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The last time Chenle saw Jeno Lee, he was crying. Jeno, that is. Fourteen-year-old Chenle didn’t have many reasons to cry. All he did was play Call of Duty and make fun of Jisung as a sport. Jeno, on the other hand, cried a lot. The funny thing about it is that nobody expected Jeno to be a crier due to him being nice and cute? As if pretty boys didn’t cry.
It was a day before the start of summer break, and Jeno’s last one in their school. As his dad had accepted a job offer in a different state, Jeno was supposed to move away in three days. Despite Chenle and Jeno not being that close, Chenle attended the going away party, since it’d been put together by Jisung and Renjun. He was only there because Jisung was there, honestly, and he’d just finished his last Call of Duty campaign and there was nothing to do at home.
Fourteen-year-old Chenle didn’t get it when Jeno opened the door to let him in and beamed, moon eyes tightening in a way that made boys and girls swoon. He surely didn’t think much of Jeno’s attention, and how he was always around asking if Chenle wanted more chips, or if he’d like to play Mario Kart with everyone else. Chenle couldn’t possibly think there was any other reason for Jeno to be spending so much time with him at his own going-away party aside from being awfully hospitable. It’s not that he minded the company, Jeno was nice. They just didn’t have much in common (Jeno was in drama club and Chenle liked basketball), so they never really hung out together, just the two of them. Jeno was friends with Renjun — whose family was tight with Chenle’s — and he was also friends with Jisung. Jeno was there when they built the rocket station, and he was also there when they blew up Renjun’s fridge with soda. He was there, but Chenle doesn’t remember interacting with him for longer than a minute.
It was his last day, maybe he wanted more of Chenle to commit to memory. Maybe. Since they probably weren’t going to see each other again. They had no reason to.
That was the answer Chenle gave him when Jeno asked if they could keep in touch.
He shrugged, and said, “What would we have to talk about?” And left.
Of course, fourteen-year-old Chenle didn’t know a single damn thing past his gaming PC and the fantasy basketball forum he was a part of. He was also kind of rude and selfish. When they found Jeno hiding under the stairs bawling his eyes out, he never even considered himself to have been the cause of those tears. He let Jisung, Renjun, and their other friends handle it and sat on the couch with the basketball forum open on his phone.
Pretentious little Chenle Zhong had no regard for someone like Jeno Lee, who read Shakespeare for fun and cried under staircases.
Twenty-one-year-old Chenle doesn’t immediately recall where he knows Jeno Lee from.
He takes one look at the gorgeous, sweaty man in front of him, and frowns.
“Do I know you?” He asks the kind of thing you ask people at supermarkets when you both reach for the same product.
Chenle watches as Jeno’s eyes widen comically, and he takes a step back. He’s wearing workout clothes and his hair is still a little damp. It’s pretty obvious that he was exercising prior to this. Chenle’s wearing sweats and one of Mark’s hoodies, and his clusterfuck of hair is hidden underneath the hood.
“You do,” Jeno replies, still looking a little spooked. “It’s Jeno… Jeno Lee? We were… Um. We knew each other a while back.”
The name brings it all back. Jeno performing on stage as Peter Pan, laughing quietly as Renjun’s mom supervised their clean-up of her kitchen, crying under the stairs after Chenle rejected his offer to keep being friends. The fact that Jeno moved somewhere, but Chenle didn’t care to hear where.
“Oh, right! Yeah. Jeno!” Chenle can’t help but check him out. Jeno fills in his clothing quite nicely. “It’s been ages. You look. Different.” Hot. Jeno looks hot. Broad shoulders and defined muscles, he certainly doesn’t look as boyish as Chenle knows himself to look.
The comment seems to render Jeno sheepish as he rubs the back of his neck, and lowers his eyes. Interesting. “You do too.”
“So you remember me?” Chenle asks for good measure.
Jeno’s eyebrows arch again. “Of course I do! Chenle.”
Weird. Chenle doesn’t remember his name being spoken in Jeno’s voice. As far as memories go, this is a first.
He smiles. “That’s right. How have you been, man? Funny we haven’t met when I first moved here.”
“Oh, I transferred here, actually. Better program,” he laughs, a little awkwardly, and continues, “But my family is a train ride away.” After he explains, Jeno tilts his head. “How long have you lived here?”
“Since the beginning of my life as a uni student.” Chenle huffs, feigning annoyance, and Jeno hums.
Their interaction comes to a halt. There’s nothing else to exchange, no more pleasantries or other information of enough relevance to be casually thrown in. This is when they say their goodbyes and go their separate ways.
Whereas fourteen-year-old Chenle would have tossed Jeno a peace sign and bolted, twenty-one-year-old Chenle is curious. He wants to know where Jeno has been, and how he wound up here. Young adult Chenle Zhong values interpersonal connections and here is a potential one. Someone he doesn’t need to introduce himself to, albeit still new and exciting. Jeno clearly isn’t the same guy Chenle used to know in middle school. He exercises now (and consumes energy drinks, too). Maybe there’s something about him that would click with Chenle. They could study together? Go to the movies, maybe?
“Huh?”
“I’m sorry?” Jeno asks, and he tilts his head in that puppyish way again. Cute. Was he cute back when they knew each other? He might have been. Perhaps Chenle wasn’t gay enough to notice.
“Do you live in the area?” He shoots his shot.
“Yeah, two blocks from here,” Jeno says.
Score. “I live across the street.”
Jeno’s mouth forms an ‘oh’.
Before he regrets the decision, he pulls out his phone. “Hey, can I get your number? It would be cool to catch up.”
Now, this can go two ways.
Jeno’s kind, sweet eyes could hide a vengeful person. He can very well reject Chenle, in the same manner, he was rejected all those years ago. He can even throw Chenle’s own words back at him if he's spiteful. What would we have to talk about?
Or he could be cool and give Chenle his number. Which is what he ultimately does.
His whole face softens, and he smiles, saying, “sure,” before inputting his number into Chenle’s phone.
“I’ll text you!” Chenle promises.
Jeno says he’ll hold him to it, grabs his energy drink, and bids Chenle goodbye.
“Did you know Jeno Lee lives here?”
Two days later, Chenle still hasn’t texted Jeno. It’s his weekly Facetime call with Renjun and Jisung and he’s just recalled the episode at the market.
“Of course I did,” says Renjun. He stops fixing his hair to arch an eyebrow at Chenle. “Now how do you know that?”
“I ran into him at the market. Jisung, did you know?”
Jisung, whose camera has been off for the past five minutes, unmutes to say, “Yeah, he told me he was moving ‘cause I’m only an hour away. He wanted to meet up.”
“And did you meet him?”
“No time yet, but it’s in the works,” Jisung says before muting his mic again.
So both of them knew and didn’t even think to tell Chenle.
When he voices that, Renjun retorts, “I wasn’t aware you cared? You’re not exactly friendly with him.”
Fair. Chenle had a thousand opportunities to be friendly when they ran in the same circles and ended up wasting all of them. In hindsight, he’s not sure if ‘waste’ is the best term to describe it. His mind was just someplace else back then. Things are different now. Chenle would like to think he’s gotten better at relationships.
Besides, they’re both far from home, and even though Chenle knows a few people, Jeno doesn’t. He’d certainly benefit from hanging out with someone he’s at least acquainted with.
“I got his number,” Chenle says casually, moving to scoop some rice into his bowl.
Jisung’s voice pipes in, “You did? How? Did you message him on Instagram?”
Ignoring the fact that Jisung obviously wasn’t listening when he first explained it, Chenle says, “We ran into each other at the supermarket.” His mind reels back to Jeno’s damp hair and sweaty clothes. “He looks good.”
Renjun groans, “I know! You’d also know that if you followed him on Instagram.”
