Chapter Text
It’s fucking scary to love someone.
It’s scary and it hurts and feel like if they so much as turn away from you, you will fucking evaporate into dust, the epitome of solipsism.
You want them to stay, to always have their fingers intertwined with yours, a promise that they will stay by your side no matter what.
But the truth, Stu knew, was in the fact that people leave. They get bored, and they grow, and they die , and they leave.
It wasn’t just about romance.
Stu couldn’t give less of a shit about putting labels on something so vast, so all-encompassing it could never be packed away into a red box of chocolates with a ribbon on it.
When people said ‘romance’, they meant good looks, and nice habits, and undivided attention, and flawless make up first thing in the morning and obligatory Instagram selfies and words lifted right out of a shitty cheap novel –
Trading hearts at the market, assigning value to affection – how much can I get for what I give you in return?
And love wasn’t like that.
It wasn’t fucking like that, and Stu hated it when people couldn’t just. See it .
Love is so fucking fragile. Your friends could drop you at any second, your favourite uncle would eventually die, you could lose anyone at any given fucking second.
And you can’t stop it, no matter how much devotion you throw at them. No matter how much you kneel, no matter how much you beg – sometimes, things just end.
And Stu didn’t want this to end.
Couldn’t have this end.
Wouldn’t bear to see this end.
They were laying down in his bed, staring at the stars and galaxies in each other’s eyes.
Tears came on suddenly, like a hot spring flowing through the cracks of dry earth.
It hurt to be scared. It hurt to know that some day, Billy could just. Leave.
“Stu? Are you okay?” Billy’s brow furrowed. He propped himself up on his elbow, leaning over.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s just –” Stu’s voice shook harder than his whole body, “It’s just – it will hurt so motherfucking much when you leave, Billy.”
Billy’s expression turned confused. “What are you talking about?”
Stu sniffled. “You know, everything good eventually ends. Everything eventually ends.”
Billy laid back down, bringing his face closer to Stu’s. He sighed.
“Yeah.”
Stu’s face twisted with barely contained sobs.
Billy brought his hand up, rubbing Stu’s skin gently, as if to caress the hurt expression away.
“But that’s what makes everything so much more precious.”
They stayed silent.
“I love your smile,” he said, gently caressing Stu’s cheek, “And I love your eyes and,” he planted a tender kiss on Stu’s dry lips, “you.”
Stu felt his heart clench with fear.
But if not now, when…?
“I love you too, Billy.”
Billy smiled, the warmth of it reaching his glimmering eyes.
Neither of them needed to specify it wasn’t romantic.
It just was.
The galaxy spun around them, endless glimmer of make-belief stars shining their light on the two of them.
Billy’s heart was full though he knew that one day, it would end.
Of course it would end, just like all things did, inevitably, but for now, it didn’t matter.
Right in this very moment, they were there, together, holding each other close, the ruffled feathers of their souls soft on their hearts.
Outside, the birds have begun singing their first song of the day, greeting the breaking dawn.
And the world sang with them.
Maple syrup
Coffee, pancakes for two
Hash brown, egg yolk
I will always love you
Should we just keep driving?