Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s been a while since he was sober at a party. 

After all the insane partying he did trying to deal with his grandfather’s passing and the resulting break-up with Devi, it took some time for Paxton to realize that he was probably on the wrong path. (just like people had pointed out all along - but give him a break, okay?) He still held on to so much anger and regret. Anger because Ojichan died unexpectedly. Regret because he drove Devi away for that exact reason. Yet, she stayed true to her words when she broke up with him. She was still there for him and also helped with school stuff. Thinking on it, Paxton could probably call her his closest friend now. It just sucked being close friends when one out of two still wanted more and that person was you. 

Devi was also the one who finally convinced him to get counseling. While she recommended a therapist she “knew” (she thought he wasn’t aware it was her own), he didn’t think he was ready for it yet. So in the meantime, they checked out a grief group for kids whose family members had passed away. Okay, yes, she dragged him there and had to sit next to him. He would’ve loved to hold her hand during the whole thing, uncomfortable as he was, but knew he couldn’t ask that of her for obvious reasons. But he wasn’t above making her promise to save him by talking about herself in case he was pushed to say something when he didn’t feel like it. Yep, he was a baby. Sue him. 

So while Devi enjoyed the set up and genuinely thought it was a good session, he pretty quickly realized that sharing in a group wasn’t for him. It was like giving a presentation at school, only worse. Because you had to speak about your own trauma instead of a topic your teacher most likely picked. The thought alone made his skin crawl. Thanks, but no thanks. Also, he just felt terrible hearing about other people's horrible experiences. As if his own load wasn’t enough. Once he realized that his own stress was enough weight on his shoulders, he finally understood what Devi really meant when she broke up with him. Why she chose herself. Yet still, he wished things were different. He missed her, even when she was still around. 

When he saw Devi’s semi disappointed face after he informed her that this hellish club of gut spilling wasn’t for him, he sighed in resignation and agreed to see a therapist instead. Mainly because Devi insisted “he really needed a professional”, making him cringe because, like, was he really such a mess? It only dawned on him during his first session with Dr. Ryan - when she asked what brought him into her practice - that it was Devi using reversed psychology on him. She must’ve known he would hate a group setting - being the introvert she claimed he was - only to make him see that a therapist was a good idea after all. It was so typical of her. Manipulating for a good cause. He could feel annoyed about it, but the appreciation for her caring so much about him even when they were broken up outweighed it. 

So over the past couple of days, he channeled all those pent-up feelings he had into swimming. He was a senior now and he really had to get his shit together if he wanted that college scholarship. His grades took a huge dip during the Great Ojichan Depression (Trent’s words, not his) and he was grateful for Devi who has kept him above waters by doing all of his school work for weeks just so he would still pass. There was no other way of thanking her by at least trying. Trying for his swimming scholarship, trying to focus in class. Maybe focus was a bit of an exaggeration. But he was showing up again, so that counted for something, right?

It was the swim team’s first party of the season, thrown by one of his team mates. By some miracle, Paxton was still the captain. If he weren’t that popular, he was pretty sure he’d’ve lost his position. He had been hibernating for some time now, but Paxton knew he couldn’t miss this one. Plus -  while he didn’t think he could ever be - he was sick of hanging out in his garage. There were just too many memories tormenting him. He couldn’t even look at the mini fridge without seeing Devi and him making out on it. 

So here he was, at a “Come as a 90s character“-themed party. Because apparently, just a regular one wasn’t enough. 

Paxton was dressed in baggy jeans and an oversized flannel with a tight leather necklace tied around his neck. His hair was styled differently, more down and curling over his eyebrows. He fought the itch to push it back up ever since his sister combed it that way. 

It wasn’t an extravagant costume but he still felt weird being dressed as someone else. Maybe he shouldn’t have gone as Jordan Catalano, but Eleanor insisted it was the perfect choice for him. She was around a lot more ever since she allowed Trent to officially call her his girlfriend. He was such a goner when it came to her. It was equally jarring as it was endearing seeing his best friend try so hard for… anything, really. But there he stood, dressed as one half of a couples costume in a head to toe denim getup and a jean cowboy hat on his head. He honest to god looked ridiculous, but he wore his Justin Timberlake tribute with pride. Eleanor wore the same bizarre fabric choice as a dress with a blonde wig. He forgot who she was supposed to be. Supposedly, it was ‘iconic’. His sister had a field day helping to recreate it from the original. It was Devi’s idea to bring Eleanor and Rebecca together and once they’d met, they’d hit it off like they were meant to be. Devi and Paxton had sat in amused silence watching them both spring ideas at each other, voices getting more excited and higher-pitched by the minute. Which was quite the squeaks-fest, given Eleanor’s natural Minnie Mouse voice. He’d looked over to Devi then, giving her a congratulating nod for her brilliant match-making which she answered with a beaming, appreciative smile. Thanks , it said, I told you so. 

Devi wasn’t here yet. He scanned the room ever so often, waiting for her to show up. They weren’t together anymore, so he felt pathetic for wondering where she was. He felt weirdly on edge but maybe (okay, definitely) it was also the thought of her meeting someone else tonight. Like someone hitting on her. Or worse: Devi flirting with some rando. As in going for it. Paxton wasn’t quite sure how he’d take it if that were to happen. He had no claim on her anymore, everyone knew. Well, maybe not entirely. They still hung out publicly and it confused some people, leaving them to wonder if they were legit broken up. Honestly, he kind of liked the idea that there was still something on the outside that made people speculate if they were together or broken up. It made his feelings for her seem more valid. If other people could still see it, it was okay he was feeling it too, right? But yeah, some dude getting chummy with Devi tonight? Not gonna happen. 

