Archive of Our Own ^beta

There was a certain rumour going around in Yokohama University.

Naturally, in a big university like this one, rumours about various students and teachers was not uncommon by any means. People liked to talk, and they'd pretty much take any topic they got. At the very least, gossip and rumours were more interesting than the laws of gravitation and all that.

A few months ago, there had been a rumour circulating amongst a particular group of Physics students. This group happened to take Professor Nakahara's Physics class, and that fit, considering the rumour in question was about that person. It used to be pretty commonly said that Professor Nakahara was actually married. Nobody knew who it was, or if the rumour was even true, but a good number of people believed it rather easily.

Nakahara Chuuya was an attractive man, after all. It wouldn't be strange for him to have a lover, or be married. Aside from the students, quite a few teachers, who happened to be Chuuya's friends, used to believe in the rumour as well. For example, Yosano Akiko, the biology teacher. She'd thought that Chuuya definitely had a partner, but she didn't go far as thinking he might be married.

To say the least, she was very surprised when the truth was revealed. It had happened on one of those very annoying 'Bring Your Family to Work' day. The professors were requested to bring their spouses and their kids, and the students were welcome to attend university that day, even if it's just to meet their teachers' families. Of course, it was also beneficial for fostering inter-departmental relationships.

Which is why, the revelation of Professor Nakahara's husband came as such a shock to a lot of people. As it turned out, the rumour had been true, and Chuuya was married to a man. A literature professor at the same university, named Dazai Osamu. It had been especially surprising considering that Chuuya always claimed to absolutely hate that particular literature professor. 

But those two professors actually ended up being married, and for the two or so months following this revelation, the students got to see the two of them being very natural around each other. It wouldn't be uncommon to run into Dazai and Chuuya taking their lunch break together in the campus cafeteria, or going over to each others' staff rooms to grade papers together. It was very wholesome, even if those two could be rather traumatising at times.

Like, it definitely wasn't normal to insist that you hated your husband a lot, right? And it definitely was weird that such declarations was followed by fond looks towards said husband. Not normal at all.

But well, such a rumour all those weeks ago wasn't as bad as this one. The rumour going around campus as of now was about the same two people; Dazai-sensei and Chuuya-sensei. Apparently, people were speculating that those two were due for an impending divorce.

A divorce!!

Dazai-san and Chuuya-san!

Wasn't that absolutely unnatural? They might be a little eccentric in their methods of being in a relationship, but they definitely loved each other. In fact, they have been married for over four years, so there's no way they would even dare to consider such a ridiculous idea as getting a divorce, ne?

There's no way it's true. Especially, a divorce without even informing their beloved children (read: students) beforehand?! Absolutely preposterous.

Since there was no way such a rumour could be true, but there must be a reason for people to talk about a thing like this, two certain groups of students decided to meet up and talk about this. Lunch break was the only, and hence the perfect, time for the Physics and Literature students to gather together and discuss such important affairs. As expected, they were Chuuya-san and Dazai-san's students respectively.

Akutagawa, one of Dazai's literature students, started off the conversation with a simple question, "So, why are we here again?"

Higuchi sighed in response, "It's about that rumour, isn't it?"

Clueless as always, literature nerd Tanizaki blinked at the blonde, "Eh? What rumour?"

His sister let out an exasperated sigh at the question, "Nee-san! The rumour about Dazai-sensei and Chuuya-sensei, of course."

It was around this point of the conversation that Tachihara, another one of the physics students, showed up to the table and took his seat, "Oh, I heard something about that. Apparently, they're getting a divorce?"

As expected, Gin smacked him in the arm immediately, "Don't just say that, loser. There's no way those two are divorcing. Aren't they our parents!"

Atsushi, a timid student of Dazai's, gaped at the pair in front of him, "Eh?! They are??"

Akutagawa coughed, "Not literally."

Higuchi nodded, following up with that, "It's just a running joke that Dazai-san and Chuuya-san are our 'university' parents."

Gin waved her hands casually, "University parents, real parents. Parents, either way, right?! There's no way we can let them divorce like this."

Tachihara started, "Well, if that's what they decided, then-"

Naturally, he got smacked by Gin again, "Nope. Don't even start. They can't divorce; custody battles are a pain."

Tanizaki pointed out, "They won't have to have a custody battle."

Gin rolled her eyes, clearly indignant, "They'll have to go to court either way, no? It's our job to prevent that."

Higuchi spoke up nervously, "I don't want them to divorce either but, should we really be interfering?"

"Don't worry so much! We won't be doing much in the first place."

Tachihara narrowed his eyes at his friend, "What do you have in mind?"

