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For the first time in as long as she could remember, Beth woke up without having had a single dream. She wondered if it was a good sign, but chose not to analyze it. There was no need for it; this world no longer had room for analyzing silly things such as dreams. She laid there silently on the cold forest ground and waited. It was still dark, no one was awake yet, and no one would be dolling out instructions or discussing the day’s plans. At least not for a few more hours. She closed her eyes and silently cheered, enjoying the few moments of peace and quiet while she still had them.
It had been a rough few days out in the road, and the group was tired. Their moments seemed to be filled with nothing but anger, fear, despair, and hopelessness. But then again, that was how it’d been for a while, so there was no sense in dwelling in it. Might as well accept it and learn to like it.
She rolled to her back and immediately felt a pressure in her bladder. ‘So that’s what woke me up’ she groaned to herself. Beth thought about waking up her sister but immediately stopped. She was finally showing them how tough she was, just feeling the confidence in herself. Surely she was capable of going to relieve herself on her own.
As quietly as she could, she rolled out of her sleeping bag and stood, thinking about which direction she needed to go.
“You okay, Beth?”
The voice startled her, causing her to throw her hands to her mouth. “Rick! Gosh, you scared me.” She turned to look at his figure sitting under a tree, a look of concern in his eyes. She smiled at him and began walking towards him, completely forgetting the reason she had woken up.
She should have known he’d be awake. Did Rick ever sleep? Or maybe he’d just been enjoying the peaceful quiet too, relishing in the calm before the storm just as she had been doing. But if he was disturbed by her presence, he made no show of it. In fact, when Beth eased her tired body down next to his and leaned against the tree trunk, she was positive she heard Rick let out a breathy sigh, quite possibly happy to be distracted from whatever thoughts were plaguing him.
“How you holdin’ up?”
His question was spoken at barely a whisper, and Beth knew he was trying to be considerate of their sleeping family. But that was Rick. Always putting the needs of his family before anything else. And she considered her answer before speaking, her eyes scanning the forest floor, taking note of each and every person there that was fast asleep. Maybe she was tired and hungry, but knowing they were all together definitely eased the pain of everything else.
Instead of replying, she stole a glance over at him, taking in all the details that the full moon’s light would allow. From his bushy beard, to the tight brown shirt Beth knew was stained in walker blood, all the way down to the his trusty cowboy boots that had seen better days. Rick just look tired. They all did though. But when was the last time anyone had stopped to ask this man how he was doing?
“How are you holding up?” Beth finally asked, meeting his gaze when he turned to look at her.
A look of surprise flickered in his eyes and Rick had just opened his mouth to answer her when a twig snapped nearby, so quiet they barely even heard it. Before Beth could even gasp, Rick had stood up, and had his gun out and aimed at the tree the noise was coming from. Beth felt a bit inept compared to him as she fumbled for her own gun, but then again Rick had years of training and experience, of course he was better than her at this.
“Beth, behind me.” He murmured, not taking his eyes off the tree. Beth did not move, her own gun raised. Rick exhaled, but let it pass. They waited in silence for what seemed like forever. They didn’t want to attack and wake the others if it was only a rabbit. And sure enough, it was. A baby one at that. Rick immediately switched his aim from the tree to the baby animal. Just as he was about to pull the trigger he felt Beth’s hand on his.
“Don’t,” she whispered. “It’s not nearly enough to feed us all,” her voice wavered. “It’s just a baby.”
Turning to look at her, Rick saw the pleading in her pale blue eyes. Sighing, he lowered the gun, shaking his head.
“You’re right, it’s not enough to feed us.” He smiled weakly at her, and looked up. The sun was only just beginning to rise. He started toward a nearby trail.
“Where are you going?” Beth asked. The others would probably wake up soon and panic when they were gone.
“Just around the corner. I, uh, I’d quite like t’see the sunrise,” he was quiet for a second. “Looks pretty beautiful today.”
He looked right at Beth when he said that. She was sure she was just imagining things, but for some reason she still felt her heart begin to race.
“C’mon,” he nodded in the direction toward the trail. “Walk with me.”
Beth followed a step behind Rick for a moment before lengthening her stride to match his own and walk next to him. Why should she continue to act the part of a follower when she had been fighting so hard to prove to herself and the rest of her raggle-taggle family that she’s capable of protecting herself, that she isn’t a scared little girl anymore. She was so much more. She had survived so much, grown more than even she could really put into words. So, she walked next to the leader of her group proudly, holding her head up high as she kept her ears listening for any sign of walkers or other humans, but her eyes, as much as she tried to keep them looking forward and to the sides of herself, kept landing on the older man next to her, watching him from her peripheral.
