Work Text:
sae-byeok has always been competitive.
growing up in a quaint, small town back in the north meant her family knew most of the others in the area. which, in addition, meant every kid would play together during town gatherings. sae-byeok never liked to mingle with the other kids, much to her mothers dismay.
she would constantly usher sae-byeok out into the streets where everyone else was, and sae-byeok would never let her. she would grab onto her leg, or onto a chair, anything. eventually her mother had just given up, letting sae-byeok sit with her as she cooked. the other mom's would laugh, doting on her and assuring her that she was just shy.
though one particular new year, her brother had instigated a game of tag, and forced her to come along.
after some initial hesitation, sae-byeok finally agreed. her mother had cheered, almost jumping with joy because 'her little girl had finally come out of her shell'. she smiled back at her and her father, watching as he wrapped a protective arm over her belly.
silently, sae-byeok wished it was a boy. if he would be anything like her oppa. of course she never told her parents this, just telling them she was excited to be an older sister. what they didn't know was that she had crossed her fingers behind her back.
the game was simple enough. someone gets chosen to be the tagger, and the rest, well, they run away while the one chosen had to catch the next one. easy.
all the kids gathered around in a circle as someone grabbed an empty bottle, using it as a spinner to choose the tagger.
it spins wobbly, sae-byeok almost speaks up to say this wasn't the best bottle they could have used, but she opts to stay quiet. attentive eyes watched as it started to slow, scratching slightly against the road beneath them. suddenly, it comes to a halt, and all of the kids gasp, before they start to point.
"kang sae-byeok!" one of the little boys scream, and another repeats, "kang sae-byeok is the tagger!"
her brother looks down at her, smiling. and then, like clockwork, he's asking, "do you still wanna play?" everyone looks at them, curious. all the kids knew who her brother was, but not her. they knew her as the lonely kid. the one who'd never joined in on any of the fun.
with a sigh, she looks away from him, looking around at every kid in the circle. then, she yells out. "RUN!"
she watches as they all scatter like ants, kids little and tall, though most smaller than her, save for her brother. it's almost overwhelming, deciding who to go after first, but she takes a minute, analysing which ever kid was running slowest.
ultimately, she decides on one of the scruffy boys who would always mock her. albeit not because they were going slow. every time there was a gathering, they would come up to her, telling her that she probably stunk, which was why she never wanted to play.
sae-byeok wanted to show them who really stunk.
suddenly, she's off, her target locked. she chases after the same 2 boys until eventually, one of them trips on a rock, causing him to stumble a little and slow down. she smiles at this, catching up to him easily before tapping him roughly on the shoulder. "you're it!"
the thrill and joy of running around had been like no other feeling she'd felt before, and when she'd come home all sweaty and gross, her mother had told her she was proud, and her dad and brother had followed suit. and she beamed up at them, before getting distracted by dinner.
after the battle with her mom to get changed was over, (her mom had won.) she sat at their wooden table as she enjoyed her naengmyeon. and while her cheeks were stuffed her parents had called a 'family meeting', even though they were all already at the dining table.
"your mother and i have an announcement to make," her dad declared, putting one leg up on the chair and starting a drum roll on an upside down bowl with his chopsticks. her mother flicks his knee, but laughs anyway. "we're having a boy!" eomma says, cheerful.
her eyes light up and she stands up, swallowing her food down hurriedly. "i'm gonna have a little brother?" she asks, unable to believe it. they'd heard her, someone had heard her. her wishes had come true.
eomma smiled brightly, leaning down and cupping her cheeks, "yes! and you're going to be an amazing big sister."
they all look up as her oppa stands, his hand coming down to ruffle sae-byeok's hair. "thank god, i wasn't sure if i could handle another sae-byeok." he says, and her mother hits him on the head. he breaks the serious act, laughing now. "ow! i was joking! you know that, right sae?"
"hmm, i don't know. you sounded pretty serious to me."
a few hours later, when she's been tucked in and had received her nightly kiss on the forehead, she repeats, moreso to herself. "i'm going to have a little brother." her mom let's her kiss her belly (her brother) goodnight, and before her dad turned off the lights and shut the door, he simply states, "i love you, sprout."
sae-byeok yawns, tired, yet content. "i love you too, appa."
***
now, as she sits in her dorm, stretching out her neck, sae-byeok sighs. tired.
she'd just finished the sketch portion of one of the most important paintings she would ever be doing. and she was exhausted. the idea wasn't hard to come up with, especially with such a giving prompt. the theme was 'the best moment of your life.' which was, granted, a little more personal than sae-byeok would've wanted. but it was alright, emotion tended to make her art better. even if she didn't prefer to combine the two.
after a few short hours or mulling it over, sae-byeok had decided to choose the day she'd found out cheol was going to be a boy.
it was between that, and his birth. but things were starting to get.. complicated, when cheol was born. sure, they had 2 or so years all together before the plague, but even the years leading up to that had started to become more chaotic, as little problems started to rise in their small town.
as if shaking her thoughts away, she shook her head. there was no time for her to reminisce. not when she was supposed to be working.