As he eats, Chenle makes a mental note to check out Jeno’s account later.
“Are you going to text him?” Jisung asks.
He shrugs, “Sure. He’s new in town and I don’t know that many people. It might be good to stick together.”
That’s where he stands when he finally messages Jeno another two days later.
It’s a Friday, and Chenle is stuck trying to fix some coding his project partner sent over — not even Stack Overflow helped. He decides that giving up is the only way, and turns off his monitor, wheeling his chair away from the desk and nearer to the bed where his phone sits.
‘Hey, it’s Chenle. Are you free to hang out tonight?’
It takes Jeno a full minute to type out his reply.
‘omg i thought you lost my number :> hey, we can meet.’
“What’s with the lowercase and the emoticons,” Chenle tells his empty apartment.
‘There’s a bar a couple of minutes away. Unless you’re more of a shopping mall kind of guy.’ As he types, Chenle smirks to himself.
The smirk widens into a grin as he watches Jeno’s typing bubble disappear several times before the answer comes through.
‘bar is fine. where do we meet?’
—
It’s been fifteen minutes since Chenle has introduced Jeno to Mark and Jaemin, and he’s starting to deeply regret it.
Both Mark and Jaemin laugh boisterously at everything Jeno says, and his jokes are lame enough for Chenle to grasp exactly what his friends are aiming for. The way Jaemin’s hand lingers on Jeno’s arm, squeezing almost imperceptibly. Chenle is watching. He’s watching so much that he’s getting bored.
“So, Jeno,” Jaemin says, lips starting to curl cheshirely as his eyes travel from Chenle to Jeno. “You knew Chenle when he was a teenager.”
Jeno chances a quick glance at Chenle before lowering his eyes and smiling bashfully (as he does most things, apparently). “Yeah.”
“Well, you must tell us every embarrassing thing he did,” Jaemin says, the devil. Chenle glares at him.
“Oh, we weren’t…” Another peek at Chenle, then eyes back to Jaemin. “We didn’t spend much time together…”
“Why’s that?” Mark asks, looking out into the bar. He doesn’t appear to be as interested as Jaemin.
Jeno blinks rapidly, gaze coming back to Chenle before he delivers his answer. It’s funny how he seems nervous about the questions. Chenle bites back a smile. “Um. He— I mean, we…”
“I wasn’t the most pleasant kid,” Chenle interrupts to say. He takes a sip of his beer, avoiding Jeno’s eyes.
Jaemin scoffs, “No change in that aspect, then.” Chenle kicks him under the table, and he groans.
“Hey, I’ll be right back,” Mark says absently and darts towards the bar. Chenle knows for a fact Mark flirts with the one bartender whenever they come here and mysteriously disappears for minutes on end.
“He was cool,” Jeno continues, finally looking at Chenle as if he can bear it. “He spent a long time with his consoles and codes, I thought it was sick that he could modify his games.”
Chenle’s career as an online game modder, albeit short-lived, pushed him into pursuing an education in software development. It’s the only thing he can do, honestly, there was no other path. Still, hearing Jeno praise him so openly gets his cheeks warm.
“Enough about Chenle!” Jaemin decides, fixing Jeno with a stare Chenle can only describe as lewd. “Let’s talk about you.”
With a roll of his eyes, Chenle decides it’s time to use the restroom. As he leaves the booth, Jeno eyes him curiously, but Chenle only offers him arched eyebrows in exchange.
Five minutes. That’s how long Chenle is away. Five minutes is what takes Jaemin to get his tongue into Jeno’s mouth.
Chenle comes back to their booth, and Jaemin has his lecherous hands wrapped around Jeno’s throat as if he means to cage him, like prey, and the kiss that entangles them is so deep that Jeno’s head is slightly tilted back. Chenle gapes at them for a brief moment, and wonders how the hell did he think this night would unfold.
Honestly, what did he think would happen? Did he seriously think having Mark and Jaemin in there as a buffer would ease things up between him and Jeno? ‘Cause, what he’s got is: things might have gotten awkward with Jeno since their past was addressed and now he’s lost his window of opportunity for the night. Because of Jaemin and his horny tongue.
Something weird and unpleasant twists itself in Chenle’s stomach.
When the kissing starts getting loud, Chenle does a quick sweep of the place with his eyes, finding Mark at the bar, too far away to be reached. He pulls out some bills from his wallet and tosses them on the table.
“Hey, I’m heading out,” he says, unsure whether anyone will even register his words.
But Jeno does, pulling away from Jaemin’s hold to fix his wide eyes onto Chenle’s. He’s flushed down to his neck, lips glistening with Jaemin’s spit, and hair a bit messier than it was before. “You’re leaving?” Asks Jeno, straightening just a bit in his seat, which consequently dislodges Jaemin from planting kisses on his neck.
Chenle nods once. “Thanks for coming.” He allows the corners of his mouth to rise in a small smile. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”
Jeno’s blush deepens, and he gently pushes Jaemin away. “Thanks for inviting me. Can I text you? Later, or… I don’t know, some other time?”
Jaemin is trying his damn hardest to bring Jeno back into their kiss, but Jeno’s eyes are glued to Chenle’s face – twenty-one-year-old Chenle, who’s trying to get better about a whole bunch of things but also, the same Chenle who made Jeno bawl his eyes out at his going away party.
“Yeah,” Chenle says, suddenly feeling like there’s not enough oxygen in his lungs. He takes a deep breath. “Sure, you can do that.”
With a loud groan and a glare in Chenle’s direction, Jaemin inquires, “Weren’t you leaving? Just go! Talk later!”
And with that, Chenle waves Jeno goodbye and leaves. The oddest thing about it is that even after he checks his pockets and finds all of his belongings in place, he still feels as if he left something behind at the bar.
As Chenle’s thanking his Uber for the ride, his phone buzzes five times. He pulls it out of his pocket and finds new texts from Jaemin.
You fucking ruined my hook-up!
Jeno went home after you left >:(
You should have gone in silence, he was so hot
Can you get me his number?
Please?
Chenle scoffs at his phone, something like vindication settling in his gut. He replies:
No :)
–
The clock strikes 3 PM, and the lecture hall quickly empties out. For a Wednesday afternoon, there are considerably fewer people traipsing around the building. Chenle’s finally done for the day, so now is when he usually walks home, making a mandatory stop for boba on his way. He’s got everything planned out: He’ll grab his boba, plug in his Walking Home playlist, then get home for a much-deserved nap.
He’s not accounting for Jeno, though, which ruins all of his plans. Not Jeno, per se, but his unexpected presence in the same building Chenle’s lecture takes place. Chenle is always here, but Jeno isn’t.
Sitting on a table at a studying area near the vending machines, Jeno looks every bit like he’s used to that spot, with a coffee cup and all of his books scattered over the desk. His hair is down, messy as if he just ran fingers through the strands when he woke up. The short-sleeved black shirt he’s wearing is supposed to be basic and bland, but on Jeno, it looks like something straight out of a fashion magazine. In comparison, Chenle’s wearing a ratty old sweatshirt that’s stained with something he gave up figuring out what or where it came from.
The more they meet, the more Chenle convinces himself that he drastically overlooked Jeno’s good looks.
For a beat too long Chenle stands there, rooted to the spot as he ponders over saying hi or just moving on with his plans without acknowledging Jeno. The decision is made for him when Jeno’s eyes meet his, and he raises from his seat in order to wave Chenle over.
Well, now he’s gotta say hi.
“Hey!” Jeno greets enthusiastically. There’s that pleasant smile on his face like he’s actually happy to see Chenle. “Are you running somewhere?”
"Um.” Chenle looks around himself, not really sure what he’s looking for. “I was heading home, actually.”
“Oh. Will you keep me company then? I’m just going over my notes.”
