Work Text:
Moodboard by me
I’m only doing this to protect Tae.
That’s what Jeongguk’s been saying ever since he set foot outside his house, headed for his best friend’s brother’s office. He and Namjoon had never been on good terms. Nam had always criticized him for the kind of life he led, too low-level for two like him and Taehyung. Jeongguk, on the other hand, didn"t hate Namjoon for what he stood for, nor for the money he had and that he would never have, otherwise he would have to hate his brother as well. No, Jeongguk hated him for the stupid ideas in his head, for the prejudices he had and that were impossible to eradicate from his soul.
It wasn"t easy to live in a world in which he found himself repeatedly clashing with a man like Kim Namjoon, but for Taehyung he would do anything, even enduring the stupid idiocy of his brother.
Now he was there, in the hall of the building where Namjoon worked, wearing his leather jacket and waiting for the elevator to reach the ground floor. He was nervous, of course. He knew that as soon as he set foot in his office, the blond would look at him with outrage, probably wondering what a guy like him was doing in a place like that. Jeongguk would endure, as usual, for Tae’s sake.
His friend, in fact, was getting into something that was bigger than him, something he probably couldn’t handle without the help of expert minds. Jeongguk didn"t understand anything of love and certainly Namjoon was no less, but while he understood nothing even about the law and miscellaneous technicalities, his enemy did. He didn"t know other lawyers to whom he could appeal who didn"t require money in return. What’s more, it wasn’t about helping him, but Taehyung. Namjoon would never ask him for a penny for his brother.
He entered the elevator as soon as the doors opened, immediately pressing the button that would take him to the floor he was headed for. As the elevator rose higher and higher, taking him to the thirtieth floor of that high flat, Jeongguk stopped to admire the landscape that could be seen from the glass wall that overlooked the outside. He didn"t often visit Namjoon, but those rare times he had been there he was always fascinated by the huge expanse of green that could be admired from there. The park that extended to the base of that building was immense. He had often taken his dog to play there, when she was still alive. The huge spaces really allowed you to do anything there. Jeongguk sometimes looked at that place nostalgically. Others simply smiled, thinking of the good memories he had there with Bora, his dog.
It was the sound of the doors opening that made him return to reality, removing from his head the image of his dog running behind the bone he threw.
«Jeongguk» the brunette turned, finding himself in front of Kim Namjoon in all his splendor. He hated him, he hated that he was so beautiful that hurt. «What the hell are you doing here?»
«I have to talk to you.»
Namjoon looked at him from head to toe, judging him for the umpteenth time from his clothes, his ripped jeans, his leather jacket and the tattoo that sprouted under his shirt, lurking on one side of his neck.
«I told you a thousand times not to come here dressed like this.»
«I don’t give a shit what you tell me» Jeongguk got out of the elevator, passed him and walked to his office"s door without waiting for a reply. He entered the room, going to sit in the leather chair on the opposite side of the lawyer’s session.
«Moderate the language» the blond hissed, entering the room and closing the door behind him. «You never change.»
«Neither do you» the brunette spit, staring at the other as he lifted his feet on the desk. «You always look at me with that stockfish air.»
«Feet down from my desk.» Namjoon took a couple of steps forward, staring furiously at his gaze.
«As if I were the wrong one.»
Namjoon narrowed his eyes. «Maybe you are the wrong one.»
Jeongguk moved his legs and snapped to his feet, grabbing Namjoon by the collar of his shirt.
«Listen to me, you piece of shit. Hate me, if it makes you feel better, but I didn’t come here to talk about us.»
«Strange» it was Nam who took control this time, shoving Jeongguk and locking him against the wall. «You like talking about yourself so much.»
«You don’t know shit about me» Jeongguk tried to free himself, but Namjoon’s legs were stuck between his and his arms were trapping him against the wall. Fuck Namjoon . If he was going to behave like that, he would help Taehyung on his own. «And I didn’t come here to argue, not today. So... Can we talk about this as mature people?»