her school had somehow managed to make it on the list of schools that would be competing to get into one of the most revered art schools in south korea. an opportunity like this didn't come very often, especially for sae-byeok. this was a big, big deal.
most students weren't so excited about this.
actually, none of them cared, spare for the small group of artists at the school.
emphasis on small.
but that didn't make the competition any slimmer, hers was only one of the ten schools that would be submitting in works just to get a chance at competing. sae-byeok wasn't gonna let anything get in her way. she was competing for that spot, and she would do anything to get there.
one student from each school would be chosen to compete with the other chosen ones from each school. sae-byeok had complete confidence that she was going to be the chosen one. not because she thought she was amazing, sae-byeok wasn't cocky. not in the slighest.
no, it was because there were about 4 other students entering, and none of them really threatened her all that much.
in the midst of getting up from her chair to stretch, she accidentally knocks over her water jar, cursing silently as it soaked her floor. and her socks. "shit-"
she hurried to clean it up, throwing off her socks and grabbing one of her rags to soak up the water. luck really wasn't on her side. well, with the exception of the contest. luck was on her side then. or maybe it was just chance. sae-byeok isn't sure if she even believes in luck.
with a groan, she plops down face first into her bed, checking the schedule she'd created on her calendar. sae-byeok had to finish more than just the initial sketch tonight, especially if she wanted to make it on time.
she should've just done a sport.
***
it's a week before the deadline, when she realizes;
she'd lost all her paintbrushes.
and yeah, maybe that was a bit negligent on her behalf. maybe she shouldn't have been carrying them around campus, but she needed them that particular day, and who would've guessed, keeping them in the side pocket was a bad idea.
normally, she would've never done something like this. if anyone was careful, it was sae-byeok. but she was tired. many sleepless nights and hours upon hours crouched over in front of an easel can do that to a person. who would've guessed. sae-byeok definitely did not.
her roommate, mi-nyeo, only laughs in her face when she asks for her help to find it. and for once in her entire 3 years of knowing her, sae-byeok admits she was right. there were thousands of students on campus, anyone could have picked them up, or thrown them away, or maybe they were stepped on. broken and alone in the grass.
whatever it was, she was certain that she was never going to get them back, and because there weren't any stores close enough to buy some more, and she was really cutting it close on her time, she decided there was only one thing left for her to do.
borrow.
it wasn't as petrifying as sae-byeok made it seem like, was what mi-nyeo had said. but sae-byeok really didn't like talking to people unless absolutely necessary. and even then, she hated asking for help, let alone help that made her seem like an idiot.
so, she ventures out onto campus, a list of students in her art class in hand.
she starts out with the people she already knew. getting through them first would be easy. she had already spoken to them before, asking to borrow some extra supplies they might already have shouldn't hurt. and it definitely should not make her as nervous as she felt.
but there was something about being helpless, even if it was just in the form of not having a measly paintbrush.
it made sae-byeok scared. vulnerable. like she was at risk of something. it was a feeling she knew well, and yet she hated it more and more each time she had the displeasure of feeling that way. and even if it had been worse before, she'd had much worse at risk than some contest. her own life, even, her family's life.
that doesn't mean it feels much better.
she isn't expecting it, but it starts to feel a little easier as she gets through the list. there is a lingering thought that tells her the further down she gets, the less of a chance she has to get what she actually needs; the paintbrushes. a person willing to give- let her borrow something of theirs, something they likely need as well.
but this was a simple task? wasn't it? and plus, if no one really wanted to lend any to her, she could just buy some. though it would be a waste of money. and time. considering she had to catch a train to get out of town.. and then pay for the paintbrushes, which, if she wanted ones that wouldn't shed artificial hair on all of her hard work, or fall apart at the first few strokes, would be kind of expensive..
okay. so she really did need someone to be kind enough to help out- or stupid enough. (sae-byeok would never in a million years trust another person to return something borrowed. even if it was just an eraser. high school students are cruel, and forgetful.)
her nervousness dissipates almost completely by the time she's heading towards the dormitory on the other side of campus, towards the very last person on her list.
that is, until, she realizes; this was the last person on her list.
shit.
breathing in heavily, as if it helped. sae-byeok knocks, eyes locked on the shitty '240' written outside of the door in permanent marker. the this was an art student with terrible handwriting. just like her. maybe she could bring it up as a topic of conversation to break the ice?
no. no one wants to hear about how terrible their handwriting it. that was an awful idea.
the door opens before she can knock a third time, and before she figures out a good conversation starter. ultimately, she decides to give up on trying with the whole small talk thing. it was a waste of time, anyways. "uh- hi. can i ask you something?"
"no, i'm not interested in joining the bible study."
sae-byeok almost laughs, wondering how many times she'd been asked to warrant this kind of reaction. she'd never been the one to answer their door. but min-nyeo often complained about them. "no- it's not that. i'm kang sae-byeok from professor gi-hun's class?"
leaning her arm against the door frame, the girl smiles. "oh. right." (her face doesn't have any semblance of recognition.) "i'm ji-yeong. what did you need?"
she fiddles with the zipper of her jacket, thinking over the best way to phrase this. this was her last chance. she better pull out something good, unless she wanted to spend hefty amount on a stupid paintbrush. "i'm sure you know about the contest, i'm working on my submission and i uh.. lost all my paintbrushes."
ji-yeong laughs at her, right in her face. she almost thinks she's gonna shut the door on her.
