Chapter Text
Everything is warm around Naruhodou. He’s not sure he’s ever been this comfortable in his life. Distantly, he realizes he’s not even laying down, he’s… sitting up? Hm. His eyes feel much too heavy to open. The familiar feel tells him he’s absolutely on his own bed… had he fallen asleep reading? But he’s so warm, even without a blanket on. The comfort of it all is amplified by the rain tapping in a quick, continuous rhythm on the window.
More than anything else, though, he notes the weight on his side – something against him, warm, firm, a weight that ends on his shoulder, resting on it. Naruhodou breathes slowly, evenly, his deep inhale taking in the unmistakably familiar scent of something so soft — something that he’d felt threaded in his fingers, not long ago –
His eyes snap open, and of course, under his head is Asougi – asleep and leaning against him. Dammit. Naruhodou had told him he’d wake him up soon, and what, he’d gone and fallen asleep too? Whoops. Well, more rest was probably good for someone sick, anyway. He glances to the window – it’s dark out, and the rain patters rapidly against it. It… surely isn’t that late, but Naruhodou supposes he really should get him up…
Carefully, Naruhodou lifts his head so he’s upright, off of Asougi. “Asougi,” he says quietly, bringing a hand to gently nudge his arm. “Wake up.”
Against him, Asougi groans lightly, before his eyes flutter open.
“I dozed off too,” Naruhodou says. “Sorry. It’s a little later now.”
Asougi yawns and shifts upright off Naruhodou, shaking his head once to rouse himself. “That’s alright,” he says.
Naruhodou feels almost cold without Asougi leaning against him, even if the limited space on the bed makes it so that their hips are still joined. “How are you feeling?”
“Much better,” Asougi says, and he definitely looks it at a glance. Still, Naruhodou takes in the details of his face, because as always, Asougi could very well just be saying that. But his coloring is much better — paleness gone, and no longer flushed – and his eyes are bright, but not glassy.
Just to be sure, though, Naruhodou brings his hand to gently brush aside Asougi’s bangs, and then rests his touch on his forehead. “You feel normal,” he says, smiling softly at him.
Asougi’s eyes meet his. There’s an undeniable glint to them – like he has something to say – so Naruhodou waits. He waits with his hand on Asougi’s forehead – oh, that’s weird, he guesses. So he lets it drop, though his motions are still sleep sluggish in a way that his touch just ends up skimming the side of Asougi’s face, tracing the shape of it. Asougi is undeniably handsome – a strong, picturesque, gallant samurai, and all his features played directly into that, from his muscular frame, to how defined his jaw was, his bone structure firm under Naruhodou’s touch. Naruhodou suddenly feels compelled to trace his fingers all along the rest of Asougi’s face, and down his neck and shoulders, to feel the rest of him, to feel fully how perfect the rest of Asougi’s body is, to –
“Naruhodou,” Asougi says, quietly – softly. Naruhodou’s heart misses a beat. They’re – close, so close, Naruhodou can make out each detail of Asougi’s face, like every single long eyelash, things he’s probably not meant to see –
No, focus, Asougi has something to say, and Naruhodou – wants to hear it. Needs to hear it, he feels like. “Asougi?”
Silence. Between them, anyway. The rain picks up against the window, an ever increasing hammering.
Naruhodou doesn’t breathe.
“I should go,” Asougi says, and he shifts away and then right off the other side of Naruhodou’s bed.
He’s already in the middle of the room by the time Naruhodou’s processed what happened. “Huh? What?”
“I feel much better,” Asougi says, not looking back as he heads for the door.
Utterly bewildered, Naruhodou nearly stumbles out of the bed, chasing Asougi over to the door. “Wait, Asougi – it’s pouring out, what’re you talking about? You can’t go out walking in that, especially not when you were just sick, and especially not in the dark.”
“I’ll be fine, but thank you,” Asougi says, reaching for his boots.
“Asougi, stop,” Naruhodou says, and before he can think better of it, he reaches out and seizes Asougi by the arm. “What’s gotten into you all of a sudden? I still have your spare futon, just stay here the night.”
“Nothing’s gotten into me, I just know you weren’t prepared for company. I think it would be polite if I returned to the Mikotobas’,” Asougi says, speaking oh so matter-of-factually, turning to face Naruhodou.
“Yes, something has gotten into you,” Naruhodou insists. “You’re acting so weird. There’s definitely something on your mind. You can’t just – charge off into the night by yourself like that –” even if it wouldn’t be the first time – Naruhodou sighs – “Just tell me what’s on your mind.” And then for whatever godforsaken reason, what spills out of him next is, “I’m tired of chasing you around.”
He regrets it the instant he’s said it, because it feels like he’s poured a bucket of ice on them both. Asougi slowly but purposefully takes his arms out of Naruhodou’s hold, crossing them over his chest. “What does that mean?”
Too late to take it back. And Naruhodou isn’t going to — and feels like he can’t, somehow — shy away from it. So he stands a little straighter, and looks Asougi dead in the eye. “I just mean I don’t want to run after you all the time. Whether I’m trying to keep you from marching off into a storm alone, or – I mean, we planned to see each other soon enough, but be honest – would you have come here if you hadn’t been urged on by other people? Or would you have waited for me to go to you, to chase you?” Naruhodou barely holds back tacking on “like always.”
Honestly, Naruhodou has no idea where this is coming from. Yet somehow it doesn’t feel foreign. Saying it out loud – to Asougi, no less – feels wrong, and he feels like he should be surprised at himself because these thoughts — aren’t how he feels, they’re ugly, bordering on mean or cruel, and his feelings for Asougi are so much more than this – aren’t this at all –
He’s struck suddenly by the absolute piercing of Asougi’s stare. It’s something Naruhodou has felt before, countless times, and had seen Asougi direct at others countless times, too – but there’s such an analyzing element to it right now, like Asougi is staring right through him. “You feel like you’re always chasing after me?” He eventually says, slowly, tone devoid of any emotion that Naruhodou can understand.
Of course Asougi wouldn’t get it, though, and again, it’s not like – Naruhodou had really meant it. “Forget it,” Naruhodou says, nearly gritting his teeth. Asougi is too bullheaded for this anyway – if his mind is set, it’s set, and Naruhodou knows better than anyone that there’s no changing course once Asougi is dead set on something. If he wants to walk out into a raging storm, then Asougi’s own fierceness would cut through the thunder and lightning, would part the waters and heavens out of his way if they stood against him, and Naruhodou can only hold on so tightly.
He turns quickly and makes to walk away, but not a second later Asougi’s arm shoots out and blocks him, trapping Naruhodou between Asougi and the wall. “You say there’s something on my mind, but it certainly sounds like you’re the one with something to say,” Asougi says, and when Naruhodou realizes he can practically feel the words Asougi is saying, it’s indication of exactly how close they are — Asougi’s not even speaking loudly. He might even be whispering — yet Naruhodou can hear him all too well. “Out with it.”
