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If you wanted to go and say something, maybe the term ‘high school sweethearts’ could be the best one to define Yuuji and Megumi. Even when they’ve just graduated as professional first and special-grade sorcerers, they held the other’s hand affectionately when they thought nobody was looking, whispered the sappiest and sugar-coated love words to each other, laughing at their own sentimentalism and looked at each other like they held the entire world in their eyes.
Like soulmates, their friends had joked, like the sun and the moon.
And they had felt like it was true.
Even when there was just one finger left, they didn’t stop smiling, even when the curse inside Yuuji always ruined their moments together or was a constant threat to everyone, they kept going accepting whatever the outcome would be.
As time passed even Yuuji lost all animosity towards its presence, accepting Sukuna as part of his soul.
‘It’s not that bad when you get used to him.’ He often said, weirded out by his own words.
They were fine, all the bitterness from the situation was something that they both acknowledged right from the start of their relationship. So they just enjoyed every moment together like it was their last.
Yuuji, who was always laughing, causing a ruckus or just being noisy was so different from Megumi who was always quiet, calm, and collected, and yet it was natural to be the support for the other.
Despite their personalities, the clingiest of them was Megumi. Sometimes the raven-haired felt spoiled, Yuuji was the one who died that night and yet it was he who sought comfort in his arms. Yuuji was the one with an execution order, who was chased and treated as disposal and yet it was the other who kept taking everything from him.
His boyfriend would smile at him and caress his cheeks. Always looking at him with honest eyes that assured him that it was okay. No one was made of steel and Yuuji could only endure all the hardships because there were people supporting him like Gojo or Megumi himself; he felt needed, and necessary.
“Without you there, giving me a reason to keep going, I don’t know what would have happened to me, ‘Gumi. You were my light in the middle of the chaos.”
“But—”
“Megumi,” Yuuji said with a firm voice, not enough to startle him, but to stop his insecurities. “Your struggles are not less than mine, because you’re not less important than me, so promise that you won’t hide anything.”
“Because I’ll take your struggles as mine, every time.”
Yuuji would always say that Megumi was the smartest and most reliable person in the world, but for Megumi that was Yuuji.
After all, he'd think later, he never told him all of his worries.
One of the days in their third year of school, only a month to their graduation, Yuuji—half-drunk and half-daring—even confessed how he really felt with Sukuna inhabiting his body. Megumi just listened. He didn't look weirded out at any moment. Not saying a word at the revelation of Yuuji being made by Kenjaku just for the King of Curses. Neither when he confessed feeling full, complete —his voice trembling—ever since he ate that damn finger. Afraid, he kept saying that despite how terrible this strange symbiosis with the King of Curses was, they both acknowledged their strange connection after the Shibuya incident, and since then everything had gone...
Easier.
“I think you noticed it too, even mentioned that day before fighting that strange sorcerer, Sukuna started being less brazen and aggressive.” If the mentioned was listening, the curse just remained silent, maybe acknowledging it. “When we became aware of this strange feeling everything was just chaos, but then one-day Sukuna dragged me to his domain, and we talked. ”
The other just nodded when Yuuji looked hesitant, waiting for him to continue as he remembered those days when his lover looked different. He had thought that it was probably due to their first meeting with Hana Kurusu, not this. His expression didn’t change a bit, so Yuuji continued.
“Even now I can’t explain what this strange thing is, why sometimes I seem to be too comfortable with this and the fact that we are aware of what the other is feeling. It’s just too much. If we can exorcize him as Ieri-sensei proposed, get him out of my body, Sukuna and I—”
Something cut him off, maybe a realization or maybe the curse itself.
“Yuuji?”
The mentioned just leaned on him, seeking comfort. So Megumi held his hand, startling his lover who looked afraid and lost; maybe scared by his own words. But Megumi was there for him and once Yuuji looked into his reassuring eyes, he felt that his mind was more at peace. Leaning towards him, feeling the warm hand that covered his own, closed his eyes.
