Chapter Text
Deep down, Karkat was an optimist.
Now, if he said that, no one would believe him. He could already hear it in his mind, the cackle Vriska would let out at the admission. It'd go on for at least ten seconds, and when Karkat tried to speak again after she subsided, she'd just start laughing again, because Vriska was an asshole and not fit to interact with other sentient creatures.
But Karkat was an optimist. When he woke up many hours after crawling into his recuperacoon, he remained submerged for a while and thought things over.
He was fairly certain he knew how things would go. He would haul himself out and clean off, get dressed in a good uniform, and Kanaya would arrive soon after. Karkat would tell her off for the stunt she pulled, but gently, as was warranted by an on-again-off-again moirail and best friend. Kanaya would do that deep, weary sigh she'd had for the last hundred sweeps and would admit she was under a lot of pressure and things had gotten away from her, and Karkat would forgive her because they were all adults here, and she'd escort the nice human back to the xenobiological concupiscence level.
And Karkat would get back to work. It was what he did.
This was Karkat's vision of the future, and it propelled him out of the sopor. He pulled his breathing mask off and tucked it away before glancing across his respiteblock.
The human was sleeping. He'd managed the wrap himself up in Karkat's mantle like a little cocoon, only his head with its soft mussed hair poking out. The TV was still on, but muted, vague images flickering as Dave slept.
They were so small when they curled up like that, Karkat thought as he watched the human sleep for a moment. The species as a whole set off all these annoying, latent feelings in him, the urge to organize them and keep them safe.
Mostly from themselves. Holy shit, was Earth a mess. And humans didn't even have the omnicidal impulses that trolls on Old Alternia had! What the fuck was their excuse?
Shaking his head, Karkat went to the ablution trap to rinse off, and got dressed. He always felt more comfortable in his uniform. If he was strapped in tight and wearing his boots, he could handle anything. Including Kanaya.
His timing was good. The light by his door shifted hues from a dull grey to a jade green, and the door slid open to admit Kanaya.
She was dressed to impress as well; the quintuple-layer skirt of her outfit was powerful.
Her eyes immediately settled on the couch, on Karkat's guest, before sliding over to his face. "Karkat," she greeted, voice pitched low.
"Kanaya," Karkat responded, crossing his arms.
"You have been avoiding me," she said.
Holding her gaze for a moment, Karkat turned and looked behind him, at the human, then back at her.
"I hope you have been a gracious host," she said. "Dave is very nice, and I enjoy his presence here on the ship."
"I've been as sweet as a sucrossant working for Feferi's wriggling day dessert feast. I'm not going to piss off your ovipositive volunteers." He shrugged one shoulder. "But this? Is not going to work. And I don't appreciate the meddling."
All of her teeth flashed, and it was only through long, long practice that Karkat avoided taking an instinctive step back. "Oh? You do not appreciate it?" She slid forward, one graceful step. "My dear Advisor Vantas, let me tell you about appreciation. Let us discuss trying to reach my closest friend in my hours of direst emotional precariousness only to find he has blocked me on our internal communications."
Karkat felt a red flush illuminate his neck, flooding over his cheeks like a spilled glass. "I was busy conquering a planet."
"Let us discuss having to hear from Sollux that you were exsanguinating all of your worries and fears out on the throne room floor rather than with me."
Oh, goddammit. "It— That, I wasn't, it wasn't a pale thing, I wouldn't do that—"
"Let us discuss," Kanaya said, and pressed one claw into his chest, "having to hear from nigh every member of our dubious cohort that my most caring, my absolute dearest friend has heard tale of my unlikely— my nearly impossible success in securing the continuation of our people, and all he can do it tell everyone who will listen that he is so unworthy, so disposable, such a freak," Karkat fully flinched, backing away from her as she continued, "that he will not take part in the one-in-a-trillion victory that we have clawed with blood and tears out of the gorey carapace of defeat. Do you want to talk about that, Karkat?"
He reached for his words, and came up dry.
This wasn't how he'd expected this to go.
