Chapter Text
Cameron sat up in the darkness, pushing the blanket away and balancing her chin on her knees.
She felt something – a hand – touch the small of her back.
‘Everything ok?’
Cuddy. Cuddy who lay naked in Cameron’s bed, still. Living, breathing proof that what had happened had happened. It hadn’t been in her imagination.
Suddenly Cameron frowned. She stopped. She turned.
‘Am I dreaming?’
Cuddy smiled. ‘Could be,’ she acknowledged, sitting up and tucking her chin into the hollow inside Cameron’s collar bone. ‘Would you like me to wake you?’
‘Never.’
As they kissed, a series of images flashed across Cameron’s consciousness: dark hair against white pillows, hard lines and soft curves, gentle touches, firmer touches, then harder and harder, until... that noise. That noise that Cuddy had made that meant that it was over, it was done. A sweet, soft sound of release.
They parted.
‘You stayed,’ said Cameron.
‘Yes,’ Cuddy nodded. ‘Was that ok?’
‘Of course. Did you mean to?’
‘Do you think I would have if I didn’t?’
‘I... I don’t know. I’m not sure I know you at all, really.’
‘You know me well enough, for now.’ She paused. ‘And there’s such a thing as knowing a person too well, don’t you think?’
Cameron thought about it. ‘No,’ she said, at length, ‘not really.’ And then: ‘Is that what happened with House?’
‘I –’ Cuddy withdrew.
It had been the wrong thing to say. Cameron knew it the moment the words had left her lips. Unfortunately, though, it was too late.
‘With House it was... it was amazing.’ She shrugged. ‘And it was terrible.’
‘What happened?’ Cuddy was looking at her again with those eyes, those eyes.
‘I just... I realised he could never be there for me in the way that I needed him to be.’
‘I can’t imagine you ever needing anyone.’
I need you, now. She didn’t say the words, but they were implied in the way she tilted back her head, and pulled Cameron in towards her.
More pictures, stories, flashes of life past. A biting of lips. Cuddy’s supreme confidence softened by Lisa’s deep-seated insecurities: Look at me. Do I please you? Am I too old? Past it? Are my breasts still perky enough? Do you mind that my skin creases when I smile? And that my forehead does when I don’t? ...Could you imagine loving me?
Kind reassurances, given when they were asked for and when they were not: You’re beautiful, perfect even. Lovely, sweetheart... All the way to: Fucking-hell-Lisa-you’re-hot.
Suddenly, in the present, Cuddy pushed Cameron away.
‘If we’re going to do this, Allison,’ she said, ‘then there are things... things that we need to talk about.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like... like I want to have children. And I’m a mess.’
Cameron smiled. ‘That’s ok, on both counts. I want children too. And I’m attracted to mess. Really – when you think about it, we’re an ideal couple.’
Cuddy smiled at her then, and it was warm, but sad too. Cameron sensed it was a smile gearing itself up for disappointment, a smile that had been hurt before and fully expected to be hurt again.
Cameron was so desperate not to be a disappointment.
‘Please,’ she said, ‘please, just give me a chance. Let me show you that I can be there for you. For whatever you need. Please,’ she touched Cuddy’s jawline, forcing her to look up and into her eyes, ‘let me try.’
For a long while there was silence.
‘Ok.’
Cameron leaned in closer. She had seen Cuddy’s lips open and close to form the words, or at least she thought she had, but she hadn’t heard them, and she wasn’t sure she could trust herself...
‘I said ok,’ Cuddy smiled.
‘Ok?’
‘Ok let’s try this.’
‘Ok.’
‘Ok.’
Cameron allowed herself a silent whoop of joy. She smiled, glanced at Cuddy, caught her smiling too, and then they both looked away, embarrassed.
Then they were kissing again, and this time there were no flashbacks. Everything was in the present. Everything was now: the taste of Cuddy, the touch of her, the smell of her. It was exhilarating. Cuddy straddling her, pushing her down against the pillows, biting her ear, and then whispering into it...
‘One other thing.’
‘Yes?’
‘Please don’t ever mention House while we’re in bed together again.’
‘Ok,’ Cameron smiled, ‘I think I can manage that. But –’ she put a hand against Cuddy’s chest, trying (unsuccessfully) to ignore the way that Cuddy moved so that she was unavoidably cupping one breast ‘– what about tomorrow?’
‘What – Chase?’
Cameron shook her head. ‘He won’t be a problem. We’ve already spoken.’ Did she feel guilty about Chase? Not really. In fact, if anything, she felt guilty about how much she didn’t feel guilty about Chase. They had separated, amicably. It had never been anything real. It had never been anything like this. ‘But what about –’
‘And don’t worry about House,’ Cuddy smiled. ‘I’ll take of him.’
...
The following morning, as Cameron approached the glass double doors at the main entrance of PPTH, she could see two familiar figures standing in front of the desk. Both were gesticulating wildly.
And although Cameron would never, under normal circumstances, have considered herself an accomplished lip-reader, as one of them opened their mouths, she was able to make out, clear as day, the words ‘OH MY GOD!’