Chapter Text
Taking time away from James ends up being harder than Regulus expected it to be. A lot harder.
It’s strange when they’re not exactly avoiding each other, but they’re also not on speaking terms. They say good morning to each other at breakfast and Regulus finds it hard to tear his eyes away from the tired expression painted across James’ face. Effie always ruffles James’ hair and asks if he’s alright and he always replies with a tense smile and says that he’s okay. He kisses his mum on the cheek and leaves before Sirius and Regulus do.
Watching James leave every morning was more heart wrenching than Regulus expected. His hair was always as messy as it usually was. Regulus swore he washed it and then ran his hands through it to make it look wild, and Regulus loved it that way even if he didn’t want to admit it. Despite the messy hair and wrinkly t-shirt, he’d leave the house without his smile. Without the cocky grin and bright eyes, it hurt Regulus so bad .
While Regulus knows that it’s not necessarily his fault, he can’t help but wonder if he’s the reason that James has been sad lately. Regulus knows that James tries his best to be in a good mood all the time, no matter how often everybody reminds him that it was okay to be sad if he was feeling sad. James doesn’t like to feel sad, Regulus notes. He rarely forgets his medication because he doesn’t like to be sad, and when he does forget it, he pretends to be okay until he’s not .
And it sucks. It fucking sucks that James doesn’t feel like he can feel . He doesn’t think he can be emotional, doesn’t think he can cry .
Lately, James doesn’t seem to care much about feeling anything.
Regulus can’t help but blame himself for the way James is feeling.
But he truly, truly misses his best friend.
Don’t get him wrong, he loves all of his friends. He does. Hanging out with the girls has been really fun, and he loves going over to Barty’s house with Peter and Evan and playing cards and stupid games like fuck, marry, kill because Evan always insists on playing it. It’s nice to hang out with Sirius and Remus when they watch movies and Remus drags Regulus out of his room occasionally to go out to dinner or so that he can teach Regulus how to drive.
It’s nice. It is. It really is. Regulus enjoys it, he loves to see his friends and hang out with his brother. But he just misses James . He misses him so much. It’s funny, really, how you could miss somebody who you live with. How you could miss somebody when they’re sitting across the table from you. Regulus doesn’t know how it’s even possible, but it is apparently.
It’s been a long day. Between planning out rehearsals and looking over the finances for the musical with McGonagall, numerous exams and a French presentation, Regulus is exhausted . His head is fuzzy, but not in a pleasant way. It feels like there are a ton of flying fuzz balls in his brain, brushing at the surface of his skull and making his eyesight blurry.
Sirius didn’t allow Regulus to walk home, thinking that he’d either freeze to death or pass out from exhaustion. The second one wasn’t exactly a lie, because the second he got to his room, he collapsed on the bed and passed out.
He doesn’t mean to, but he sleeps through dinner and dessert, and he missed that game of chess that Monty promised him, which he was extremely disappointed about. Nevertheless, he drags himself out of bed when he sees that it’s nearly 10:00 p.m. He figures that he should eat something , even if it’s just a little snack, so he slips on a pair of socks and grabs his phone, quietly creeping downstairs until he gets to the kitchen.
It doesn’t take long for Regulus to wind up outside, a pack of poptarts in his hand as he lays on his back on the grass, staring up at the stars. He slept way too long, honestly, and between the amount of stress in his body and the long nap, he knows that he’s not going to sleep tonight.
There’s a poptart in his mouth and he’s munching on it quietly, the sounds of crickets and the wind in his ears as he sticks one arm out, tracing the stars with his index finger.
The stars are bright tonight. Even brighter than they normally are. He almost wants to reach out and touch them, grab them in his hands so that he can keep them around for a little bit of light whenever he needs.
(Granted, he had his little bit of light. He just decided to let it go; he’s not really sure if he hates himself for that or not. He needed the space, but he can’t deny that it hurts .)
Slowly, Regulus traces a small curve over the stars, connecting them like constellations, despite no constellations being present in the moment. He figures that he should make his own constellations, create his own little universe. His own space.
But the sun wouldn’t be there, though.
“You know, you’re going to choke if you eat while you’re laying down.”
Regulus’ stomach jumps and he stops chewing and breathing, but he doesn’t react. He doesn’t blink, doesn’t turn his head, he just snorts.
