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Touch me I'm sick

Summary:

Caesar gets sick. Joseph takes care of him.

It really doesn't get simpler than that.

Notes:

Is it weird to use Japanese honorifics (Caesar-chan) in an English fanfic? I refuse to watch the English dub of JoJo's, and I refuse to even IMPLY that this is related to the English dub in any way by using "Caesarino".

I'm sorry, I just won't watch Bryce Papenbrook (aka Kirito, Inosuke, and Eren Jaeger) voice Caesar in a shitty Italian accent. I just won't. If you watched the JoJo's English dub, what's it like missing out on the best voice actors in existence?

Yeah, I will judge my readers before they even read my book. Fight me.

Anyway, pls enjoy my sickfic! I wrote it because, surprise surprise, I got sick. It was meant to be a 1-1.5k oneshot that I wanted to write in a day, but here we are, 4 days later with a fully edited 8.5k fanfic.

(Oh yeah, title is from a Mudhoney song by the same title <3)

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Mornings at Air Suplena were normally the highlight of Caesar’s day. Joseph was always late to wake, so they were the truly quiet times he had to himself. Day in and day out, he and Joseph would train together, against one another, and my god it got to him sometimes. Sure, he owes Joseph a great debt, ever since he watched Joseph lead Wamuu away on the minecart seemingly long ago (yet it was merely a week or two ago), but there was only so much he could handle of one person for so long. Sue him if he enjoys his mornings in solitude before his loud comrade in arms livens the day up, he won’t stop rising before dawn. 

Today, however, he rose to the incessant blabber of one Joseph Joestar. As he opened his eyes, his personal space was already being occupied by Joseph’s face, staring openly at him, before donning an expression of smugness. But before he could push his intruder’s face away and shoo him out of his room with a hamon-infused chop to the back of his neck, a sharp stab to his right eye stopped him in his tracks. Caesar collapsed back onto the bed (not that he made it very far up to begin with) and jabbed the knuckle of his thumb into his eyelid, not doing a very good job of stopping the pain. He let out a groan, of both frustration and pain, flaring up his hamon to numb the pain. The sparks of hamon must have surprised his unwanted guest, as Joseph jumped back, sitting on his knees on Caesar’s bed and no longer within headbutting distance of Caesar.

“Hey, hey, hey! Suzie told me to come get you for breakfast, don’t hamon sizzle me, I’ve already showered and done my hair!” Joseph screeched, covering his hair with his hands as if to protect it. Caesar removed his hand from his eye, blinking a few times to focus on Joseph. Did he hear him right? “Yes, you heard me right. And your next line will be: ‘did I say that out loud?’” 

Caesar blinked again, staring hazily at the tangled sheets at his waist and around one of his legs. What’s Joseph doing here? Caesar thought (out loud). His eyes trailed up Joseph’s legs, which were, annoyingly, trapping both his legs under the sheets. Stuck with his legs being sat on by Joseph, he reached out to push him off the bed. Well, tried to. His body just wouldn’t cooperate, as if it were too fatigued to follow his brain’s commands.

“Uhh, Earth to Caesar?” Joseph drawled out in his western accent, waving an obnoxious hand in his face. Caesar batted it away, albeit a bit weaker than usual. “Are you okay? Did you hit your head or something?” Joseph eyed his blonde friend with more attention now, concern creasing his brow. Joseph then pulled on Caesar’s eyelid, forcing his eye open fully and peering into it. He hummed, other hand coming to cradle his own jaw in contemplation. “You didn’t even say what I predicted you would say. Something is wrong, I can sense it.”

Suddenly, all of Caesar’s senses came back to him. He could feel the throbbing headache pounding on his skull, his throat dry and unwilling to operate normally. The sheets wrapped around him suddenly feel too hot, suffocating, in fact. That, and a sudden need for water. “Just because your stupid trick didn’t work…” Caesar started, before trailing off, rubbing his eyes like his life depended on it. He opened them again, only to see double, squinting to make the images merge into one. Finally, he perched himself on his elbows, not bothering to push his untamed fringe out of his eyes as he peered around the room to get his bearings. By the look of things, it was well past sunrise, but he could guess that much from the 100kg man crushing his legs. The conversation started coming to him properly, registering Joseph’s words. It was breakfast time, and he hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet. He sat up fully, more alert now that he realises that he’s behind schedule. 

“Ughhh, what time is it?” Caesar groaned out, tugging on his sleepshirt. It was way hotter than it needed to be right now. Joseph pushed the back of his hand to Caesar’s forehead quite easily, considering that they’re maybe 30cm from each other now that Caesar has sat fully upright, foregoing his earlier attempt to shove him off the bed and accepting his presence in his lap. 

“Holy Jesus and Mary, Caesar, you’re burning up! Wait here, I’ll go tell Lisa Lisa.” Joseph seemed concerned, as much as any friend would be, but Caesar couldn’t help but notice the slight glee to his voice at the prospect of getting ahead of Caesar in training. And, well, Caesar just couldn’t allow that.

“I’m fine, you oaf, it’s just hot. Now get off me so I can get dressed,” Caesar demanded, but it wasn’t as stern as he hoped it’d be. Joseph simply crossed his arms, planting his heavy ass on Caesar’s legs fully. God, what did this man eat? He was so heavy, he wondered if his knees would bend inward under the pressure. Surely not, because Caesar himself is tall and beefy, but Joseph was somehow even bigger than himself. He often wonders why his partner in all of this mess had to be someone bigger, taller, and with a stronger natural hamon ability. It’s like God was trying to mess with him, to give him a taste of his own medicine. Sure, he’s used his size to overpower street thugs back in his delinquent days, but he’s repented for that, right? 

