Work Text:
Another FUG party. Bam was bored, but it wasn’t so bad; definitely not the worst gathering they’d attended. The band played well, the venue was lovely, and sitting at the bar allowed them to avoid at least some of the endless attention that was usually directed toward them at these types of events. They’d been offered drink after drink, but Bam didn’t feel like drinking anymore with strangers so they turned them down, and at least the strangers were nice about it. It was somewhat unpleasant to be at an event for so many hours without seeing any of their favored familiar faces. Unpleasant, boring, tiring… but not so bad. Not as bad as it used to be.
Bam had taken up people-watching and eavesdropping to fill the time. By now, they knew a lot about the sort of people who frequented these events, and they loved picking up on secrets. Little tidbits passed from one stranger to another in a drunken haze, not expecting them to be picked up on by a certain stealthy Slayer Candidate. It was a silly hobby, maybe, and definitely improper. But this vigilance allowed Bam to pick up on things they normally wouldn’t, like someone gossiping about them, or pushing through the crowd to offer a dance or a drink, or…
Bam couldn’t believe what they were seeing. They hurriedly turned back toward the bar, feeling that familiar fluttering feeling and the spark of joy that could only be attributed to the presence of a certain Khun family member.
“Fancy seeing you here, Slayer Candidate,” came his voice from behind, and Bam felt a smile spread wide across their cheeks. They wheeled around to meet that expected pair of cobalt-blue eyes and feigned surprise.
Bam tried to keep the excitement out of their voice, but their face surely gave it all away. “It’s a pleasure, son of Khun. From what I’ve heard, you’ve been off to the 89th floor Middle Area… business with your family, I presume?”
Khun tapped his glass on the bar once. Twice. Then he met their eyes again, looking more mischievous than ever. “Oh, so do you keep track of all of my moves now… My Liege?”
Bam flustered and looked away. Of course they knew what Khun had been up to, they call each other at least once a week. And there was no reason to keep up the premise of strangers when Mr. Khun was so respected in this company regardless, but Mr. Khun seemed to find some childish joy in it.
“Can I sit here, stranger?” asked Mr. Khun.
“Stranger? We know each other already!”
“But that’s the fun of it, Bam. We play pretend.”
“... Why would we do that, Mr. Khun?”
Mr. Khun sighed and looked into the distance, silent for a moment. “You’re sure full of questions, stranger. There’s power in having connections. And when you don’t have a lot of power, you have to use what you do have well. So it’s good to have ‘connections’, but sometimes it’s trickier with ‘friends’. Do you understand the ‘cost of friendship’?”
“Well, Mr. Khun, if two people know each other well, then… they can share anything with each other, isn’t that right? But sometimes that can be hard, because maybe you don’t want them to know everything, but you think you should tell them anyway, because they’re someone you know well. I suppose that could be a ‘cost’? But there doesn’t need to be secrets between us, because real friends don’t need to keep secrets, and we’re real friends, right Mr. Khun?” They replied, trying not to let a hint of stress into their voice but probably failing anyway. Mr. Khun was very observant.
Khun’s smile slipped slightly and he turned back to Bam. “Of course we’re friends, Bam. But that doesn’t mean you have to tell me absolutely everything.”
“Well, in a way, that’s good to hear, I suppose… but why in the world would you want us to pretend that we’re not friends?”
Khun seemed taken aback at their indignation. “I’m sorry if I offended you...” — he held up a hand before Bam could retort — “...It’s not that I want to pretend we’re not friends. I just think that sometimes it’s impossible for things to be simple. Friendships should be mutually beneficial, and sometimes it’s hard to keep up with that, so for the people you truly care about, isn’t it better to be strangers? As for the ‘friends’ I had before I left the family… well, they expected a lot from me, so sometimes those relationships can be a headache to deal with. Can you understand that?”
“Not at all, Mr. Khun.”
Khun just laughed.
Bam gazed back at their friend and didn’t know what to say next. “Um, can I buy you a drink, Son of Khun?”
Khun chuckled at their continuation of his game. “That’s awfully forward of you, Slayer Candidate. At least buy me dinner first.”
“... I’ve already had dinner… Wait, you’re just being silly now, Mr. Khun.”
Khun smiled at them, eyes gleaming playfully. He ignored their second comment, instead responding with, “I already have a drink.”
