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James frowned down at his soulflowers. Often they took the form of gardenias and clovers, but at the moment, he could only observe bellwort blossoms and yellow anemones. His soulmate’s mood had shifted from feelings of admiration and pining to hopelessness and fragility. James wracked his brain trying to figure out who it could have been but came up with nothing.
Even an incidental touch could have set their soulflowers into blooming. It could have been as innocent and fleeting as brushing past each other in the hallway or working together in class. It could have even been the ghost of fingertips against one another while they passed food around at mealtime. He had no way of knowing, and the longer he had to search for them, the more frantic he felt.
He just couldn’t think of anyone he’d knowingly touched recently. He’d checked all of his friends and housemates and none of them had soulflowers on their inner left forearm. He just couldn’t let it continue with his soulmate evidently spiraling into some sort of deep depression. He understood, in a sense. His chest physically ached the longer they spent time apart, and the pain would only grow unless they managed to find each other again.
Most of the time, soulflowers didn’t activate so easily or incidentally, but occasionally it happened. It usually meant an intense soulbond with significant consequences if those bonded didn’t accept the other. It weighed heavily on his mind to the extent that it pushed nearly all other concerns to the wayside. He couldn’t focus for more than ten or fifteen minutes before his thoughts inevitably drifted toward his poor, spiraling soulmate.
James sighed, rolled down his sleeve, and decided to get some sleep. He packed up his things since he hadn’t been working on his Charms essay for the last half hour anyway, too preoccupied with his soulmate issues. Sirius, Remus, and Peter had noticed and accordingly given him space. Though Sirius and Remus had bloomed together on the train ride to Hogwarts at the start of their first year, they understood the yearning he felt. You never saw one without the other. They orbited each other the way the earth orbited the sun, always ensnared in each other’s gravity.
Sometimes when James saw their twined fingers, he just knew he had to be making marigolds bloom on his soulmate, a visual representation of his jealousy etched into their skin. Not that he wanted to be with Remus or Sirius, but rather that he wanted to be like them. He felt ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. Every time they looked at each other, his stomach churned and knotted with anxiety and longing. How could he not know his match? How had he passed them by so casually without a second glance?
James got ready for bed while trying not to look at where Remus and Sirius cuddled in Sirius’ bed, eyes stinging and throat bobbing as if he had to physically restrain tears. He wasn’t some crybaby. Why the hell did he feel so emotional every time he laid eyes on them?
He took his glasses off and scrubbed his hand down his face. He knew why. Literal lovesickness. His heart literally ached with the desire to, if nothing else, lay eyes on his soulmate just once; to hold their hand for the first time; to pull them into his arms and surround himself with their presence; to inhale their scent and press his lips onto theirs. He needed to hear or feel their heartbeat, to touch them. And judging by his soulflowers, his soulmate had it worse off than he did, though he had no idea why. He climbed wearily into bed, sighing again and closing his eyes, wishing he would have a soulflower dream to at least get a hint about his soulmate.
He awoke the next morning feeling no better than when he laid down, and to his disappointment, no soulflower dreams came to him. He showered and dressed himself on autopilot, somehow making it down to the common room with his wardrobe in order. His hair obviously didn’t matter. It did whatever it wanted anyway, so why bother? He almost seriously considered getting locs just so it would stop tangling right back up between when he finished detangling it and when he tried braiding it less than a minute later.
Somehow, he made it downstairs before his three friends or their occasional tagalong, Frank Longbottom, but he didn’t have to wait long. Soon enough the three joined him. Sirius and Remus came down together, followed down by Peter and Frank not long afterward.
“Bloody hell, you’re sleeping worse than Remus,” the eldest Black blurted as soon as he caught sight of the worse-for-wear Potter with a nearly palpable cloud of gloom hanging over him.
James cringed.
Remus elbowed Sirius then sent his friend a sympathetic look. “No luck, then?”
James shook his head and exhaled with all the weariness of someone who’d suffered an entire decade. He’d think himself dramatic if prolonged soulmate separation didn’t cause literal physical, mental, and spiritual symptoms. Symptoms that would only worsen every day they spent apart. At its extreme, the toll it took on them might even affect their magic.
“That’s rough, mate,” Frank told him consolingly, wearing an understanding expression. “I can’t imagine being apart from Alice for so long. I’m sure you’ll find them soon though.”
“Right. Soon.”
