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Rose Apothecary is enjoying its busiest day yet. There have been lines out the door since the opening rush, with people from all over the Greater Elms and rural Ontario pouring into town this week. After ringing up the last customer in line with no one in sight beyond the storefront windows, Patrick sighs in relief. He swipes a green juice from the fridge and leans forward against the cash, laughing out loud when he catches their front counter display. David has pushed the lip balms a nearly imperceptible quarter inch ahead of the lavender breath mints. He’d compromised with Patrick on allowing them next to the cash but David is still David. For all his talk about everything needing to be in its proper place, he's just as competitive in his own way and fuck does Patrick love everything about him.
After a brief two minute rest, he decides to take advantage of the lull to do a quick sweep before updating inventory. He’s only made it halfway around the center island when the clicking of heels on the pavement outside announces someone’s arrival just ahead of the chime of the door.
“Hiiii.” Alexis swoops in wearing yet another Singles Week t-shirt, equipped with the clipboard that’s been glued to her since the start of the event.
“Hey, Alexis,” he says looking up before he resumes his sweeping. As unpredictable as his boyfriend’s sister can be, the one constant is that visits from her mean there won’t be any sales to make. “How’d you manage to tear yourself away from the masses? I’ve hardly had time to get anything done here.”
“Youuu are welcome.” Alexis does a ridiculous shimmy that’s uncomfortably reminiscent of his boyfriend.
Patrick shakes his head and chuckles. “David’s on a run to the bank, by the way, if you were hoping to catch him.”
“No, yeah, I saw him leave.” She flips her hair back dismissively before following Patrick around the floor. “I only have, like, a thirty minute break before the mixer so I’ll make this quick but I. have. amazing. news.” She punctuates each word with a tap of her finger on the clipboard.
“Yeah?” Patrick asks as he crouches to reach the broom under the bookcase against the wall. “What’s that?”
“We just had a proposal at our creek side picnic!”
Patrick raises a surprised brow at that. “A proposal of… marriage? Four days in?”
“Um, yes, Patrick. Of marriage.” She swats his arm. “Love is in the air. Me and Ted. You and David. It’s, like, catching or whatever.” Alexis shrugs her shoulders up to her ears as she hugs the clipboard to her chest.
“Huh. Well, that’s great… for the event. And for you. Congratulations!” He nods approvingly despite his eyes betraying his incredulity.
“Um, thank you, Patrick. But this isn’t just good for me. It’s good for us!”
Patrick cocks his head to the side in confusion. “How’s that?”
She sets the clipboard down and takes a deep breath. “We,” she wags a finger between the two of them, “are hosting the first ever Singles Week Wedding because after a brilliant suggestion by moi” Alexis clasps her hands under her chin and performs what can only be described as a drumroll with her lashes, “the happy couple has personally requested that Rose Apothecary host the wedding!” Alexis jumps up and down and claps her hands, giggling.
Patrick immediately stops sweeping and stands up straight to face Alexis, broom propped up under his hand. “I don’t… I don’t follow.”
“Mina Olson is one of the brides.” Alexis nods, wide eyed and tilting her head toward the hidden bathroom supplies section two feet away from them.
“Wait, Olson as in our plunger vendor?”
“As in heiress to the Olson plunger empire of Elmington? Yes. So money is no object. She said so herself.”
Patrick sets the broom aside and crosses his arms, taking in Alexis’s news. “I mean… that’d be great for the store, Alexis. But we’re extraordinarily busy this week as it is. Besides, I’d have to talk to David about this first and foremost. You know last minute things can really set him off.”
“Patrick.” Alexis steps forward and grabs his arms by the elbows. “If you play this right, you and David can make a small fortune.” She shakes him slightly then and the ferocity in her gaze and grip makes him wonder, albeit briefly, if he’ll need to arm himself with the cedar wood broom. “This event could go viral. I don’t trust anyone else in this town to pull it off.” Her expression morphs into something more hopeful. “I could prove myself.”
And how can he not sympathize when he witnessed the same warring insecurity, determination, and hope in Alexis’s eyes reflected in David’s own when they were opening the store.