Grinning cheerfully, Gin declared, "Investigation. We have to investigate if the rumour is actually true. Not that I think it could be, but doesn't hurt to check."

As someone who has known the younger Akutagawa for a long enough time, Higuchi knew exactly what was going through her brain, "So... You just want us to kind of spy of them, don't you? And figure out if they're behaving any differently?"

Gin clapped the blonde on her shoulder, "You get it! We'll just have to observe them carefully and find clues."

Atsushi murmured under his breath, unheard by mostly everyone, "What, we're playing detectives now?"

Obviously, Gin heard him. She just nodded sagely, "Exactly. Go forth my little agents! Find proof that the parents aren't divorcing!"

Well, that's what she said but; as it turned out, the 'agents' ended up finding more evidence supporting the divorce actually happening, rather than the opposite.

-

1.

As the Literature students noticed over the next few days, Dazai-sensei was certainly behaving differently. And it was not in a good way. For one, he constantly seemed super tired. More than usual, that is. He had big bags under his eyes constantly, and his hair was in an eternal state of unkept. 

It was obvious at first glance that the professor wasn't getting enough sleep. As a result, he was always less energetic, and didn't even interact with the students as much. Of course, he still taught all his material, and they were up-to-date with the syllabus. That side of his literature classes didn't change. But usually, wasn't Dazai-sensei more friendly and less professor-like?

He totally made the weirdest, funniest in an unfunny way jokes. And he interacted with everyone, and talked about his day to his students. Sometimes, if they were already done with the coursework for the day, he would also tell little anecdotes about his high school days, and of course, about his husband. Now that everyone knew of his marriage, he didn't have to hold himself back from gushing about his partner. So, he ended up talking about Chuuya-san quite a lot.

Usually, that is. But recently, he's just been completing the assignments as quickly and efficiently as possible, before going back to his desk and doing whatever it was that he busy with. He hadn't cracked a boring joke in days, and even more terrifyingly, he hadn't talked about Chuuya-san in quite a while too.

See, it was super easy to get Dazai-sensei to talk about Chuuya-san. All you had to do was just mention the physics professor by name. That could easily lead to the literature professor talking about his partner. But then today, the expected did not happen at all?!

It was Naomi who was entrusted with the important task. So, a few minutes away from the lecture ending, she tried to engage her teacher in friendly conversation, "Dazai-sensei~ A friend of mine is considering taking Chuuya-san's class. Should she go for it?"

Now, normally, Dazai would absolutely agree and rave about how Chuuya was a good teacher, despite being a 'hat for brains' and a 'tiny little chibi slug'.

But today, he merely looked up tiredly before blinking at his student, "Oh? Sure, she should go for it if she enjoys physics."

Naomi tried again, "That's true, but she was wondering which teacher's class she should take. Aren't Chuuya-san's Physics lectures the best?"

Very absent-mindedly, Dazai merely hummed, "Ah? Sure, I guess. Sorry, Naomi-chan, I have to get going."

And with that, he simply stood up and left the class. Wasn't that just weird?! Shouldn't he be more into a conversation with Chuuya-san as the main topic? Something was definitely fishy, Naomi decided. Later that evening, when she reported her observations to the rest of the group via their group chat, there was just one text that stuck out the most.

higucci:  I mean, if they were actually going to get a divorce; wouldn't it make sense that Dazai-san didn't want to talk about Chuuya-san?

*

2.

The second set of observations was made by the group of Physics students. As expected, it was regarding Chuuya-san, and in his class. Despite the drastic changes in Dazai's behaviour, Chuuya was actually still behaving pretty normally. His lectures felt the same, the teacher-student interactions were funny and informative as usual, and nothing appeared to be wrong per se.

At first glance, that is.

But after a particular conversation with the teacher, the Gin-Tachihara-Higuchi trio noticed something strangely suspicious. On thinking back about previous recent lectures, it was actually rather obvious; the new development in Chuuya-san's life.

It started with a simple question during the very last lecture on Friday. Right before everyone packed up their books and other stationery, Higuchi casually turned to her professor, making idle conversation, "Chuuya-san, do you have plans for the weekend?"

The Physics professor turned to face her before nodding in affirmative, "Oh, definitely! There's all that boring stuff like grading papers and formulating course work plans as usual; but other than that, I'm going drinking with a few colleagues tomorrow."

Tachihara asked, his interest piqued, "Colleagues? Do you mean other professors?"

Chuuya grinned, "Yep. A bunch of us from different departments are going out."

Gin piped in, "Anyone we know?"