“Especially if you don’t have a drink.”
Regulus turns his head a little bit to look up, seeing James holding a cup of juice. He’s not too sure what kind it is, but he’s grateful anyway. His cheeks flush a soft pink and a smile tugs at his lips involuntarily when James’ warm eyes meet his own.
Somehow, James always knew exactly what he needed.
“Do you always watch over everybody like a mother hen?” Regulus asks quietly, his voice low and scratchy in his throat as he tries to keep his composure. James just breathes out a laugh and lowers himself on the ground beside where Regulus is laying, placing the cup of juice between them. Regulus turns his head away from James’ looking back up at the sky and pointing at the stars.
The wind blows through his hair again and he slowly blinks his eyes, tracing shapes in the sky again. “I don’t mother hen everybody ,” James chuckles softly, and Regulus raises an eyebrow at him, then blinks incredulously. James scoffs, rolling his eyes. “I just like to make sure that the people I care about are well taken care of.”
Regulus hums, then smiles softly, ignoring the way his stomach flips at the words the people I care about .
It’s no secret that James cares about everybody. To James, it doesn’t matter if he’s known you for twenty seconds or twenty years, he’d absolutely bleed himself dry if it meant that you were well taken care of. He always made sure everybody was warm, well fed, hydrated, and above all, happy .
Regulus wishes that James took care of himself that way.
“Oh,” Regulus laughs breathily. “So I’m somebody you care about?” He teases, and James groans and nudges him with his hand softly.
“You know I care about you.”
Regulus’ eyes soften and he nods, pulling the inside of his cheek into his mouth. He knows. He does. Even if they haven’t been talking, even if he’s been a bit upset with him. He knows that James cares about him.
“I know you do,” Regulus murmurs, picking off a small piece of his poptart and putting it in his mouth. “Do you want some of my poptart?” He offers, holding it out to James, and he watches him shake his head, unruly curls flying everywhere.
They don’t talk for a moment, both of them looking up at the sky and Regulus eating his poptart. It’s nice. Being quiet with James, it’s always nice. Regulus always enjoyed doing nothing with James. Laying around and talking about nothing, laughing at nothing, even just laying there . Doing nothing with James was always fun; doing anything with James was always fun.
“I see you wore my sweatshirt again,” James points out, not looking at Regulus.
Regulus’ cheeks flush embarrassingly and he sighs loudly, dramatically. “I only wear it because it’s warm,” he deadpans, blinking slowly. “Don’t flatter yourself, Potter.”
“Mm,” James nods. “That’s it? Not because it smells like me-“
“Excuse me, you gigantic oaf,” Regulus mutters, a small smirk on his lips. “It doesn’t smell like you anymore. It smells like me ,” he points out, tilting his head back to look up at James, who’s already looking down at him with a soft smile, one arm resting on the ground and the other on his lap.
The soft light from the moon washes over James’ face, the soft yellow accentuating his long eyelashes and high cheekbones. Regulus wants to reach out and touch him, run his fingertips over his cheeks and dimples, gently trace his jaw with his lips, hands, tongue .
Regulus clenches his jaw, his teeth clamping down on his own tongue. He can’t do that. No . He can’t.
But he’s left wondering why James is even out here . It’s almost 10, it’s a school night , and James has too much on his plate to be out this late, even if he’s in his own yard.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Regulus asks, looking away from James and shutting his eyes, facing the sky. He hears James hum in affirmation, and he pouts sympathetically. “What’s wrong?” He asks, his chest pinching and stomach lurching. Worry fills his gut and he hears James let out a soft sigh, which makes his stomach twist again.
James’ breath hitches and Regulus swears that he can hear his heart tearing itself apart. It forces Regulus’ eyes open and he pushes himself up with his elbows, his eyebrows knit together as his eyes flicker across James’ face, trying to find any trace, any sign of how he’s feeling.
“James-“
“I,” James begins, his voice breaking. He takes a shaky breath in order to compose himself and Regulus watches him, watches the rise and fall of his chest. “I miss you. I miss you so much- “
“James,” Regulus breathes out, trying to laugh lightheartedly, but it comes out as a broken noise falling low in his throat. “James, I’m right here. I’m right next to you, it’s okay-“
“I fucked this up so bad.”