Patrick looks at the floor and sighs before looking back up at Alexis, nodding. “I’ll, um… I’ll talk to David.” He raises a hand just in time to pause her celebration. “I won't push him into anything he isn’t comfortable with… but I will talk to him.”
Alexis’s face breaks open into a blinding smile from ear to ear. “Ohmygodyay!” She throws her arms around his neck and squeezes. “I always knew you were a button.”
“I cannot believe this big little B!” David stomps into town hall with his reluctant boyfriend in tow.
Patrick's head is hung low with hands shoved into his pockets. They both stop short when they find Alexis at the podium speaking to the crowd of singles.
“David, come on, she’s running an event.” Patrick pleads with him.
David spins around with his face twisted in annoyance. “And we were running our business when the sneaky little witch tried to manipulate you into this!” he scream-whispers.
Patrick places his hands on his hips and furrows his brow. “Are you saying I’m easily manipulated, David?”
“Patrick, honey. You’re nice,” David gestures to him with both hands, “and the Roses are a fly trap for nice.”
“So, you trapped me?”
“Yes.” David nods with his entire body as though it’s painfully obvious and Patrick doesn’t get it.
The amusement in Patrick’s eyes dims slightly as they grow bigger- fonder, if possible, and he pulls David’s hands to his chest. “First of all,” he gives David a quick, chaste peck, “I don’t feel trapped. I feel privileged.” David rolls his eyes affectionately as he grunts an mmm. “Secondly, I can handle Alexis. You don’t have to protect me from anyone. Besides, David, has it occurred to you that maybe I’m starting to love your family, too?”
David’s face is half grimace half smirk. “Well that’s… I don’t know what that means for our relationship when you just said it to me.”
“It means I’ve been in love with you for a long time, David.” His face goes impossibly soft and Patrick kisses him again. “Come on.” He reaches for his hand to lead him out. “We’ll find a better time to talk to her. Let’s go home. I’ll draw a bath.”
They’re making their way to the parking lot when they hear the whine of the metal door behind them swinging shut.
“What the ef, David!” Alexis storms toward them. “You were being so loud in there!”
David whips around despite his hand still clutching Patrick’s. “You’re lucky Patrick stopped me from going up there and snatching out your extensions the way you did to my Diva Star Barbie!” David’s hands are flying every which way, undoing all of Patrick’s efforts to calm him just moments ago.
“Ugh, David, I was four.” Alexis stomps her heeled foot. “Wait, are you mad?”
“You knew I would be! Why else would you talk to Patrick behind my back?”
“Maybe because he knows how to talk to you and I didn’t want to be there for all of this,” she circles her bangled hand in front of David’s anxious form, “before you got over yourself and realized how good this would be for your store.”
“I think I - we, can decide what’s good for our store, thank you very much.” He reaches out and paws at Patrick’s shoulder gently, apologetically, his touch completely contradictory to the scathing tone in his voice. “That is not your call.”
“Oh my god, David, don’t you want to, like, redeem yourself after that super tacky baby shower you threw Jocelyn?”
“Jump rope with a live wire. I had three hours to plan that! But thank you for making my point for me. I don’t want to put my name on something else that’s just thrown together.”
“David, you have three days!”
When David doesn’t respond, instead looking at her in open mouthed disbelief, Alexis balls up her fists at her sides and let’s out an angry groan worthy of a bridge troll before immediately centering herself again. “Look. I’m sorry I volunteered you with like, no notice but you and Patrick have all the connections to bring together an upscale event that will blow everyone’s minds and bring attention to your store. There’s no budget, David! So, like, why are you here instead of calling your vendors already?”
David looks over at Patrick, his stubbornness slowly giving way to the excitement of what this could do for their business. For them.
Patrick doesn’t waiver, solid as ever; his partner in business and in love. He gives a small, encouraging shrug. “It’s your call, babe. I have no doubt that you can pull this off- that we can, but whatever you decide to do, and however things turn out if we go for it, I’m with you.” And there it is. The one thing David needed. To know that Patrick is in this with him no matter what it means for their bottom line.
“Fine.” He crosses his arms and sniffs. “We’ll do it.”
“Yes, David!” Alexis reaches out to boop him but he bats her hand out of the way.
