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A Charmed Life

Summary:

Stede had lived a charmed life – one of exquisite cashmeres, fine marmalades and walls upon walls of leather-bound books. A strange reality where money eclipsed common sense, and where a man could just run away to chase a fairy-tale life of piracy. The sort of life that definitely should not lead to the experienced blowjobs that Stede was fucking giving him. And a life that shouldn't have Stede pulling away from him before Ed could touch him back. What was Stede hiding from him?

Notes:

I have apparently written 6500 words of porn, with something that could maybe, tangentially be called a plot mixed in there. This is my first time writing smut, so please be kind to me!

Discussions of past non-con included, but no explicit

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Stede had lived a charmed life – one of exquisite cashmeres, fine marmalades and walls upon walls of leather-bound books. A strange reality where money eclipsed common sense, and where a man could just run away to chase a fairy-tale life of piracy. It was a sheltered existence that Ed could barely get his head around, a coddled upbringing that was utterly alien to the hardships that had plagued his own childhood.

 

It was something that Ed had never thought he’d l… feel anything for. And yet, here he was, victim to Stede’s utter optimism, his absolute certainty that Ed was someone worth caring for. Someone worthy of fine things, and softness, kind touches and all the intimacy that entailed.

 

Fuck, it made him want the bastard…

 

Ed had no illusions that Stede wanted that sort of thing from him – he rather doubted the foppish idiot had ever even experienced that with another man. He seemed utterly oblivious of gossiping and dalliances within the crew, and any flirting towards him that he did manage to pick up on, was met with a flustered backtracking and a high blush on his cheeks.

 

No… Stede was almost certainly a virgin in that respect.

 

It made Ed feel almost dirty, to put meaning into the looks they shared, the casual touches that Stede carelessly placed upon him. The way Stede’s ‘You wear fine things well’ had made his throat and britches tighten in equal measure, and his hands itch to push the man against the mast and just take him, godammit.

 

He’d had many fantasies about taking Stede Bonnet. In his fantasies, Stede would be looking at him with that adoring look he seemed to have reserved just for Ed, like he was deserving of admiration… of reverence. His cheeks would be flushed, eyes darker than Ed had ever seen them. He’d lick his lips as he’d breathily whisper Ed’s name, asking for something he couldn’t understand, voice choked with unexpected desire.

 

Ed would kiss his name from his lips, gentle, so, so gentle. He’d cover Stede’s body with his, stretched out on silk sheets, fine fabrics framing soft, pale skin, unravished by the sea. He’d be achingly slow, kissing down his chest, the soft, undefined paunch of his belly until he was a whimpering mess beneath him.

 

He could almost hear Stede’s scandalised breath as he took his cock into his mouth. Perhaps he’d resist the pleasure at first… perhaps he’d head a broken voice telling him ‘you don’t have to…’ before cutting off with a moan. But most of the time his imagination had Stede too overcome to resist. Hands would tighten in his hair, tugging deliciously, helplessly at his curls as Ed swallowed him down. He’d run his tongue along the length of him, suckle on the flushed, weeping head until Stede was bucking up for him to take more… until his reservations, his fear, had been completely subsumed by the pleasure Edward (a man no-one had ever trusted with something so beautiful, so fragile) was giving him.

 

Sometimes the fantasy would end with Stede coming, salty and sweet down his throat with a shout of his name. Other times, his fingers somehow slick in that unreality of dreams, would slip behind and Stede would be opened up and taken apart by Ed’s deft hands. Sometimes, as Ed pressed inside the hot, impossibly tight passage, he’d imagine Stede muttering nonsense

 

“Ed… you’re so… so good, so lovely… my Ed…. I love you”

 

And that was enough for Ed to finish himself, panting and bucking into his own hand in the quiet, lonely night of the ship. Then he’d wipe his hand off, tuck himself away and swallow down a sickening feeling of violating something precious. For really, what would Stede ever want with someone as coarse, as… un-gentlemanly as him?

 


 

Much had changed over the last year. Stede had left him, and Ed had broken. Then Stede had returned, with the tanned skin and calloused hands of an actual pirate and apologies that broke Ed’s heart all over again. It had taken a long time for them to return to something approaching the casual intimacy they’d had before.