Nap or spend time with Jeno. It should be an easy call, really. Chenle decides not to dwell over his decision, and just nods, pulling out a chair as Jeno gathers some of his books. At first, Chenle doesn’t understand why he’s collecting his materials, but then it dawns on him that Jeno is making space for him. Like Chenle has notes to go over as well.
“What are you doing here?” Chenle asks and quickly realizes how rude that sounds. He adds, “I mean, I haven’t seen you around before.”
“Oh, I came over for the vending machines.” Jeno jerks a pen towards the machines. “The ones in my building didn’t have gummy worms, so.”
His words draw Chenle’s attention to the open pack of gummy words hidden underneath some loose sheets of paper. Jeno plucks it out and shakes the bag in the air.
“Want some?” He asks.
“I’m fine, thanks,” Chenle says, more polite than he’s used to being, which rewards him with a Jeno smile. He does think that whatever he said would have prompted that smile, though. Jeno is that friendly, it seems.
They sit quietly for a couple of seconds, all in which Chenle works his brain out figuring out how to start this conversation. What he comes up with is:
“What are you studying?” He takes a peek at Jeno’s notes and finds whole pages filled with text. Chenle’s eyes widen. “Damn. What do you need all that text for?”
Jeno laughs, and Chenle realizes his eyes still do that half-moon thing. “I’m in the performing arts program focusing on theater,” Jeno explains. “Lots of reading and writing.”
Chenle leans both forearms on the table, leaning forward. “So you’re still acting.”
Humming, Jeno mimics his gesture. “It’s the reason why I transferred, actually. Where I was, I could only graduate with a fine arts major and something along the lines of poetry or literature as a minor. There were no performing arts there. I did a year and looked somewhere else.”
“Are you happy with your choice?”
“Very,” Jeno says, and there is another of those moon-eyed smiles. The way his whole face moves with it shines a light on the tiniest mole underneath his right eye.
Suddenly, Chenle is grasped by the urge to reach out with his index finger and… Poke it.
That beauty mark… It’s just there, and the sort of thing that’s always been there. Just another testament to how much Chenle wasn’t paying attention. Well, now he’s definitely looking. He wouldn’t be able to look away if he wanted to, not when Jeno smiles at him as if he’s truly glad Chenle is there. Maybe he does that to anyone, who cares? Belatedly, Chenle understands that it’s impossible to deny Jeno of anything when he smiles like that, least of all his attention.
“You’re different,” Jeno says swiftly.
Chenle blinks at him. “What do you mean?”
The breeze comes in through the open windows, gently rustling Jeno’s fluffy hair. He inhales, and says, “You’re different from when we were kids.”
“How so?”
Jeno readjusts in his chair. “I don’t have much ground to say how you were back then, but now… You seem wiser. I don’t know.”
It’s the kind of comment that invites elaboration. How did Jeno even reach that conclusion? Was Chenle’s manner of gawking at him particularly creative? All of the ways he lost his words? Was he changing the world with his extended periods of silence?
“Sounds like you’re trying to flatter me,” Chenle says with a scoff. “Trust me, there’s no wisdom in this body.”
“Something else, then,” Jeno sustains, and the breeze is back, making his hair flutter yet again. It’s like the world is constantly working in Jeno’s favor to make him look even better than he already does.
Like the wind brings forth a denser kind of air, the atmosphere around them changes. It grows thicker, almost tangible. Perhaps the wind isn’t to blame. Perhaps it’s Jeno, and how his eyes grow suddenly darker, not daring to move away from Chenle’s.
Chenle clears his throat, and says, “Jaemin asked me for your number.”
“Did you give it to him?” Jeno props an elbow onto the table, leaning his cheek onto his open palm. The new position makes the way he looks at Chenle feel like appraisal; like he’s covering every corner of Chenle’s features.
“No.” Chenle swallows. “Do you want me to give it to him?”
Jeno’s eyes never stray. “I don’t mind if you do.”
Chenle rearranges the books and notes on the table for the lack of something else to do with his hands. He looks up at Jeno. “But do you want me to?”
There’s a pause.
“It would be nice to have more friends in town,” Jeno answers carefully.
“He doesn’t want to be friends, though, he wants to get into your pants.”
A tiny smile pops onto Jeno’s face. “That’s fine as well. I’m not shy about sex.”
Chenle’s stomach chooses that moment to clench, and he takes in a sharp breath. “Mm.”
“Are you?” A hair strand slides theatrically over Jeno’s forehead as if he could look any more like the anime love interest that he is.
Making sure to choose his words, Chenle says, “I have my reservations.”
“Which are…?”
The atmosphere around them is tense like every answer weighs a ton and has the power to change the course of their interactions. Jeno blinks lazily at Chenle, a completely different stance than when they met at the bar. He looks a lot less like the shy fifteen-year-old who would keep trying to strike up a conversation with Chenle only to fail miserably.
“You seem to be oddly interested in my sex life,” Chenle points out.
Jeno smiles again. He smiles a lot. It’s infuriating. And that goddamn beauty mark under his eye glaring at Chenle as if it’s challenging him to kiss it. Completely unaware of Chenle’s inner turmoil, Jeno says, “Just trying to get to know you better.”
“Through my sexual preferences?”
“Sure,” Jeno shrugs, nonchalant. “It might come in handy some time.”
There’s no more denying it. It is what it is. Chenle is definitely not hallucinating, this is flirtation. Jeno is flirting. He has to be.
“Oh my god,” he balks, a hand involuntarily flying up to cover his mouth. “Are you flirting with me?”
Jeno doesn’t even falter. “Does it bother you?”
“No… Just wondering how you got so confident all of a sudden? The other day you couldn’t even meet my eyes!”
“It must be your sweater paws,” eyes lowering to Chenle’s wrists, resting on the table, Jeno smiles again. “They make you look really soft and unintimidating.”
Self-conscious, Chenle slides his sleeves up his forearms until they’re all bunched up on his elbows. He knows he’s blushing because his cheeks feel like they’re on fire, but he refuses to acknowledge it any further. Never mind that a hot guy is flirting with him, this is Jeno Lee. Chenle can deal with Jeno Lee.
He lifts his eyes and tilts his chin up just a bit. “Less intimidating than when I made you cry that one time?”
That gets him a reaction. Jeno’s brows twitch, and his arm drops onto the table. He leans slightly forward and squints at Chenle. “You just have to be in control at all times, don’t you?”
A strange bout of power surges inside of him, and Chenle parts his lips, allowing his eyes to slide to the lower half of Jeno’s face before he says, “I like to be on top of things.”
Jeno’s nostrils flare. Something passes between them – mutual understanding, perhaps. They’ve reached a point in which the tension is palpable, and anyone in the vicinity would be able to tell they’re attracted to each other. There’s no need for any more innuendos, they’ve both made their points across.
Relaxing back in his seat, Jeno says, “When we were kids I thought you were so cool, I just had to be friends with you. But you kept rejecting me. You were my first heartbreak.”
“You’re still not used to people not falling over your feet, huh?”
“It wasn’t about that. I just… Really liked you.”
“Why?”
“You had this really stubborn persona, but you were always taking such good care of Jisung and Renjun. When no one was looking, you were nice and polite, and reliable. I wanted to be near you as well.”
Regret washes over his pride, and Chenle downcasts his eyes for a second. “I’m sorry I was an ass to you.”
“Why did you hate me?” Jeno asks, sounding genuinely curious.
“I didn’t hate you,” Chenle rushes to explain. “I just thought you were overrated.”
Jeno snorts. “Overrated?”
“Yeah. The whole theater heartthrob thing and how everyone’s attention was always on you.”
“Chenle,” Jeno says, clearly amused. “You were jealous of me.”
That’s ridiculous. Chenle shifts in his seat, scoffing in denial. “No, I wasn’t.”