Paxton shook his head at his ridiculous, possessive thoughts. Who was he even? He wanted Devi to be happy. He really, truly did. But deep down inside, he still hoped it could be with him. 

He was sipping his Red Bull casually while cheering on his team mate funneling beer. Thus far, Paxton wasn’t missing the drinking. So far, so good. He felt a beat of confidence run through him. What he did miss was the change of the buzz in the room, though, and it took him a few seconds to catch up why everyone was in whispers. The hair on his neck stood up and a warning chill went down his spine, telling him to brace himself. “Don’t let it be Devi,” he chanted in his head before turning around to follow the stares of the others. 

The grip on his energy drink tightened. Of course it was her. His body seemed to have developed this magnetic pull towards her. It told him about her before he even saw her with his own eyes.

The smile on his face died when he took her in. She was still at the door, talking to Eleanor who fanned herself excessively, obviously because of Devi’s choice of clothes. Or should he say: non-existing clothes. Where were her pants? Did she really show up in a skimpy, revealing red bathing suit and matching wind jacket? And was that a fucking lifeguard float in her hand? Was she supposed to be a lifeguard? Really? At a party for the swim team? He had to hand it to her: it was golden. But why on earth must she have chosen this costume? To torture him, no doubt. Holy fucking shit. She looked Fucking. Hot. 

Devi waved at him nervously when she noticed his beam of a stare. Again, he was slow to react and he literally had to shake his head to snap out of it. It was probably too late now to fix his face for her not to know what was going on in his head. He looked around… it seemed like a lot of people were thinking what he was thinking. What the… He wanted to kick several guys in the crotch for drooling over the sight of her. But he resisted and gave her a tight lipped nod in acknowledgment. Paxton realized he needed to compose himself and turned around. His friends were still gaping over his shoulder.

“Whoa dude, isn’t that your ex-girlfriend?” 

“Isn’t she like, a nerd?”

“Nerds are hot now. Damn…”

“Her legs look like they’re ten feet long, man.”

Crap. Now he had to look again to see what Mike was talking about and took a long, slow sip from his drink while he checked Devi out in more detail. The legs of her swimsuit were cut out super high. Paxton could basically see all of her hip bones. God damn. He knew what those hip bones felt like under his hands. His eyes trailed south to find a lot of bare skin and a pretty narrow v-shaped piece of red fabric covering what only he got to see ever before. And brown, smooth skin. So much skin, so much legs. Shit, this party demanded way more restraint than he originally thought. For the first time, he was glad for those baggy jeans. Otherwise, one look at his crotch would’ve been pretty embarrassing right now. So yeah, he could see what Mike meant. Her legs looked extra long because of the suit’s cut. Shit.

He tried to distract himself from staring at her and spun back around to his friends. His mind wandered to Lifeguard Devi so much though, that he completely missed cheering whenever someone downed their beer fast. Thankfully, he mainly just looked like he was too cool to hoot with the rest of them. After all, coolness came with the Paxton Hall-Yoshida brand. Today it kind of bordered on arrogance, but he didn’t care. He had more important things on his mind. 

Within the last five minutes, he had already thought of five different scenarios of how he could hook up with her in this very room. He could’ve approached her right at the door when she came in, kissing her unexpectedly. She would’ve responded surprised but been into it. In his fantasies, she was always, always into it. A different idea was of the two of them, making out on the couch. He wanted her so badly that no matter which scenario he thought of, it was always pretty intense from the very beginning. No slow anything. There was a kitchen counter in this open floor plan house that seemed perfectly fine to scoop her up on and kiss her fucking senseless. There was a stairwell that gave him ideas, and walls… walls to press her into. His palm crushed his empty Red Bull can. He was strung tight .

Paxton heard his heartbeat in his own ears and he closed his eyes for a second to calm his nerves. Worry crept up in him that he was super obvious about what he was thinking about. He probably looked all turned on while standing with a bunch of guys. Way to go , he sarcastically thought to himself. When did he become such a loser?

Not much time had passed when he decided it was safe to look for her again. Praying she wasn’t already talking to some guy. When he found her, she stood with her back towards him at the kitchen counter. Her jacket covered most of her butt but he could definitely see the bottom or her cheeks. Jeez. Lifeguard Devi was going to be the death of him.

Paxton wasn’t sure if his brain short-circuited or if his body had ideas of its own, but in that moment, he just went for it. He approached her from behind, stepping in close. He immediately realized how much he missed being physically this near to her. His right arm snuck all the way around her rib cage until his hand rested under her left boob, the tip of his thumb very close to catching a feel. 

“Excuse me.” He said extra nonchalantly and reached with his left arm around her to grab a new soda can from the kitchen island, holding onto her tightly while doing so. 

She stiffened and looked down at the arm encircling her. The motion made her hair part in the back of her head, revealing her neck. He whispered a casual “hi” onto said bare skin, his lips so close to her skin he could almost feel it on them. Devi shivered in response. Game on , he thought, extremely pleased with himself. 

When he looked up, Aneesa’s eyes had just recovered from bugging out. He couldn’t help but smirk. 

“Um, Paxton?” Devi turned around and he lost his hold on her. But not without lifting his thumb just in time to graze her under boob for effect. She sucked in a tiny, audible breath and looked up at him in disbelief as if to say: Did you really just do that? And he smiled his most flirtatious smile back, answering that Yes indeed, he had. 

He stepped back just enough to give Devi some personal space. 

“Hey Neese,” he acknowledged Aneesa casually while both girls still looked shocked about the stunt he’d just pulled. He decided to pretend not to notice. “So you guys made it.”

“Are you drunk?” Devi eyed him skeptically. “High?”

He raised an irritated eyebrow at her. “No?”