 

They were yet to broach the kiss they’d shared on the beach. Ed thought he saw it sometimes, a wistful longing in Stede’s eyes, but the idea of being so vulnerable again was… painful.

 

Ed’s dreams were less soft now, as well. He still dreamed of taking Stede apart – but now it was of pushing him against the wall of the captain’s quarters hard, both of them gasping and rutting against each other, Stede’s unpractised movements a balm to the ball of hurt that still shocked Ed in its intensity. He imagined Stede begging him for pleasure he couldn’t name, he imagined pushing the man to his knees and Stede’s tentative, kitten licks against his cock as he looked up at him with wide, adoring eyes.

 

 He still came into his hand alone, and still with that sickening feeling of violating something unnamed between them.

 


 

As is always the way with fantasies, it went nothing like Ed had imagined.

 

Their second kiss was so much like their first, that it brought tears to Ed’s eyes. They were having a picnic up in the crow’s nest as the sun went down over the horizon, enjoying their recent plunder of orange marmalade (that Ed certainly hadn’t known about as he chose the next place to make port). The orange light of the sun illuminated Stede’s face, eyes creasing with a smile as he responded joyfully to something he’d said. Ed couldn’t resist him. He placed a hand on the man’s cheek and pressed their lips together.

 

It was clumsy, embarrassingly so. They were at an awkward angle, and their teeth clanked together painfully as though they were teenagers. But Stede melted against him, and returned the kiss with an eagerness that made Ed’s heart sing in his chest

 

“Finally” Stede muttered against his lips, voice breathy and more content than Ed had heard it since… well since that first day they’d been reunited, and Blackbeard had made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t welcome “I thought you’d never… I thought I’d ruined it for us”

 

Ed rested his forehead against Stede’s, fingertips tracing the contours of his co-captain’s face “I… I don’t think you could” he finally said, trying to imagine a scenario from which he would be incapable of forgiving him, and failing. So much for the heartless Captain Blackbeard. Stede’s face seemed to crumple at this this, and he crushed his lips back to Ed’s, desperate and heartfelt. It was inexperienced in a way that was not as sensual as his imagined Stede had been (fantasies never seemed to have to accommodate noses, and cricked necks, and old knee injuries), but fuck, was it so, so much better.

 

Stede’s lips were red and swollen when he pulled away, panting softly into the small space between them. Ed had been manoeuvred to where his back was leaning against the mast and Stede had almost managed to bundle himself onto the man’s lap. He opened his mouth to speak – to tell Stede they needn’t go any further than this if he didn’t want to. Ed honestly thought he could spend the rest of his life just kissing Stede like this and would die a happy man.

 

Before he could voice such sentiments, Stede’s lips were back on his. They were gentler than before, but with a determination to them. And Ed realised what that determination was for when he felt hands on the buckles of his pants. He was going to pull away, to remind Stede that they were in the Crow’s Nest, in full view of the crew if any of them bothered to look up. To tell him that he didn’t have to do this now – he didn’t need to try to impress him, and how Ed had always imagined…

 

His thoughts stuttered as Stede got a hand around him, an almost unrecognisable sound being pulled from him. Stede pulled back again and swallowed. His eyes were dark with lust, just as Ed had fantasised, and there was that hesitancy there that Ed had always imagined kissing away, either against the wall of the ship, or in a large, silken bed.

 

Instead, he had no time for either, as he watched almost in slow motion as something seemed to harden in Stede’s eyes, and his cock was engulfed in a hot, wet mouth.

 

Stede wasn’t a virgin – that much was bloody obvious as a tongue traced against the underside of his cock and sucked him like a fucking two-penny whore. In fact, he thought as he felt his cock hit the back of Stede’s throat and then be engulfed by it, he was probably one of the more experienced men Blackbeard had ever fucked, whom he hadn’t paid for the privilege. Stede had a look of intense concentration on his face as he took Ed to the root, then moved off, gasping for air. Saliva was dripping down his chin as he pulled off, reaching for Ed’s hands to entangle them in his hair.