"well, shit man. R.I.P your paintbrushes."
sae-byeok bristles, getting to the point. "yeah- well i was, hoping if i could maybe borrow some of yours?"
"sure."
she had to stop herself from jumping in excitement. that was unnecessary. she was just glad this was finally over. the overpriced art store would not be seeing a visit from sae-byeok anytime soon. "thank you, i've been asking around all da-"
"but on one condition." she continues, and sae-byeok can't stop her brows from furrowing. "condition?"
the girl nods at her, all calm, like she told strangers about her 'conditions' on a daily basis. like this didn't affect her, like it didn't matter. maybe it doesn't. it would make sense if it didn't. "you have to paint here. because you could totally just run off with my shit, and i can't really afford to replace that."
something in her wants to argue, then she realizes, she was right. sae-byeok wouldn't even try to compromise. sae-byeok would have shut the door.
"deal."
as ji-yeong holds out her hand for what sae-byeok assumes is a handshake, she looks interested for the first time this whole time. maybe handshakes amused her. sae-byeok doesn't know. but she would play nice, because she'd just given her something she needed, something no one else wanted to.
"alright cool. now go bring your shit over."
***
sae-byeok didn't really think about the logistics of painting with another artist in a cramped dorm room.
her expectations, of which there were really none, were very quickly surpassed, when she walks in and realizes; ji-yeong doesn't have a bed. at first, she decides to do the polite thing, and not ask about it. because maybe she'll explain on her own. surely she's aware sae-byeok would notice.. right?
as she's setting up her easel right behind ji-yeong's own, she starts to feel uneasy.
it's never crossed her mind that this was an odd set up. they were both fighting for the same spot, the spot for the single student to be chosen from each school to earn their spot in the actual contest. the one where they had a chance at getting into a school they could have only dreamed about before this opportunity.
she and ji-yeong were competitors.
and yet, ji-yeong was helping her. with no other questions asked. not holding anything over her head, just a simple favor of doing her work in her territory. for safety reasons. the safety of her paintbrushes.
but sae-byeok isn't scared of ji-yeong. mostly because she had the upper hand.. size wise. also, ji-yeong didn't really look like the fighting type. and if she were, sae-byeok would have no problem knocking her down. of course, only if need be.
so it wasn't that ji-yeong could hurt her physically, that wasn't what she was worried about.
sae-byeok was worried about something else entirely. and what makes this even worse is that she's not even sure what that thing is.
instead of worrying about something she can't even name, let alone describe, sae-byeok tries to calm herself down. her original crisis had been solved, she didn't have to go out spend more money, and didn't have to fret about not being able to get her submission on time.
all she needed to do was paint.
in ji-yeong's cramped dorm room. with ji-yeong right in front of her.
no biggie.
while she works on the background, her thoughts wander. lingering in places she hasn't been in awhile. hasn't thought about in awhile. her childhood home was always a sore topic for her, even the good times.
it wasn't nice, being reminded of the good people who are no longer in your life. who never will be.
but she had to, be reminded. because this needed to be good. sae-byeok doesn't think she needs to be honest for things to be good, but her professor, gi-hun had talked her ear off multiple times about how important it was, to tell real stories through her work and all that.
sae-byeok didn't agree, but she knew he was right.
she really needed to get into this contest, and if digging up her rocky past was what it took, then so be it.
her thinking is interrupted when ji-yeong asks her something, which she unsurprisingly doesn't quite hear. "sorry- what was that?" she asks, and ji-yeong takes her eyes off of her own canvas, peering over at her. "where will you sleep?"
"what do you mean?"
ji-yeong puts her brush down, leaning backwards on her little stool to stretch out her back. "i mean, i'm sure you stay up sometimes. right?" sae-byeok nods once she realizes she had been waiting for a response. "are you gonna walk back across campus at 5 in the morning?"
well. there's something she hadn't thought of.
"where do you sleep?"
she tilts her head, brows furrowing. "what?"
"where's your bed?"
as if she had just realized something, ji-yeong laughs. "oh- i totally forgot. i actua- you know what, let me show you." standing quickly, sae-byeok follows suit as ji-yeong opens a creaky sliding door, revealing a mattress shoved inside. sae-byeok isn't able to stop herself when she speaks out, "you sleep in the closet?"
shrugging, ji-yeong explains, "well, they gave me a closet and i didn't have many clothes, so."
sae-byeok nods, she was right. beats sitting on your bed to do absolutely anything. at least ji-yeong had room for a chair. and a little futon folded over on a wooden plank to mimic a couch in the corner of her room with a heart-shaped pillow. "you still haven't answered my question,"
"where will you sleep?"
looking around the room, sae-byeok decides right then and there that no, she couldn't lug back to her own dorm every night. that was too much work. she would be far too tired, so she was going to have to sleep here. with a sigh, she says, "i'll take the futon."
