Chapter Text
The room had a moment of silence. The whole room. Steve and Tony were watching something with Tony's wireless headphones, Wanda was daydreaming, Peter was trying to figure out where a really fast thumping was coming from, and Bucky was looking at Peter's arm.
Bucky was about to say something, when a loud scream erupted from a hallway, followed by a half naked man appearing behind Wanda. All he had on was a towel.
"Wanda!! Deal with your boyfriend!" He screeched, making Peter jump back with the new man's incredibly fast appearance.
His accent sounded just like Wanda's. Siblings..? Maybe?
Wanda's pleasant smile turned into an annoyed scowl.
"Pierto." She said calmly.
"What!" Pierto yelled, still looking down the hall.
"We have a guest." Wanda looked at the towel-wearing man with irritation.
"A guest?? Where-" he turned to look around the room, eyes landing on Peter.
Peter stiffened.
"Oh shit, it's a kid!" He yelled, trying to cover himself up more.
Wanda smacked him.
"Owww, what was that for you witch??" He whined.
She smacked him again.
"Okay okay! I'm going to get clothes! Just get your boyfriend out of my shower!! I was kind of in the middle of singing Pompeii" Pierto complained.
Wanda groaned loudly and stood up. Pierto disappeared.. like- really fast. Peter didn't even see it happen?!? Wanda trudged down the hall the strange man had come from.
Wait. Why was Wanda's boyfriend in Pierto's shower-
His thoughts were cut off again by Pierto rushing back in.
"Hello kid!" The man from before stood himself in front of Peter, now fully dressed in a red shirt and leggings.
Peter launched himself backwards into the counter.
"Shit shit shit- I mean shoot- shit I didn't mean to say that! I'm sorry, damn it- oh what the hell" the man muttered angrily to himself as he pulled Peter back into his previous sitting position.
What the truck just happened. What the truck what the truck what the truck.
Okay! Red Bull guy floats through floors. That's one thing. Peter can get by that! eventually! Man who breaks the law of physics by either teleporting without weird inter-dimensional magic or large physical mutation to prevent their body from breaking down at inhuman speeds? Not so much! There's a pretty big difference between a red guy having the ability to transfer cells through a floor or something to a man who can defy the functions of speed and force. Peter was very intimidated at the level of logic-defying demonism this 'Pierto' had achieved.
Peter watched in awe as Pietro ran out of the room again. Now that he was focusing, he could see how the strange man had been getting around so quickly.
Running. Of course. What other possible explanation could it be? Why not have the comic flash's complimentary colored buddy with the same powers exist in real life? What could possibly go wrong??
Pietro bolted back in, headed straight for Peter.
Peter only had a fraction of a second to witness firsthand the Doppler Effect^(1) before Pietro was standing right in front of him again.
With a raccoon in his arms.
Yeah, that's right.
A raccoon.
I mean, sure, Peter has most definitely had his fair share of encounters with this particular species, so what? It's not the cops business. Who cares? That doesn't mean he's gonna go dragging them around a million dollar building for the sake of whatever this crazy big man was planning.
"Children love fluffy animals, right?" He yelled, trying to contain the spooked and angry rodent.
"Put me down you dumbass, or I'm gonna rip that stupid rat's nests of a hair right off your scalp if my feet aren't on the ground in three seconds, ya hear?!?" A gravelly voiced yelled out.
It was the raccoon.
The raccoon was talking.
Was this some sort of fever dream??!? Peter already suspected so when he was told he was going to meet everyone, but physics destroyer and talking mammal were not on that list?? So why were they in the list?!?
A loud (familiar) screech pulled him back in.
The talking raccoon bit Pietro, causing the man to absolutely yeet the ball of fluff into the floor. This caused a fight, like- a physical one.
"You are not permitted to touch!!!" The raccoon screamed (Holy shit it can scream) as he rolled underneath Pietro and grabbed at his leg to pull him down.
