Archive of Our Own ^beta

The phone keeps ringing.

It’s hard to focus on that when Donghyuck is kissing Jeno like she wants to devour her, nipping at her lips and moving her hands idly underneath her shirt, over her stomach, her fingers teasingly brushing just under her boobs. Jeno gasps when Donghyuck finally gets her hands on them, giggling at how cute it is that they fit perfectly in her palms—as though they haven't done this a million times. 

The phone won’t stop fucking ringing. 

“Shouldn’t you get that?” Donghyuck asks, airy. She starts kissing Jeno’s neck, tugging her shirt down so she can start sucking another mark over her collarbones, all counter intuitive and evil.

“No,” Jeno gasps, “It’s probably just some— fuck, some scam call.” 

“Uh-huh.” Donghyuck says. She trails gentle fingers up Jeno’s torso again, hiking her shirt up fully to get better access to her tits, and just as she presses a wet kiss in between them the phone goes silent. Peace at last, Jeno thinks, and even that thought fades out quickly when Donghyuck snakes a hand into her shorts, her tongue working in lazy circles over her hard nipple. Jeno lets out a breathless sigh and arches into her touch, almost lightheaded with anticipation—when a violent knock sounds on the front door. 

“Jeno Lee! I know you’re in there!”

Jeno sits up so quickly that she almost hits her head on the bed frame.

“Fuck!” she exclaims.

“What is it?” Donghyuck asks.

Not what. Jeno thinks, but rather, who.

“It’s my mom. She said she’d drop by this weekend but I didn’t think—” 

“Jeno!” the voice sounds again. This time, the knocks are louder, echoing throughout the tiny apartment. Jeno is convinced her mother is trying to break and enter.

“I’m coming!” she yells back. 

Donghyuck still looks a little dazed when Jeno shoves her backwards and scrambles out of bed. She has her legs twisted in the sheets, so it’s less of a climb and more of a graceless tumble and thud down onto the clothes littered carpet.

“Oh my god?” Donghyuck says. She crawls over to the edge of the bed, hastily throwing her berry pink hair out of her face so she can ogle at Jeno.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to leave?” Donghyuck asks, but she’s clearly holding back laughter, face flushed and eyes innocently wide. 

“No!”

Donghyuck bites her bottom lip to stop another smile from growing. Jeno clears her throat and tries again, softer and less desperate.

“No,” Jeno says. She stands up and smooths her shirt down. “Just, stay here. I’ll go talk to her.”

Jeno takes a deep breath, and when she swings open the door her mom is standing outside with a lunchbox in her hands.

“Jeno, sweetie! There you are.” She throws her arms around her daughter in a fierce hug. “For a second there I thought I rang the wrong apartment.”

Jeno’s mom doesn’t let go of her as she struggles backwards to close the door behind them.

“Hi mom,” she says. “You can let go now.” Her mother finally pulls back to look at her and makes a face. “You don’t seem that happy to see me. I told you I was coming, right?” 

“Yes, of course I’m happy to see you. It’s just not a good time, so—” Jeno starts.

“Is there someone here with you?” her mother asks. She stands on her tiptoes to look over Jeno’s shoulder, and Jeno hastily leans into her vision.

“What! No! Here, let me take your bag.” She grabs the lunchbox from her mother’s perfectly manicured hands.

“You made me food?” she prompts.

Mrs. Lee waves a dismissive hand. “Yes, yes, but who is it? One of your friends? A boyfriend?”

Definitely not. Jeno thinks.

“I told you, there’s no one here. I was just napping when you called, that’s all.”

“You’re a bad liar,” Her mother says, still peering around the living room like someone will materialize out of thin air.

“I don't have a boyfriend.” Jeno insists. 

“Jeno, you’re twenty one. You know you’re old enough to date, right?” Jeno’s mother grabs her arm and tugs her through the living room and over to the half-shut bedroom door. “I’ve been waiting for this. Come on, introduce me!” she says.

“Mom, seriously, wait.” Jeno says, terror rising inside of her as her mother pushes the door open. Inside, Donghyuck is exactly where Jeno left her, hanging over the edge of the mattress as she scrolls through her phone. She looks up when Jeno’s mom throws open the door. There’s a stunned silence on all ends for a long, nausea inducing minute, before Donghyuck raises her hand up in a polite wave. “Hi, Mrs. Lee,” she says. 

It takes a second.

“Oh, yes. Hello!” Mrs. Lee responds, she turns to look at Jeno, and for the first time it seems that she registers the hickeys blooming on her neck, all on top of a stretched out collar. She looks over at Donghyuck, and then back at Jeno, and then back at Donghyuck again, before something like realization crosses over her face. Jeno braces herself for the worst. Her parents had been relatively normal about it when one of her favorite cousins had come out as bi, but it’s simply not the same. Jeno has been saddled with the brunt of her parent’s attention for as long as she’s been alive, and consequently, their heaviest expectations. It’s one thing for a semi-distant relative to be seen as ‘different.’ It’s another thing entirely for Jeno to be the one flaying herself open like this. The inevitable change scares her the most. She all but pales when her mom releases the hold she has on her arm. 

“Oh, but honey,” her mother says softly, “Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?” 

Jeno forces her eyes open. “What?”

“This girl,” her mother insists. “The two of you are romantically involved…correct?”

“She’s not my girlfriend.” Jeno starts, “She’s—we’re just…” Messing around. Fuckbuddies. “Coworkers.” she blurts.

Her mom gives her a quizzical look. “I thought you were too busy with school and volleyball to work?” she says. 

“It’s still pretty new.” Donghyuck cuts in, she gets off the bed and walks over to take Jeno’s hand in hers. “We really just started dating, so we were waiting for the right moment to tell you.” 

Jeno gives her a sideways look, something that she hopes translates as: what the fuck are you doing? Donghyuck barely makes eye contact. She squeezes Jeno’s hand so firmly it makes her wince. 

“Oh, I see,” Jeno’s mom says. She's looking between them with a hand on her cheek, like Jeno has seen her do when she’s trying to solve the daily crossword. “It’s still very nice to meet you,” she says slowly. “I don’t think I caught your name?”

“Donghyuck! It’s nice to meet you too.” Donghyuck extends her free hand, and Jeno’s mom reaches forward to pull her into a hug instead.

“So you’re the reason why Jeno doesn't come home as often, hm?” Mrs. Lee hums. She pulls away from Donghyuck to stare at her face. Jeno wants the carpet to open up and drop her on a different continent. 

“Wow, how did a pretty girl like you end up with my sweetie Jeno? I was beginning to think she’d die alone,” her mother says, and Donghyuck breaks into a surprised laugh.

Actually, Jeno takes that back. It feels like she’s already standing in a different timeline completely, one where her mom knows she’s gay and is squeezing her pseudo-girlfriend’s cheeks affectionately. 

“Mom,” Jeno says weakly. 

“I’m just pulling your leg, honey. I’m proud of you! I’m just a little hurt that you didn't feel like you could tell me about this…new side of you.” 

It's not new. Jeno wants to say, but she’s not trying to offset whatever luck is on her side today. 

“What the fuck is happening?” Jeno murmurs. Her mother smacks her on the arm. “No swearing!” she says. “If you had told me you had your girlfriend over I would've taken both of you out to lunch! We’ll have to connect sometime soon, right?”

“Oh definitely,” Donghyuck says. “I love food. Huge fan.” 

It takes a remarkable amount of hassling to finally get Mrs. Lee to leave the apartment. Jeno promises too many things that she’ll definitely regret later, and when her mom finally crosses the threshold she locks the door behind her and slumps down onto the floor, burnt out. Donghyuck seems to take pity on her and slides down as well.

“Sorry about—you know, stepping in like that. You kind of looked like you were struggling. Just a bit.” Donghyuck says, light. When Jeno doesn’t answer, she gently bumps their knees together. “Hey, are you okay? Did I overstep?”

“No, no.” Jeno reassures her. “Everything’s fine, I just—I can’t believe that was how I came out to my mother.” 

“Oh,” Donghyuck says. “I feel like it went pretty well, right? She was so chill I thought she already knew you were a raging lesbian.”

Jeno shoots her a glare, and Donghyuck puts her hands up in surrender. “Sorry.” she says, unusually sincere. Jeno knows that Donghyuck had had a completely different reaction when she’d come out to her parents, and any jokes are just part of her fucked up coping mechanisms. “It’s okay, really.” Jeno reassures her. She lets her head rest on Donghyuck’s shoulder.

“I wanted to tell her on my own terms, but she just waltzed in here and assumed everything immediately. It’s really more annoying than anything,” Jeno says, and Donghyuck makes a sympathetic noise. “I love my mom so much and I know she means well,” Jeno continues, “But she has no sense of privacy. She’s probably going to tell everyone I have a girlfriend now. And I mean like everyone. Well-meaning strangers included.”

“So?” Donghyuck says. 

“So? We’re not even dating!” Jeno points out. 

“As long as you’re okay with it, I don’t mind.” Donghyuck says. 

Jeno sits up to look at her. She’s not too good at reading Donghyuck’s mood from her voice alone, but when she looks into her eyes she doesn't find any of the sarcasm she was expecting. “What? You’re okay with random people thinking you’re my girlfriend?”

