Chapter Text
Bacon Bits -> Parsley
Bacon Bits: I need your powers of E V I L
Parsley: Bet
Parsley: What up?
Bacon Bits: The hero rankings are about to come out and with All Might retiring that leaves…
Bacon Bits: Yeah
Bacon Bits: Any way you can stop him from being number one?
Parsley: Let me get this straight
Parsley: You came to me in the hopes that I can either A) hack into the HC databases and change their hero rankings or B) ruin a terrible man’s image online to yank her public ratings?
Bacon Bits: I mean
Bacon Bits: Yeah basically
Parsley: You are my favorite brother.
Bacon Bits: I’m telling the others
Parsley: Do it I don’t care
Parsley: This is like fucking Christmas to me
Parsley: They should know how much I value chaos and the opportunity to fuck over a crusty old man
Parsley: Actually you know who would love this
______
Class 1-Ayeee
Sunshine: Parentals close your eyes we deleted the chat without you in it because we felt guilty
Sunshine: or don’t and lie about plausible deniability it’s up to you ig
Sunshine: BUT
Sunshine: WHO WANTS TO CYBERBULLY A CHILD ABUSER WITH ME
Elsa Who: !!!!!
Elsa Who: ME
King Explosion: Is it who i think it is?
Sunshine: If you’re thinking hot garbage than yes
King Explosion: FUCK YES IM IN
Bird Goth: Bet
Bird Goth added Monoma Neito to the chat
Bird Goth changed Monoma Neito’s nickname to Lupin
Pika: Lupin like the werewolf?
Lupin: Like the thief.
Lupin: 1-A continues to disappoint
Handyman: Want to be mean to someone on the internet or not
Lupin: I love 1-A
Spiderman: Was it really always that easy
Lupin: Not for you it’s not.
Spiderman: Yeah I walked into that one
Spiderman: I’m in by the way. I haven’t been able to cuss out an old man in Spanish in waaaaaay too long
Music Goth: I’m so fucking in
Alien Queen: Is it really a wonder that I’m so down for this.
Alien Queen: I can have 1.5 million tiktok users hating him in approximately 8 seconds
Rocksrock: The big three are also in
Rocksrock: Well, Tamaki is in which means Mirio is in which mean Nejire will probably follow
Froppy: Oh nejire is in
Froppy: She’s reading this over my shoulder and cackling.
Bird Goth: Hawks is also in
Sunshine: I thought he liked…
Bird Goth: Flock comes first
Bird Goth: His words not mine
Sunshine: Okay cool
Sunshine: Nighteye is also in as he is bored with the whole “nearly died” thing and this brings joy to his petty little heart
Sunshine: so
Sunshine: Our mission that you have all chosen to accept by not speaking out against it
Elsa Who: Trash talk endeavor and tank his publicity ratings
Sunshine: Way to steal my thunder
Sunshine: But yes
Sunshine: we’re talking full cancel however you can make it happen
Sparkles: Mes amis
Sparkles: This is the best gift any of you have ever given me
Sparkles: And Mina once gave me six pounds of glitter.
Handyman: I want you to know that Neito is already laughing
Handyman: I just looked and he’s like 12 Tweets deep in a thread like
Handyman: Destruction is imminent
Mom Friend: Kyoka has a whole Tumblr essay already half written.
Sunshine: Perfect.
Mom Voice: Oh I am already posting on my alt
Sunshine: Best mom right there.
Sunshine: Look at them
Sunshine: Supportive and bloodthirsty
Elsa Who: Favorite parent
Elsa Who: And the others can’t even be mad because they know she is the best
Papa Cloud: True
Eraserdad: I never denied it
Eraserdad: Nezu is also in on it by the way
Papa Cloud: I give it an hour before they break all of the internet.
Sunshine: #endeavorisoverparty is already trending
Sunshine: Proud of all of you
Sunshine: Now it’s time for me to really go to work.
Papa Cloud: I would like to change my answer
Papa Cloud: If Izu is only now getting serious I give it about ten minutes before they break the internet
Eraserdad: With Nezu Izuku Zashi and Nighteye? I give it three
______
Jed-Eye -> Padawan
Jed-Eye: Not that I don’t enjoy chaos as much as the next person
Jed-Eye: But is there a reason you went after Endeavor and not Yagi
Padawan: Yagi is already over. He’s not in a place to hurt anyone else with Nezu and my parents breathing down his neck. Even me I suppose because of the battalion of siblings prepped and ready to kick his ass if he breathes at me wrong.
Padawan: Enji on the other hand killed one of my brothers once already and I’m not going to let him finish the job
Padawan: Or take Shouto which is the only one he cares enough about to try to take which is bullshit but I can’t fight neglect
Padawan: What I can fight is that mother fucker’s shins
Padawan: and his paycheck
Jed-Eye: Fair enough
Jed-Eye: Nothing is stopping me from breaking Yagi’s jaw when I get out of here
Padawan: I didn’t read that for legal reasons
Jed-Eye: I’m serious
Jed-Eye: For what he said to you and god knows how many other kids with non heroic or no quirks at all over the years
Jed-Eye: Be glad that David hasn’t heard about it or he would definitely be coming for murder
Padawan: And he won’t hear about it
Padawan: right?
Jed-Eye: I keep my promises Izuku.
Jed-Eye: that being said if I hear Yagi say anything about Melissa I am bound by an older promise to David
Padawan: That’s valid
Padawan: I think it’s just me tbh
Padawan: I mean clearly he was fine with you and your quirk only works for an hour
Jed-Eye: That doesn’t make it better.
Jed-Eye: In fact I would say that makes it worse
Padawan: How did this go from my justified beef with endeavor to a deep dive into Yagi’s personality and possible biases
Jed-Eye: Deflecting doesn’t mean I’ll forget it
Jed-Eye: Or that I won’t break his jaw
Jed-Eye: I’d say I’d break endeavors but I feel like it would be more satisfying to hold you up and let you break his jaw
Padawan: …….
Padawan: The only reason I’m not saying No is that my other option is climbing on one of my brother’s shoulders to punch this man in the face because there is no reason he should be that tall
Padawan: Yagi too
Padawan: Bastards
Jed-Eye: It’s where they keep their audacity.
Padawan: You're taller than Endeavor
Jed-Eye: I never said it wasn’t where I kept my audacity
Jed-Eye: Takes one to know one
Padawan: Thanks Nighteye
Padawan: Youre not as much fo a dick as I thought
Jed-Eye: you say the nicest things to me
Padawan: Bastard
Padawan: We still on for movie night or do Mirio and I need to break into the hospital again
Jed-Eye: I should be released soon so yes
Jed-Eye: we are still on
Padawan: bet
Padawan: Hey can you do some digging into a certain little buddy for me?
Padawan: I’d ask Nezu but the zookeepers have him flagged every which way
Padawan: Something's night right in the nest
Jed-Eye: absolutely.
Jed-Eye: is this for your raven?
Padawan: Them and possibly someone else
Padawan: Not sure if they’re just at the “mutual appreciation” stage or if this is going to evolve into the “two gay idiots” stage
Jed-Eye: Ah
Jed-Eye: I will look around for you and let you know what I find
Padawan: Thanks
Padawan: You're my favorite hero without a stomach and/or other internal organs due to a fight with a sentient nutsack
Jed-Eye: That’s a very small list
Padawan:
and somehow Yagi still doesn’t make top three