 

“Fuck me” he said, articulating the words so precisely that Ed felt he could cum from the command along. And then that mouth was back on him again, and Ed couldn’t help but tighten his hands and buck up in a way that had Stede choking underneath him. He was devastating like this, mouth stretched wide around him, eyes dark with desire for him, cheeking hollowing out too… fuck…

 

This wasn’t anything like he’d imagined their first time – in the crow’s nest, with the crew obliviously going about their tasks below him as he ruthlessly fucked the mouth of the man he loved. But Stede didn’t push him off, and the moans around his cock were so alluring, it made him move his hips faster and faster

 

“Fuck Stede” he cried out as he came down the man’s throat, feeling the muscles swallowing around him. Stede licked at his softening cock until there was no sign of his spend anywhere, just the wetness of his saliva, drying in the warm Caribbean air. Stede sat up. He looked… debauched. That was the only word that came to mind, and his cock twitched optimistically just from the image he made.  His face was flushed, tears down his cheeks from gagging, his lips swollen and slick. His eyes were nervous, yet bright with arousal as he looked at Ed.

 

“Good?” he asked, and fuck his voice was gravelly, hoarse from Ed’s cock down his bloody throat

 

“Christ” was all Ed could get out, words having apparently left him. He pulled Stede into his lap so he could bury his face into the man’s neck. Stede willingly followed him, fingers carefully combing through Ed’s hair and making nonsense soothing noises of contentment, as Ed tried to get his brain to work again

 

“Where the fuck did you learn to do that?” was the first thing he could get his stupid, traitorous mouth say, and he felt Stede stiffen in his arms. There was an awkward silence and Ed tried to pull away to take it back when Stede’s hands tightened in his hair to keep him against his throat. Ed pressed a kiss to the skin, and Stede made a soft sound.

 

“Well – I did go to boarding school” Stede said lightly, pressing a kiss to the top of Ed’s head “You know what they say about them”

 

Ed didn’t know what they said, but he did know that Stede’s voice sounded… wrong. Like when he was trying to reassure the crew that everything was going to be fine, when in actuality there was an armada about to appear from above the horizon. It made Ed pull back to look into his eyes questioningly. Stede shrugged

 

“What? I might be an inexperienced pirate, Ed, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how sex works” he gave Ed a smile that didn’t reach his eyes at first, but then softened as he took in the entirely of his still boneless form. He reached down to tuck Ed back into his trousers, which somehow felt like the most intimate thing they had done so far and made Ed want to cry. Or maybe he was already crying, as Stede’s fingers brushed over his cheeks, followed by the feather-soft touch of his lips. “Let’s go to bed, love. I’ve imaged holding you in my arms for so long now, if you’ll let me?”

 

So they did eventually end up on silk sheets. Stede had led him by the hand to their quarters, tenderly undressing him and tucking Ed against his body, so his head rested on Stede’s chest, legs tangled together and wrapped in the aristocrat’s arms. His eyes fluttered closed to a soft hand smoothing up and down his back and an all-encompassing feeling of finally being home.

 

It wasn’t until he was starting to drift off to sleep that his love-addled brain had registered that he’d never actually gotten Stede off in return. He nestled closer, and Stede’s arms tightened around him. He’d fix that in the morning, he decided as he settled into sleep, feeling warm and contented and oh so very loved.

 


 

He didn’t return the favour in the morning. He’d woken up to Stede’s mouth back around his cock and fingers up their own arse in a way that made Ed’s eyes roll back into his head a little. Even more embarrassingly, apparently even the idea of being able to really, truly have Stede like that was such a heady one that he returned to being a teenager and spent in Stede’s mouth before even having the opportunity to.

 

Far from looking put-out, Stede had appeared delighted at the loss of control, removing the mortified hand from Ed’s face so he could kiss the man deeply, tasting strongly of Ed and tea and… just perfectly of Stede. And Ed had just started to nip his way along the man’s jaw, and reach a hand down to wrap around Stede’s cock, when the bloody infuriating man pulled away with a gasp and a far too innocent smile

 

“I suppose we should make sure the crew hasn’t killed themselves in our absence. You slept in until almost mid-morning, my love”

 

And Ed’s mind had blanked at the endearment, and when it came back online, Stede was pulling on some fancy, yellow outfit and disappearing onto the deck. At the time, he’d put it down to perhaps Stede being self-conscious, or he wondered if Stede had already spent and Ed was just too wrapped up in his own pleasure to notice.

