Chapter Text
Jungkook was tough enough to let you have your space for the last couple of weeks, he figured it was the least he could do after possibly ruining your job–
Fuck
He feels so guilty, mind full of guilt, of you, you, you. He needs to make things right, but he doesn't even know where to start. He has so many things he wants to tell you, but the way that all came crashing down scared him. How things went from zero to a hundred real quick made him think of how everything in life is bound to be ruined.
Is he having second thoughts about this whole thing? Is Jungkook settling down for possible disappointment in the future? Is whatever that’s going on between you two even worth a shot….are things going to work out for you both in the end or is it going to be a constant push and pull?
“Eomma?” Jungkook says softly, holding the hand of his mother, she lay there with pale skin and a few wrinkles. He hasn't visited her for a while, he hasn't because he was busy and he feels extra guilty now. Times like these are when he wishes she were conscious and awake to wrap him in an embrace lifting all the weight of his burdens, his problems. He just can't seem to do anything right?
Jungkook scoffs, wiping the lone tear that rolls down his face, he was being pathetic he needs to get a grip.
“I promise ill visit you more eomma, Im sorry I’ve been a bad son, I love you okay?” he says, leaving kisses on her hand, and one on her forehead before he signs the visit charts and greets the nurses on his way out.
Man
At this moment he didn’t want to mention it but Jungkook just needed comfort, and the only person conscious that could provide him with it, is not within reach. Fuck, why couldn't he just mind his business? Why couldn’t he just walk away? He pictured himself seeing your sweet smile as he gave you your coffee, sweet kisses all over his cheek as if he hadn’t said or done anything.
But fuck! He was not going to let that slide, ever.
He wouldn't let anyone talk bad about you even in his grave, never.
It’ll cost you your job so be it, yes he knows how important it was for you, how much you went on hours talking about that internship or being the first journalist to ever publish a story of her own about urban planting, and some weird plant machine that you ramble on about. God were you so passionate, so hard working. Just the type of girl he’d….
“Jungkook, hello?” Taehyung exclaims, popping a fry into his mouth as he sits across from him in the random restaurant he chose to meet him up at. Jungkook snaps out of his daze, again he zones out and his mind is just….you, you, you-
“Trouble in paradise?” Taehyung raises an eyebrow, stealing a sip of Jungkook’s milkshake.
Jungkook freezes, eyes snapping up to Taehyung’s, “How’d you guess?” he says in a scoff, stretching and straightening back up on the chair he’s slumped on, horrible posture.
“She was my best friend before you came along,” Tae whistles, nonchalantly taking a sip of his water, looking down at his screen for a second before he shuts his phone, attention back on Jungkook.
“You also visited your mom, you do that when you’re having a hard time, plus…..” He pauses and eyes him with a grimace.
“You look like shit and your shirt doesn't match the rest of your outfit- it’s quite hideous honestly…” Jungkook grumbles at this, grabbing his jacket from the seat until Taehyung cackles out an apology. He wasn’t wrong, but Taehyung was such a jackass he didn't have the capacity to sit through his stupid and (rude) micro analyzation of him.
“If it makes you feel any better she’s in there looking ten times worse, and no she’s not sulking about the possibility of losing her job because newsflash….” he makes dramatic jazz hands “She didn’t” he grins, and Jungkook sighs in relief.
“In my humble opinion…… she was dramatic because why would a doll like her lose a job at a male-dominated company run by idiots…..?” he asks rhetorically Jungkook opens his mouth to speak but Taehyung cuts him off.
“Because she’s hot! so the bitch basically freaked out for nothing and your fight was for nothing,” Jungkook scowls at Taehyung.
It was deeper than that though, the fight was a probably stupid emotional response to the newfound spark between you too.
“You don't know when to shut up huh?” He glares, hand gripping the glass to bring it to his lips.
“How do you know all of this anyways,? thought she wanted to keep things lowkey” he mumbles the last part, mostly to himself but nonetheless Taehyung hears it and chuckles.