“Yes, you were. Didn’t have to, honestly, I didn’t care about all that attention.”
It’s Chenle’s turn to hold amusement in his tone. “Are you going to say all you wanted was my attention?”
“Yes,” Jeno says, dead serious. “You were my teenage crush.”
A final straw. Something not even a stubborn being like Chenle can take. Plain honesty – no games being played. Jeno knows what he wants, and he’s making sure Chenle knows as well.
“Fuck that, I’m out of here.” Chenle stands up and makes to leave.
“Chenle.”
He halts and turns around to give Jeno one final, painstaking look. It was physically hard to keep eyes on him, like Jeno’s entire being was made to inflict Chenle with actual pain. “What?”
“I’ll see you soon. Okay?”
It’s permission that he wants. He’s testing the waters, checking whether Chenle is going to reject him again.
“Okay,” Chenle says. It comes out like a wheeze, like the past few minutes and this conversation with Jeno have left him out of fuel. Chenle is currently running on fumes.
Jeno’s blinding smile pumps him with the few drops of power he needs to carry himself home and lie in bed wide awake, all thoughts gone but the words ‘you were my teenage crush’ on reverb inside his brain.
—
when we’re too busy to facetime
chenle
Did you know Jeno had a crush on me?
jisung
yes? his whole personality centered around trying to get you to notice him hahahaha you didnt know?
chenle
No???? Wtf?????? Why didn’t you tell me???????
jisung
idt any of us realized tbh… only much later, the bell rang
renjun
Why the question? Did anything happen?
jisung
👀
chenle
We’ve been hanging out. He told me I was his teenage crush. I think he was flirting with me today.
renjun
Jeno flirts with everyone, you’re not that special.
jisung
idk if that’s true
chenle
Which part?
jisung
the last part. jeno does flirt w everyone, he’s a sexual person…
renjun
Jisung, don’t fuel his ego. He doesn’t need any more of it.
chenle
???? I just wanna know if he’s into me
renjun
He probably is.
chenle
Then why were you discouraging me????????
renjun
I wasn’t, I just told you that Jeno hooks up a lot, that’s all!
renjun
If you end up fucking him, don’t get attached. It might end badly for you.
chenle
You seem to be speaking from experience.
jisung
👀
chenle
Renjun????
jisung
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
renjun
We slept together once. Last year when he visited. I had a crush… This was before Donghyuck.
I actually met Donghyuck because of Jeno.
He was my rebound LOL
chenle
And you never thought about telling me????????? I thought we told each other everything??????
jisung
in renjun’s defense, you never wanted to hear about jeno
whenever we brought him up, you’d be like 🙄 and leave the convo
chenle
I wasn’t that annoying…
renjun
Oh, but you were.
jisung
you were always annoying about jeno lmao
renjun
So my advice is: if you’re sure he’s into you, go for it. If not… Be careful. You might get your hopes up and then your heart broken.
—
Chenle doesn’t even see the ball coming until it’s smacking him in the chest. The impact propels him back, and he makes a small oof sound. Being hit by a basketball manages to bring him back to the present, though. He resituates himself – the court by the square near his apartment building – and locates Mark.
“Dude? Get your head in the game! What the fuck are you thinking about?” Mark demands as he jogs after the ball.
Truth be told, the information Renjun fed him earlier is stuck on every single wrinkle in his brain. The shocking bit isn’t even that he slept with Jeno, but the fact that Chenle must tread carefully if he should allow anything to happen. The notion that Jeno Lee could hurt him in any way doesn’t seem feasible. This is the same guy that would gawk at Chenle whenever he did anything at all. The same guy who cried because Chenle wouldn’t be friends with him. This Jeno Lee is capable of breaking his heart?
“Chenle?!” Mark exclaims, sounding and looking very impatient. “Should I go? I could be home watching Spy Family, dude.”
Shaking his head as if it’ll clear his thoughts, Chenle approaches Mark. “Sorry. I got distracted for a bit.”
Now Mark looks concerned. He steps closer, frowning when he asks, “Dang, is everything okay? You need a break or…?”
“Fine,” Chenle waves his concern away and grabs the ball from Mark’s hands. “Just… Silly stuff.”
Mark takes the ball back and holds it under his arm so he can squeeze Chenle’s shoulder with his free hand. “You can talk to me, bro.”
The concern in Mark’s eyes seems genuine, which loosens up Chenle’s tongue. He’s speaking before he can stop himself. “There’s this guy… He might be into me, but I’m not sure.”
“Oh, you mean Jeno?” Mark says.
Chenle’s eyebrows shoot up. “How did you know?”
Mark smirks. “He was all shy around you last time.”
“Oh, he’s over that,” Chenle says, flashes of Jeno’s dark eyes lighting up his memory. “He’s gotten quite… Flirtatious.”
“Nice,” Mark nods in approval. “Are you gonna hit that?”
“Maybe… I don’t know.”
“You should. He’s hot.”
Should he? Maybe he should. If he’s careful enough, Jeno won’t cause him any harm. Again, it’s Jeno Lee. How dangerous can he be?
—
The answer is: Very Dangerous.
It’s Jeno who texts him about the party first. Someone he knows is throwing it, and the moment Chenle arrives (Mark in tow), he realizes this might not be like the parties he’s used to going. The first sign is the place: an old industrial building with one of those construction lifts and exposed brick walls. The kind of place artsy people buy when they finally make it in the business.
Secondly, the people milling around appear, to his basic eye, to be overdressed. There is a guy wearing a whole scarf. Indoors.
Then, there’s the music. Chenle can’t recognize the language, and the backtrack sounds like it was put together using glass bottles and metal spoons.
“Wow, this….” Mark checks their surroundings, unable to hold back his awestruck gaze. “Everything looks expensive as fuck in here. Is that a real sword? Should we pay for the drinks?”
Chenle is wondering how he’s going to find Jeno when Jaemin materializes in front of them.
“Finally! You’re late! You missed poetry reading, the next performance should be a dance thing.”
His presence is off-putting, to say the least. Chenle doesn’t remember texting Jaemin about the party, and he did so with the clearest of consciences and a very good reason. That being, Chenle doesn’t want Jaemin to steal his thunder. Jaemin can curl his horny tongue back inside his own mouth.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Chenle demands, uncaring if he sounds rude.
The smile slips off Jaemin’s face, and he raises an eyebrow. “Jeno invited me. He seemed surprised I wasn’t aware of the party, since he asked you to extend invitations to both Mark and me.”
Chenle rolls his eyes. “I forgot to tell you.”
Jaemin isn’t convinced. “Sure you did. Anyways, Jeno won’t stop asking about you. He’s in the second bedroom checking out the sculptures.”
It irks him (mildly) that Jaemin got to talk to Jeno before Chenle, but he brushes it off in favor of looking around. “And where the hell is that supposed to be?”
“Follow the hallway behind the giant chess piece, second door to your left.”
There really is a giant glass chess piece standing in the middle of the room. Not the only one, too. There’s another next to the marble kitchen island. Who the fuck lives here?
“Mark, you coming?” Chenle asks.
Mark shakes his head, frowning at some sort of spectacle that’s happening by a bar too lavish to be a home bar. “They’re giving out drinks with fire in it, Chenle. Fire.” Without waiting for another word from Chenle, Mark walks towards the bar. Jaemin follows him, but not before he raises a single eyebrow at Chenle and smirks (?).
On his way to the second bedroom, Chenle sees someone with face make-up mimicking a lion, like they’re an actor in the musical Cats. His brows knit before he can stop himself — luckily, Lion Person didn’t seem to have noticed him.
There’s a whole exposition going on in the second bedroom. Several sculptures lie scattered around the room, which happens to be wide enough to house many of them. The light in the room is dim, but there are spotlights lighting up the sculptures from the floor, a very professional setting for what Chenle thought to be someone’s home.
