Chapter Text
When Ajax wakes again, even before he has experienced the misfortune of opening his eyes, his head feels like it’s been bashed in by all of his textbooks, in alphabetical order. He smacks his sticky lips, making a sound of disgust at the taste in his mouth.
Unfortunately for him, his bladder attracts his attention before any other part of him can clamour for help, so he is doomed to drag himself out of the bed. For a second, he considers the consequences of not moving, but they’re too dire. Bedwetting is not on his list of university to-dos, thanks.
A searing pain lances through his skull when he rights himself, stomach twisting and churning, so he groans and bends in half to ease the struggle. It does not, in fact, ease his struggle, as it amplifies the nausea, though it does help with the headache. He angles his torso to 45 degrees, and waddles to the bathroom.
Ajax cannot, with any certainty, estimate how long he spends in the bathroom, but by the time he emerges, he feels approximately 10% more human. The shower made him smell better, if nothing else, though he desperately needs some water and perhaps a nap on his couch. Thank god his exams are over.
He checks his phone, which is at 2% battery, since drunk Ajax did not have the presence of mind to charge it. There is a string of incoherent messages from Mona and Kaeya, the latter of which has the audacity to ask Ajax if he “regeerts the shorts noiw”. No, Ajax doesn’t regeert a thing, except for his friendship with Kaeya, who Ajax is 99% sure is responsible for his drinking last night. In some way, probably. Kaeya is the source of most of his bad ideas.
When Ajax walks into his living room, he stops dead, headache disappearing for a moment while he processes the scene before him.
There is a man.
In Ajax’s hoodie, the one he matches with Noodle , and this man has the audacity to—
Why’s he standing in his kitchen?
Wait.
Is this the—
“Are you real?” Ajax asks. It seems as good a question as any to start with.
The man picks up a steaming mug and extends it towards Ajax. Ajax does not stare at his bare chest beneath the zip-up hoodie, nor does he notice the fact that this man is in his boxer briefs because that’s just not—Ajax screws up his face as the headache sweeps through his head again.
“The tea will help, I promise,” the man says, gesturing to the mug in Ajax’s hand. “And yes, I am real.”
“But I had a dream and you were in it?” Yes, Ajax, you’re getting words in the correct order in a sentence, he tells himself.
“That was not a dream, Ajax.”
Ajax blinks, first with one eyelid, then the other. It’s the best he can do. He looks down at the tea, which smells heavenly, even though Ajax would rather die than smell anything else in the present moment. Nothing should smell good when he’s this nauseated, and yet, here he is, taking a sip of the tea and praying it does help his entire situation.
Once the mug is empty, and Ajax has deposited the sack of bones that he calls a body on the couch, he sighs.
“Okay, so, what did you do with my ferret?” Ajax asks, his eyes still searching the corners of the apartment for Noodle, who is likely hiding because of this stranger. There’s no need for worrying, Ajax thinks, while worrying.
“I didn’t do anything with him, and he is not a ferret, exactly.” The man scratches the back of his neck a bit sheepishly, looking far too comfortable in a stranger’s house.
“Then where is he?” Ajax demands.
“I’m right here,” the man says.
“Ha ha. No, okay, seriously, can we just—can we start with last night? I am hung over as balls. Use small words.”
The man laughs softly, his voice rich and deep, and Ajax wishes that his dick could stay out of this for a moment. Nothing makes sense right now.
Ajax slurps the tea obnoxiously to fill the silence.
“Well, where would you like me to start? It would make sense if you wanted me to start from when you came home looking a little worse for wear?” the man says, a small smile curving his beautiful mouth. Ajax’s eyes drift down to the man’s chest and wonder if he was actually any good in bed last night because hoo boy, is he hung over. Whiskey dick was more than likely. Great. Ajax looks down at his hands, embarrassed.
“Start when we met, maybe?”
“You fed me a noodle.”
Ajax blinks. “When the hell did I get noodles after the bar?”
“Oh, no, a few months ago. You fed me a noodle.”
Ajax blinks again, racking his alcohol-soaked brain for information. All he finds is sludge.
“I’m pretty good with faces,” Ajax says, omitting ‘as hot as yours.’
“I look a little different. As I may have mentioned, I have changed species. To you, anyway.”
“Did you just say that you changed species?” Ajax asks, face screwed up in confusion.
“Yes.”
“You’re actually telling me that you’re my pet ferret.”
“Dragon, actually.”
“You’re my pet ferret-dragon.”
“Just dragon.”
“You’re a dragon?”
“Not currently, no, but I was in my dragon form.”
“Yes, you’re clearly a dude right now.”
“Yes.”