“
Mr. Khun! You’ve really never played chess before? I could teach you!”
“I was told it’s just some silly game. And it’s all about trickery and cleverness, right? I’ve had enough of that in real life, where it means something.”
Bam considered him for a moment. Mr. Khun is confusing. Doesn’t Mr. Khun like silly games? Or is that only when it’s with words? “... So you’re saying you don’t want me to teach you?” Bam pressed.
Khun didn’t hesitate. “No. Yes. Please teach me, Bam.”
He’d changed his mind so quickly and Bam didn’t know what to make of it. Bam almost felt bad for teasing him like that, by the little threat that they might revoke their offer… but they only did it because they knew Mr. Khun wouldn’t pick up on how intentional it was to mess with him like that, because Mr. Khun didn’t expect that from them yet. Well, a little trick never hurt anybody, right? “Of course I will, Mr. Khun!”
Bam loves games. They’d played chess with Rachel numerous times before, using little squares scratched into the dirt and pieces carved meticulously with a knife. Bam had gotten quite adept with a knife. Yet another one of their little ‘secrets’. Since when had they been keeping secrets?
Secrets were fun, and Bam felt better about saying that now than before, because secrets hadn’t always been fun. None of the ‘that’s not for you to know, Bam’, or the ‘don’t ask anyone else about Irregulars, Bam’, or the ‘Ms. Light isn’t Rachel, trust me, Bam’ secrets were very fun at all. They didn’t understand the point of most secrets, but hypocritically, wished to have their own, because that could give them some grasp on this strange world of clever words and unsaid things.
Snacks stashed under their bed. Skills from the cave that even Rachel didn’t know about. And something else… Well, feelings can be hard to decipher, even one’s own.
People seemed to leave Bam alone when they were with Khun. Their team and its successes were known throughout the tower, of course, but Bam fancied there was more cause to it than that, that perhaps people saw the special space between these two people and chose not to break their little bubble. Bam was grateful for it, whatever it was.
The two of them continued conversing in the manner of strangers. There was nothing cold to it, no empty distance in their inside jokes disguised as coincidences, and Bam knew it was just a front, just a game, and they were themself a different person than they were all those years ago, when they used to be confused by the meaning of these games.
Tonight, Khun seemed happy. Truly happy. Bam can always see through his fake smiles nowadays. This pure, childish joy confirmed to Bam that the meetings Khun had held with his family must have gone over well.
It was electrifying to see Khun so happy. Bam supposed they must be happy, too. When a person has been in the dark for so long and has since become accustomed to the light, it can be easy to take that contentment for granted. Bam scolded themself for ever taking anything for granted, and made a promise to themself that they’d always cherish every moment they’re able to spend with Khun. Everything seemed better when Khun was there.
“What!? Damn! How did I lose already!”
Bam giggled. “You moved your pawns out too hastily, and it allowed for an entrance for my pawn to check your King while he was cornered.”
“I was foolish. I didn’t think the pawns would matter so much this early.”
“You’re right, Mr. Khun, therein lies your failure. Even the smallest pawn could” — they flicked Khun’s King and it clattered on the table — “topple an empire.”
Khun looked at them with an odd look on his face. “You talk strangely lately, Bam. But besides, it wasn’t the pawns who did that! It was you taking out all of my good pieces with your own! If I still had my Queen, this would have ended differently.”
“Not necessarily, Mr. Khun. Chess is not a game of brute force, it’s a game where every choice truly matters! And even though my pawns don’t have any special abilities, it was the choices they made that defined their importance in the game. My pawns weren’t given a lot of power, they just used it well! Even the most unexpected pieces can make it count in the end!”
“...Is this a metaphor, Bam? Are you going all rhetorical on me?”
Bam grinned. They felt like they were winning. Winning at what, they did not know. Bam didn’t want to mess with Mr. Khun any further, but there was some sense of joy in playing with him like this, playing not just in chess but also in words. Something they both understood just like any other game.
“Maybe. Let’s play again, Mr. Khun!”
Khun finished the last few drops of the drink Bam had bought for him and set it down on the bar. Bam had stopped drinking a while ago, having been at the party for longer than their friend and cutting themself off hours ago. They liked to have their mind sharp for events like these.