Donghyuck shrugs. “It’s just pretend. Plus, we could always just stage a breakup and keep doing what we’re doing. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“But—“

“Would you rather tell your mom that we’re just friends with benefits?” She throws her head against the door and fakes a wanton moan, “Oh, Mrs.Lee, your daughter makes me feel. So. Gooood.” Donghyuck groans, and Jeno shoves her hard enough that it startles a laugh out of her. 

“I guess you have a point.” Jeno says, begrudgingly. 

“I always do.” Donghyuck hums, she affectionately taps Jeno on the nose, a gesture far too innocent for what she says next. “Now if you don’t mind, I’d really like to pick up where we left off.”

//

Donghyuck and Jeno began at the tail end of the summer, in the bathroom of some house party on campus. 

Jeno hadn't even wanted to go, but she’d been dragged out by Jaemin and her strange courtship ritual of “accidentally” running into Renjun Huang at these events. Jaemin had somehow decided that it was Jeno’s duty as her best friend to accompany her, and Jeno has always had a hard time saying no to her—even knowing Jaemin would ditch her as soon as she set her eyes on a certain sharp eyed girl. 

Consequently, Jeno had already been tipsy when she stumbled into the bathroom to check that the eyeliner Jaemin had dutifully flicked onto her eyelids wasn't smudging—and there Donghyuck was, perched on the vanity in a teeny tiny white dress. Like an angel, if angels had great tits and a cotton candy flavored vape pen. 

Donghyuck hadn't tasted like cotton candy when she kissed Jeno in one of the bedrooms upstairs, but she’d been sweet, and sweeter still when she’d hiked her dress up to sit on Jeno’s face with her tan thighs pressed up against her ears. She’d gasped out endless praise as she grinded her wet folds against Jeno’s mouth, dripping all the way down her chin. After she’d returned the favor, she’d crawled into Jeno’s lap and helped her reapply her doubly smudged eyeliner, all while going off on a tangent about how much she hated girl in red’s music— Don't ask me if I listen to girl in red, just ask me if I like girls! Holy shit! —and the rest, as people say, is pretty recent history.

“I’m sorry, your mom thinks what?” Jaemin laughs, they’re in the locker room after volleyball practice with a couple of other stragglers, and it's quiet enough that Jeno had finally sat her down to catch her up on the absolute shit show that was this past weekend. “She thinks Donghyuck is my girlfriend.” Jeno huffs. She peels off her practice jersey, briefly contemplating between showering here in the rec center or at home, where privacy is guaranteed and the water pressure is infinitely better. Jaemin is still reeling on the bench behind her. “Are we talking about the same person? Donghyuck Lee? The same girl who thinks commitment makes relationships boring? That Donghyuck?”

“Look, it was her idea—” Jeno insists.

“You’re lying?” Jaemin squawks. 

“And my mom loves her, apparently. She kept asking me why I didn't tell her sooner.” 

“Jeno. Babe. I’m gonna be honest, I do not see this ending well for you.” Jaemin says. 

“We’re not actually dating. We don't have romantic feelings for each other either, so there’s no way this is going to blow up in my face, but thank you for your input, bestie.” Jeno says. She pulls a hoodie over her sweat damp hair. Showering at home it is. 

“Famous last words.” Jaemin says wryly. Jeno sticks her tongue out at her, already having said her piece. 

The plan is foolproof. 

Long after Donghyuck had left her apartment Sunday night Jeno had stayed up thinking about it, weighing the pros and cons of being honest with her mother about being gay and perpetually single. Spoiler alert: the negatives had far outweighed the positives. Jaemin tugs on Jeno’s ponytail as they head out of the rec. “You know I’m only looking out for you, right?” she says. “Yeah, I know.” Jeno says, “And I’ve got this, trust me.” 

“Whatever you say, casanova.” Jaemin says. She hikes her backpack further up her shoulder. “Wanna grab lunch with me and Junnie?” As soon as Jaemin can ask the question, Jeno’s phone buzzes with a text. She digs it out of her hoodie pocket, and is unsurprised to see that it’s Donghyuck.

Come over? The text reads. Jaemin hooks a chin over Jeno’s shoulder as she types back her response. 

jenjen

sorryyy

in desperate need of a shower

maybe later?

Jeno watches as the text bubbles pop up and disappear. She blinks down at her phone, not realizing she’s holding her breath until an image pops up.

“Yeah, okay. I definitely did not need to see that.” Jaemin groans, lifting her head off Jeno’s shoulder.

“That’s what you get for being nosy.” Jeno says—or at least that’s what she would say, if Donghyuck’s mirror selfie hadn't fried the communication center of her brain. The picture is mild enough, especially compared to some of the stuff the girl has sent her in the past. It’s just Donghyuck, standing shirtless in her well lit bathroom with an arm pressed over her bare chest, simultaneously shielding her nipples and accentuating the swell of her fantastic boobs. Her hair is piled high on top of her head, and the only article of clothing she’s wearing is a pair of boyshorts slung unusually low on her narrow hips. 

sunshine

IMG_82511

if you come over 

we can shower together

Jeno looks up from her phone screen and across at Jaemin, who rolls her eyes. “You're ditching me for her, aren't you?”

“I’m really, really sorry, Jaem. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Jeno says. 

“Apologize to your poor stomach.” Jaemin responds, “Pussy is not a good substitute for a well balanced meal.”

“You’re literally going to get burgers!” Jeno protests. 

“Your point?” 

“Just tell Renjun I said hi, okay?” Jeno says. She cups Jaemin’s face to smack two wet kisses over her cheeks in apology, and Jaemin grouches but lets her do it anyway. 

They part ways, and Jeno tries not to sound too excited when she texts Donghyuck back. 

jenjen

be there in 15

sunshine

<3

//

“Can't believe you kept me waiting so long.” Donghyuck pants, her legs parting under Jeno’s fingers so Jeno can fuck her tongue into her properly. She revels in the way that Donghyuck grows noticeably wetter, salty under the taste of clean skin. Jeno licks a stripe up the length of her, gathering the slick from her core on her tongue before sucking her clit into her mouth. Donghyuck lets out another gorgeous moan at that, her hands scrambling to push Jeno’s bangs out of her face. “Fuck, Jeno.”

Jeno pops off to slip two fingers inside her, working them upwards at a steady pace. “I’m always worth the wait, aren't I?” Jeno hums. She’s not usually so cocky, but she’d already made Donghyuck come once with just her fingers, and seeing how close Donghyuck is to another orgasm is giving her sort of a head rush.

“Mm-Yeah,” Donghyuck agrees, too far gone for a proper rebuttal. “Love your hands so much.” she breathes. Jeno adjusts Donghyuck’s thigh over her shoulder to hold her steady and presses in again, lapping at her clit while she thrusts her fingers inside of her. She keeps working until Donghyuck goes taut, shuddering as she orgasms for the second time in the last twenty minutes or so. They’d both had half a mind to turn off the showerhead before they started going at it, and Jeno is oh so grateful for the remnants of water that slide down from Donghyuck’s hair, over her chest and down to her dripping cunt. She pulls Jeno up to her feet to kiss her, rough and filthy against the damp bathroom tiles. Even though she’s gotten off already, more heat pools in Jeno’s stomach as Donghyuck practically ravages her mouth, her hands coming up to squeeze at her chest. Donghyuck always kisses Jeno like she has something to prove, quick and sure, burning her up from the tongue down. 

They end up going for another round—this time on Donghyuck’s bed, all lust and moisturizer damp skin as they rut against each other, ruining all the hard work they’d put into cleaning themselves in the shower. Most of the time Donghyuck is an incurable pillow princess, but sometimes she’s like this, pushing Jeno down onto the sheets with an iron will just so she can ride her. 

After Jeno rolls over, fucked out and trembling, her stomach makes the loudest, most humbling noise ever. Donghyuck laughs so hard she snorts, and Jeno would make fun of her if she wasn’t so embarrassed herself. (That, and she actually thinks Donghyuck’s laugh is really, really cute).

“Sorry.” she settles on. “I told you I came right here after practice.”

Donghyuck waves her hand dismissively. “You’re fine—” she smiles, and as if on cue, Jeno’s stomach rumbles again.

“It’s okay, seriously. I have some kimchi jjigae leftover in the fridge if you want? There's probably some instant rice, too.” 

Jeno cannot think of a single time that she's been over and Donghyuck hasn't had leftover kimchi jjigae. Beggars can’t be choosers, though, so after stealing an oversized shirt and some shorts out of Donghyuck’s closet, she follows her out into the kitchen and allows her to warm up enough stew for the both of them. 

She watches as Donghyuck busies herself with setting things up, and allows herself to just...look at her for a little bit. The pink in her hair is fading fast, and the curls are piled at the back of her head in a messy bun, like she was more concerned about getting it out of her face than she was about making it look pretty. It's not a noticeable difference, though, because Donghyuck always looks effortlessly cute. 

Her cheeks are still flushed from the shower, her body constantly clinging to warmth, and the shirt she’s wearing has slipped down low enough that Jeno can see the dipper constellation tattooed underneath her collarbone—an homage to the same smattering of moles on her cheek. 

“If you stare any harder I think you’re going to vaporize me.” Donghyuck says, drawing Jeno out of her daydream. She feels her cheeks heat up as Donghyuck slides a bowl and spoon over to her.