***
ji-yeong quickly becomes.. bearable.
that was a lie. in reality, she'd actually become one of sae-byeok's closest friends. apparently, sharing an interest and spending every minute except class hours with someone can do that to people.
the futon isn't half bad, either. she was just a smidge too tall for it. but it was soft, and she really, couldn't complain. she had accidentally knocked her head into the nighstand where ji-yeong's old tv had rested, but no one needs to know about that. ji-yeong certainly didn't.
though she did wonder where that bruise had come from, sae-byeok told her she didn't know.
many sleepless nights, nights where they rock, paper, scissors to decide who paid for coffee, and nights where they talked. about anything and everything. sae-byeok hadn't felt so comfortable with someone before, able to let go of herself entirely whenever she was around her. it was as close she felt as being herself, when she was with someone else.
and before they know it, it's submission day.
their final night together was well spent, helping each other out towards the last little details to finish and making sure the other didn't spiral into a nervous breakdown. (neither of them are good with themselves, especially during high pressure situations.)
sae-byeok's working on the final touches, when she feels a presence behind her.
careful hands tap on her shoulder lightly, and when she cranes her neck to look behind her she's met with a face. right in front of hers. ji-yeong starts to rest her chin on her shoulder, now that she's made aware of her presence, and she points something out.
"where are the two little moles underneath your left eye?"
for someone with such terrible eyesight without her glasses, sae-byeok isn't sure how ji-yeong notices some things. and it's not with everything, either. it took ji-yeong a whole 3 days to notice the scar on her neck. and yet she's been taking note of the two tiny dots underneath her eye since the day they'd met, ones she hadn't even given mind to.
shrugging, sae-byeok responds, "i don't know if i need to include them- should i?"
ji-yeong stares at her canvas for awhile, thinking it through. "nah. i'm probably the only one who even notices them." she replies, and sae-byeok yawns, continuing to work on the final highlights, and fixing all the little things she'd put off for later.
when she takes a short break, she feels ji-yeong creeping up behind her again.
"if you're gonna try and scare me, just know it's not going to work."
with a defeated sigh, ji-yeong moves to sit beside her, opposite of the little tray she'd kept all her paint on. "i know." and then she's thinking about something, before she continues, worried. "i've never actually startled you.. right?"
she shakes her head. ji-yeong knew about most of the things sae-byeok had gone through, and vise versa. she's never been more compelled to do her best- to be her best for someone else. she's only lucky it was someone who was willing to do the same for her. "no, but i might punch you if you do. so stop trying." she jokes, a ghost of a smile on her lips.
with a scoff, ji-yeong knocks the hat off of sae-byeok's head, causing it to fall over her face. "hey!"
ji-yeong ignores her as she moves to sit in front of her own canvas, staring at it for awhile before seeming to find something wrong with it. there usually was nothing, wrong with it. sae-byeok has always been awed everytime she comes round the other side to take a look at ji-yeong's work.
she was an excellent painter.
but every time ji-yeong decides something needs to be worked on, sae-byeok stays quiet, knowing she's seen it get better and better each time.
while ji-yeong's immersed in her own painting, sae-byeok decides to add in the moles after all. if ji-yeong noticed, it would make it better. ji-yeong knew what she was doing. that's why she was so good.
better than her.
***
they both make it through to compete.
turns out, a group of kids from another school had cheated. something about their teacher getting involved and doing most of the work, sae-byeok isn't sure. after hearing that two people would be chosen from their school instead of one, she had stopped listening.
her and ji-yeong are the ones, surprise surprise. (not at all, the other 3 students had turned in late.)
but they're both ecstatic about in nonetheless. ji-yeong even invites sae-byeok over to drink some mojitos. which, was not allowed on school grounds. but then again, it's not like anyone ever did inspections, anyways.
if mi-nyeo could get away with sneaking in her suspicious boyfriend through their window, then sae-byeok could get away with having a few sips of an equally suspicious drink. ji-yeong didn't have the first clue on how to make one. used google to figure it out.
google didn't help.
sae-byeok sits on ji-yeong's closet mattress, laughing uncontrollably as the girl in front of her struggles to clean up her spilled drink. what? just because the mojito wasn't good doesn't mean it didn't work. sae-byeok has a theory that the worse it's made, the faster it gets her drunk.
"here- let me help." she tries, looking around for a cloth, because ji-yeong had been using her hands. and she thinks she knows her well enough to have had noticed if her hands could soak up water. they couldn't.
when she has no luck finding one that isn't already covered with paint, she sighs.
with a tsk, she takes off her shirt, using it to soak up the puddle of vodka. ji-yeong plops down on the floor, narrowly missing the leg of an easel. it didn't matter much, their painting's had already been sent off.
"you owe me 10,000 won, byeok."
confused, sae-byeok lays on the floor next to ji-yeong, resting her head on the mattress she'd previously been on. "what do you mean? you haven't lent me money? and our coffee's don't count." she questions.
ji-yeong rolls over to face her, smiling, "not that, dumbass. the bet."
