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Totally Clueless

Summary:

Wren breaks her leg and is stuck in a cast, Alexander knows just the right thing to cure her miserable boredom. It is 1995, and the Dellecher Seven settle into Wren’s bedroom for a private showing of Clueless on VHS.

Notes:

cleaning out WIPs from my docs. this is probably a bit unpolished, and self-indulgent. I just thought it'd be cute.

warnings: canon-typical mentions of drugs (alexander), light swearing, richard lives, breathes and talks.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“It’s here, It’s here! I got it!” Alexander flies into the room, frantically waving a thick VHS cover. 

“Excuse me.” Richard’s grumbles behind him, just a few steps down. “I’m fairly certain that it was me who procured it.” 

The rest of us look up, surprised by Alexander’s sudden intrusion. 

James and I are trying to untangle a mess of black cords and cables, which are tied into a thick knot that is so dusty that I can’t stop sneezing while Filippa and Meredith are fluffing Wren’s pillows, making sure she’s comfortable for tonight’s plans. 

It was last week when she stumbled backwards during rehearsals and tumbled off the stage, arms flailing. An unlucky landing, the doctor said - and ever since then, she was stuck in a white cast.

Alexander is bent over, breathing hard and thrusts the VHS into the air so we can all stare at the packaging. 

It reads: ‘Clueless, dir. Amy Heckerling. For awards consideration only.’

“How did you get it?” Filippa asks and there’s a hint of alarm in her voice, as if she’s just caught him red handed, committing a crime. 

“My Dad works with someone who works with Paramount.” Richard says and we can all tell he means to sound casual, but it comes out as haunty as ever. 

He looks at us and frowns. “What is that ?”

James and my head twist down to the TV set simultaneously and I stutter. “The TV.” 

That thing? It’s barely bigger than a fishbowl.” Richard complains loudly. 

“It was the only thing they had.” Meredith tries to sooth him. “It’s from Holinshed’s office.” 

James seems to be annoyed with Richard, and I quickly continue to help him separate the film recorder’s cables from the TV’s power cord. 

Alexander ignores Richard’s protest and slides over to Wren. “Here, sick-chicken.”

“I’m not sick.” She smiles up at him. “Just.. wounded.” 

Meredith and Alexander share a smile above her head and Meredith slides in next to her, sitting down at the edge of the bed. She wraps her long, lean arm around Wren and squeezes her delicately. 

“Are you all comfortable?” She asks, and Wren nods. 

“Yeah, you guys have really done way too much.” Wren shakes her head, almost embarrassedly.

Alexander nudges me, drawing my attention toward him. His chin tips towards Wren, Filippa and Meredith on the bed and I’m not quite sure what he wants me to see. 

Meredith is combing through Wren’s hair, talking softly and smiling with her while Filippa drags a blanket over Wren’s leg in the plaster cast. 

“Be honest, Marks.” Alexander murmurs into my ear. “Wouldn’t you break a leg to be looked after like that. By them .” 

I pull back and look at him, and he wears an insinuating smile. 

I shove him off, and laugh, shaking my head. “Shut up.” 

When I look up, I’m just in time to see James rolling his eyes at Alexander. But there isn’t a smile on his lips.

- - -

A moment later, James and I have managed to hook the recorder up to the TV and a frizzy image appears on the screen. 

The Paramount logo appears, but the speakers stay silent. 

Alexander replugs the machines twice until we have sound, but then everyone settles back into their respective seats. 

“You’re sitting up there?” Richard asks exasperatedly when he spots Meredith next to Wren on the bed. “Where am I supposed to sit?” 

“Not here, that’s for sure.” Alexander whispers tauntingly from where he is sprawled across a few throw pillows on the ground. 

James and I have settled against the end of Wren’s bed, our heads supported by her thick mattress and Filippa is sitting on a chair next to Wren with her heels perched on the edge of the bed. 

Richard frowns, but I shrug my shoulders, helpless. 

