Chapter Text
Shen Jia was aware that he was acting on instinct rather than logic.
But he couldn’t help it.
There stood an angry Liu Qingge.
Someone who could overpower the damn lazy System and his seals — seals that were so powerful that only someone with brute force could try to get through. A person that had no qualms on fighting him whenever he wanted. A person that hated Shen Qingqiu — Shen Jiu — to his very core.
Because Shen Qingqiu was a lecherous man. Because Shen Qingqiu was a unrighteous man that used dirty tricks–
Shen Jia didn’t think Liu Qingge would actively try to harm civilian children and put them in danger but…the man never thinks anything through.
He never did. He never listened.
Liu Qingge died. He died at the hands of a failure that was Shen Qingqiu. He died because Shen Qingqiu failed to save him. His Shixiong failed him.
Angry, frustrated tears spilled down his cheeks in helpless streams.
“Don’t you dare die on me, Liu Qingge!”
“I thought you were meant to be stronger than me…”
“I’m sorry…Liu Qingge…” Shen Qingqiu puts his forehead against his Shidi’s forehead. His body was cold.
He stood in front of his martial siblings declaring Liu Qingge's death. He said nothing to defend himself.
He could not protect his shidi so he paid the price. They wouldn’t believe that he didn’t kill him. As disciples he always said that he would kill Liu Qingge and now he did.
Shen Jia used to know violence as a second language as Shen Jiu as Xiao Jiu. He used to hide behind a ruthless and aggressive mask of his, one that did not hesitate to hurt those who mocked him. He knew how to read it. He knew what people experience from both ends. He knew what he felt.
Fear. Anger. Hatred.
His fear was so strong that it coiled around his skin like the chains he used to wear. It tugged and tugged and tugged on his skin whenever he tried to do something against it. He felt fear before and he would always remember it.
Fear breeds anger; anger so blinding that even the most gentle and kindest person would fall victim to it. And so much anger would eventually lead to hatred.
(It was blinding most times. Shen Jia would know. Xiao Jiu used to fear so much that it turned to anger. Shen Jiu had so much anger in him that it too became hatred.)
Anger and hatred go hand and hand.
His martial brother stood tall and Shen Jia was so aware how bad his hits hurt. He knew how much power and force Liu Qingge had behind his swings. And as much as he wished he wasn't, Shen Jia was scared.
Shen Jia was scared.
He could hear his own heartbeat speed up to an unhealthy level, pounding loudly against his ears. His heart beated wildly against his rib cage, in fear for everyone he cared about in the house.
He was scared for the children he raised. He was scared for the woman in his house. He was scared of this man in his house that wanted to cause trouble. He was scared of this man that leaped ahead of him in strength.
He was scared that he wouldn’t be able to stop this man.
Shen Jia was angry for being scared.
He hated being scared of his martial brother. He was supposed to be a senior to this man. He hated how cold he was despite his body sweating. He hated how his hands were shaking, even as he tried to keep them still.
He hated how weak he felt.
It was unfitting for someone of his status. It was unsuitable for a man who was supposed to be the sect's second most powerful Peak Lord and strategist to be weak in his knees.
(Sometimes, he could hear Liu Qingge's voice.
It was always so taunting. It called him weak. It called him unrighteous. It called him a good for nothing scumbag.
And he did nothing about it. He never once brought it up with his other martial siblings. They would mock him, after all.)
It was unnerving to hear the man’s voice again even if he couldn’t understand a single word the man was saying. It was unnerving for the man to talk so long yet not do anything. It was unnerving for a man that burned when he swung his fists to not do anything to the man that he hated. It was unnerving–
A loud noise rang out in the house interrupting him. He glanced at where the noise came from and there he saw…
A-Xiu slapped Liu Qingge.
She slapped him.
(Please don’t hurt her.)
“Leave.” She hissed out, her voice rigid and cold. Shen Jia knew she wasn’t going to back down despite the man in front of her being stronger.
(It was fine if it was him. Don’t hurt her. Please don’t hurt the woman he has grown to care for. Please don’t hurt his sister—)
And…and Liu Qingge did leave.
Liu Qingge left on his own accord.
Shen Jia never saw the man back away from anything. Absolutely nothing.
He couldn’t remember his martial brother ever doing something like that. He was supposed to burn, he was supposed to hurt, he was supposed to take his anger out on Shen Qingqiu. His martial brother was supposed to be loud and aggressive. He was supposed to shout and call him weak for hiding behind a woman.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. W-
“Qinqin?”