“And your name is…?” Ajax takes a long drag of the tea, pleased at how his head is starting to clear.
“Morax. Or Zhongli. For you, Noodle.” He smiles. “Any of them is fine.”
“Why does that sound familiar?”
“You may have heard it around festival time.”
“Okay, we’ll come back to that.” Ajax frowns more deeply. “Let’s say you are, hypothetically, my ferret.”
“Dragon.”
“Dragon. My hypothetical dragon. How am I supposed to believe that? You have any scales there that I can’t see? Man, I’m being pranked, aren’t I?”
Zhongli follows the motion of Ajax’s slightly hysterical hand gestures.
“No, you aren’t being pranked, and no, I do not have any scales. Just human skin.”
“Why would you say human skin? That sounds so serial killer-y.”
“I apologize.”
“But seriously, you realize how insane this sounds?”
“I do, yes.”
“And you expect me to believe you?”
Zhongli walks out of the kitchen and brings his bare chest closer to Ajax. Disrespectful.
“May I sit down?” Zhongli asks.
“Sure,” Ajax says affably, scooching over to make room and putting his mug on the questionable coffee table.
“I do know that this is an unusual situation, but I am happy to answer any questions that you may have. I do want to thank you for your kindness and for all the wonderful meals. You are a skilled chef.”
“Thanks.” Ajax smiles, a bit confused, but still flattered. “So, can I get the tl;dr version of what happened, or?”
“The what version?”
“Uh, too long, didn’t read. Just—the short version.”
“I have to admit that I was a little concerned about you when you returned last night, so I made an attempt to see if I was ready to take another form, and it turns out that I was.”
Confusion opens the door for embarrassment. “Was I that drunk?”
“I had to check if you were breathing once or twice.”
Ajax is more embarrassed than he has ever been in his entire life. He knows, for a fact, that his face is bright red, and there is no coming back from this. He hides behind his hands, praying that the ground will swallow him whole.
It doesn’t.
“And you—changed forms,” Ajax confirms, like that’s a normal thing that people do.
“Yes.”
“So, why—why were you…small?”
“I had used all of my energy in a, hmm, small altercation several months ago, and required more time than expected to recover.”
“And you spent your time as a dragon hanging out with stray cats?”
“I had not intended for that to happen, but I couldn’t resist exploring the city. It had been a long time since I had last wandered the city, and I was curious to see how things had changed.”
“Where were you?”
“Other matters required my attention for some time.”
“How long were you gone that things had time to change? I’ve been here for a couple of years and it’s all the same. Well, except for that one ugly building on campus. I guess things change all the time when I go home to visit, but maybe that’s just because I’ve changed? I’m not sure if that’s the same—fuck, you don’t care. Okay. So. You are…who, exactly?” Ajax attempts to salvage his ramblings, but he may as well give up entirely. Despite all of his bumbling and stupidity, Zhongli’s listening intently, a gentle smile on his lips.
“Several decades, but time passes very differently for me.”
“Ah.”
“I would just like to make it clear that I do care. I’ve rather enjoyed all the stories you told me about Morepesok and Snezhnaya.”
“How do you—huh. Okay.” Ajax was entertaining the concept of Zhongli being his pet ferret for several months, but not in a serious way. More in a theoretical ‘wouldn’t it be funny if…?”, and less in the way that this man was actually listening to the stupid things he’s been saying for months now.
Now it is an actual reality, rather than a theoretical one.
Ajax sighs. “I’m sorry for all the dumb stuff you had to hear over the past little while.” He has a horrible realization. “Oh fuck, and for me getting naked in front of you?! This is awful. I’m so sorry.”
“I tried my best to be respectful,” Zhongli says, and if Ajax isn’t mistaken, there is a flush high on his gorgeous cheekbones.
Well, that’s— “And did you succeed?”
Zhongli looks disappointed as he says, “Yes.”
Ajax, don’t flirt with your shapeshifting pet. Stop it. No matter how hot he is, there are so many levels of wrong here, that—
“Unfortunate.” Ajax slaps himself mentally. A silence falls.
Zhongli is the first to clear his throat and say, “I apologize for all this confusion, and I’m sorry for taking advantage of you like this. I will happily repay—“
Holding out a hand to stop him, Ajax says, “No, no way. I mean, it’s uh, it’s a weird situation, but it was kinda cool having a cute little fer—dragon around. I appreciated the company. This semester was…” He trails off for a moment to make a face, then says, “Well, you know. You were there.”
“It was a little chaotic,” Zhongli says, eyes twinkling.
“Oh god , you were there. I’m sorry for the way that I am. Just—for all of it. Uhhh, do you want something to eat? I might throw it back up later, but you might not?” Ajax skips the mental facepalm and opts for a real one before walking towards the kitchen.