"bet?"
"you said if someone got your shirt off before may, you'd give me 10,000 won."
sae-byeok rolls her eyes, "this doesn't count."
the girl beside her starts to poke her ribs lightly, she briefly thinks about how she would never let anyone else do this to her. "yes it does! shirt's off. give me the money." she starts to whine, and usually, it would annoy her. but all she can think of is how cute she is. it's probably the alcohol. "is this a threat?"
"depends. is a drunk girl on the floor threatening to you?"
she doesn't know why she ever made a bet with ji-yeong. she should've seen this coming, honestly. "whatever. it still doesn't count."
"fine." ji-yeong gives up, with one final dramatic sigh.
they lay there in silence for awhile, basking in the feeling of the alcohols burn, tamed by the coolness of the tiled floor. sae-byeok thinks this is the lightest she's ever felt. or maybe it's the smell of paint mixing with the vodka. "where are you gonna sleep tonight?" ji-yeong asks, pulling her out of her thoughts.
she told mi-nyeo she was coming home tonight. but she thinks she doesn't care. sae-byeok certainly doesn't. "i don't think i can move." she says honestly. she really didn't. nodding, ji-yeong yawns, moving to sprawl out on her matress. "okay enjoy the floor."
"what? no. scoot over."
"this is my bed."
never did she think she would be banished to the floor. but then again, it was a very ji-yeong thing to do. she's almost about to agree, feeling her eyes were starting to close and she was tired enough to pass out right then and there. "we can share."
ji-yeong gasps, scandalized. "are you coming onto me?" she says, but she scoots over anyways, even lifting up the blanket so sae-byeok can climb underneath. once she's situated, ji-yeong immediately cuddles into her, head tucked into her neck, a leg slinging over her. she felt hotter than usual, but it was probably just the alcohol, again.
"go to sleep." sae-byeok mutters into her hair, an arm wrapping around her.
they would forget about this tomorrow.
***
the actual submission for the spot brought upon more stress than sae-byeok had anticipated.
along with her own paintbrushes.
to quote on quote, 'even out the playing field' all of the students that were chosen had been given the exact same supplies to work with, minus the canvas itself. this meant she could work on her own again, without ji-yeong. in her own dorm.
they had been given a month, and for the first week, working in her dorm hadn't been too bad. it was just like before. just like how it was supposed to be. and yet.. sae-byeok found herself missing something. or, if she were to be more honest, someone.
she'd gotten used to ji-yeong's dorm and antics. and maybe she'd even grown fond of them.
sae-byeok missed ji-yeong.
and much to her surprise, ji-yeong had felt the same way. with one text on a faithful friday, ji-yeong had summoned sae-byeok back to her dorm, with the excuse of how no one was cleaning up her messes. and sae-byeok agreed, going along with it.
'there are no messes to clean up, here.'
they both knew the truth. both know the other had missed them, because they felt the same way. could see it in the other's eyes. but neither of them dared comment on it, enjoying the familiarity of their back and fourth. of them.
a week with ji-yeong turns into a month, and suddenly, the deadline is closer than ever.
it feels much realer, now. this was it. unlike last time, which was just the initial submission to enter the contest, this was it, this was the real thing. one of them could very well win it all. take that spot. have what they've always wanted.
it was a shame it had to be only one of them.
but that's how the world worked. it was unfair.
the deadline creeps closer and closer, and sae-byeok's finding it hard to ignore. finding it hard to pretend like she isn't absolutely horrified. she'd been working up to this moment for years. and this was it. she wondered if ji-yeong felt the same.
if she felt as if the world would collapse from underneath her at any moment, like her heart was trying to leave her. like her body was numb, sometimes. it had made her grow warry. warry of things she tried hard not to think about. like how ji-yeong was her competition. like how were likely to be torn apart.
sae-byeok just doesn't wanna be the one left behind. (doesn't wanna be the one leaving, either.)
ji-yeong smiles at her, and she smiles back, despite her thoughts drowning her in her own mind. "i'm gonna head to the bathroom real quick." she says, and sae-byeok nods at her curtly. wondering how to quiet down her thoughts. wondering how to stop-
a thought crosses her mind as the door clicks shut.
she was currently in a room, alone. a room where her biggest competitor, her biggest threat had set up her station. she was alone with ji-yeong's work. her canvas. there were no camera's, and she was far, far away. all the way across the hall, in the comfort room.
no. sae-byeok couldn't. that would be unfair. wrong.
sae-byeok would never intentionally ruin someone's dream, even if they threatened to ruin her own.
but as time went on it certainly started to get more and more compelling. almost as if the canvas was calling out to her, mocking her with it's great detail, a certain nuance she herself could never achieve, even with years of practice. she scoffed, as if the painting could hear her.
the voices started to get louder and louder, laughing now. the canvas starred at her, mocking her. how could she even think she had a chance at winning, when this was in the line up? she shouldn't even bother trying.
it continued. getting louder, and louder, until eventually, she found her fingers gliding over it's edge, picking at the stapler holding it all together in the corner. vaguely, she feels her hand moving, higher, and higher, right towards the center of the canvas.
her hand curled into a fist, and before she could even think about what she was doing her fist tightened, inching closer and closer, until-
"sae-byeok?"
she snapped out of it, gulping. guilty.
nothing had happened yet, she hadn't done anything. was interrupted before she could. but what if she wasn't. what if ji-yeong wasn't quick enough? could she have gotten away with it? could she have eliminated her? the ji-yeong. the one who helped her. the one that was better. her friend.
could she have done that to her?
