Archive of Our Own ^beta

He had never understood Inuyasha's choices, and he had never meant to understand them, to begin with. His father's bestowing of Tessaiga unto Inuyasha was, in the end, a sign of pointless compassion towards someone too weak to be worthy of such a boon. One who required further aid in order to defeat a foe like Naraku while bearing that extraordinary blade could never hope to be worthy of respect.

The same was true for countless other fools, namely those who sought the Sacred Jewel: Inuyasha, of course, was one of them. But that wolf demon, as well… and the wind sorceress, attempting to gain his assistance through the pitiful offer of shards from the broken relic. Requiring that wretched object to bolster your own strength was, evidently, a sign of weakness: Naraku was the weakest of them all, chasing down those shards and collecting them to find power he had not earned, power he had never proven worthy of… it was repulsive. At times, the creature's very existence could be affront enough for Sesshomaru to set aside his pride and personal resentment towards Naraku, only to wish to slay him on principle alone. A weak entity such as Naraku did not deserve its own existence, and Sesshomaru would be glad to delete it for good by casting him into the Netherworld through Meido Zangetsuha…

Thus, perhaps, it would seem odd that one with such convictions would have found his beliefs easily brushed aside when a certain priestess with deep, mahogany eyes spoke words he had never believed would leave her lips:

"Sesshomaru: I need your help."

Similar words had never meant anything to him. Anyone who begged for his assistance had immediately appeared inferior in his eyes from that moment onwards. Anyone who wanted to shield themselves behind Sesshomaru's strength was, inherently, admitting to their own weaknesses. And yet…

And yet he knew the priestess was not weak. He knew Kikyo's strength personally, for they had traveled together after a chance encounter in the forest. Theirs was no alliance between the weak-willed: their paths had converged, simple as that, and they had respected each other's needs across their association of months now. When she had wanted to spend time in that village, protecting children while that wretched, two-faced man awaited the chance to let his true self come to the fore of his mind, Sesshomaru had relented. When the purity of Mount Hakurei had prevented him from saving Rin, Kikyo's own arrow had slain the very man she had grown acquainted with during her period in that village. Just so, when Naraku meant to strike her down, he had hesitated upon finding Sesshomaru standing by her side: they had fought the wretched, strengthened demon together and he had fled in the end, swearing he would destroy Kikyo now that he had successfully discarded his weak, human heart. An ironic claim coming from an entity that was all weakness, of course.

Throughout this journey, Kikyo had never expressed to needing Sesshomaru's aid at any point in time. He hadn't done so, either. They had respected each other's boundaries, unspoken as they had been, unless the situation called for intervention: now, however, something had changed. Something related to the boy who had sought to travel with Kikyo merely a few weeks ago, Sesshomaru suspected.

They sat outside a small hut they had taken temporary residence at, speaking quietly now that the children and Jaken were safely asleep indoors, once the mantle of night had fallen. Sesshomaru watched her with intent, waiting for the priestess to explain herself after surprising him with her latest statement.

"You wish to slay Naraku," Kikyo finally started. Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "He has earned no end of animosity from countless people, and he has done as much intentionally. He must be slain, and I trust that we will succeed at accomplishing that task… but only once the corrupt Sacred Jewel is complete once more."

"I have no interest in that trinket," Sesshomaru stated. Kikyo nodded.

"Your strength is your own. There's an honesty to your stubbornness that can be commendable, for certain," she said. "But Naraku is most unlike you. His power does not come from the Jewel alone, but it has certainly bolstered his strength greatly: I intend to turn the Jewel's power against him."

"He can be defeated whether that Jewel is complete or not," Sesshomaru said, but Kikyo shook her head.

"You have already slain him in the past, from my understanding, and he reconverged into a single, twisted entity in Mount Hakurei afterwards: for as long as he holds onto the Jewel, it will be impossible to cut him down for good. I know you understand this. A demon of his power was never going to prove strong enough to overcome your own power, Sesshomaru… but the Jewel ensured otherwise."

"In order to attain our revenge, you believe the Jewel must be fully restored," Sesshomaru stated. "I've said it makes no matter whether it's complete or not, for my power would not be overcome by his blend of inferior demon powers, stolen from countless others. You appear convinced of the opposite: explain yourself, Kikyo."

