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Every step was a struggle for Suruga. The Commander had unknowingly left her behind—it must be the festivities, she believed, not malice on his part. Nobody should blame him for getting swept up. Everyone did. Maybe she would, too, if only she could.
After she had followed him quietly for a while, she noticed his abrupt pause, as if it had dawned on him that he had lost her. She could see him frantically looking around the crowd before their eyes met, and he rushed to her side, taking her hand in his.
“I…I’m so sorry,” he whispered. He was red and furious—no doubt at himself.
From the corner of her eyes, Suruga could see people looking at them as they strolled past. She couldn’t read their expression, but it left her with unease.
“Look, there’s nothing to be sorry for,” she whispered back, shutting her eyes to make the faces disappear. The feeling of being held helped. The noise gradually died down, and only that warmly comforting presence remained.
The Commander raised an eye but then allowed himself a smile. He led her away from the crowd.
“Look at me…needing to be led as a child would,” the Commander heard her griping as they walked. Yesterday she was all giddy when he did the same. She seemed to be in high spirits just moments ago when he held her hand.
In recent days, there were times when she would be particularly cheerful for seemingly no reason, and there were times when she would see the world as all gray and storm off from the slightest provocation.
Perhaps such an ever-changing state of mind was to be expected from her condition. He wouldn’t blame her, no—he knew it was difficult for her as well. After all, now she really couldn’t fade into the background should she want to.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have complained like that and that I appreciate what you did and…and…why did you put up with me anyway…?”
Her voice became increasingly hushed. He could see droplets falling to the stone path as she spoke.
“Because it’s you,” he said. “As long as it is you, everything's alright. So you know what, Suruga? There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
Suruga looked up and laughed over the sentiment echoing hers earlier. She laughed over how he would always remind her that he had a strange taste in women—and then at how fortunate she was that he did.
“Good. Keep that up, because we’re here…” the Commander paused to look at the shrine steps, dolls adorning every single one, “...for the future.”
Suruga overheard mothers praying for their daughters’ future there. She had no daughter of her own—at least, not yet, in a sense—but their hopes resonated within her.
She touched her belly, feeling the life it was carrying. The feeling was beautiful yet terrifying.
Her tears had threatened to spill out again, but that was before she felt a familiar caress on her shoulder. The hand soon ran through her locks.
“Are you worried…? It’s easier to give birth than to think about it,” soothed the Commander.
“...I don’t know. Maybe I am,” Suruga replied, begrudging the lack of certainty.
“You and I both, then. And my worries are why I need you.”
“...Just what does that supposed to mean?”
“Think highly of yourself more often, Suruga. Your intuition and battle prowess, no matter how you would fervently deny it, had been helping us more often than you remember. Forget that; your presence is enough for me to face the day…or anything. Thank you for that strength.”
This is unfair, Suruga bemoaned. It has always been easy for him to say those words and retain their weight. In front of people, to boot.
“...I…” She drew breath and began, ”I…I don’t know what to say…but you know, th—thank you for accepting me for who I am, I guess? O-other than that, you have learned everything about me…so…um, well, all that’s left is our future, right? I…I swear I will remain by your side…and our child.”
Having said that, seeing the tender look directed at her now felt more reassuring than embarrassing to Suruga.
“Then…shall we pray for her future as well?”
“Yes…let us do that.”
Suruga put her palms together and closed her eyes. She wished nothing but good things for the daughter she would see soon and in the years to come.
The future would always be uncertain, but now she had all the reasons to keep up hopes.