Now she knew why Qinqin wanted her and the twins to stay at his house.
He had fools for martial brothers.
She could clearly see the guilt in the Sect Leader’s eyes like he hadn’t communicated properly.
And now this one was standing over Qinqin like some peacock yelling at him — who was obviously scared. He was angry too, she could see it in his eyes and how his hands trembled.
A fool the man was. He dared to make rude comments about the woman that bore her friend's children. How dare he insult the woman her friend loved dearly.
Madam Shen wasn’t a prostitute. She was obviously a noble woman with a high ranking that was only struck with tragedy. Even if she was a prostitute, what does this peacock have any say in how she earns money?
She may not know the woman personally but in her place, she slapped the man. It was the least she could do.
The dead shouldn’t be disrespected.
The peacock left, at least he still had the capacity to think instead of acting like a wild animal. If he hadn’t, she wouldn’t hesitate to beat the man to the ground.
She turned back to Qinqin who was kneeling on the floor, his lovely green robes wrinkled. His expression was utterly blank of emotion.
“Qinqin?”
She didn’t like that expression.
There were a few moments where Qinqin acted like that before he snapped back. Just a few moments.
He usually stared at nothing, eyes empty like a dead fish, quiet and blank and seemingly dead if not for the sound of his breathing.
Sometimes it felt like Qinqin was slipping away. Like he wasn’t there, drowning away in his own thoughts that he couldn’t even focus on reality. The man could wander around in a daze, not registering anything happening around him.
She didn’t like that expression one bit.
“Qinqin, it’s A-Xiu.” Hazy green eyes met hers. His eyes were a little more focused, this time, even if just a little bit.
“A-Xiu is here, Qinqin. Everything is fine, the man is gone now.” He remained deftly silent, staring into her eyes. The light took a few seconds before deciding to shine again in his green eyes.
“…A-Xiu,” She didn’t like the way Qinqin's voice was hoarse and raw.
“I’m here, Qinqin.”
(Qinqin was also a bit of a fool too. What was the use of telling her and his children to hide away? A-Xiu was here to help.)
A-Yuan knew something was wrong.
Everything was wrong.
He knew that he wasn’t supposed to be in a room with his brother A-Xuan alone.
His Baba(?) looks familiar, of course he would. Why wouldn’t he be?
Sometimes he looked at his Bàba and thought he should have milky green eyes instead of having vibrant green ones. Sometimes he stared at his brother, A-Xuan, and couldn't help but feel wary of his brother. He didn’t have a brother named A-Xuan, except he did. His Jiejie, he thinks, was someone new despite knowing the women his whole life.
The feeling of wrongness intensified when he was introduced to his uncles. He didn’t like their funny faces! A-Xuan didn’t either; he made fun of the tall, big man mostly. They made Bàba sad, he thinks. A-Yuan didn’t like them.
Everything was wrong.
A-Yuan knew something is wrong when he heard screaming and yelling and everything was loud–
A-Xuan comforted him, his angry face a familiar sight to A-Yuan.
The screaming was gone now but that didn’t erase the uneasy feeling in A-Yuan’s stomach. Where was his Bàba? Where was Jiejie? Why was A-Yuan alone with his brother?
(Da-ge would know what to do. Where is he? Da-ge…Da…ge…)
A-Yuan felt sleepy.
[Error. Error.]
[Reconnecting…]
[Fixing User’s memory in progress…]
[9…10…40…70…80..99..]
[100%.]
Shen Jia could hear small footsteps coming his way. “Bàba.” A-Xuan callled out.
“A-Yuan’s ‘sleep.” A-Xuan small mean face greeted him. He was a wonderful boy, not sickly or anything. Healthy and loud when he wanted to be. Quiet otherwise. (He was so much like Xiao Jiu yet so different.)
“Everythin’ o-kay?” He hugged A-Xuan.
The boy squirmed but eventually hugged him back.
Shen Jia wanted to be with him for as long as he could.
“Bàba ‘kay?”
“I’m fine, my love.” He blinked back his tears, his son’s embrace was warm. Mom used to hug him like this.
And there was now no one to dance with him, to hold his hand, grasp his shoulder and sway with him to a song.
“Does A-Xuan want to hear about Mama?” A-Xuan smiled.
Shen Jia smiled back.
Everything was okay, for now. It was fine.