It’s Jeno who finds him. Chenle tilts his head, struggling to understand what’s being depicted in a medium-sized clay piece entitled ‘Diversion’ when he feels a hand slide from his lower back to his hip. Chenle is so determined to decipher whatever code is hidden in Diversion that Jeno’s touch startles him.
“Easy,” says Jeno, smiling at Chenle. “It’s just me.”
Just Jeno, wearing a tight black turtleneck shirt and wet hair pushed away from his forehead as if he ran his hands over the strands so many times that they just decided to stay put like that. There’s a tiny hoop earring on his ear, and Chenle doesn’t think there’s anyone alive hotter than Jeno Lee right now. It’s physically impossible. There’s just no way.
Chenle swallows, throat feeling desert-dry, and puts some space between the two of them. He can’t think, not when he’s acutely aware of every point of contact between himself and Jeno. The hand on his hip, the arm around his back.
Blinking rapidly, Chenle says, “Hey.” That’s pathetic. Utterly ridiculous. He clears his throat and tries again. “Fancy ass house. Who lives here?”
“One of our professors,” Jeno says, tucking his hands into his pants pockets. His tight, black pants. If Chenle makes it out of here alive, he’ll donate to charity.
“Professor?” Chenle mumbles. He should get a grip. Get a fucking grip, don’t let him glamour you. You came here to glamour him.
Jeno hums. His eyes have been adamant on Chenle’s face ever since he slid close. Mildly disconcerting, but Chenle will persevere. “He’s one of those scholars who likes to mingle with the student body. He’ll throw these parties under the guise of providing undergrads with opportunities to network, but truthfully, he just wants everyone to think he’s cool and hip.”
“Well, he’s got a pretty cool place.”
“Right?” Finally, Jeno looks away in order to sweep the place with his eyes in reverence. “It’s my first time here, but people say he changes the layout of the flat. every month.” He turns to look at Chenle once more. “There’s a space room, wanna check it out?”
Of course Chenle wants to check out the space room with Jeno. What else did he come here for if not to check out the space room with Jeno?
And the space room really is a space room. The moment Chenle steps in, he stumbles and Jeno has to steady him with strong arms around his waist, goddamnit. He stumbles because he can’t see the ground, since everything is pitch black and he feels as if he’s swimming in the literal cosmos. Chenle can’t say for sure where the projection is coming from, but there are clouds of space dust floating around, and stars shining in the distance. A gust of dry ice comes out of nowhere, and the lighting effects make it glitter. It’s colder here than the rest of the flat, and the people are either lying on the floor, or spinning around like they’re on acid.
Chenle can’t deny that this is pretty awesome.
“Wow,” he voices, unable to look away from the projections on the walls. Even with the dry ice clouding his view on some spots, but it all blends in perfectly to create this incredible outer space atmosphere.
“I know. This room is what he calls his money shot.” Jeno turns to look at him, and Chenle meets his gaze. For a second too long, they just stare at each other because Chenle is unsure of what he’s supposed to say. Jeno beats him to it. “I’m really glad you came.”
“Me too,” Chenle answers. It’s the truth. He’s glad to be here in the space room with Jeno as his company.
They take a seat on the floor, and just watch everything going on around them.
There’s something about this room – the people who don’t seem to be paying them any attention, cosmos, and stardust everywhere. Chenle turns to face Jeno, and finds himself marvelling at his features. The line of his jaw and the slope of his nose. The subtle bags under his eyes that push up ever so slightly as he looks around all moon-eyed. Jeno looks gorgeous. He always does, but especially now as he sits amongst the stars. The way the lights hit him every time the dry ice clears out makes his silhouette sparkle. Like his edges are made of glitter.
Chenle is speaking before he realizes it. “I don’t know if it’s the effects in this room, but it feels like there’s glitter… All around you. You’re shimmering.”
Jeno just gazes at him, knowingly. There isn’t a smidge of surprise in his eyes, as if he’s used to boys telling him he sparkles.
“Can I touch?” That is what Chenle asks next. He’s being moved by this force that propels him into Jeno’s forcefield, nosediving straight into him.
Serene, Jeno nods, and Chenle touches. His chin, his cheeks. His nose. His lips. Jeno’s mouth parts and Chenle’s thumb is enveloped by the warmth of his breath. It feels as if there’s no air in Chenle’s lungs — he inhales, but it’s loud like a gasp and embarrassing enough to pull his hands out of Jeno’s space.
“That’s it?” Jeno asks an eyebrow arched high. “Thought you’d segue into something else with the touching.”
That was the plan, but you’re too beautiful and it freaks me out.
Of course, Chenle can’t say something like that. Not if he doesn’t want to come out as a virginal shy boy before Jeno, cry-baby Jeno Lee who happens to have become a sex entity, apparently. What even is Chenle’s goal here? Is he planning on seducing Jeno and tossing him out like a fuck boy (which he most definitely isn’t)? Does he want to date Jeno?
The truth is that Chenle isn’t that well-versed where romantic relationships are concerned. He made out with Jisung a couple of times and actually had sex a grand total of twice (with the same person, his freshman year’s roommate’s cousin), and he’s not even sure if he liked it. As it turns out, Chenle might be shy about sex. Except that he can’t let Jeno know just yet.
Although… Jeno might be aware, already.
With their current set-up, in these particular circumstances, it seems like Jeno has the high ground. He was a mess of nerves during their first outing, but somehow became this beacon of confidence, whereas Chenle can’t bear to stand too close to him. What.
“Chenle?” Jeno is now watching him with obvious worry etched in his features, hand coming to rest over Chenle’s. “Is something wrong?”
Maybe it’s the lights. “Can we go outside for some air?” He asks and pulls himself to his feet.
Chenle can sense Jeno’s eyes on him as he exits the room. Pull yourself together. Out of the space room, the lamp lights make him squint for a second as his eyes get used to the brightness. Jeno’s fingers reach for his, gently.
“Hey. Are you okay?”
He’s genuinely concerned now. Chenle doesn’t want him to be.
Nodding, Chenle says, “Yeah. Maybe.” He shrugs. “I think so.” Jeno clearly doesn’t buy it. He tilts his head, looking as if he might ask more questions that Chenle doesn’t know how to answer. Quickly, Chenle adds, “I’m a bit thirsty. Do we have to pay for the drinks here?”
That eases the tension in Jeno’s face. He exhales, shoulders visibly dropping, and the hint of a smile pops up. “Of course not. What do you wanna drink?”
They end up on a green velvet couch in a room that has no particular title and appears to be hosting every single furniture piece that was moved out of their places. There’s a big elephant sculpture next to the floor-to-ceiling windows, and a golden-frame mirror that looks like it was taken out of an Anthropologie catalogue. Dressers and armchairs and a tea cart and a bookcase. The fancy drink in Chenle’s that was clearly mixed by someone who knows what they’re doing tastes like apples and greatness, and the third sip goes down like a blaze of fire and promise. It unties the invisible knots around his body that pinned him to the spot, allowing him to slide a tad closer to Jeno.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jeno asks, the lines of tension threatening to make a comeback on his face. “You’ve been awfully quiet ever since we left the space room.”
And Chenle can tell him the truth, or he can lie.
He can tell Jeno that he doesn’t do this often, that although he’s gotten better at friendships, he’s still tip-toeing into romance. ‘Cause this is what he wants with Jeno, it seems. Romance. Or at least an iteration of it in which they kiss and maybe fuck, but he doesn’t know how to approach this in a normal way. In a way that doesn’t scream ‘first time’ to someone who probably doesn’t even remember their first time. And how the fuck can Chenle make it clear to Jeno that it definitely wouldn’t be his first time without sounding like an absolute moron?
Thank fucking god that he can lie.