Namjoon walked away slowly, giggling, almost as if he wanted to mock what he had just said, almost as if someone like Jeongguk couldn"t be as mature as he was. This was what the lawyer couldn"t understand: the maturity of a person, his good heart, his kindness or in general the way of behaving of a man shouldn"t be based on the way of dressing or lifestyle. Jeongguk could be as good and intelligent as Namjoon, if only he would ever let him show it to him.
Jeongguk didn"t take up the provocation, he let Namjoon laugh at him and then calm down.
«It’s Taehyung» he admitted, returning to his seat. «He’s dating people I don’t like.»
«I don’t like you , and yet I don’t force him not to see you.»
«I grew up with the two of you» Jeongguk blurted, unable to stop himself. «I grew up calling you hyung until you decided I couldn’t do it anymore, so forgive me if I think it’s not the same at all.»
Namjoon stood for a few seconds staring at the boy in front of him, before taking courage and sitting by his side, sighing.
«What did Tae do?»
Jeongguk appreciated that momentary attempt at reconciliation. It would have been enough for him to protect his friend, then Namjoon could have resumed to despise him as he did every day of his life.
«He’s seeing a girl.»
Namjoon lifted his shoulders.
«I didn’t know, but I don’t see anything wrong with it anyway.»
«She is an adult. Very adult. And she has three children.»
Namjoon stared at him for a few seconds, unable to understand what the brunette was saying to him. Woman... adult? Three children? What the hell was his brother getting into?
«It wouldn’t even be a problem, except that her husband died less than a year ago. He committed suicide after losing everything. He’s bankrupt, Namjoon.»
«And Taehyung is from a wealthy family and naive enough to be fooled very easily» the elder concluded for both of them.
«I didn’t even want to get into this story, but Tae seems to be serious and... I’m worried.»
Namjoon sighed, he got up and started walking back and forth around the room, as he always did when he had to think about something. He was certainly taking his time, trying to figure out how to act as a brother and, where needed, also as a lawyer and protector of the Kim’s family assets.
«You did the right thing by coming to me. Thank you, Jeongguk.»
The heart of the youngest did a somersault in the chest. Fortunately, Jeongguk had learned to control emotions much earlier or at least not to bring them up in the presence of people who didn"t deserve to see the real him. And among them was Namjoon.
Jeongguk nodded, getting up and going to the door. He had already entered the elevator and was about to breathe a sigh of relief, ready to let the doors close behind him, when the elder hand stopped him, lingering on his shoulder.
«I never wanted you to stop calling me hyung.» Jeongguk forced the tear that was asking for his permission to slip on his cheek to back off. The conversation they were about to engage in was too painful. «And I never wanted you to stray from me.»
«But you did» the youngest hissed, without finding the courage to turn around and look him in the eyes. Behind them the sound of the elevator doors closing, but no one seemed intent on pressing the ground floor button. «It was you who distanced yourself, not me. It was you who told me that I was not enough for you or your brother, to judge me for the leather jacket and some tattoos as if these frivolities influenced my person.» Jeongguk stopped before the voice could betray him, before he could crack and show Namjoon his true weakness: Namjoon himself. He had always been his weak point, the one that broke the brunette in two with every crooked look, every comment in which he felt unfit. Jeongguk had only ever wanted to be loved by him, was it so wrong? «Maybe you just need a good fuck.»
Namjoon grabbed him by the wrist and made him turn around, forcing him to collide with his back against one of the cold and dark walls. Now they were incredibly close, too close . Jeongguk could feel his heart pounding in his chest so hard that he feared the boy in front of him could feel it too, especially if he kept coming so close.
« I need a good fuck» whispered Namjoon, the low and hoarse voice reverberated in every corner of the youngest body, inside every bone and under every inch of skin. «In my opinion you need it at this moment.» He came very close.
Jeongguk was now immobilized between the metal wall and Nam’s mighty, tall body that stood over him. Their basins collided to the point that Jeongguk was ashamed of the erection that had just grown between his legs and that surely the blond could feel through the thin fabric of his pants. But he couldn’t let Namjoon understand his discomfort. Not because he was ashamed of his excitement, but because he was the one who caused it. And it wasn’t even the first time. Over the years, Jeongguk had often found himself with bigger problems than he had to solve and the main cause was always his best friend’s brother. He hated that situation. He hated that Namjoon attracted him so much that he was sick, he hated the thought that just being in the same room as the blond could have an erection to watch him and to admire how beautiful he was in his always different suits.