Naruhodou inhales deeply. He’s not going to let whatever is already happening start to spiral even further into… whatever else it could. He had said something stupid and careless, and he’s not going to make that mistake twice. He looks Asougi right in the eye. Handsome and gallant Asougi, so close to Naruhodou in all his perfection, his very best friend who had been dead for nearly a year, who had inspired Naruhodou so much and who had helped him find his resolve, Asougi who had a frenzied obsession with the truth so much that it blinded him and Naruhodou was left to bring him back to the light – not that Naruhodou even minded, no, that’s what being best friends, partners is, it’s seeing someone even at their lowest and still being willing to grab their hand and pull them forward even if it’s in a lunge to close the gap, it’s going through all that and more together and being honest and true about the good and the ugly –
“Maybe I would be more inclined to speak my mind if you did, but since you won’t, I will,” Naruhodou says. The words may be harsh, but this time his tone isn’t – it’s firm, serious, but laced with an unabashed vulnerability he feels only capable of in front of Asougi. He looks at his partner straight on, unwavering. “I never minded chasing you, Asougi. I did it gladly. You were always leading the way, you were always so inspiring, and you still are inspiring. And maybe I took it too far. You never bothered to tell me what was really on your mind, what was brewing under the surface, but I suppose I never bothered to dig much.” The words come to Naruhodou as he speaks, tumbling out of him like a waterfall even Asougi’s will could not block, and this time Naruhodou doesn’t bother to be bewildered at where they’re coming from – it’s not like that, he realizes, it’s just that they’ve been shoved into a vault Naruhodou so carefully kept locked until now. Perhaps not so unlike Asougi. “It was selfish of you to expect me to just – drop everything and go across the world with you. It was selfish of you to expect me to help you chase down the truth of ten years ago. You didn’t even ask for that one, you just expected. But I wanted to. I always wanted to. I wanted to gallivant around the streets of London with you. When I saw that pain on your face across the courtroom… even if I would have wanted to find the truth anyway – I’ll always want to find the truth – I did want to find it for your sake, too. You’re my best friend. You’re my partner. I’ll chase you across any distance if I must. But now that I had finally caught you, I wanted – want – to walk with you. I can now. I don’t think I could before. I didn’t even see your suffering or pain or anger before. I didn’t see you before. And that’s my fault.”
It’s still all tumbling out, so the pause he’s giving is brief, but it’s enough for Asougi to interject with something that’s almost a scoff anyway. “You’re saying you want to walk with me even knowing the truth of my self?”
Naruhodou quickly shakes his head. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I never said that was your true self. It’s a part of you. The Asougi who stayed up all night studying with me, the Asougi who gives the most inspirational speeches and trips up his tongue twisters, the Asougi who nearly killed Gregson and the Asougi who helped me find my path – they all make up the Asougi who I consider my very best friend. I’m not going to chase you blinded by some idealized thing I had in my head any more. I want to walk with the whole, real Asougi Kazuma.” Naruhodou straightens, posture steady, a poise to rival Asougi’s own. “But I can’t walk with you if you don’t tell me where you’re going. Maybe we are going down our own respective paths, but… I don’t see why we can’t walk them holding hands. I want to know what’s on your mind, Asougi. You’ve trusted me with so many things, a lot of them without asking. Don’t you think you can still trust me if you tell me first? Don’t you think you can trust me with your thoughts, your mind?”
Asougi stares him in the eye the whole time, his body so still Naruhodou almost wonders if he’s breathing. Eventually, gaze falls ever so slightly, and Naruhodou follows it – to Karuma, tied ever securely to Naruhodou’s hip. “I trusted you to hold onto my very soul for me,” Asougi says, quietly.
Naruhodou closes his eyes. “I know,” he nearly whispers. “Maybe I’m being audacious. I never wish to take that for granted.”
Another pause. Naruhodou doesn’t dare open his eyes. Eventually Asougi murmurs, “Well, as you’ve said – I haven’t exactly been unselfish with you. Perhaps you, too, can be a bit selfish.”
Naruhodou opens his eyes. Again Asougi is looking at him, and he’s – so close. Naruhodou can feel his shallow, slow exhales tickling his face. His heart hammers in his chest so loud it makes the thunder seem quiet. “Then what is it, Asougi? What’re you thinking?”
“I knew how highly you thought of me,” Asougi whispers. “Consider that perhaps I was afraid you may have rejected me. What would you have thought, had I told you I was granted my tour to Britain only because I accepted an assassination mission? Whether I intended to carry it out or not, what would you have thought of that?”
Naruhodou swallows. He – bites his tongue. What would he have thought? He wants to say he would have been there for Asougi no matter what. But back then? Thinking on himself back then, he thinks of how painfully naive he was. Could he have accepted something like that?
“I’m not trying to justify it,” Asougi goes on, shaking his head once, “But that was my way of thinking. “And because I wanted – needed you there with me so desperately, I…” He trails off, shaking his head again.
Or maybe he didn’t trail off, maybe there was some more to it, but Naruhodou’s brain latches instantly onto that one verb. Needed. Not that by now Naruhodou’s self-worth hadn’t come a long way – he had been needed to solve the truth of that whole matter, he knows that. And Asougi had needed him to find his resolve – like Naruhodou had needed him to find his own. But to hear Asougi say it –
– that’s not what Naruhodou had asked, though, as much as his heart flutters to hear it.
“I want to know what you’re thinking now,” Naruhodou says. Naruhodou could not once remember Asougi ever saying he needed something, let alone someone. For Asougi to verbally express something so sheerly vulnerable –
What could possibly be on Asougi’s mind right now, has been on his mind all day, that admitting that he needed Naruhodou was easier for him to do?
“We’re partners,” Naruhodou murmurs, and he really means it. Whatever Asougi has to say – whatever is lurking in his mind, his heart, whatever ambition, goal, weight, burden, thought, Naruhodou wants to know, wants to be a part of it, just like he wants Asougi weaved into his life much as his brain intertwines Asougi into his every moment.
As gently as he’d checked his fever, Naruhodou brings a hand up and lightly places it on Asougi’s cheek.
The silence is long. The rain is a near waterfall against the window, a cascading stream that threatens to seep past the pane and flood and sunder their surroundings. The thunder is present, booming, commanding, its power absolute. “I may perhaps be in a situation that is somewhat similar,” Asougi eventually whispers. His eyes still meet Naruhodou, unwavering, deadly serious, and – shining with something that makes Naruhodou feels is somehow similar to the way his own heart is hammering in his chest, the way his stomach is fluttering over itself. When Asougi speaks again, it’s somehow even quieter, so quiet that despite their closeness, Naruhodou probably shouldn’t be able to hear – not over the wind, the rain, and the thunder. But it’s his partner Asougi, so he does hear when he whispers, “You are somehow still my friend, after everything. I don’t want to just not risk that… I want to protect that at all costs.”
Naruhodou meets Asougi’s eyes evenly. He understands that. He is here and he is ready and whatever Asougi has to say, Naruhodou isn’t going anywhere. He will wait for him.