He didn't realize he was staring dully at the floor until Kanaya's hands pressed into his cheeks. She kept pressure, stroked her thumbs under his eyes. "I know you. I know this is difficult for you. But you are also the person who gave me hope, on the day of the Vast Glub. I trusted you, and you were right." She shook him slightly. "Do you trust me in return, Karkat?"
"Of course I fucking do, Kanaya!" He grabbed her wrists and pulled her hands down. The pale comfort was too much, and seasick nausea in this thorax. "This, it's just—"
"Difficult for you," Kanaya reiterated. "I know. It will take time for you to crack this shell and break through. I know that." She squeezed his hand.
Karkat squeezed back. "Right. It… yeah." Sighing, he hung his head again. "I… get all you're saying. And I'm sorry for the pity seepage all over the fucking ship. This still makes me fucking nervous, having me participate, alright? So even if I trust you, Kanaya, it… might take time, yeah. For me to do it."
To his relief, she smiled, genuine and warm. "I figured as much. And spoke discreetly with Feferi to explain that." She seemed terrifically pleased with herself suddenly. "Which is why we will give you time."
"Okay," he said uncertainly.
"Which is why you are on a break, starting now!" she told him happily.
"A… break. What the— no, what does that mean?" Karkat asked.
"Karkat, you have been working for several perigees straight! It has been terribly impressive and the Empress is grateful for your drive, but now?" She patted Karkat's shoulder. "Take a break! Relax! You are grounded for the foreseeable future."
"I'm what?!" He stared at her, waiting for the punchline. "You're joking."
"No one has worked harder to secure Earth as part of the Shoreless Empire. No one has been more tireless in execution of their duty."
"Oh, fucking spare me, you can't just— what, I'm just not allowed to work? How will you stop me? Keeping every idiot on this ship marching to Feferi's tune is my job!"
"Terezi is taking over."
Karkat opened his mouth to say something disparaging about that but, well, in all honesty if something ever happened to him to take him out, Terezi would be the best candidate to take on his duties. He didn't know if he'd trust anyone else to do it.
Which was probably why Kanaya was smiling so goddamn smugly. "Take your armor off. Sit down. Order something to eat. Rest." Very briefly, she glanced past Karkat, her lips curving up further.
Oh, god. Karkat shut his eyes and covered them with a hand. "I'm sending Feferi a fucking message."
"By all means. She will simply reiterate everything I have said, but with more tridents and an overuse of parentheses." Kanaya stepped back, and waved one hand. "I have much to attend to. Please have wonderful respite, Karkat."
"This is block arrest," Karkat told her, peering at her through his fingers. "This is involuntary confinement."
"Take a walk! Extend your strut poles! Show your companion around the ship." The door slid open. "If you even try to do any work, I will find out, and I will visit such suffering upon you. Have fun!" And she spun elegantly on a heel, skirts a beautiful floating cascade as she swept out of his block.
The door shut behind her.
Karkat reluctantly turned around.
His companion was sitting up, swaddled deep in his nest of Karkat's cloak. He seemed completely wide awake, watching Karkat with a flat look.
"Man," he said slowly. "Nothin' fucking worse than a friend who knows what's best for you, huh?"
Karkat sighed loudly. The alien was right. There really was nothing worse.
Sollux knew this moment would come, and had already girded the shit out of his emotions, prepared for the inevitability.
To him, it was all still a little weird, like back about 75 sweeps ago (yeah, he actually kept track of time, legislascerate him) and everyone in the fleet started getting really into Lusus Junction. It started with Nepeta, he was pretty sure, and suddenly everyone was breeding grubs of the fucking game and loading them onto every handheld device on the entire ship.
In less than a sweep, everyone had been talking about which lusii they had on their island and mailing each other digital nutrientshrooms until everyone had the full set.
Of course, it had all ended in despair, as the Hive Invasion patch was sent out, and suddenly everyone was at war, like every bulgesucker in the fleet suddenly tapped into the centuries-old aggression they were meant to leave behind with the carcass of their planet.
At the time, Feferi had said it was great fun and a good way for everyone to let off some overflowing aggravation fluid.