Even that day was a suit he’d never seen in years. He had one of his usual neutral shirts and a beautiful purple jacket with matching trousers on it. He also looked great in a color that wasn"t quite usual and Jeongguk hated him for that, too. He hated him because he couldn’t really hate him, because he enchanted him with his always different, beautiful and elegant clothes. He hated him for the features of his face, so angelic but at the same time perfect, at least in his eyes. He hated him for the way he smiled at his brother and that he would never turn to him and for all the times he had tried to get closer but the blond had treated him like shit.
But what Jeongguk felt was not true hatred, it was something else, another feeling that used hatred to mask wounds. What Jeongguk felt was much purer, simpler, sweeter than hate could ever have been. Maybe he could even approach love, maybe .
After all, Jeongguk, Namjoon and Taehyung had grown up together. They had experienced ups and downs, like everyone else. They had learned to know each other, appreciate each other, understand each other. But there is a point in life, a very specific point, where you have to learn to stop being children and start understanding the adult world. And it’s not that simple, not when you’re Jeon Jeongguk or Kim Namjoon. The only one who managed to maintain a stable relationship with the two, without prejudice or disagreement, was Taehyung. When his brother entered the adult world, however, things were turned upside down. Namjoon had to maintain the good name of the family, administer their money and at the same time keep up the lawyer career he had chosen and fought for. He got it. But there could have been ways and ways to deal with the situation and Namjoon had used the only one who had shattered the heart of the only person who would ever love him.
«I hate you» Jeongguk spit out. «I hate you for everything you’ve done to me and that you do to me every day.»
«Do you hate me, hmm?» Namjoon put his fingers under his face, raising it just enough for their longing-soaked looks to collide. «Strange, those who hate me generally don’t get excited standing next to me.»
Jeongguk just stared at him. He wanted to answer, say something, anything, but his brain couldn’t cooperate. All he had in his mind was Namjoon, his wonderful perfume and his voice so particular that he had just knocked him out. He didn’t even realize he was holding his breath when the blond came close and remained one millimeter from his lips.
«You can hide from whoever you want, Jeongguk. But not from those who have known you all your life.»
Namjoon kissed him. Jeongguk couldn’t say exactly how or when it happened. All he knew was that one minute the eldest was mocking him and the next one their lips collided, going into a real tango. A passionate dance, sometimes confused, rude and never gentle. A dance that was taking both of them pass the point of no return, but neither seemed to mind. Not as long as the teeth were sinking into the lips, the tongues were intertwined sparingly and the willows mixed as if it were a natural thing, as if it had been happening all my life. That was the exact place they wanted to live forever. That, at least, was what Jeongguk thought.
Namjoon didn"t, probably, since he suddenly walked away leaving Jeongguk confused, with his hair out because of his hands that had passed through it and his lips swollen for what had just happened. He moved to the side of the elevator as if nothing had happened, fixed the purple tie around his neck and then pressed the button on the ground floor.
The youngest couldn"t even find the strength to breathe, he felt his eyes burning in an attempt to block the tears that threatened to come down, His lungs burn as he tried to remember how to breathe and his heart break for the umpteenth time, while Namjoon took him and did again what he wanted of him.
At that moment, Jeongguk felt used, as did his feelings. Taking advantage of love, after all, is always child’s play.
He didn’t know what Nam was thinking at the time, nor why he kissed him, but he knew that if Jeongguk wanted that kiss from so much time, for the other it was just a game, the whim of the moment. He then lowered his head and remained silent until the elevator started to move again and then abruptly stopped shortly thereafter.
«What happens?» he asked, masking the pain in his voice.
