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It's Only the Ocean (and You)

Summary:

Bucky's used to performing for kids. Prefers it, actually--adults can be really dismissive (or worse, totally into it and grabby). Still, when Natasha tells him he's helping her perform at the summer Maria Stark Foundation gala, he doesn't say no.

Notes:

iam93percentstardust said "what if mermaids used their mermaidiness to go into business" and I was like "that's such a good idea! but what if I did it on a smaller scale" because I felt like only in a smaller, private performance could I make them embarrass themselves properly. Definitely go check out her fic! It's much better than mine because there's more world building and her characters are earnest. Mine are stupid and horny.

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It's Only the Ocean (and You)

 

Bucky was used to being hired for birthday parties. He worked well with kids, probably because he had so many little sisters. Turns out, most kids were the same, no matter the species. He’d even venture to say merfolk were worse—he’d gotten bitten more by wee merfolk than human children, and merfolk had sharp teeth. In fact, he was so good with kids that most other performers would give parents and schools his information to get out of performing themselves.

 

So he was very surprised when Natasha found him at the bar one night and said, “You’re working a company job with me.”

 

Bucky blinked at her owlishly over his beer. “What? Like a daycare or something?”

 

Natasha turned from receiving her own glass to give him an entirely derisive stare. “Corporate, you idiot.”

 

“Why would you want me to do a corporate job with you?” Bucky asked, brows furrowing together. “Usually, if you need a partner, you wrangle Steve or Sharon.” He waved at his hair. “Something about the blondes.”

 

“I ask Steve and Sharon because they don’t have resting bitch faces,” Natasha deadpanned.

 

Bucky opened his mouth, then closed it again, unable to help conceding. He did have a pretty mean resting face. It was just that most kids chalked it up to him being disgruntled about human life and wanting to go back to the sea that he got away with it. “That still doesn’t explain why you want me. I’m a kiddy pool guy, not a lie around and look sexy guy,” he finally said when she wasn’t forthcoming.

 

“You could be if you weren’t a coward,” Natasha said.

 

Bucky slanted her an unimpressed scowl, lifting his beer to sip at it again with all the judgment he could exude. He set it down a little harder than necessary. “What do you want?”

 

“It’s the Maria Stark Foundation’s summer gala. The pool is huge, and Sharon can’t make it. Family thing, I think. Anyway, Steve is down, but we need a third. Ideally, I’ll find a fourth. Maybe Sam.”

 

“Maria Stark Foundation,” Bucky repeated quietly, frowning in thought.

 

The Maria Stark Foundation’s summer gala was one of their biggest charity events—maybe second only to their Christmas event, and only because people were more likely to give during the holidays. At least, Bucky had heard. He went home during the winter. He’d seen snow once and that was enough. His human body wasn’t as good at regulating cold as his mer-form. Still, he’d seen pictures; opulent dining rooms and flocked trees and clothes that cost more than his rent. He had also seen pictures of Maria and Tony Stark sitting on the floor with impoverished children, handing out presents, knowing that the kids would get to go to a home with their families and stay there with the foundation’s support.

 

“So it’s gonna support more impoverished families?” Bucky asked after a moment.

 

Natasha shrugged. “Yeah. Providing money for summer programs, I think. There’ll be a separate party where the kids will be there—I sent them your contact info already—but this one’s strictly to coax money out of rich people’s pocketbooks. I’ve got a costume for you,” she added, pulling out her phone. “This is more ‘elegant siren’ than ‘The Little Mermaid.’” She turned her phone to him so he could see the photo. “I want everything back though.”

 

Bucky frowned at the picture thoughtfully. A simple but elegant crown in silver and dark metal, arm bands of matching material. A necklace made of shiny purple shells. “No coverup?” he asked, just curious. Sometimes when he did kid shows, he wore the merfolk equivalent of a tunic top, because humans had a really weird sense of propriety and apparently a man’s naked chest was too much for the kids. He contended that it was mostly the parents with a problem, but having been on the wrong end of a grabby mother’s pinch, he wasn’t foolish enough to point it out.