She didn’t seem completely convinced, searching his face for evidence. His demeanor faltered a tiny bit. He knew she had developed a serious aversion to him drinking and getting blitzed in the past couple of months and sure, she had good enough reason for it, but he couldn’t help feeling annoyed about her distrust even when he claimed he was sober. He had worked so hard to get into her good graces again and he actually felt like things were pretty good between them. Never again did he want to feel like he did the days following their break-up. 

“So what are you doing?” Devi questioned. 

He got it. They were friends and he was getting handsy. Paxton held up his new drink. 

“Getting something to drink,” he stated innocently but the gleam in his eyes gave him away. 

It worked, though. Devi shook her head, rolling her eyes and smiling. 

“Can you believe this guy?” She addressed Aneesa, who looked bemused by their antics. 

“I think I can,” Aneesa replied “This costume choice on you could turn straight peeps gay and gay ones straight.“ 

“Word,“ Paxton agreed and ogled her openly. His gaze lingered on her hip bones again. They were sticking out more ever since she’d lost some weight. He felt guilty about being the reason for her stress and therefore, her body shrinking in protest. That feeling shoved aside, he itched to touch her waist and rub his thumbs over them. The sexually indulging thoughts were incredibly powerful tonight, overruling his guilt pretty easily. After weeks of self-reflection with a very depressing undertone, this light and flirtatious vibe was just what he needed. 

“Err, thanks.” Devi blushed. 

“I mean, your legs, Devi.” Aneesa whistled. “They look super smooth. That must’ve been some long ass shaving sesh.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe. Actually, I think only you can truly understand how much precise effort that took.” Devi replied. Paxton wondered if she referred to their Indian roots but didn’t ask.

“For sure.” Aneesa agreed. 

Paxton’s eyes hung on her legs a tad too long before he noticed her arms covering her stomach awkwardly and her hands holding her opposite elbows. She looked uncomfortable to him. 

“What’s wrong?” He questioned out loudly.

“I feel kinda naked.” Devi admitted. “I didn’t think it completely through. I just thought it was super clever, you know? Swim team party…“ She gestured in circular motions as if to fill in the blanks. “…showing up as a lifeguard.” She shrugged. 

He nodded while listening but she wasn’t really paying attention. 

“Yeah, I think it’s awesome. You’re rocking Indian Pamela Anderson.” Aneesa encouraged her but Devi remained looking uneasy. 

“You could tie your jacket around your waist?” Aneesa advised and Devi pulled a meh-face. 

“Then I’d just feel naked on top. This swim suit is really low cut in the back.” 

Paxton’s head snapped up and his eyes moved to look at her back on autopilot. There was nothing to see, of course, as she was still wearing her windbreaker. But he couldn’t help but wonder how far down it was really cut and more importantly: how could he get to see it?

“Do you wanna wear my flannel? It would cover your butt.” He offered. 

She looked at him, gratitude overcoming her face. 

“That would be awesome. Are you sure?”

He began to shrug out of it already. 

“Yeah, I’m hot anyways.”

“Tell us something new.” She snarkily muttered under her breath, directed at Aneesa but way too loud for him not to hear. He stopped in his tracks and looked at her in surprise, a huge smirk overtaking his face. 

Devi looked embarrassed. “Sorry. Habit.” 

“No need to apologize.” He replied and licked his lips. She noticed, which was exactly his intention. 

“Oh my god, you two.” Aneesa shook her head, faking annoyance. “Go make out in the closet already.” 

“What?!” Devi shrieked. 

“That’s gonna happen if you continue this.” Aneesa stated, matter of factly and crossing her arms as if ready to tell them what’s what, boss style with a wide stance. It really helped that she wore a black suit, feigning to be some kind of agent from an old alien movie.  

“I mean, look at him,” Aneesa pointed her thumb at Paxton. “He’s down for it.”

He felt caught for a second but then shrugged, casually admitting that she was right. He was so down and Devi was allowed to know. 

Devi seemed actually surprised by his admission. She opened her mouth, but no response came out. She was at a loss for words. Now that rarely happened. 

“That’s-that’s not gonna happen. We’re not a couple anymore.” Devi announced once she found her words again. 

Aneesa and Paxton looked at each other, unimpressed. 

“As if that’s ever stopped anyone.” Aneesa snorted. 

Paxton grinned and nodded, fully in agreement with her. Honestly, out of all of Devi’s friends, she was his favorite and not just because she seemed to be on his side. Okay, maybe a little. But in general she was just easy to be around and talking to her was so much easier than talking to Fabiola, for instance. Things were always kind of awkward between them. When he and Devi got together, he really tried connecting with all of her friends but Fabiola hardly gave him anything to work with. Maybe they were too much alike. Introverts who needed extroverts around them to function in social settings. So it often was a lot of uncomfortable silence between them and visible relief when someone else came around to fill it.

“Well,“ Devi said eventually and snapped him out of his thoughts. “There will be no making out in closets happening tonight.“

“Ooo-kay.“ Aneesa dragged out, obviously not believing her. He liked her, especially for being so outspoken with her opinion of him and Devi. It felt good to have someone in his court. 

“Good thing there are other rooms.“ She winked and he laughed with her as Devi complained that her friend was supposed to be on her side. 

“He’s my friend, too.” She countered and he looked down at his feet, smiling. She really was. 

And when he finally held his flannel up for Devi to slip her arms through the sleeves, Aneesa knowingly smirked at his glazed-over eyes as he swallowed hard when he finally caught a glimpse of Devi’s bare back. She knew what was up. 