"I thought you were a cat!?!" Pietro yelled as his balance was thrown off by a raccoon. THE raccoon, sorry.
"Do I look like a butt-lickin cuddly claw machine??" He retorted, putting his hands on his hips.
"You look like a shit ton of garbage to me!" Pietro grabbed the raccoon's tail and swung it on the floor.
"That's Rocket to you, shitskull dunce-face" the raccoon bared his teeth, ready to strike again.
Bucky had had enough.
"Rocket, leave Pietro alone" Bucky called out with authority, picking the rodent up by the scruff.
"Oh hey there big guy. Have you put the arm up for sale yet?" 'Rocket' asked politely, seeming to have forgotten about the whole fight.
That didn't take long.
"In your dreams, raccoon" he said plainly, setting Rocket down away from Pietro.
"You still haven't told me what a raccoon is, why does everyone keep calling me a raccoon??" Rocket called out to nowhere, lifting his arms in question.
"As for you Pietro, why do you need to pick up everything you see? I almost crushed you, and Pepper nearly killed you. Have you learned nothing?" Bucky scolded, holding out a hand for Pietro to use.
Pietro accepted, allowing himself to stand.
"Okay, mom friend" he insulted.
"Wasn't Bucky like- wanted for treason and stuff?" Peter attempted to defend. Not his best argument! He will admit that.
"Fair point" Pietro agreed.
Rocket had crawled up into one of the stools, sitting on the counter and using the chair as a foot rest. "In my defense, arm guy, he picked me up while I was trying to get Clint's hearing aids again"
"That's what you were doing?? I thought you were trying to shit on the floor" Pietro answered truthfully "if I'd known this was a ploy against Clint, I'd have joined in"
"Aside from that, who's the infant?" Rocket pointed to Peter, hopping over to Bucky's lap in order to stuff his tiny finger (paw?) into Peter's face.
"That's Peter, Rocket. He's, according to Tony, the reason we're all invited here tonight" Bucky explained tiredly.
"Oh!... Why? No offense, even though I really don't care, but he looks just like any other 10 year old dumbass who skips too many meals playing video games or whatever you nerds do" Rocket hopped back to his counter seat again.
"Internship!" Peter said nervously, his mind doing flavored backflips at the fact that he was talking to a literal raccoon.
"Internship? For what, sit still look pretty? Like that song my Peter won't shut the hell up about?" Rocket complained, tugging down on his ears at the thought of his companion's access to newer songs.
"Your Peter..?" Peter questioned questioningly like a question.
"Yeah, average guy, yeigh tall, never figures out how to close his trap or his zipper? Peter Quill, dumbest guy in the galaxy?" Rocket could've gone all day describing the wonder known as Peter- or, in his words, Star Lord.
Peter mulled over that for a moment. So. Talking raccoon had a friend with the same name as Peter. Said friend also sings one of the many (personally) well-known songs in Peter's playlist.
Literally what about this doesn't scream dream??
Either way, Peter didn't want to embarrass dream talking raccoon. Last time it was a dream bearded dragon, and that did NOT go well for his dream fingers.
Rocket went back to pestering Pietro, knocking over the small cup tower he'd made while the other pair talked.
Peter was sorta left to himself again. He sighed, dipping his head into his hands tiredly.
He was exhausted now. And he hadn't even met everyone! Dinner hadn't even started?!? It was pathetic. Peter couldn't handle talking to a handful of people (and animals) for less than an hour, how was he supposed to speak with more while eating?
Things were getting too complicated.
His elbow, sore from the weight and an inconveniently placed bruise, on top of being laid on a nerve, trembled under the weight of his head. He shifted it around, holding his head in one hand instead. Closing his eyes, he let himself relax a minute. Tony and Steve left a bit ago, Rocket and Pietro were walking out at the very moment, not much would have the capability of popping up in his face right now.
"Peter, what happened to your arm?" Bucky asked.
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