The professor shrugged, "Yosano is coming. I mean, Biology professor, Yosano-sensei."

Higuchi giggled at the addition of the honorary suffix, "You two are close friends, as usual."

Before anybody else could say anything, Gin chimed in again, "So, do you have any other plans, Chuuya-san?"

The older man hummed thoughtfully, "Well, maybe I'll go shopping. I haven't had the time in a while. But I've had way more free time recently, so there's that."

Clearly having been trained properly, Tachihara asked the right questions, "Won't you be taking Dazai-sensei with you too, then?"

Chuuya shrugged, "Oh, him? Ah, no... I'll just go by myself." He then added after checking his wristwatch, "It's this late already? I have to get going and turn in a few faculty forms. See you guys on Monday!"

And with that, the teacher left, leaving his three students to stare at his retreating silhouette in pure confusion. As expected of her, Gin picked up her phone immediately, going ahead to describe the recent conversation with her professor to that particular group chat.

naomi-chan:  ehh, so chuuya-san says he has more time nowadays?

higucci:  and the way he dismissed the idea of hanging out with dazai-san??

michizoulol:  something is off, don't u think?

gin:  ...let's not give up yet. there's no way this is about a divorce

*

3.

The group of literature students noticed a vibrant new addition to Dazai-sensei's supplies. It was probably not something rather note-worthy in the first place, but considering the kind of investigation they were all doing; it was best not to overlook anything, right?

As first pointed out by Atsushi, surprisingly, Dazai-sensei was suddenly quite often spotted with a big manila folder tucked under his arm. Normally, the literature professor rarely every carried any documents with him. All his supplies remained on his desk in his classroom. More important and confidential things like graded papers stayed in his staff-room locker.

So, the fact that he seemed to carry that manila folder everywhere; wasn't that unnatural? This one time, Naomi happened to notice the contents of the envelope. Nothing too suspicious on her part, of course. She just happened to see Dazai-sensei in the library, while he was poring over a bunch of papers with the manila folder kept opened nearby.

From the layout of those documents, she couldn't help but notice that the papers resembled some kind of forms. Or rather contracts, maybe? Either way, there were fields for a bunch of signatures at the very bottom of the page. This, combined with the fact that Dazai-san seemed to scowl at the documents quite a lot...

Well, it was safe to say that everyone in the group chat come to the same undesirable conclusion.

That maybe those documents in the manila folder were divorce papers.

In such difficult and trying times, the ray of hope came from a particular text that Akutagawa Gin, goddess and saviour, sent in the group chat.

gin:  if those were actually divorce papers, why would he be going over them at uni??

*

4.

The next observation was surprisingly made by the whole group together. After a really long day of never-ending classes, the groups of Literature and Physics students gathered together in the courtyard of their campus, before going ahead and walking out of the gates all together. Since they had some free time, it was unambiguously decided that they would be stopping by a convenience store to grab something to eat and drink.

It was at this convenience store that they ran into Chuuya-san.

Well, they didn't actually come face to face with him. It was more like, they spotted him and quickly went out of their way to hide behind shelves of instant ramen and bottled juice. The group had been picking out their snacks together, when they suddenly heard the physics professor's voice.  They were purely driven by their instincts when they hid so quickly.

It was clearly the right thing to do, because within a few seconds, Chuuya-san was joined by a taller, pale man. This man was wearing a white hat, and when he spoke, it was obvious that he had a Russian accent. To everyone surprise, he seemed to be rather close to Chuuya-san. He even went as far as putting his arm around the professor. Even if Chuuya-san was facing away from where his students were hiding, it was rather obvious that he was there with the Russian man.

The two of them left soon enough, their hands holding on to cans of coffee, and their voices mingling as they laughed together.

As soon as the door of the convenience store closed behind the pair of men, the group of students emerged from their hiding spots, breathing a little more freely now. Clearly, some of them had gaped at the sight in front of them with bated breaths.

It was Tachihara who spoke first, "Wasn't that the Russian Literature professor? I think his name is Dostoevsky."

Gin stared at him, "Dosto-what-now?"

Tachihara repeated, "Dostoevsky Fyodor."

Gin said decidedly, "I'm going to call him Russian-sensei. More importantly, why's he with Chuuya-san?"

Very meekly, it was Atsushi who answered her question, "Maybe they just decided to get coffee like us."

Higuchi huffed, "But they looked so close!"

Akutagawa spoke up, his voice quiet as usual, "They probably know each other from work."

Gin rolled her eyes, "In that case, wouldn't Russian-sensei be friends with Dazai-sensei? Since they are both literature professors."