Rick came to a sudden stop and put his hand out for Beth to stop too, except she didn’t realize right away what he was signaling and his hand rested on her flat belly for a moment. She felt tingles from the top of her head, down her spine and to the tips of her toes, like little fireworks in her nerve endings. She’d never felt something like that before. She felt a blush beginning to form and she shook it away as quickly as she could. Rick was quick to pull his hand away from her belly and pointed towards the sky. “Look, Beth.”
She forgot about the way she was feeling the instant she looked into the sky and saw the dark blues and blacks turning into softer, brighter, warmer colors. The stars faded one by one. She was enamored by the sights in the sky she barely felt strong fingers curling in between her own. She’d seen a dozen sunrises in her life, but none had ever been as beautiful as the one she saw currently. The hand holding her own was squeezing gently and she turned her face away from the natural beauty to the man next to her. In an instant she realized that the sunrise that she was witnessing wouldn’t have been as beautiful if it weren’t for him being there with her, showing her that there is still something beautiful in this world.
There were some things that were still beautiful, Rick thought. The stillness of the world at the touch of dawn was one. It was one of the things that made him still his movements and breath. His daughter was another, soft and bright-eyed in a world left to the dead. And Beth? She was…well, she was another beautiful thing.
She was the cause of his sleeplessness, although he wouldn’t outright say it to himself. He had grown cautious of losing himself too much to the daydreams. A hard thing to do as time on the road wore on. They were all so close, physically and mentally. Each person sewn to the other until an unseen web joined them all into something that couldn’t be torn apart, broken. But with her, the threads were especially taut.
He hadn’t sought out an excuse, that morning, to touch her.
Rick didn’t even give his actions a second thought as his hand slipped into hers, griping it gently. It all felt so….natural. That was the word his head settled on. Being here with Beth, like this, watching the sunrise felt as natural as breathing.
The moment Beth tightened her fingers around his, he knew she felt the same as he did or something close to it. And when she turned to look at him, his heart beat quickened and his breath caught in his throat. Her big blue eyes staring up at him drew him in like a moth to a flame.
He had no control over his body as he felt himself leaning in closer to hers and as his chapped lips lightly touched Beth’s softer ones, that’s when he lost it all. From that moment on, whether she knew it or not, Rick was hers. He’d protect her with his life, not that she couldn’t protect herself, but he never wanted to lose her. He didn’t want to think about losing her or having to go on another day in this world without the most beautiful sunrise he’d ever seen by his side.
Beth was giddy with an unnatural energy. The rest of the group was lethargic and grumpy, they were low on food and morale, and out of water. And the sweltering heat wasn’t helping either. Everyone was miserable, except Beth. Beth was still riding high from the kiss she shared with Rick. It had been perfect in the soft glow of the beautiful sunrise, until a handful of walkers snarled onto the scene. They had made short work of the walkers, but the moment was ruined and they quickly retreated to camp to wake up the others just in case there were more walkers. And so the group embarked on another day heading north.
Beth kept her eyes trained on Rick’s back as she walked. He was speaking quietly to Daryl while Judith squirmed in his arms. She wondered when the next time they would get a chance to be alone would be. Rick had seemed like he was going to open up to her, finally share the heavy burdens that rested upon his shoulders. Beth wanted so badly to be the one that Rick trusted to confide in. And she sure wouldn’t mind another kiss. They hadn’t talked about the moment they shared.
Beth was pulled from her musings as Rick glanced over his shoulder at her. Their eyes met and Beth’s heart skipped a beat. His worn expression melted for a brief moment as he gave her a quick but genuine smile before turning back to Daryl. Beth felt her confidence soar at the quick moment. Their encounter that morning would not be a one-time thing. She tried to hide her smile by staring at the road in front of her but Tara still caught her.
“Hey, what’s got you in such a good mood?” Tara asked in a quiet but playful tone.
Beth nearly missed Tara’s question, still lost in thoughts of Rick and all of the possibilities of what their shared kiss could lead to. Only after the brunette tapped her on the shoulder softly, her own eye squinting curiously in Beth’s direction, was she able to fully register her words.
Blushing, Beth turned away with a shrug. “I finally got a little bit of good rest last night,” she lied, hoping Tara might buy this reasoning without prying any further. Not that Beth would mind telling her about the kiss, really. She’d been smitten with the older man for as long as she could remember, her stomach always fluttering within his presence. Beth doesn’t want to risk it all now by giving away the secret of their shared kiss, not without knowing how Rick might feel about others finding out first. Or without either of them getting the chance to discuss its meaning.