“I wasn't staring,” Jeno says, a little too late. Her heart is beating unusually quickly.

“It must be terrible, being so obsessed with me,” Donghyuck says. Her tone is jovial, but there's a shimmer in her eyes that's making Jeno feel like there are a thousand butterflies erupting in her belly, new and frightening.

“I-I’m not—I’m not obsessed.” She laughs, mouth dry.

Donghyuck gives her a worried look. “Are you having an aneurysm or something?” 

Jeno thinks she might be. She and Donghyuck have been hooking up consistently for a couple of months now, but she’s never really taken time to consider if she was harboring any romantic feelings for her. Their relationship thus far has been exactly what it says on the cover: Donghyuck has come to be a good friend who just so happens to give Jeno mind blowing orgasms a couple of times a week. She hasn't once thought of what it would be like to step into more romantic territory, but now the image has already taken root in her gay little brain. She blames Jaemin for even planting the idea.

“Shut up,” Jeno says, finally, and she shoves a lump of kimchi and tofu in her mouth to stop herself from saying anything stupid. 

“What were you thinking so hard about?” Donghyuck presses. 

“Jaemin says you think commitment is boring.” Jeno blurts. She slaps a hand over her mouth. “Oh my god, I didn’t mean that.”

“Well I’m sure she did.” Donghyuck says. She punches her chopsticks into her rice like it has personally offended her. “Jaemin is such a mythic bitch, seriously. I never even said that.” 

“She’s my best friend.” Jeno simpers. 

“Your best friend is a mythic bitch.” Donghyuck repeats. “And she loves knowing it, too.”

“It’s like you don't even like me.” Jeno teases, and Donghyuck rolls her eyes.

“I like you lots, Jen. I just can't stand Na.”

“Well she’s my best friend, so you hate me by proxy.” 

“That’s not how that works. Like, not even a little bit.” 

“That’s exactly how it works. And to think, all those times you said you enjoyed my company, it was all a lie.” 

“Stop that. You know you’re my favorite.” Donghyuck says, and Jeno greedily latches onto it. You’re her favorite, her brain echoes.

“Jaemin has just had it out for me since I broke up with her freshman year. These are the facts.”

Jeno stops chewing. “Woah, hold up. You and Jaemin used to date? She never mentioned that.” 

“Yeah, well. We lasted like a week tops, so that’s probably why.”

Jeno is absolutely sure that Jaemin is not still hung up on Donghyuck because she’s completely enamored by Renjun now, but it’s still funny to think, that back when they were all fumbling to find some solid footing freshman year, Donghyuck and Jaemin had had a thing. 

“What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“If I don’t tell you you’ll probably ask Jaemin, won’t you?”

Jeno smiles sheepishly. Duh. 

“It wasn't anything in particular. I really liked Jaemin at the time, but I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, so I told her that.” 

“Have you dated anyone since then?” Jeno asks.

“Not seriously.” Donghyuck says. “Limited dating experience is part of the queer…” she pauses to flail her hands around. “The queer experience!”

It’s not exactly fair of Jeno to point this out, because even though she’s had the opportunity to hook up with a few girls on campus (thank you, questionable dating apps) she’s never been in a serious relationship either. It’s mostly due to a lack of trying though, because Jeno is a painfully shy homebody, but Donghyuck is—Donghyuck is the kind of girl that turns heads whenever she walks into a room. She could have anything she wanted. 

“What’s really stopping you?” Jeno asks.

“I think if I found the right person, maybe. I don’t know.” Donghyuck says. She tugs at the ring around her pointer finger and slips it back on, a nervous tic. “I don't know,” she repeats, “I just don’t want to get hurt. That’s a valid concern, don’t you think?”

I wouldn’t hurt you. Jeno thinks. “Would you date me?”

Donghyuck’s phone rings on the counter, and she picks it up to answer it. The telltale swoosh of a Facetime call follows, and Donghyuck groans as soon as she sees who it is. 

“Oh for fucks sake Chenle, don’t say it.”

“I got locked out again. Please come get me, my darling knight in shining armor.” 

“What’s the point of having a key if you never remember to bring it, dummy?” Donghyuck huffs, but she’s already sliding her slippers on and swiping her keys off the counter. She seems to remember Jeno is there as she’s undoing the lock to her front door. “Sorry, Jen.” she pouts. “I’ll be right back.” 

Chenle arrives with armfuls of pizza boxes that she’d stolen from some art event on campus, which seems to placate Donghyuck’s temper, although not by much. She’s chewing on a cheese slice when she says, “I don’t understand how you forget your keys every other day. You’re going to get us robbed.” 

Chenle waves her off. “Renjun always locks the door after me, it’s fine.” 

“Hi, Chenle,” Jeno says, when she can get a word in edgewise.

“Hi, angel.” Chenle smiles. She’s got one of those smiles that seem to emanate warmth, and she and Jaemin are the only ones who call Jeno angel. It makes her flush no matter the occasion. 

Donghyuck clears her throat to redirect Chenle’s attention again. 

“Well thanks to Jaemin, Junnie is barely even home anymore, so if you love me you’ll start taking your keys.” Donghyuck says. 

“Why do we always circle back to Jaemin somehow?” Chenle groans. “If I didn’t know better I’d say you were jealous or something.” 

“Thank God you know absolutely nothing.”

Chenle and Donghyuck have an… odd way of communicating. It had given Jeno endless anxiety when she’d first started getting to know them. They’re both pretty loud personalities, but it doesn’t take a genius to see that they care deeply for each other. How they choose to show it is questionable, but what does Jeno know, really? 

“No, no, you’re right. Why would you be jealous when you’ve clearly got a crush on our dear, sweet—” She’s cut off when Donghyuck throws the nearest object at her, which is, unfortunately, a half-empty pizza box. 

Chenle watches helplessly as tomato sauce splatters all over the hardwood floor. 

“Wowwww,” Chenle starts, long and drawn out. “Didn't Renjun clean yesterday? I hope she smothers you in your sleep.”

Donghyuck walks over to Jeno and plops herself down in her lap, unexpectedly, and says: “Hold me back.”

The sun is beginning to set when Jeno finally makes the trip back to her own apartment. In the time she was away she managed to break up two of Chenle and Donghyuck’s pseudo-fights, finish her anatomy modules, and round up some more leftover pizza. She’s putting the keys into her apartment lock before she realizes, that Donghyuck had never answered her question. 

//

“So? Dinner?” Mrs Lee says.

Jeno has her phone tucked between her shoulder and her ear, both her hands preoccupied with the massive water bottle she had started lugging to away games to make sure she was getting enough fluids somehow. She’s sitting in the very back of the bus, and even though the rest of her teammates are scattered all around they’re still loud enough that she’s having trouble hearing what her mom is saying. It doesn’t help that Jeno is only half listening.

“Sorry, Dinner? What?” she asks. 

“With me, your dad and Donghyuck! It’ll be like a double date.”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” Jeno says. 

“But why? Is it so bad that I want to get to know your girlfriend better?”

“You mean you want me to allow you to interrogate her over dinner.” Jeno deadpans. She nibbles on the straw of her water bottle, and her mom hesitates on the other end of the line.  

“…Yes?”

“I don’t know if she can. She’s pretty busy during the week.”

“Just ask her. We can go to that fancy restaurant you like. We’ll pay for your food and everything, all you have to do is show up and look pretty.”

“What was that? You’re breaking up.” Jeno says.

“I said—”

“Oh my god, the service here is so bad, I’ll have to call you back later.”

“But—”

“Ahh sorryloveyoubye!” She hangs up and sags against the seat. Next to her, Jaemin holds up her bag of chips. 

“You good?” 

“Yeah it’s just—my parents want to meet my girlfriend. Over dinner.”

“Oh,” Jaemin croons. “The lie is getting serious now, isn't it?”

“Woah, I didn't know you had a girlfriend! Do we know her? Is she pretty?” someone pipes up. Jeno looks up to find that Jisung has turned around in her seat and is giving her a bright eyed stare. 

“Of course she’s pretty.” Jeno says immediately. 

“Can we see? Do you have a picture?” Shotaro adds on. She leans across the aisle expectantly. Why is everyone in Jeno’s business these days?

“We’re not actually dating. It’s just a thing to get my mom to get off my back? I think? It’s kind of complicated so can we just drop it?”

“Speak of the devil.” Jaemin says, and Jeno follows her gaze to the notification on her phone screen.

sunshine

saw this puppy at work today and thought of you 

IMG_82589

hehe isn’t she so cute

your twin for realll

i keep looking at it

miss you :(

call me when you’re free?

“I love that it’s been three hours since you’ve seen her and she’s already blowing up your phone.” Jaemin hums. Though it doesn’t sound like she loves it. Not particularly. Jeno had seen her text a bunch of doe eyed emojis to Renjun earlier to no response, so she knows she’s just being hateful for no reason. “Can we pleaseee see a picture.” Jisung pouts. 

“Stop acting cute. It doesn't suit you.” Jaemin chides, but Jeno opens up her phone to find Donghyuck’s Instagram anyway. She has lots of selfies nestled in between loving food pics, and there's a teeny tiny part of Jeno that wants to show her off, even if they aren't actually together. 