Regulus furrows his eyebrows, a confused noise leaving his mouth. “You didn’t fuck anything up, James. What are you talking about?” He asks, his voice rough and shaky. He doesn’t even know why, but his hands begin to shake and he feels his throat tightening up.
James sits up straight, his hands scrubbing over his face and he rubs one hand over his mouth. He doesn’t look at Regulus, he stares right up at the sky and blinks slowly. Regulus can see one tear falling down his cheek, shining in the moonlight.
He swears that the moon is in him, in his tears, in his blood. The sun comes out during the day when people are awake, alive. The moon is out when people are asleep, resting. People don’t think that the sun and moon can coexist. They think that if the sun is out, then the moon can’t be. But that’s not true. If the moon is out, then the sun can’t be. The sunlight brightens the moon, and the moon exists to give people a break - to give the sun a break. The moon and the sun aren’t opposites, but counterparts. James is the sun, the moon, the stars, the planets, everything in the galaxy . But even the sun needs a break sometimes. The sun needs to rest, it needs to relax.
James needs a break.
“I shouldn’t have kissed Kristina. I don’t even like Kristina, I didn’t - I didn’t - I don’t know why I did it. Fuck, I broke up with her this morning and I - fuck - I feel like shit because I wasn’t even sad about that . I wasn’t even upset over her,” James rants, his words fumbling over each other and his breathing is picking up. Regulus wants to reach over, wants to touch him. He wants to calm him down, but he’s really not sure if his touch is wanted or not. “I didn’t - I wanted to ask you to come to the party with me and I - I just got so fucking scared ,” he whimpers, his hands clenching and unclenching erratically on his thighs.
At this point, Regulus is holding his breath. He can’t breathe, he’s not . He doesn’t want to. He needs to hear that James has to say and he feels like it’s going to fucking suffocate him. “What are you afraid of?” Regulus breathes out shakily, his voice cracking. “James, you have nothing to be afraid of, not with me-“
“I’m terrified of hurting you,” James whispers. “I’m - I’m scared that - that I’m going to - to drive you away because I get so upset sometimes and I - I don’t know if you’d actually like me, if you’d want to stay ,” he explains, his fingers digging into his thighs. “I’m - I,” he swallows thickly.
“I feel like I’m already so, so attached to you and I just - you know how important you are to me and I’m just - I’m fucking scared , Reg,” James whimpers, clenching his jaw. “I’m scared that if - if I fall in love with you even more than I already have, I’m going to do something to drive you away and or I’m going to get hurt because - because what if you get so tired of me that you don’t want to be around me anymore and-“
“Okay, okay,” Regulus cuts him off, sitting up properly and reaching over, placing one hand on James’ cheek. “Breathe, James. Okay? Breathe. You’re alright, yeah? You need to breathe. You’re rambling and working yourself up, so I need you to breathe. Come here, okay?” Regulus instructs gently, scooting a little bit closer.
“I - but,” James starts, and he cuts himself off with a shaky breath. “Reg-“
“It’s okay,” Regulus says, moving even closer . “James, it’s okay, okay?” He repeats, getting up on his knees and albeit clamoring over to James, trying to get on his lap to be closer, closer, closer .
In the process, his knee knocks over the cup of juice James brought out for him, causing James to yelp and scramble far away from the juice with a cackle, one of his legs slipping off the edge of the pool, his arms grasping onto the ground for dear life.
Of course this happens to James and Regulus when they’re trying to have a moment.
But Regulus can’t even find it in him to be mad about it, he can’t even find it in him to scowl as his lap dampens with sticky fruit punch while it spreads across the floor. He’s laughing so hard that he’s doubled over, his hands on his stomach and his eyes clenched shut, hearing James giggling despite being nearly in the pool at this point.
“I was trying to confess my love for you,” Regulus snorts out, covering his mouth and opening his eyes to look at James, who is slowly, slowly slipping into the pool, his hands scrambling at the floor to keep himself out of the water. Regulus wheezes, getting on his knees again and crawling over to where James is, then bending down until his elbows are on the ground in front of himself, his face right next to James’.
A quiet noise of surprise falls from James’ lips and Regulus feels his nose brush against James’, making a small laugh fall from his mouth. “You kind of confessed your love for me like, last month,” James whispers softly, and Regulus is nearly going cross eyed as he tries to look James in the eyes, his heart beating hard in his chest.