Khun cleared his throat. “It’s pretty hot in here, Slayer Grace. Could I convince you to… come with me… outside…?”
Bam smiled. What a forward thing to say to a stranger!
“It would be my pleasure, Son of Khun.” Khun’s face lit up. He had probably been waiting to make that request for a while now.
Khun had timed the request well; the band had started to play a popular song and people were filing inside in droves, leaving many of the outside areas secluded. Bam knew just the perfect place to be alone together: the third floor balcony on the west end. Bam took their friend’s wrist and began leading; they were quite certain Khun had never been to this venue before, and didn’t want to lose him in the crowd.
They maneuvered through the crowd fairly easily, being stopped only a couple of times by acquaintances, and luckily the two of them were both quite skilled in escaping conversations. Bam never once let go of their friend’s wrist until the two of them were sitting on the ledge of the balcony in the cool night air.
Khun turned to Bam and smiled, a smile just as genuine as the one he’d had on inside. “I’ve missed you so much, Bam!”
“I can’t believe she fought so harshly with you! There was no reason for her to hurt you as badly as this.”
“Well, Mr. Khun, although I regret being injured, maybe it’s for the better that she did that… Ms. Endorsi just wants to help me get stronger. I’m very grateful.”
Khun looked at them with that odd look in his eyes again, before turning back to the bandages and wrapping them tightly. It was clear that Khun was not very skilled with this task, but all of his movements were so gentle. His thin fingers weaved with some difficulty up and around Bam’s wrist, occasionally brushing Bam’s skin while he worked, which gave Bam the sensation of sparks ricocheting from where their forearm was grazed by Khun’s soft hands. “I still don’t think that’s a good way for a friend to act toward you.”
Bam thought about that for a minute. “I think I’ve learned a lot about friendship since entering the Tower. There are all sorts of different kinds of friendships. Because friendship should be, um, “mutually beneficial”, I think you said? But that could mean so many things. And maybe it doesn’t have to be… um, a really tangible ‘benefit’. I can tell from the way Ms. Endorsi treats me that she wants to support me. She might be mean to me, but that’s so I can improve. And in return, I would like to support her as well, and I think I should get stronger in order to do that. But in any case, that’s ‘mutual’. Because we… we care about each other.”
“Hmm…”
Khun thought about it for quite a while. Bam wondered if they had been confusing, or if they had rambled on for too long. “See, Mr. Khun, it’s like us. You’re helping me with my injury now, sure, and you’ve helped me so generously in other ways, but that doesn’t mean our friendship should be defined by how ‘worthy’ you are to me. I just like that you’re here. I like it… when you’re here with me, Mr. Khun…” they trailed off and let that admission rest in the air between them for a moment. “Um, Mr. Khun, what are you thinking?”
“Hmm... sometimes I think you must be wiser than I am, Bam. Do you remember when I was telling you that there is a ‘cost of friendship’? I’m beginning to think I might have been wrong. Because why stay in that relationship if there’s some detriment to it? That sounds like it’d be a very fake relationship, indeed. That wouldn’t make sense.”
“...Ah, right…”
“And for the record… I like it when you’re here with me too, Bam.”
The two of them sat on the ledge together, mere inches of distance between them. It was a lovely night, and the closed balcony doors largely muffled the boisterousness of the party. It felt like the two of them existed alone in the world, just Khun, Bam, the artificial stars of the 112th floor, and a happiness that had not been shared between them so purely in many years. Bam was certain that this was what contentment is meant to feel like.
It was surely crazy to be so content, what with the approaching Second Great War, the stresses of climbing, and the social pressures sure to face them during the rest of this party and beyond, but it made sense to Bam for this to be the scene of their happiness, with just them, their Khun, the stars, and a future with endless possibilities laid out before them.
There has always been plenty of pressure weighing down on Bam, as a future Slayer, as an Irregular, and as a person expected to bring destruction and change to the tower. During the times when the pressure and feelings of powerlessness over their own life felt especially severe, it was all Bam could do to remember that, with their own strength, they had managed to keep by their side those things that renewed their sense of control: their friends, their skills they’ve toiled so hard to improve, and… a certain son of Khun.
Khun hummed contentedly. “It’s nicer like this. It’s so much better talking to you alone and also… in person.”