Perhaps Naruhodou should leave this at that. Be patient and just wait. Afford Asougi all the time he needs. Especially when although Naruhodou is sure of what he’s saying, there’s definitely other things going on that must be some product of their sleep clinging to him, some parts of his head that aren’t quite right – like how his insides feel like they’re made up of butterflies, or the way his head feels light, but all he can think of is how handsome Asougi looks and how warm he is and how Naruhodou isn’t going to shy away anymore either, and –
For once, he would like to just beat Asougi.
He keeps his eyes open and the satisfaction of seeing Asougi’s go wide when Naruhodou leans forward and kisses him is better than he could have even imagined. The time to relish in it is short, though, because in the next instant Asougi is surging forward with a strength that shouldn’t surprise Naruhodou at all, but when his back hits the wall he lets out a muffled gasp anyway. For whatever reason the feeling bolts to Naruhodou’s head more than anything, a dizzying, whirling rush as he tries to feel everything all at once – Asougi pinning his wrist to the wall, Asougi’s other hand gripping at his thigh like he’s trying to lift it, the way Asougi and he are both hurriedly tilting their heads and trying to get the absolute most out of this kiss. Naruhodou feels like he’s starving all of a sudden, or is realizing that he’s starving, and he brings his other hand to snake around Asougi’s waist and up his back, twisting into the loose fabric of his shirt. More than anything, though, what floods his mind is the pure heat of Asougi’s mouth, the way his tongue is pushing against Naruhodou’s and Naruhodou is feeling the inside of Asougi’s mouth, a place no one else has tread and a place Naruhodou now feels in the most intimate of ways.
Asougi’s hand leaves his wrist comes to grip at Naruhodou’s other thigh, pushing, lifting, and the shift causes them to break apart. Naruhodou realizes only then that his lungs are burning, and he heaves in his breaths, eyes raking in the scene in front of him – Asougi equally out of breath, face flushed, bits of saliva trailing down his chin, and he just looks so –
Naruhodou’s next inhale is sharp as his feet leave the ground, and readily following the motion, he winds his legs right around Asougi’s waist. His weight is entirely supported by how close Asougi has him to the wall, and his heart skips several beats with the sensation of it, but – “Why –”
Asougi’s answer is just the kiss he places on Naruhodou’s mouth. It’s just a fraction softer than before, still hungry and starved, but this time Asougi runs his tongue along Naruhodou’s lips and Naruhodou’s next exhale is content. He tilts his head again, easier now that their heads stood at an equal height, and he opens his mouth before Asougi can even push in. Asougi explores every inch of him with a force and command that’s familiar, even if they’ve never kissed before – kissed, god, they’re kissing, like a couple, like they’re –
Naruhodou pulls back, which is difficult against the wall, but he has to get this out. “I love you,” he blurts, because he does, really, truly, deeply, he’s known that’s he’s loved Asougi for a long, long time – of course he loves his best friend – but he loves him in a way that’s different from the way he loves Susato, or Sholmes, or Iris – Asougi too is a part of his family, but – Naruhodou’s heart throbs, it’s racing, he wants Asougi to reply but he also just wants Asougi to hurry up and kiss him again –
But what Asougi does is smile, something that has a hint of the self-assuredness Naruhodou is so used to, but it’s so much more, it’s soft, warm, he feels like Asougi’s eyes are sparkling even in the limited light. It’s a smile that makes Naruhodou smile too, even as his heart hammers against his chest in anticipation.
“You’re braver than you give yourself credit for,” Asougi murmurs, leaning forward to kiss at the side of Naruhodou’s face, close to his ear. “How am I supposed to top that?”
Naruhodou lightly kicks his foot against the back of Asougi’s thigh. “Start by saying it back.”
Asougi’s chuckle is low, his breath hot near Naruhodou’s ear, and Naruhodou feels a whole shiver tremble down his body. “You don’t want me to show you instead?”
There’s sparks flying down Naruhodou’s entire being, there’s – just something to Asougi’s voice, so close, so low – he wants to think there’s no way Asougi is being so… brazen, but Naruhodou certainly wouldn’t put it past him. Actually, he thinks it’s very much him, isn’t it? But – Naruhodou gently pushes Asougi’s face back, so he can look him in the eye. “No. Say it. We’re both done keeping things to ourselves.” Perhaps having his weight entirely supported by Asougi against the wall isn’t exactly the most optimal bargaining position, but nevertheless Naruhodou looks as serious as he can, crossing his arms over his chest. “Say it.”
Asougi closes his eyes, and it’s then that perhaps Naruhodou should feel a tinge of doubt. But he doesn’t. No, not now. Maybe last year Naruhodou would have been doubting that Asougi feels the same way. That’s moot, really, when Naruhodou wouldn’t have been confident enough to even open this up, to say it himself in the first place. But no, he knows Asougi, it fits, it just makes sense, he just – maybe he’s being audacious, but he knows it, he’s willing to bet on it with the way Asougi looks at him –
Though the way Asougi looks at him now isn’t quite what he’s imagining, not quite that sparkle-eyed warmth. No, right now Asougi steps forward so that he’s really pushing his whole weight into this, holding Naruhodou up less with his hands and more with the sheer strength and closeness of his stature against Naruhodou. He uses his hands for something he must deem more important, which is gently – oh, Naruhodou has never felt such a gentleness – taking Naruhodou’s hands, delicately entwining their fingers. His eyes meet Naruhodou with, yes, a twinkling sparkle, but also with something that Naruhodou knew, now — recognized — that faint hint of fear, trepidation, one that Asougi so expertly hid and one that Naruhodou so expertly never recognized, one that Asougi makes no attempt to mask now and one that Naruhodou meets dead on.
“I love you,” Asougi says. Admits.
And now it is Naruhodou who smiles, who infects Asougi, and the smile that spreads on Asougi’s face is one that Naruhodou can’t help but lean forward and kiss.
With no delay Asougi’s hands slide back to Naruhodou’s thighs, lifting him back up the tiny amount he’d fallen. Naruhodou secures himself by squeezing his legs all the tighter around him, his arms matching in how they wind right around Asougi’s shoulders. They kiss and they kiss, Naruhodou trying so desperately to make sure he feels out every inch of Asougi’s mouth, make sure no crevice is left untouched. It feels almost strange to be touched in the same way – to have been thinking offhandedly about how he couldn’t picture himself getting married to someone he’d yet to meet, but – all of a sudden his mind is flooded with the idea of spending his life with Asougi, kissing Asougi like this every day, living in the same space and –
He wonders if Asougi is thinking or has thought of the same thing, how could something like that even work –
His lungs are burning again as they break away, and he heaves in every breath to try desperately to get the strength back to go back to kissing Asougi because that’s all that matters right now.
“Hold on tighter,” Asougi murmurs, and Naruhodou does in an instant – which is a good thing because Asougi wastes no time in sliding his hands right around to Naruhodou’s back, picking him up off the wall in far too much ease.
His whole entire weight supported by Asougi, Naruhodou’s heart flutters up toward his throat. “Put me down,” he mutters, face hot, not really because he minds this so much, it’s just that – Asougi shouldn’t be picking him up like this when he was just sick, and Naruhodou feels if he stays here much longer his heart might stop –
“I’m working on it,” Asougi says quietly, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Naruhodou’s neck.