“Yeah,” he says, attempting a smile, praying that his edges don’t shake. “Just… Thinking?”
“Wanna share your thoughts?”
Now, why the fuck wouldn’t he expect this? With a deep breath, Chenle says, “How… Different you are? So little about you resembles the Jeno Lee I used to know.”
Jeno blinks at him for a couple of seconds. “Or maybe you didn’t know much about me.”
Well. That’s true. And hurtful as well, but true. Chenle lowers his eyes, focusing on the blue liquid occupying half of Jeno’s glass. “Ouch.”
“Sorry,” Jeno laughs, sympathetic. “I didn’t mean to corner you about it, it’s just that most people tell me I haven’t changed at all.”
It’s clear now. “Most people knew you.” Chenle lifts his eyes and finds Jeno’s pretty smile waiting for him.
“Exactly.”
Another sip of liquid courage, and Chenle is determined. “Well, I’m ready to get to know you. Tell me everything.”
“Sure. What do you want to know?”
The first thing that bursts through his brain is, “When did you have your first kiss?”
“The summer I moved away,” Jeno answers promptly, looking into his glass as his hand movements swirl the drink inside. “I was heartbroken and missing my friends. There was an older boy next door, an exchange student. He got many of my firsts that summer.”
Chenle blinks. He shouldn’t ask, so he doesn’t. Instead, he flips the coin on the conversation. “Now you ask me something.”
“When did you have your first kiss?”
“I was expecting that one,” Chenle laughs.
“Oh really? Am I that predictable?”
“Not really, I just set you up for it.” Clearing his throat, Chenle says, “Senior prom night, actually. Yizhuo was my date and we kissed for a couple of minutes before she said she wasn’t that into me and I drove her home.” Jeno winces, and Chenle sighs wistfully. “Thankfully, I went miles away for college and we lost contact.”
Jeno looks at him. “How many people from school do you still talk to?”
“Renjun and Jisung, pretty much. And now… You, I guess.”
“You guess?” Jeno smiles.
Chenle drinks some more to hide his smile. “Unless you don’t actually count as a school friend… Since I rejected you back then.”
A loud sound between a yelp and a chuckle, then Jeno pushes him lightly at the shoulder. “Stop talking about it, it’s actually a sore spot for me! Do you know how upset I was?”
“Oh, I do. You cried for hours under those stairs.”
“I should have known,” Jeno says, wondrous. “Years later and Chenle Zhong still manages to unsettle me.”
“In a good way, I hope.”
Jeno pauses and blinks at him. “Sometimes I think I’ve got you figured out, but you always throw me off.”
That doesn’t sound good. Chenle holds Jeno’s gaze, looks into his dark, mesmerizing eyes, and feels the last of the knots in his body loosening.
“You can ask me anything, I’ll be honest with you.”
With their gazes still locked tight, Jeno asks, “How do you feel about me now?”
Honesty, Chenle promised. He can’t turn back now. A big gulp from his glass, and he answers, “Right now? I feel like you could come closer.”
He listens to the sharp intake of air coming from Jeno, his lips parting, glistening with the remnants of alcohol from his last sip. Chenle wants to lean in and lick it all off.
Jeno slides closer, his arm resting on the back of the couch, right above Chenle’s neck. He can feel the warmth irradiating from Jeno’s body, it tickles the hair on his nape. This close, Chenle is able to get a whiff of Jeno’s smell — the mix of cologne and sweat, the scent immediately latching onto every wrinkle in his rain.
He turns to face Jeno, and their noses are a hair-width away from touching. Chenle sighs, and Jeno’s pupils expand.
“Like this?” Jeno asks, not louder than a whisper, and goosebumps erupt all over Chenle’s body. He nods and watches in what feels like slow-motion, as Jeno’s throat bobs with a swallow. “Now you ask me anything.”
Jeno’s arm settles around Chenle’s shoulders, and he allows his own hand to rest on Jeno’s thigh. It’s like his body moves on instinct, his nose brushing over Jeno’s once, twice.
“When the fuck are you going to kiss me?” He asks.
Eyes lowering to Chenle’s lips, Jeno uses the hand around Chenle’s shoulder to close the distance between them. His thumb gives Chenle’s cheek the slightest push, and Chenle’s mouth falls right into his. A smooth move coming from someone who’s done this a thousand times, but it doesn’t matter now. Nothing matters as Jeno’s lips touch his, pressing for a couple of beats before they move.
It’s such a chaste kiss, just lips moving against one another, careful. And yet.
Yet, Chenle’s chest thunders with the pounding of his heart. He knows Jeno can hear it, can feel it after he presses a palm against Chenle’s chest, right where his frantic heart threatens to carve an exit out of his body.
It feels a bit dry after a while, so Chenle licks at Jeno’s lips once, trying to add some moisture, and the noise it pulls out of Jeno is earth-shattering. The hand on Chenle’s chest rises to thread into his hair and tug him closer. This time when Jeno kisses him, he does it tongue first.
Jeno tastes like his blue drink as he coats Chenle’s mouth in spit, lips parted wide and teeth clattering every time their heads adjust the angles. By now Chenle’s got an arm around Jeno’s waist, locking their bodies together, and one of his legs has somehow found its way over Jeno’s lap. They’re tangled in an absolute mess of limbs, and each time Chenle’s tongue laps at Jeno’s, he feels like they’re not close enough.
With a thumb under Chenle’s chin, Jeno pulls them apart for a much-needed breath of air. They look at each other for a brief moment, and soon, Jeno’s wet mouth is pressing open against Chenle’s neck.
It’s not as if Chenle had been offering any sort of resistance before, but now, every shaggy bit of it flies out the window. His head thrown back against the couch, Chenle senses the fire in his gut getting wider and hotter the lower Jeno’s mouth reaches. One of his hands squeezes at Chenle’s ribs, too close to his nipples, and Chenle makes a noise.
Desperate, he yanks Jeno back up, grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling. He’s granted a glimpse of Jeno’s scrunched-up face, and also the blush gracing every corner of his face. Pretty boy. Chenle doesn’t remember if he’s ever experienced being turned on by simply the way someone looks.
“You’re really pretty,” he can’t help himself. Jeno (while panting) gives him a knowing smile and surges forward to connect their lips again.
After making out for several minutes, their kisses turn languid, less euphoric. Chenle lies back on the couch, Jeno halfway on top of him with an arm and a leg around Chenle’s body. He’s settled into rhythmically caressing Jeno’s hair, scratching his scalp and occasionally slipping behind his ear just to hear him hum in pleasure. It’s cute. Every time Chenle scratches behind his ear, Jeno lifts his head and presents his lips for kissing. Chenle hasn’t got much of a choice — he kisses him, right on his beauty mark, and then his lips.
He has no idea what time it is, and frankly, it’s not like he cares. However, everyone has already left the room and the two of them are currently the sole occupants.
“You know what time it is?” Chenle asks.
Jeno shifts against him and pulls his phone out. The screen shines a blue light on his face. “A quarter past one.”
It’s late. Despite it being a Saturday, Chenle had in mind that he’d work on the code both he and his project partner were stuck on. He should probably go home.
But here is Jeno, wrapped around him like an octopus, pressing tiny kisses against Chenle’s jaw and sighing every time Chenle scratches his ear. He really doesn’t wanna leave. Doesn’t want Jeno to leave.
“What are you thinking about?” Jeno, who can freakishly read Chenle’s mood, asks.
“I have stuff to do in the morning,” he says. “But I don’t wanna go.”
“Then don’t.”
“But I really can’t neglect this thing any further. I think I have to go.”
Jeno groans, and tightens his hold around Chenle, burying his face right into Chenle’s neck. “No,” he says petulantly, the movement of his lips against the skin of Chenle’s neck sending shivers down his spine. “Ten minutes. You can go in ten minutes.”