“Sukuna always says that we are a pitiful existence, it’s hard to find a day where he doesn’t mention it,” continued the teenager, letting everything out. “Keeps talking about how we could never be truly happy without each other and sometimes I can’t help but believe him. It’s too strange. Why should I feel like this? Why did I start being aware of this after Shibuya!?”
After seconds of silence, Megumi talked with a calm voice.
“You’re not a pitiful existence Yuuji, maybe that bastard is, but not you.” He was whispering, trying to coo at the figure that was slowly curling against him. “You have the strength to protect others, people are drawn to you like magic and the way you shine is… There’s nothing pitiful about you, not at all.”
Yuuji kept his eyes closed but intertwined his hand with the other, the firm voice of Fushiguro made him want to look him in the eyes, but…
“I guess I must believe you, then.”
He thought he heard a smirk coming from Sukuna.
They did it, somehow.
After all the whole mess with the culling games: freeing their teacher and honoring those whose lives were lost in the middle of the chaos by killing Kenjaku and putting an end to it. So Megumi and Yuuji graduated, leaving only one thing to do.
The last finger was with that damn brain sorcerer as some kind of twisted joke.
“A gift to the winners.”
Huh.
So, everything was ready. There were some elders left alive, but this time no one hurried an execution or exorcism. They just waited patiently. So sure that the whole thing would be done without them doing anything. Leaving Megumi and Gojo with Yuuji and the 20th finger.
And Sukuna got exorcised.
Contrary to what they expected, the curse just took control of his vessel for a couple of seconds and smirked at them —at Megumi—.
“Foolish sorcerers.”
Yuuji fell unconscious in Megumi’s arms after giving him a lost expression.
When he woke up on the infirmary bed nobody noticed until Megumi visited him a couple hours later in the evening right after an urgent mission.
Yuuji was sitting on the bed looking silently through the window, he looked lost in his thoughts, and at some point, he seemed pained and disconcerted.
“Yuuji?”
His lover turned his gaze towards him and smiled tiredly while calling his name, acknowledging him.
The marks behind his eyes were still there, like a reminder of all that happened until that point.
Maybe tired wasn’t the right word, but that smile looked different from the others that Yuuji had given him.
It was… sad.
Yuuji's physical recovery was fast. As was expected, taking his unusual anatomy into consideration, his mind always seemed to be in another place, getting unnecessary injuries due to his continual distraction. He would claim that all of them were just light ones, nothing to be worried about, but Megumi wasn’t easily fooled. He knew him too well to not know that it wasn’t that the first-class sorcerer was making ‘rookie mistakes’ that ‘after all didn’t affect anyone’. Something was wrong, so he immediately tried to find out what it was.
Getting a proper answer from Yuuji was a hard job. Maybe it was Megumi’s influence, but he became a little good at avoiding questions and even at lying—though later he would feel guilty because it was Yuuji after all—even when there was obvious evidence that something was not ‘alright’ and neither was it ‘nothing to worry about’. Yuuji didn’t give in and kept pretending.
“Maybe I am not used to this amount of cursed energy, I’m going to get used to it, don’t worry.”
Liar.
There were some nights when Yuuji would be quieter than usual, trying to talk during their meals but failing, looking even tired and unable to bring up any topic. Up until the point that Megumi had to do it, trying to know what was wrong. And once his attempts were discarded, he would give him reassuring words and some cuddles to appease the troubled look his lover had.
Once they had both gone to bed and turned off the lights, Yuuji would clutch at his clothes believing that Megumi would be asleep, trembling and crying.
And Megumi was afraid, at a loss, with no idea of what to do, or how to help his beloved.
‘But afraid of what?’ A voice always said in his head.
But Yuuji didn’t say anything, and Megumi's patience was running out each day. Hell, he didn’t want to snap at him, but he was so worried and growing frustrated day by day. Ever since that moment, he noticed how there were more changes, how sometimes Yuuji would try to distract himself with anything. His smiles would be weaker with each day that passed. How he would look at himself in the mirror, eyes tracing something on his face and grimacing after some seconds, looking disheartened, and how he would look on the verge of tears every time Megumi would kiss, hug or even look at him.