“Im not the idiot you take me to be, plus I got it out of her,” and that makes much more sense to Jungkook as he nods along.
“You guys have major communication problems and I just feel like one heartfelt conversation with the both of you right now will make pigs fly so for the love of god, go visit her,” He rolls his eyes, eyes back on his phone as Jungkook gives him a dirty look.
Fuck he's right
But Jungkook would be the last person on earth to admit that to him, and Taehyung basically dragged both of you through the mud he wasn’t having it anymore.
“I don’t want to reach out, because if she wanted to she would’ve,” Jungkook shrugs, of course, he doesn’t think that, but he didn’t want to admit how scared he was of the possible rejection.
“She said she wanted you, why are you doubting her?” Taehyung says, eyes still on his screen as he regards Jungkook with a question that has his eyes squinting.
“Don’t you trust her? Feelings don't disappear in a week…” he states matter-of-factly, giving Jungkook a long and hard stare and he feels his heart clench for a second.
What was really the problem here, they can look past this fight, and if Jungkook wasn’t so-
“What? You’re too scared for you two actually be something or are you still concerned about the fight?” Taheyung asks and Jungkooks mouth dries up, eyes darting down as he contemplates the question.
Was he scared to commit to you? Was he scared of things getting worse?
Fuck yes, he was, fuck….
“Jungkook”
Jungkook shakes his head looking back up at Taehyung with softer eyes, ones that resemble a porcelain doll, doed and so delicate it can crack anytime. “I wonder if…..I wonder if we’re just fated to go downhill from here, im scared Taehyung” he whispers and sighs, unfallen tears welling up in his eyes.
Yeah,
Damn
Being with you was easy, so easy, that it scares him.
“Is it really love if you don't worry about losing them?” Taehyung asks and Jungkook stiffens, an overwhelming feeling crashing down on him and he thinks he's either blind or that the tears he’s shading restrict his vision.
“Is it really love if you don't worry about losing them?”
Damn
Fuck ,fuck fuck….
“Don’t overthink it yeah, go talk to her I think it’ll both do you some good,” Taehyung gives an encouraging smile, passing some napkins over to teary-eyed Jungkook, he doesn't make fun of him for it nor does he bring it up ever.
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Mia and Hoseok are hosting again, a camping trip down in townhill. Camping around the fireplace before they bid the autumn season goodbye. It was truly a good time with peppermint-flavoured tea, mittens and coats out. Warming up hands around the fireplace while roasting marshmallows is truly the epitome of the fall season blending into the winter holiday. You had a warm smile on your face as you watched the couple in front of you, your heart filled with warmth and longing.
Mia was currently warmly tucked into Hoseok’s embrace, sharing smiles and flirtatious banter. It made you look away when you felt the burning sensation on your waterline, only to see Namjoon with his new girlfriend, sharing a blanket, eyes looking down at the marshmallow you were roasting.
Shit, you burned it, quickly you turn it the other way and pull it back, grabbing another marshmallow as you wallow on your chair, pulling the coat tighter around you wishing a certain warmth was here with you right now.
Man
You miss him, how did you find yourself in this situation again? A situation where you and Jungkook could not get a break from having a happy ending? You just wished things were simpler, you wish you were simpler, Jungkook was simpler, but life wasn't simple and from here it's just going to get worse.
Is it even worth it-…..
Is it worth all this push and pull, all these confusing signals and miscommunications? If you and Jungkook were to make this work will it last? You just wish things were as simple as him wrapping you in his arms and kissing the shit out of you right now. You don't want to think negatively because deep down in your heart you know that you and Jungkook will never be happy if not…..together.
At least you feel that way…
You shouldn't doubt Jungkook but sitting in the same vicinity as him without much as a glance at you all night really stings your heart. You guess he's just giving you the space you asked for, but it still hurts. You didn't even end up losing your job, but you definitely got an increase in workload because you haven't seen anything but words on a document for the past couple of weeks. There are heavy bags under your eyes, your brains heavy with so many fucking words from articles and shit it was ridiculous. But you’d argue that the bigger thing or rather person taking up your mind right now would be the very same man approaching you in the kitchen.