Even James could hear the lack of energy and belief in his voice, but no one commented on it as the group of friends exited Gryffindor Tower and made the trek to the Great Hall. Once inside, Frank led everyone to where his soulmate, Alice Lestrange, sat across from their friend Lily Evans. Lily’s two soulmates, one platonic and one romantic, sat on either side of her. James barely suppressed a scowl at the sight of Severus Snape, but one quelling glare from two different redheads had him smoothing his facial expression into something more agreeable.
“Sorry,” he muttered. “Habit.”
He’d had a crush on Lily outside of both of their soulmate bonds in his first two years at Hogwarts, but she’d made her disinterest clear and he decided to respect her boundaries. That and she took extreme offense to any slights against her soulmates. James figured he really didn’t need his body parts strewn around the school after being violently dismembered, thank you, so he left both Mary and Severus well enough alone. And that only took Lily into account since Mary also fancied using creative hexes and jinxes if anyone upset Lily, and Merlin help him if he gave all three an excuse to rearrange his face (or his spine).
He didn’t envy those Slytherins who tried attacking Severus when they found out about Lily and Mary. Apparently they’d all received some rather nasty injuries in retaliation for the attack, and Severus had been transferred to Ravenclaw despite his initial Sorting. Occasionally, due to the House, family-clan, or blood status of their soulmate, a student had to be switched to different accommodations for their own safety. Severus had been one such case, and while he initially seemed upset about having to change House, he ultimately thrived in Ravenclaw.
James jolted out of his thoughts when Sirius threw an arm around his shoulders and tugged him into his side as he sat. Remus dropped down next to Sirius, and Peter tagged himself on last.
“Cheer up, James. I’m sure you’ll find your soulmate soon enough.”
Lily paused between bites to shoot him a concerned look. “You still haven’t found them?”
“Unfortunately not.”
“Damn. That’s really too bad,” Alice added as they twined their fingers with Frank’s and leaned their head on his shoulder. “It doesn’t usually take this long for someone to find their soulmate.”
“I know.” He glowered dejectedly at the plate of bacon nearby, eyeing it with malice. “It’s frustrating. We’re already in our fifth year.”
Lily made an empathetic sound and scooped a healthy helping into his dish, then bumped shoulders with him. “The castle is a finite space, James. It can’t be too hard to track them down can it?”
“You would think not, but it’s been two and a half years and I still don’t know who they could have been. I don’t touch that many people, you know.”
Remus snorted into his apple juice. “Maybe don’t word it quite that way?”
Sirius cackled, making James crack a reluctant smile that quickly vanished as his soulflowers tingled, catching his attention. When he rolled his sleeve up to check on them, he found a distressing combination of white daffodils, willow, and yellow carnations blossoming beautifully amongst his previous flowers in a melancholy display of rejection, sadness, and unrequited love. It hit him then that his soulmate thought he couldn’t or wouldn’t love them, and it broke his heart. Why had his soulflowers progressed to that state? What could have made today so much worse than yesterday?
His head jerked up in sudden alertness as, at the Slytherin table, a distraught Regulus Black jumped up and ran out of the Great Hall. Without thinking, he shrugged off Sirius’ arm and leapt to follow him. He felt like he needed to reach him. His legs propelled him forward past a row of bewildered housemates. He didn’t stop when he reached the doorway. Instead, he glanced around until he latched onto Regulus disappearing into the dungeons. He darted after him, still unsure of what made him tail him through the drafty halls. He only slowed when Regulus ducked into an empty classroom and slammed the door.
Approaching it at a saner pace, he edged up to the door and tested the handle. Locked. Rather than barging in, he used the one brain cell he reserved for tact and critical thinking and knocked, at first softly then with more force.
“Regulus?”
Regulus didn’t answer. Why the fuck had he dashed after Sirius’ younger brother like some sort of murderer again? This was bloody stupid.
“Regulus,” James tried again, louder, firmer, and less like he jumped in feet first with zero plans on how to proceed.
Silence.
“Please let me in. I just want to talk.”
About what he had no idea, but something inside him felt like he had to. To his great surprise, the sound of shuffling feet reached him, then the lock clicked. James tried the door and, finding it unlocked, tentatively swung it open. A slightly disheveled Regulus Black stared back, eyes suspiciously wet and hair messy as if he’d had only just moments before been tugging his hands through it without regard for keeping it neat.
James slipped into the room and closed the door behind him. He started to take another step but hesitated when Regulus spoke. “What do you want, James?”
Something possessed him to tease Regulus. “Not Potter?”