Namjoon didn"t answer, not with words. His movements as he moved towards him were lightning. The youngest felt the other’s hands end up on his hips and draw him to him with force, while Jeongguk let him do it, too weak to escape the touch of that man. Their tongues clashed again, as the basin of the elder repeatedly touched the other’s, making him feel in what state he had reduced him.
Because the truth is that they were both too stupid to admit their feelings to each other, to look each other in the eye and say: «It’s not that I hate you. It’s that I love you and so I have to pretend to hate you.» It would have been easier if they had communicated, if instead of hurting each other for years they had spoken and exchanged opinions, words and maybe even promises. The promise to be there and to remain, for example, or the promise to overcome difficulties together, including their economic differences.
Namjoon had always seen in Jeongguk something special, something to preserve. It was what he tried to do all those years: preserve him. As if pulling him away or saying mean things about him would really protect Jeongguk. Yeah, maybe he would have done it on some level. Surely he would protect him from his environment made of money, gossip, tongues, but in doing so who would protect him from Namjoon? Who would have comforted him when Namjoon decided to let him know he was not enough, to be a rejection for the world in which he lived. Who? Certainly the brunette had never confided in Taehyung about it, because he loved both brothers -albeit in different ways- to the point of not wanting to see them quarrel because of him. So he grew up like this: with Taehyung’s love, Namjoon’s hatred and the deafening pain of his broken heart in his chest.
Without having time to oppose, Jeongguk found his chest pressed against the glass of the elevator. They had to be a little further down than the thirtieth floor, still too high for anyone to see what would happen next in that elevator.
«Fuck you» Namjoon muttered, turning his head just enough to start kissing him again. Jeongguk didn’t know whether to be more upset by the swear word -which was nothing like him- or by the fact that their lips were still against each other. With his eyes wide open, the youngest stared at the other who were looking at him as if to challenge him to close them first. Normally, Jeongguk wouldn’t give up. That day, however, in front of the man who was kissing him with as much excitement as he had dreamed for years, he couldn’t resist. His eyes closed and his senses widened, focusing on the sensations he was feeling at the time and forgetting everything else. Namjoon followed him as soon as he felt the younger finally relaxed under his touch. He hoped that, at least for that time, his arms could give him that sense of protection that he had sought for years and that had never been granted.
Jeongguk felt that protection, but refused to lower his defenses completely even as Namjoon moved his hands on the zipper of his jeans and lowered them in a single movement along with his boxers. He should have felt cold, but he was so comfortable in the arms of the eldest that he didn’t care.
«Namjoon.»
«Shut up, Jeongguk.» The youngest felt the other’s cock already erect and free pressing against his buttocks and let a first groan leave his lips while he was still pressed against the transparent wall. «Do it again.»
«W-what.»
«Groan. Groan again.»
Jeongguk moved backwards, though the grip in which he was wrapped allowed him to do so, pressing his butt even more against the other’s dick, while he released a guttural groan against the ear of the youngest.
«I don’t command my verses. And neither do you.»
Namjoon passed an arm around his waist before pushing himself violently into the brunette, without giving him time to prepare for what was happening. This time not only a verse came out of Jeongguk’s lips, but a real and almost choked scream. He closed his eyes, his forehead resting against the glass, while Namjoon began to move inside him without mercy. With every lunge of the eldest, the dark-haired boy’s legs trembled. The verses he had been mumbling about were so filthy that they only turned the man behind him on even more. The eldest one increased the power with each push, until the other’s body began to collide repeatedly against the glass, while his lips ended up kissing his shoulder, then back up to bite his ear.
«Please» Jeongguk whimpered as his head reclined backwards against the shoulder of the eldest. « Please , o-only for today.»
Love me. Just for today, love me.
Nam went down and kissed his now uncovered neck, biting him softly, kissing him, licking him, sucking him. He repeated the process so many times that Jeongguk had now lost count. When Namjoon’s hand closed on the base of the youngest member, he felt imploded.
«Not yet, Kookie.»
Jeongguk almost winced at that nickname he hadn’t heard in years, while Namjoon’s push had begun to be in sync with the movement of his hand.
