Chapter Text
Evie was looking at her reflection in the mirror. She looked beautiful with her white wedding dress and her hair and make-up done. But she didn’t feel beautiful at all. Her eyes were bloodshot and even the excessive use of eye drops didn’t help her ease their pain. It was hard to see that way. Even the doctor her mother made her visit, told her that they might’ve gotten damaged from all of her crying. After that, she gave Evie a long lecture on how immature she was being. But Evie couldn’t seem to stop, because the aching in her heart didn’t stop.
Last night, she cried herself to sleep yet again. She thought it would get easier, but it never did.
She couldn’t sleep. Carlos kept checking on her when she went to sleep over at his apartment. Evie went there sometimes now that she didn’t have her own place anymore and when her mother kept bossing her around. She couldn’t stay in her old bedroom anymore. Jay even tried to knock some sense into her, but even telling her that she was losing her mind due to no sleep didn’t help, or Carlos's subtle reminders that she was losing weight due to no eating.
She was a mess. She knew that. She was a burden to everyone around her. Evie was self-destructing herself and she knew that was affecting everyone around.
Every time she fell asleep she would dream of Mal. It was so vivid every time, it felt so real that she couldn’t possibly accept the reality afterward. There would be dreams of her and Mal in high school and she knew they weren’t real. But Mal would help her dye her hair blue and she would help Mal make her hair all purple. And they would be laughing and everything would feel alright for a second.
There were dreams where everything was twisted. She would dream of Mal and Harry or Harry and herself, and everything there wouldn’t feel right at all.
To say Evie was tired was an understatement. She couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat, she couldn’t function anymore and she was going insane thrown into a vortex of emotions. But as she looked at her reflection right at this moment, she felt nothing anymore. She was going to get married in an hour and everything would end. Right?
The hotel room door creaked as it opened and she watched in the reflection of the mirror as Carlos walked in. For a split second, she could’ve sworn that it was Mal walking in. The familiar headache made itself present as she struggled to keep herself up.
“Hey,” Carlos greeted her softly. “How are you holding up there?”
“I’m fine,” she managed to answer, not recognizing her hoarse voice.
“You look beautiful,” Carlos smiled and put his hands on her shoulders. “I know you probably will not eat this, but I managed to steal it on my way here,” he handed her a small sandwich wrapped in paper. Evie felt sick just looking at it, but swallowed down and forced a smile, taking it and setting it in front of the mirror.
“Thank you.”
“Everything is ready and everyone is waiting for the ceremony to start,” Carlos informed her and moved a stool to sit next to her. Evie nodded slowly and massaged her temple. “Do you have a headache again?” Carlos asked, noticing her blank stare.
“Yes, but I’m sure it will pass. I will just take a pill and I will be good to go,” Evie forced a reassuring smile and stood up to go to her bag. Her dress made the walk ten times harder.
“Evie,” Carlos started looking at his hands. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Evie sighed and poured herself a glass of water before swallowing the pill.
“You know I don’t have a choice.” Carlos huffed at her words.
“You always have a choice, E. You taught me that, remember?” he replied, looking at her with hopeful eyes. Evie didn’t remember, she seemed to not remember anything other than Mal anymore. She felt out of her body as if everything she had ever felt was in another life.
“You don’t have to do this,” as Carlos said those words for a split second she was met with green eyes and blond hair. Evie gasped as Carlos disappeared and in his place, she could see Mal clearly. Evie gasped at the sudden change and grasped the table behind her for support. Carlos appeared again sitting up abruptly. “Are you sure you are alright?” he asked with concern in his eyes.
“Yes, could you just leave me alone for a second?” Evie said back with more forcible than she wanted to sound.
Carlos just nodded and walked to the door, opening it slowly. “I will be just outside, let me know if you need me,” he added, giving her one last look before exiting.
Evie closed her eyes and sighed feeling bad for making Carlos leave, but she wasn’t in the right state of mind right now. She needed to pull herself together and finish what she started.