“Make me.” Joseph stuck his tongue out at him, making a stupid, infuriating noise as he did so. “If you can, that is.” 

Oh, Caesar has had enough of him. Shoving his hands in Joseph’s face, he smooshed his face and messed up his hair. He charged up his hamon, fully attempting to use his body control on Joseph just like he did that woman when they first met. Although, he guessed that Joseph wouldn’t appreciate a hamon kiss, so he had to compromise. In one quick move, Caesar shoved his middle and forefinger of one hand into Joseph’s mouth, zapping him with hamon where he was most vulnerable. 

When Joseph didn’t immediately become pliant and willing, and instead stopped and stared at Caesar incredulously, it got awkward pretty fast. With his hand half in Joseph’s mouth, and Joseph very not under his control, he began to wonder if Joseph was right and something was wrong. Although, he’s never utter the phrase ‘Joseph, you were right’ even at gunpoint. 

“Uhhhhhhhh…” Joseph slurred around Caesar’s hand, “What wath that?” 

“Get off me.”

“No, I quite like it here, your hand is tasty.” Joseph, the uncivilised rat, then roughly bit his fingers, winking as he did so. Caesar snapped to his senses and yanked his hand away from the biting jaws of Joseph, wiping the spit on Joseph’s jeans. 

“You’re gross,” Caesar muttered, looking away in embarrassment. His hamon had never failed him before, and never in such a spectacular way, either. Joseph just raised his eyebrows at him, because, well, Caesar was the one to put his hand there in the first place. “Fine, I feel a bit off, nothing breakfast and a shower can’t fix.” The Italian crossed his arms, red in the face and glaring at the man on his legs. 

Joseph finally relented, sliding off the bed and heading for the door. “Fine, but shower first. You reek.” And with that, Caesar was left alone in his room, tangled in sheets with a slightly damp hand. Although, now that he realised it, he did sweat a shit ton in his sleep, his back, chest and underarms all bearing sweatmarks. Groaning at the feeling of his clothes sticking to his body, he dragged himself to the shower, bringing his clothes for the day with him. 

 

— 

 

After his refreshing shower, with the cold tap turned all the way up, he headed to the dining room, not bothering to dry his hair properly in his haste. He chose to forego his headband today, instead looping it through the belt loops in his pants, as his face felt hot enough as it was. He opted to leave his jacket in the shared bathroom, deciding to pick it up later after training. When he arrived at the dining table, only Suzie Q was in sight, tending to the stove in the kitchen across the room. Caesar leaned on the island counter behind her, resting his elbows on the top. 

“Say, Suzie, where are the others?” He inquired, scanning the room as best as he could from where he was. Suzie jumped, dropping the wooden spoon she was holding into the pot.

“Oh! There you are, Caesar. I was just about to check on you and bring you your food,” She said, in her usual sweet tone. Sometimes, Caesar thought he’d need to have his teeth pulled from how sweet she was. She would be his type, if it weren’t for the situation they’re in. And, well, he actually respects her as a friend. He doubts she would be foolish enough to fall for his charm, anyway. 

“There’s no need, I’m here now. Where are JoJo and sensei?” Caesar glanced at the table and saw no signs of either of the two he’d be training with today. Now that he thought hard about it, he does remember Joseph saying that breakfast was ready about half an hour ago.

“JoJo said you were sick, so I kept your food warm while you showered.” As she said this, she poured his meal into a bowl, stashing away the pot in the sink and getting a spoon for him. “You’re lucky, I had already made soup for everyone.” Walking over and setting the bowl down at his usual spot at the table, she then guided him by the arm to sit.

“Where are they? I surely must hurry to catch up with them,” Caesar said, instantly taking a large spoonful of vegetable soup. Then another.

“Slow down, Caesar. You have been given the day off, so I’d appreciate it more if you took your time to enjoy my cooking.” Caesar looked up at Suzie Q as she said this, witnessing a threatening smile he hadn’t seen on her before. She might actually take offence if he doesn’t take his time eating. He decided not to take his chances and slowed down, savouring the taste.

“I do not need the day off, JoJo was exaggerating. I slept in, but I feel much better n-” Caesar was stopped in his tracks by a delicate hand to his forehead. Suzie clicked her tongue, tilting her head to the side.

“Lisa Lisa said that if she catches your training at all, you will get no lunch breaks for the rest of your time here on Air Suplena, as you clearly don’t value your time to rest.” Again, she smiled that scary, never seen before smile and Caesar couldn’t find it in him to argue with her. 

He had a plan, after all. He would practise hamon in his room, in his underwear so that if anyone came in, he could claim he was indecent and they’d leave, especially if they opened the door. After he finished his meal and bid Suzie goodbye, he planned to do exactly that.

When he got to his room, he closed the door and stripped to his underwear only and stretched his limbs. It was so much better now that his hot, sticky clothes were rid of, but he couldn’t help but shiver at the same time. Carefully, he prepared himself before lunging into a handstand. Normally, he could balance on a fine point on a rooftop by one hand, but now, shifting to one hand on the floor felt like an impossible task. He opted to stay on two hands and go for endurance, rather than skill. After about an hour, he began to feel a headrush coming on. Instead of stopping and continuing to the next exercise, he slipped his eyes closed, allowing them a little reprieve from the dryness they currently had. 

One minute of closing his eyes turned into two minutes, and then to ten. Soon enough, he could no longer tell how long he had been suspended upside down for. Then, he fell asleep.