“Get your phone out and write this down.” David’s entire demeanor changes as he stands upright and gets down to business, rattling off instructions to Alexis. “Make sure the event space, tables, chairs and sound equipment are taken care of and I’ll do the rest. I’m going to be very busy so do not call unless it’s an emergency. The store is already over capacity with singles week merch and I’ll need to set up HQ at the motel so stay at Ted’s.”
“Ugh. Fine, David. But don’t bother pushing the beds together.” She points accusingly from David to Patrick with both hands. “The motel doesn’t have King size sheets.”
“That’s okay,” David snips. “Patrick’s bed is a King. He has several sets at home.”
“Ew, David! Do not have sex on my bed!”
“I’m gonna go wait in the car.” Patrick walks away quickly, leaving the Rose siblings squabbling over whether something David will be profiting from counts as a ‘selfish’ in front of town hall.
He just makes it to the car door when he hears his name. “Oh, hey, Patrick!” Alexis calls out and David has murder in his eyes. “If you need any wedding inspo, the binder David made in college is in the closet!” Patrick turns an even deeper shade of crimson than David, whose face contorts but no sound comes out.
David and Patrick spend the next forty-eight hours working tirelessly out of room eight. Patrick negotiates deals with their vendors as David hand selects every item they’ll provide for the wedding.
With Stevie running the store for them at the steep price of her weight in wine, it’s a blur of phone calls, vendor trips, take out, and late nights working perfectly in tandem as they have since the day Patrick brought in the business license.
They take advantage of the privacy of course, pushing the tv stand in front of the connecting door and enjoying David’s perfectly suitable twin bed more times than they can count.
David reaches out to their personal care vendors for sample size containers of body milk, eucalyptus under eye serum, unisex cologne, massage oil- and after a heated debate, which leads to a much needed break in David’s bed, lip balm and lavender breath mints for the Rose Apothecary swag bags to be gifted to the paying guests as a way to promote their store.
David finds the idea of charging people to attend the wedding unbelievably gauche. However, thanks to Ronnie, who makes Patrick jump through hoops for a liquor license only to decline the application, they’ll need to charge a cover fee if they want to serve alcohol.
Their extensive planning results in an immersive romance and luxury experience the singles week attendees are so willing to pay for, there's even a waitlist.
On Friday morning, David and Patrick meet with the singles week team to set up the outdoor venue. David sets up the first table, giving everyone clear instructions on how everything must look. Not only does the meticulously placed decor have to do justice to David’s impeccable taste; more importantly, it has to celebrate the beautiful and exquisite work of each of their vendors.
He lays out a luxury linen tablecloth from Phaedra in Elm Lake, smoothing the fine material with his hands. He places a fresh floral arrangement from Polk Farm in Elm Valley in the center, surrounding it with custom scented tea light candles from Elsie in Little Elms. The gorgeous hand blown glassware from Tom and Kai in Elmville pairs beautifully with the porcelain dinnerware Raul makes in Elmdale. He flanks them with Phaedra’s dinner napkins and Fletcher’s fine silverware from Elm Ridge. The final touch, handcrafted and hand-painted place cards from Liza’s Stationery in Elm Glenn tie everything together beautifully.
He moves on to the banquet table, arranging the empty porcelain serving dishes soon to be displaying an olive oil citrus cake and a fresh baked bread basket from Dahlia in Elm Flats, along with a variety of soft cheeses from Heather at Warner Farms.
He’s giving the final instructions on which of the reserve wines in their selection from Devon Vineyards pair with the duck confit and branzino from Colleen’s Imports when he feels Patrick’s head hook over his shoulder.
“The place looks good,” his boyfriend says, placing a kiss into his sweater.
“I’m sorry, good?” David says indignantly.
“Well you do tend to ruin the curve with your gorgeous presence, David.”
“Hmmm,” he hums, melting into Patrick’s embrace, taking one last look at his work before pulling his boyfriend with him in the direction of room eight.
On Friday evening, the final event closing out Singles Week arrives. People fill the blocked off and resplendently decorated Downtown Schitt’s Creek to witness and celebrate the newly engaged Mina and Katia’s nuptials. Rose Apothecary’s storefront is draped in fine cream colored linens, greenery and fresh flowers that provide a beautiful backdrop for the ceremony.