Truly all of Naruhodou is threatening to burn up at this point, heat shooting down him in sparks from where Asougi’s lips touch, but there’s no time to focus on it as Asougi makes good on his word by walking them over to the futon and seamlessly dropping to his knees. It would be easy to slide back and off into what would probably be a more comfortable position for them both, but Naruhodou keeps his legs locked right around him, arms winding tighter just to make sure he stays put.
“I thought you wanted to be set down,” Asougi murmurs, a slight amusement laced in his words.
Naruhodou doesn’t really have a response – he… does, he should, but he feels like his body is wound around Asougi’s more like a magnet than through any will of his own. He simply presses his own kiss to Asougi’s neck, his warmth so close it’s dizzying, Naruhodou unable to help nuzzling into it and he has no idea where he has the strength to hold on like this when he feels nearly lightheaded. Asougi smells good, he still smells like the salted sea air and oh so familiar at the same time, that same warm scent that barely clung onto his clothes.
And maybe in the back of his mind Naruhodou knows if he lays down here, now, where things might go – or he hopes they may go. But that would be crazy. Wouldn’t it? They only just… crossed this threshold, and maybe Asougi isn’t interested in that, at least not this very second, he’s probably still not feeling a hundred percent, and this probably isn’t something they should rush, but –
But Naruhodou knows Asougi well enough to know he doesn’t do things that matter to him without the full force of his soul and mind, his heart, and that’s one of the things Naruhodou loves most about him.
So forcibly Naruhodou unlocks his legs and arms, sliding back off Asougi’s thighs and onto the futon. And expectedly, Asougi kisses him, but unexpectedly, it’s oh so gentle – it’s a light press of their lips gently gliding over each other, it’s Asougi hand cradling the back of Naruhodou’s neck like he’s made of glass, and a muffled, content sigh makes its way out of Naruhodou’s mouth and softly against Asougi.
It’s nice, too nice, and Naruhodou feels like he could do this forever. But at the same time, there’s still so much of Asougi he’d yet to touch, explore, claim –
His hands come up to the front of Asougi’s shirt, fumbling into the fabric until he’s hastily undoing the buttons. Asougi nearly chuckles into their kiss, soft, and Naruhodou shudders a little. “We’re not taking our time? I thought you more of a romantic,” he murmurs against his lips, looking into Naruhodou’s eyes with an almost playful glint in his eyes.
Heat rushes into Naruhodou’s face, but it’s far from anything strong enough to deter him. “And I thought you more passionate,” he mutters, undoing the second to last of Asougi’s buttons.
“Is that what you want?” Asougi whispers, voice so low Naruhodou hardly hears it, even this close. Naruhodou’s eyes flicker up to meet his. Asougi is looking at him in his full seriousness, with an intensity Naruhodou knew so well – but now it’s so directed at him, all of it, in this way, and Naruhodou feels his heart leap and bound –
He nods his head, and he sees Asougi’s chest stop as he undoes the last of his buttons. He lets his eyes rake him over – Naruhodou had seen Asougi change before, the sight is nothing new, but what is new is the way Naruhodou lets himself take in every detail, rather than rushing his gaze away because his eyes shouldn’t be lingering on Asougi like that, no matter how perfectly shaped his body seemed to be. No, now he lets himself take in the way Asougi’s chest curves, and the way he has defined abs over his stomach, every muscle defined and shaped and perfectly fit to Asougi’s gallant figure.
Asougi obviously sees Naruhodou staring, but Naruhodou is too enraptured to care right now about bloating Asougi’s ego. Mercifully, Asougi at least says nothing, but he does bring his hands to start undoing Naruhodou’s clothes.
Naruhodou’s not embarrassed per se as his clothes come undone – for one, it’s nothing Asougi hasn’t seen before, and two, he doesn’t have any issues with how he looks, but… he’s nothing special in that regard. Not like Asougi, who may as well be a sculpture.
But when he’s bare from the waist up, he finds Asougi’s eyes raking over him in the way that Naruhodou must have been looking at him only a moment before, and his heart flutters and bounces and heat rushes down through his whole body –
In the next instant Asougi’s mouth is on him, right above his chest, and it’s like a sparking jolt on his skin. Naruhodou nearly gasps and that just seems to spur Asougi on, who trails kisses down his torso toward his stomach, teeth grazing him every so often. Naruhodou lets his head fall back onto the pillow, his insides feeling like they’re turning into a weak jelly, and Asougi only speeds up as he draws closer to his bottoms. Naruhodou now feels a little embarrassed, because he’s fully hard and there’s no way Asougi isn’t going to notice if he hasn’t already and – was Asougi even that worked up? Naruhodou feels compelled to start rushing his hands all over him, to feel even more, but he can’t even will himself to stop the tiny noises that come out of him with every breath as Asougi’s lips trail all over his body.
Briefly, Asougi parts from him, presumably to get a better look at what he’s doing so he can actually finish undressing him, and through sheer adrenaline alone Naruhodou sits back up, intending to kiss at Asougi’s shoulder – but it ends up less gentle than he intends, teeth sinking into a light bite. He almost wants to apologize, but Asougi can deal, and – Asougi actually moans, like he likes it –
Naruhodou acts on it before he can really process, biting again, a little harder, closer to Asougi’s collar. Asougi’s inhale is shaky, and his hands dig into Naruhodou’s hips. Again Naruhodou feels like his head is spinning, and he grabs at the waist of Asougi’s pants, fumbling with his stupid belt which is only made more difficult by – something – oh, Asougi is hard, so hard that it’s straining desperately against his pants. Naruhodou’s heart pounds in his ears, and he hasn’t even realized he paused until Asougi’s hands are sliding between Naruhodou’s own, hastily undoing his pants with a bit more deftness. In all but a second his cock is sprung free, hot and flushed against Naruhodou’s hand. Naruhodou inhales shakily, running his thumb right along its length – maybe he’s rushing it, but he just can’t help himself, not when it’s such an intimate area of Asougi right in front of him. His length is nearly burning hot against Naruhodou’s touch, and Asougi lets out a moaned sigh even as Naruhodou just loosely holds it and runs his thumb over it.
A big part of Naruhodou wants to keep undressing Asougi, to get his pants all the way off and then get himself undone too because god it feels like his body is burning up, and he wants to feel Asougi’s big hands all over his skin, but – his eyes flicker up to Asougi’s, half-shut, his flushed face, and Naruhodou tightens his grip just a bit around his length, and the moan that spills out of Asougi is so pretty and unabashed. He swipes his thumb over the tip again, collecting the small spill of liquid there to give him some glide, and then he gently pumps his hand down and up Asougi once. Naruhodou’s no stranger to touching himself and figures Asougi isn’t either, but the way Asougi moans one might think he never felt a pleasurable touch in his life. He leans back on his hands, head tilted back, and Naruhodou just does it again, watching the shiver that rushes up Asougi’s body. It’s beautiful, it’s amazing, watching Asougi come undone by the second, to Naruhodou’s touch of all things, his chest heaving with every shallow breath and his cock swelling in Naruhodou’s hand. After only a few strokes Asougi is bucking his hips up into it and Naruhodou feels like his own length might rip right out of his pants, hard to the point that it hurts, but he just can’t care right now, not when Asougi meets his eyes again and his pupils are blown, his face flushed and swollen lips parted.