 

 

Caesar, again, woke to Joseph all up in his face. This time, it was bright in his room; too bright, in fact. Joseph was upside down, laying on the roof. No… the floor? Caesar brought his hand up to rub at his eyes, and promptly yelped when he came crashing down on his face. It took a while for Caesar to orientate himself, laying on the floor as Joseph sat up and looked down at him. It was a miracle that Joseph wasn’t involved in the pile of Caesar right now, given how close he was to the blonde when he came crashing down.

“You know, until I met you and Lisa Lisa, I never thought it was possible for someone to fall asleep in a handstand,” Joseph said, tilting his head like a curious puppy. Caesar’s mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton. Out of nowhere, his mind fogged out, pain clouding over his senses. He closed his eyes again, whining as he covered his eyes with his forearm and rolled away from Joseph. He didn’t know what exactly was going on, if he was honest. He just wanted to not be experiencing this right now. His legs shook, although not with exertion. His whole body shook, overrun with sensations as he couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position.

Caesar swore he could hear someone calling his name, but it sounded like his head was trapped in a fishbowl. Covering his ears, he just wanted everything to be quiet so he could go back to sleep. Someone didn’t allow that, though, as they pulled his shoulder to turn him over. He glared at them, squinting to make out who it was. Where was he again? 

He was in the midst of scanning his surroundings when he felt a deliciously cold hand make contact with his forehead. Caesar sighed, immediately latching onto the person’s wrist and repositioning their hand so it cradled his steaming hot cheek. Panting, he snuggled the hand, desperate for more cool contact. 

“Oh my god…” The person above him whispered softly, almost in awe, but mostly in shock. Caesar started to open his eyes to look at his saviour, but they silenced him with another cold hand to his opposite cheek, effectively cupping his face in both hands. 

Slowly but surely, Caesar began to put together the pieces. The hands on his face were large, calloused, and could very nearly cover his whole face. He wished they would. He remembered seeing Joseph… on the ceiling?... before he tumbled to the floor. Right. He was on the floor. Of his room? And that means JoJo… is the one cooling his face down. He peered up at, unsurprisingly, JoJo, eyes lidded and barely able to open enough to see. But, there he was, cradling his face carefully and looking at him like he might break any moment.

“Jo-” Caesar was interrupted by the need to clear his own throat, barely able to contain the oncoming coughing fit. “JoJo?” He vaguely recognised that he was nearly naked, with the wooden floors cooling his back and legs, but he couldn’t care less at this very moment. It felt too heavenly. “Nnnnnng, JoJo, what did I miss… at training?” Caesar closed his eyes once again as Joseph turned over his hands so the cool backside of his hands could rest on Caesar’s cheeks. 

“Nothing, I got yelled at and made to do laps around the island.” Caesar could tell he was lying, or at least hiding the whole truth, but JoJo did smell strongly of salt. Caesar scoffed, which led to a small coughing fit.

“Typical,” was all he could say. He laid still, focussing on his careful breathing to distract himself from the killer headache he could already feel. It was worse than before, as if it were warning him earlier today of what was to come. 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on the floor, I brought you lunch,” Joseph said, lightly slapping Caesar’s cheeks when he refused to open his eyes again, instead scrunching his face and attempting to turn away with a small childish whine. 

Caesar piqued up a bit at that. Now that he realised, he was super hungry. His stomach rumbled, loud and clear for the whole world to hear. Using the bed frame as leverage, he yanked himself so he was sitting upright, leaning his back against the end of his bed. Running his hands through his damp, knotted hair, he looked over at Joseph. Why was he here? Surely he didn’t want to get sick too. Suzie could bring him his lunch. If she got sick, it wouldn’t affect their mission. 

“Get in bed, I’ll bring you lunch. It’s your favourite: vegetable soup!” Joseph chirped out cheerily. He got up and walked to the small table by Caesar’s bedroom door, picking up the tray holding his bowl of soup. Vegetable soup was by no means his favourite. In fact, it was the blander of meals he’s had here on the island. Joseph must be having fun. 

Caesar begrudgingly obliged, crawling up the length of his bed to flop face first into his pillow. He got distracted by the comfort, almost falling asleep then and there, but light fingers trailing down his spine snapped him out of his trance. He turned his head to his left and met the ocean blue eyes of Joseph. Joseph simply smiled, eyes closed and just simply adorable. Caesar couldn’t stand it. Normally, Caesar can’t stand Joseph’s loud, abrasive personality. For some reason, his sick brain finds all those qualities endearing right now. Or maybe, he’s always found them endearing. They’re still annoying though, don’t get him wrong. 

One of Joseph’s fingers circled around a particularly boney bit of his spine, sending a tingling sensation down his entire body like a shockwave. Caesar let out a shaky breath, shivering a bit. He sat up, forcing Joseph’s hand off of him. Caesar crossed his arms, glaring at the younger man in front of him. 

“Thank you for bringing me lunch, but I can handle it from here,” Caesar said, blearily looking down his nose at Joseph. His attempt at being collected was thwarted by a sneeze, then another one. He wiped his nose with his forearm, not caring for how gross it was. He just wants Joseph to leave so he can eat and do whatever he wants. By the look of things, Joseph doesn’t plan on letting him.

“Nuh-uh, Caesar-chan. You can’t be trusted to take care of yourself,” Joseph said, grabbing hold of the soup bowl and cradling it to his chest. 