Meredith relents. “Here.” She pats a chair that stands a bit behind the bed where she’s curled against Wren. “Just sit with me.” 

‘With’ is an exaggeration.” Richard mumbles unhappily to himself, but he grabs the chair nonetheless, its feet scratching across the wooden floor before he throws himself into the seat. 

The poor piece of furniture barely seems able to support his broad form.

“Ready?” Alexander asks, remote pointed at the TV. 

“Yup.” 

“Mhm.”

“Go ahead.”

“This better be good.”

Alexander punches play, and the still blue screen comes to live. 

‘Paramount Pictures presents.. Clueless.’
Kids in America by The Muffs plays to a montage of twenty-something-year olds having fun in the sun, pretending to be teenagers. 

The main character is introduced, a pretty girl, and by the time she is shown in a brand new Jeep, Alexander can’t suppress his commentary any longer. 

“Is this film about you, Mer?” He grins. 

“Ha-ha.” Meredith says boredly, glaring at him.

The girl on the screen goes by the name Cher, and Alexander’s theory seems supported by how wealthy appears to be. Well-styled, popular and with hard working parents that could probably be Meredith’s. Other than that Cher doesn’t seem to resemble her much. 

- - -

“Isn’t he cute?” Alexander smirks at the sight of Paul Rudd on the screen. 

“Really?” Richard says, pulling a face. “I don’t see it.” 

James shoots him an irritated glance. “Do you really have an opinion on this?” 

Richard holds his gaze for a moment, before shrugging. “Whatever.” 

“He has something.” Meredith agrees, which only seems to make Richard even more moody. 

“Ugh. Hand me the popcorn.” He says and starts to shovel the white balls into his mouth as if it would make the film go by faster. 

We continue watching, and I find myself paying more attention to the production design than the actual script, which is probably also true for James, because every few seconds or so, our eyes meet and we express some grimace or other in relation to the dialogue. 

“Oh, so she shops and she looks cute.. How original.” Filippa rolls her eyes at the screen. 

“It’s just the beginning, I’m sure she’ll do something.” Meredith says, stealing a bit of popcorn from the bowl in Richard’s lap. 

- - -

“Would you look at that prop!” Filippa says through a laugh when Paul Rudd’s character appears on screen, holding an almost comically large cover of a book conveniently reading ‘Friedrich Nietzsche’ in large letters.

“We gotta make sure everyone knows how smart and sophisticated this guy is.” Richard says, through a mouthful of popcorn as if he was only waiting for an opportunity to insult the guy. 

“That reminds me of the one time I caught you reading Syliva Plath at lunch, first year.” Alexander announces to the group, looking at Richard with a devious smile. “Because you wanted to impress that second year blonde with the big–”

“Shut up!” Richard interrupts him, tossing a fistful of popcorn at Alexander’s head. 

“Oh, stop it!” Meredith says.

“Shhh!” Wren hushes.

- - -

On the TV, a girl on a sports court says: ‘My plastic surgeon doesn’t want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.’
To which her classmate replies: ‘Well, there goes your social life.’

Richards snorts in amusement and Filippa and James crane their necks, looking equally disgusted with him. 

The film continues until the characters find themselves at a Christmas party. 

“Her fits are really nice, though.” Meredith tips her head to one side. 

“Mhm, I love her skirts.” Wren agrees and opens her hand when Meredith offers her more Popcorn from Richard’s bowl. 

(On TV) Cher’s Dad asks: ‘Do you know what time it is?’

Cher: ‘A watch doesn’t really go with this outfit, Daddy.’

Richard chuckles. “I’m pretty sure I’ve overheard this exact same conversation between you and your father. Maybe Alexander wasn’t totally wrong.”

“Oh, cut the crap, Dick .” Meredith pokes him, before stealing the popcorn from him. 

“HEY!” He reaches after it, but she has already deposited it on Wren’s lap, which is a ‘No Rough and Tumble Zone’. 

“Shhh!” Filippa and I hush at the same time. 