“I agree… I bet you have a lot to catch me up on, Khun.”
“Oh. Yes. The visit to my family… overall, it was lovely. I’ve never appreciated my hometown like I did this time. I felt like a true tourist, a lone traveler, but also accompanied by the bittersweet feeling that comes with visiting the place where you grew up. A lot of the people I knew had moved on… they became Regulars, or betrayed the family — my great-aunt even passed away, I would have never thought she’d be capable of losing a fight — yeah, a lot of things changed.” Without even a moment’s pause in his speech, Khun rested his head gently on Bam’s shoulder. “But still. Some things stay the same. One of my cousin’s cousins was very excited to see me — had forgotten my name though, the bastard! — and I got to talk to some people I looked up to when I was younger. They praised me for my recent accomplishments with the army and it was… it was nice. I never thought I’d be respected by anyone in my family ever again, but ever since your FUG faction sided with Eduan in the war, well… let’s just say I never thought anyone would be so proud of me.”
“ I’m proud of you,” Bam blurted out immediately.
“Well, yeah, I was of great help on old Joochun’s floor, I’m sure —”
“No, not like that, but just…” Bam wasn’t sure how to tell him about the fluttering feeling they got in their stomach when Khun looked so happy — so purely, deservedly, and unabashedly happy — how strong Khun was, and how Bam would flip the Tower over for a second time if it meant Khun could keep looking this happy, and how Bam is no longer sure if that fluttering feeling is merely from pride…
Bam took a deep breath. “Us. I’m proud of us. I’m proud of us for managing to stay so close this whole time, through all the wars and conflicts and the years of time apart — but mostly I’m proud of you, for being so persistent. I wouldn’t have accomplished much of what I’ve done without you, Khun. And not just because you helped me, but because you cared so much to, and because you were always able to support and bring comfort to me in a way no one else could, whether you realize that or not, and… well, I still remember all our conversations from the 2nd floor like they were yesterday. At that time, and for years, even past our reunion after the first Workshop Battle, we needed each other — to climb. To say sane. Whatever. But now… I know you don’t need me, Khun, and yet here we are, with each other in the best way, and I know it’s not ‘mutually beneficial’ because you hate these parties, you always have. But I’m still grateful, because… having you here… everything is better with Mr. Khun here.”
“Bam, I…”
“...Khun?”
“For the record, I never needed you.”
“Oh. Classy.”
“You’re getting better, Mr. Khun! You’re a fast learner.”
“You shouldn’t be so happy, Bam. If I start getting too good at chess, then I might beat you every time.”
“Well, what’s wrong with that?”
“Because… well, because then you’ll lose!”
“But Mr. Khun, it’s just like you told me! There’s no way for everyone to be happy. When you play games, there will always be a winner and a loser! It’s only natural!”
“If you’re losing, then you should push back! Or do you just want to keep on losing?”
“Well then, Mr. Khun!” Bam put their palms on the table and pushed themself into a standing position. “Then I guess we’ll just both have to keep playing and keep improving! That way, we can help each other!! So in the grand scheme of things, we both win!”
"...Bam, I believe you’ve found a loophole…”
When Khun was done laughing at his own joke (prompting some serious eye-rolling from his companion), he swiftly changed the tone of conversation again as he continued, “Anyway, I think you’re right. Our friendship
has
changed a lot. And that’s largely by your influence; after all, you’ve helped me learn that relationships don’t have to be transactional… and I don’t mean just our relationship, but also my relationship with Isu, Yuje, and them. You’ve really taught me a lot in terms of caring for people properly. And besides…” — he turned his face into their shoulder and huffed a laugh — “I do believe that our relationship in particular actually is… ‘mutually beneficial’.”
“Well of course, Khun. I love being here with you. Just being with you is enough.”
Khun was silent at that, and there was a pause as they just sat there together peacefully, Khun’s head on Bam’s shoulder and his right leg pressed up against their left, the two of them simply watching the stars and listening to the distant sounds of the party inside.
“Let me see your wound,” Khun demanded.
“Really, Mr. Khun, it’s alright. My wrist is almost completely healed by now, so you don’t need to keep on re-wrapping it.”
“Are you sure, Bam…?”
“Yes, of course. Thanks to you, Mr. Khun, it doesn’t hurt so much anymore.”