Then, Eridan had launched a friendly assault on Gamzee's island, and the entire purpleblood contingent declared martial engagement on him. Feelings were hurt. Save files were destroyed. Terezi's perfectly-constructed courtblock on her island was burnt to rubble. Karkat pulled rank and ordered all the games rolled back to pre-PvP versions.
This, the whole human thing. It was just like that, Sollux was certain. When you had a bunch of stir-crazed, half-shithive horn-groping idiots living on a bunch of ships for their over-extended lifetimes, everything new was a gift from the dark gods of the inky black spacesea.
Sollux had always been more of a fan of Fiduspawn Abscond. It helped get him away from his fucking terminal a few times a night. And he lucked into being on Vriska's team, so they reaped every fucking spoil the game had to offer, obviously.
Point being: Sollux remembered Feferi's perfectly manicured Lusus Junction island, so was unsurprised when she asked him to pick out a nice human to meet.
The one that showed up did not seem terribly impressed to be a guest in the throne room. Her eyes took in the thick carpets and lavish gold and the enormous fishtank with a faint smile. She had dimples, though only one on each cheek, unlike trolls.
"I really love what you've done with the place," the human, Jane, said, clasping her hands in front of her with a little sway. "I wouldn't have pictured pink and gold marrying so well, but it's extremely chic."
"Thank you! It's always betta to stick to the brand," Feferi said with a smile.
"Oh, I completely agree," Jane said with a smile. "Keeping that bright pop of recognition can do wonders for your image. But that's all marketing and such, I'm sure you don't want to hear about all that!" She tilted her head. "Though, if you ever needed assistance with your PR on Earth, I can refer you to a few very skilled agents."
"Maybe… another time," Feferi said.
Her eyes had slipped to the human's uniform, the sheath robe that Kanaya had designed for them all. Sollux's visor did as well.
Jane turned her head to regard Sollux. "Will you be partaking as well, Mr. Captor?"
"No, thanks," Sollux said. "I'm just here as protection."
"Oh? I thought you were the fleet's adminaterrorizer?"
"Sollux is also my matesprit," Feferi said, beaming with pride. "He can shoot lasers from his eyes."
The human's mouth made a little 'oh' before she nodded. "Wow, I wish my secretary had something like that!" She held up her hands. "Maybe I should leave myself safely out of this and put myself in royal hands?"
"Wow, that is super suave!" Feferi said. "Is that why everyone seems to like you so much?"
A giggle escaped Jane and she ducked her head in a perfectly coquettish way. "Oh, I do my best. But I think it's more because of this."
She undid the clasp of her robe and opened it.
Feferi let out a shocked trill, pulling her feet up onto her throne and staring at Jane over her knees.
Sollux leaned over his desk and aimed his visor right at the, uh, relevant point of interest. "That… dexcode cannot be right."
"I assure you, I was surprised too!" Jane said. "Everyone seems very excited about the color." She smiled at Feferi again. "What do you think, Your Majesty?"
Another wordless noise escaped Feferi. Sollux couldn't help but agree. Holy shit.
"You know what?" Karkat said after pacing the room for a few minutes. "This is fine actually."
Dave was surprised by this revelation, especially after playing unexpected voyeur to some ultra-personal probably-pale confrontation. Waking up to spectate on an agonizing conversation hadn't been his favorite way to get the day started, but in all honesty, it wasn't that different from all the other ways his sense of privacy had been thrown into the dryer with a bunch of rocks. He still didn't have pants, for god's sake.
"Oh?" Dave said mildly, his cheek propped up on his fist. "Is it?"
"Yeah. Yes! Because Kanaya is right, I haven't gotten to take a breath since I set foot on your planet," Karkat said, his pacing getting quicker, matching his verbal momentum. "She's right, and I should just relax for a while."
He didn't look particularly relaxed. Dave was starting to feel the heft of the task Kanaya had given him. As a wise man once said, Karkat seemed in more dire need of a blowjob than any troll in Alternian history. But it was probably a little early to come right out and say that. "Hey, question about that, Mr. Diplomatactician. Wasn't the Empress going to rename Earth? What happened with that?"