Namjoon hasn’t called him that way since he decided the youngest didn’t deserve to be an important presence in his life anymore. He hasn’t used that name since he abandoned him and humiliated him several times over the years, making him feel lonely and stupid and heartbroken. And now he was pulling him out again. Why? What was so special about him? A tear fell innocently on his face, while Namjoon stooped to pant against his ear.
«You don’t know how much I wanted you like this.»
Jeongguk’s heart rolled into his chest.
«Like… this?» Compliant? Backwards? Well, that position made things easier. Namjoon should not have looked him in the face and Jeongguk could have cried much more easily without being seen.
«Like mine.»
The youngest couldn’t help himself to those words. He soiled the glass wall with his cum, while Namjoon followed him closely, coming inside him and whispering his name against his skin.
Jeongguk took a second to chase away the few tears he had allowed to peep, before moving away from the elder and lifting up his clothes. Namjoon was still half-naked staring at him, wondering why the other had left so suddenly, almost as if he had been burned.
«Clean up this mess and start this fucking elevator again» Jeongguk cursed, raising his voice. He just wanted to go home right now.
«Why do you do this?» the older man was now looking at him from head to toe, he had softened almost like he was... wounded? No, impossible.
«Have you tried your theory, no? You were right, I needed a fuck. Now move your fucking ass»
Namjoon didn’t wince only because he knew how to control himself, but within himself there was a whirlwind of emotions that he could not give a name to, except for one. The only real feeling he had had towards the youngest and that certainly was not hate as he thought, he could never be.
He dressed himself without giving him any answer, took a tissue from his jacket pocket and removed the cum from the glass the best he could. The rest would be cleaned by those in charge. Jeongguk waited until everything was clean to unlock the elevator and press the ground floor again. He had his arms folded and his gaze fixed on the door, but absent. His thoughts turned to what had just happened. He was wondering if he did the right thing, if letting go was. In Namjoon’s arms he had completely lost his mind and control of every action or thought, he had let himself be carried away and hoped not to regret it, but he had the distinct feeling that it would happen very soon.
«Thank you for listening to me» the youngest muttered, once they reached the ground floor. Namjoon answered, but the other had already disappeared into the crowd that had crowded during those minutes when the elevator had been blocked.
🔥🔥🔥
Jeongguk was going crazy. He had run away, camouflaging himself among the crowd crowded outside the elevators, and then jumped on his motorbike and flew away without even putting on the helmet. He wasn’t crying, no. He was sobbing . For a few minutes he felt like the luckiest person in the world, loved, protected. But then it was all over and he realized that Namjoon didn’t have love for him and certainly didn’t want to protect him. He had been at his own game, letting the eldest take his greatest weakness and exploit it for his own pleasure. Jeongguk wanted not to regret it, he wanted it with all his heart, but he already felt so humiliated .
His motorbike, however, did not seem to want to cooperate. After a few meters it started malfunctioning, forcing him to stop and take it to the roadside, his eyes still full of tears and his face disfigured by the expression of pain he could not erase. He began to walk aimlessly. Any place would be fine at that time, as long as he put as much distance as possible between him and Namjoon. But no place would ever be far enough away from him. He should have known. It was for this, perhaps, that he wasn’t surprised when he felt the warm grip of the man wrapped around his wrist.
Jeongguk struggled. «Let me go.» His voice should have appeared firm but it was definitely too choked at the time.
«Kookie...»
«DON’T CALL ME KOOKIE!» Jeongguk turned to him, showing the blond what he had done, how he had reduced him only for a bit of stupid sex. Fuck Namjoon . «You have always despised me. You have always hated my life and I have accepted it. But to fuck me?» Jeongguk let himself go to another sob. By now his barriers had collapsed. He was alone. Alone and stupid as he had never felt before. And maybe it was time to let the man who caused all that loneliness and suffering know. «Fucking me like that when it’s pretty clear what I feel for you. Everybody knows, even the walls.»
«Kookie...»
«DON’T FUCKING CALL ME KOOKIE.»
«Okay, okay» Namjoon raised his hands in surrender. «Jeongguk.»