**

They hung out for a while and he was able to chill out a little for the first time tonight. His over shirt on Devi somehow desensitized him just as much as it made him think of her more, if that was even humanly possible. His thoughts were slightly less lust driven as it was more the idea of her looking like she was a little more his again tonight, wearing his clothes and shit. The possessiveness crept back in and was hard to shake off when every guy seemed to keep noticing her. 

Currently he was being dragged to the living room by Marcus who had slung his arm over Paxton’s shoulder. 

“Dude,“ he said excitedly, “We’re gonna play Truth or Dare and if someone doesn’t wanna do it or doesn’t answer, they have to take a piece of clothing off.“

“Oh shit,” he laughed. 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be lit. I’m hoping for tons of refusals from the girls.“

“Same,“ he grinned, feigning a little more interest than there actually was. The one person he wanted as unclothed as possible was currently outside, sitting on the armrest of a lounge chair. 

Paxton sat down on the couch as more people gathered to sit in a circle. Eddie and Marcus were hyping everyone up, which was a pretty easy task as the booze and weed was well in everyone’s system. Realization hit him that it used to be easer to be sober at these parties. He wondered how long he had to cut everything out to prove to his friends and family that he had things more under control again because a drink would maybe relax him some. Devi was on her third drink and he sure wouldn’t have minded one as well. 

As it turned out, a lot of the dares were about having to kiss someone random or even a particular person. Truths often had something to do with sexual experience. It was funny enough to listen to what people had to say but Paxton really didn’t feel like sharing himself. Especially not with Devi around, who had just walked into the room. 

“Zoe, who was your best kiss?” 

She acted like she was thinking for a second as she looked right at him. Don’t say my name , he willed. 

“I gotta say Paxton. Hands down.” She smiled flirtily, doing that fluttery eye thing she always did and people cheered. He felt his neck getting hot as he smiled through his discomfort. 

“Thanks, I guess?” He scratched his eyebrow as he looked up across the room to Devi. He could tell that she tried hard to keep her face neutral but she was definitely mildly annoyed. His past with Zoe was a sour topic for her. 

“Paxton: truth or dare?” 

He wasn’t really up for either. But if he had to choose, it would be-

“Dare.” 

He put effort into making it sound nonchalant, and mostly, it seemed to have convinced most people in the room. But one look at Devi was enough to know that she saw right through him. By staring into her eyes, he silently tried to communicate to her not to worry, that he wouldn’t hook up with anyone here and that please, could she promise the same? They’d never really talked about being with other people but up until this point, he had honestly hoped there was a mutual understanding to spare the other one’s feelings. Or, you know, his, at least. As far as he knew, she didn’t have anything going on with anyone else. 

“Hmmm.” Zoe dragged out the words as she pretended to think of an original idea, making a whole ordeal out of it. She was fun and cool to hang out with, but this need to always be in the spot light was the main thing that always kept him from fully going for her. She was too much - in a very different way than Devi could be. Devi kept him on his toes on another level - one, that he was willing to play. 

“Kiss someone whose name starts with the last letter of the alphabet.”

“Oooooh,” the room cheered, understanding perfectly she had just asked to be kissed. 

So she went there. Okay. There was no need to think about if he knew of any Zola’s or Zara’s or other Z-named girls.

He amplified his easy smile as he took off his shirt in one swift motion, leaving him sitting shirtless with tight abs that contracted because of the sudden chill. He felt multiple hungry eyes on him, making him hyper aware of his own body. He flexed involuntarily and his chest muscles twitched. 

People hooted loudly, mostly at Zoe’s burn. He earned some pretty dark and judgemental looks from her corner. He didn’t want to be mean or anything, but it was she after all who put him on the spot. 

One fleeting look to Devi assured him that this was a wise decision, because if looks could kill, Zoe would be dead by now. Murdered: by the lifeguard. The irony. 

Thankfully, this game went on for a bit before he was chosen again. 

“So Paxton,” Carley said icily, “why did you break up with Crazy Devi?”

Ah shit, he should’ve chosen Dare again. Why were people always so interested in gossip about him? 

His eyes wandered to Devi as he caught her looking around uncomfortably and agitated all at once. 

“Well, she’s not crazy and I’m not gonna answer that.” He wanted to sound more authoritative but it came out mostly flat. 

“No fun.” Carley smiled like a shark as people ooo-ed after his decline to tell. 

“Get naked, Maxi Pax!” Trent hollered, making people cheer while Paxton shook his head, not believing he was seriously stripping down to his underwear at this party. He wasn’t usually bashful about being half-clothed - he had grown up at the beach and running around in shorts was natural to him. But still. This felt weird. 

He made Trent eat a whole tablespoon full of hot sauce on a Dare and was secretly hoping not to get picked again anytime soon. Even more he prayed for the end of this game. 

“Devi!”

His head snapped up as his ex-girlfriend’s name was called out by some dude. 

“Truth or Dare?”

“Dare,” she shot back, as if to say: bring it on. 

“Jump into the pool with me and pretend to save me, using mouth to mouth and all.” 

Paxton had to force himself to not loudly fake-gag at this douche's request. The desperation… seriously, it reeked. 

The room was hyping them up and all he wanted to do was shout at everyone to shut the fuck up. 

Devi looked very uncomfortable to him. Her back was straight and her fingers began fidgeting. There was no way she would get into a pool, even without the whole dare and kissing part. That aspect really pissed him off. That guy’s nerve. 

“Sorry, no can do.” She gave him a fake smile, baring teeth like a lioness who was ready to go for his jugular. Paxton loved it.

There were some boos that died down quickly when she took off Paxton’s flannel. The air felt charged to him as people started to whistle. There she was, appearing more naked than when she’d arrived. The only two clothing pieces that remained on her were the swimsuit and her tiny jacket, wrapped around her waist. God, she looked so good tonight. It was almost too risky to look at her as his briefs left literally no room for mishaps. 