"A purified shard, merged with the rest of the Jewel, may have the power to overcome the darkness he has been infusing into the rest of the Jewel while it has been in his grasp," Kikyo said. Sesshomaru frowned. "You have witnessed the power of purification against demons. You know a strong enough burst of spiritual powers can purify miasma, renew a rotting forest into a flourishing glade: it is no different to what true purity can achieve if it's given proper form within a shard of the Sacred Jewel. Once merged into a single object, the dark energies will fail to stand against the pure ones: the Jewel will be purified once more, and Naraku's influence upon it will be broken. Just so, the Jewel's bolstering of his power will cease at once. At that point, no amount of regenerative abilities will suffice: if we strike him then, he will be defeated."

"This is what you seek?" Sesshomaru asked. "To request my aid in your scheme to defeat this scum?"

"Yes… and no," Kikyo said, lowering her gaze. "The truth is… you may understand why this choice, my one plan to defeat Naraku, troubles me. That final shard… I have ensured to purify it constantly. In doing so, I have severed Naraku's control over Kohaku. His heart belongs to himself once more. But Kohaku… by all means, the boy would not survive at all were it not for the shard embedded in his neck."

Sesshomaru frowned. The concept of fighting against Naraku side by side with the priestess was rather agreeable, for she was as strong as Sesshomaru himself was, and he didn't doubt such a battle would result in their victory. But that wasn't the sole reason why the priestess had sought him out tonight. Now, upon confessing her inner conflict about this hurdle, Sesshomaru's heart should not have pounded with a hint of compassion or empathy… and yet it did.

Kohaku was a fighter. He was a boy, but one trained to slay demons, even if lesser demons. Kohaku, then, was a child, and one that Kikyo often protected by defeating their foes before he could so much as raise his sickle. He was Kikyo's ward, just as Rin or Jaken were Sesshomaru's. She had successfully protected him thus far… therefore, she was not merely pleading with Sesshomaru so he would help her protect him. No… whatever she wanted, it was not as simple as that.

What would he do, were he faced with a similar conundrum? If Rin's life were a necessary sacrifice to slay Naraku… he would refuse to accept it. The girl was his to protect. Her life, her safety, had set Sesshomaru on this hunt: Naraku had attempted to lure him into becoming part of his wretched conjunction of demons by holding Rin hostage. The arrogance of that lesser creature, the despicable Naraku, could never be forgiven. True strength was not simply found in defeating the enemy one had set his sights on… but in doing so on one's own terms, rather than allowing the foe to choose the manner of their defeat. Sacrifices… they were only for the weak to make. One who called himself truly strong would not be burdened by the need to make any manner of sacrifices…

"What would you ask of me?" Sesshomaru asked. Kikyo, heavily silent now, turned her head towards him. Their eyes met… and he identified a spark of emotion in her gaze. He endeavored to ignore the unnecessary, irrational acceleration of his heartbeats at that sight.

"Your sword, Tenseiga," Kikyo said. Sesshomaru frowned. "I cannot presume to fully understand how it works, even after what you have achieved with it. I suspect you can use it to cut down the pallbearers from the Underworld…"

"You can see them?" Sesshomaru asked, brow furrowing slightly. Kikyo nodded. He wouldn't remark on it any further… but meeting someone who had the skill to see the pallbearers without Tenseiga, or any other means to identify them, certainly was impressive.

"Unfortunately, I do not know if seeing them, and being able to dismiss them, would suffice in the case of Kohaku," Kikyo confessed. "If Tenseiga's sole power is related to cutting them down… I fear Kohaku may be beyond our help."

"Naraku won't take him," Sesshomaru declared. Kikyo hummed softly.

"Even if he fails at that endeavor, I fear this battle will drag on for many years if you're correct," she said. "Until the Jewel is complete, Naraku will continue to command corrupt powers he has not earned, concoct webs of evil and spread his cruelty as far and wide as he dares go. I haven't the faintest hope that he might ease up in the future… he is always scheming and plotting against us all."

"Vermin," Sesshomaru stated, curtly. Kikyo raised her eyebrows.