“I’m fine, there’s no need to worry yourself over nothing.” Caesar eyed the food in Joseph’s hands, thinking of a way to snatch it without spilling it. Does hamon conduct well in vegetable soup? 

“I’m not leaving until you eat this and fall asleep,” Joseph stated sternly, grabbing the spoon and scooping up a spoonful of soup. He blew on it, a little bit of steam still coming from it. “Now say ahh~”

“I can fee-” Caesar was rudely interrupted by Joseph shoving the spoon in his mouth. Roughly, he might add. Joseph probably doesn’t know what the word ‘gentle’ means. Yep, the soup is just leftover from the morning. It tasted odd on his tongue, but he swallowed nonetheless. Caesar snatched the spoon before Joseph could fully retract it. He pointed it accusingly at Joseph’s face. “What the hell has gotten into you, JoJo?” 

Joseph feigned being a damsel in distress, fanning his face and putting a hand to his forehead dramatically. “My, it’s the worst thing! My dear best friend is sick and won’t rest! He’s crazy! I think he’s got rabies!” He opened one eye and peeked at Caesar to make sure he was looking, then went back to being dramatic.

“I didn’t know you had friends. Congratulations,” Caesar mocked, attempting to silently lean over and take the soup before Joseph spilled it. “But I don’t think you know what rabies even is.” While Caesar talked the talk, his limbs were aching again. He vaguely forgot about his muscles being sore, and the pounding headache lingering in the back of his skull. Joseph seemed to have that effect on him. 

Before Caesar could successfully snatch the bowl, Joseph’s eyes snapped open and in a split second he had the spoon that Caesar was previously holding in his hand. “Let me feed you or I’ll tell Lisa Lisa that you were training in your room instead of sleeping. Well, I guess you were doing both?” Joseph questioned, pondering it over in his head as he readied the next spoonful.

Again, Caesar opened his mouth to protest, only to be met with the spoon silencing him. Closing his eyes in frustration, he swallowed. Letting out a long sigh through his nose, he weighed his options. It’s already embarrassing enough as it is, letting it happen might not be the worst option. Losing his lunch breaks would suck, royally. He could just claim that Joseph was lying, but he can’t really lie to sensei like that. 

“Why are you so-” another spoonful of soup interrupted him. “Hnng! Why are you so worried about me? You should be worried about the pillar men. We don’t have much time, you know.” Caesar was getting irritated with the constant interruptions. He crossed his arms, refusing to open his mouth and tilting his head away as Joseph aimed the spoon at his face again. He wanted Joseph to answer his question, first. 

He lowered the spoon, tilting his head to the side. That habit of his always made him look like an airhead. An adorable airhead. An annoying one. Caesar couldn’t settle on one, he was both annoying and adorable at the same time. “Is that what this is all about? Caesar-” Joseph settled the bowl on the bedside table, putting his right hand on Caesar’s knee. “You’re an absolute idiot.” 

The blonde recoiled in offence. Really? He must be doing pretty bad if Joseph is the one calling him an idiot. “What? Is it so unreasonable that I’d want to take our training seriously?” 

“You can’t even use your hamon properly right now. You’re sick .” Caesar opened his mouth to protest, and Joseph dug his fingers into his knee that he was holding. He closed his mouth, waiting for the dumb beefy brunette to finish speaking. “No amount of denying it can change it. Unless, earlier you weren’t trying to use your hamon on me, and were just, in fact, playfully sticking your fingers in my mouth and zapping my tongue.” 

Caesar scoffed at the reminder of the earlier transgression, turning away and grabbing the soup bowl to occupy his hands. He began eating it immediately. 

“Right. So instead of forcing yourself to train and not get better, you should rest and get better now, so you can go back to training sooner.” 

He hated to admit it, but Joseph was right. He scooped up the last spoonful of soup. It was room temperature now, so he ate it quickly and settled the bowl on the bedside table once again. “But-” Caesar suddenly broke out into a coughing fit, groaning and clutching at his chest. “But what if we get beaten because I fell behind?” Caesar kept his head low, letting his fringe block out the sight of Joseph sitting on the edge of the bed. Blood rushed to his head, giving him a sense of vertigo. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“Not gonna happen.” Joseph moved his hand from Caesar’s knee to his hair, ruffling it playfully. Caesar allowed it. He always allows the touches Joseph gives him. He couldn’t help but feel melancholy at the thought of Joseph perishing to the pillar men because he himself was only just not good enough to defeat them. His illness-addled mind allowed Joseph to comfort him, just this once. He grabbed the wrist of the hand in his hair and brought it down to his lap, tangling his fingers between the tan ones. He wasn’t quite sure why he did it, besides that he wanted to, so he did. Maybe he’s sicker than he thought.

“I won’t allow history to repeat itself,” Caesar starts, a sullen mood overtaking him. “I won’t let us die by the hands of the masks like our grandfathers.” He weakly squeezed Joseph’s hand, receiving a much stronger one in return. He tilted his head up to see Joseph smiling at him. It wasn’t a sight he was expecting, but it was welcome nonetheless. 

“Silly Caesar-chan, I already knew that~” Joseph booped Caesar on the nose with his free hand. It held a little spark of hamon, which spooked Caesar briefly, but it settled and soothed his aching head. “Now sleep, my lunch break is almost over.” 

Caesar wholeheartedly doubted that he’d be able to sleep so easily, with his congested nose and throbbing headache. He laid down anyway, scooting under the sheets and throwing his arms over his eyes. Joseph grabbed his wrists and moved his arms to his sides. He bit his tongue, a little sliver sticking out from between his lips, as he moved his hands to either side of his face once again. They were just as cool as before. The easily recognisable sparking of hamon started up, sending a soothing sensation throughout Caesar’s head and body.