 

“Of course no coverup,” Natasha scoffed, then paused, frowning. “Oh, you wouldn’t know. We’re literally just invited to be eye candy for Tony Stark.”

 

“…Um,” Bucky began, trying to figure out a way to ask for more information without feeling stupid. Finally, he gave up. “Why?”

 

“So, Tony Stark insists that he was saved by a mermaid from drowning when he was a kid,” Natasha explained, shrugging. She was clearly not bothered by having to tell him, and he wondered how much of it was because he’d come to the human world already an adult, whereas she’d had to grow up among them as a child. “His parents indulged him, probably out of guilt because he almost drowned and they weren’t around to save him. Then he got into college when he turned fourteen and he was planning on becoming a marine biologist. It was all he’d ever dreamed of. He planned on proving that mermaids existed.”

 

Bucky frowned, crossing his arms and leaning them on the bar. “He’s not a marine biologist though,” he said confused.

 

“His parents seemed to think they’d indulged him enough by that point,” Natasha answered, and she actually… looked a bit sympathetic? Normally she didn’t care about humans beyond earning money from them so she could continue to live among them. He’d have to figure out what that soft spot was about.

 

“So they didn’t let him major in what he wanted,” Bucky surmised, unable to help feeling sorry for him as well.

 

Natasha shrugged, turning back to her own beer and setting her phone on the bar. “Yeah. Went into engineering just like his parents wanted. He says he’s happy, mostly. Sometimes we talk, after all the guests go home and I’m helping clean up in the tank.” She frowned down at her beer for a moment, then looked back up at him. “His mother pays for our shows. I think she realized that he could have been just as happy in marine biology, and they took that away from him to get him to snap out of thinking he was rescued by a mermaid. We’re an olive branch to make sure he keeps coming to the galas, because he’s mentioned how he hates gladhanding people. I don’t usually like having to be sexy, because the guests can be so gross, but Tony is always so earnest when we talk about the ocean. He doesn’t believe he was rescued by a mermaid anymore,” she added sadly. “He’s been put down by society so much, he doesn’t believe they exist.”

 

Bucky took a slow sip of his beer to hide his own frown. On one hand, it was good that Tony had given up on their existence. It was always bad news when a human found out. On the other, it was kind of sad, how he’d wanted to go into studying the ocean and he’d not been allowed. There were plenty of things to study besides ‘myths.’ “How do you know he was actually rescued by a mermaid?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

Natasha gave him another very derisive stare. “Because Steve said his mom rescued him when she saw him flailing under the pier at Coney Island when he first saw Tony’s face on a billboard, you fucking buffoon.”

 

Bucky choked on his beer.

 

.-.

 

The ‘pool’ provided was a fucking fountain with a waterfall. Bucky gaped at the pool as Natasha and Sam ducked under the water. It must have been deeper than it looked. He could taste the salt in the water and couldn’t help feeling further impressed, because it must have been wreaking havoc on the water pumps sucking the water up to go cascading down the rock wall.

 

“Impressed?” Steve asked, amused, as he carefully pulled the sapphire-blue armbands Natasha had forced on him up to his biceps.

 

“One time I was left in a literal kiddy pool. You know, one of the little blue plastic ones?” Bucky replied, using a couple bobby pins to keep his crown affixed to his head like Natasha had shown him earlier.

 

Steve barked out a laugh. “Yeah, I can see how this might be a little more impressive.” He made sure his bracelets were on correctly then pushed himself into the water. “The rocks are big enough for three of us to bask at once while someone does laps to look impressive. Usually me,” he added under his breath gripingly.

 

“Have you seen your trapezius muscles?” Bucky deadpanned.

 

“You know, Natasha has a really impressive back, too,” Steve complained. “She doesn’t even need a swimming start to pull herself out of the pool.”