“Get undressed,” Asougi manages, voice shaking. “I can’t take it.”
The very words make Naruhodou bite his lip, every ounce of heat in his body rushing straight to his cock. He forcibly retracts his hand, rushing to take off the rest of his clothes, though his eyes glue to Asougi all but tearing his pants and undergarments off and shoving them to the side. And once again Naruhodou can’t help but to thank that Asougi looks simply perfect, like he was made out of someone’s imagination, a flawless figure of a man – his every muscle and angle defined, and he’s here, naked, in front of Naruhodou, on his own futon in his own home –
“Stop with your staring,” Asougi says, and Naruhodou can only barely hold back a little laugh at the hypocrisy, because it certainly seems like Asougi’s eyes are raking him over – maybe just for the novelty, because again, Naruhodou doesn’t really feel like there’s all that much to see.
He’s about to oblige and go back to touching Asougi but apparently he’s not quick enough, because Asougi’s hands find his shoulders and then he’s falling back onto the futon. The kiss is outright starved, both of them open mouthed, and Asougi’s frame is hot and firm against his body, their limbs entwining like they’re trying to permanently lock together. The sensation of Asougi’s hardness against his own is something that makes them both jolt, Naruhodou wishing he could have kept himself quieter just to better hear the noises spilling out of Asougi. It’s good, it’s so good, he never wants Asougi further away than this, practically glued to him and kissing him and it’s sweet and intimate and wanting, it’s everything but still somehow doesn’t feel like enough – but –
They break apart to let in strained breaths, and Naruhodou is about to lean up and in for more, but Asougi sits up entirely and doesn’t pull Naruhodou with him. Naruhodou sits up with the intent to just pull him right back down, but Asougi has already shifted off the futon and over to – his nightstand? Naruhodou furrows his brow and doesn’t even have time to ask what Asougi is doing before he’s rummaging through his drawer, and –
– with a small, satisfied smile, Asougi pulls out the tiny bottle of olive oil. The reason Naruhodou might keep such an item in his nightstand is painfully obvious, and somehow his face feels hotter than the rest of his body, not so much at the discovery itself but at the fact that Asougi had clearly expected to find it there.
“Don’t say anything,” Naruhodou mutters, and honestly, he wonders why he feels so embarrassed all of a sudden – they’re both naked, they’re both in the most vulnerable state one could imagine, and it wasn’t like most people didn’t touch themselves, but… the fact that Naruhodou has olive oil of all things makes it obvious to such a specific degree how he’s touching himself, and now Asougi knows that for a fact – clearly already suspected, and if he wasn’t imagining it before he definitely is now, and that’s just – weird, surely, and Naruhodou would really like to get his mind elsewhere now –
“I won’t,” Asougi says, smile not fading in the slightest, and Naruhodou knows that’s just not the end of it – and sure enough, as Asougi scoots back over, he holds out the bottle to Naruhodou and says, “but you have to show me.”
Naruhodou stares at him. “Show… you?”
Asougi leans in pressing a kiss to the side of his face, and then his ear. “Show me how you touch yourself,” he whispers, pushing the bottle into Naruhodou’s hand.
A shudder runs down Naruhodou’s body, seemingly straight to his cock, even though – that’s embarrassing, he thinks they’re quite exposed enough and surely Asougi doesn’t need to see – that. Yet he feels Asougi’s eyes on him, expectant, and Naruhodou’s head feels light and he feels his length dripping – right onto Asougi’s fingers, it seems, which run up him and Naruhodou jumps and moans.
“I’m not that patient,” Asougi murmurs.
Naruhodou’s moving before he can think to tell his body otherwise, laying back on the futon again, though in a practiced motion he moves the pillow down under his hips to give himself and easier angle, and to – let Asougi see better. God, his face is burning. But he carries on, twisting the cap off the bottle and drizzling some onto his hand before setting it aside. His heart pounds in his chest, hot adrenaline coursing through him. Okay, he’s done this – enough before. Yet still he’s anxious like it’s his first time. It feels like Asougi’s eyes are causing physical sparks on his body, the rushes it sends through him like every single time Asougi’s manifested in his mind’s eye when he’s done this in the past before being forcibly shoved away, even if the rush Naruhodou felt imagining him was like nothing else, even if it was only for that split second –
But Asougi is here, real, in front of him, gaze affixed as Naruhodou steady brings his wet finger to his entrance, legs spread maybe just a bit more than usual. He takes a deep breath and Asougi’s short patience be damned, he ever so slowly traces a circle around himself. Usually he kept his eyes closed when he did this, but right now he focuses them right on Asougi – who doesn’t meet them at all, and probably isn’t even aware he’s being stared at, not when he’s zoned in entirely, unblinking, on the most intimate part of Naruhodou. Unable to stop the slight tremble of his hand, Naruhodou prods his entrance with the tip of his finger until it gently slides in, inhaling and exhaling with a practiced purpose as his muscles give around him. He pushes at his sides, encouraging his body to loosen, finger slowly entering himself further and further. It doesn’t quite feel good yet, but anticipation rocks his body, multiplied to the thousandth degree by the way Asougi continues to watch, chest hardly moving with the shallowness of his breath. Naruhodou is unable to help himself from speeding up a bit more than he’s used to, going in knuckle deep in one motion that makes him shudder. He can hear the way Asougi’s fingers tighten into the futon, and Naruhodou’s heart leaps up toward his throat – does Asougi like this that much? Swallowing thickly, Naruhodou brings his other slicked finger to his entrance, pushing gently and stretching himself until it slides in a soft moan. Even though he’s doing something he’s done countless times before, it feels better than ever, despite the fact that he’s not giving himself as much time to adjust. He shifts his hips to angle further in that way – it’d be easy enough to just twist his wrist and do that instead, but… he spreads his legs a bit more, making sure the view is unobscured as he lets his both his fingers scissor apart, opening himself in a way even he himself cannot see.
He’s long past the point where he’d be stroking himself, and it definitely aches beyond belief, but Naruhodou just can’t be bothered to care when Asougi is looking at him like this, pupils dilated and with all the focus and passion Naruhodou loves so much, all for him, all on this part of him –
Naruhodou shoves his fingers in as far as they’ll go, his free hand twisting into the sheet, biting his tongue to try and keep his moan at bay as much as possible – because the low groan Asougi lets out is absolutely something Naruhodou has to hear, it sends a whole wave of sheer fire and want through his body, it makes his back arch and he wonders how Asougi would sound closer to him, how Asougi would sound inside him –
“I’m not patient either,” Naruhodou says, nearly panting, his fingers pumping in and out of himself quicker. “Asougi, hurry up –”
Asougi’s arms are all but a blur as he fumbles for the oil, nearly spilling some as he coats his hand and slicks it right onto his cock. Naruhodou slides out of himself, suddenly painfully empty and – god, they’re really going to do this –
Asougi is about to start crawling over him when Naruhodou sits up suddenly, shoving the pillow out of the way and throwing his hands up against Asougi’s chest. No, he’s the one who sprung all this on, who took the first step into this, he’s going to be the one to do this.