It seemed to jar Karkat from his furious, intent stalking around the room. He finally looked up at Dave, as if remembering he was there. "Oh, that. Feferi's easily distracted. If she's not completely obsessed with something, then she forgets it exists the moment she stops actively looking at it. This is why we need so many of us to keep this dilapidated empire from falling apart."
"Wow, I didn't expect ADHD to be a cross-species universal constant," Dave murmured.
"What is that, AD-what?"
Dave explained what ADHD was, and Karkat was nodding along by the time he was done.
"Oh, yeah. That. Feferi definitely has troll ADHD. That's why there's the Twelve. Pretty much no way this shit would continue to function with fewer."
That was a little reassuring. "Still, I was kind of looking forward to whatever batshit moniker we were saddled with." His head turned on a slow swivel to follow Karkat as he wandered over to his wardrobe and started to defrock.
Dave wished he was wearing his sunglasses, if only to do that thing where he tipped them down dramatically as he got a load of alien backside. Alas.
He still watched, though. Karkat peeled himself out of that really taut, black looked-like-leather-but-probably-wasn't outfit. Dave had enough time to note that the grubscars along his sides were much more vividly red than Aradia's before he redressed, covering everything up. His civvies seemed to be a longsleeved black top with a high, notched neckline that reminded Dave of nothing so much as a priest's collar.
And pants. They were boring and black too, but Dave stared at them longingly.
Which, Karkat caught as he turned around. "What, why are you making that face?"
"Kind of rude, that's just my face," Dave said, then sighed. "I haven't had pants since I arrived on this spaceship. Sometimes, a guy can long for a pair of fucking pants."
"Seriously?" With an eyeroll, Karkat dropped himself heavily onto his computer chair and started typing. After giving the keyboard a moment of violent claw stabbings, he nodded and pushed it aside, taking a book down from his shelf.
Not an hour later, there was a chime at the door. "That'll be for you," Karkat said, not looking up from what he was reading.
Dave squinted at him suspiciously, but obligingly got up and went to the door.
A troll on the other side handed him a plasticky carapace box. Inside was all his stuff, everything he'd had on him when he'd gotten abducted by Aradia. All of his things were folded and clean, stacked up neatly.
"Oh, hell yes," Dave said, and set the box on the ground to paw through it. He didn't hate the robe, okay, it was fine and honestly pretty useful. Easy access and all that.
But the ship was chilly and Karkat's room specifically was cold. So Dave didn't waste any time dragging on his underwear and then pulling up his jeans.
The moment he got them up around his hips, a problem presented itself.
Even before he zipped up, there was a marked increase in pressure around his hips, his belly. And, not to put too find of a point on it, his human clothes were pressed tight to his nook.
Anxiously, Dave glanced over, but Karkat was deeply engrossed in his book. And not fake-engrossed either; he finished a page and turned it, then turned back as it to check a detail. There was some serious active reading going on.
Taking a breath, Dave glared accusingly down. Because wow, the firm press of his clothes to the sensitive skin of Downtown Maraschino was impossible to ignore. He tugged a bit, hands sliding to the fasten, and he had to stop and carefully let out a long breath.
Holy fuck, Kanaya had explained this, that she'd made sure to make everything nice and pleasurable, but only now did Dave put that together with the particular pants-less design his volunteer uniform.
But he'd made a whole deal out of his lack of pants. Biting down on his lip, Dave finished doing up his jeans. His fingers hooked into the belt loops as he just held on for a moment, a steady pulsing heat sloshing around inside him.
He heard another page turn. Shaking himself, Dave threw off his tunic, into the box, and dragged his shirt on. At least that didn't turn into a federal fucking issue.
Shuffling back over, Dave settled in, ignoring the way that made his clothes press against in him some really specific places.
Dragging his hand through his hair, Dave tried to chill out and not think about how goddamn empty he felt. And how he might have to stay empty for a while.
It had taken much longer to reach this point than Rose had anticipated.