 

It kept happening though.

 

Stede was generous with himself, as he was in every part of his life. He seemed unable to stop himself from smiling whenever Ed would lean forward to kiss him, or entwine their fingers together, or wrap his arm around him. He would drop to his knees in a heartbeat, in fact seemed almost insatiable in that regard and Ed couldn’t remember a time in his life where he was coming so frequently. But whenever Ed tried to return the favour, there always seemed to be something to do. Stede would change the topic or dote on Ed until he melted into gentle hands stroking his hair or massaging him tight shoulders, or peppering gentle, chaste kisses to his injured knee.

 

The closest he managed was the first time he fucked Stede. They were in Stede’s quarters, and as that first morning, Stede hands had disappeared behind himself in a way that made him shudder with anticipation.

 

“Let me” he moaned, hands pulling at Stede’s shoulders to pull him up, and Stede come off his cock with a wet, pop. His mouth fell to Stede’s instantly, hot and devouring, tongue delving into his mouth until the taste of himself was gone and it was just Stede again. Stede moaned against his lips, then to the air as Ed pressed kisses to his jawline and down to his neck, sucking a bruise there just because he could. He hands slipped bend to where Stede’s fingers (fuck… he was already up to three somehow) were pressing inside himself, and Stede gave him such a hungry look.

 

He ran a finger around where Stede was impaling himself, and Ed was struck with just how much he absolutely adored this man. He kissed him again, gentler, and when he pulled away, Stede’s mouth hung open in shock for a moment before changing into that strangely confident creature he was whenever sex was involved. His smile was positively sinful as he removed his fingers from himself, turned around and just… bent over his desk. Like that was the most natural thing in the world to do. To stretch out, back arching prettily as he looked over his shoulder with ‘come hither’ eyes, like he’d walked right out of a fantasy

 

“Come on, Ed” he begged

 

“I thought” Ed started, voice ruined with desire “The bed… oil”

 

Stede eyebrows creased at the idea, like he hadn’t even thought about it, before seeming to dismiss the idea “Need you now”

 

And really, Ed was not a good enough man to be able to resist that. So, he spat some more saliva against Stede’s already stretched hole, and rubbed some more onto his cock, and pressed inside Stede. And Stede made these beautiful sounds like he was dying, and his eyes squeezed closed and he reached back desperately until he could find Ed’s hand, before holding it tightly like a lifeline when he found it

 

“You… okay?” Ed panted into his ear when finally (fucking finally) managed to bottom out. Stede hissed a little, seeming to unconsciously squeeze around him in a way that was probably the hottest thing Ed had ever felt

 

“Stings a bit – it’s been a while” Stede chuckled at that, whilst Ed tried to pull out, feeling horrified at the idea that he’d hurt him. Fuck – he knew Stede had some sort of weird face cream or something he could use to make this better for him. He’d already planned it out…

 

“Ed… Ed?” Stede said, pushing up from the desk so look behind him. His eyes were wide with concern and lips pulled down in a look Ed recognised as his self-flagellating, ‘stupid Stede’ expression “Please don’t… its good. Fuck knows I’ve had worse…” Ed choked again at that, and Stede winced “I meant to say… the sting is good… its good because it’s you and I’ve wanted this for so, so long. Please don’t…”

 

Ed paused, pressing slowly back inside until he could lean over and press kisses to the back of Stede’s neck, and down between his shoulder blades. God Stede was hot, and tight around him, and there was a smile on his lips as Ed pressed back inside – a real one, not that seductive one from before. He pressed his lips back to Stede’s, who seemed surprised for a second before kissing him back

 

“Move, dammit” Stede said against Ed’s lips, and Ed didn’t need to be told again. He moved, thrusting into him like his life depended on it. And Stede was pressing back against him, breath panting and small noises falling from his lips. Ed angled Stede’s hips because dammit, he was also good at this, and it was time that Stede got to reap the bloody benefits of that.