 

Natasha came swimming by. “Yeah, but Tony has a type and it’s triangles.”

 

“You’re two triangles!” Steve bellowed.

 

Natasha paused, bewildered. “I’m glad you think I have an hourglass figure, I guess? Except I’ve got a boyfriend, Steve. I have you show off because you’re single. Sam and Sharon are dating too, so it just feels sort of disrespectful to show them off when Tony doesn’t have a chance.”

 

“Are you saying that Tony has a chance with Steve?” Bucky asked, frowning in confusion.

 

“I’m not pimping anyone out or anything, I just think that Tony deserves some guilt-free ogling,” Natasha scoffed, glaring at them both. “He’s super respectful of other people’s relationships. Mostly because he wants one of his own,” she added to herself. “Personally I’m glad he’s stopped coming around with whatshername.”

 

“Are we talking about Sunset?” Sam asked, swimming over to them. “Most people think she was just with him to steal some tech plans. Some Stark-looking technology started being produced by Baintronics right after their super public breakup.”

 

“Does this guy ever catch a break?!” Bucky sputtered, horrified.

 

Natasha made a very mean face at him. “Why do you think I go out of my way to ask my most beautiful friends to come show off for him at these galas? I’m gonna do a flip.”

 

“I’m gonna do two flips,” Sam said.

 

Bucky watched as he and Natasha immediately got into a vigorous splash fight, sniping at each other over how they would impress Tony more. Then he turned back to Steve, who was carefully doing stretches. “No comment on this nonsense? You gonna triple flip? Do some sort of axel?”

 

“I’m just gonna let Tony feel my muscles,” Steve replied with a bland shrug. “He always gets a kick out of the fact that I only let him do it and not any of the other party goers.”

 

Bucky couldn’t help the laugh that shook loose of him at that.

 

.-.

 

It seemed like they really were only there for Tony Stark.

 

Other party patrons would come by and watch them idly, maybe even take the business cards Natasha had set out to contact them for private events before they wandered away. Tony stayed close, though, eyes lingering on shimmering scales, mouth dropping open into an impressed little ‘o’ at Natasha and Sam’s flips, hand reverent as it traced the muscles of Steve’s back. Bucky took some of Steve’s laps so that he was allowed to lounge (he argued that even though he wasn’t looking, he still wasn’t attached, and Natasha knew he liked to show off). He splashed at Tony and smiled cheekily when he laughed, ducking under the water and appearing on the opposite side of the pool so the cup Tony jokingly threatened him with never would have hit him if he’d thrown it.

 

Sometimes his mother would come over and watch, and she’d look wistful. Bucky got the impression that this was where Natasha drew her ‘parental guilt’ conclusions. He couldn’t really fault her for it, either—Maria and Tony’s smiles were strained when aimed at each other, and she eventually drifted off back to her husband and some other party goers to mingle. Howard never came over, and when Bucky peeked over the decorative plants around the pool, he noticed that the man sometimes shot the pool disgusted looks.

 

What an asshole.

 

“So how come I’ve never seen you before?” Tony asked as he pulled himself up to delicately pull a canape off of his plate.

 

“I do kids stuff, mostly. Natasha asked me to do this as a favor because Sharon couldn’t come,” Bucky answered, putting the canape in his mouth. He chewed, wondered if it would be poor form to spit it back out because something in it was sour, then forced himself to swallow it.

 

“That was leaning against my lemon wedge, sorry,” Tony said, frowning. He turned his plate to offer him a different hors d’oeuvre. “This is a crab puff.”

 

“Thanks,” Bucky replied, plucking it from the plate and popping it into his mouth. He chewed and swallowed, then continued, “Not gonna lie, this setup is sweet, but I think I like the parties with kids better. They get more involved. Even if I hafta pretend my favorite food is seaweed.”