//

Jeno doesn’t get to contact Donghyuck until much later, when everyone has settled into their assigned rooms for the night. Jeno lucked out with a room of her own, due to one of her teammates being out sick for this tournament. Captain’s privileges, Jaemin had sneered, but she didn’t seem too bummed out about sharing with Jisung. Jeno thinks she’s only mean to the poor freshman due to some severe case of cute aggression. It all works out though, because the solitude allows Jeno to call Donghyuck sometime around midnight. 

“I know you’re only gone for the weekend, but I still miss you. Do you miss me?” Donghyuck says. They’ve been talking for a while now, and Jeno’s phone is somewhere under her pillow, Donghyuck’s saccharine voice coming through via the airpods in her ears. 

“I always miss you.”

Donghyuck hums, satisfied . She’d had a long day at the Youth Center—if their conversation was anything to go by—and Jeno thinks that it must be nice for her to unwind like this. 

What are you wearing? Donghyuck says suddenly. 

You can’t be serious.

Come on, Jen. Help me out here. 

Jeno looks down at herself like she hadn’t just climbed out of the shower a couple of minutes ago. 

Umm boxers and a shirt? The one you like, with the big teddy bear on it. 

Hot. Donghyuck says. Jeno hears her shuffle around as though to make herself more comfortable. What would you do if I was there?

Are we really doing this? Jeno laughs.

Mhm. Unless you don’t want to? I miss your fingers so much, baby.

Jeno rolls over onto her side and tucks her knees up, pushing her thighs together to ease the ache that bubbles up at Donghyuck’s words. 

What else do you miss?

Miss your lips. Wish you were kissing me right now.

You’re always so needy, Hyuck. Jeno exhales. 

You like it. she says back. You like it when I beg too, don’t you?

Yeah, Jeno says, because she’s too far gone to be ashamed of it now. Like all the pretty sounds you make when I get my mouth on you. 

I wish you could see me right now. She cuts herself off with a breathy laugh. M’so fucking wet, Jen. 

Fuck. Jeno whispers. She can see it in her mind's eye so clearly: Donghyuck, propped up on her pillows with a hand rubbing herself over her panties, the other one idly playing with her nipples under whatever top she’s wearing, maybe. She’s always most sensitive right there. 

Facetime me? Jeno asks, and Donghyuck’s next words are punched out, like she couldn't bother gathering enough air to say them.

Can’t. My hands are busy. 

Touching yourself already? So impatient, Hyuckie.

Donghyuck makes another small noise at the nickname, and it’s enough to get Jeno to finally drag her hands down to relieve some of the pressure in between her legs.

Wanna come so bad, Jen. Donghyuck gasps.  

Wish I could taste you. I’d fuck you open with my tongue, wouldn’t stop until you were shaking, just how you like it. Jeno sighs. The filth spills from her lips like poetry when Donghyuck is involved, and the other girl loves it, if her quiet moans are anything to go by. 

God, yes. Donghyuck says. Jeno can’t believe how vocal she’s being all on her own. All the sounds she makes go directly to where Jeno is ruining her underwear, desperately pushing down on her fingers. She hears Donghyuck come with a sharp intake of breath, and that pushes her over the edge even faster. It doesn't take much else. All Jeno has to do is imagine Donghyuck’s flushed post-o face, and then she’s panting against the pillows, too-warm but sated.

Jeno takes a shaky breath and shuffles closer to her phone. That was…

Yeah. 

Don’t hang up yet. 

Donghyuck giggles at that. I'm not gonna be able to move for a while, don’t worry. 

I have a favor to ask. Jeno starts. She figures now is as good a time as any to bring it up, and she waits for Donghyuck’s hum of approval before continuing. My mom is trying to get us to go to dinner with her and my dad, but I really don’t want to, so just say the word and I’ll tell her no.

Donghyuck is quiet on the other end of the line. 

Do we have to pay? I have $12 to my name right now.

Well no…but they're probably gonna ask you a ton of questions.

That’s it? I don't need to hear anything else. We’re going.

//

“I think I’m actually going to throw up.” Jeno says. She takes another deep breath as Donghyuck works another section of her hair around a curling wand, practiced and perfect.

“Don’t you dare. I’ll never let you in this apartment again.”

“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”

“I can’t believe you had to be talked into this. Free yummy food and a pretty, charming girl on your arm to woo your parents. The universe just gave you a gift, Jeno Lee. College students everywhere are shaking with jealousy.” Donghyuck says.

“That’s kind of cocky, isn’t it?” 

“So you don’t think I'm pretty and charming? Noted.” 

“No I…of course I do.” Jeno says softly. When she locks eyes with Donghyuck in the mirror, the other girl’s ears are flushed pink. Probably from the heat of the bathroom right now, Jeno thinks. “Really Donghyuck, you’re like, the prettiest ever.” Donghyuck doesn’t respond, instead focusing on carefully framing her hair around her shoulders. She steps back to admire her handiwork. “What do you think?” she asks. 

Jeno stops breaking her neck to look at the other girl and instead faces her reflection in the mirror. There’s not much to be said, except that it looks good. Jeno had dyed her hair a few weeks prior in the midst of some questionable emotional breakdown. It had come out a shade of blue so dark it looks black until Jeno holds her head under some direct light, but Donghyuck had liked it, so eventually Jeno had, too.

“I love it. Thank you.” she says, suddenly feeling all soft and mushy inside.

“You’re welcome, baby.” Donghyuck says. She presses a chaste kiss to the top of her head before shooing her out of the bathroom so she can do her own makeup. “I can't concentrate while you do that staring thing.” she explains. 

“I don’t stare!” Jeno protests, but Donghyuck slams the door in her face anyway. 

When Donghyuck finally steps out of the bathroom, Jeno is lying on her back on the carpet and scrolling through her phone, having already given up on keeping her hair frizz free. They're definitely going to be late, too, but as soon as she sees Donghyuck, she decides that it's a worthwhile sacrifice. “Holy shit.” Jeno says, quiet enough that Donghyuck nervously tugs on the strap of her dress. 

“What? Too slutty?” 

Jeno cocks her head to the side. “Um?”

That’s not the word Jeno would use. The dress Donghyuck is wearing is a golden yellow that makes her skin glow, and it’s clinging to her in all the right places. There’s a slit going up to the middle of her thigh, showcasing her long, long legs. 

Jeno is so irredeemably gay. 

“Too boring.” Donghyuck guesses. 

“No, Donghyuck. You’re…you look beautiful.” Jeno says, breathless at the sight of her alone. “You think so?” Donghuck says. She slowly spins around to give Jeno a three sixty view, and Jeno rubs her sweaty palms over her own dress. 

“Yeah. Remind me why you want to go to this dinner again? Because I think I have a better suggestion.”

“Jeno. We are not ditching your parents to have sex.”

“I dunno, I think it’s a solid idea …”

“It’s a terrible idea.” Donghyuck says. She crosses the room to help Jeno to her feet. She keeps her gaze downwards, locked on their hands, and when she speaks again her voice is uncharacteristically small. “Is it weird that I kind of want to impress your parents?” she asks.

“Not really. Parental validation is one hell of a drug.” Jeno says. She lets go of Donghyuck's hand to tilt her chin up with one finger. “Hey, you’re not getting nervous, are you? That’s my thing.” 

“I don't get nervous.” Donghyuck scoffs. She takes a step back, and just like that, she’s back to normal. “Are you ready to leave?”

“I’ve been ready for over an hour, baby.” The pet name is supposed to come out reprimanding, but it falls flat. Soft. Way too tender. Luckily, Donghyuck doesn’t comment on it.

“Just call the Uber.” she sighs. 

//

Donghyuck’s confidence in her charm hadn’t been ill-placed. Even though her hands are damp under the table where they’re clutching on to Jeno’s, her voice remains even, and she’s already made Jenos dad laugh twice. That’s not even a record Jeno can beat. 

“So start from the beginning! I want to know how you two met!”

“Uh, well…” Jeno starts. 

They’d agreed on some story in the car over. Donghyuck had insisted on a meet-cute, a romantic little tale where Jeno was the clutz who’d spilled her drink all over one of Donghyuck’s vintage t-shirts, and where Donghyuck had been the one to ask her out as payment. They’d giggled about it on the way over, only because it was so obviously fabricated and a lot tamer than the actual event, but from what Jeno can tell her parents are lapping it right up along with the Pinot Grigio. 

“What are you studying, Donghyuck?” Jeno’s father asks.

“I'm double majoring, actually! English and Child Psych.”

“And you want to be a teacher?”

“Or a counselor, yeah. I love kids.”

“I think that kind of work is really underrated, you know?” Jeno’s mom chimes in. “It’s good to see there’s still people like you who really want to make a change in the world. The future is in good hands, it seems.”

Donghyuck flushes from all the praise, even more so underneath the blush she’s wearing. It’s odd to see her so shy, especially when she’s always self-assured. “I hope so.”

“Can’t speak for the salary though.” Jeno’s father says, and both Jeno and her mother give him a look. “That’s his idea of a joke.” Jeno’s mom says, and Donghyuck laughs good naturedly. Jeno doesn’t bother. 

“No, it’s fine. My parents are a lot less kind about it.” she says. She turns to Jeno and smiles. “Besides, once Jeno starts making all that big doctor money it won’t even matter.”

“Right!” Jeno’s mom says. “That’s exactly why I married her father.”