A guy on the screen tries to kiss Cher, who has to reject him three times. 

Filippa, Meredith, and Wren cringe loudly at the same time. James and I look at each other, amused at their simultaneous reaction. 

“What a pig.” I whisper and James chuckles.

He runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head a little and his eyes flick back to the TV, but I can’t help but stare at the way the moving pictures of the screen are reflected in his eyes in the dim room.

A few scenes later, Cher descends from the stairs in her house, wearing a small silver white dress that stirs up a conversation. 

“Is that-” Wren starts. 

“Calvin Klein.” Meredith finishes. 

And the film confirms it only a split second later, when Cher’s father tries to reprimand his daughter’s party dress code by complaining that it looks like underwear. 

The scene makes most of us laugh, and Filippa goes on to say, “Am I the only one who thinks it’s kinda strange that the step-siblings are slowly.. growing closer?” 

“No. It is strange.” James nods. 

“Well, they aren’t really related.” Wren murmurs. “And he isn’t even her step-brother anymore. They’re ex-step-siblings.” 

“You would be the one to put that into perspective.” Filippa says with a smirk that carries a concealing quality I can’t quite read. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Wren looks at her, still smiling. 

“You and Richard are almost blue blooded British royals. Your family tree was probably a mess a few generations back.” 

“Is not!” Wren laughs, offended, but only in a mild manner. 

Alexander snorts, but his eyes stay glued to the TV. 

“Well, there is that one uncle on Mom’s side who married his cousin.” Richard says absentmindedly and Wren turns to him, open-mouthed and shaking her head. 

“Would you stop enabling these rumors?” Wren tells him, and Filippa just laughs. 

- - -

On the TV:
‘Then suddenly.. Oh my god, I love Josh.
I am majorly, totally, crazy in love with Josh.’

I cast a glance to James by my side and his nose is wrinkled, but Wren and Meredith are watching the TV with soft eyes. 

“I think it’s kinda cute.” Wren admits, popping another ball of popcorn between her lips.

The ex-step-siblings end up together, of course, and the film concludes with Paul Rudd and Alicia Silverstone kissing to another dance-rock song. 

The credits roll and everyone untangles to unplug everything, laughing and chatting about the film. 

Wren and Filippa are still discussing plot points, the step-sibling situation and the overall production design, while Alexander is patiently rolling himself a joint on the floor.

My eyes move up to see Meredick wrapped around each other. Richard’s hands are linked behind her back, holding her close to his chest around her waist while she murmurs something with a smile. She finishes by nuzzling his nose and suddenly he’s smiling too. 

Leave it to Meredith to turn Richard’s mood upside down with a sweet whisper and a hug. 

She leans on her tiptoes for a kiss and I cast my eyes away to see what James is up to, but he is no longer sitting by my side. 

Where did he go.. 

The black power cable of the TV jerks across the floor and there he is, gathering the cable, rolling it around his elbow in fast, short, jerking motions.

I push off the floor and join him. “You liked the film?” 

James doesn’t answer right away, his eyes concentrating on where he is pulling at the cable. “More or less.” 

Something about his sudden coldness confuses and offends me, but I’m not sure it’s just my imagination and so I just go on, trying to shake the feeling. “I thought it was fun, in a not so serious way.”

“The ending was bullshit.” He says, tosses the cable down and squats down to eject the VHS. 

I feel foolish. As if I said the wrong thing. I look back at the others, who are all busy with themselves and each other. 

When I turn back, James has grabbed as much as he can carry and starts heading for the door. I just stand there, confused and also a little angry when suddenly Alexander appears next to me. 

“Don’t worry about it.” He says, stroking the edges of his joint. 

“What?” My head is spinning. 

“He’s just jealous.” 

I stare at him, even more confused now. 

“Oh, Oliver.” He starts, shaking his head. “You really can’t be helped.”

Notes:

i know the ending isn't very fluffy, but i thought that pre-canon, they didn't have a clue they really started to fall in love with each other, so.. sorry.