The youngest took a step back, passing his hands through his hair as he tried to focus Namjoon with still his blurry sight due to crying.
«I’m so tired, hyung.» It was that whisper, perhaps, that broke Namjoon permanently. He had run after Jeongguk with his car, exceeding the speed limits. If he had a fine to pay, he would have dealt with it later. Now Jeongguk was the only thing that really mattered to him, the only thing that deserved an explanation.
«Jeongguk...»
«Why, hyung?» Jeongguk rubbed his eyes, then planted them in those of the man in front of him. «If only I was as rich as you, we could-»
«Shh» Namjoon took a step forward, his heart pierced in his chest as his hand gently landed against his mouth. If Jeongguk had spoken just one more word, he was sure he would have died from the pain he was causing him. «Money is not a problem, Jeongguk.»
The youngest sobbed once again against his hand, splitting the blond in two. He wanted to take all the pieces of his little Kookie’s heart that he knew he shredded himself in those years. He wanted to put them all back together one by one. And not with glue, but with love.
«Then...» Jeongguk finally found the courage to look at him, while Namjoon slowly moved his hand on his cheek. «Then why don’t you love me?»
The eldest sighed, holding his free hand on his other cheek.
«I tried to love you in my own way.»
«H-humiliating me.»
Jeongguk pulled on his nose and for the first time he saw a tear running through the elder’s face, completely unexpected. What did that tear mean? Maybe he didn’t really hate him like he made him believe all those years?
«I’ve been terrible to you.» Namjoon stepped forward, getting closer to him as the sun had almost completely set behind them. «I told you horrible things, I wanted to protect you from my world but I did nothing but hurt you.»
«So don’t you...» the lips of the youngest trembled for a moment. «Don’t you hate me?»
«Of course not, Kookie.» Namjoon pulled him over and held him tight for seconds, minutes, maybe hours. If it were up to him, they could have been like this for years, in each other’s arms. It was such a familiar, beautiful hold. He felt like home. And that’s what they both wanted for a really, really long time.
🔥🔥🔥
When they had set foot in the hotel suite where Namjoon had been staying for a few days, due to a small short circuit at his house that those in charge were repairing, it was already late at night.
They had spent the last hours cuddling on the grass, Namjoon lying on the verse and Jeongguk leaning his head over his chest while staring at the moon, talking about the past few years. They had discovered so many things that they could have avoided just by talking about it. Jeongguk had discovered that behind Namjoon’s estrangement and questionable ways there was a desire to protect him from a world that would never accept him, and Namjoon had discovered that Jeongguk didn’t mind being accepted by his world, as long as he accepted him. That conversation had been difficult, it had been difficult to retrace all the moments when the words Namjoon had broken the heart of the youngest and the defensive sarcasm of Jeongguk had hurt the eldest. But they had come to the conclusion that, with time, they could overcome those years of their lives and put everything in place.
Namjoon didn’t hate Jeongguk and Jeongguk didn’t hate Namjoon. It had to be a starting point.
«So... it’s not a problem? That I race?»
Namjoon smiled, trapping him against the newly closed door.
«Until it isn’t clandestine.»
«In that case» the youngest made sure to wrap his neck around him with his arms. «I would still have the best lawyer in Seoul on my side.»
«You overestimate me.» Namjoon bent his lips and God ... Jeongguk would die for that smile.
«You underestimate yourself.»
«Mmh» The blond one leaned his lips to the other’s ones, moving them slowly, without any sign of that insane need that had characterized them a few hours before. Now they would have plenty of time to explore and love each other properly. «Stop pretending someone you’re not, Kookie. I know you and I love you for who you are.»
Jeongguk lifted and lowered his eyelashes repeatedly, incredulous. He didn’t think he had understood correctly, on the contrary, he had certainly not understood correctly.
«You... what is it?»
«Let me love you, Jeongguk.»
The brunette melted. His feet almost gave way under his weight as Namjoon lifted him by his buttocks and took him to the bathroom. He laid it on the sink, enjoying his verses as his lips moved from his mouth to his chin, tracing his pronounced jaw. Then, again, he moved to the throat, the jugular, as far as the shirt and leather jacket allowed him to get.
