Chapter Text
A couple of days after the whole Hogsmede incident, I was more confused than ever. Connor was still dating Daria, yet acting like everything was pretty much normal between us. Actually, not normal. He's still a bit distant, yet it seems like he finds any excuse to brush up next to me, or put a hand on my shoulder, or sit closer to me than usual.
Even Taylor noticed that things had been tense between us. When she asked me about it, I tried to play it down like less of a deal than it actually was.
“I don’t know. Things between me and Connor have been a little weird lately.” I said, shrugging and taking a bite of my chocolate frog, trying to come off as nonchalant.
She nodded sympathetically and put a hand on my shoulder. All of the sudden, realization flashed across her face. She looked at me, her eyes wide, and muttered, “ I can't believe I didn't figure it out sooner.” She stood up and started pacing the hallway, running her fingers through her hair. "The looks, the Blake thing, it all makes so much sense now. How did I not see it before?"
“What?” I asked, confused, as she continued pacing, flailing her arms wildly.
“I'm such an idiot!”
I stood up and grabbed her shoulders, stopping her in her tracks. “Taylor! What are you talking about?”
“You have a crush on Connor.” She said breathlessly.
Shit.
I froze, my mouth opening and closing, unable to confirm or deny it. How did she know? Was it that obvious? Would she tell anyone? Questions were running through my mind a mile a minute, while I broke into a nervous sweat.
It took me a good couple of seconds to break out of my shock and say anything. I just didn’t know what to say. “Taylor-” I started, but she interrupted me.
“Am I right?”
I could deny it. Even though I haven’t been friends with Taylor for a long time, I already feel like I can trust her. Plus, it’s not like she would tell anyone. So, I told her the truth.
“Y-yeah.” I stuttered, my cheeks turning red. I buried my face in my hands as she whooped victoriously. Could this get any more embarrassing?
“I knew it!” She yelled cheerfully, a manic grin on her face, pumping her fist in the air. She laughed to herself, as if she couldn’t believe she figured it out. But, I mean, c’mon. It doesn’t exactly take a Sherlock Holmes to figure out that I was in love with Connor.
Fear panged through my heart again at the thought of Connor finding out I was in love with him. “Taylor, you cannot tell him. No one can know!” I stressed.
She waved me off. “Relax, Jude, I won't tell him.” She sat down on the black couch, gesturing for me to sit next to her. I sat down hesitantly. She waited a moment before asking cautiously, “When did you start liking him?”
“Middle of third year.” I revealed, looking down at my hands.
She whistled in appreciation. “Wow.”
“Yeah. I know.”
She approached the next subject with caution. “Is it hard? Seeing him and Daria together?” She clarified.
“Yeah.” I said, sighing. She gave me a sympathetic look. I shrugged, trying to downplay my own heartbreak. “But Connors happy, and that's all that matters.” And it was true. As long as Connor is happy with Daria, I will just sit on the sidelines and watch. I will choose his happiness over mine every time.
She patted me jovially on the back, trying to lift my spirits. “Come on, its lunch time, and the best way to get over someone is by binging on food. Or, at least, that's what I've heard.” She said cheerfully, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the Slytherin Common room. Maybe this was the start of recovery. Maybe telling someone was just the something I needed to start getting Connor out of my system.
Once I started telling Taylor all of the things that I had gone through during my crush on Connor, I couldn’t stop. It was like my mouth had a mind of its own. Although, I admit, it was really nice to finally have someone to confide in about all the things I had been suppressing for so long.
“So when they asked you what the third smell in your amortentia was, it was Connor’s cologne?” She asked, trying to stifle her laughter.
I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly. “Yeah, it was so embarrassing. I'm pretty sure I turned bright red in the middle of the class.”
“You're turning bright red right now!” She pointed out. I felt my face turning hot, and she laughed ever harder, placing a hand on my arm. I groaned as she enjoyed my pain. I opened my mouth, about to retaliate, but someone cleared their throat in back of me, stopping me mid-word.
“Jude can I talk to you?”
I turned around to see Connor, standing there with his arms folded, Daria nowhere in sight. I quirked an eyebrow and nodded, surprised. Connor and I had not had a lot of truly alone time recently. We always were in sight of other people, wither it was around Taylor and Daria or in the middle of the library. We had never been secluded, especially not after… the kiss that shall not be named.
“Sure! See you later, Taylor.” I said, waving, my face still slightly red. She winked at me as I left with Connor, once again making my face flush red. I was slightly confused by Connor’s actions, but I was also hopeful. Maybe this was a sign that things were getting back to normal.
As soon as we rounded the corner and got out of earshot from anyone else who could possibly be out and about at this time, I stopped walking and broke the silence, wanting to know why he was talking to me after being a bit weird all week. “What's up?” I asked, hoping he would give me an excuse for all of the crazy shit he's been pulling recently. The kiss, the hand holding... I would like an answer for one of those things. But, as usual, what came out of his mouth was not what I was expecting.
“Are you and Taylor dating?” He questioned accusedly, crossing his arms.
I was taken aback at first, but then I laughed. “What? No!” I said, chuckling to myself at the thought.
“Are you sure?” He asked, narrowing his eyes.
His tone set me on edge. I scoffed, getting a little irritated. “What kind of question is that? Of course I'm sure I'm not dating Taylor.” I said.
“Do you like her?”
I sighed tiredly. Why did he even care? “No, Connor. I don't.” Trust me, I really don’t.
“Are you sure?” He clarified. “Cause you two spend a lot of time together.”
I rolled my eyes, anger flaring up inside me. “Of course I’m sure, you dolt! And we’ve only spend so much time together because you and Daria leave us together all the time! I mean, not only that reason. Taylor's really cool. She listens to me, she actually cares what I say-”
“So you do like her!” He exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger and poking me in the chest,
I huffed in exasperation, hitting his hand away and running a hand through my hair in frustration, almost at my breaking point. “Are you even listening to anything I'm saying Connor?”
“Yeah, you like her!” He accused.
“Connor I'm GAY!”
Silence.
Oh shit.
“What?”