“I take it back,” Regulus teases, his eyes flickering between James’ quickly, trying his hardest to look into both of his eyes, but it honestly looks like James has one eye and it’s making it hard for Regulus to not laugh right in his face. “If I start laughing about you looking like Mike from Monsters Inc. , will you fall in the pool?” he asks, trying to hold back his laughter.
James sighs heavily, slowly shutting his eyes and lifting his chin a bit, rubbing his nose against Regulus’ again. Regulus scrunches his nose up, a laugh bubbling out of his throat and spilling right onto James’ mouth. James, being the giggly person he is, laughs along with him.
And then there’s a splash and a squeal, and Regulus is laughing even harder than he was before when James breaks through the surface of the water, his hair matted to his forehead, his glasses floating in front of him as he spits water out of his mouth and wipes his so that chlorine doesn’t get in his eyes.
The absurdity of this situation is bringing pure light to Regulus’ heart and he can’t help but reach out, grabbing James’ collar and pulling him to the edge of the pool, his brain going fuzzy and his stomach feeling like an absolute zoo got released in it. James hums, pressing close to him, and Regulus hears the water moving when he gets closer.
Regulus breathes out slowly, chuckling, and he brings his hands up to James’ cheeks, palms cupping his face and fingers pressing into his jaw. “James,” he begins. “I’m not going to hurt you, okay? I’m never going to hurt you, I’m not going to leave you. Not for being sad, not for being upset, not for crying, none of that,” he pauses, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his nose. He feels James’ skin heat up under his lips and it makes him smile so hard his cheeks hurt.
James looks up at him hopefully, his eyes shiny and bright with a glint of hope that reminds Regulus of a child asking for a pinky promise and he just wants to wrap him up and hold him in his arms for an eternity. “I don’t want to scare you away,” he croaks. Regulus shakes his head, cupping his face a bit harder, squeezing his cheeks together. “I don’t want to-“
“James, baby,” Regulus starts slowly, pressing soft kisses on his nose and underneath his eyes. He feels James squirming under his touch and he holds him in place, peppering the kisses softly onto his cheekbones. James whines and tries to pull away, but Regulus pulls him closer. “I’m right here, okay? I’m staying here, I’m not going anywhere,” he whispers into his cheek, pressing slow kisses onto the skin there.
“Your lips are dry,” James groans, but Regulus can feel a dimple poking into James’ cheek and he kisses it repeatedly, making James laugh as he tries to pull away again. “Regulus,” James whines, dragging out the end of his name, and Regulus pulls away finally, a soft smile on his lips as the fluttering in his stomach increases.
Pulling back, Regulus smiles softly, his face mere centimeters away from James’ as he runs his thumbs across the highest point on James’ cheekbones, his eyes soft when he watches James’ eyelashes flutter and his lips part.
“I don’t think you understand,” Regulus whispers, his voice a bit rough. James chuckles, leaning closer and pressing his forehead against Regulus’.
“I’m a dumb jock,” James jokes, and Regulus snorts and shakes his head. “You have to explain most things to me,” he murmurs, his hands coming to rest on Regulus’ thighs, fingers pressing into his legs. “What don’t I understand?” He asks, voice innocent and soft and Regulus thinks he’s going to fall into the fucking pool.
Regulus hums, pressing his lips to James’ nose again and slowly shutting his eyes, holding James’ face firmly in his palms. “I’d steal Saturn’s rings if it meant making you happy,” Regulus whispers. “I’d do anything for you, actually. If I could capture the stars, I’d give them to you. I can’t even think about anything other than you, god James. You’ve completely infiltrated every fiber of my soul and I think I’m going insane. I’m a bit stupid over you, you know?” Regulus murmurs.
James laughs breathily, his hands resting on top of Regulus’ wrists gently. “You can’t steal yourself out of the sky, now can you?” He asks, and Regulus hums in confusion. “You’re… You’re like, all of the stars. You’re all of them, all of the little explosions of fire in the sky. You know that? Even if you’re not with me, you’re still there. I can hear you, see you, fuck , Reg. When you’re not with me, I can still feel you.”
Regulus thinks his heart is going to jump out of his chest.
“Yeah?” He breathes out softly.
James nods.
“I think I want to feel you all the time,” James says. “I want to be like this forever. This close. All the time, I just want to be next to you. I don’t even want to see anything else but you.”