“Now that we’re out here, it’s like I’ve forgotten all the other things I wanted to say.”
Khun chuckled. “I understand that. At least the sky here is so nice to look at. They did a good job with simulating the stars on this floor,” he turned to Bam and grinned. “But is that too much like what a stranger would say? Am I small-talking too much for you,
Viole
?”
“Gosh, this again. We were just having a moment!”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Slayer Candidate. The moment never ended. In fact…” He turned to look toward the party then back at Bam, the playful grin still on his face. Then he stood, walked to the door, and opened it just a crack.
“What are you doing, Son of Khun?”
Khun swiftly returned to their side. “You asked me all those years ago why I think it’s fun to treat you like a stranger. I think my answer has changed. Maybe then, it was because I had trouble with trust, and I couldn’t believe a friendship as close as ours could be okay, uncomplicated, safe… but even now, through all the times we’ve been separated, we always find our way back to each other. I trust in our friendship implicitly, because we’ve lived so many different lives and each held various roles in this life, but through it all, you and I are a constant.”
Bam took a while to figure out what to say to that, rather surprised by Khun’s honesty. Right before they were about to reply, they noticed a change in the sounds coming inside and abruptly paused again as they endeavored to discover the cause, as they were wont to do. Always listening. The voices of the crowd had quieted, but Bam could hear a different tone of music than had been playing before, something led by the violin, and piano…
Khun cleared his throat, immediately capturing Bam’s attention again. “Bam, we aren’t strangers. No matter what this Tower throws at us to try to keep us apart, fate will always be on our side. And if our destiny does betray us, and we start feeling like pawns in this game of war, then we will just turn that destiny around, just as you do so often and I admire you so much for. Bam, until tonight, I hadn’t seen you in person for over a year, and yet we still don’t feel like strangers. But life by your side is never boring. Every time I come back to you, it feels like I’m meeting you again for the first time.”
The fluttering feeling in Bam’s stomach was exploding, with Khun’s proximity, with the way he held their gaze, the words he was saying, the promises…
Khun held out his hand.
“Stranger, may I have this dance?”
“Mr. Khun, I feel like there’s still so much I don’t know about you.”
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about, Bam.”
“That’s mean! I know about some things. I know about the sky, and shinsu, and the Great Families, and words and games and chess and… well, I’d like to think I know about myself.”
“There’s a great many things still to learn about all those things, Bam. Same goes for me. There’s a great deal of things for me to learn about you, and about myself, too.”
“You don’t know about yourself?”
“Does anyone really know about their self? That’s why we keep secrets. So that we know things about ourselves that no one else knows. It makes us feel more in control of our identity than we really are.”
“Oh. That seems rather existential. I think a person who keeps so many secrets about their self, and tucks all that away to never be seen or uttered, must be a very lonely person indeed.”
And so they danced.
When the music was too slow for them, they spun around like careless children, fashioning an intimate moment drenched in the silliness and playfulness that had defined their relationship for as long as they had known each other.
Yet it was gentle, too. Bam thought that Khun was the only person in the world who could carry this childishness with such grace. With one hand entwined with their own, and another on Bam’s waist, Khun went through the steps with ease. Even Bam, despite their nervousness and the heat that radiated from where Khun touched them right above their hip, felt like they could keep time with him easily, Khun leading and Bam following, just like how it had been in the beginning.
Bam had never danced like this before. They’d been taught how to dance along with their etiquette classes, and this skill was put into use quite frequently, but it always felt so clunky and formal no matter how often they danced with strangers. Bam humored themself with the thought that, for all their fronts and games of acting like strangers, a dance with Khun was the first time they had ever felt so intimate with a dancing partner.
They weren’t strangers. But every time they reunited it felt like meeting a new version of Khun, a man who they had so much to learn from, and in turn someone who had plenty to learn from them as well. They both had their separate lives, as they strived to learn more about the world and their places in it, but they would always find their way back to each other, and that was the one constant in this ever-evolving Tower.
They still had so much to learn about themselves, about the sky, about war, and conflict, and identity, and about each other. And, Bam thought, as Khun leaned in closer with his arms wrapped around their neck and his gaze set on their lips, maybe it’s about time they let Khun in on this one last secret.