It wasn’t long before Devi was picked again - by none other than Shira. Devi, trying the Truth route this time, was very Devi-like and close to popping off when Shira asked “So why actually did Paxton break up with you?” with her sweetest, non-committed but nosy voice. 

“Why is everyone so convinced it was Paxton who broke up with me, hm?!” She went off.

People muttered and Paxton’s shoulders hunched at everyone’s reaction like it would be obvious why. 

“Well, it’s none of your damn business!” She snapped and angrily fumbled with the knotted sleeves around her waist, taking her jacket off and holding it up for everyone to see before throwing it on the floor. It landed with a louder thud than one would expect this light-weighted jacket to make. It was probably the force she put into the throw. He suppressed a grin at her antics. His hot head , he marveled like a total sap. 

He felt badly about everyone constantly suggesting that it must’ve been him ending the relationship as if he’d realized he was too cool for her or some shit. He hated that it made Devi feel like a lesser person. It probably would’ve been fair to clean up the air and tell people the truth, but on the other hand he liked that their business stayed private. It’s not that it was a huge secret, really, some of his and her people knew. But still, it was between them and he couldn’t help but appreciate that she would rather stand there half naked than answer that he simply was too much to deal with. 

Aneesa tried to calm her down but he had a feeling things were prone to go downhill from here on out.

Some nerdy looking girl he never noticed existing before asked him if he had ever been in love. It wasn’t a necessarily hard or mean question and she asked it kind of dreamily, the same way girls sometimes spoke to him when they had an obvious crush. She probably meant no harm but this question was a real pickle. The honest answer was yes, of course. There was no doubt in his mind that what he felt for Devi - what he had been feeling for so long now - was love. But he never got the chance to tell her when they were still together and he sure as hell wasn’t about to casually admit it here, taking all the meaning away. But he also had no clothing items left to remove in order to avoid answering. 

He knew that Devi was watching him like a hawk, waiting for his move in this stupid game. He already figured that this was a question with no good outcome for him. 

So Paxton did what he thought was best: 

“No.” He lied and shrugged, and it came across as if he tried to say: not yet, but maybe next time. 

By the way Devi walked out of the room right after his admission, he knew he had fucked up. 

For being sloshed, everyone was still alert enough to gather Devi’s sudden exit as drama. It made it even worse when he got up to run after her, his t-shirt and jeans in tight fists. People hollered various remarks a la “now we know why” after them, being way off but he didn’t waste time to correct them. 

“Devi, wait!” He called out as he tried to catch up with her while simultaneously trying to put his shirt back on. Walk and talk? Not his strong suit, he noticed as he momentarily lost his pace while being disoriented by the t-shirt’s fabric over his eyes. It made him lose enough time for her to reach the guest bathroom well before he made it to her. Now, the door was closed between them. 

Paxton reached for the door knob but hesitated. Maybe bursting in wasn’t smart.

“Devi?” He asked, knocking and standing close to the door in order to hear her answer over the loud music that blasted from the living room into the hallway. He waited for a beat and knocked again after no reply from her.

“Devi?” He repeated and started leaning against the door. 

When there was no sign from her whatsoever, he briefly doubted if he was standing at the right door. But no, he had definitely seen her going in. There was no mistake. The silence was on purpose and honestly a little too much for him. He was kinda done with this night, his energy was winding down. 

“Devi. Come on, let’s talk.” He sighed and looked down at his feet and up his bare legs while waiting for her. He just then realized he was still holding his jeans. Just when he leaned his full weight against the door to put his pants back on, the door flung open, making him stumble and hop in twisted pant legs as his jeans were not fully up yet. 

“Whoa. Shit.” He reached out to hold on to anything to keep him from falling straight onto his face. 

His left hand latched onto the door handle while his right one tried to get a grip on her shoulder but slipped off, clutching her waist instead. 

“Sorry.” He laughed embarrassed but swallowed his smile when he noticed her pissed off demeanor as her eyes wandered from his hand on her hips and back to his face.  

“Sorry.” He repeated, mumbling this time and letting go of her. He stood straighter and pulled his pants over his butt, looking down as he zipped up. He caught her looking at his junk and smirked inwardly. She might be pissed right now, but the fire in her, he hoped, was maybe burning for other reasons too. 

“Are you done getting dressed?” She snapped and she crossed her arms, pushing her boobs up and making them spill out more. Jeez, was she doing this on purpose?

“Uh, yeah.” He said, putting his hands in his pockets and focussing very, very hard on keeping his eyes on her face. 

“Then what do you want to talk about?” She barked out. He opened his mouth to respond but didn’t get the chance. She plowed on. 

“About how you put being in love with me out there back then when it was actually never true? Do you have any idea how often I thought about your words and if you meant them? How-“ She shuddered and there was a quiver in her voice as she went on, “how I thought that I maybe should’ve tried harder and…” She shook her head, clearly worked up.

“Devi…” He took a step towards her but she moved backwards. 

“Paxton. Don’t.” She warned him. 

“What?” 

He wasn’t quite sure what she didn’t want him to do.

“Don’t like, say it now or whatever. It’s not why I’m in here.”

“Okay?” He was confused. 

“I just thought…I don’t know. I don’t even know anymore. I don’t even know what I want you to say.” She was still frustrated but more deflated. “This game was messed up.” 

He watched her tight lipped as he tried to decipher if it was a good moment to say something. 

“And look at us!” She gestured with both hands at the room as if stating something obvious. 

He looked briefly around the tiny guest bathroom which was painted in a violent shade of dark red, trying to figure out what she meant. 

“It’s us, fighting again! In a bathroom at a party! Will this become our thing or what?” She vented. 