Something was breaking and he could only observe, unable to do anything to help or even find a reason.
Sukuna was something in the past now, so why-?
Megumi finally collapsed the moment he saw how a special curse impaled his lover like nothing. It was something easy to dodge. Yuuji’s skill was something to take into account and still, when the arm of the curse aimed at his stomach, he didn’t dodge; stunned at the words of the curse.
Megumi used his domain expansion out of rage, not giving the curse a chance to attack him, the chimera garden making its last moments a total nightmare and then turning to Yuuji who held his stomach in pain, barely conscious, a puddle of blood quickly pooling.
‘Must be horrible living in a hollow, incomplete body huh? Like a broken doll, living without the reason behind your pathetic existence.’
At the infirmary, Megumi waited patiently for Yuuji, thinking about what he should say once the other had woken up. Trying not to be too harsh or too pliant, if he was too soft, they might stay at the same stage as before and Yuuji wouldn’t be so lucky next time.
He almost had a general idea of what to say, but it was hard, the past weeks were too much for the raven-haired sorcerer who felt how, day by day, he was losing the other. They were fine, so why did everything feel like it was crumbling down.
And then, the ex-vessel opened his eyes and remained still. Looking at the ceiling blankly without noticing Fushiguro, sighing heavily as his hand went to his chest, searching for something.
‘A scar’ whispered something in Megumi's mind. ‘He’s missing him. ’
“Yuuji.”
Just when he called his name the first-class sorcerer spared him a glance, whispering his name as he recognized him. Wincing when he tried to sit upright, the wound was still open despite Ieri-sensei’s treatment.
“Megumi…”
His voice was soft and plain, a blank expression on his face that unnerved Fushiguro.
“Do you remember what happened?”
“I got injured, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I made a mistake. Are you okay, Megumi?”
A calm voice and a reassuring smile.
This was usual Yuuji, always putting other people first over himself.
Making sure that others don’t worry too much about him, but this was wrong.
That sight was... somehow… disappointing.
“If I am okay? Yuuji, you almost died.”
“But I didn’t. Didn’t I?”
A voice; soft and bitter.
A wave of fear and rage invaded him.
“What do you mean by that?!”
He fucked it up, the face on Yuuji said everything. But he couldn’t help it, the words of that damned curse kept ringing in his head, mocking him because he was aware that his lover was in pain. He was also aware of the reason behind Yuuji’s, his supposed soulmate’s, affliction.
Yuuji refused to look him in the eyes. Disturbed by the sudden yelling he turned his gaze to his hands. “I mean what I said, I’m fine, nothing else happened so you don’t have to get so worked up with a mere wound… Everything's fine, I’m fine. ”
And yet he remained to look at his hands, furrowed brows, and confused eyes, a miserable expression on his face.
“Don’t lie to me Yuuji, please… tell me.”
The image of Sukuna’s sardonic smirk burning in his mind, his chest tightening as he saw the other biting his lips. Now he was just bordering on the other’s patience, trying to get an answer that he already knew, probably hoping for a different one. To finally erase the fear that was eating his mind since that confession, putting aside that confession as a mere feeling and not a sad truth.
“I’m sorry Megumi, I’m so sorry. But—“ Glassy eyes met with him, Yuuji’s lips were already bleeding to stop the desperate tears from coming out.
“It’s so empty…”
There was it, the one he felt was his other half, already lost his own.
“I feel so empty without him even when I’m at your side and I hate myself so much for this.”
The tears came out despite Yuuji’s efforts, and all that Megumi could do was observe. Feeling his heart aches, a disarray of emotions tumbling down and messing with his head; jealousy, guilt, rage.
His lover trembled as he sobbed, whispering pleas for forgiveness, and for the first time, Megumi doubted, overwhelmed by something that wasn’t a surprise, and yet, it was painful. The whole situation was a sad scenario that both of them probably expected. Still, he couldn’t let Yuuji suffer alone.