 

The choked off sound, so uncontrolled compared to the noises of before, like he’d forced it out of Stede when his cock finally brushed that little button of nerves inside him. There was something almost like a question that came from Stede’s lips, but it was drowned out by another noise as Ed caught the spot again. And then again because Ed was fucking fantastic at sex and wasn’t going to be outdone by a posh boy who’d gone to boarding school.

 

And Stede was keening towards the end, a noise that made him realise how little he’d managed to get out of him before because this sounded more real than anything Stede had done previously. Not that he thought Stede was faking anything with him but… this was his love, uncontrolled, not trying to… to impress him? Something about that still wasn’t right, but Stede had done something quite fantastic then, squeezing around his cock in a way that made his hips stutter. And Stede was looking back at him with flushed cheeks and lips bruised from biting, and Ed needed to kiss him, so he did. And their fingers laced together and it was perfect – not how he imagined but perfect, perfect, perfect.

 

Ed came inside him, and Stede almost milked his cock. He slowed, carefully pulled out. Stede bit back another choked sound as Ed ran a finger over his puffy, red hole, spreading his seed around the rim and carefully checking for tears or signs he’d hurt him. He really should have insisted on oil, he thought, but unable to really give himself the scolding he deserved for it.

 

He pressed a kiss to Stede’s sweat soaked back “Now for you” he said, because fucks sake he couldn’t not with Stede stretched under him like this.

 

Stede stood up and stretched out his back with a popping sound. And his cock was flushed and pink and dripping, and Ed wanted to drop to his knees before it. And Stede fucking reached for his dressing gown, looking bloody pleased as punch.

 

“That’s okay, my love” he said, ducking around Ed towards the bathroom. And fuck the way he walked with a slightly limp because of him… “Let me get a cloth for you”

 

And he went to the bathroom, whilst Ed just stared at him in confused want, and when he returned 5 minutes later with a cloth, water and no more erection, Ed let himself be cleaned up and bundled into the bed with… a sickening feeling like he was violating the man he loved.

 


 

He’d avoided Stede for a bit, much to the other’s dismay. But he’d been unable to stand the hurt look on Stede’s face for long, so he was back in the other’s bed after barely a couple of days. He couldn’t stop remembering it though, the way Stede had shrugged him off, not wanted him to touch him.

 

He’d dwelled in dark thoughts for a bit then – couldn’t stop the idea that if Stede thought he was too bloody good for Ed’s touch, then he didn’t care. He fucked himself hard and fast into Stede’s mouth, listening to the man gag, and choke around him and… he almost thought he could get off using him that way until he looked down and saw the worry in Stede’s eyes, and a strange… fear?

 

And he’d stopped and apologised and pressed his face into Stede’s neck whilst the man soothed gentle nothings into his ear and got him off with the gentle, newly-callused touch of his hand, and body shaking in a way that he couldn’t quite suppress.

 

Ed’s mind started putting things together soon after that, and it didn’t like the conclusions he was drawing.

 


 

They were lying in bed, just holding each other. Eds hands were tracing soft patterns across Stede’s shoulder blades, and Stede was making almost purring noises as he let his body relax against his. That was also new – Stede allowing himself just to enjoy Ed’s touch, instead of always trying to dote upon him. It made him reluctant to break this newly found peace with a question that could ruin everything.

 

“Why won’t you let me touch you?” Stede’s eyes went wide, like a kid who’d been caught stealing and was waiting for his hand to be chopped off in punishment

 

“I don’t know what you mean”

 

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine” Ed said quickly “I mean – not everyone likes getting off and that is A-OK with me. Each to their own and all that. But you’re always bloody hard as a rock, mate yet you always distract me before I can help you with it”

 

“Why would you want to?” Stede asked, and his voice sounded so utterly confused that Ed’s heart broke

 

“Why the fuck wouldn’t I?” Ed asked, “You’re bloody gorgeous, and you’re so fucking good for me... Obviously I want to get you off. Why’d you think I wouldn’t…” A horrific thought crossed his mind “You do enjoy this, don’t you? This isn’t just for me?”