Tara nodded afterwards, seemingly satisfied by Beth’s response. The twosome continued forward side by side at a slow and silent pace save for the opening of water bottles every now and again, and the quick intakes of breath as each group member continued to trek on despite the heat and their tired limbs.
Beth really wanted to tell Maggie about the kiss first, anyhow. She chanced a glance back toward her sister and her heart sped up at the sight. Glenn stood beside her, holding Maggie’s hand within his own as they walked.
She could only hope to share that type of love someday, too
But that day was probably not going to be this day. For now she decided to be okay with it. She already had more than she realized she would. A kiss. That would hold her over for a bit. As Beth smiled at the memory again, she felt the familiar pangs of hunger that were so common those days. Shaking herself from her stupor, she quickened her pace until she was even with Rick and Judy.
“Hey Rick, how about Judy and I take a small break and go find some berries for us?” They both knew she was unlikely to find something, but that never stopped her from trying.
“That’s a good idea Beth,” he said as he handed Judy over, “thank you.” His hand lingered on hers for a few seconds, squeezing it tight before he fully released the infant into her arms. Beth felt her face flush as she bent forward and kissed Judy on the forehead, her meek attempt at hiding her blush. She smiled warmly as she walked towards the trees, hearing Rick in the background tell the group it was time for a break. She didn’t wander too far away, close enough to where she could hear the group talking amongst themselves. To her surprise, she was able to locate a blueberry bush, and she cheered a silent cheer as she knelt with Judy in her arms.
It wasn’t longer than a few minutes before she heard them. Not screams or gasps from the group, but hurried whispers and silent rushed steps. She held Judy a little tighter as she stood and turned in the direction of the group, ready to run towards them before she felt Rick’s hand grab her shoulders and pull them back in the other direction.
“Walkers,” he whispered as he led them away.
Beth fell silent as they rejoined the group, which had formed a protective circle. They were more than prepared for an attack, but there was always the possibility…
The swift sound of one of Daryl’s arrows penetrating flesh sounded through the air. The snarls, growls and groans became increasingly loud, which were followed by gunshots and blades sinking into to the walkers. Beth held Judy close inside the circle, soothing her as her own heart raced until the last of the walkers were all killed, lying in a rotting, stinking heap on the ground.
“Is that it?” Glenn panted, his gun still raised.
Rick paused. '”Yeah, that’s it. Let’s get going.”
Wordlessly, the group began to move out of the area. Beth followed, but was stopped by Rick. She looked up at him. There was a little blood on his shirt and neck. Not thinking, Beth reached up and cleaned a little off his chin with her sleeve.
Rick smiled softly. “She okay?” He said, taking Judith into his arms.
“Mhm.”
“You okay?”
Beth nodded. “Yeah.”
“Okay, good.”
A silence fell between them and suddenly it was awkward.
“I, also uh, want to talk to you later. That alright?”
“Oh, yeah. Sure,” Beth smiled. She didn’t know if she should bring up the kiss now, or just wait until later?
Rick gave her a grateful look. “Thank you for looking after Judith,” he said, and then started to follow behind the rest of the group.
Rick kept Beth in his peripheral vision at all times, even when she wasn’t holding his daughter. The kiss they had shared changed things irrevocably between them. That was beyond a doubt. What he wasn’t sure of, was if it was a good thing or if it was going to end up being a colossal mistake. That’s why he wanted to talk with her later, even if it was an awkward, uncomfortable conversation. He has to know where she stands in this, if she feels the same as he does, whatever it is that he actually feels, has to know what the next step is for them, if there even is one. So many questions plagued him, kept him from focusing solely on listening for the undead and looking for a safe haven for the night.
When they finally found somewhere to camp for the night, a beat up, cramped cabin in the middle of nowhere, he counted down the moments until he could sneak Beth away to talk to her. It was easier, earlier, when he had a million things to focus on and distract himself from the way her hair curled around her face because of the Georgia humidity and lack of proper brushing, or the way she giggled at the things Tara whispered her way, or even just the way he could feel her eyes on his back throughout most of their trek that day. No, now that he was relatively not busy and wasn’t so focused on little things like staying alive, he couldn’t get his mind off of her, could barely keep his eyes off of her for more than a moment at a time.
He waited. And waited. And waited. Finally the group seemed to settle down for the evening, most everyone decided to go to sleep early on and the only people still awake were Rick, Beth, Daryl and Tyreese. Daryl and Tyreese were both on watch and Rick and Beth finding things to keep themselves busy and awake until everyone had really settled into sleep.