"hey- i uh, there was a hair on it." she made up a lie. she was always told to be good at lying. at least, here, in the south. her oppa could always figure her out when she was lying back a home. "oh. that's weird, i swore that middle was completely dry."
sae-byeok shrugs, "maybe it just happened to stick on."
sitting back down now, ji-yeong nods, "maybe." she says before grabbing her water jug from the ground, gulping some of it down. when she's done, she wipes off her mouth with her arm, suddenly laughing. "if i didn't know any better, i'd think you were trying to sabotage me."
she feels a shiver along her spine. maybe she should have brought her windbreaker. "good thing you know,"
"know what?"
"better."
***
soon enough, it's the day of submission. which, was also the same day as the announcement.
it was definitely unexpected. announcing the winner the same day the finalists would turn in their final project? that was surprising. sae-byeok doesn't know how they'll even decide so quick.
but maybe they've already made their decision.
ji-yeong invites her over to her dorm to watch the streaming of the event together, and because her roommate had taken home the tv when she had moved out, sae-byeok accepted. it's a lot better than watching it on her phone, and having someone with her to distract from the nerves would help.
though there was a fleeting thought of how much sadder it would be to watch ji-yeong win right in front of her, and to realize she'd lost it all while watching her celebrate. she shakes it off. repeating what that very same girl had told her. 'be positive.'
her knee bounces up and down anxiously, as she sits on the couch watching ji-yeong struggle to set everything up.
"god-! i hate this tv. it's so stupid."
sae-byeok shrugs, "better than no tv, right?" ji-yeong sighs, "i guess," before she continues to fumble around with the remote until finally, the static clears, and the channel is on. with an audible 'aha!' ji-yeong raises her arms up, smiling. "look at that. maybe i should've taken up.. tech."
"you definitely should have not."
1:02 pm, 3 hours before they announce the winner. right now, they were interviewing last years' winner. she was from one of the more up-end schools on the roster, and frankly, sae-byeok thinks she could've paid to get into the school without the help of the competition.
as if hearing her thoughts ji-yeong says, "her family is filthy rich. she didn't need this!"
nodding along as she takes a sip of the half-assed mojito ji-yeong had prepared, sae-byeok laughs. "maybe they didn't want to? actually- no. that's stupid. she didn't need this at all. you're right."
from her place on the floor, she looks over at her, "i always am."
with a roll of her eyes, accompanied by a smile on her lips she couldn't quite will away, sae-byeok puts down her drink. the interviewer asks her a final question, one of those profound ones to make the interviewee sound all smart and wise. her answer is decent. ji-yeong could've probably done better.
again, she thinks, maybe next year, she would be the one standing there, to do better.
and sae-byeok could be watching her. sae-byeok could be the one standing there, too. but she thinks, she still wouldn't have answered the question as well as ji-yeong would've done it. maybe she can help her write her script. maybe-
she's snapped out of her daze, as ji-yeong aggressively hits her knee. "sae-byeok! look! that's ours! look! in the back-"
"wow. they look so much bigger through the screen."
ji-yeong's leaning forward towards the screen, sitting up on her knees now. "maybe we just got used to having them right in front of us." the camera zooms in on all of their canvases individually, it's only then sae-byeok realizes, despite just having pointed out how large they seemed, her and ji-yeong had chosen the smallest size in comparison to everyone else.
it didn't matter all that much.
once again, like clockwork, ji-yeong's voicing out the very same thoughts circling her head. she rambles about it for awhile. apparently, artists thinking bigger was better has struck a cord for her. she listens, of course, as best she could with all the thoughts that clouded her mind.
in the middle of her ramble, ji-yeong interrupts herself, asking, "how do you think they're choosing?"
sae-byeok looks down at her, shortly wondering why she had decided to sit on the floor when she had a whole couch right behind her. she thinks about it for awhile, before she replies, "i feel like the explanation might be important. i don't know, though."
"me too. but we aren't english majors! maybe we should've taken up english too."
it's surprising how easy it is for ji-yeong to disarm her, make her feel relaxed even if she feels like every part of her is on fire. they're both laughing, now. but the moment goes as quickly as it had arrived. sae-byeok isn't ready to let it go. so she doesn't, not yet. "hey, no matter what happens today, i think you deserve that spot."
breaking their eye-contact briefly, ji-yeong scoffs. "alright, smooth-talker."
"i mean it."
she's smiling, now, and sae-byeok takes note of the way her eyes smile, too. only when she truly means it, her smile. "i think you deserve it more than me." ji-yeong looks at her, again, and it takes her an awful lot of self control not to look away, or immediately dismiss the pink hue on her cheeks.