"Do you believe there is any chance that your powers through your weapon, Tenseiga, might be able to bring Kohaku back to life, permanently?" she asked. Sesshomaru frowned. "He is a child. His life was cut short too soon, and he was but a pawn for Naraku for all this time. The cruelty he has seen and faced… no one should have had to endure it, to feel their own body and mind slipping out of their control, forcing them to commit the cruelest of acts on behalf of someone hellbent on tormenting them. He could not forgive himself for crimes that are not his own. He came to us ready to sacrifice himself to ensure Naraku is killed. By now, he has found belonging among us, a kinship with Rin, and he respects you deeply. I have asked… and he has said that, were he to find a chance to live on, he would like to take it. Even so, he believes and trusts that I will make use of his shard when the time is right… and I intend to. But doing so at the cost of his life… my resolve to do so has crumbled, pitiful as you may find it. Ensuring his protection has become as important to me as slaying Naraku is."

"Vermin such as Naraku should never force you to sacrifice one you intend to protect," Sesshomaru said. Kikyo frowned slightly.

"He has already stolen countless lives…"

"He should have stolen none. Least of all yours."

His words, ever blunt and harsh, stopped Kikyo on her tracks. A soft silence settled between them, as a familiar and yet utterly foreign sensation seemed to resonate painfully in Kikyo's hollow, bone-and-clay body. A sensation she had experienced long ago over another silver-haired man with golden eyes… one whose boisterous, aggressive behavior had hidden unexpected depths and heartfelt need for belonging that she had found to be common ground between them both. Then there was Sesshomaru… and his coldness hid something else. Was it a need for companionship he had never acknowledged, not even to himself? An eternal quest, perhaps, for one to regard as his equal…?

An impulsive, foolish thought that perhaps she could be that person dared blossom in her mind briefly, only for Kikyo to quell it all over again, immediately.

"You ask this for Kohaku's sake," Sesshomaru said. "What of you, Kikyo? Do you refuse to seek a new life for yourself?"

"I have long outlived my natural lifespan," Kikyo said, shaking her head. "The sole purpose of my resurrection is to live long enough to see Naraku defeated."

"You did not return to this world on your terms," Sesshomaru remarked. Kikyo frowned. "Others had designs that you discarded and set aside. They were weak… you were strong."

Kikyo eyed Sesshomaru warily: he was guarded once more, that sharp determination peering through his narrow eyes.

"You have chosen this purpose for yourself. You could have easily chosen another," he declared. Kikyo let out a soft huff.

"To what end?" she asked. "This life I was given, even the previous one… the power I wield entails responsibilities I cannot shirk away. Otherwise… the powers themselves would be corrupted. I would become… an ordinary woman."

Sesshomaru's brow furrowed. Kikyo's hands trembled lightly upon her lap as she raised her gaze at the moon shining above them: her pale complexion seemed to glow underneath that light.

"One such as yourself… could never be an ordinary woman."

His words shook her, perhaps more than the wind that rushed through the night, across rustling tree branches and blades of grass before their eyes. She raised her gaze at Sesshomaru, and he met her eyes with his own, as defiantly as ever.

"That is a rather bold thing of you to say, Sesshomaru."

He didn't respond to her bashful words… he didn't remark on the fact that she was smiling, ever so slightly, upon speaking them.

"Perhaps there is a purity to accepting the impure after all," she said, closing her eyes. "That being said… my circumstances are far more dire than those of Kohaku. He retains his body whereas mine is a vessel, as you know. Without the souls of the dead, I would have long lost the ability to walk this land. I do not ask that you resort to impossible means to provide a true body for myself… I only ask that you assist me in finding a true method to liberate Kohaku from the chains of death, should they attempt to claim him as soon as his shard is removed. Whatever light I may be able to provide to him might prove insufficient, lest I offer him my remaining lifeforce altogether…"

"It will not come to that," Sesshomaru stated. Kikyo lowered her gaze.

"If it did… I would ask of you to ensure that the opportunity to slay Naraku doesn't go to waste," she said. "The purified shard… it might suffice, but there is a chance that it wouldn't. Not in vain were the Priestess Midoriko and her own demons trapped in the Sacred Jewel: her purity could not vanquish them completely."

"Demonic and spiritual powers, merged into one," Sesshomaru said. Kikyo nodded.