Donghyuck leaves to go to the bathroom right before dessert rolls around, and Jeno already knows how eager her parents are to get her alone, so she’s not surprised when they lean across the table like she can’t hear them perfectly from the other side. “You really like her, huh?” her dad teases. 

For the first time since they arrived at the restaurant, Jeno doesn’t have to filter her thoughts. “I do. I really, really do.”

“The way you look at her reminds me of your father and I when we were younger. Don’t you think so, honey?” Her mom says. She nudges Jeno’s father with her elbow, and the older man nods sagely. “Obviously smitten with each other and pretending not to be…it does sound familiar, yes.” he says. 

“She’s a wonderful girl, Jeno. Don’t let her go.”

Jeno looks down at her lap and only feels a little bit like a fraud. “I won’t.”

//

“Your parents are so nice, Jen. So warm and parent-y, if that makes sense.” Donghyuck says. She’s lying on Jeno’s bed in an old band camp shirt while Jeno brushes her teeth in the bathroom adjacent, talking to her through the open door. 

“They are pretty cool.” Jeno agrees. She turns on the sink to rinse off her mouth and toothbrush before finishing the rest of her thought. “You were amazing, by the way. I think my dad likes you more than me now.” 

“Mission accomplished.” Donghyuck sings. “I’m way more fun than you, anyway.”

Jeno leans on the doorway and gives her a look. “No you’re not.”

“Yes I am? You're not that hard to beat, Jeno Lee. Most boring girl in the world. I only keep you around because I look a hundred times funnier in comparison, ask anybody.” Donghyuck says. 

“Are you sure that’s the only reason?” Jeno asks. She crawls onto the bed and seats herself over the other girl's hips. Donghyuck makes no move to stop her, still splayed out like a ragdoll. “Pretty sure.” she responds. 

“Really?” Jeno continues, she leans forward to trace her thumb over all the piercings on the shell of Donghyuck’s left ear. They’re close enough that Jeno only has to murmur when she says, “You can’t think of anything else?”

“Nope,” Donghyuck says, but this time, her voice is far less smug. Breathless, almost. “You might have to jog my memory a little.”

Jeno leans down to kiss her, finally, not bothering with finesse when she lazily slips her tongue into her mouth. They’ve been doing this long enough that Donghyuck matches her cadence easily, making a muffled sound when Jeno squeezes at her ass. Donghyuck brings her knees up to flip them over, and as soon as Jeno is on her back she leans down to mouth at her neck, biting down so hard it feels like Jeno is being eaten. Donghyuck smooths down the sore spot with her tongue, slotting their legs together so Jeno has something to distract her while Donghyuck makes a mess of her neck. She’s become weirdly possessive in this way, marking Jeno up so avidly that she feels obligated to put on concealer before going out anywhere. It feels so fucking good though, especially when Donghyuck replaces her thigh with her fingers, rubbing lazy circles into Jeno’s throbbing clit. She keeps peppering wet kisses over Jeno’s neck, only pausing to muffle a yawn, right against her shoulder.

Jeno turns her head to send her a dubious look. “Am I really boring you?”

“Mm. A little.” Donghyuck teases, “But I also got like, three hours of sleep last night.” She goes back to touching her, but Jeno stops her hand.

“Huh? Why?”

“I had too much work to do.” Donghyuck says simply.

“And you still wanted to come out tonight?”

“I wasn’t about to reschedule with your parents, Jen.”

But you could’ve. Jeno thinks. She sits up and cups the other girl's face between her fingers, lightly running her thumbs over the dark circles beneath her half-shut eyes. She knows Donghyuck has a knack for being a workaholic, and it tends to be especially bad when all her deadlines start overlapping in the middle of the semester. Jeno wishes she would be easier on herself. 

“I know.” Donghyuck says, before Jeno can say anything. “Renjun already got on my ass about it this morning. And the morning before that.” she pauses. “She’s always on my ass, actually. My sweetie pie Junnie.”

“Do you want me to get you a ride home?” Jeno asks, concerned that Donghyuck may actually be delirious.

“Uh, no?” she pouts. “I haven’t even gotten you off yet.”

“Well yeah, but you’re obviously exhausted, so—“

“Shhh. I wanted to spend time with my favorite girl.” Donghyuck says.“Wanna make you feel good.” She turns her head to brush her lips against Jeno’s palm. Not quite a kiss, but the sentiment is there. Jeno feels something sweet unfurl in her chest.

“You don’t have to, baby. We can do something else instead.” Jeno says.

“Oh,” Donghyuck says. For once, she’s the one who looks blindsided. “Do you really want to?”

Jeno nods. “We can watch a movie?” 

//

Halfway through Mamma Mia Jeno looks down at her lap to find Donghyuck snoring quietly over her covers. She fondly runs her fingers through her hair, combing it back behind her ears. Donghyuck looks most angelic when she sleeps, her round features relaxed and vulnerable. Jeno would leave her be, except she can’t imagine that the position she’s in is any good for her neck. She lightly taps her on the cheek to wake her. “Donghyuck?”

The other girl sits up with a jolt. “I’m awake, I swear.” 

Jeno laughs at her. “It’s okay. Do you just want to go to bed?”

“Are you sure? I feel really bad.”

“Yeah I’m sure. Get some sleep, okay?” Jeno says. She goes to turn off the laptop, but Donghyuck stops her by trapping her in a hug and smashing their cheeks together. “You’re so sweet to me, Jeno. What will I do?” she murmurs, and Jeno can't decide if she wants to roll her eyes and push her away or hold her closer. She settles for a mix of the two, calling Donghyuck corny while she keeps one arm around her waist.

“I mean it.” Donghyuck says. She’s a little pink in the face when she goes, “Do you think we can just cuddle or something?”

“Whatever you want, princess.” Jeno sighs, and Donghyuck frowns even as they settle into bed properly. “I don't really like that one. Baby was better.” Jeno doesn't even know what to say to that, so she keeps quiet as she draws the blankets over them. It’s a little earlier than she would normally go to bed, but she feels bad leaving Donghyuck on her own, so she just lets the other girl settle in behind her, cuddling up to her back. 

“Thank you.” Donghyuck says quietly, though Jeno doesn't know what she’s being thanked for.

“I think I should be thanking you.” Jeno says.

“For what? Hogging your bed? Or blue balling you?”

“You’re not doing either of those things. You realize we can just hang out without anything else, right? Like friends do?”

It’s Donghyuck who stays quiet this time.

“I was saying thank you for being my fake girlfriend.” Jeno continues. “I never thought I’d just get to…have this. With my parents knowing and all, so thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me.” Donghyuck murmurs. “You're a good girlfriend. And I wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t…” 

“If you didn't…what?” Jeno asks. She's met with more silence. “Hyuck?” Jeno turns in her arms to look at her, but Donghyuck is already fast asleep. 

\\

Jeno used to say a total of five words a day when she was in high school. It’s not a totally accurate number, but the point is she’d been so quiet that whenever she’d been put in groups for projects her classmates would snarkily joke about never having heard her voice before. It was infuriating on a good day, but even then she’d been too shy to do anything but smile and think about murder. She’d been incredibly lonely, feeling out of place in white suburbia, but when Jaemin had transferred in the middle of her sophomore year it felt like the universe had left a gift just for her. Jaemin was weird. And a little mean. But she was kind to those who deserved it , and she made it easier for Jeno to exist. That was the only way she could think about it, back then. Now, Jeno can't think of her as anything other than her soulmate.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and Donghyuck dated?” Jeno says. They’re sitting by the window in one of the busiest cafes on campus, and there’s enough muted chatter and quiet shuffling of papers that Jeno feels comfortable talking.

Jaemin barely glances up from her chemistry notes. 

“Didn’t seem that relevant.” she says. Jeno levels her a look. 

“Jaem.”

Jaemin sighs and stops writing. “It’s not a super riveting story. We met during orientation week. We hit it off. Found out we both liked girls. We dated for like, a week, and then we broke up. Life goes on.”

“Jaemin. You’re my best friend. I know everything about you, down to that weird birthmark on your—”

“Hey? Watch it.”

“What I’m saying is. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me? Especially when Donghyuck and I have been…you know. What did she do to make you hate her so much?”

“I don’t actually hate Donghyuck. It’s just how we operate.” Jaemin shrugs. “She’s not a bad friend, either. She’s just bad at handling other people's feelings.” She pauses. “And hers.”

“What does that even mean?

“Do you want to know the reason why we broke up?”

Jeno crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in her seat. “That’s literally why I asked…”

“She said that I made her too happy. And she didn’t like it. She said we were better off as friends, and that commiting would make things boring anyway. Those were her words exactly.”

A little too melodramatic for eighteen, Jeno thinks. And is there ever such a thing as being too happy?

“What did you say?”

“Nothing nice.” Jaemin smiles. Donghyuck might've been right. It really is like Jaemin finds her own bitchiness amusing sometimes. “I was crushed. But like I said, life goes on. And we’re all friends now anyway, so it works out, right?”

“I think I really…I think I might love her.” Jeno says quietly. The thought alone is enough to make her heart race. It’s a heavier thing to say. Jaemin doesn’t look surprised. 

“I was wondering when you’d realize. You always talk about her like she hung the sun in the sky.”

“I do not!”