 

“Of course I do” Stede said earnestly “I never knew… I never knew it could feel like this with someone”

 

Ed’s stomach dropped, and he wanted to hide away from this line of questioning. The picture of Stede’s past he’d put together over the last couple of weeks was one that tore up his imagining of a ‘charmed life’, and he was scared it would break him to have it confirmed.

 

“Stede… who taught you… were you…” He couldn’t even finish the question

 

“It’s nothing as bad as you are thinking” Stede said, quick to reassure even as his voice said that he knew this was a lie “I’ve always been… weak, you know? Couldn’t stand conflict. Baby Bonnet… with his flowers and books and clothes. Guess it was no surprise to anyone that I turned out to be a sodomite” He wanted to say something at that, to reassure Stede that he had no reason to be ashamed and that Ed loved him, because of the things he just said. But it wasn’t the right moment, not right now

 

“And the others… well, they worked that out before even I did. And if I was one anyway, nothing to stop them enjoying themselves with me…” He shrugged it off “Fighting them would have… well, it was hardly an option”

 

Stede’s eyes had gone horribly vacant, like he wasn’t in the room anymore. “I don’t know… word got around… they used to call my dorm room the ‘Molly-House’. My room-mates didn’t appreciate that until they were a bit older really... Ed… what’s wrong… no – don’t”

 

Ed hadn’t realised he was crying until Stede’s arms were around him “I’m going to kill them” he said, voice gravelly and rough. And he meant it – fuck his no-kill rule. Those monsters deserved every ounce of Blackbeard’s wrath upon them “I will hunt them down and I will destroy each one who ever thought to touch you”

 

“Oh darling” Stede’s voice was in his ear, soft and calming, and why was it always Stede comforting him? “Oh, dear heart, there’s no need for that. It was a long time ago now, and it was… it wasn’t exactly good but… I never told them no. And really, by the end I could pretty much make them do anything I wanted for their desire of me… And it wasn’t like they… it wasn’t really anything that bad. Nothing for you to get upset over”

 

“Nothing to get upset over? They fucking raped you” This conversation, it was like being stabbed. The sharp pain of revelation followed by a jagged, gaping hole that he couldn’t help but poke at, just to feel the agony all over again. Stede pulled away, fully out of the bed this time, to pace up and down the room

 

“Just leave it alone Edward”

 

“No… you deserve… you deserve someone to get angry for you…”

 

“For fuck’s sake! They call me dramatic – who’d have known Blackbeard would be such a bleeding heart?” The icy sarcasm didn’t suit him, twisting his face into something that made Ed pull back, as though struck by a physical block. “There is no deserving. It just happened. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. No one I could tell. No one who’d have believed I didn’t ask for it like the little pervert, I am”

 

“I’d have believed you…” Ed almost whispered the words, as inadequate as they were. And he wondered if that was true. If he’d met a young Stede, before his father died and before his life on the sea had taught him that love was love, regardless of where you found it. Would he have believed him? Stede snorted, and it hurt, that disbelief. Still, it was enough that Stede seemed to soften, taking a deep, shaky breath and sitting himself back down on the edge of the bed

 

“Perhaps” he said, rubbing at his temples “I’m sorry, darling. This topic does have the tendency to bring out the worst in me” He trailed off, eyes staring into the distance because of course it was him bloody apologising, not Ed who’d royally ballsed things up as usual.

 

“Oh Stede” Ed said, brushing his lips carefully, lightly over his face. Once on his forehead, then over his eyelids, the corner of his mouth, his jaw, until Stede’s face relaxed from that stoic façade he put on “I love you”, the words fell from his lips without a thought

 

Somehow, that’s what did it. That’s what made the man’s face crumple into disbelief, then into tears. Stede Bonnet never seemed to cry – despite being a ball of emotions, and being the biggest, bloody advocate for sharing feelings, he never seemed to be anything but in control of that aspect of himself.