There’s a playful glint in Asougi’s eyes that spell out that Naruhodou’s taken him by surprise, and a satisfied rush courses though him as he straddles his legs on either side of Asougi. It feels a little strange like this, up on his knees with Asougi below him – Naruhodou is so used to looking up at him when they’re close. His heart hammers – he felt very sure of himself a second ago, but now, actually here like this on top of Asougi, he’s not so certain, he can’t even really see what he’s doing –
Taking a deep, shuddered breath, he reaches down until his fingers are grazing against the heat of Asougi’s length again. Instead of looking down, though, he continues to steadily meet Asougi’s eyes, even as he shifts himself so Asougi’s tip is against his ass – even as he starts to shakily lower himself, as Asougi’s tip pushes in between him –
Asougi’s hands find his hips – not pushing him on or rushing him, but merely keeping him steady. It’s then that Naruhodou feels that Asougi’s whole body is shaking, too, albeit slightly, albeit clearly repressed. Naruhodou brings his other hand to gently but firmly rest on Asougi’s shoulder, and an unbridled shudder actually runs down Asougi’s body before he steadies out.
Naruhodou lowers his hips further, feeling Asougi right at his entrance now, sparks flying up his body. It’s thicker than any amount of his fingers, but nothing that dissuades him – no, if anything, the idea of Asougi stretching him, opening him up, of Naruhodou sinking onto Asougi and making him feel Naruhodou all around him –
His tip pushes past with only a little difficulty, and Naruhodou bites his tongue – it’s not painful, maybe it’s uncomfortable, but truthfully Naruhodou can’t pay much attention, not when his focus is drawn to the way Asougi’s fingers are digging so hard into his hips, when Asougi’s whole body is tensed up, eyes shut, chest hardly moving with the shallowness of his rapid breaths. If they’ve barely gotten into this and Asougi is already like that, then yes, Naruhodou is going to make him feel more –
Naruhodou shifts his legs so that they’re more on either side of Asougi’s torso rather than his thighs, bringing him a little closer and lowering him all the same – the rest of Asougi comes in easier, faster than even Naruhodou intends, and sounds spill out of him relentlessly as his muscles stretch, loosen, accommodate Asougi like they’re meant to, filling him in a way that makes him realize just how empty he was.
“Slow down,” Asougi says, despite the fact that Naruhodou is the one who probably should be thinking that. There’s no way this is uncomfortable for Asougi – no, if anything Naruhodou swears he feels Asougi only swell a little further inside him, his cock dripping, and when his eyes flutter open his pupils are lust-blown to the point that hardly a thin line of color remains.
And Naruhodou doesn’t want to slow.
He pushes his hips down, swallowing Asougi down to what must nearly be his base. All the discomfort vanishes in an instant when he feels Asougi pushing against a deep, deep part of him that makes him see stars, a part of Naruhodou that he himself has only brushed before, and of course the sensation of a couple of his fingers is absolutely nothing compared to Asougi, full and hard. He digs his fingers into Asougi’s back, feeling as each of his muscles shift and stretch to hold him, opening up in a way he could only ever do for Asougi, and he’s going to make Asougi open up in a way he’d only do for Naruhodou.
Asougi’s eyes are squeezed shut, his inhales short and his exhales hard, like he’s struggling to – what? For the most part he’s just sitting there, but his hands are gripping Naruhodou’s hips so tightly they may very well be bruising.
“Are you okay?” Naruhodou manages, pleasure starting to speckle all over each of his nerves and god he just wants to move himself, to feel Asougi pushing against every part of him, why on Earth is he the one asking if Asougi is okay right now –
“Yes,” Asougi says, a shudder passing through his body as he speaks. Despite the situation, Naruhodou furrows his brow – what’s going on with him? Maybe he’s overthinking it – he’s never had sex with someone, after all, and there’s no way Asougi has either, so maybe they’re just bound to act a little different in such a foreign situation… fine, then. Maybe Naruhodou just has to make him ease up a little bit.
He focuses on trying to relax his muscles as much as possible, and then sits up, feeling Asougi slide out until it’s only the tip left inside. Naruhodou lowers back down, slowly, and it’s easier this time, like his body is aching to be filled again. His exhale comes out shakily, and he watches as Asougi’s eyes close again, as his whole body tenses further and further until Naruhodou’s got him nearly all the way in again.
Instead of asking or trying to puzzle anything out this time, Naruhodou just lifts and lowers himself again, and again, and every time Asougi shakes, his breath shudders, he tenses and grips onto Naruhodou like he’s a lifeline.
It’s a bit of a rush – to sort of control Asougi like this, really, especially from this position. Even Naruhodou’s slightest rise or fall gets a reaction out of him, and with every moment it becomes more and more obvious that what’s straining Asougi so much is the fact that he’s trying not to let that show. Every single noise is bitten down on, is grunted out in strain. He’s stiff as if every one of his muscles is locked together and Naruhodou is going to break them down and open him up if it’s the last thing he does.
Asougi might be anticipating that Naruhodou is going to ask if he’s okay again – his grip loosens every so slightly – but Naruhodou just rises up and quickly pushes back down, faster than he has up to this point. Asougi’s groan is longer and louder and Naruhodou wants to relish in it so badly, but he only allows himself a moment before he’s repeating the motion.
Asougi inhales sharply and exhales in an open-mouthed moan that drags and stutters. His eyes are still squeezed shut, so Naruhodou brings his hand up to Asougi’s face, cupping it and tilting it upward to make Asougi look at him.
Asougi only opens them to half-lidded, but that’s enough to let Naruhodou see that they’re almost unfocused, hazy, like he’s drunk. Despite this, his breathing is nearly controlled, all of Asougi’s focus clearly on the almost steady rise and fall of his chest.
Naruhodou presses his lips to Asougi’s forehead, messy and quick. “Stop it,” he says, and he realizes how breathy his voice sounds, how hard it is to hold himself together enough to speak when Asougi is filling him so full and how badly he wants to just bounce up and down again. “Just feel good,” he goes on, hoping that Asougi will get the sentiment of “I want you to just be and stop trying to control yourself” because actually speaking such a complicated sentence would be way too hard right now.
Asougi manages to shake his head, once, slowly. “I – do,” he says, pausing between the words – it can’t be that hard to get them out, so he’s thinking, hesitating, and Naruhodou has half a mind to just start moving again before Asougi can go on. “It feels too good. You have to slow down.”
Naruhodou furrows his brow. Oh, was Asougi close already? Naruhodou shakes his head. “I don’t care. Let yourself go.” He rocks his hips forward a bit, and Asougi’s fingers dig into him again, whole body nearly lurching.
“Not what I mean,” he groans, before steadying himself in pointed exhale. “You’ve got to slow down.”
Naruhodou’s really starting to not care what it is, not when he rocks his hips again and he feels Asougi’s tip swelled against the deepest part of him and shooting pleasure through him from the deepest part of his body.