"how about, we both deserve it."
"that sounds about right."
their heads snap up as the lights flicker, and there's a matching look of concern on each of their faces. it's back before they can even comment on it. their dorm had electricity problems often enough. it was probably nothing.
sae-byeok can't help but stay worried, as she looks over the time. 3:46. they were gonna be announcing the winner in 14 minutes.
someone's life was going to change forever in 14 minutes.
it could be her life, or ji-yeong's. or maybe it's neither of them.
whoever it was, they were about to find out, and each tick of ji-yeong's old clock would be reminding them of that. of how soon it's going to be. of how quickly time moves. and yet somehow all at once it reminds them how long it's taking.
the tv glitches out a little, but it's back on track before either of them can worry about it. the energy in the room shifts, the closer they get the heavier the air feels. the more scared they both seem to be. it was hard, being friends with someone you were technically competing with.
they never really talked about it, the silent weight it had on them.
neither of them ever wanted to. especially sae-byeok. she already thought about how much more talented ji-yeong was in comparison to her, she didn't need to bring it up. that would make things worse. ji-yeong would probably say just the right thing, like she always does. and it might make her feel worse.
because ji-yeong was amazing, perfect, even.
she was the best person sae-byeok had ever met that wasn't her family. although even without that separation she was started to climb steadily up her list. maybe she was tied with her oppa. being the two greatest people she'd had the pleasure of knowing. under her dad, of course.
ji-yeong deserved the world, and most importantly, ji-yeong deserved to get into her dream school.
but no matter how badly sae-byeok wanted the same for herself, she knew deep down who deserved it more.
ji-yeong did.
and sae-byeok would be happy enough just to watch her get that. what she had deserved. it was all new to her, caring about someone in this way. sure, she cared about cheol, but he was her brother. that had to be different.
the way her heart swells whenever ji-yeong would talk about things she loved, about getting into her dream school, it certainly felt different.
3:51 it would be any minute, now.
sae-byeok reaches her hand over, which ji-yeong gladly accepts, squeezing once, twice, before she smiles at her. with her eyes and all. "good luck, sae-byeok." she says, and sae-byeok echoes it as they watch the screen.
once the clock hits 3:55, the screen starts a timer. as if it wasn't already the most nervewrecking moment of their lives, they had to make it more dramatic with a very loud, obnoxious countdown. because of course they would.
she can feel her heart beating in her ears, and where her skin comes in contact with the couch, with ji-yeong's hand. with the air around them. she feels it all. but her heartbeat powers through all her other senses, making it easier to ignore how heavy everything feels.
ji-yeong looks like she feels about the same way. her grip on her hand is tighter than before, and she's practically shaking in anticipation. it's nice to know she isn't alone, feeling this way.
with one final sip of her mojito, she watches intensely as the number on the screen get's lower, and lower.
5
4
3
2
1..
the grip on her hand tightens, almost to the point where it hurts, but it doesn't. as the screen shifts to the man on the stage. he opens an envelope, tantalizingly slow. it's like everything she's ever done in her life has led up to this moment.
from the moment she'd played tag with all the kids in her neighborhood for the first time.
from when she'd found out she was going to be a big sister.
when cheol was born.
when she'd sobbed into his hair, cradling his small figure under her chin as her mother told her that her appa didn't make it.
that their family been torn apart, even more than they already have.
her heart beats faster and louder than it ever has before, she thinks she might explode, or float off, without ji-yeongs tight grip grounding her.
"and, the winner is.."
the lights flicker once more, and sae-byeok is tempted to ignore it, looking back down at the tv, but when she does, it's turned off. and when she looks back up, she realizes that the lights are off, too. and so was everything else.
there had been a power outage.
she doesn't process anything, only that the hand on hers has let go, and that ji-yeong was standing up, cursing. "fuck! really? now!?" she exclaims, flicking the light switch on and off. sae-byeok looks at her phone, starring at the empty section where the wifi bar was supposed to be.
giving up on the lights, ji-yeong sighs heavily, plopping down on the couch. "we. are. so. fucking. unlucky."
sae-byeok wants to agree, but if neither of them bring the mood up, they might end up punching each other. or just crying together on the ground. she really doesn't want to resort to either option. "i already got an alert, they'll fix it soon enough. plus, maybe we can.. finish our drinks until then?"
"look who's the positive one now." ji-yeong teases, and sae-byeok just smiles. because it worked, she'd officially lifted the mood.
she had learned from the best.
their glasses click together as they cheers, and sae-byeok watches through her glass as ji-yeong gulps down the rest of her drink, all in one go. not wanting to be left behind, but mostly just not wanting to have ji-yeong be drunk alone, she finishes hers, too. declining when ji-yeong offers to pour her some more.
instead, she walks over to the kitchen counter, grabbing the bottle and taking a swig from it directly.
with a tsk, ji-yeong frowns, grabbing the bottle from her, she places it down on the floor. "hey now, you don't wanna be asleep when the powers back. i'm not waking you up, so, you're banned."
reluctantly, she agrees. ji-yeong was right. no use finding out the results if you can't even comprehend anything.
slumping back on the couch, sae-byeok inhales, trying to calm down. the fresh warmth of the soju that had travelled down her throat kind of helped. just a little. ji-yeong does the same, before she messes around with her phone.