A disappointed air about him, Tachihara sighed, "I can't believe our dad has a new boyfriend. The betrayal."

Gin sniffled too, "Poor other dad. I wonder if he'll be okay after such a betrayal?"

Well versed in her friends' humour, Higuchi joined in with a laugh, "Do you think Dazai-sensei filed for divorce because Chuuya-san met Dos-sensei at the colleagues drinking party he went to, and they hit it off, and our dad decided that he liked the Russian dude more than his husband at home?"

Tanizaki stared at at her, "That is... Oddly specific."

Naomi spoke up, "But it makes sense! What if dad met our new soon-to-be step-dad at the drinking party?!"

It was Gin who decided that an intervention was needed at this point, "All jokes aside, there is no way Chuuya-san would ever consider such a ridiculous thing. I'm sure the parents are doing just fine."

Having gotten their snacks checked out and now walking out of the store, Tachihara shrugged, "Well, I hope you're right, at least."

*

5.

Within a few days after the convenience store incident, the group of students accidentally stumbled upon a very undesirable sight. Once again, the three Physics students had met up with the four Literature majors, and they were all just walking along the campus roads, trying to get the fuck out of there already.

They were passing by one of the secluded gardens, when they heard two very familiar voices. Clearly, such a thing warrantied for further investigation. Hence, the students stopped immediately, looking around to find the source of these voices.

Sure enough, there stood Dazai-sensei and Chuuya-san in the vacant garden, talking amongst themselves in heated voices. Dazai was seated on one of the benches, and even though the usual nonchalant air about him was very much present, on closer notice, it could be seen that he was rather irritated.

Right in front of him, Chuuya was pacing back and forth, occasionally stopping to glare at his husband and screaming profanities at him. He then went right back to pacing, as Dazai said a bunch of things too, rolling his eyes and pursing his lips.

The students couldn't exactly hear what they were saying, but Atsushi could pick up certain phrases. He had unnaturally sharp hearing, so it was kind of expected of him, but pretty cool at the same time. He uncomfortably relayed the phrases he'd overheard his professors speaking to the others;

"Oh my fucking god, you are such an idiot!"

"Chuuya, it's not that big of a deal, okay?"

"Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you. This is unacceptable!"

"Uh huh. Okay. Are you done? I have better things to do."

"...You fucking asshole. Say that, I dare you-"

Naturally, it took only a few exchanged glances amongst the physics students trio to decide their next course of action. Saving their professors' (read: parents') marriage was clearly their responsibility now. Hence, they would definitely have to go over to them and stop this ridiculous argument before it escalated. Right?

*

1.

"Okay, stop!!" Gin very confidently marched her way into the garden, stopping right in front of the two teachers. Of course, the others had no choice but to follow.

Dazai spoke when he noticed his students, "Oh? You guys are here with Chuuya's students too?"

Akutagawa bowed respectfully, "We're friends with them."

The literature professor beamed, "Oh, how nice!"

Chuuya rolled his eyes at him before turning to face his students, "What's up, guys?"

Gin announced, "We are here to tell you two that we know you're thinking of getting a divorce. And we don't approve of it!"

Tachihara nodded, "Yep. You're not allowed to get a divorce."

For a few seconds, neither of the teachers said anything. Then, Chuuya turned to his husband, "We're getting a divorce? Damn dude, why didn't you tell me earlier? I would've thrown a celebratory party."

Dazai huffed fondly, "So, so mean, Chuuya. But I didn't know of our divorce either! I wasn't informed; I would have made changes in the divorce papers to confirm that you'd still be my dog for life after you sign them."

Chuuya flicked his partner on the head, "I'm not your dog, oi."

"Dog, husband, love of my life; same thing, ne?"

A snort, "Definitely not, asshole." Then turning back to his students, "What made you think we're getting a divorce?"

The other professor added, "Because we're definitely not."

Higuchi sighed loudly, before getting to explaining, "Well, the rumour has been around for weeks now. And we decided to do make some observations."

Naomi huffed in annoyance, "And everything points to you two getting a divorce!"

Chuuya snorted again, "Observations? Like what?"

Naomi spoke again, "Well, like how Dazai-sensei has been so tired constantly! And when I tried to talk to him about Chuuya-san, he didn't look interested at all!"

Dazai tilted his head, "Did we talk about that? I have been very busy, and I haven't been sleeping much."

Chuuya sighed, "I know, right? I'm surprised you managed to give all your lectures properly."

Higuchi presented the second piece of evidence, "And then Chuuya-san said he has had a lot of free time and that he didn't want to take Dazai-sensei shopping with him!"