He caught Beth’s eye and nodded towards the door. Daryl would be walking the perimeter of the area and Tyreese was on the other side of the cabin door. Neither Daryl nor Tyreese would make any comment about Beth and Rick going off to talk, they would keep any questions to themselves. Beth nodded in understanding and gently settled a sleeping Judith into the sleeping bag on the floor next to Carl’s sleeping body before climbing over various members of her family to follow Rick out. He waited for her to get to the door before easing it open and heading outside, nodding at Ty as they passed him.
Rick could hear her boots on the gravel driveway as she followed him. He glanced behind him, checking Ty’s position near the door. He wanted to be near enough to help, yet far enough away so they wouldn’t be heard. He picked the Subaru in the drive to lean against, knowing she would do the same. As she approached, he focused his gaze on the car’s tires, long since flattened with moss beginning to grow. He saw her boots in his sights, and when he felt her weight near him, he looked at her.
“So… I wanted to make sure,” he began, shrugging his shoulders. “Make sure you want this. There ain’t…there ain’t much I can give you. I tried. I tried with Lori…” He looked down at his boots, and kicked up gravel trying to find the words he needed to clarify his thoughts, hoping she would pick up on them.
He could hear her breathe, and as much as he wanted to wait for a response from her, he couldn’t help but continue. “I tried to do right by her, but Shane…I can’t guarantee that I’ll be right for you.”
Beth smiled and placed her hand on his shoulder. “I know you tried with Lori. You did the best you could and I don’t need anythin’ from you except to know that you feel the same as I do. But, I’m sure you’re what I want. I want this.”
Rick felt his heart nearly stop when he looked into her eyes as she spoke. She had a way of showing exactly how she felt with one look. He hadn’t been blind before, he’d seen her looking at him just the way she was now and that was something he wanted more than anything.
He had tried with Lori but no amount of trying was going to make her love him like she had so many years ago. Hell, he couldn’t even make himself love her after what happened with Shane and that nearly killed him and drove him crazy after she died.
But now, here he was standing next to Beth and looking into her eyes and seeing everything he’d ever wanted there.
“Rick?” Beth asked, drawing his attention down to her lips.
“Are you sure this is what you want? Do you really want me?” he asked.
“I do,” she said, standing up on her toes and kissing his cheek.
His arms found their way around her waist and he held her close with his face buried in her neck. She sighed when she felt his lips on her skin. He placed kisses all the way from her neck, across her jaw to her lips.
“If you’re really sure about this, I’ll do everythin’ I can to make it work. I love you, Beth.”
Beth couldn’t keep the elated smile off her face at Rick’s proclamation. Rick Grimes loved her. She chased Rick’s words with a kiss of her own, pouring her heart into the kiss. She parted her lips and Rick’s tongue eagerly twined with hers. She wanted to savor the kiss, sear it into her memory; the feel of Rick’s beard on her skin, the warmth of Rick’s body against hers. This was a moment she wanted to remember forever. Next time things were bad–because things always get bad–she wanted this to be the happy moment she recalled to find strength to continue on.
Rick’s hands were still on her hips and his thumbs slid between her jeans and shirt to stroke soft circles into her skin. Beth’s hands wandered into Rick’s irresistible curls. She wanted to feel Rick’s calloused palms on her naked skin, discovering her and she uncovering his skin for exploring. But they were in the driveway of a house that held their family. Tyreese was just out of eye sight on the porch. Daryl was prowling the area. In this world privacy and safety rarely converged. Beth broke their kiss with a frustrated growl.
Rick chuckled, amused against her lips. Beth wished there was more light, she can hear his smile and she wanted to see it with her own eyes. Rick’s smiles were rare nowadays and she wanted to cherish each one. “Somethin’ the matter, darlin’?”
Beth paused for a moment, biting her lip softly in contemplation. Eventually she shook her head in his direction, hoping he would be able to see. “Everything’s perfect.”
She could still feel the gentle traces of his hand along her flesh, and his lips pressed to her own. And although she would like more, she knows that she would have to be willing to wait a little bit longer to fulfill any of her own needs or desires. It would be too hard to do anything now, with their family so close by.
She yawned delicately instead, smiling sheepishly in Rick’s direction. “I’m a little bit tired,” the blond mumbled with a slight shrug, reaching out to grab his calloused hand. “Walk me inside?”
“Of course,” Rick agreed easily enough, guiding his fingers in between her own before squeezing tight. He could almost hear her heart beating outside of her chest, it was so loud, and Rick did his best to bite back a loving grin. The warmth of her palm reminded him of her life; that she was here with him in this very moment, and he vowed to himself to protect her at all costs and do his absolute best to keep it that way.
When Beth settled down for the night on the chilly wooden floor of the house, two strong arms wrapped around her from behind.
She sighed in content, snuggling closer to Rick’s warm form.
Beth decided she could get used to this.