 

Tony smiled a little, tilting his head. “Why do you have to pretend your favorite food is seaweed?”

 

“They cry when I say flounder because they think I ate Ariel’s best friend,” Bucky deadpanned. “And parents like it when I say seaweed because it makes the kids eat their vegetables.”

 

Tony’s mouth dropped open in surprise. Bucky found himself absolutely loving the way he tipped his head back to laugh from deep in his belly, apparently delighted by his answer.

 

Natasha’s head poked out of the water beside him, and she narrowed her eyes. Bucky glared back at her, because he was ninety-percent certain that her lips were spread into a smirk under the waterline. He considered dunking her, but she was in prime position to punch him right in the tail where it would hurt the most.

 

“Well, I know we have some events for the kids lined up this summer,” Tony said once he’d calmed down. He reached out to pick up one of Bucky’s business cards to examine it. “I’ll float the idea to Mom. I know some of the events aren’t appropriate, but I’m pretty sure they have a day at our lake house. Might be neat if a merman jumped out of the water.” He raised an eyebrow speculatively. “You can jump, right? So far I’ve only seen Sam and Natasha jump.”

 

Natasha finally breached the water completely to complain, “Look what you’ve done.”

 

“What have I done?” Tony asked, confused.

 

Bucky turned without another word, diving under the water. He went as deep into the pool as he could go, then began circling the bottom of the pool. Slowly, at first, then faster, picking up speed steadily until the water was swirling in the same direction he was going. Then he turned sharply, toward the middle of the pool, using his speed to break the water and propel himself up into the air.

 

The pool was too small to do the flips and twirls he wanted to do, but he got enough air to do one good flip and then land on the basking rocks in the middle on his hands, tail extended up toward the ceiling, fins spread out wide and high so that they caught they light and sparkled silver in dozens of different shades. He carefully turned on his hands when he didn’t hear any clapping. Usually, people got a kick out of it. Had Tony not liked it?

 

Tony was gaping up at him, mouth hanging open, almost like he’d meant to scream but couldn’t get it out. His hands were empty. Bucky frowned in concern, because he’d been holding a champagne glass and a half-full plate of hors d’oeuvres. To his horror, as he watched, Tony began falling backward, disappearing from view by the edge of the pool.

 

“Tony!” Natasha gasped, stunned.

 

Bucky tumbled from the basking rocks to swim over quickly. Steve and Sam were already clambering over the edge of the pool, inelegant as they always were. Bucky was used to squirming children and reckless siblings, though, so he was quick to catch up, heaving himself up to the top of the side of the pool.

 

Tony was laid out flat on the ground, staring up at the ceiling. His mouth was still open. He eventually closed it. He made a squeaking sound.

 

“Look what you did,” Natasha whispered murderously.

 

Bucky sank back into the water, anxious that she might shove two clawed fingers between his ribs. “Uh.”

 

“I regret ever bringing you here,” Natasha hissed through gritted teeth, following him across the pool as he frantically paddled to stay out of her grip. “You were supposed to be eye candy, Bucky, you weren’t supposed to make him have a stroke, he’s my biggest customer I’ll fucking kill you—”

 

“Wait,” Bucky said frantically. “Wait! He was fine!” Natasha darted at him, and Bucky screamed and flailed out of her way just barely. “Natasha!”

 

Steve swam over to his rescue, hooking an arm around her waist and dragging her away. “Tony is fine. He’s sitting up and counting Sam’s fingers and everything.”

 

“If you cost me this job,” Natasha snarled at Bucky anyway.

 

Bucky quickly swam back over to Sam, who was diligently holding up different numbers of fingers for Tony to count until he was satisfied. “Tony?” he asked, concerned.

 

“Oh my god,” Tony squeaked, face flushing bright red.

 

Bucky blinked at him, concerned. “Are you okay?” He looked around to see if anyone else was coming to help him, then scowled when he realized that no one seemed to have noticed that Tony had almost passed out. “What the hell? You went down like a fucking tree. People should be swarming over to see if you’re okay.”