“You have her saved in your phone as sunshine. You’ve been exclusively fucking her for months. What happened to subtlety? To not being down horrendously?”

“You’re so mean.” Jeno whines. She hadn't thought about the exclusive aspect of their relationship at all. Donghyuck hasn't even mentioned sleeping with anybody else since they first started. 

“It’s okay. I feel the same way about Renjun, so I can’t make fun of you, unfortunately.” She twirls her pen around in between her fingers, her nail polish a chipped serpentine green. “That doesn’t mean I’m not worried for you.”

“You think she’s going to break my heart.” Jeno realizes. 

“It won’t be on purpose, at least.” Jaemin says, as brutally honest as ever. Jeno remembers and feels a strong sense of protectiveness trickle down the back of her throat.

“None of us are the same people we were freshman year. And Donghyuck and I are—I don’t know. I want to ask her out properly. I think she really does like me.”

“I don't doubt that she does, angel. I’m just saying to be careful, that’s all.”

“So I have your blessing?”

Jaemin smiles and shakes her head, the sunlight filtering in perfectly over the blonde strands on her head. “Yes. You have my blessing, you sap.”

//

jenjen 

are you free tmrw?

sunshine

yass

only after four thog 

though*

whats up?

jenjen

just wanted to see you

maybe we can grab food or something 

or visit the arcade :0

if u want

sunshine

aww 

miss me already?

jenjen

i always miss you

She watches Donghyuck type for a long time, and the already present panic inside of her takes the wheel before the other girl can even reply. 

jenjen

doesn’t have to be special 

we can just hang out!

no pressure lol

haha 

😅

sunshine

ohhh

okay

can i bring chenle?

“I’m telling you if you want it to be a date you should just say that,” Renjun says. “Clarity is important.” She’s perched on the couch reading Jeno’s texts over her shoulder, a habit she swears she picked up from Jaemin. Jeno doesn't mind. She needs moral support right now.

“I tried! But then she was taking a long time to respond so I thought maybe she wasn’t into it like that you know? And then she said she wanted to bring Chenle and I was like, okay. What do I say to that?”

“You’re giving me a headache.” Renjun pouts. “Why don’t you just double down on it?”

“I don’t know! Can you just tell Chenle to tell Donghyuck she can’t come?”

“What? You’re making this more difficult than it needs to be. Just text her back and clarify that you want it to be a date. It’s 2022. I can’t stand by and watch you perpetuate the useless lesbian stereotype.”

jenjen

actually

is it okay if it’s just the two of us?

sunshine

lol yeah

like a date?

“I can't do this.” Jeno says out loud. 

“Yes you can! Jaem, talk to her.”

Jaemin looks up from where she’s poking at a large pot of ramen in the kitchen. They don't usually meet up at her place because her roommates are almost always home, but today the house is quiet save for the horror movie Jeno and Renjun were supposed to be watching. 

“I think you’ve forgotten that when you asked me out and I literally thought we were still just friends for two whole months.” Jaemin says. She raises a peace sign to get the point across. “Two.”

“Okay, that was funny.” Jeno says.

“Less talking, more typing.” Renjun says.

jenjen

yes 

like a date

sunshine

okay <3

U better blow my mind jenoly

//

“I’m just saying I don’t think fruit should be hot, that’s all.” Jeno says.

“And I’m saying that you’re dead wrong. You’ve clearly never had a good pineapple pizza.” 

“I love pineapples, and I love pizza, I just don’t think they should mix. It’s not natural, Donghyuck.”

“You’re still wrong, and I feel bad for you, I really do.” Donghyuck shrugs. 

“Saying that multiple times doesn’t make it true, you asshole.” Jeno laughs. 

They’re walking close enough that their knuckles keep brushing. The date technically should’ve ended two hours ago, but after they’d eaten Donghyuck had wheedled Jeno into paying for vegan ice cream, and now they’re walking along the river, their hands brushing often enough that Jeno just wants to reach out and twine their fingers together. She wants to ask Donghyuck to be her girlfriend. She wants…a lot of things. “You had fun though, right?”

“I always have fun with you.” Donghyuck says, all too easily. She takes Jeno’s hand in hers. “So? What now? Any exciting plans for the rest of the night?”

“I really didn't think this far ahead.” Jeno says. “We could go back to my place and watch Netflix maybe?”

“Ah. I should’ve known you had ulterior motives. Do you only like me for my body, Jeno Lee?”

“I don’t—Oh my god. I wasn't trying to imply anything.”

“I’m kidding. I’d love to go home with you.” They come to a stop at a lamppost, hands still linked, and Donghyuck’s shimmery brown eyeshadow looks so pretty in the soft light of the evening. She looks so pretty. Jeno doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of thinking that. Donghyuck steps closer, sliding one of her hands into Jeno’s back pocket. “You know, I can only think of one good way to end the night.” she says. 

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Jeno says. She already knows, though. Donghyuck isn’t looking anywhere but her lips. She leans in, painfully slowly, and Jeno is about to let her eyes flutter shut when a lady rides by them on her bike. It’s only brought to her attention because the woman rings the little bell on her bike as she passes them by. 

“You girls look like such good friends!” she yells. 

Donghyuck and Jeno look at each other, Donghyuck’s hand still in Jeno’s back pocket, and they laugh. 

\\

They don't really make it as far as the movie.

Donghyuck doesn’t even let Jeno get the lights when they walk in, only allowing her to lock the front door before grasping for her wrist and pulling her flush to her body in a desperate kiss. The apartment is dark save for the silvery moonlight filtering in from the living room window, and that’s the only way they fall onto the sofa without breaking any toes. Donghyuck pushes Jeno’s jacket off her shoulders and licks wantonly into her mouth all in one smooth movement. 

Jeno kisses her back and runs her hands down her shoulders, over the smooth sliver of skin under her crop top, squeezing at the soft, pliant skin. When Jeno leans up on her elbows to find Donghyuck’s eyes she can't think anything but beautiful. Donghyuck’s plump lips are already slick and puffy from kissing, always so sensitive. Jeno reaches a hand up to clean the mess she’s made of Donghyuck’s mouth, and the other girl purses her lips to kiss the digit. 

“How do you want to do this?” Jeno asks. 

“I want,” Donghyuck swallows, and her hand reaches up to cup Jeno’s face, tucking her hair behind her ears. The look on her face is unrecognizable, and Jeno searches for the emotion in the dark sparkle of her eyes but can’t read it. “I just want you.” she whispers. She slides her gaze down to Jeno’s lips, lightly tracing her fingers over her shoulder, down her bare arm, leaving goosebumps in her wake. “Wanna take it slow. Can you do that for me, Jen? Can you fuck me like you mean it?” 

I always mean it? Jeno wants to say, but her voice escapes her, and Donghyuck pulls her down to kiss her anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. Nothing matters except this, the shape of Donghyuck’s body beneath her own. 

Donghyuck’s hands are everywhere, running under Jeno’s top and over her abs, the tips of her fingers finding home under the band of Jeno’s sports bra. Jeno pulls off to peel Donghyuck’s cropped sweater off, so that Donghyuck is lying underneath her in just her mom jeans and a lavender bralette. Jeno is overwhelmed by the miles of perpetually sunkissed skin, unsure of where to begin. Take it slow, Donghyuck had said. Jeno can do that. “Bed?” she prompts, and Donghyuck sits up without saying anything else. 

They make it to the bedroom by some miracle, and this time Jeno turns the lights on before she and Donghyuck fall against the mattress. 

Jeno tilts her chin up to kiss her again, softer, more intentional. She drops kisses down the moles on her chest, over to where her heart is racing, and pulls back just enough to hook her thumb under the lacy material and rid her of it. Again, Jeno is enamored by how perfect her tits are, full and round and soft when she drags her mouth over them. She takes a tawny nipple into her mouth, humming when it makes Donghyuck sigh and pull her closer, her head thudding quietly on the pillows.

“Jeno,” she sighs, “Oh my fucking god—”

Jeno takes her time suckling at the sensitive nubs, lightly dragging her teeth over each just to watch Donghyuck shiver. When she finally pushes her thigh between the other girl’s legs, she finds that Donghyuck is already soaked through her panties, the silk damp enough that it’s probably uncomfortable. It’s a matching set, which lets Jeno know that she’d anticipated this from the start. Donghyuck lets out a shaky breath as Jeno pulls the ruined fabric to the side and slips a finger inside of her, meeting absolutely no resistance. She fingers her shallowly, and Donghyuck squirms like even that much is maddening.

“Shit, Hyuck. You’re so wet. Were you waiting for this?”

“Yeah, Jen. Do you even know me?” Donghyuck laughs, and she spreads her legs so Jeno can finally get her completely bare. She’s so wet that the slick drips down her thighs, soiling the cotton sheets. Jeno can’t help but lean down and clean her up with her tongue, pressing tender kisses everywhere she can reach. Donghyuck fumbles for her hand on the bed and slots their fingers together while she grinds down on her nose. Jeno likes eating her out too much to resist, so she makes Donghyuck come like that, licking and sucking at the warmth between her legs until she’s trembling, her thighs caging Jeno’s head in to keep her there. Jeno would gladly pass away like this.

“Fuck,” Donghyuck gasps. “Forget everyth-thing else. I need you inside me now, please.”