Ten minutes isn’t much. They’ll probably make it into twenty, but that just means that Chenle will be leaving around one forty, which is fine. He can stay a little longer.
Brushing his hand down Jeno’s back, then up again, Chenle says, “Okay. Ten minutes.”
—
It’s almost two in the afternoon, and Chenle’s been on campus since seven. All he’s had since breakfast was an americano, and he’s hungry, but his project partner just doesn’t know when to stop. He types and talks as if Chenle is going to poof out of existence. Well, he was ghosted for several consecutive days as Chenle worried about the woes of romance instead of The Code.
Fred is a nice guy, really. Right now he’s fronting most of the adjustments as Chenle browses their library for patches. It’s only fair that Fred pulls his weight now since Chenle pretty much carried the team for the entire first month.
As Fred talks, Chenle heaves a sigh and looks away from the screen. The study area is packed with concerned-looking students rushing through their assignments, some looking like they haven’t seen any sleep in days. There’s a bunch of people around, and still, Chenle is able to spot Jeno in the crowd.
Jeno sees him too.
With a tiny smile and a quick wave, Jeno makes his way toward Chenle. A single strap holds Jeno’s backpack on his shoulder, and the long-sleeved shirt he’s wearing seems ratty and worn. There’s a beanie hiding most of his hair, and even when he’s supposed to look tired and done, Jeno looks great.
“Hey!” Jeno greets, as enthusiastic as ever. His eyes zap from Chenle to Fred, who doesn’t even look away from the code.
“Hey,” Chenle says. “Fancy meeting you here again.”
Jerking a thumb in the direction of the vending machines, Jeno says, “Drinks. This is their temple and I’m an admirer. How are you doing?”
“Been better,” Chenle shrugs, shooting Fred a look and noting he’s finally realized they’re not alone anymore. “This is Fred, my project partner. Fred, Jeno. A childhood friend.”
Jeno’s cheeks redden just a bit as he smiles at Fred, who, on the other hand, just nods and goes back to his screen.
Chenle rolls his eyes. “We’ve been trying to get this project done.”
“We have to get it done,” Fred emphasizes, side-eyeing Chenle. “It was pushed aside for a while.”
Jeno’s mouth forms a silent ‘oh’. “Gotta despise projects.” He blinks at Chenle, expectant. “That probably means you’re unavailable for hanging out, huh?”
The typing sounds stop. Chenle avoids looking at Fred and takes a deep breath. “We can meet once this is out of the way. I’ll text you.”
The disappointment on Jeno’s face is so glaringly obvious that even after he’s gone (been gone for minutes), Fred lifts his eyes from the laptop and says, “That dude is so into you that even if this took us weeks to finish, he’d still be down to clown.”
—
The Code takes three whole days of bearing with Fred to finally get done, and as soon as the file is checked and uploaded, Chenle pulls out his phone and texts Jeno.
The setup is a simple one — the bar, after class. Chenle manages a quick stop at home for a shower (he’s absolutely not meeting Jeno dressed in lecture wear) and makes it to the bar earlier than planned. Unfortunately, Jaemin is there.
He sticks to Chenle’s side like a leech, arms around Chenle like an octopus, his slightly damp skin an indicator of how long he’s been here.
“Looking good tonight, Zhong. Waiting on someone?” He asks, loud enough that people standing nearby turn to stare at them.
As he tries to disentangle from Jaemin, Chenle makes an eye-sweep of the place and finds no Jeno in sight. “Yeah, and you’re getting you all over me.” He grimaces when Jaemin tries to peck his cheek and jumps. “How long have you been here?”
“Long enough,” Jaemin says, then pouts. “I kinda miss you. Where have you been?”
“The same places I’ve always been,” Chenle sighs and looks around yet again. “You haven’t seen Jeno, have you?”
Jaemin huffs. “You really took him for yourself, didn’t you?” There’s smugness in his tone when he says, “Just keep in mind that I had him first.”
Chenle isn’t fazed. “You kissed him once and he immediately regretted it.”
Jaemin stares, and the smug wipes out of his face. “Whatever, you can have him.”
“He’s not yours to give, Jaemin,” Chenle nudges him with an elbow, and all but feels the moment Jeno enters the bar.
He turns his head, and his eyes meet Jeno’s. It’s like his whole stomach flips inside out — ridiculous —, the kind of stuff Chenle has never had to deal with. He knows it’s never happened before because the feeling startles him, and his first reaction is to place both hands over his stomach as if he’s feeling for a moving baby or something.
Jeno – the most beautiful person Chenle has ever laid his eyes on. The most beautiful person to ever smile at Chenle the way he’s doing right now — like he’s genuinely pleased to see him.
“Ugh,” Jaemin, making sure his presence is remembered, says, “Disgusting. I’m leaving.”
If Chenle were able to perceive anyone but Jeno right now, he would tell Jaemin to fuck off. Good thing he doesn’t. There’s no need for anyone but Jeno, honestly.
“Hey, sorry I’m late,” Jeno says, anticipation coloring his voice. He’s not wearing anything out of the box, just a shirt, and jeans, but it’s enough.
Before he realizes what he’s doing, Chenle reaches out to lightly link his fingers with Jeno’s. Just a touch. “That’s fine, I was early.”
Jeno looks past Chenle, and his brows knit. “Was that Jaemin? Why did he leave?”
Chenle snorts, and tugs Jeno closer. “‘Cause he wasn’t wanted. Don’t worry about Jaemin.”
“Oh yeah?” Jeno smiles and looks down at him. “Should I worry about you then?”
In lieu of providing him with an answer, Chenle pulls him into a booth.
A couple of hours and several drinks later, Jeno is sitting half on top of Chenle, mouth intent on exploring every corner of his neck.
Chenle didn’t really have an agenda for tonight aside from spending time with Jeno, so this works perfectly. Kissing is fun, Chenle loves kissing, and Jeno is a great kisser. His insistent fingers dig into Chenle’s cheek, pulling his face closer, the cold tip of his nose dragging from Chenle’s throat to his jaw. It’s impossible to keep his hands to himself when Chenle’s got Jeno all over him like this. He grips at Jeno’s waist and swallows down a groan when he feels Jeno’s knee repositioning between his open legs.
This is definitely the farther they’ve ever gotten, make-out-wise, and the place might not be the most appropriate.
Chenle steals a wet, open-mouthed kiss from Jeno’s mouth before he pulls them slightly apart. It’s definitely the exposure that makes him do it — not wanting to stop but also not wanting to share any of this with curious eyes (Jaemin is probably watching for crying out loud).
“Wanna get out of here?” He asks, confidently enough that whoever hears him will be sure he propositions people all the time.
Jeno only nods, mouth ajar, eyes dark and a bit hazy.
As they walk to Chenle’s place, Jeno leans onto his side, hand firmly clasped around Chenle’s. Whenever they stop at traffic lights and intersections, Jeno leans his head onto Chenle’s shoulder, the ever-cold tip of his nose touching Chenle’s skin. He’s so… Touchy. It makes Chenle want to touch him too.
This whole affair feels like something entirely new. It definitely doesn’t feel like Chenle and Jisung exploring themselves, nor sneaking under the blankets with his roommate’s cousin. For some reason, Jeno feels different. Like a turning point.
A turning point is lying back on his messy, unmade bed and watching Jeno peel layer after layer of clothing off himself, throat dry and heart pounding in his chest. Chenle opens his legs when Jeno climbs on the bed, crawling towards him like a sexy cat, gazes locked and mouth curled in a secretive smile. Between his legs, Chenle can feel his cock getting fuller the closer Jeno comes, both of his hands finding support on Chenle’s knees.