“We’re fighting?” He questioned hesitantly. 

“Um, yeah? What else would you call it?” She huffed. 

“Me listening until you’re done going off?” He offered. 

Her eyes turned into slits when he smiled his crooked half-grin at her. 

“We’re arguing, Paxton!” 

“If you say so.” He shrugged. “But wouldn’t I be saying things too then?”

“Are you getting smart with me?” She demanded to know. 

He couldn’t contain his smile anymore. This was getting ridiculous. She had obviously calmed down some but was still trying to keep up the pointless arguing. 

“Okay, let me get this straight” He started and she scoffed. 

“Hey!”

Her eyes grew large when she realized how dismissive she must’ve sounded.

“Sorry. I’m kinda worked up.”

“Really? It was hard to tell.” He quipped and she rolled her eyes, smiling a little smile which he mirrored.

“So?” She asked, calmer than before. “You were saying…?”

He decided to reroute his direction and going for the honest question. 

“Tell me: why did you get so upset?” 

“You know why.”

“I don’t. Is it because you think I never loved you or because I lied in front of everyone just now?”

There. He’d put it out in the open. He held his breath for her reaction as a lot of emotions showed on her face. 

Confusion. 

Realization. 

Doubt. 

Wonder. 

Shock. 

“Wait, what?” She asked, her eyebrows drawing close together. 

This was it, he thought. He’d have to tell her. Spell it out. Maybe it would feel good to get it off his chest. But in all honesty, he was kinda scared and this was not how he imagined it going down. Then again, it was Devi: always making his life unpredictable. He really shouldn’t have been surprised. 

He took a deep breath and stepped forward again. “I l-“ 

“Wait!” She interrupted him, making him stop by putting both of her hands flat on his chest. 

“I’ve waited a really long time already, Devi.” He said and his eyes searched hers. 

She looked so shocked by his admission and he wondered how she seriously had not suspected it. Had the brainy girl lost her touch?

He moved in again, her hands still on his chest but not showcasing any resistance. His hand found her hips and her eyes grew large as his face got dangerously close to hers. 

“I’m gonna say it now. Are you okay with that?” He asked with a steady voice that surprised him. Devi nodded, ready for it, but kinda reminding him of a deer in headlights.

“I love you.” Paxton said evenly. Very sure and so very proud of himself that his nerves didn’t get the better of him. Well, at least not right then. His heart was beating so rapidly, it may happen soon. 

The rush he felt right after saying it aloud was insane. It was the bravest thing he’d ever done and it felt incredible. Why in the world had he waited so long? 

He told himself to go slowly now, to let her process, but the communication lines between his brain and his body were fried. In complete contrast to his orders, his fingers reached up to tuck her hair behind her ears, his signature move for initiating a kiss. After all the kisses they’d shared, he figured Devi knew what was about to happen. But when her cheek didn’t cradle into his hand as it moved there, he feared for a second she was frozen. But she surprised him by closing the distance between them herself, crashing her lips to his for a deep, open-mouthed kiss. The last thing he thought before his brain shut down was how he had missed this so goddamn much. 

**

Things were getting intense in a short amount of time as they kissed like they had to make up for their strictly-in-the-friendzone time he never wanted to be in in the first place. It was like they were starved. The noises they made turned him on as well as they embarrassed him when he thought about the fact that other people were probably able to hear them. Thank god for the rap music that was blasting so aggressively and loudly he was sure the police would show up soon. 

While DMX shouted continuously in the background, he noticed kinda late that Devi tried to lift herself onto the cabinet around the bathroom sink but couldn’t get up. Maybe it was because he had her pressed in a tight lock between it and him. Yet still, he felt like he needed to be closer.  Touch her more, even as he was cupping her breast and groping her butt cheek simultaneously. Skills , he proudly thought. But back to the issue at hand, he reminded himself which was kind of a difficult task: thinking while your brain was clouded with lust. Only his primal instincts were working now. 

Paxton grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her up onto the cabinet. Her legs spread on autopilot as he stepped between them. His hands lingered where they were and he finally got to touch those exposed hip bones that had been driving him crazy all night. His thumbs rubbed over them in sensual circular motions that reminded him of getting Devi to pop when they were intimate before. In a different spot, of course, but still. The image was in his head and he gripped her tighter, pulling her pelvis towards his as she arched into the move, grinding.  God, they were going to do it in this bathroom if this would continue on, he thought. He wanted it so badly but also wanted to show her more… respect, maybe? He couldn’t think of a better description. Like she deserved better than banging in the bathroom. Then again, the charge between them was out of control and the way their bodies worked together at this moment? Let’s just say: if this were porn, he’d watch it. It was hard to find decent porn with Desi girls (he learned the proper name after failing to find “Indian” girls on his go-to source) anyways, so… 

Once, he had even thought of their porn star names: Desi Devi and Paxton Sixty-Nine. Put into his head when he had nearly choked when she’d accidentally revealed her password while logging into her Netflix account at his house. She had blushed furiously and stuttered through her explanation as his mind was stuck on two questions only: was it her wish to try this position and when could they do so? 

There was no 69-ing in this guest bathroom tonight, though. But other things, maybe… 

His thumbs traveled lower and towards her center, so smoothly and subtly that he knew she was surprised when he grazed her outline, rough fingertips stroking sensitive skin. 

Her breath hitched and she opened her eyes in suspicion just as he did to see her reaction. There it was. The moment she would decide if this would continue on or if he had gone too far. They stared into each other’s eyes deeply and what seemed to him for a very long time, whilst in reality, it was mere seconds. He was relieved when she closed hers again, her mind made up - thankfully in his favor. Devi’s hands wound deep into his hair as she kissed him and shuddered when his strokes became bolder. At first, his thumbs were disappearing under the bathing suit, caressing her outer lips before moving on to the inner ones. He felt her getting wet and he truly tried hard to not get carried away and come in his own pants. He wanted to make her feel good. That was the goal. 