You decided to escape and get some water, pulling the cardigan on you tighter while you drink from the cup.
The shuffle of feet catches your attention, you don’t nudge your head up challenging your instincts rather indulging in your curiosity. Or perhaps…you know exactly who those steps belong to. Sounds crazy but the way you know this man down to his steps is a sign of how much you spent time memorizing him, learning not only his brain but his actions. The way he ruffles his hair back, a puff of air leaving his pouty lips when he's frustrated, or when he touches the back of his ear out of nervousness, or embarrassment. Rosy cheeks naturally but they get tens times redder when he’s teased or put on the spot.
You really have him all memorized or at least you think you do, you hope you can learn more too.
At first, you don't make any eye contact, simply watching his feet get closer…and closer..and closer until he was really fucking close, toes almost touching your own.
“Hey, you,” he says and you look up slowly, breaking into a small grin as he keeps his lip tucked under his teeth, he looks so cute. Red nose and rosy cheeks from the cold and it has you folding instantly, wanting to reach up and ruffle up the hair he’d manage to grow out and god, did he look so cuddly.
You missed the warmth and you could almost die from the close proximity but lack of touch, he has you going crazy.
You guess time does that to a person, time apart from someone you—he has you going crazy for sure.
Fuck
“Hi”
“You cold?”
“Nah.”
He pins you with a gaze that has you grinning, he sees right through your bullshit and he knows this, that's why he’s ready to offer his sweater so fast.
He always knew how to read you well, knows your body language, knows how to figure out if you're frustrated or not, cold or not. That’s just who he is, he had a knack for reading people easily and you guess it’s one of the things that had you so scared to face him the last couple of weeks, nobody but Jungkook would be able to tell the feelings of longing and hurt in you than him.
That’s probably why you were scared of being vulnerable with him as well from the beginning, but you can trust him. You know this. He knows this.
“Imma give you my hoodie,” he mumbles hands reaching down to take off the layer, and you stop him nodding your head no.
“What?”
“It’s just..”
You don’t know how to explain to him that you would rather have his warmth over any piece of polyester ever. Rather have his smile warm you up, his hands on your face, cradling your jaw with his delicate palm, thumb caressing your cheek as he goes in for the kiss.
Jungkook was like that, a soft and delicate lover. The type to take his time, softly building up the suspense while his fingers feather your collarbones, up your neck and to your jaw, eyes soft with adoration and tenderness that had you shaking from nervousness. He was the type of lover who would put his own comfort in jeopardy before yours, and you guess this is why you feel so safe with him. This is why his warmth offers more heat than a sweater can.
It was a different type of warmth a sweater could never offer, never compare. Not even close. It wraps around your heart and pumps an endless amount of bliss to your veins, and wraps around you as a whole.
You bite your lip, anxiously reaching for his hand to stop him from any further movement, Jungkook raises his eyebrows and you look up giving him the sweetest smile, he thinks. He hasn’t seen that in you for a while, he fucking missed it too.
“It's that, I-” you pause looking up at his eyes for any discomfort when your hands wrap around his middle and Jungkook’s eyes widen.
You go for it because you are done playing games, you just want to peacefully be with this man.
“I’d much rather be warm this way….” you say and you trail your hands up his torso to his neck and wrap yourself around him, not being able to keep this stupid facade of pretending you don't want him, you really much would prefer he invade your space.
You hear Jungkook chuckle, wrapping his own hands around your frame, lifting you off the floor as you squeal.” Im gonna fall,” you squeak when Jungkook shakes you side to side.
“Thought you needed space huh,” he huffs, voice sarcastic, as you wrap your legs around him, sighing into the juncture of his neck, he was so fucking warm, just the warmth you needed.
“Not for this long asshole” you grumble pulling his face harder against you and he stumbles back, grabbing the counter to ground him and you timidly apologise, ready to get off when he tightens an arm around your thighs setting you down on the marble counter behind him.