“Okay. One, two, three~… fall asleep!” Joseph commanded as he clicked a finger in front of the blonde’s face as if he were some sort of magician. It was the last thing Caesar witnessed before blacking out. 

 

 

For the most part, Caesar’s sleep was dreamless. One moment he was awake, the next moment, it was the middle of the afternoon. Soft orange beams of sunlight cascaded from the window, lighting up his bed. It burnt his eyes like the potent salt water of the sea often does, making him flinch and roll away. His eyes land on the side table, which now has a glass of water and a few cold tablets on it. He sits up groggily, attempting to rub the sleep from his eyes enough so that he can read the note tucked under the glass of water. It read:

Caesar~

Suzie went to the mainland and got some cold medicine for you! Take it when you wake up (if you wake up, my hamon is pretty amazing o.o) and get well soon!

-Joseph xoxo

In the blank space beneath the short note, there was a crudely drawn doodle of Caesar and Joseph defeating the pillar men. In the drawing, they stand next to each other over the dismembered bodies of the pillar men, with their conjoined hands raised in the air in victory. Caesar smiled at it, before tucking it away safely beneath his pillow. He’d put it somewhere else when he had the energy to get up. After taking his medicine and drinking the entire glass of water in a matter of seconds, he laid back down, settling under the sheets to hopefully sleep until sunrise. 

He fell asleep instantly.

He almost wished he hadn’t. This time, without the aid of hamon, he dreamt. It started with Joseph and himself, walking the bustling streets of mainland Venice. He wasn’t sure what they were doing, but Joseph had shopping bags looped around both arms as he ran and peered into a window of a massive building. On the other side of the glass were motorcycles, and the one Joseph was eyeing specifically was big and a beautiful red. It was a typical bike that gang members would probably refer to as “sexy”. 

“Hwahhhhh! Caesar, look at this beast! Can’t you just imagine me on it?” Joseph pulled his face away from the glass, turning his blinding smile on Caesar. He smiled back, before a dark shadow loomed over him and Joseph both. He turned around, only to be met with three thugs looming over them. It was quite hard to find people taller than Joseph and himself, so it was a shock when he had to tilt his neck upwards to look at them. They dressed in a typical street rat fashion, with tattoos littering their arms.

“Well well well, if it isn’t our dear old friend Caesar. Oh? Who’s this, Caesar? Why don’t you introduce us to your boyfriend?” The tallest of the three, most likely the leader, stepped forward towards Caesar as his two lackeys went around and grabbed Joseph by both arms, making him drop the shopping bags.

“Ehh? What’s the meaning of this? You guys looking to get your ass beat, huh!?” Joseph asked, with a lilt to his voice suggesting that he was becoming agitated. He struggled free from their grasp, only to find a fine point aimed at his side. 

Caesar’s eye caught the light shining on the knife, and suddenly things grew ten times more intense. He faced the leader once again, a barely contained rage building up inside of him. “Who are you and what do you want from us?” He asked, balling up his fists by his side.

“Oh? You don’t remember?” The leader moved his own fringe to the side, showcasing an ugly scar that ran from the corner of his forehead to his right eyebrow. “You gave me this as a goodbye present the last time we spoke. Surely you remember.” 

If he was being honest, he still didn’t remember who he was. He had sent a lot of people to the hospital in his youth. The thug must’ve seen the confusion still written on his face. “Well, let’s make sure you don’t forget me this time then, shall we?” 

Suddenly, the leader pulled a wrench out from somewhere behind him and swung as hard as he could at Caesar’s head. He dodged it easily, but a sickening crunch made him freeze on the spot. It may have missed Caesar, but it hit Joseph square in the nose, cracking it and disfiguring it. It now sat to the side, blood pouring from it endlessly. Joseph yelled out in pain. The single blow must’ve given him a concussion as well, because he could barely stand anymore, the only thing keeping him up were the two thugs holding his arms.

“JoJo!” Caesar was powerless to do anything. His whole body was frozen in fear. He had somehow fallen to the floor at some point. He tried to get back up to help Joseph, but every stumbling step he made made no difference. It seemed like the action was getting further away from him. By the end of the beating, they dumped Joseph to the floor, and disappeared as quickly as they had come. 

Caesar finally managed to get to Joseph’s crumpled form as he kneeled down and held Joseph’s face in his hands. He was unconscious, and scarily not breathing. Maybe there were just shallow breaths he couldn’t see, it was hard to tell. His face was completely disfigured and bloody, including the cheerful smile he showed him not minutes prior. The blonde attempted to use his hamon to heal him, to help at all, but nothing really came out. It sparked, but had no effect, and it was weak. Tears welled up and blocked his vision.

“JoJo?” Caesar began calling, slapping his face and shaking his friend. “JoJo!” He called out again. He repeated his name, getting more desperate each time. Vaguely, he could register someone calling his name. It sounded like they were in another room, muffled and far away. He ignored them in favour of trying to wake Joseph.

“Caesar!” 

Caesar sat upright in bed, almost knocking heads with someone on the way up. He panted, out of breath. It felt like he had run a marathon, with how painful each breath was. He held his head, trying to ease the overwhelming throbbing. He let out a quivering breath, sounding like a kicked puppy. 

“...Caesar?” 