The physics professor blinked in confusion, "That's because Dazai has been busy and hasn't been around to bug me enough lately."

Tachihara joined in, "That makes sense, but then what about the divorce papers Dazai-sensei carries around in that manila folder?"

For a few seconds, nobody said anything. Then, the literature professor pulled out the manila folder in question from his bag, holding it up for display, "You mean this?"

"Yes! You've been carrying it around everywhere."

Dazai chuckled, "Quite observant. I didn't want to announce this yet, but this is just the contract papers with a publishing company that I submitted some of my original work to."

Deciding that it was his turn to speak now, Tanizaki gasped, "No way! You're getting published?!"

The potential author merely smiled, "Well, I'm trying."

Gin beamed at him, "Congratulations, Dazai-sensei! But then what about you two arguing right now?!"

Clearly very amused by this turn of events, Chuuya laughed, "I was just telling Dazai that he needs to sleep more. Going on like this isn't healthy for him."

Wrapping his arms around his partner's waist, Dazai whined, "But Chuuya, the final draft!"

Leaning down to kiss the other's head, Chuuya spoke in the fondest of voices, "Hon, you've got enough time to work on the final draft. Besides, it's already great. And you need to rest more. This pattern of overworking yourself is unhealthy and unsustainable."

When his partner said nothing, he further added softly, "And I'll help you in whichever way you need. So for fuck's sake, come home and go the fuck to sleep."

Dazai sighed deeply, "Fine. Fine, I'll get some more sleep, okay? Thank you, chibi."

His arm still supporting his sleep-deprived partner in place, Chuuya hummed, "Of course, idiot."

It was obvious that the two of them were in their own little world again, probably having completely forgotten of their students' existence. Since forgetting about one's children was clearly so mean, Gin decided to give them a rude little reminder,

"Ugh, look at that. Disgusting. So gross. I can't believe we thought we might be getting a new step-dad."

Dazai peeked out from behind his husband, "What is this step-dad I hear about?"

Higuchi smacked herself in the forehead, "Gin! Can't you stay quiet for once!"

Very amused once again, Chuuya questioned, "Step-dad? Which one of us is getting remarried, oi."

Since the other two physics students were busy dying of unnecessary laughter, Tachihara took it upon himself to answer the question, "We saw you with Dostoevsky-sensei at the nearby convenience store a few days ago. As you'd expect of these two idiots, they decided that he might be the new step-dad."

Gin stopped laughing for long enough to huff indignantly, "Michizou, you little bitch! You were the one who referred to Russian-sensei as Chuuya-san's new boyfriend first!"

Tachihara glared at her, "You-!"

Meanwhile, upon having heard this, Dazai dramatically gasped at his husband, "Chuuya! You've been cheating on me with Fyodor?! How could you!"

Chuuya groaned, "Who's cheating on you, oi! He just asked me to accompany him to the convenience store because he can't read Japanese very well. And all the labels are in Japanese."

Of course, the literature professor ignored all of that, "I cannot believe you. How could you betray me like this, Nakahara-san!"

His partner glared at him some more, before sighing and raising both of his hands to pinch the brunet's cheeks, "Shut the fuck up. I did not betray you, damn it!"

Dazai pouted, as if he was actually so very upset, "But, Nakahara-san!"

Chuuya tilted his head slightly, before rolling his eyes and giving the other a fond smile, "Aren't you forgetting something? I am married to you, and I love you, Nakahara-san."

Dazai jumped off his bench at once, "No! Anything but that! That's so unfair Chuuya, how could you just say that! I'm leaving, this is absolutely-"

With that, the literature professor actually gathered his things, hastening to walk out of the garden, seriously attempting to hide his very flustered face from his simple, innocent students. Of course, his students were neither simple nor innocent.

As Chuuya followed his partner out of the gardens after bidding his goodbyes to his students, the trio of his students hollered after them, "See you on Monday, Chuuya-san and Nakahara-sensei!"

As expected, they could hear their beloved Nakahara-sensei (read: Dazai) yell right back at them, "One more word and I'm failing all of you on your mid-terms."

Chuuya could be heard laughing as he walked away with the other one, "Don't threaten your students, Shitty Dazai."

The students couldn't help but burst out laughing too. It was just so funny after all.

Once the professors had left, Gin turned to her classmates, "We don't take Dazai-sensei's class; so we can definitely keep calling him Nakahara-sensei, right?"

Higuchi nodded sagely, "I vote yes."

Tachihara pulled out his phone, "I'm changing his contact name to Nakahara-sensei right away."

The other two followed suit and pulled out their phones before nodding in agreement, 

"Same, and done."