Something in Regulus’ gaze softened, though he seemed no less wary. “No, not Potter. I owe you that at least.”
James offered him a genuine smile. “I’m not sure you owe me anything. I just came to check on you. Did something happen?”
Several long moments trickled by as Regulus studied him. The familiar tickle of James’ soulflowers drew his eyes down to his arm again. He’d neglected to pull his sleeve back into place, so anyone could watch as the previous petals shivered and fell away to reveal burgeoning almond tree blossoms denoting hope and contemplation. A strange transition. Strange but good considering which flowers curled around his forearm just the previous day or at breakfast that morning.
He returned his focus to Regulus only to see the Slytherin across from him gazing at his own exposed left forearm. Relieved tears shimmered in the corners of his grey eyes as ferns and violets unfurled in an explosion of movement, signifying sincerity and him being on his soulmate’s mind. Only then did the pieces click into place for James. The same soulflower location, Sirius’ offhand comments the past week about his brother sulking more than usual, the way James often found Regulus shooting glances in the Marauders’ direction, the change in his soulmate’s emotions when Sirius showed James affection, Regulus bolting from the Great Hall that very hour…
“You?” James could only stare at the other wizard. “You’re my soulmate?”
The Gryffindor smacked a hand over his mouth when Regulus flinched as if stricken.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just didn’t expect it, is all. I’m not upset about you being my soulmate, honest.”
Regulus took a tentative step forward, offering James his hand. James’ eyes flicked down to it, then back up to his face. He met him halfway and shook it.
“It’s nice to actually speak to you face to face for once.”
A weak but warm smile grew on Regulus’ face. “We never quite seemed to meet up, did we?”
James didn’t care about House affiliation at the moment. He finally had his soulmate in his grasp, and he wanted to bask in his presence. He tugged Regulus into his arms and buried his face in the side of his neck.
“I finally found you.”
Regulus relaxed instantly, resting his forehead against James’ shoulder and fitting into his embrace as if they’d hugged a thousand times already. “And I you.”
“Let’s not stay apart for so long again, yeah?”
“Never again,” Regulus agreed readily.
James could live with that.
“I do have a question.”
Regulus sounded nervous. James stroked his hair in an attempt to comfort him.
“Go on.”
“Do you have feelings for my brother?”
James sputtered and choked on his own spit, drawing back just enough to be able to peek at Regulus’ face. “Feelings for Sirius? No! We’re just best friends.”
“Oh.” He brightened at that, grinning and perking up as if the Winter Solstice had come early.
“Why?”
He had a feeling he knew now , but confirming his suspicious would be lovely.
“I…” Regulus glanced away from him, instead staring at the far wall as his cheeks heated in embarrassment. “I thought maybe you did—” So he’d been right about that. “—and that you were choosing him over me.”
Oh.
Oh.
The flowers for feelings of rejection and unrequited love made so much more sense with context!
Shit.
“No. I’m not choosing Sirius or anyone else over you. I’ve been searching for you for the past two and a half years.”
Regulus tucked one of James’ braids behind his ear, then gently rested his palm against his cheek, thumb stroking along his cheekbone. He had the deepest grey eyes James had ever had the fortune of staring into, fathomless and luminous like some ethereal lunar pool. “So you had no idea it was me?”
James shook his head, blushing at his own tunnel vision. “None. I checked my whole House and some of Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, too. It didn’t occur to me to check in Slytherin or to look at my friends’ relatives.”
Regulus’ radiant joy dimmed slightly at the mention of his House. “Fuck. The others aren’t going to appreciate another one of us having a Gryffindor for a soulmate. Not right now.”
A mental image of a murderous Lily Evans fussing over a ruffled Severus Snape like an avenging Angel protecting a crow popped into his head, making him wince.
“Right. Politics.”
“Indeed.”
Regulus reeled James back in so he could press their foreheads together. Their noses touched, and that close, James could see little silver flecks in Regulus’ irises. James swallowed, unable to avoid the mesmerizing sight of his soulmate’s lips.
“Will you be in danger now?”
A soft grin spread across his face. “I was already in danger the first time I laid eyes on you. Don’t worry, though. You’re worth it.”
When James parted his lips to argue, Regulus cut him off before he got out a single word by pressing their lips together. Despite his concern, James melted against Regulus, all the fight leaking out of him. When Regulus tilted his head back to study him, a flushed, breathless James blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
“You know, I hear Ravenclaw’s nice enough. I don’t think Hufflepuff would suit you though.”
For probably the first time in months, Regulus laughed.