“Well,” Regulus snorts. “You can’t exactly see anything else but me right now because you don’t have your glasses on,” he points out, smiling as he leans in and presses another gentle kiss to James’ cheek. “But I appreciate the sentiment, Shakespeare.”
James falls silent, the only noises surrounding them being the sounds of their breathing, the crickets, and the water moving slightly.
Then there are hands on Regulus’ arms and before he has a chance to protest, his body is in the cold, cold water and he squeals, grabbing onto James’ neck tightly, wrapping his legs around his waist as quickly as he can before he sinks. His stomach, however, does sink, and he holds onto James so tight he thinks he’s going to cut off his oxygen, but James might be doing it on his own with the peals of laughter spilling from his mouth.
“I fucking hate you,” Regulus nearly growls, gently slapping James on the back of the head, and James cackles, throwing his head back. Regulus narrows his eyes at James, bringing his hands up to James’ hair and tangling his fingers in the curly strands, pulling ever so gently just because he can .
He watches the way James’ eyes flutter shut and how his lips part. Regulus’ eyes sparkle mischievously and he holds onto James tightly with one arm, the other hand snaking back around his head and coming to cup his jaw, the pad of his thumb brushing the soft skin of his bottom lip. Regulus examines his mouth, watching the way the plush skin bounces when he pulls it down with his thumb and traces the soft wrinkles.
Neither of them notice that they’re slowly drifting closer to each other, Regulus’ ankles hooking behind James’ waist and James’ fingers wrapped tightly around the skin of his thighs, nearly gripping his arse. James exhales, a quiet whine falling from his lips as Regulus scrapes his nail against his bottom lip again.
“Can I kiss you?” Regulus murmurs quietly, his chest thumping wildly and his head feeling pleasantly fuzzy.
James makes him feel intoxicated in the best way.
A weak chuckle falls out of James’ mouth and he whispers, “I think I’m going to die if you don’t kiss me.”
Regulus hums thoughtfully, leaning in slowly to kiss the corner of his lips. James lets out a soft noise and Regulus smirks triumphantly. “Maybe I shouldn’t kiss you-“
“Oh, fuck you. You’re a fucking dick,” James whines, trying to lean up and kiss Regulus, but Regulus pulls away again and coos mockingly, stroking the side of James’ face with the back of his index finger. “Don’t patronize me.”
“But you’re so bloody precious when you’re frustrated.”
“And you’re so fucking annoying when you’re being a tease,” James grumbles, walking both of them over to the wall and placing Regulus on the edge of the pool and tilting his chin up, his lips puckered up and his eyes soft and wanting.
It’s hard to say no to James when he looks so, so, so inviting. He looks so kissable, so soft, so beautiful .
And he just breaks .
Regulus tangles both hands in James’ hair, pulling him as close as possible and pressing his lips firmly against his, feeling a rush of relief and fuzziness washing through his body. He tightens his legs around James’ waist, one of his legs hiking up his back a little bit and dragging him impossibly closer, almost trying to meld his body into James’, mix their souls .
Kissing James is a soft, gentle press of the lips. It’s warm and sweet and Regulus presses his lips closer, parting his lips and guiding James’ head to the side so that he can press his nose into James’ cheek. A pleased hum falls from James’ mouth and Regulus feels James’ tongue nudging his mouth open wider.
It feels like there are a million different things happening at once in Regulus’ chest. His heart feels like it’s going to fall out of his body, his face is burning so hot that he’s sure he’s on fire, and his arms are fucking shaking . Every nerve on his body feels like it’s going to bloody burst and he’s going to explode , and oh , James’ tongue is pressing into his mouth now, tracing the back of his teeth, the roof of his mouth, almost like he’s trying to map Regulus’ mouth out with his tongue, keep the memory in his own body.
Involuntarily, Regulus lets out a quiet noise into James’ mouth and James squeezes his thighs in response, then lifts one hand off of his thigh, snaking it underneath the back of his shirt and curling his fingers, allowing his fingernails to scratch softly at the skin there. Another soft noise falls from Regulus’ lips and he arches his back, his chest pressing into James’ as he pulls away from the kiss, pressing soft kisses against James’ cheeks, slowly moving his lips down to his jaw.
