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A List of Plausible Reasons to Fuck Off - by Edward Teach

Summary:

It’s not the abandonment thing that’s the issue.

See, Ed’s used to people fucking off. It’s basically been his whole life, why would it start to bother him now? Sure, it hasn’t hurt like this before which is something he refuses to look into, but the action of Stede disappearing isn’t what keeps Ed up at night.

No, instead it’s the question of where the fuck did Stede go.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

It’s not the abandonment thing that’s the issue. 

See, Ed’s used to people fucking off. It’s basically been his whole life, why would it start to bother him now? Sure, it hasn’t hurt like this before which is something he refuses to look into, but the action of Stede disappearing isn’t what keeps Ed up at night. 

It keeps a bottle of rum in his hands, but that should be helping in knocking him into sleep at night.

No, instead it’s the question of where the fuck did Stede go. 

There’s a whole lot of options and not a single one of them helps Ed nurse his broken heart. They span out like a list in his head, always at the ready to comb over in any single second where he’s not completely distracted. 

It would almost be a calming exercise if by the end of it he didn’t want to shove his entire fist in his mouth and bite down till it bleeds so he doesn’t wail out the emptiness inside of him. But, you know, lists are supposed to be calming or whatever. Maybe this is coping? 

Stede would probably know. 

No, fuck that, back to the list:

 

 

1. Stede decided that staying in the English army to go die at the hands of the Spanish is a hell of a lot more appealing than exploring the seas with Ed.

 

 

Okay, ow, fuck, maybe he should word these a little less harshly. Or maybe he should track down Stede and wring his neck until he tells Ed why he left. Fuck, no, that sounds dangerously close to a to-do list and one list is already exhausting enough. 

Anyway, that one doesn’t seem all too likely. Stede seemed fine sailing around the seas with Ed before. Even threw together that treasure hunt-

If at this point Ed lets himself think about that for too long he ends up throwing the nearest breakable item against the wall. Good to hear something not him shatter. 

-just to make sure Ed stuck around. You don’t do that for someone you can’t stand, right?

 

 

2. Ed had read every single signal wrong and freaked Stede out by kissing him. 

 

 

Don’t think about the kiss don’t think about the kiss don’t think about the kiss don’t think about the kiss don’t -

Sure anything goes at sea, but that doesn’t mean everyone is down for anything. Ed gets that. Wouldn’t be the first time he wrongly assumed, but usually, he just gets a punch to the face instead of a crushed promise of the future. 

And Ed was pretty fucking confident that Stede was interested. At least by the end. In the beginning, it was touch and go, but then the moonlight and that stupid fucking silk in his pocket and you wear fine things well-

Something else broken now, probably a bottle. 

Probably should have kept some of Stede’s stupid knickknacks to throw. Would be a lot more satisfying. Probably. 

 

3. Stede decided to risk the woods instead of subjecting himself to Ed’s presence any longer.  

 

Stede wouldn’t be that stupid, right? 

There’s fucking predators out there that can eat you and shit. Jungle cats or whatever the fuck. And even worse, the fucking British patrolling. 

But then Ed remembers Stede’s expression when he saw him without the beard. Completely Ed and not a trace of Blackbeard. That memory alone could drive a man to drink himself to death. 

Why not give it a try?

 

 

4. Stede decided he hates the sea and escaped inland. 

 

 

Ed would have gone with him. Did Stede know that? Ed would have given up all the water and ocean and adventure in the goddamn world to go with him. 

Does Stede know that?

 

5. Ed had moved too fast.  

 

Fucking hell, had he really said leave to go to China? Up and leave everything they knew just like that? Christ, he’s an idiot, of course, something like that would freak someone out. Especially if you’ve only just admitted your feelings to each other. 

Oh, yes, we’ve only known each other a short time but why don’t we get married and tie ourselves to each other completely, leaving behind everything familiar just for each other?

Hell, Ed probably would have run too. 

(He wouldn’t. He’d be halfway to China by now.)

 

 

6. After realizing how Blackbeard wasn’t actually that great, Stede decided to find some pirates actually worth something. 

 

 

Fair. Stings like a bitch, but it’d be fair. 

Blackbeard isn’t real, hasn’t been since Ed was young. Hard to keep up with mythic status when you’re still alive and all. Sure, Stede had liked Ed well enough, but it was always Blackbeard people stayed around for. Greatest pirate of all time, in comparison who gives a damn about Edward Teach?

Stede had probably started to plan his escape route the second Ed signed himself away. 

 

 

7. Stede had probably just been fucking with Ed the whole time and as soon as he’d gotten Ed’s heart he’d run off with to show it around like some great fucking prize. The man whole stole Blackbeard’s heart, you could seal yourself into history with a steal like that. 

 

 

At this point, the list dissolves into crying and drinking and a lot of blurriness until Izzy checks to see if he’s dead in the morning. 

Stede fucking Bonnet. Was everything a lie? Was this all just a big fucking joke and Edward hadn't seen the punchline coming? A different form of passive aggression? (Although this aggression seems pretty fucking massive given the size of the hole in Edward’s chest.)

Ed wants to sail this ship with its stupid fucking hidden passages carrying around a ghost crew of memories into the end of the fucking world. He wants to find where the edge of the sea meets the sunset and drop everything that was once touched by Edward Teach or Blackbeard or Stede Bonnet into it. He wants to scour the world until he corners Stede and then carve out his heart in return. He wants to curl up in silk robes and listen to the soft words of a fairy tale Stede reads over the sound of calm waves. 

Ed just wants and wants and wants until this gaping hole in him is filled and he can fucking breathe again. 

But since when does Edward Teach get what he wants? 

Edward Teach gets only what god gives him, what he deserves.

Notes:

i am not mentally well after this show