 

“You really don’t know anything about these parties, do you?” Tony asked him pityingly.

 

Bucky gaped at him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

 

“Maybe it’s best you don’t know,” Sam offered, and Tony nodded in agreement.

 

Bucky scowled, but Sam and Tony seemed unmoved. “This is why I stick to kids’ parties,” he finally mumbled, and went behind the basking rocks to sulk.

 

.-.

 

Natasha found him at the beach a week later, sour-faced as she swam out to the little shelf of land only available at low tide that humans didn’t dare try for. “Tony wants me to give you his number.”

 

“Did he lose my business card?” Bucky asked in concern.

 

Natasha looked quite put out as she heaved herself onto the outcropping of rocks beside him. “No, you idiot. He wants me to give you his personal number.” When Bucky just blinked at her, uncomprehending, she sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. “He wants to date you. Or fuck you?” she added, squinting thoughtfully. “I’m not really sure. He said your thighs must be super powerful with the way you propelled yourself out the water and he’s always looking for a new seat.”

 

Bucky perked up. “He can sit on my face instead of my thighs.”

 

“It is never too late to murder you,” Natasha replied flatly. “And actually the muscles translate. It’s super unfair how muscular your thighs are.”

 

Bucky squinted at her. “Can’t you kill a man with your thighs?”

 

“Of course, but what Tony wants doesn’t have anything to do with murder. Besides, I’m aware of how attractive my friends are, and your thighs are a sight to behold,” Natasha said. She glared at him again. “But I don’t wanna give you his number if you’re going to be a dick about it. You’re the first person he’s liked that isn’t evil.”

 

“I could be evil, you don’t know,” Bucky muttered, just to be contrary.

 

Natasha gave him a look that clearly conveyed he was an idiot and incapable of being truly evil. Her eyebrows said a lot. “Am I giving you his number or not? Full disclosure, he is not capable of casual relationships despite saying he totally is. He’ll eventually fall in love with you and keep it to himself until you finally notice.”

 

“Are you saying that you’ve watched that happen?” Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

 

“Yes, because he’s an idiot who doesn’t learn,” Natasha answered, although she did look at least a little sorry about it. “Usually his partners stop seeing him then, because it always feels like too much to know that he’s in love with them and they don’t feel the same way.”

 

“And you trust me with that?” Bucky asked her, skeptical again, because it was clear she was more friendly with Tony than she let on. He’d have to pester Steve about the details later. “You know my reputation is ‘kind of a slut, but polite about it,’ right?”

 

Natasha pushed herself up so that she was hovering over him menacingly, glare acidic. “I literally already told you that I don’t know whether Tony meant for dating and feelings or if he meant he wants to sit on your dick. Tony is a grown man and can make his own decisions. That’s why I’m here, offering you his personal number. Do you fucking want it or not?”

 

Bucky grabbed the waterproof bag he kept his things in more on instinct than anything. “Sure.” He pulled out a hand towel and his phone and handed them to her. “Put a peach by his name.”

 

“Fucking asshole, making me intimidate you when you were clearly already looking at his goods,” Natasha muttered, drying her hands so she could use his touch screen. “‘Put a peach next to his name.’ I should kick your ass. Slap you with my tail when I leave. Something. You deserve it.”

 

“How is it my fault that I have eyes,” Bucky complained. “He turned to get more hors d’oeuvres and his slacks were tailored.”

 

“I suppose that’s better than what Steve said the first time he saw it,” Natasha muttered, then yelped in surprise when he grabbed her arm to pull her closer. “I’ll drop your fucking phone!”

 

“What did Steve say when he first saw Tony’s ass? I need to be able to make fun of him. I may die if you don’t tell me and I’m only partially joking,” Bucky told her.

 

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him, considering, then slapped his phone into his hand. “You’ll owe me for the information.”