Under her simmering excitement, Rose did feel somewhat guilty for leaving Jade back in the atrium, especially when the girl was so new to all of this. But one did not simply turn down an invitation with Kanaya, not after harboring a truly enormous cruise-liner of a crush for this long.
Even the fact that Rose was full up and thus apparently closed for business did not waylay her. She could surely still make something of the opportunity.
Kanaya's lab space didn't look like the teeming greenhouse cultivating scientific advancement that Rose knew it had to be. There were plenty of very alien-looking contraptions and pieces of equipment, as well as a plethora of biotech terminals and monitors. The whole room hummed in a low, soothing frequency that reminded Rose of nothing so much as late summers in the south. Alternian technology was delightfully strange.
But the chairs were luxurious, and there was drapery and textiles everywhere, breaking up the seriousness of the space with vivid colors. Kanaya's thumbprint was pressed firmly into the space.
As she sat with her ankles daintily crossed, resting a glass of some mild soporific on her belly, Rose watched as Kanaya navigated through anatomical diagrams and notes on her work.
"The problem always came back to the aggressive nature of the Alternian biology," Kanaya said with a soft, sour hum under her voice. "I tried it every which way, to create an method that we could mimic the Mother Grub in each other."
"I recall from the historical information disseminated that your species has always been symbiotic in nature," Rose said, because she was an excellent student, and because she didn't want Kanaya to think she was not paying attention.
"At least, as far back as I have been able to trace our genome, yes," Kanaya said. "But I tried many different trials, to enable us to implant one another with these grub eggs. But, well, simply the process of convincing the body to produce them instead of slurry was a monumental task I spent many, many sweeps on." A low, annoyed sound escaped her. "Once I managed it, I found that no matter what circumstance, what coupling I tested, the eggs would be essentially eaten up as raw nutrients by the host troll."
It was obvious just from her tone how deeply fucking annoying this had been. Reaching out, Rose squeezed Kanaya's knee. "And they would not, for instance, survive in a clever genmat vault or something after being expelled?"
"No," Kanaya sided. "They would at worst melt into slurry and at best retain their form but never hatch. Those trials were the most soul-crushing of them all, to be that much closer to viability…" She sighed and rested her head back against the seat. "You were a stroke of pure luck. A xenobiograph that was compatible with our needs. That is before mentioning how agreeable many of you were to the concept."
"Yes, it's been such a dreadful hardship," Rose demurred. "Being whisked away to an elaborate alien harem with a devastating view of the stars, ravished as regularly as clockwork." She sipped her drink. "Such an ordeal, not just any species would be up for the task."
"Ah, the insincerity tactic," Kanaya said with a small laugh. "Your candor is appreciated, but thus far only a fraction of your population has joined this particular sort of… xenocultural public service."
"You lead by example," Rose complimented gently. "It is obvious you've done much to make this work, to ensure a future of your people. I'm happy to play a small role in that." Her hand remained on Kanaya's thigh, unremarked upon. Perhaps not an interloper. "Speaking of. Dave mentioned that you were the last of your kind. Is that still the case? Have any jadebloods been born? Sorry, hatched?"
"Oh. Not yet," Kanaya said slowly. "I have been very busy keeping the wheels of this project turning, lest they fly off and grievously maim innocent bystanders."
"Kanaya," Rose said archly. "You cajole and encourage your own into this, but don't partake yourself? What sort of example is that?" She smirked. "Plus. Don't you think some of your… excessive tension would benefit from doing your part?"
"Do I have excessive tension?" Kanaya asked with a little frown.
"Without any of my human insincerity: oh good lord, yes, Kanaya."
Her clawed fingers folded together, a fang pressing down on her dark lower lip. "Perhaps it is an artifact of your human understanding of emotions clouding your reading of Alternian cues."
"That's an interesting hypothesis," Rose said. "I suppose I will have to observe you after fulfilling your duty to put some eggs into someone and make a comparative analysis from there."
Kanaya opened her mouth, then closed it firmly, seeming to bite her lips from the inside. "Are you making a joke of my profession?"