This is all you’ve wanted.
The cabin lighting gave Jungkook’s face a good glow and you can't help but run a hand down his beautiful features, laughing lightly when he takes your fingers between his lips.
“Ew,” you giggle, wiping his saliva on your shirt, forehead bumping into his own and your eyes stare right into his starry ones. You miss the feeling of having his eyes on your own, so beautiful and brown so deep and gentle, just like the way your heart feels right now, puddy and grossly overwhelmed with feelings of him, and how he makes you so soft.
Heart beating against his own a thousand times stronger, and louder, you can feel the dreaded conversation coming ahead, you don't want to talk right now, you just want to hug and kiss him enough to make up for the time you didn't get too, you just want to feel the warmth, the safeness you do when he was around when you were in his embrace.
Fuck you are so fucked, so fucking fucked.
“Missed you” you whine slightly, pecking his forehead tenderly and you can feel his heart skip a beat against your own.
“Fucking missed you too baby” he breathes and you smile. You and he were okay, okay, for now, you both knew you didn't have to talk right now because this was enough, way more than enough.
Indulging in a sweet kiss, getting yelled at by Taehyung to get a room, and sleeping in each other’s embrace was enough for now, for tonight you tell yourself as you snuggle deeper into his naked chest.
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
When you can hear the mockingbird chirp and sing its beautiful song outside, is when you know that it’s too early for any human to be up. But you are, arms limp by your sides, Jungkook’s back facing you, you don't know how you moved around throughout the night to end up almost falling off the bed, but Jungkook moves a lot in his sleep. He sleeps heavily too. Slowly you wrap your arms around him, head falling into the juncture of his shoulder and neck. You think you just heard the bird chirp louder, as if scolding you for potentially risking Jungkook’s sleep, but you couldn't stay away much longer.
You probably woke up because you didn't feel him anymore, didn’t feel the smooth texture of his skin, or the stubble of unshaved hair on his face. It was rather calm this morning, spooning him as your heart relaxes from the sweet sound of his even breaths, limbless body moving up and down in his sleep.
It made you reminisce about the easy days back in college when you'd have random boyfriends sleep over, only worrying about the next due dates, chirping with the blue jays in the morning, and staying up all night until the next day’s sunrise. Life was easier then, days of adulthood came too fast, erasing your youth days way too quickly. Days of due dates and frat parties faded into bills, and grocery lists. Being forced to grow up and do taxes, get a job, and keep up with bills was no way to live. So people tend to have an outlet to escape it all.
These days you can’t help but think that your outlet may not be writing anymore. They always said if you make your hobby your job, get a new hobby. Perhaps that's where you went wrong, making writing your job.
You don’t feel that bliss anymore, that feeling of weight lifting off your shoulders when you would turn to your journal or laptop, writing down prompts and poems as creatively and freely as your mind could offer. But now the decline of happiness from doing as much as writing a sentence does not entice you, nor does it fulfill you anymore.
You guess that you outgrow things as an adult, viewing life as more of a realistic aspect beyond your dreams and ambitions. Yours wore out anyways, being rejected and declined from internships and jobs, has defeated you as a whole. You think you’re ready to close this chapter of your life, maybe finally use your degree to get a boring desk job. Economics pays a lot, you wouldn't struggle with making ends meet and you would be able to afford luxuries you weren't able to before.
You hug Jungkook tighter, digging your face into his neck as you sigh, and it comes out trembled. Your hands explore his tummy, feeling the faint abs and pecs. He stirs and you silently curse yourself for clinging onto him, it was way too early. Turning you grab your phone from the nightstand, checking the time that reads 5:08 am.
God damn, way too early.
Jungkook was an early bird naturally, but this is the only time he gets in these next few days before he can't sleep in without consequences.
“Mmm,” he hums sluggishly. His hands tug around your waist pulling you tight into him and you freeze, biting down on your lip.