“Why didn’t you fight for me?” Evie’s eyes snapped open, finding green ones. Mal was sitting on the small sofa, staring at her. It took a minute of silence for Evie to realize this wasn’t real, her heart beating rapidly in her chest. She was going insane. She thought the lack of sleep made her hallucinate, she was pretty sure Jay told her this one time.
“You are not real,” Evie mumbled to herself, grabbing the headache pills from the table behind her.
“You love me, yet you continue denying it to yourself,” Mal’s voice echoed in the room. Evie closed her eyes again swallowing a few more pills feeling how they made their way down her throat painfully. She could feel her pulse all over her body and how it trebled softly. “Look at me,” Mal spoke again and Evie opened her eyes. Why was this happening to her? She wanted to cry but it felt like all her tears were used up already, instead, she tried to contain her shaky breath.
Mal’s strong gaze did not leave her even for a second. She was so vivid before her and yet Evie knew she wasn’t there at all.
“You broke all of your rules for me,” Mal started walking with silent steps around her, not breaking eye contact. “You made me fall in love with you,” the blond continued accusing her. “You kept finding excuses not to be with me,”
“That’s-” Evie tried to make her stop, but Mal continued to interrupt her. “You know it’s true. Deep down you know it,”
A ghost of a whisper in her ear. “You wanted me the first time you saw me, even though I was someone else’s,”
Evie shut her eyes again. “Stop!” she yelled falling on her knees, gasping for air. She grabbed the fabric of her wedding dress in her fists, breathing heavily. As she opened her eyes again, Mal was gone and Carlos was standing next to the door looking at her with worry.
“Are you alright?” he asked with worry on his voice, walking to her.
“No,” she said truthfully with tears burning in her eyes. Carlos helped her stand up on shaking legs, offering her a glass of water.
She took a small sip as Carlos asked her, “What happened?”
“I-” she started but her eyes fell on Mal still sitting on the couch studying her with piercing green eyes. Carlos followed Evie’s stunned stare but there was nothing there.
“Evie, there’s nothing there. What’s going on?” he asked again, worriedly standing in front of Evie trying to catch her blank stare. She finally found his eyes and looked at him for a long time.
“I’m ready, let’s go.” Evie finally said and wrapped her hands around him in a needy hug which he returned cautiously.
The walk to the ballroom was a daze to Evie. She could feel Carlos's caring eyes on her from time to time but she held her head high, trying to contain her shaking body and needing to empty her stomach as they walked to her wedding.
Evie was a walking corpse. The lack of sleep catching up to her, and no energy in the limbs, she struggled to walk down the altar. She was grateful that Jay was holding her as the music started and all eyes were on her. The music didn’t feel like music at all but an annoying sound that made her head ring and explode with pain.
As the priest was talking, Chad’s smiling face would morph into Mal’s pained expression, reminding her of all the pain she caused her. But after a blink, she would disappear.
And everything was a blur, one second she would be looking at her mother a few feet away from her, and the next she would be looking at Chad’s moving lips. As she talked, it was like she wasn’t the one talking at all. Her heartbeat would ring in her ears and then she would black out again.
“Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.” There was silence in the room, as Evie snapped in, subtly looking around as if Mal would really appear any moment and put an end to this nightmare Evie was experiencing. But deep down she knew that nothing could save her now.
The priest cleared his throat before speaking. “As there are no objections-”
“I object!” Carlos stood up abruptly, breathing heavily. Evie’s heart jumped in her throat. All eyes turned to him and Evie watched as her mother started walking hurriedly towards him.
“I object!” Jay stood up next to him, holding Carlos's hand and smiling at Evie.
Evie watched as Audry stood up, followed up by Uma who winked her way. People started to gasp and whisper and she watched her mother’s horrific state as she started to yell to her friends.
But as her eyes welled up, she felt grounded for the first time in a long time. She felt the love all of her friends showed her at this exact moment.
It was harder to see with her bloodshot eyes and the tears in them, but as she walked to the exit surrounded by her friends, ignoring her mother's screams thrown her way, she felt free.
A curse broken down.