“Reg,” James breathes out, his head falling back as Regulus darts his tongue out and softly traces his jaw with the tip of his tongue before pressing wet, open mouthed kisses down the side of his neck. “Reg. Regulus,” James croaks weakly, letting out a quiet moan when Regulus nips at his neck.
“Yes, baby?” Regulus replies easily, the pet name rolling off of his tongue like he’s been saying it for years. It’s easy with James. It’s always easy with James. “What is it?” He asks, biting softly on a spot on James’ neck before kissing it, then trailing his lips back up to meet James’ again in a deep kiss, their tongues meeting immediately.
James pulls back a moment later, and Regulus whines, trying to drag him closer, but James lets out a laugh and breathes out, “Regulus, love, wait.” Regulus freezes, untangling his legs from James’ waist and flushing in embarrassment, his eyes wide as he pulls back and blinks at James. James seems to take note of this immediately and he chuckles, reaching out to stroke Regulus' cheek and it relaxes him in an instant.
“Fuck, I’m sorry-“
“No, no,” James chuckles, shaking his head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Regulus blinks in confusion, tilting his head. “It’s just - what if my mom comes outside and sees me making out with you with my tongue down your throat while I’m grabbing your ass?”
Regulus wheezes, his forehead falling onto James’ at the thought and he leans in, pressing a chaste kiss to James’ mouth before pulling back fully, then scooting away from James and pushing himself up. “Shouldn’t we go to my room, then?” Regulus asks coyly, and James’ face flushes.
“Oh,” James breathes out weakly, sinking into the water and floating on his back. Regulus shakes his head, his hand coming up to his forehead. “Oh, you’re going to fucking kill me. I’m going to die. This is where I die,” he whispers dramatically, floating around the pool in a fashion that makes Regulus throw his head back, guffawing.
“Just get your glasses and let’s go change,” Regulus sighs heavily. “We can snog and cuddle and you can sleep in my bed,” he smiles. “I’ll even be the big spoon tonight,” he offers temptingly, wiggling his eyebrows, and James albeit squeals and swims across the pool to get his floating glasses out of the water.
-
Squealing and kicking his legs.
That’s all Regulus has been doing since he walked into Remus’ house. Hope walks past the living room twice to ask if he’s okay, and Sirius replies that he’s just being dramatic. Regulus can’t even find it in him to care as he smothers his face in a pillow so that he can scream again, rolling over onto his stomach and pushing his face into the soft material, his legs kicking behind him gleefully.
“I feel like I’ve just entered the twilight zone,” Pandora whispers, and Regulus doesn’t even have the negative energy in his body to flip her off, he just giggles and rolls onto his back, kicking his legs again and covering his face.
Regulus. Snogged. James. Potter.
They kissed . Properly kissed. Snogged on Regulus’ bed and laughed into each other’s mouths when James bit Regulus’ lip too hard and caused it to bleed.
They fell asleep together, foreheads pressed together and fingers intertwined. When they woke up, Regulus was wrapped around James’ back, his face in the crook of his neck and a head of curls in his mouth and he just feels so bloody giddy right now.
“We kissed,” Regulus giggles happily, his hands on his face as he rolls around on the floor. “He kissed me. We kissed and then we fell asleep together. He kissed me! James, James Potter -“
“What happened to you wanting to choke him?” Mary mutters, and Regulus just knows that she’s rolling her eyes. He giggles and shakes his head.
He wonders what happened to that feeling also. He wonders when it started slipping, when the irritation slowly blended into infatuation. When the infatuation blended into affection . He doesn’t even care , honestly. This just feels so fucking good .
Evan snorts, and says, “Reg wants to choke him with something else , now - ouch! Lily, what the hell?!” He squeaks, and Regulus lifts his head to see him slapping her on the arm, to which Mary responds with a cold glare and an arched eyebrow.
“Are you guys, like, properly going out now?” Sirius asks, shifting a little bit until his head is resting on Remus’ thigh, and Regulus feels a fluttery feeling in his stomach, his nose scrunching up as he nods.
“Yeah,” he breathes out. “Yeah we are. We’re going out.”
“Fucking finally ,” Pandora groans, and Regulus scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he can’t seem to wipe the smile off of his face.
It feels like he’s been dipped in honey and wrapped in gold. He swears that he’s never felt this warm and bright and whole in his life.