He finally looked up, finding Joseph sitting on the edge of his bed once again. This Joseph (the real one, he’s now realising), was perfectly fine. His face held no injuries, not a single speck of blood, and breathed perfectly fine. Caesar immediately threw his arms around his shoulders, burying his face in the crook of his neck and shoulder. With shaking shoulders, he sniffled and rejoiced in the fact that it was all a dream. 

“Shh, Shhh,” Joseph shushed him, bringing his arms up to hug Caesar in return and pet his hair. It felt heavenly to have Joseph’s hands carding through his hair. Caesar could swear that with each stroke of his hair, Joseph was undoing every knot in his muscles and plucking the tension from his whole body. One of Caesar’s own hands made its way onto the back of Joseph’s neck, fingertips resting in the short but soft hairs there. He wanted to stay there forever, to fall back asleep sitting upright. He almost did, until his body betrayed him and the sudden urge to cough his lungs out took over. 

Pulling back suddenly, he turned away and coughed into his elbow, deep and wet sounding. Joseph flinched back, turning away to quickly grab a glass of water from the side table. He tapped Caesar’s shoulder, pushing it up to his lips as he turned to face him. Caesar simply allowed it to happen, eyes heavily lidded and dazed. After half the water was gone, Joseph lowered the glass and set it on the table once again. Caesar noted in the back of his mind that the glass from earlier was gone, and there were more tablets waiting for him to take, along with what is presumably dinner.

“Better?” Joseph asked, hand rubbing between his shoulders. Caesar just hummed in response, not having the energy to talk. Besides, if he talked, he might start coughing again, and he didn’t want that. “I came to bring you dinner, but when I came in, you were calling for me.” Caesar didn’t respond or look at him this time, just stared off into nothingness. It did feel nice to hear Joseph’s voice, not yelling out in pain, just calm and soothing. “Were you having a bad dream?”

Images of Joseph’s unconscious (or maybe even dead) body limp in his hands flashed through his mind. He could smell the coppery blood, somehow. It burnt his nose like acid. He nodded his head in response, twisting his fingers into the sheets by his thighs. Joseph made a pitying ‘ aww ’ noise, continuing the circles on Caesar’s back. He stopped soon, however, to pick up the bowl of (you guessed it) vegetable soup. Caesar winced at the prospect of eating anything, let alone more stupid soup. The wince hurt his head, though. It seemed everything he did hurt his head. 

“Hey, you’re not the only one stuck eating soup all day,” Joseph said, dipping the spoon into the soup and blowing on it. “Suzie says she’s ‘working on something’, so she made one massive batch of soup at breakfast and hasn’t cooked since. What is Lisa Lisa even paying her for??” Joseph complained, dramatically waving the spoon in the air after he successfully fed Caesar a spoonful. It was just like before, with Joseph feeding him like a child, but Caesar was too out of it to protest. He simply leaned back against the headrest, lazily staring at Joseph as he rants. 

“Maybe Lisa Lisa and Suzie are having a secret lesbian affair,” Caesar said, blinking lazily at the man next to him. Joseph blinks back, stunned into silence. The spoon of soup is held paused halfway between them both. Joseph then snickered, like a schoolboy spreading rumours with his friends. 

“What about Messina and Loggins? Poor men only have each other, in that case.” 

“I’m pretty sure they’re both married to God,” Caesar said, deadpan. Joseph shoved the spoon in the Italians mouth quickly before doubling over in laughter. The sound was melodic to Caesar’s ears, rattling through and echoing in his mind. “‘m being therious,” Caesar drawled around the spoon in his mouth. Joseph pulled it away upon hearing his friend’s garbling.

“Oh man, who knew you were actually funny when you’re sick?” Joseph giggled out, feeding Caesar another spoonful. They were almost done with the soup. He gathered the last of the soup and fed it to Caesar. “Aaaaaaand we’re done~” 

Caesar knew he was being babied. Some distant part of his mind was screaming at him for letting it happen, but his mind was too foggy to care. In fact, he kind of wanted to be comforted right now. The banging behind his forehead came back in full force, making him want to curl up and cry. He brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, squeezing hard to make the pain dissipate. 

“Scooch over, I wanna lay down for a bit, I’m exhausted ,” Joseph pleaded, exaggeratedly slumping his shoulders. The bed was queen sized. It was big by normal standards, but Joseph and Caesar weren’t exactly normal sized themselves. Still, he shuffled over, laying back down and tugging up the sheets to his chin. Again, he almost fell asleep instantly, if it weren’t for Joseph kicking his shin. He let out a startled yelp, which turned into many, many coughs. Once he finally settled down, he glared at Joseph.

“What the hell do you want?” Caesar bit out, glaring at the brunette next to him that is trying to snatch all the blankets away. 

“You need to take your medicine again before you sleep, dummy,” Joseph said, pointing a finger over Caesar’s shoulder before settling laying on his back. Caesar followed the instructions without arguing and laid back down, staring at his impromptu bed partner. 

“Where did you learn the hamon sleep trick?” He asked. It had been tugging at his mind ever since it happened. Joseph didn’t know much about hamon prior to when they met, did he? Joseph started up at the ceiling more as he formulated his response.

“I practised it a lot on Suzie,” Joseph simply said. This only raised more questions.

“Does she have problems sleeping?” Caesar inquired, reevaluating every interaction he’s had with Suzie Q so far. He doesn’t think he’s noticed anything off with her?

“No, I do.” Joseph rolled onto his side to face Caesar, eyes scanning his blonde companion's face for any signs of what he was thinking. Caesar sniffled, looking into Joseph’s blueish eyes with a glazed over emotion. 