 

Bucky took the phone to put it back in his bag, unwilling to chance it getting wet. He didn’t think Natasha would be so generous with Tony’s number again. “Sure, fine. I need you to understand that if I have the opportunity to make fun of Steve, I would be willing to sell up to half my soul for the information to do so.”

 

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be best friends?” Natasha asked, frowning a little.

 

“Of course. If you knew even half the embarrassing things Sam tells Steve about me to make fun of me, you’d understand. What did Steve say when he saw Tony’s ass?” Bucky added, prodding at her impatiently.

 

She gave his hand a dirty look, smacking it away sharply, then looked back up at his face. “He said that Tony turned to leave, and his ass followed him ten minutes later.”

 

“Yes,” Bucky hissed immediately, triumphant. He had already thought of three ways to make fun of Steve, and he was sure he’d come up with dozens more before he next saw him. Then he paused, frowning. “I mean. He’s not wrong though.”

 

“It really is unfair how nice his ass is,” Natasha sighed. Then she smirked. “He’s let me touch it. It feels as good as it looks.”

 

“I want to be jealous but mostly I just want to know how that came up,” Bucky admitted.

 

Natasha shrugged, stretching out so she could bask in the sun. “I asked him if he ever got teased because he was always feeling my muscles when usually it’s the other way around, and he said he doesn’t really care and he likes when women can bench press him. He said if I felt awkward about it, I could touch his butt. I didn’t, but like. I’d be stupid to not take the opportunity, right?”

 

“He’s so fucking weird,” Bucky said, but he found he didn’t actually mind that when he thought about it. “I hope that translates to being a freak in the bedroom.”

 

Natasha slanted him a sharp look. “He is. He tells me about it against my will.”

 

Bucky raised an eyebrow at her, unconvinced. “I feel like you’re just saying that for my benefit.”

 

“If I told him to stop telling me shit, he would. But then I wouldn’t learn things like one time his date said she could shove her fist into her mouth, and then they spent the night at the ER because yeah, she could, but she couldn’t get it back out. He said it was one of his better dates.”

 

“Jeez,” Bucky sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. “If you’re going to hog my ledge, keep telling me about him so I can figure out what kind of date to take him on.”

 

“No,” Natasha told him, but then she continued, “He’s not picky, you could literally take him anywhere. I’m telling you about the time I watched him accidentally-on-purpose spill wine on a senator and how his mother was proud of him for it.”

 

Bucky rubbed his face a little longer, then sighed, spreading himself out to bask again as well. “Yeah, okay.”

 

.-.

 

Bucky thought very carefully about opening lines and how to navigate a relationship with a human when he was merfolk. How far should he allow himself to go? He’d heard that sometimes interspecies relationships worked really well, and Tony didn’t seem like the type to go to the press and say ‘my boyfriend was a mermaid’ if they broke up. There were a lot of things that could still go wrong, though, especially if he’d believed in merfolk before and had had that belief beaten out of him by life. He wanted to be delicate about the whole thing.

 

He picked up his phone to frown at what he’d finally decided on, wondering why the ‘unsend’ option hadn’t been invented yet. Hey, did you want to date me or did you want to sit on my dick?

 

It had been an hour. He had probably blown his chances. Literally anything would have been better than that, even the stupid ‘hey’ he’d started with and kept deleting and retyping. He wondered if he should send a text to Natasha to grovel for forgiveness. He hoped that she’d put Tony’s number in wrong, but she was always super meticulous about that stuff.

 

He could always move back into the ocean permanently, he supposed.

 

His phone vibrated. Hopefully it was Steve warning him to flee the apartment because Natasha was coming for him.

 

Both, the text said. Bucky stared at it, uncomprehending. Then his phone vibrated again, and another text appeared beneath it. Either.

 

This was a bad idea, Bucky figured, as he texted back, Can’t wait for you to sit on my face.