“What happened to taking it slow, hm?” Jeno asks. She presses a kiss to Donghyuck’s inner thigh, bites softly at the supple skin. Donghyuck still won’t let go of her hand. “Want you to fuck me, remember? Want your cock, baby.” Donghyuck says, and who is Jeno to say no to that?

It takes too long to dig the glittery purple dildo out of the bag in her closet, and when she turns back Donghyuck has already propped her hips up on a pillow, always overeager. Jeno is so turned on she could cry.

Jeno crawls on top of her to slot their lips together again. Donghyuck moans into the kiss, sucking her essence off Jeno’s tongue while gently grinding down on Jeno’s bare thigh. Jeno lets her have that for a few moments, before kneeing her legs apart so she can position herself right over her core. She rubs the head of the dildo over her pussy before she presses inside, and the sound that Donghyuck makes is otherworldly, perfect.

Despite their desperation, it’s still achingly slow.

Jeno rolls her hips up in slow, deep thrusts and Donghyuck takes every inch, moaning softly into her mouth and grabbing at the harness on the strap as if to push her deeper. They’re pressed so tightly together that Jeno’s nipples drag easily over Donghyuck’s, and everything boils down to a hot, slick sensation. Donghyuck is already a mess, always faster to come the second time. Her nails drag messily down Jeno’s back, and even when she bites down on her now cherry red lips it doesn't stop her high pitched whines from coming through, a gentle uh, uh, uh that’s so unrealistically lewd Jeno thinks she might be making it up. Jeno looks into her eyes as she pistons her up the bed, and Donghyuck looks right back at her, her hands slung over Jeno’s shoulders, her dark brown eyes full of a million things she’ll never say out loud. 

\\

The next morning Jeno wakes up with hair in her mouth that’s not hers. She blinks groggily, bringing a hand up brush at the fibers snaking their way onto her tongue. Donghyuck’s hair tastes like the tropical deep conditioner she likes so much, and even when Jeno shifts so she’s not stuck to her chest anymore Donghyuck is still dead to the world, the lump of blankets she’s under rising and falling with every slow breath. Her lips are slightly parted, and her skin is all glowy, beautiful and unaware. The only thing marring the picture of innocence are the bruises on her neck, all in the shape of Jeno’s mouth. 

It’s a task to stop staring, and it’s one that’s only accomplished because Jeno can so clearly hear Donghyuck calling her a creep-weirdo in her head. She directs her gaze to the ceiling. Last night had been…different. Her ears feel hot when she remembers how insatiable they’d both been, the slow passionate kisses, the look in Donghyuck’s eyes when she’d asked Jeno to make love to her.

“What the fuck.” Jeno whispers, to nobody in particular. Her heart twists in her chest. If she was in denial before, then there’s a sort of acceptance that comes with these events. Jeno is in love with Donghyuck Lee, and Donghyuck must know. There was no room to hide yesterday. 

She swallows down her nerves and throws the covers off her naked body, trying to be as quiet as possible when she fishes some clothes off the floor and tiptoes out of her own bedroom. 

She channels her anxiety into making breakfast, opening the fridge to scrounge around for waffle ingredients. She finds a small container of blueberries left over, and is completely resigned to the rush of dopamine she gets when she remembers they’re Donghyuck’s favorite. Jeno then busies herself with cooking, and is so immersed in it that she startles a little when Donghyuck comes up behind her and wraps her hands around her middle, tilting her head up to kiss the baby hairs resting on her nape.

“Did I wake you up?” Jeno asks. 

Jeno feels Donghyuck shake her head no. “Smells good, though.” she hums. It’s obvious that she’s still drowsy, too quiet even though it's closer to noon now. She keeps sticking to Jeno as she maneuvers around the kitchen to get a pair of plates and utensils out, and Jeno quite honestly does not have the heart to ask her to let go. 

“What are you being so clingy for?” Jeno laughs, and Donghyuck only buries her face between Jeno’s shoulder blades and hugs her tighter. “Can I hug my girlfriend in peace?” she says, and it shuts Jeno up immediately. It feels backwards to be flustered now after everything that they’ve been doing, but Jeno has been hit with the new certainty that she’s in love with her, and she tells herself that makes it all the more nerve wracking. 

They eat, and they talk, skillfully skirting around the events of the night prior. Donghyuck keeps her ankle hooked around Jeno’s under the table, laughs at her when she gets whipped cream all over the side of her mouth, and asks to borrow a change of clothes after they shower together. Jeno starts to forget what she was so worried about in the first place. 

As Donghyuck is about to leave, she turns around like she’s forgotten something, and Jeno is about to ask her about it before the other girl is walking towards her with a frighteningly focused look on her face. She doesn’t say a word before grabbing Jeno's face to kiss her on the mouth, soft and chaste. “Why'd you do that?” Jeno whispers. Donghyuck doesn’t let go of her cheeks, her eyes searching Jeno’s face like she’ll find the answer there. “I don’t know.” she says, just as soft. “Felt weird leaving without kissing you goodbye.” 

Jeno leans in to kiss her again, and she tastes like blueberries and slow lazy mornings and the beginning of something softer but just as sweet. “I’ll be late for class.” Donghyuck murmurs in between kisses. “You should go then.” Jeno says back. “Just…” Donghyuck starts, but it’s lost somewhere between the meeting of their lips. When they finally pull apart, it’s because Donghyuck closes her eyes and holds Jeno at arm's length, hands on her shoulders. “I’m leaving for real now.” she says. 

“Okay.”

“I’m going. Seriously.”

“Okay, Donghyuck.” Jeno laughs. She takes Donghyuck’s hands in hers and laces their fingers together. “Will I see you at the game tomorrow?” 

“Wouldn’t miss it.” Donghyuck says. 

//

Tonight’s game is a big one against their university’s main rivals. If they win this, then it’s only another step towards division finals. There’s a lot of pressure that comes with it, especially as captain, and Jeno is on edge all day until it happens. The stands are more packed than they usually are for women's volleyball, but Jeno spots Donghyuck when she looks hard enough, sitting next to Renjun on the bleachers. There’s a massive poster in between them with a super extravagant Go Team! on it in Renjun’s fingerprint calligraphy style. They’re not looking at the court when Jeno sees them. Instead, they’re deeply engrossed in conversation, and Donghyuck has an almost troubled look on her face. 

Jeno doesn’t have time to analyze it though, because it’s time for the first set to begin. 

//

“You were so good!” Donghyuck says. Jeno whips around at the sound of her voice, beaming when she sees Donghyuck making her way through the crowd of people on the gym floor. Despite the win, the game had been ridiculously close. Jeno is fatigued and sweaty but she really can’t stop smiling when Donghyuck finally reaches her. 

Jeno cocks her head. “Are you sure you weren’t just looking at my ass in the spandex?”

“No.” Donghyuck scoffs, like she hasn’t admitted to doing that before. “I’m being serious. Seriously. Renjun talked me through all the logistics this time. You looked pretty cool out here.” She reaches into her bag to grab something, and gingerly emerges with a small bouquet of sunflowers. “For you.” she says, and Jeno takes it and holds the craft paper reverently. 

She leans forward to kiss Donghyuck’s cheeks in thanks, like she does with all her friends, but the other girl shies away just in time. There’s an awkward silence as a couple of people shuffle out beside them. “Sorry. I just—Can we talk?” Donghyuck asks. 

“We’re talking right now.”

“Alone? Maybe by the locker rooms?”

The locker rooms are a good choice, since most of Jeno’s teammates are still on the court, undoubtedly making plans for a celebratory dinner. She and Donghyuck disappear there, but not before Jeno catches Jaemin’s eye, their communication almost telepathic. Jaemin has one of her arms around Renjun, but she uses the other one to give Jeno a thumbs up in solidarity, though Jeno is less and less sure that what Donghyuck wants to talk about is anything good. 

Jeno sits down on one of the benches, but Donghyuck keeps standing, leaning against the lockers with a carefully blank look on her face. 

“You’re being weird, Donghyuck. Is everything okay?”

The slate shatters as soon as Jeno can ask the question, and now Donghyuck just appears guilty, twisting the ring on her pointer finger so quickly it looks like it hurts. “I’m just going to say it. I think we should stop hooking up.”

“What?” 

“You don’t have to tell your parents we broke up if you don’t want to—but I just think…that we should stop.”

Jeno feels like she’s been smacked across the face. What could have changed so drastically between the Donghyuck of yesterday and the one standing in front of her now?

“Did I do something? Say something?”

“No! It’s not you, it’s me.” Donghyuck says softly, “I know it sounds like a line but I really couldn’t think of a better way to say it, I’m sorry. You really didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Okay.”

“I still want to stay friends, Jeno. I—We can still be friends.”

“Okay.” Jeno repeats, because there’s nothing else she can think to say. Her heart is beating in her ears in the most contradictory way. She wishes Donghyuck would stop twisting her ring like that. She wishes she understood. “You should probably go now unless you want to get caught up with the rest of the team.”

Donghyuck exhales, but her body doesn’t lose any tension. The skin around her ring is bright red. “Right. Congrats again on your win.”

After Donghyuck leaves, Jeno changes out of her uniform on autopilot. She shoves the bouquet of sunflowers in her locker before her teammates trickle in, arguing about places to eat even though they always end up going to the same spot each time. Jaemin looks at her like she knows something is off, but she doesn’t ask until they’re all cleaned up and sandwiched on either side of the massive squishmallow in the back of someone’s car. Jeno would be laughing if she wasn’t so gloomy. Can Jisung even go in reverse with this thing in the window?