“Sorry” you whisper, apologizing for waking him up this early. You hear him hum once more, craning your neck you see his eyes shut, lines from the pillow imprinted onto his face that's all red and puffy from sleep.
Cute.
“S’okay, what's up?” he says, still eyes closed and you think he's hanging onto the sleep that’s starting to leave him, so you shush him, laying your hands on top of his that's flat against your stomach. They were warm.
“No, what's wrong?” he tries again, one eye open this time, desperately fighting off the sleep that awaits him, eyelashes fluttering every couple of seconds to train his eyes on you.
How did he know–
You giggle, “It’s okay kook, sleep your eyes are begging to be shut.”
“Okay ok but just know the second im up your spilling” he raises an eyebrow, or tries to and you just look at him nodding. Of course, he knew something was up, even in his sleep he can read you so well. Before you can respond he’s deep into his slumber, snoring into the juncture of your neck and you nuzzle deeper into him.
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
Jungkook can feel your eyes on him, can feel your lips softly pecking his neck and wonders if you’ve been awake this whole time since you both woke up. It was still early because Jungkook could hear birds chirping, so he snuggles deeper into you, and your hands sneak onto his lower abdomen and squeeze.
“You up?”
“Mhmm” he rasps.
“You?”
“Mm yeah,” you say, and it's quiet for a moment, a very long moment. It was nice though, the cabin was nice and cozy, the birds gave it kind of a melancholy feeling and you spooning him was probably the highlight of it all. It was very intimate, something he hasn’t experienced in a while with you. Basking in each other's warmth, and just as Jungkook thinks his heart couldn't be warmer, you snuggle up closer burying your face into his back.
“You have too many muscles back here sir,” you muffle, and he puffs. A grin made it's way up his face.
“Yeah, come face me then.”
You giggle, and Jungkook thinks he can hear the mischief in your voice, and he most certainly feels your hand trailing down his back, to his-
“You better not,” he warns, and you chuckle.
“I think I like feeling up on your ass though too much,” you grin, hand grabbing down on his ass. Jungkook groans, his own hand reaching back to stop you.
“Im not playing,” he scowls, and you turn into a fit of giggles, kicking the comforter off, you make a move to get up and move on the other side of Jungkook, on the way down his hands manage to grab your bum and you squeal as you throw your leg around him, hands wrapping around his neck.
“Hey” you breathed.
“Hi”
The sweetest smile on your face and Jungkook suddenly has the urge to kiss you stupidly, but he just can’t seem to break away from the trance of your stare, it was telling him everything. Jungkook thinks he can read you pretty well, but not right now. Not with the way your eyes seem to have trouble, a slight fray in the way of your star lite eyes. He then remembers you walking up a couple of hours ago, he could hear you thinking in his sleep, he could hear the strain of your voice and the unfathomable trouble it seemed to hold.
“Hmm” he raises an eyebrow and your hands tighten around him.
“Why’d you wake up so early?”
“I don't know” you whisper, and Jungkook sees your smile falter at the corners, a little bit. You lean in and kiss his lips, once, twice, the fifth time he playfully turns so you end up kissing his cheek instead. You scowl.
“Hmm, something wrong?” he asks timidly and you sigh, Jungkook can physically feel you melt into the mattress, arms loose, and leg unwrapping from his own. He thinks this is your way of mentally preparing what you wanna say, filtering out want you want to reveal and not to him. He knows you are smart, he also knows that you hate burdening people, so you always end up bottling up the most painful part of your struggles, letting it light a fire within you and let it burn down slowly, all alone.
He doesn’t want you doing that, especially not with him. You are deep in thought, bottom lip bitten and eyes focused in on his hair, hands softly pulling and curling some.
“I wanna know, if you wanna tell me” no pressure, his voice was as soft as it could go and as gentle as it came, he almost missed it himself.
“I- I guess im just having doubts about my future, and what I truly want in it,” Jugkook ignores how his heart freezes and clenches. He ignores the way his body flinches at your statement and nods asking you to continue.
Man.