“You look scared,” Jeno says, a glint of something wicked behind his eyes. His tongue peeks out to lick over his lower lip, and Chenle chokes.
“I’m not,” he says. It’s a lie. Right now, Chenle feels much like prey, cornered as his predator hovers, and prepares to pounce. It’s comical how nervous this Jeno renders him.
“I’ll only bite if you want me to,” Jeno says, cheeky. He lowers himself, face level with Chenle’s crotch, fingers exploring the insides of his thighs. The only beam of light venturing into the room comes from outside, the flimsy curtains pushed out to welcome the moonlight. It shines on Jeno’s back, smooth and already glistening with a thin layer of sweat from their walk. Chenle wants to rub his palms all over the expanse, wants to bury his face on his skin, and have Jeno’s scent engraved into his brain.
A kiss on his inner thigh, soft and moist, and Chenle groans. He entwines his fingers with Jeno’s hair and pulls.
Jeno’s head jerks back, he watches Chenle with heavy lids. A couple of seconds fly by, and he squeezes at Chenle’s thigh, tentatively. Chenle doesn’t pull again.
“Can I see you?” Jeno asks, fingers already padding too close to the waistband of Chenle’s briefs. He can only nod.
Jeno pulls his underwear down, and Chenle’s cock springs free, resting on his belly over his shirt. For a while, Jeno just stares. Then, he looks back up at Chenle and asks, “Can I put you in my mouth?”
Something tightens in Chenle’s chest, excitement at the prospect of having someone blow him, maybe. He mumbles a quick ‘yes’, and Jeno wastes no time in licking a fat stripe from the base to the tip, moaning as his mouth closes around Chenle’s glans.
Maybe it’s the Jeno factor, but Chenle has never had someone put their mouth on his cock like that. Wet, messy, noisy, and so purposefully it’s a spectacle in itself. The way Jeno grabs him at the base, sliding his open mouth from top to bottom, tongue teasing at the underside—
Chenle moans, and Jeno understands that as an encouragement noise. He licks his way back to the tip and suckles. Just having Jeno’s mouth on his cock is enough to send Chenle over the edge, but he holds back. He curls his toes inwards and pulls at Jeno’s hair, hoping it would slow him down a bit or something, but what he gets is the complete opposite. Jeno takes him fully into his mouth, hands tightening around Chenle’s thighs.
The combination of Jeno’s plush lips and his wet, warm mouth are enough to drive Chenle absolutely insane. He thrusts once into Jeno’s warmth, and his cock twitches, releasing everything down Jeno’s throat.
They haven’t been here for more than five minutes, and Chenle did nothing but gawk and come faster than Superman going around the globe.
And then Jeno goes and says, “That was quick.”
Chenle can’t even look at him.
“Shut the fuck up.”
He glares at the ceiling, then throws his forearm over his eyes. His whole face tingles, and he can actually hear Jeno snicker.
“Come on, don’t be like that. I happen to be really good at head, you never stood a chance.”
So fucking embarrassing. As if it weren’t already enough that Chenle isn’t nearly as experienced as Jeno seems to be at the sex department, he had to come two minutes in like a high schooler. He shuts his eyes closed.
“We can take a nap,” Jeno offers, gently. “Do you wanna take a nap?”
What Chenle wants is to die, actually, but a nap sounds good. A nap will certainly make him forget.
He opens a single eye and looks down at Jeno. “You promise to be real quiet?”
“You can gag me if you want,” Jeno says. Of course, he does. He’s a menace. Chenle can hardly believe his fourteen-year-old self was right. Jeno is dangerous. He cannot be trusted.
Groaning, he turns on his side, back to Jeno, who, of course, cackles madly. “Sorry. That was out of line.” He scoots closer to Chenle and wraps an arm around his waist, lodging his face into Chenle’s nape. Jeno is naked, and his hardness presses into the skin of Chenle’s ass.
He turns again, facing Jeno, who has both of his eyes wide open.
“Are you okay?” Jeno asks. Chenle clears his throat and looks down. Jeno follows his line of sight and finds his own hardness, slowly deflating. He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m totally fine.”
“I should return the favor,” Chenle says, and Jeno frowns in response.
“That’s not something you’re required to do. I sucked you off because I wanted to, you don’t have to do anything in return.”
“Still,” Chenle mumbles. He feels silly and so young. How did it come to this? He was sure he had the upper hand in this relationship. As it happens, the upper hand was lost somewhere along the way. The funny part is that judging by how antsy and nervous Jeno looks, he doesn’t have it either.
With both hands cupping Chenle’s cheeks, Jeno says, “I said I wanted to get to know you, didn’t I? We don’t have to do everything at once.”
Jeno is a sexual person, said Renjun. Chenle isn’t that attuned to his sexual urges. He might not have a lot of them, to be quite honest. The blowjob was nice… Then why does he feel so weird about it? Is it because he came too fast? He certainly didn’t feel this weird about sex with the rommate’s cousin, then why does it feel like this with Jeno? With the first guy, he didn’t have any attachments. The deed was done and Chenle didn’t feel any special about it. He filed it under ‘lukewarm experiences’, decided that sex was definitely overrated, and moved on with his life. That’s not the kind of approach he’s about to have with Jeno, now, is it?
“Sorry,” Chenle says, defeat settling in his gut. “I’m sure that wasn’t what you were expecting.”
Jeno sits up on the mattress, hard eyes on Chenle. “Wait a second,” he says and hops off the bed to collect his underwear. He pulls it on, then sits back on the mattress, legs folded.
“What are you talking about? You didn’t have a good time?”
Alarmed, Chenle is quick to say, “That’s not what I meant! I came too fast, didn’t that tell you anything about how I felt?”
Jeno snorts, moon-eyes smiling at Chenle. “Alright. Then what’s making the cogs in your brain turn so loudly? I can almost hear your thoughts.”
The silence stretches between them, and Jeno’s hand settles on Chenle’s chest. Reassuring.
The problem is how blatantly different they both feel about sex. Jeno is open and unabashed about it, whereas Chenle doesn’t even know if he likes it.
He knows he should say something. He should let Jeno know that he’s up for it. That he wants to explore this thing between them, but he might need a little more time to get used to stuff that Jeno might already be a pro at. He wants everything Jeno is willing to give him.
“I liked it too,” he says, voice slightly shaky. Jeno blinks at him, and Chenle takes a deep breath. “I don’t do it a lot. I should have told you that.”
Jeno shakes his head. He gazes at Chenle with such unveiled fondness that whatever doubt Chenle might have had about Jeno giving up on him flies out the window. “You’re telling me now,” Jeno says. “I meant it when I said I wanted to get to know you, Chenle. I really like hanging out with you, I like being around you. If we happen to suck each other off, then great! But if that’s something you don't want, I don’t mind it either.”
“I want it,” Chenle says.
“But?”
He pauses, then continues, “But, I might need some time to sort myself out.”
Maybe it’s something in his tone, the words he chooses, but Chenle sees the moment realization dawns on Jeno. Chenle did say he had reservations about sex. He might not be entirely aware of what exactly those reservations are, but he knows they’re there. They’ve always been there. He knows he doesn’t feel about love and intimacy the same way other people do, and if he’s doing this with Jeno, then Jeno should know as well.
Soft eyes and an even softer smile, Jeno nods, and says, “Okay. We’ll figure it out.”
There’s truth in Jeno’s words. He’s earnest, and so honest. It’s right then, as Jeno offers him time and patience, that Chenle realizes he wants this — love and intimacy — with Jeno. There’s a fuckton to be figured out, but Chenle thinks if Jeno sticks around, they can figure this out together.
“Really?” He asks, just for good measure.
Jeno smiles. “Really.”
“Even if I make you cry on your birthday and you hide under the stairs?”
Jeno scowls and leaves the room. Chenle laughs, and runs after him.