"Counterintuitive, isn't it?" she said, with a sad smile. "Demons have sought to slay me all my life. I have, in turn, slain them. I believed we were poised to be enemies for however long I might have to live… and yet now I sit by a great demon lord, hoping for his aid in saving the life of one boy. Perhaps there is, indeed, a balance to be found between both our powers, Sesshomaru… a balance where both of us are closer to each other's essences than is apparent at first sight."

"There is nothing demonic about you," Sesshomaru stated. Kikyo laughed softly.

"Odd that you would say so with such conviction, considering the nature of my resurrection in this body. Truthfully, I do not know if you've said this as an insult or a compliment. You are a curious man," she said. Sesshomaru frowned.

"You claim to be impure, but your circumstances have not dampened your powers in the least," he said. Kikyo raised her eyebrows. "Were you any lesser than before… a body of clay and bone would not wield the powers you do. Your spiritual strength remains true. Any choices, thoughts or wishes you may have, for your personal benefit, would be unlikely change that."

"Spiritual powers are different from demonic ones," Kikyo said, softly. "Thoughts, emotion… they cloud a priestess's mind easily. Wanting something beyond what is meant to be yours… it is a sign of humanity I cannot succumb to. Were I to pursue my wishes blindly, selfishly… I would be no better than the likes of Tsubaki."

"Nonsense," Sesshomaru said. Kikyo smiled weakly.

"You would defend my honor from my own words, Sesshomaru?"

"You wish to end Naraku. If wanting anything is sufficient excuse to dampen your powers, you would not be as powerful as you are now," Sesshomaru said, firmly. Kikyo's fingers clutched at her hakama. "If balance is what it takes… perhaps it is not the balance of purity embodied in you, and demonic strength in me. Perhaps…"

"It takes both kinds of energy, in each of us?" Kikyo asked, softly. Sesshomaru frowned. "Your healing weapon and my kinship with the dead. My need to save this boy's life…"

"It is not a need. It is a want," Sesshomaru stated. Kikyo pursed her lips. "A priestess without purpose beyond liberating this world from Naraku's thrall would not doubt to cut down this boy. You are all the stronger for hesitating."

Kikyo gazed at him, and this time it was his turn to find a conflicting depth in her soul: she couldn't fathom the selfishness that characterized her kind. Humans stood in the perfect intersection between demons and priestesses... and where Sesshomaru had looked down upon them, Kikyo had, possibly, envied them in silence instead. They were not burdened by pursuits of power unless they chose to be, unlike demons. They were not burdened with the restraints of existing for others, unlike priestesses. They had a choice. A choice neither she nor Sesshomaru ever had in their own lives… a choice they might have ignored regardless, even if it had existed. He had wanted, sought power… she had wanted power of her own, for wholly different purposes. Little by little, however, his own need to protect those under his wing had grown inside him… the very need that had guided Kikyo from the first moment. But in all her rationalizing and interpreting the nature of demonic and spiritual powers, it seemed she had gaps in knowledge… namely, knowledge that would have resulted from looking inwards and understanding herself better than she did thus far.

"If Kohaku can be brought to life with our joined powers…" Sesshomaru said. "There is a chance we may yet do the same with you."

"Do not give me such hopes," Kikyo whispered, lowering her head. Sesshomaru frowned. "I don't… what would I do with a new life, were I granted one? My… my time has passed. My time is over, I…"

"You could stand beside me… as my equal."

His words brought a frown to her face, even if they rippled through her body with such impact it almost felt, almost, like she was alive again. She shot him a keen stare, one he responded with his own.

"Is that… your sole purpose in bringing me back, fully?" Kikyo asked. Sesshomaru's brow furrowed. "Answer me, Sesshomaru."

"My sole purpose in bringing you back is to grant you what your first life did not," Sesshomaru said: "A choice."

Kikyo's eyes widened. Again, the breeze blew through the night, bringing strange sensations with it, too. His sincerity could not be doubted… he was not one to lie, or to masquerade his purposes behind half-truths. He wanted her to choose for herself what to make of a new life… and as selfish as it might be, he still hoped that, in the freedom she might attain if this venture succeeded, she would still choose him.

