoin gave a small wave to the group of kids who had ditched their practices and rushed to stare at him in awe. He made a mental note to talk with them and have an hour or two of fun practises.
“So,” Matt said with a smile as he sat down on the red couch, “back to where it all started after it all ended?”
“Got a ton of interview offers,” Eoin revealed as he sat opposite his former (and first ever) coach, “but this trip felt more important.”
“Well, I’m glad you came,” Matt said and offered him an iced coffee. “What made you take the decision?”
“Well, you know, I haven’t been in form for quite some time and one morning, I just knew,” Eoin said with a shrug, cradling the comfortably cold glass in his hands. “Kind of seems unreal that I’m talking about my retirement when all I can think of right now is my ten-year-old self dreaming on and on to play international cricket.”
Matt chuckled, “Yeah, brings back memories, no doubt.” He paused for a second and fiddled with the edge of his hat. “You know, when I first saw you all those years ago, I knew that you had a talent. A great one.”
“You were always so different from the others,” he continued after taking a sip form his drink. “No matter how many times you got bowled or run out, you never looked annoyed. It’s almost like every unsuccessful attempt fuelled you to be better.”
Eoin nodded his head. He knew that more than what he knew about himself, what mattered most was how the people closest to him saw him as a person.
“What I’m trying to say here is,” Matt spoke with a chuckle aimed at himself, “that I’m glad you made the decisions you did.” Eoin looked over at him and saw a genuinely proud glow in his eyes. “You’re a world champion, record holder and world cup winner. There’s nothing more I could ever ask from you.”
“I never would’ve got there without this place,” he gestured towards the surrounding, “or without your help.” He looked over at Matt and gave a smile.
“I’m glad I’m one of the first people who witnessed the beginning of a journey like yours Eoin,” Matt said. “Think it’ll be one of the beautiful things I look back on when I’m old and grey and looking at my past.”
“Well, I’m glad I still came to you after the ending,” Eoin replied, his voice soft.
“Well, there is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.” Matt said. “And at the end of every story-”
“Another one begins,” Eoin finished the sentence off. “That’s what you always said to the players when they got out.”
“Hmm,” Matt nodded, “it’s applicable to more than cricket.”
“It sure is,” Eoin agreed. “And I have a made a summery of sorts for my ‘new story’,” Eoin said, setting down the empty glass on the table. “It involves a lot of trips back here to this place.”
Matt laughed, “Well, I’ll be here for as long as you need me.”
Eoin nodded and got up, “Think there are some little ones peaking in through the window. Might just go and say hi.”
“Oh yes, of course,” Matt got up as well, and Eoin saw every bit of the enthusiasm he had seen in the man when he had trained Eoin, as he led him out towards the nets. “They’ve all been bouncing with excitement after I told them that you were visiting.”
The moment he stepped out, a refreshing cold wind wafted over Eoin’s face. He looked at the line of nets where kids were batting, bowling, wicketkeeping and enjoying themselves.
He saw his younger self in them. The excitement, the joy, the curiosity of playing the sport he loved and wandering where his next boundary would come from and where the game would take him. None of that had changed in him over the years.
He looked around and was filled with memories of coming down here every evening after school with his siblings. Of getting selected to the club team and climbing his way up the ladder and making the national team. Of getting run out on ninety-nine on his debut. Of moving to England. Of meeting his new teammates, who eventually became his family.
If Eoin had the chance to time travel and tell his five-year-old self something, anything, he would simply say, “Buckle up.” Because that kid was in for a ride.
As he wandered over to the nets and saw all the children drop whatever they were doing and rush towards him, he knew that his journey that had started in this place, was perfect. And Eoin couldn’t be more satisfied.