Massaging her clit seemed difficult with the red fabric stretched over it. So he broke the kiss, looked down between them and drew his eyebrows together in thought. She looked down as well and their foreheads touched as they panted, horny and turned on out of their minds. He grabbed the fabric in question with his left hand and yanked it to the side so his right thumb finally had perfect access. Her panting increased and her eyes squeezed shut in concentration on the task of getting off. It always took her a while, which was fine. After sex started to be in their agenda, they’d found out that Devi usually needed clit stimulation to orgasm. So he always kept it in mind, as he did now as well. 

He twisted his hand to bring the tips of his pointer and middle finger towards her entrance while his thumb stayed on the bud above it, still putting rhythmic pressure on it. 

“Should I..?” Paxton rasped, his voice sex drunk and almost slurred. 

“Y-yeah.” She breathed out and kissed him deeply again. 

So he slid one finger in, just to test it out. By the feel of it, she was more than ready for two. He added the second one and curved them to find the right spot. She was so slick though, he wondered if his fingers could create enough friction. His dick would make a difference, for sure. Not for the first time, he wondered what it would feel like to just slide into her without any barrier. Just a pump or two. It would be hard to stop but shit, this felt amazing on his fingers and he wanted to feel it everywhere. 

They stopped kissing, their lips just hovering close together as their foreheads touched.  Breaths became louder and choppier. He used both hands now for better coordination and she spread her legs impossibly wider. Devi’s head fell back and he put a sloppy kiss on her neck before resting his forehead on her shoulder, looking down at his work in progress. Massaging. Pumping. Relentlessly on repeat. He was so hard himself, his dick was about to lurk out at the elastics of his boxers because it had no room anymore. He caught a brief glance of them in the mirror behind her. Fuck, this was so hot.

“S-same.” Devi moaned and gripped his hair on the back of his head tightly. It hurt, but in the best way possible. So apparently he was saying things out loudly again that he wasn’t aware were coming out of his mouth. Which was cool. He wasn’t much of a talker during hook ups besides checking in so at least he wasn’t completely mute. 

Devi’s heels started digging into his butt, a sign he knew how to read: she was getting closer. His hand started to cramp up and he toyed with the idea to kneel down and use his mouth for awhile. Or his dick. That would be his first choice but he didn’t want to make it about him. Also, he stupidly didn’t have a condom on him. He understood now why guys seriously carried one around in their wallets. There were some in his car, he remembered. But leaving her like this, on the verge and unfinished to get one? He couldn’t. She would be so pissed. 

So he lowered himself onto his knees, looking up at her while steadying himself by holding onto her thighs. She looked at him with blazing eyes, her fingers still woven in his hair. 

You better get this done, they seemed to say. 

As if this wasn’t the goal, he retorted mentally and looked at her pointedly. Like, she should know that he was not one to give up mid make-out session. As long as the other person wanted to, of course. If this was a sport, he’d go for the win. Always.

Paxton went for one elaborate lick and her thighs clamped shut on reflex. It always startled and amused him when it happened. His head held prisoner between her legs? Life could be worse. 

She moaned and he probably came some in his pants. Making Devi lose it in a way other than in anger was the hottest thing he ever witnessed. She leaned back on outstretched arms to hold herself in place as he pushed her knees apart again. He didn’t get much of the alphabet he usually mastered with his tongue done before her legs became shaky. Almost , he thought. So he licked and he worked his fingers like it were a competition. It was his new favorite sport. He wanted to train for it and win the gold medal at the Olympics.  

Throwing him off his game, Devi yanked him up by his hair. He wiped his mouth on his upper sleeve and looked at her with crazed eyes, confused as to why she had stopped him. 

“Wha-“ He started but her mouth crashed to his, muffling the rest of his words. He was gripping her thighs as she arched into him once more. Her hand grabbed his and was moved back between her legs. Paxton grinned against her lips. So she wanted to be kissed while coming, he realized. Fine by him. He obliged her request and pushed his tongue into her mouth instead, his fingers back at work as well. When she couldn’t focus on kissing him back anymore and everything started feeling tighter around his fingers, he knew he had her where he wanted her. Shallow breaths escaped her as she clamped down around him, contracting uncontrollably. He looked at her coming undone and then, coming down off of her high. He felt so proud of his achievement it was hard not to beam and puff his chest.

When she came back to her senses, he tried to catch her eyes. He was so genuinely happy to be with her again, it was hard to guard any emotions even though his head already warned him not to expect anything, flooding him with uncertainty. 

“Wow.” She said, almost a little shyly as she repositioned herself, sitting up. She snatched the fabric of her bathing suit back in place, making them both look down and then back up, smiling sheepishly at each other. How they could go from a hundred down to shy was beyond him. It was so typical of them. Her legs closed up and he stepped back a little. 

“Uh, thank you, I guess?” She said, gripping the edge of the cabinet she was sitting on. She was so odd sometimes. 

“My pleasure.” He replied with a lazy half grin. 

“Oh, it was mine, for sure.” She retorted with a devilish smile which made his eyes gleam after hearing her words. 

He shrugged easily. “I also enjoyed it.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” He stepped in again. “Definitely.” 

His sultry voice always got to her. She shivered the tiniest bit but he noticed. And there it was. His dick. Up again. It took so little with her. 

His erection poked her upper thigh as he slowly and deliberately got closer. His left hand rested on her upper leg as the right one drew loose circles on the other. 