 

But now, it was as though flood gates were opening and he sobbed, ugly and snotty and disgusting and it was honestly terrifying to see. Like something so massive, so world-ending that Ed was frozen in fear that he had no way of fixing something like this. He stared for several heart beats, before getting the fuck over himself, and pulling Stede back into his arms, running his fingers through his hair and letting the man get all sorts of not-fun bodily fluids on him.

 

“I love you” he whispered, again and again, and again. Over and over, and each one, seemed to make Stede shudder harder, press closer, tighter. His nails dug so deeply into Ed’s back that he was sure he was going to break the skin, and Ed didn’t care, because godammit he loved this man, who’d been hurt so deeply yet still managed to shine, like something pure and Good. Like Ed’s personal sun. And Ed didn’t know what he could do to make this right, but he did know he could be this. He could be there for him. And after the minutes, hours, days, of holding his love, until his arms had gone numb and his shirt transparent with tears, Stede’s breathing evened out, and he fell asleep in his arms.

 


 

Neither of them were strangers to nightmares, but Stede’s night was a particularly bad one. Ed soothed him through them as best he could, with gentle touches or just soothing words when touch seemed to be something Stede stiffened against.

 

Finally, they found themselves just lying on the bed, Stede’s head on Ed’s chest in a reversal of their normal position. Stede was running an errant finger across his chest, pulling lightly on the greying hair and looking utterly exhausted.

 

“Do you really want to… I mean… don’t feel pressured to answer me, my love but…” Stede looked heartbreakingly uncomfortable as he spoke

 

“I’ve been fantasising for months about you” Ed said earnestly, which made Stede’s cheeks go pink “And each time, the thing that got me off was the thought of you… falling apart because of me. I need you to enjoy what we’re doing together Stede… if you’re not then… I’m no better than those bastards at your fancy school”

 

“I do enjoy it” Stede said “I enjoy it too much… you really are quite distracting, you know”

 

Ed tried, and failed not to preen at the compliment “Too distracting, am I?”

 

“Yes – I’d never have… been quite so vocal with anyone else. Would never have been allowed to be so vocal actually. I’m pretty sure they just didn’t want to be reminded that they were doing this with another chap. Just bent me over and imagined the lady of their dreams”

 

Ed forced his face to remain warm and open “So you thought I wouldn’t want to either?”

 

“Not that I think you’re anything like them Ed – you’re not. You’re… warm, and sweet and… and everything good in the world. And you deserve everything I can give you. And… I don’t want you to… just because you feel like you must. I never, ever want you to feel like that. I don’t need you to reciprocate Ed, never have. I just want you to feel good”

 

“You’re an idiot” Ed said, pressing his lips to Stede’s forehead, where his brow had creased in worry “I love you, you stupid man. I want to make you feel good. Nothing would make me feel better than sucking your beautiful cock until you come in my mouth, with my fingers up your arse. Alright?”

 

Stede swallowed, licking his lips subconsciously before giving an almost imperceptible nod of his head. And how could Ed resist kissing him after that?

 

Their kisses were gentle, languorous and unhurried in a way that was still so new to the both of them. Stede’s hands were clenched into his shirt, and little whimpers escaped his mouth as they tasted each other, barely parting to take gasping breaths before falling back together again. Stede rarely let them do this for too long, preferring to pull apart to progress the activity. And Ed was starting to feel a little tension in the man’s shoulders as though he were trying to resist the urge to do just that.

 

He pulled back, and gently rolled them so he could press Stede into the silk sheets, pinning his hands above his head. His love was flushed red, eyes dark and a surprisingly innocent expression on his face that was impossible to resist. He ducked his head back down, running gentle kisses along his jaw and insinuating his leg between Stede’s to find him rock hard in his breeches. There was a shocked sound, that he kissed from the man’s mouth, harder now, more desperate.

 

“You like kissing me” he murmured against Stede’s lips, pressing their hips together to elicit another noise “Don’t know how I missed that before”

 

Stede bit down on another noise “I mean… I can be very… distracting” he panted, which made Ed chuckle

 

“You can say that again” He dropped his head back down to Stede’s throat, rocking his hips as he dropped wet, sucking kisses down the freckled skin before being drawn inevitably back to Stede’s kiss bruised lips. His hands were just running along any bare skin they could find, cupping Stede’s hip bone, running up and down his sides, brushing up his pectorals to his shoulders.