“It’s too good. I can’t take it, and I –” Asougi grips him hard, not just with his fingers but with the entirety of his hands, so strong that Naruhodou couldn’t move more even if he tried. He meets Asougi’s eyes, looking at him so seriously, focus attuned acutely on him. “I don’t want to hurt you,” Asougi says.
It’s unexpected enough that it takes Naruhodou’s mind of the pleasure for a moment. Hurt him? It’s impossible to make sense of, not when Asougi is under him and his body is so perfectly shaped and he’s inside Naruhodou and Naruhodou could just press him again and again all the way inside him –
But of course Asougi is still gripping him firmly, with an unwavering strength that which he must use to hold himself. Even now, with the both of them naked, with Asougi inside him, is he really going to try to hold back? It’s not like Asougi is going to break him in two, though for whatever reason Naruhodou finds his cock aching a bit as the thought passes through him.
“Asougi,” Naruhodou says, softer, using all his restraint to not fight against Asougi’s grip. He presses another kiss to his forehead, slower this time. “We just said no more holding anything back. Come on.”
He’s not sure if his words have just distracted him or if Asougi’s considering it yet, but either way his hold loosens a little and Naruhodou wastes no time in moving his hips again, the sweet friction like a balm to his aching need. It really is like Asougi fits totally perfectly, it really is like he’s meant to be here –
Naruhodou speeds up a little, and Asougi’s grip only loosens further. His hands slide slowly up Naruhodou’s hips until they rest on the top of them, and Naruhodou’s moans become louder by the second as he picks up his pace further and further. Asougi isn’t far behind, his breathing come in more and more stuttered. “Fine,” he says eventually in a ragged exhale. “Move with me.”
This time when Naruhodou rises it’s with Asougi aiding him, pushing him up faster, and when he falls it’s with Asougi guiding him, pushing him down onto his cock. It makes it so that his length presses all the more harder into him, and Naruhodou’s moan is broken and hitched. It’s unlike anything he’s ever felt – and Asougi gives him no time to process, bouncing him up and down again with such an ease, but Naruhodou still matches it flawlessly.
He moves in time with Asougi, faster, breathing fast and heart pounding faster. The pleasure is surging through him now, white-hot and coursing and lighting up nearly all the nerves in his body. Still – Naruhodou almost wants to moan more, he wants to feel the full force of Asougi thrusting into him, wants all of Asougi’s passion and soul pushed into him – wants everything Asougi is –
“Asougi,” Naruhodou gasps out, “more –”
Ever so slightly Asougi slows in bouncing him, and Naruhodou slows too, until they’re moving nearly languidly, at least comparatively. But Asougi says nothing, merely shaking his head after a moment.
“Then I’m going to push you over,” Naruhodou says, and he really will. In this position if he just tosses his body weight forward he should pretty easily get Asougi flat on his back and then at least it’ll be an easier angle for Naruhodou to do this because if Asougi isn’t going to really fuck him Naruhodou will do it himself –
He starts to shove against Asougi but in an instant Asougi’s hands are on his ass, pushing and lifting as Asougi stands, and all Naruhodou can do is gasp and wrap his legs and arms around him, clung tight like a lifeline. It only takes two strides for Asougi to get Naruhodou back up against the wall, and this time when Naruhodou sinks onto his cock he sees stars as sheer gravity sends a whole new wave of force into the way Asougi fills him.
Naruhodou has zero leverage in this, back to the wall once more and his entire weight held by Asougi pushing him against it. He can only cling tight – though it’s not born from a fear that Asougi will drop him. No, the thought doesn’t even cross his mind – yet still Naruhodou has his legs so tightly wound around him that his thighs ache, has every single muscle in his arms pushing Asougi closer because that’s all he can think about is having Asougi closer, more, deeper, more –
This can’t be Asougi’s full strength, he manages to think coherently. No. He’s shoving into Naruhodou with enough force that there’s no way Naruhodou will last, not with Asougi rock hard and pressing over and over again into him, up against every single crevice inside him, places even Naruhodou himself hasn’t and will never fully touch – but no, Naruhodou knows him, he knows the depths and heights of Asougi’s passion and soul and he loves him all the more for it and he wants – “I don’t want to hurt you –”
“Asougi,” Naruhodou gasps, hardly able to get it out in between Asougi’s thrusts. He’s already going hard enough that the wall is creaking behind them, that Naruhodou is sure that Asougi’s bruising his ass with his grip, but – “I can take it, Asougi – more –” Naruhodou’s voice is rushed, punctuated by gasps and choked moans.
“Kazuma,” Asougi cuts in, low and grunted.
He slows with it and it affords Naruhodou enough focus to look at him and really take him in – but now Asougi is looking down, bangs cascaded over his eyes.
“Kazuma,” Asougi repeats, and he pushes into Naruhodou again, slow but purposeful. Naruhodou bites back a moan, all his attention on Asougi as he goes on, “You – more than anyone else, see me –”
Every single word comes out strained, though to Naruhodou it doesn’t sound like purely a physical one. They’re low but not whispered, and Naruhodou hears him with total clarity. He unwinds an arm from Asougi’s back, enough to bring it to his chin and tilt it up so that they meet eyes again, so that Naruhodou sees his beautiful flushed face and lust-blown eyes and all of Asougi in all that he is and so that Asougi can see Naruhodou looking at his whole being. “Ryuunosuke, then,” Naruhodou says, shifting his hips as much as he can so that Asougi pushes again into the deepest parts of him. “I want all of you,” he goes on, speaking faster as pleasure surges through his body again, “and I want me – Ryuunosuke – to be everything you want –”
With what must be every single muscle he can use, Asougi pushes his hips up, his hands flying to Naruhodou’s and pinning them to the wall so that the only thing keeping him up in place is the sheer force of Asougi’s thrusts. Naruhodou nearly yells, moan loud and unbridled, tossing his head back without a shred of noticeable pain, not when Asougi – Kazuma – is fucking him with such a force that Naruhodou feels it from the inside out, the noise of Kazuma’s hips shoving into him and Ryuunosuke falling onto him so great that it’s almost hard to hear the beautiful way Kazuma moans each time, spilling out of him like a waterfall cascading out of a burst dam. Naruhodou can only grip his legs tighter around him, muscles aching as he tries to somehow possibly get Asougi further in, to accentuate each thrust and push. It must hurt, surely, but all Naruhodou can focus on is how good it feels, how perfect it is to be filled to the fullest and to have Asougi so so close and the pleasure coursing through his veins like a cleansing, bright wildfire and every time Asougi thrusts his lean stomach pushes against Ryuunosuke’s dripping cock and it’s hot and his insides are drawn taut and his toes are curling and –
“Kazuma,” he moans, the name falling out of him so easily and readily. “Kazuma,” he repeats, and repeats again and again and Kazuma surges forward, their lips locking together seamlessly and everything coursing in Ryuunosuke crashes through him like a tidal wave, raw pleasure rippling in every inch of his body and pouring out of him in thick streams, his come spurting with each pulse of Kazuma inside him, as Kazuma spills in him in the most intimate and unabashed way until his thrusts stutter and lose all rhythm, erratically bucking his hips up with what must be every ounce of willpower in him.