He really hopes you aren't questioning him, cause he's devoted to you all the way, He can only hope you know that too.
You take a deep breath, “I just, I don’t know what I want from life anymore, I don't know if writing was the best decision for me,” you take another shaky breath and this has Jungkook’s eyes creasing, and heart hurting for you. He knows the feeling.
Jungkook wonders if you’ve only started to feel this way after his fight with your co-workers, maybe they're giving you a hard time and it has you demotivated.
Your love for writing was so indescribably passionate, he would be damned to let some you ruin it for yourself.
“Why are they giving you a hard time at the office? Because if it’s that's the reason then im ready to-”
“No, no. It’s not, I promise.” A sad smile replaces your pretty pout and Jungkook feels you squeeze his bicep in reassurance.
“I don’t know, I was thinking of getting a job in the market, maybe putting my economics degree to good use” You try to joke but Jungkook doesn’t laugh, nor do you. Almost as if you forced those words.
And you did.
It was a beat of silence, small breaths, and the sun shone directly through the room now, linen curtains doing nothing to conceal it and it falls directly on your curls. Beautiful ebony locks that come out as auburn with the sun's rays, eyes focused on his own, chest pressed right onto his, both legs entangled. If Jungkook could make this moment here his full-time job, his passion, his everything? He wouldn't bat an eye to answering yes. Wouldn’t hesitate because it would make him happy, just like his current jobs do.
So he waits a moment, takes a second to part hair out of your face and cradles your jaw in his palm, thumb softly grazing your cheekbone.
“Is it going to make you happy?” it was a whisper, but an impactful one. He sees you process the words, brain gearing, and then your smile falters, slowly you come to your senses and you don't verbally respond so you go for nodding no, forehead pressed against his.
“Im scared Jungkook, I fear that I- that I genuinely have no purpose or ambitions and it's scary,” you sigh, voice above a whisper. That's the beauty of life though, of being lost and finding yourself again through trial and error, trying out new things and revisiting old ones Jungkook thinks, so he smiles. Not because he's happy but because he knows you better than yourself.
It’s a slump, being in a slump is no joke.
“Baby, that's not true. One way or another you are on this earth for a reason, whether that is to be a writer or not. It’s okay if you don’t feel like how you shoulder want right now, but remember you have to rest, get up and try again because writing is your passion…right?” he asks and you nod.
“Nothing else makes me that happy…” You trail off and Jungkook nods.
“Nothing else huh,” he teases.
“You already know what's first though….” Jungkook raises an eyebrow, giving you a confused expression.
“What’s first?” he feigns confusion.
You slump into his chest, pinching his belly button slightly, “You know dummy” your voice muffled, buried in his chest.
You sit up slightly, “Maybe I should make you my full-time job and passion,” you smirk.
“Why,” Jungkook lays back on his back, stretching out his tangled and knotted limbs. Arms stretched out behind his head he takes another look at you, and you roll your eyes, he can see you squirm and groan.
“Because you… you make me the most happiest girl ever,” you hide your face into his shoulder, and Jungkook chuckles.
“Ewwww” he teases you even further, and you reach down and slap his abdomen.
“Wouldn’t that make me a sugar daddy, technically?” he asks and you toss your hair back, attempting to tame it back in place.
“No, because I wouldn’t take any money from you,” you shrug, turning away but Jungkook could see the little smirk that threaten to escape you.
Little shit.
“Yeah, what would you want then,” a finger is placed on his lips, shushing his mouth which can get very dirty, very fast and there was only one direction this conversation was going.
“Umm, I have a question…” you trail off, and Jungkook lays his hands on your thigh, urging you to go on.
“Are we…”
He knows what you’re going to ask, eyes wide and cautious he thinks you're the most precious thing ever. So before you even finish the sentence he brings you down for a kiss, nothing sexual but it was soft, timid, and everything sweet. A prolonged peck.
“We’re okay, baby,”.
He thinks he loves you….most definitely.
“You also make me the most happiest, ever.”