 “Hey,” Jaemin starts, and Jeno can feel her gaze burning into the side of her face. “I meant to ask you this earlier, but what did Donghyuck want?”

“I don't really want to talk about it, sorry.” Jeno says quietly. It’s stupid, stupid, stupid, because she technically hasn’t lost anything tonight. She hadn't even gotten the chance to embarrass herself by asking Donghyuck to be her girlfriend, Donghyuck had insisted on being friends, and she’d just captained the hardest game of her life and won. There's absolutely nothing to be upset about. 

“Angel. You’re crying.” Jaemin says, and Jeno is not, but when she scrubs the back of her hand over her face it comes away wet. 

“Don’t say I told you so.” Jeno sniffs. “I won’t be able to handle it.” Jaemin doesn’t, but she does reach over the stuffed doll to pull Jeno into a hug, and it only makes her cry properly. It’s an awkward angle, but she buries her face into Jaemin’s familiar jean jacket and lets herself be held. “I wasn’t going to say that,” Jaemin says softly. She brushes Jeno’s bangs back, fingertips cool on her forehead. “I was going to talk about how you should need a permit to own a Squishmallow this big.”

Jeno knows Jaemin is only trying to make her laugh, but her chest still hurts.

//

All in all, things aren’t that different. The semester and the volleyball season are moving at breakneck speeds, so it means Jeno is too preoccupied with extra morning practices on top of projects and quizzes to even think about a certain pink haired girl. Despite Donghyuck’s insistence upon staying friends, she hasn’t contacted Jeno since the game, and Jeno is too afraid to initiate anything. It feels like the worst breakup possible, except they hadn’t really been dating, and Jeno has nothing else to compare it to. 

“You’re both miserable,” Jaemin points out. “That’s not how these things are supposed to go. I don't understand why you don’t just talk to each other. In person.”

“You said it yourself, this was inevitable. What do you want me to do about that?” Jeno grouches. 

“Anything but this,” Renjun says, clearly frustrated. “I came over here to get away from Donghyuck’s moping, and now you’re doing it too.”

“I’m not moping. I don’t mope. And nobody invited—”

“I checked our Spotify account and it looks like you’ve been listening to Falling by Harry Styles for three hours straight. Before that it was just Mitski. Did you even try to be happy today?” Jaemin says. 

“I am happy! I am so happy.” Jeno says. She sits up on the couch to place an emphatic hand on her chest. “I wasn't even thinking about Hyuck until you brought her up, honestly.”

“Are we supposed to pretend we believe you, or?” Jaemin asks.

Jeno flops back down on the cushions so she doesnt have to look at her face. “Can you please just go somewhere else?”

“No.” Jaemin says. She and Renjun have been camped out at Jeno’s apartment all day, insisting that she needed an intervention of some sort. They’d given up on trying to get her to go outside, and have now set up camp in her living room with board games and takeout. Jeno doesn’t understand why they don’t just hit up museums and restaurants like a normal couple. What kind of date entails loitering at the home of a heartbroken friend?

“If you hate us so much, then leave.” Jaemin huffs. 

“But I live here?!”

Both girls ignore her, hyper focused on the puzzle in front of them. Renjun holds up the box lid and points to a random spot. “Do you have any pieces on your side that look like this? I don’t get it.”

\\

Upon further examination, the only downside to Jeno and Donghyuck being broken up is that Jeno is running out of excuses as to why she can’t bring Donghyuck home over winter break. As soon as Donghyuck had hinted at having a bad relationship with her parents, Jeno’s mom had decided that she would be stepping into the position. She’s already planned out the annual cabin retreat, and Jeno is steadily ignoring her texts about it when a new name pops up in her notification bar. 

jaeminnie 

hey r u busy🥺🥺🥺🥺

jenolee

kind of lol i’m procrastinating rn

why

jaeminnie

i need someone 

to walk back from the soc library with me

junnie abandoned me😖😖😖

pls

come swoop

i’ll love u 4eva

jenolee

you already love me

jaeminnie 

i will love U MORE💝💘💖💗💓👩❤️💋👩

jenolee

ur lucky i’m close -_-

jenolee

i'm outside 

where are you

Read 5:03pm

hello? are you coming

or should i go in

Read 5:05pm

BITCH???

DID U DIE

JAEMIN. 

Read 5:14pm

“Jeno?”

Jeno looks up at the sound of her name, almost blanking in disbelief when she sees that it’s Donghyuck standing by the library doors. It’s strange to see her after two solid weeks of no contact. She’s practically drowning in the gray university hoodie she’s wearing, and Jeno belatedly realizes that it's hers. Donghyuck’s signature long skirts have been swapped for yogurt stained sweats to accommodate the growing winter chill. She looks…tired. Burnt out. Jeno hates the way her stomach still does a somersault when she sees her. 

“What are you doing on this side of campus?” Donghyuck asks, her eyes wide behind her reading glasses. 

“Am I not allowed near the social sciences building?” Jeno jokes. 

“No, I—That’s not what I meant.” Donghyuck awkwardly hikes her tote bag up one shoulder, and Jeno gets immediately that she’s nervous. The guilt almost knocks Jeno over. Pathetic, Jaemin would say.

“I’m sorry,” Jeno says, and she can practically feel Jaemin rolling her eyes at her, wherever she is. “Jaemin said she didn’t want to walk home alone so she asked me to meet her here.”

“Renjun said the same thing.”

“Oh. They tricked us.” Jeno says. Quite intelligently, she might add. 

Donghyuck walks closer to her, and Jeno has to physically stop herself from turning and running. 

“I missed you.” Donghyuck says finally. 

“Wouldn’t be able to tell. You didn’t text or anything.”

“I thought a lot about you though.” Donghyuck says, treating the statement as a cushion. ”Did you miss me?” She looks up at Jeno, expectant. It’s terrible of her to ask this after so much time, when Jeno used to tell her she missed her after mere hours apart. She has to know. 

Jeno tightens her grip on her backpack straps to stop herself from reaching out to her. “Listen, I have a quiz due at midnight that I haven’t studied for, so I’ll just go.” she says, she turns around to leave, but Donghyuck grabs her arm. 

“Wait. I’m being honest, Jeno. You’re—You’re all I’ve thought about for weeks. Renjun and Chenle threatened to kill me if I didn't shut up about you but I just couldn’t bring myself to call. I didn't know if you’d want me to.”

Jeno turns around to face her again, but Donghyuck doesn’t let go of her, fingers anchored in the chenille of Jeno’s sweater.

“You’re the one who ghosted me, Hyuck. Not the other way around.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think it would hurt you as much as it did.” she says. 

Jeno relaxes a little. “I wasn’t hurt. Just confused.” she says. 

Donghyuck’s expression morphs into disbelief. “Jaemin said you were listening to Mitski. You don’t even like her!”

“Her discography grew on me!” Jeno squawks, and it makes Donghyuck laugh, chopped up and giddy. God, Jeno really missed her so much. 

“Why’d you do it, Donghyuck?” she asks. “Why'd you disappear on me?”

“I was tired of pretending.” Donghyuck says. She lets her hand drop, choosing instead to wrap her arms around herself. “I wanted us to be real, but I didn’t think I deserved it, so I left.”

“Donghyuck, what are you even—”

“I think I'm in love with you, Jeno Lee. I know I am, but also I’m a chronic relationship saboteur. Jaemin wasn’t wrong about that.”

Jeno scoffs in disbelief. “What does Jaemin have to do with anything? With us?”

“Nothing? Everything? It’s not just her. It’s literally everyone I’ve been with in between. She was the only one who ever called me out on it.”

Jeno doesn’t say anything. Can’t. 

“I freaked out because I finally figured out that I was in love with you, and I tried to distance myself because I always mess good things up somehow. It doesn’t make sense when I say it out loud but it’s true. I love you, and I panicked. That’s it.”

Jeno cups her face and kisses her.

It’s simpler than anything she could’ve said, and Donghyuck only tenses up for a flash of a second before melting against her, her lips as soft and plush as ever. When Jeno pulls back to look at her, her heart is racing, but Donghyuck’s face is hot underneath her palms, so it feels the same. 

“Why would you…?” Donghyuck starts. 

“I love you too. So stop being dumb and go out with me, already.” Jeno says. 

“But I’m telling you, you don’t actually want to do that.” Donghyuck responds. 

“Yes I do?”

“You don’t.” Donghyuck wails. “I’m bossy and I snore and I’m a really picky eater and I hate working out and I have no idea how to be in a relationship. I’d be the worst girlfriend ever.”

Jeno doesn’t point out that they’ve kind of been doing that this entire time, because Donghyuck says these things like she’s convinced of them, and that’s a conversation they can save for another day. For now, Jeno says the thing that comes easiest to her. 

“I don’t care. I love you. No conditions attached, okay?”

“But are you sure?”

“Yes. Be my girlfriend, Donghyuck Lee. Officially and forever, if you want.”

“Jeno…” 

“Yes?”

“Please kiss me again.” Donghyuck whispers, and so, with the sunset rapidly fading behind them, Jeno leans down and does just that.