He extended his trembling left hand to the other and with the right one touched the other’s bleeding lips, trying to stop Yuuji.
At first, his lover shook his head.
“No Megumi, please don’t, I– I don’t deserve you. How can I? I am afraid that I m-might not lo–” He couldn’t bring himself to end that sentence. “Why is this happening? Was it supposed to be like this? Even with that bastard torturing me since the very first moment?! I want to love you! Why am–”
“Yuuji.”
Megumi called out and Yuuji went quiet immediately, probably expecting rejection. So Megumi put a stop to the mess in his head as he noticed how his loved one was desperate with tears running down freely. Putting both of their foreheads together, surprising the other, chest still aching and however, he tried to talk with a reassuring voice.
“It’s okay, Yuuji.”
“No, it’s not Megumi, you don’t deserve this, you shouldn’t love someone who can’t love you as the same you do, I’m the one to blame here, the cursed one.”
He felt hands pressing against his chest, trying to put distance, but Megumi grabbed Yuuji’s head, desperate to retain him at his side. Afraid and angry at himself, who was unable to approach his loved one to console him and bring him comfort, and how he opted to ignore the true meaning behind the words of that day.
He wasn’t smart and neither was he reliable.
He failed Yuuji.
“No… No, please ‘Gumi.” And again, the sweet, caring Yuuji was there, ready to bring comfort to him and console him even with a painful voice and expression. “You’re crying, Megumi, we can’t keep going with this, after all breaking up–”
“Don’t you dare.”
His grip tightened, hurting Yuuji to the point bruises would probably show later. Megumi couldn’t help it, an irrational fear, one that only Yuuji could calm, suddenly aroused.
“If you say that your love is not enough, then I’ll love you more, enough to fulfill the hollowness that’s breaking you.” Now Yuuji’s eyes were wide open with surprise.“If you say you can’t go back to what you were, I don’t care, I’ll be at your side even then. I won’t give up on you, never.”
“But please, don’t leave me.”
He finally let go, defeated as he felt how the other didn’t move or talk. He rested his head on the other’s lap, a silent tear falling, damping the blanket.
There was a deafening silence for some minutes.
Yuuji reached his hand towards Megumi, slowly and afraid, but he continued until his hand rested on the black and greasy locks— probably too worried about him to shower during the days he was unconscious— and he felt pained because it wasn’t the same.
Sukuna would laugh at him, calling him pathetic for worrying over someone like Megumi. Later he would muster some words to scold Yuuji for being so reckless, the voice of the curse was harsh but sometimes gentle, caring, out of nothing just to give him a scowl and grunts, confusing him and making him attached to that bastard.
Too naïve and too easily swayed.
And now there was someone worried and desperate for him, he still thought that probably breaking up was the best for both. Yuuji was no longer irreplaceable, he lost his value as a vessel and the enormous curse energy that Sukuna provided him. He was making mistakes only a novice would make and yet he considered himself a first-grade sorcerer, missing someone who only brought him pain and desperation, someone that threatened him, mocked him, laughed at him—
And now the person who really cherished him was crying on his lap.
Because Yuuji didn’t love him anymore.
Because Yuuji was broken.
And yet his heart didn’t warm up at Megumi’s declaration, just a tiny feeling that those were serious and beautiful words that his past self would accept wholeheartedly, a warm smile, reassuring words, and comforting words for Megumi who looked like crumbling.
But there was nothing.
He wanted to cry again, to scream out of frustration, but he couldn’t so he kept petting the other’s hair. There was just a dull feeling in his chest, compassion, or maybe pain. He decided to not think about it.
“Megumi.”
The other raised his head, red and puffy eyes so atypical of the stoic sorcerer.
“Kiss me.”
The kiss was dull, empty, and desperate, but Yuuji accepted it. If this was what Megumi wanted, he would keep going for him.
Even without his other half.