A light smile spread over her lips as she rose to her feet slowly. Sesshomaru frowned but said nothing. He had no reason to be ashamed of what he'd said, no reason to feel ridiculed… and yet that fear surged inside him until he realized her footsteps had carried her closer to him: she knelt right next to him now.

His heart picked up speed once more. He had grown accustomed to her soothing presence, to their long, nighttime conversations regarding their upcoming plans. There had been friction too, whenever Kikyo had been upset by Sesshomaru's dismissiveness of Inuyasha, but even in those regards, their discussions had reached a certain level of respect and understanding of each other's priorities and needs. She had never wanted or cared to share her past with Inuyasha with Sesshomaru, whose prideful nature did not care, either, to hear such tales. Deep down, he could not help but wish it had been him who had met the priestess in life, rather than his brother…

Her eyes seemed more alive to him than those of countless other beings he had crossed paths with, the depth of her emotions more tangible and real than that of anyone who counted themselves amongst the living. Someone like her deserved more than a cursed existence, both in life and in death. He would set her free from those restraints…

But he knew she would be the one who would choose to do so for herself.

"This choice you offer…" she asked, softly. "It can only come about once our quest has been successful. Kohaku must be saved. By then… I shall make that choice."

"Is that so?" Sesshomaru asked: his pounding heart raged with an unnatural emotion he had no recollection of experiencing before as his eyes lost themselves in her beautiful features. He felt the urge to say she had already appeared to have made her choice… but the words, as it often happened when he spoke with her, didn't find their way to his lips.

"Is this agreeable with you?" Kikyo asked.

"It is your choice," he said, finally.

Kikyo smiled, lowering her gaze. Focused as he remained on her, he watched carefully as she raised a small hand, hardened over the years of work as a priestess, of combat and archery… and she placed it carefully atop his own.

"The balance we spoke of… I fear I do not understand its nature just yet," she whispered. "A lifetime of effort might not suffice in helping me unravel it. But perhaps… it isn't with our minds that we must understand it, but with our hearts. Something unthinkable for me as I am… for I do not have a heart."

"You remind yourself of it too often for that to be the truth," Sesshomaru said. Kikyo glanced at him in confusion. "Your soul remains yours, whether in a body of clay or a body of flesh, it makes no matter. Do you feel nothing, Kikyo?"

She shivered as he frowned, angling his body towards hers. His hand clasped hers, and she could feel his warmth even if her body couldn't translate it properly… a sad huff left her lips as she shook her head.

"I feel echoes. Ripples of long-lost and suddenly reclaimed emotions I never believed I'd experience again. But were this a real body…"

"It will be, in time. What you have experienced in this one is no less real for it."

Kikyo didn't know how he found ways to dispense wisdom in this way, taking her by surprise with his insight into her soul and her inner struggles. But the more he saw through her, the more he seemed to understand her, the more she understood him. Where there had been distance in the past, now their very souls seemed to be bridged perfectly. That balance she couldn't quite unravel, the perfect collision of their conflicting energies, seemed to lead them to cancel each other out… and once they did, their eyesight would be cleansed from the fogs that had long burdened them. One, with the beliefs of humanity's inferiority. The other, with beliefs of demons' uncontrollable brutality. Suddenly, they found in each other everything they had believed their kind lacked…

And in the union of their lips, they understood the true connection that existed between beings of natures quite as different, and just so, quite as similar to each other's.

The innocent spark in Kikyo's soul upon kissing him took the form of a wild fire inside him. His sole arm surrounded her waist, reeling her closer, deepening their exchange beyond what was appropriate, for suddenly no barriers, no boundaries, seemed to exist between two souls as perfectly matched as theirs…

Her thumbs caressed the stripes over his cheeks gently once their kiss ended. Her brow pressed to his, his nose brushing hers…

Tenseiga, at his hip, pulsated with surges of energy unlike any Sesshomaru had sensed before. And yet he wanted to ignore it if just for one more moment of this, one more moment of her…

A simple request for his aid and assistance in one complicated quest to save a boy's life had changed gradually, bestowing upon them not only the power to preserve Kohaku's existence, but to genuinely resurrect Kikyo… and in doing so, affording her the choice to finally experience a life lived freely, for the very first time.