“Do you, um…” She looked down at his dick and then back up with huge eyes “…want me to return the favor?”

“Yeah,” He answered honestly, “but maybe not in here.”

“No?” 

“Nah. I’m kinda done with this party.”

“Oh. Yeah, me too.” She said unconvincingly.

He raised an eyebrow. Had he misread the situation? Did she not want to spend more time with him? Like, shit, did this mean they weren’t back on at all? 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah! This party blows!” She stated, surer than just earlier.

Literally , he thought and grinned to himself. Ah, the sex jokes. They came naturally to every guy he knew. 

“Plus, I really didn’t want you to kiss anyone earlier. Like, I  was ready to rip someone’s head off.”

He smiled at her statement. At least he wasn’t the only one feeling possessive. 

“Same. Just, you know, not so aggressively.” He winked. 

She rolled her eyes at him and smiled back. 

“So let’s get out of here!” She put her hands on his pecs and pushed him back to have space to hop down off the cabinet. “These red walls give me hell-vibes anyways. Like we just hooked up in Lucifer’s bathroom.”

He stepped back.

“Who’s Lucifer?”

“The devil.”

He had no idea what she was talking about so he let it slide. She turned her back towards him to check herself out in the mirror. Paxton stood behind her and watched her as she leaned in to inspect herself.

For some reason, in that moment it felt super intimate to see her like this: checking herself out after hooking up. She touched her swollen lips and stroked her flushed cheekbones. Her eyes seemed electric and her overall aura was super radiant. Paxton thought how proud she would be of his choice of words to describe her.   

He stepped in and caged her between his arms as his hands rested on the sides of the sink. He nuzzled her neck right under her ear, her long hair covering the spot he went for. His nose tip pushed the strands out of the way to have it fall down her back instead. With her right shoulder uncovered, he used it to rest his chin there. 

When he looked into the mirror again, he saw her looking at him. At them. Together. He wished her face wasn’t so unreadable in this very moment. Her eyes roamed over his face to his hair. 

“Oh no.”

“What?”

“You’ve got sex hair. And you didn’t even have any.“  She cackled. 

“Hmm, depends on who you’d ask. Some people would say it counted as sex.“

“Look at you, schooling me on definitions.“ She grinned and he laughed. 

“I’ve got a great tutor. You should try it.“ He winked at her through their mirror reflections. 

“Ha-ha.“ She replied and turned around, still wedged in.

Her hands went to his hair and his first instinct was to duck away. He had a serious love-hate relationship with Devi touching his hair. He loved the feel of it but not the afterward look. 

“Stop! Let me!” She commanded and held his head in place with both hands on the side of his skull. “Otherwise everyone will know what we did in here!”

He looked at her pointedly. “Everyone will anyways”

“Yeah but they can only speculate if we don’t look like it.” She said, convinced of her own words and rummaging though his curls, trying to flatten them down. 

“Stoppp.” Paxton complained at her non-existent skills to do hair. Or, his hair. Hers usually was really nice. He shook his head and wiggled it out of her touch. 

She looked at him, annoyed, and went to pat it again. 

“Nooo, you’re making it worse!” Paxton encircled her wrists and held them up. 

“Promise to leave it.” He demanded.

She nodded and after a beat of doubt, he let go of her hands. But the second he released them, she lunged for his hair again. They both cracked up as he tried to fight her off. In the end, he had his arms around encircling her upper arms and torso with a tight squeeze, pressing her against him so her arms couldn’t move. 

He didn’t mind the embrace at all when he made her promise to stop for good in order to let go of her.

“Fine.” Devi huffed. “You couldn’t look bad even if you tried, anyway.” She added with a sigh. 

“That… didn’t sound like a compliment.” He raised an eyebrow at her.

“You need me to butter you up more?” It sounded like she was making fun of him. 

He shrugged with a hint of self-consciousness. “You could’ve said it more convincingly.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Devi replied with fake incredulity that made him grin in return. 

“Yeah.” He pouted. “I need to hear nice things about myself from time to time.”

“From time to time?” She repeated exasperated. “Because the three tumblr pages about you and all the other girls I constantly have to compete against aren’t enough?“

“Yeah.” He nodded, smiling because he was mostly bull-shitting her and enjoyed their banter. 

“So you need me to compliment you more. Right now?” 

“Yeah.” He grinned and stood straighter to puff out his chest in an over-the-top fashion. “Hit me with one. I’m ready.”

Devi laughed at his ridiculous behavior. It was fun, though. Things felt easy and it helped not to think about that nagging thought in the back of his head how he told her he loved her earlier and she hadn’t really said anything about it yet. Maybe it was their way of stalling, but it felt okay for now. 

“Paxton, you’re so hot, even Victoria’s Secret would hire you to model for them.” She dead-panned. 

He laughed but recovered quickly to make a face. “That’s a girls underwear brand. Gimme another.”

“I’m not giving you another!” 

“Fine. I’ll take it. Thank you.“ He gave her a quick peck on the lips and turned on the charm. “Just so you know, you could model for them too.” 

She rolled her eyes, not believing him. “Uh-huh.”  

“ Devi .” He said with emphasis. 

“ Paxton .” She mimicked. 

“Have you looked in the mirror tonight? I mean, you even have the right clothes on for a Victoria's Secret model gig.” 

“I guess…” She mumbled.

“Honestly, you got me all worked up. More than usual.” He admitted with a smile.

“Sorry…-” She beamed, “-not sorry?“

He chuckled and looked down, only to look up with his best smoldering expression. If Devi’s eyes could’ve made a sound, they would’ve sighed. He worked his face so well. Especially on her. 

“So.” He said with a final tone. “Wanna get out of here or what?”

“Definitely.”