"i still can't believe this is happening. this is like, romcom level shit."
furrowing her brows, sae-byeok turns to look at her, questioning. "romcom? where's the romance?"
she shrugs, "i don't know. com isn't a thing."
despite the situation, sae-byeok finds herself laughing, and ji-yeong follows suit, wiping away tears from her eyes. they both double over, and ji-yeong ends up with her head on sae-byeok's lap, still unable to control her breath.
when they both compose themselves, ji-yeong sits up. but she's relatively closer to her, now.
sae-byeok can feel every one of her breaths, and she's almost close enough to just-
before her thoughts can continue on, she's startled when ji-yeong's hands move to cup her cheeks. she doesn't make a move to get them off, though, in fact, she shifts to be just a little closer. "kiss me." ji-yeong says, she can feel every syllable on her lips.
it's exactly the confirmation she needs. she could never refuse her.
their lips meet, harsh, and yet ji-yeong's lips against hers are so soft. it's almost angry, the way they kiss, demanding. as if they were both trying to prove a point. only thing is, sae-byeok doesn't know what that point is.
her hand grasps tightly around ji-yeongs waist, as ji-yeong's own tangle in her hair.
it's messy, and not exactly how sae-byeok had envisioned it all going down, if it ever would have. but it's amazing nonetheless. she doesn't want to be anywhere else, with anyone else. just here, on the futon she used to sleep on, no electricity, no nothing, just ji-yeong in her arms.
when they pull away to take a breath, their foreheads resting on each other, sae-byeok finds herself speaking first.
"you're right," she says, breath heavy. "it is like a romcom."
the girl in her lap snorts, and she almost brings it up, just to tease her, but then she feels hot lips trailing along her jaw. and suddenly she can't recall what she was planning to say. the hand in her hair tightens, tugging lightly to pull her head back as she moves further down along her neck.
sae-byeok's almost glad the lights are off, because then it muffles one of her senses. she thinks, if the lights had been on, she may have short circuited. but then again, if ji-yeong could fix the tv, maybe she could figure out how to fix her.
she feels a sharp flash of teeth along her pulse point, and she has to force down a whimper.
bitten nails dig into the skin underneath ji-yeong's shirt before she's pulling away, looking into her darkened eyes. "sae-byeok," ji-yeong starts, but before she can continue, there's a light buzz on the other side of the futon. followed by another one near on the floor.
their phones. the wifi.
but the lights- "shit. i must've left it off when i messed with it." ji-yeong says, moving to get up, but not before she pecks sae-byeok quickly on the lips, as if to affirm something. like she was making sure. and with a flick of a switch, the light's were back on.
sae-byeok shuts her eyes tightly, rubbing her eyes while her sight adjusts to the sudden change in lighting. she stares at her phone, it was blowing up, and so was ji-yeong's. one of them had probably won, and the other was receiving pity messages. or worse, they were both receiving pity messages.
she almost didn't want to find out which it was.
with a nod towards ji-yeong, who already had her phone in hand, she'd opened it. for a second, her lockscreen of cheol almost blinds her, before notifications fill the entire screen. she reads the one on the very top first, a text from her mom. it reads a simple; you did it.
instead of immediately celebrating, she looks over at ji-yeong, suddenly realizing that there were other factors to this than just her winning. ji-yeong had lost. her face drops as they make eye contact. with the look on her face, ji-yeong probably thinks they had both lost.
but no, sae-byeok was sad because she didn't wanna have to choose.
choose between seeing ji-yeong happy, or being happy herself. she knows it technically wasn't her choice to make, but it saddens her nonetheless.
ji-yeong closes her phone, moving to sit on the couch next to sae-byeok. they stare in silence for awhile, trying to figure each other out. before eventually, curiosity wins. ji-yeong is the first to break it. "okay- we say the results on the count of three." sae-byeok nods, and they start counting down in unison.
with a final curt nod, sae-byeok tells her. and what she isn't expecting, is for ji-yeong to tell her the same thing.
"i won."
"you won!?"
standing now, sae-byeok grabs onto ji-yeong's shoulders, shaking her lightly. ji-yeong laughs, "we won." sae-byeok echoes, as if she couldn't even believe it. they had never in the history of the contest chosen two winners before. it's almost like they were saving it for them.
for her and ji-yeong.
she isn't expecting it, but the tears start to fall. ji-yeong pulls her into a hug, hiding her face in the crook of her neck, sniffling. they revel in it for awhile, sobbing into each other. it probably looked really dramatic, maybe kind of gross. but sae-byeok didn't care.
after the initial shock, they pull away, laughing off the tears before they pull each other into another kiss. messy, and real.
it's even better than the first one, even if her cheeks were tear-stained, her palms were sweaty, and she was definitely a little more clumsy than usual. it didn't matter. none of it did, because she didn't have to choose. they could do this all together.
sae-byeok liked the sound of that.
together.