 

“Wasn’t ever… well, not kissed anyone like this before” Stede said with little hitched breaths “Couldn’t let us… for too long or I’d… I didn’t think I’d keep control”

 

Before Ed could really respond to that devastating idea, there was a choked off hissing noise, and he pulled back to take in the embarrassed expression on his lover’s face. He ran a more deliberate hand over one of Stede’s nipples and watched as he tried to swallow down another moan “Sensitive?”

 

“I… I suppose I am” Stede’s said, with a wondering look that turned quickly to defensive indignation “I mean… I’ve never… well it’s hardly proper”

 

“Good job I’ve never been proper, then” Ed said, with a sinful smile full of promises as he brushed a reverent hand over the nipple, feeling it pebble in his hand, and fuck him, Stede was panting at just that gentle touch. It was a heady experience, to see Stede finally, finally trust him with this.

 

“Fuck I’ve wanted to do this for bloody ages” he said gruffly, and he dropped his head to suckle the rosy bud. Stede shouted out, then his hand went to cover his mouth in horror. Ed just grinned and nipped gently “That’s it,” he said, reaching for Stede’s hand and entwining their fingers together “Let me hear what I do to you”

 

It seemed to go very quickly from there, took so little to reduce Stede to a panting, moaning wreck without a single hand on him. And as Ed finally reached down to release him from his breeches, he looked devastated, like he couldn’t believe that Ed was doing this for him. It made Ed want to bundle him up in his arms and protect him from a horrid world that made him think he didn’t deserve this.

 

Instead, he took them both in hand, and wasn’t that a revelation in itself? The two of them pressed together like that, rocking into the fist Ed made for them. Stede was reaching up to bring their lips back together, panting and moaning too desperately to kiss him properly but seeming incapable of being apart for more than a few seconds, breathing Ed’s name into his mouth as his hips moved erratically, whole body shaking with exertion as pushed himself closer, and closer and God he was so beautiful…

 

Ed watched with rapturous eyes, trying to burn that perfect image into his memory. The shocked O of Stede’s mouth as he tumbled over the edge, the way he had to squeeze his eyes shut from the sheer pleasure of it, the desperate sound of Ed’s name as it fell from his lips like a litany of prayer. His own orgasm was barely an afterthought after witnessing such a heady, awe-provoking sight.

 

He stayed hovered above Stede afterwards, watching his eyes flutter open, and hand reach up to cup Ed’s cheek. He seemed lost for words, and the moment seemed to stretch on between them, something big and heavy and achingly terrifying.

 

A bang on the wall broke it “We all know you’re both ludicrously happy and in love, but some of us are trying to sleep, yeah? So, keep the noise down” Lucius’ voice came through the walls, and Stede’s face reddened before the two of them just broke down in giggles.

 

Ed jumped out of bed to grab a cloth from the bathroom, and as he came back, he saw Stede just staring at him, with soft, adoring eyes and a strangely thoughtful expression. He went a little pink himself at the sight, and flashed a roguish grin as he cleaned up the mess on Stede’s stomach, and curled back up into the bed

 

“I love you too” Stede finally said, “I realised I didn’t say it before but…”

 

Ed cut him off with a kiss, that Stede instantly melted into “You’re an idiot” he said, fondly, and Stede smiled

 

“Your idiot” he corrected, before resting his head onto Ed’s chest “So… are there many more things you want to do with me… I do think I rather like the concept of mutual orgasms now that they are on the table”

 

Ed groaned at the heady thought, running his hand through Stede’s hair and dropping a kiss to the top of his head “I think you’re going to be the death of me, Stede Bonnet”

 

“You love it” Stede replied, though his eyes flicked up to Ed’s face as though to check the veracity of his statement

 

“I love you” Ed corrected, feeling warm and sappy, and like nothing could touch him. Maybe they had more to discuss in the morning, and maybe Stede had more baggage than either of them had realised. But they’d work through it, together, whatever the future or past threw at them. Fuck, Ed couldn’t help but think, what a charmed life, they were going to lead.

 

Notes:

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