«Have I ever told you how good you look in this jacket?» Jeongguk shook his head, unable to formulate any kind of thoughts. «But I think you’re better off without it.»
It’s been a moment. The moment before Jeongguk had his jacket on, the next one he was left with only his shirt and Namjoon’s hands exploring his body beneath the fabric.
God . How could they have been without that for so long? They would undoubtedly have to talk to each other before, they would have saved themselves a lot of suffering and they would have discovered how much their bodies and their souls were made to be together, perfectly fitting like pieces of a puzzle.
Soon the shirt made company with the jacket, as well as trousers and underwear. And as the youngest entered the shower, adjusting the temperature and the jet, the blond undressed quickly enough to catch him while he was still behind, clutching him and kissing his shoulder insistently.
«Hyung.»
«Mmh?»
«Love me. Please , love me.»
Namjoon left another kiss on his baby’s shoulder, then made him turn around in his arms. He began to kiss his forehead, then his eyes, cheeks, nose, chin. He made sure to kiss every inch of the available skin flap on her boyfriend’s face. Then he started kissing his tattoos, those beautiful and huge tattoos that covered his neck and one of his arms.
«I already love you, Kookie» murmured a short distance from his lips. «I love you since Taehyung took you home for the first time since middle school. I loved you when you went to college, and you had the nerve to risk leaving it all behind after just a year. I loved you when I found out you were racing and I loved you when they told me you always won. I never missed anything about you, nothing . I have always, always watched over you and I have always ensured that you were at least good.»
Jeongguk’s eyes were shiny again, but he was really trying not to cry.
«I couldn’t be good without you.»
Namjoon’s eyes softened, their foreheads collided, their smells mixed.
«I know now, Kookie. I know now.»
It was the youngest to close the distance between them. Their mouths searched for each other, they found themselves, they harmonized the most beautiful of the melodies never heard before. And neither of us had ever felt happier than at the time.
Namjoon pushed him against the icy wall of the shower, again lifting his legs and making sure he held onto his body. He had no intention of rushing things this time. They would take it slow, making sure they were on time with each other. Making sure to make love this time, and not just sex.
«If you don’t want to or if for some reason you don’t feel comfortable with it, I’ll stop.»
«I’ve wanted you for ten years, hyung. Please, don’t stop.»
And Namjoon didn’t stop. This time he pushed himself into him with extreme sweetness, as if he were afraid to break him. Their mouths continued to search for each other, their hands to explore each other and their basins to collide under the sound of their moans mixed with that of the shower water crashing behind them.
The blond began to bite Jeongguk’s lips, while he began to move on him, trying to duplicate that intense pleasure that was destroying him.
Namjoon tightened his grip on the other, forcing him not to move as he began to dictate a different, greater rhythm, becoming increasingly erratic.
«Hyung.»
«I want to look at you. Open your eyes, please.»
Jeongguk didn’t even realize he had closed them. He just did it, immersed in all the love that his man was giving him. He lifted his eyelids, his gaze immediately met the dark and deep pools of that man he loved so much and had always seemed unattainable to him. Even now, even with Namjoon inside him, he feared that it was all a dream, that he would soon wake up and never find him by his side again.
«I’m not going anywhere» whispered the eldest, as if to guess his thoughts. For Jeongguk it was enough to kiss him once again, their mouths immersed in the passion of their love, while their moaning were mixed with saliva and their bodies trembled from head to toe for what had just happened.
They took a few seconds to recover, their breaths still excited. Then Namjoon kissed him on the corner of his mouth and tried to take a step back to get out of him and put his feet back on the ground, but Jeongguk protested.
«Just a few more minutes, please.»
Nam’s heart melted in his chest. He nodded, gently stroking his hair, kissing his cheeks and giving him all the care he could.
«When do you have the next race?» the blond asked, kissing the point under his ear that Jeongguk adored.
«The day after tomorrow» exclaimed the youngest, resting his head on the other’s shoulder and completely relaxing against him.
«Can I come?»