“The pillar men?” He asked, although he figured he was right without needing confirmation. Joseph sighed, bringing a hand up to tuck a stray strand of blonde behind Caesar’s ear.

“Yeah, something like that.”

It was unusually quiet between them. Normally,  they disagreed with each other on every account, yet not to an aggressive extent. They bickered. That would be the right word. Caesar captured Joseph’s hand before it could go back from whence it came. In the same fashion as earlier, he cradled it to his face, relishing in not only the coolness of it, but the comfort it gave. 

It’s been a long time since he was handled with care. He was the oldest of his siblings, so when his father abandoned them, he was forced to take on the caretaker role. He knew Joseph wouldn’t judge him for seeking comfort just this once. Joseph was insufferable, but he wasn’t an asshole. This notion was further enforced when Joseph ran his thumb along under his right eye, poking at the pink mark there. 

“Is that why you always wake up so late?” Caesar relished in the unspoken bond forming between them at that very moment. Maybe it had always been there, and all they needed was for one of them to be vulnerable and open up. Joseph shook his head, staring back into Caesar’s eyes unabashedly. 

“The trick doesn’t work on myself.” Joseph and Caesar were now whispering to each other. They had gotten so close, physically, that they needn’t raise their voices to hear each other. It was better on Caesar’s throat, anyway. 

Joseph moved his hand to Caesar’s neck, fingers brushing the long back part of his hair, while his palm cradled his jaw. The blonde brought his own hand up to Joseph’s hair, fingers twirling the long strands near the front. The brunette sighed, and Caesar’s eyes followed the movement of his lips. 

Wait, his lips? 

Caesar was just now realising that Joseph isn’t wearing the mask that Lisa Lisa has eternally forced him to wear. In fact, he hadn’t worn it in any of his visits today. Maybe he was allowed to take it off as a reward (unlikely), or he somehow took it off in secret (more likely). Whatever the reason, it was slightly odd to see Joseph’s mouth, let alone this up close. 

“Why aren’t you wearing the mask?” He asked. He wasn’t complaining, he just wanted to know whether he should hang around Joseph more tomorrow to be witness to the beating Lisa Lisa will be sure to give him.

“Hmm? You only just noticed my sexy lips are on full display?” Joseph puckered his lips and made a loud popping noise, winking at Caesar after the fact. Caesar’s mind was winding down, getting ready for a good night’s sleep, so he hadn’t really any energy to protest. He only lazily rolled his eyes, trying not to let his amused smirk be shown to Joseph. It seemed he noticed anyway. “You can’t deny that they’re perfect,” He carried on, snuggling a little bit closer to pester the blonde. “Caes~”

It was a nickname the Italian hadn’t heard before, and it probably wouldn’t be the last. It was the more tolerable of the nicknames, if he was being honest. Caesar’s fingers stopped fiddling with Joseph’s hair and moved to run through it like a massage, dragging his nails along the scalp. The taller man shivered, a full body tremor that Caesar could feel every moment of. 

“I’m not in the habit of lying, JoJo,” Caesar suavely spoke. No matter how ill he was, it was nice to know his charisma still worked. He watched Joseph’s pupils blow wide, eyelashes fluttering almost imperceptibly. Caesar moved the hand in Joseph’s hair to the back of his head, lining up the shot. Now all Caesar had to do was-

“Is this okay?” Joseph asked. It sent a thrill shooting up the blonde’s spine, making him twitch in anticipation. 

“That was my line,” was all he could say in response before he found Joseph’s lips upon his own. They weren’t chapped like his own, they really were perfect. It lasted only a second before Joseph pulled back, opening his mouth to say something. Caesar wanted none of it. He pushed forwards again, this time using his hand on Joseph’s head to guide them to a sickeningly sweet angle. It wasn’t long before the blonde insisted on prying open Joseph’s mouth with his tongue, claiming the slick cavern as his own. Joseph moaned out in bliss, moving both his hands into the blonde locks before him and tugging with fervour. It drew a high-pitched needy noise from Caesar that he hadn’t expected from himself.

Caesar felt his face heat up, not with fever, but with embarrassment. He wasn’t expecting to discover a new kink in his time preparing for the battle to save humanity, but here he was, mortifyingly whining into Joseph’s mouth. It didn’t go unnoticed by Joseph either, who took the initiative to roll on top of Caesar and trap him between his arms.

Joseph chuckled in victory. Of course this would be a competition to him. Though just like everything else that’s transpired today, Caesar is too sick to be self-conscious right now. Instead, he reached up, beginning to slide his fingers under the bottom of Joseph’s ridiculously form-fitting crop top, and hoisted it up, as far as Joseph’s arms would allow.

“If you don’t let me take this off, I’m going to tear it in half,” he said, giving it one last encouraging tug before Joseph lifted his arms up and complied with his demands. He knew the Italian well enough to know he was being serious. Once that was off, Caesar opened his legs to accommodate the man on top of him, getting a familiar thrill he hadn’t felt in a while from their hips sliding together. Letting out a shaky moan, Joseph lowered his head and went to work on peppering wet, open-mouthed kisses to Caesar’s neck and chest, seeing as he was already wearing next to nothing. 

Clawing his hands down Joseph’s back, Caesar arched his back, attempting to get closer, closer, closer to the warmth that is JoJo. Joseph moved to the junction of Caesar’s neck and shoulder, sucking intently when he felt the blonde in his arms squirm. He bit, licked, and tormented that one spot, delighting in the quickening of breath between them. Caesar grabbed his cheeks with both hands, pulling his face away from his neck and kissing the man above him once again. He couldn’t get enough of it.