"I am only trying to appeal to your scientific mind," Rose said sweetly. "Is it working at all?"
Now, there was no way Kanaya could be oblivious to Rose's flirtation. It was a treat, to watch her consider it, glancing over at Rose. "You, unfortunately, are already at capacity. I could not dare risk harming you by implanting more eggs."
"Hm, true," Rose conceded. "We could adjust the parameters of the experiment. Do trolls do oral?"
Brows furrowing, Kanaya asked, "Oral what?"
Giving her a wink over the glass, Rose grinned.
Sollux was so good at this bodyguard shit, he was all the fuck over it, watching carefully for any signs of danger as the human rested her hands on Feferi's shoulders to allow Feferi to touch her, squeezing at the softness of her body. He was scanning rapidly for subterfuge of any kind as Feferi worked out her long, sinuous tyrian bulge and let it drag against the fucking sunny sky blue of Jane's ridiculous nook.
There was, he was happy to report, no detection of trouble. But he was vigilant as fuck all the same, leaning his elbows against his desk as Feferi used her grip on Jane's hips to rock Jane's body to the tempo she wanted. The tangle of blood-pink slurry and the bright wet of that nook didn't mix together like a dye might. Drips of both colors ran down Jane's bare thighs as they shivered.
Sollux hadn't seen the modified humans up close yet. Now, he could tell the genmat vaults they'd been fitted with were covered in an almost translucent membrane the same color of their technicolor nooks. As Feferi started dipping into her, the dark royal pink was visible through that skin.
Feferi seemed to notice the same thing, reaching out to stroke the tip of herself through Jane's abdomen. "Oh, I— I can see it."
"Yes, Your Majesty," Jane said breathily. "I appreciate th—the honor of your pailing."
Swallowing, Sollux shifted in his chair. Maybe he'd just activate his visor's recording software. In case something did go awry, he could go back over the footage. Totally normal shit.
He watched the action get hotter and heavier for a few moments, before suddenly, abrupt as a culling fork to the thorax, Feferi gasped and said, "Waaaait, wait wait wait, hold your seahorses, wait," sliding her hands around until she could push Jane back.
Jane seemed to expect this turn about as much as Sollux did, letting out a very unrehearsed yelp as she fell back on her ass, legs splayed bonelessly in front of her. "Hey! I, uh, I mean, what— geez, what was that for?"
"I just had an awful thought!" Feferi said, running her claws through her hair. "If I pail you and put some eggs in you, then we'll have other fuschia trolls hatch!"
Jane blinked, her face still deeply flushed as she glanced in confusion between Feferi and Sollux. "I… yes? That is the notion, I believe?"
"That means we'd hatch a usurper!" Feferi went on. "What if they want to fight me? What if they want my crown and throne and fishtank and stuff? What if they're, like, a total asshole and want to go back to the old ways?" She shook her head, fast and frantic. "Do you know how hard I worked to keep my idiotic subjects from killing each other? It was, like, so much work! I can't give that up now, even if…" She looked down at Jane, at her electric blue nook, and put on an imperial sulk. "Even if you are super nice and flattering and I'd love to pail you! I can't."
She turned her big eyes over to Sollux, a silent plea for his opinion.
And…. shit. Kanaya would be annoyed to hear it, but Sollux had literally flown around destroying the last empress' battalion of warrior drones, all to give Feferi the opening she needed to kill her predecessor. Maybe it wasn't the best fucking idea to invite a new challenger to the party.
He nodded once to her.
Feferi gave him a grateful smile, then turned back to address Jane again. "Again, I am shoal sorry about this. I was really looking forward to it! You have no idea how much I need this, honestly."
Recovering some of her composure, Jane sat up and waved a hand. "Oh, you may be surprised! I know a thing or two about the trouble that comes with being a woman in power. Always having to be so gosh-darned careful, I've grown up with that myself." She looked up at Feferi, considering. "Really, being in charge of so much can be a lot of pressure, even for those of us to take to it so well! I can understand you'd want some… stress relief."
"Sollux helps," Feferi said.
"Yeah, I help," Sollux agreed.