Ryuunosuke’s whole body is weightless, every other feeling and sensation drowned out by the ecstasy going through him wave after wave, each one ever so slightly lesser, until eventually they slow to a point where he becomes distantly aware of his ragged breaths, of the fact that his pleasure has slowed in time with Kazuma’s thrusts coming to a stop.
Ryuunosuke’s not even doing anything to support himself, but even being upright is too hard right now as all his energy leaves him in his next shaky exhale. He falls forward onto Kazuma, leaning his whole body weight onto him – he fits naturally against him like this, it seems, and even in this state, Kazuma holds him steadily, even as he trembles a little. And even if they both fell, they’d be holding onto each other all the same.
With clearly careful footing and a mindful hold, Kazuma steps back to the futon, lowering them both probably faster than he meant to, but gently nonetheless. With a groan Ryuunosuke picks himself up off him – were his head any clearer, the wet sound alone would have made his face flush, never mind the mess, but thankfully he’s far too pleasure-addled still to even think about it. He falls backward, chest still taking in deep breaths and totally boneless. Kazuma falls next to him on his side, in about the same state, eyes closed and face still colored pink.
It takes a mountain’s worth of strength, but Ryuunosuke manages to grip the blanket after some floundering and pull it over the two of them. It’s a futon intended for just him, of course, and distantly he’s aware of the spare one Kazuma had used to many other times before, but the closet is miles away and Kazuma is here, present, next to him, warm.
There’s probably a lot they need to talk about – but right now Ryuunosuke is so heavy, his eyes are shutting on their own, and so he uses the last of his strength not to speak, but to turn on his side and let his hand fall into Kazuma’s. Loosely, their fingers lace, and he can see Kazuma’s eyes closing too. The rain is light outside now – steady and even. It’s the lulling melody of a weathered storm. It taps gently on the window as they drift to sleep, as their breaths fall into a slow and even unified rhythm.
Ryuunosuke’s body fights as much as it can against wakefulness. He doesn’t feel exhausted, or even really tired – but he’s so comfortable. Something about his blanket seems extra soft, and much more noticeably, he just feels so indescribably warm. Despite his half-aware state, he realizes what this is instantly – Kazuma’s legs tangled with his, and their hands held together.
Just to be sure it’s not a dream, Ryuunosuke manages to open his eyes. Kazuma yet sleeps – eyes shut and chest rising and falling in an even rhythm. Ryuunosuke watches. He’s seen Kazuma sleep before – but nothing quite like this. In the past, Ryuunosuke felt as if Kazuma could wake at any moment while asleep – like the drop of a hat would rouse him, or if Ryuunosuke woke him that Kazuma would be perfectly alert from he get-go, as if he’d never been sleeping at all.
But now, next to Ryuunosuke, Kazuma seems all too at ease. He seems to absolutely relaxed, every muscle loose, not an ounce of tension in his face and so uncharacteristically… vulnerable, almost.
Ryuunosuke scoots a little closer, being as quiet as he can all the same. He’s got no clue what time it is – the sky seems to only be tinged with dawn, so what harm would a little more sleep do?
He gives Kazuma’s hand a little squeeze, and he closes eyes once more.
Kazuma’s eyelids are so very heavy.
Sleep desperately tries to cling to him – it’s harder than it ever has been to wake, and he feels as if it would take every single muscle in his body to just lift a limb. Still, he manages to slowly open his eyes – the world takes some time coming into focus, blurs and shapes that certainly aren’t a part of his London apartment, but neither is any other sensation that his body slowly catalogs – not the comfort of this futon, or the inviting, familiar scent, or the hand clasped in his own –
But it’s not alarming, it doesn’t feel wrong, and especially not so when Naruhodou’s – Ryuunosuke’s – face is mere inches from him, he realizes, looking at him with a small smile on his face.
“Morning,” he says quietly. “How are you feeling?”
Kazuma closes his eyes again. Perhaps because it’s just too hard to keep them open any longer, and just maybe to make sure that when he opens them again, Ryuunosuke will still be there.
He is.
“Tired,” Kazuma says honestly. Tired and sore, he realizes, as even the slight shift of movement calls attention to the ache in his forearm, but he keeps that one to himself. “And you?”
“A little tired too,” Ryuunosuke says. “But I’m good.” He scoots a bit closer, and it’s impossible to miss the slight wince he gives. “Maybe a bit sore,” he adds, smile turning rather sheepish.
Kazuma smiles. “That would make two of us.”
They fall quiet. Kazuma’s eyes drop from Ryuunosuke’s to their hands, still in between them, still held. He had thought it before – he had been unable to deny even then, whether they’d been wading through the crowd of students at university, or lowering Ryuunosuke into the a travel trunk – that his own hand fit so well together with Ryuunosuke’s.
It’s silly – that’s something a poet would write, or something out of a romance novel, something where things end up happy and perfect and the pair of lovers didn’t live and have duties across the globe from each other. Something where the protagonists were a man and a woman who could get married and share a life because their past didn’t have secrets and their future was certain –
“Hey,” Ryuunosuke says. “Do you want to go to that donburi place I mentioned?”
Kazuma looks up at him. Ryuunosuke is smiling, and the morning light sends sparkles into his eyes that look like the sun and stars and hope and promise.
“That sounds nice,” Kazuma says.
Ryuunosuke’s smile grows a little wider, and then he takes a deep breath. “I’ll pay, but you have to listen to a favor I want to ask first.”
Kazuma chuckles softly. “What is it?”
“I don’t know when you planned on returning to London,” Ryuunosuke says. “But I want you to stay here and work on this case with me. And when you go back…” He closes his eyes, and then opens them once more. “I’d like to come with you – and help you – for a while. And then I’ll return here to the Japanese courts, and… maybe you can come back at that time, too. And… I’d come back to London after, and… I think it would be beneficial to both the court systems. And of course, we…”
He trails off. Not in uncertainty – no, clearly not, it’s just that where he’s going with it is obvious, and even if it wasn’t, he knows that Kazuma would know anyway. And he does.
“You have work here,” Kazuma forces himself to say. “You’ve given your word to Professor Mikotoba.”
“I know,” Ryuunosuke says, nodding firmly. “And I don’t intend to go back on that. I’ll walk that path. And you’ll walk yours. But… I would like to walk next to each other.”
That, too, sounds like something out of a naive love letter – is what Kazuma should think, anyway. But when Ryuunosuke says it – when he says it with the glory of morning light after a storm in his eyes, after Kazuma’s witnessed him do the impossible –
Kazuma scoots closer, pressing a kiss to Ryuunosuke’s forehead as he lets the warmth of the sun wash over him, too. “I would like that.”
Their hands are shaped differently, the incredibly brightness of life’s morning light hits their skin and bounces back off like prisms reflecting many shapes and facets. The light hits Ryuunosuke’s eyes in the same way, and Kazuma knows it hits his own eyes like that, too. But they are still looking at each other, and they are still smiling, and their hearts are full, and their hands fit too perfectly together to walk apart.