The brides address their guests directly at the start of the ceremony, regaling them with the tale of how they met. They both describe feeling unmoored in life until they met one another, rapidly falling in love in this odd little town in the middle of nowhere. Patrick reaches for David’s hand in that moment and they both turn to each other, Patrick mouthing ‘I love you’ much to David’s chagrin because his eyes immediately begin to water. He’d just depuffed them for this very occasion. Nevertheless, he kisses him on the cheek and leans into him for the rest of the ceremony.
The brides also reveal- to uproarious laughter, David’s absolute horror, and Roland Schitt’s utter delight, that they’d nearly gotten matching tattoos of the town sign to commemorate the love match. Fortunately a proposal won out, but just barely.
Later that night, heart full, stomach satisfied, and feet aching from dancing, David looks from his table to the makeshift dance floor. He watches as Stevie ducks with a split second to spare, leaving Patrick to catch the second bouquet against his chest. Blushing and tossing his head back in laughter, he raises the flowers in victory.
“It’s such a beautiful wedding, David.” Alexis sits beside him, nudging him with her shoulder. “I knew you could do it.”
“Thank you,” he says haughtily, “So did I.”
“You know… it might be time to throw away your wedding binder. It’s from the Christina era anyway and no one bedazzles denim wedding-party jackets anymore. No really, there’s a lot of tacky stuff in there, David.”
“Okay. Maybe I was once crazy enough to think I’d be married before thirty… or, you know… at all.” He picks at the non existent lint on his immaculate suit jacket.
“Things seem to be going well with Patrick.”
“Alexis.” He leans his head back and squeezes his eyes shut.
“Just saying, David. This is kind of a perfect wedding and you planned it with your boyfriend. Maybe it’s time to usher in the Patrick era.” She focuses on a single lock of hair that she keeps tugging on the ends of, avoiding David’s gaze.
“Okay, please never say something like that within a mile of Patrick ever again. If you scare him off I swear I’ll show Ted the photos of you from before you got laser hair removal on your chin.” Alexis’s eyes fill with rage but David cuts her off before she can reply. “And if you think my wedding isn’t going to feature the type of pageantry that requires months and months of planning, you don’t know me at all.”
“Ugh. Whatever you say, David. But I don’t think Patrick is going anywhere.” She glances over her shoulder at someone, presumably Ted, and smiles mischievously. “I should do a final check in on the Mirandas. It’s been a rough week for them.”
The minute she gets up, Patrick takes her place, startling David. “Hi…hi. Where were- when did you get here?”
“About a minute ago.” He shrugs, putting his hand in David’s lap and intertwining their fingers. “What exactly is bedazzling?”
“Mkay, I’m gonna go find a Branzino bone to put me out of my misery.” He makes to leave but Patrick holds firmly onto his hand.
“Will you dance with me, David?” His eyes finally meet Patrick’s and throbbing feet be damned. He practically floats in his presence anyway.
They walk to the middle of the dance floor hand in hand, Patrick still not relinquishing the flowers as he wraps his arms around David. They sway to one of the soft power ballads among the many David selected for the wedding playlist.
Patrick pauses his humming to lean in to David’s ear. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispers.
David furrows his brow, shaking his head. “I’m proud of us. We did this.”
“Do you think that means there’s room in the billing for dealing with a sleep deprived David Rose for half a week?”
David smirks at Patrick, both of them knowing full well that wedding business wasn’t the only business keeping them up late. “You loved it.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
They hold each other close, heads resting on each other’s shoulders, for how long neither could really say.
Patrick’s phone pings with a familiar tone and he brings his head up to look at David. “I forgot to tell you.” He leans in to press a soft kiss to David’s lips. “I asked Alexis to feature a poll on the Singles Week Instagram asking for everyone’s favorite Rose Apothecary swag bag item.”
“Mmm, that was a good idea,” David says, thoroughly impressed with Patrick. “Have you checked it?”
“I have.” Patrick grins triumphantly. “Lavender breath mints. 65%”
“Oh my god.”