"Oh, I'm certain he does! But, well." Jane tapped her fingers against her knees. "Did you extend your generous invitation to me because you wanted to do your egg duty, or for… the parts that go with that?"
"I… guess the latter, yeah," Feferi admitted.
"Well," Jane said, and shifted up, onto her knees. "Maybe I can still help with that. From one woman in power to another, you know?"
"What did you have in mind?" Feferi asked guilelessly.
Bowing her head once respectfully, Jane shuffled forward, using her hands to push Feferi's legs further apart to make room for herself. With a sly smile, Jane curled her hand around Feferi's still-released bulge. "It goes something like this. Did you know humans don't have sharp teeth?" She flashed hers for a second, then bent her head and coaxed Feferi's bulge between her lips.
Feferi gasped loudly, legs lifting off the floor.
Sollux, ever the bodyguard, got up from his desk to walk over. He needed to see this up close, for protection reasons. Yeah.
Dave had a problem.
It wasn't Karkat. What Kanaya had told him was totally right, and the lingering fear that Karkat would do anything faded quickly because the guy was just… kind of easy. He grumbled and occasionally complained loudly about something aspect of his job, both the parts he wasn't supposed to be doing anymore and also the parts he was apparently so glad to be free of. But the rants were pretty entertaining, as was the way Karkat ran out of verbal inertia whenever he remembered Dave was chilling nearby.
And outside the bitching, Karkat was a nice host. When Dave requested more stuff, Karkat typed it up and sent it along immediately. The first time Dave got up and started loping around the room, kind of bored, Karkat asked if he wanted to see one of the upper decks.
The upper decks of the ship were enclosed in some kind of force field, and Dave did his best not to look like a starstruck tourist as he stared out at the curve of the moon and cosmos beyond. It was a terrifying, awesome sight.
Sitting up there, Karkat seemed nervous, then asked, "So, you guys aren't space-faring yet? What's up with that?"
"Dude, what the fuck is there to even do in space," Dave said. "Y'all show up and immediately unload onto our planet, ain't hard to tell that being in space kind of sucks."
"Okay, that's not totally incorrect," he muttered. "Fine, what do you all do since you're not shackled to a desperate interstellar journey through the stars?"
"As a species or are you asking me?"
Karkat huffed and looked down at his hands. "Whichever. The second one. Unless you don't want to talk about that, then the first one."
"I was doing my gen-eds in university, but then Aradia knocked on my door and liked my collection of weird dead stuff, so now I'm here getting railed by the alien overlords. Or…" Dave's nose scrunched. "I mean, not at the moment, I guess? But mostly I was just working through a existential crisis of purpose and not accomplishing shit. I worked on some projects for friends. I do music some, and art some if its bad. What about you?"
He seemed surprised to be asked, blinking at Dave. "Me? Well. Before we got here, I was a kind of mass mediator to keep everyone here safe and not going for each others' throats. Now I'm trying to learn about humans to figure out how the fuck we're going to cohabitate long-term. There's so much on my nutrition plateau, every time I get it clear, someone piles it up again like a magic asshole pulling an endless scarf of responsibilities out of his head ornament."
"Cool, that's your job," Dave pointed out. "What do you do when you're not doing your job?"
"I don't understand the question," Karkat said, a little sardonic. "There's seventeen ships in this fleet and all of them are home to a nookloads of trolls. I'm always doing my job."
"Not anymore," Dave said. "You need a hobby, man." Leaning back on his hands, he stretched out. "Since you're apparently not gonna pail me."
"Why the fuck would I pail you now," Karkat said, going all smirky. He didn't have Aradia's cool triple dimples, but it looked good on him anyway. "You are my ticket to a fucking extended vacation. If Kanaya wants to test my patience, she's going to be disappointed. I can wait her out. Put my fucking feet up and catch up on some reading. I was going to learn one of your piddling human languages to try out your books. Could take a while."
He sounded pretty fucking joyous about the idea, cheerful at the prospect of taking on the challenge Kanaya had laid out for him.