Their kissing had devolved into open-mouthed messes. They breathed the same breath, panting into each other’s open mouths. Caesar took charge and guided their tongues together, the area around their lips and chin becoming drenched in saliva. When Joseph tucked his hands under his back and hugged Caesar closer, allowing for the friction of their hips to grow ten times more intense, they both froze with a jerk. 

Caesar, at this point, was painfully hard, and he was sick of Joseph’s jeans existing. In one expert manoeuvre, he undid the belt and slid it out of the belt loops before Joseph could even try to help. The button on his pants and the zipper met such the same fate, and they dropped in an instant. Joseph could comment on it, make a joke, but Caesar didn’t allow a single word to escape his mouth before he attacked it again, nibbling on his bottom lip. He slid his hands up to Joseph’s shoulders, before flipping them both over and taking his pants fully off, discarding them on the floor. 

Joseph let out a low whistle. “I bet you charm all the ladies with that move,” he said, tugging Caesar closer on top of him so he could kiss him once again. 

“Ladies don’t usually try to top me,” he said in response, pressing his palm on JoJo’s abs and letting his other hand explore lower. He ran the back of his fingers along the straining erection in Joseph’s underwear, pleased with the shuddering breath he let out as a result. His legs spread wider, inviting Caesar in. “What will it be, JoJo~?” he asked, his native accent seeping in the more he lost control. “My mouth, or my hand?”

“Hand. Dear god, hand, I don’t think I could last more than ten seconds if you sucked me off,” Joseph ranted, arching his back and trailing his hands down Caesar’s muscular shoulders and arms. Caesar smirked at the wreck beneath him, flushed and panting.

“Good choice, stellina .” That was all the warning Joseph got before his straining erection was finally free from the confine of his underwear. It sprung free and slapped his stomach once before Caesar eagerly took hold of it, causing Joseph to gasp in surprise. He couldn’t have imagined how hot it would be for Caesar to touch him so, nor could he have imagined the tight, hot coil building in his abdomen. He positively keened, throwing his head back, arms coming to clutch the pillow under his head. Caesar began to stroke him, not even daring to go easy on him. He went full throttle, using the generous amount of precum already leaking from the tip to lubricate it. When that was no longer enough, he slowed down, lifting his other hand to Joseph’s mouth.

It took a moment for Joseph to get the hint, as Caesar prodded at his lower lip. When he finally understood, he opened his mouth, allowing the hand entrance. It turned him on more than he thought it would. He sucked on the hand, licking it and panting around it as he was being drawn closer to the edge. All the while, Caesar’s dick was left unattended, still trapped in his underwear. Joseph couldn’t allow that. When he removed his hand from his mouth, Joseph reached down and set it free, mouth watering from the sight of it. 

Joseph was above average, and it seemed so was Caesar. The blonde gritted his teeth upon feeling the cool air on his cock, surprised by the sudden turn of events. He ground his hips into Joseph’s, groaning upon feeling his touch without any barriers. Joseph snatched Caesar’s head in his hands and brought their mouths together in a sloppy kiss. He encouraged Caesar to keep moving, sliding his body up into his. He needed no more encouragement, it seemed, as he set the rhythm for them both. Caesar used his hand to take hold of both their erections, his hand still slick and providing an even better means of getting off. 

Joseph, like with every aspect of his life, was very loud . Caesar should have predicted it, honestly. The welcome addition of Joseph’s loud, sultry moans went straight to his dick. Joseph’s moans were deteriorating into a babbling nothingness, a clear indicator that he was about to climax. Caesar picked up the pace, grabbing hold of Joseph’s back with his free arm and tucking his head, burying his face into his chest. He pumped their cocks together as fast as he could, meeting every thrust Joseph made. 

He felt Joseph tense up beneath him, breath caught in his throat. He was silent for a moment before letting out the loudest, deepest groan he’s heard so far as Caesar felt his hand get coated with what was presumably cum. Caesar came soon after, biting into Joseph’s peck as he tensed up and let the waves of pleasure flow through him. He wasn’t much quieter himself. He collapsed onto Joseph, uncaring of how heavy he knows he is. He can’t keep himself upright anymore. He brought his hands up to around JoJo’s neck, laying between his legs and tucking his head under his chin. He buried his nose into Joseph’s collarbone, pressing soft kisses along the lines of it. 

He felt a hand run through his hair, soft and gentle. He hummed in appreciation, closing his eyes and cuddling Joseph closer. Joseph must have wanted to breathe properly because he rolled Caesar over back to his original side of the bed. He didn’t stray too far, though, opting to tuck Caesar under his chin and wrap his arms around him snugly. Caesar was completely fine with this new position, grabbing the sheets and covering them both to the shoulders. He snuggled into Joseph’s neck, kissing it a couple times. He felt Joseph press one last kiss to the top of his hair before he finally fell asleep, exhausted beyond belief. Joseph was just as tired, falling asleep only minutes after Caesar. He enjoyed the few minutes he got to enjoy holding Caesar while awake, but he was sure he’d still be there in the morning.

Notes:

I hope I'm not just a fanfic author to you guys, but also, someone with impeccable grammar <3

I'm thinking my next fic (Caejose bc theyre OTP) will either be fake dating or "there was only one bed :o". Any suggestions? If it's fake dating, it wouldn't be canon compliant, it'd have to be AU. What tf would they fake date for in canon? To annoy Kars??

Anyway, all comments and kudos will bring a tear to my eye. Thank you for making it this far and have a lovely day/night!