“Would you like me to prepare something instead? You seem—“
“Hung over?”
“Slightly, yes,” Zhongli says, laughing softly.
“Yeah. Not as bad as before. What was in that tea, and where did you get it? I need to have it around.”
“You have everything you need in your kitchen already,” Zhongli explains, following Ajax into the kitchen, having the audacity to smell really fucking good. He was a ferr—dragon up until 12 hours ago. He should not smell this appealing, and should not be this competent.
They spend the day together, after Ajax manages to keep Zhongli’s delicious lunch down, and they have such an easy familiarity that Ajax keeps forgetting the context.
Yes, theoretically, they do know each other fairly well, having lived together for a handful of months, but it was one-sided conversation, and that one side also put Noodle-Zhongli into costumes for his own entertainment.
There’s also the Instagram account, but Ajax would rather die than broach that topic right now. It’s on a long list of things Ajax doesn’t want to discuss, so most of their topics of discussion skirt their relationship and any of this sexual tension that Ajax hopes he’s not making up.
At 8pm, their show comes on, and it feels like everything has returned to normal, except Noodle is now a man Ajax’s size, in Ajax’s hoodie, whose leg is a warm line against Ajax’s own pasty leg. It looks like he hasn’t been outside in 17 years, especially compared to Zhongli’s skin.
“So…question,” Ajax begins, not having thought his words through.
“Yes?” Zhongli replies easily, turning to face Ajax on the couch, and pulling his beautiful thigh away.
“What are you going to do now? Do you have a home? Do you have a job or something?”
Zhongli puts a finger to his chin in thought, golden eyes disappearing in a pensive mist.
“I do have a home, yes, and I have a duty, if you will. I suppose one can call it a job.”
“Ah. I guess you’re going to go home, then?” Ajax asks, and sounds just as pathetic as he was hoping not to be.
After a brief moment in which his brain performed an actual function, Ajax frowns.
“Wait,” he says, before Zhongli can reply. “Is your home far away? Is that why you ended up hanging out here?”
“Ah, well, you see, it’s these fall nights that are quite long, and travel is the way that it is, and—“
It dawns on Ajax that Zhongli hung around for him . “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, especially over the holidays. I mean, you know I’m not going back home, and it would be kinda cool to have company. Unless you have something else to do?”
“I would love to celebrate the holidays with you, and try some of the many specialties you spoke so fondly about,” Zhongli says, and it doesn’t feel like pity. He smiles gently and Ajax takes a moment to meet his eyes and fall into the warmth of them.
“Alright. Let’s do that, then.” For the first time all day, Ajax feels fully at ease, a soft hope fluttering in his chest, a promise of the days to come. He has no idea what is going to happen here, but judging by Zhongli’s gentle smile, it’s going to be good.
When Zhongli heads into Ajax’s bedroom later that night with utmost confidence and familiarity, Ajax stops dead in his tracks. He hadn’t even thought about sleeping arrangements. His heart ratchets up to a solid 200 BPM.
“Are you coming?” Zhongli asks, pulling back the blanket.
“I might be soon,” Ajax mutters under his breath.
Zhongli doesn’t hear, and says, “I think some rest will do you good.”
“Yep, rest. I will sleep so well in my bed.” Ajax walks over and slides into the bed next to Zhongli, who is reclined like a god , draped in Ajax’s sweaty hangover sheets like he’s right at home.
“That, I do know,” Zhongli says, reaching to turn off the light.
Ajax tells his dick to take a hike for the time being, because this is really not the time.
“Good night,” he croaks, speaking to both Zhongli and his own traitorous dick.
“Good night, Ajax,” Zhongli says.
And so it’s settled. Ajax decides he’s going to seduce his former pet.
OMAKE:
Three months later
“Hey, uh, Zhongli, why did your vet slide in my DMs and threaten me for, and I quote, ‘defiling a god’?” Ajax asks, looking up from Instagram.
Zhongli’s hand stops for a fraction of a second on its way to his face. He sips his tea in a calm and measured way, then returns the cup to the table.
“Xiao is rather protective of me.”
“Calling you a god? I mean, that’s some hero worship right there.” Ajax makes a mental note to be jealous later.
“Oh, that’s not a nickname.”
“What, you’re a god?” Ajax laughs, but it peters out when he sees Zhongli’s sheepish smile. “You’re a god ?”
Zhongli sips his tea, still calm, still collected, while Ajax stares off into the middle distance. He bent a god over the kitchen counter last night, and that’s somehow not the weirdest thing he’s experienced in the past three months.
What a life he leads.