Dave couldn't help frowning as he listened. And just like that, Karkat's bravado went out like a wick being blown out. "What's the matter? I mean, you're welcome along. I was thinking about grabbing a shuttle and flying down planetside to look around. You could come with."
"That's cool," Dave said slowly. "I appreciate it, for real, and showing an alien around my world does sound kind of fun, but." He shrugged one shoulder. "Don't look at me like that, I'm just… I signed up for some pailin' and there ain't a pail to be had now."
Karkat's eyebrows jumped up to his hairline. "Uh. Oh. You… I mean, you signed up for this shit, all that, bluh bluh, but you… enjoy doing it?"
"Oh my god." He couldn't help but laugh a bit. "You have no idea."
As they sat there on the top deck, Karkat looked Dave over, confusion and… something in his face. He turned quickly away, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry to keep you away from it."
"Hey, I'm a team player. And Kanaya said you're important."
"And you believe her?"
"Yeah," Dave said, wishing his big, tall alien would stop acting all shy and just look at Dave.
No luck. Karkat kept looking outward at the moon's horizon, letting the conversation fade between them. Eventually, they went back inside.
But that. That was the problem. Not Karkat himself, because he was a pretty likable guy. It was almost kind of weird how quickly Dave was cool with him, with badgering him to put on troll movies, asking him about how the fuck the sleepy slime pod worked, finally getting some answers that the seahorse app had left out, and just making himself a nuisance.
Every time, Karkat growled, but folded. He had the fortitude of a house of cards in an earthquake, always just falling over at the slightest provocation. Dave was starting to get how he inspired such a weird, strong affection from Kanaya.
But still: Dave was not getting pailed, and it was kind of making him crazy.
As the night ended and day started to roll in, Karkat climbed into his recuperacoon, giving Dave yet another flash of troll booty to add to his mental collection before sinking under the surface.
Dave was alone on the sofa. Which was now a decent bed; he'd gotten some pillows and another blanket, so it was comfy as fuck now.
Another masterpiece of troll cinema played, volume low, painting colored light around the dark room while Dave kept an eye on the recuperacoon, in case Karkat was going to emerge for some reason. Which, he hadn't the last few sleep cycles. And yet, here Dave was, waiting in tremendous impatience.
When it finally felt like Karkat was definitely asleep, Dave curled up towards the back of the sofa, tucked low in his little cave of blankets. Shucking down his pajama pants, he let out a low groan of relief, the pressure finally coming off his nook.
There was a total lack of surprise when he reached down to touch it, and found it already wet. He'd been suffering through the friction of his clothes all day, while hanging out with a pretty hot troll who was all nice and shit.
It was fucking agony, and Dave's whole body flooded with relief as he dragged his fingers along his nook. Finally, finally, goddamn. He'd been waiting for this, and didn't fuck around with foreplay, just tucking three fingers inside and feeling around in there.
A melty, hot feeling unfurled as he stroked to and fro, his fingertips finding the plush texture inside like overgrown velvet. Pressing into it, Dave gasped, tossing his head.
The only thing was the angle fucking sucked. The back wall of his nook was fine, but the thick texture of the front wall felt like having his head held under a pool of pure hot pleasure. Reaching it was just a pain in the wrist.
He hooked one ankle over the back of the sofa to get his leg out of the way, trying to get really up in there. It helped somewhat, and Dave's vision went fuzzy at the edges as he got his hand in there, until only his thumb was hooked outside. With his other hand, Dave petted the red bloom of his belly, massaging the flesh between.
Everything, all of it, was a terrible idea. It drove him nuts, the rising tide of pleasure. When he had a bulge in there, he also had the stretch, the constant stroking feeling, and the weight lodging into place as the troll finished up.
There was no way to finish up now. Dave swam in the feeling until his arms started to hurt, and he flumped onto his back gasping, wrenching his hands away.
Between his legs, his nook hummed, implacable and greedy.
"Goooooooddammit," Dave groaned. The urge to reach down and feel himself up more was strong.
Still, he laid still until the shivering tension let go of him, then went to wash up. He needed to fucking sleep.