Chapter Text
It's nearly midnight but Katsuki doesn't give a shit about who he might be waking up when he stomps up the stairs of his apartment building. He's gonna go sit at his drum kit and try his best to dent the shit out of the cymbals and that nagging bitch in 3F is gonna deal with it.
"Oh, hey!" Kirishima says when Katsuki throws open the door to his own fucking apartment, immediately filled with regret at giving the idiot a key in case he ever needed a place to crash. He's sitting on Katsuki's couch in an A-shirt and basketball shorts, playing one of his video games.
"Go the fuck home!" Katsuki shouts, voice surrounded in harsh, rumbling anger.
Kirishima doesn't flinch and instead puts on his best pathetic, pleading-eyed look. "C'mon, Mina kicked me out."
"Then go be a fucking nuisance somewhere else!" Katsuki barks as he kicks off his shoes.
“But no one else loves me like you do.”
“I swear to fucking God, dude, get the fuck out!”
"Beer's in the fridge." Kirishima holds up a second controller to Katsuki. "... C'mon."
“Thanks for the fucking gift,” he growls, smacking Kirishima’s hand away. “Good fucking thing you know how much I like to drink alone. Leave.”
“You pick the game. Every win gets you one free, no-retaliation slap that you can deploy at any time, any place, for the rest of the year.”
"... I'm not going fucking easy on you, you dumb shit."
"Don't I know it," Kirishima responds with a satisfied, toothy grin. "Grab me one too."
Katsuki gets them each two bottles and sets them on his coffee table, snatching Kirishima's controller from him so he can sign him out of being first player. "We're playing Smash and you're gonna fucking take it."
"Whatever you want, man."
They play and Katsuki wins relentlessly, enjoying the catharsis of beating the shit out of someone, even if it's only in game form. This is the only shit keeping him from becoming a criminal. That and that he gets to beat the shit out of anyone that society considers a 'villain' without too much pushback.
"So…" Kirishima starts while they're picking their characters for the fifteenth round of one v. one which Katsuki is going to dominate for the fifteenth time in a row. Six empty bottles clutter Katsuki's coffee table. "Midoriya and Uraraka, huh?"
"They're fucking idiots," Katsuki mutters, trying to decide which of his mains has the most satisfying ultimate.
"Yeah, feels like a pretty quick decision for them considering how long it took for them to start dating."
"Mm," Katsuki grunts, leaning forward as they start the match.
"Especially with Midoriya. He's a good guy and everything but it's not like he really has time for her. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't last."
Katsuki's eyes dart to him for a split second before returning to the game to focus on seeing how long he can keep Kirishima's character in the air. "They've been dating three years. They've already lasted."
"Yeah, but, like… he only gets busier and more popular. I bet being with him isn't all that great, y'know? Having to share him with the world and stuff."
"I guess?" Katsuki responds, confused as to why Kirishima's suddenly got such a strong fucking opinion on those two.
"I'm just saying, like, everyone always talks about how awesome he is all the time but he has his faults and stuff too. He's just a guy. And he's a guy that's overly nervous and kind of neurotic. Probably gets old."
Ignoring their game, Katsuki fully turns to Kirishima to burn a glare into the side of his head. "Dude. Shut the fuck up."
Kirishima shrugs. "It's true, though. I love him but I wouldn't last long living with him. Especially as a girl trying to sleep with him. Strikes me as the kind of guy that would get too overwhelmed. He'd probably legit cry if Uraraka asked him to tie her up and fuck he-"
Katsuki grabs Kirishima's shirt, pulling his back off the couch as he leans over him to snarl "Shut the fuck up," into his face.
Kirishima looks surprised because of course he fucking does. Even if what he said was out of line, Katsuki shouldn't be this fucking angry about someone saying shit about Deku. But he was saying that shit about Izuku too.
As Katsuki holds him there, forcing himself not to smash his face in, he notices something other than surprise in his face.
Guilt.
Katsuki pauses, assessing that Kirishima definitely looks like a dog that just took a shit on the couch, before pulling out his phone.
"... What're you doing?"
"None of your fucking business," Katsuki barks as he pulls up Ashido's contact.
"Dude, c'mon, wai-"
Katsuki jerks him further against the back of the couch to shut him up while he waits for the ringing to click off.
"Ashido. Did you kick your shittier half out?"
"What?!" Ashido shouts, the cacophony of a club crowding her voice through the phone. "He said he was going to your place! Is he not there?! I'm out with everyone celebrating for 'Chako!" A long, shrill cheer from a horde of women pulls the phone from Katsuki's ear. "I'll talk to you later, alright, Katsu?! Treat him good for me, okay?!"
Katsuki throws the phone down on the couch and pulls Kirishima in closer. He wrinkles up his nose like he's about to spit in the idiot's face before speaking. "How long have you known?"
Kirishima chuckles nervously. "Known about what?"
"About me wanting to fuck Deku."
"What?! Woah, oh my God! Are you serious?!"
"How long?" Katsuki repeats.
Kirishima’s eyes swarm with his clunking thoughts until the idiot decides to be honest and his face relaxes into something empathetic and forlorn. "... I only knew for sure once they started dating. I'm sorry, dude."
Katsuki clenches his fist harder, listening to individual threads in Kirishima's shirt snap.
That explains a lot.
How Kirishima always insisted Deku take Katsuki home when he got smashed and vice versa. How, when they shared an apartment, Kirishima always had some shit to do whenever Deku was over, leaving Katsuki and him alone together. How he always had perfect timing with a six pack and a video game that Katsuki was great at. How he never seemed particularly supportive of Deku and Uraraka despite being the most supportive person Katsuki knew.
Stretched fabric falls from Katsuki's fingers. He sinks back into the couch. "You seriously thought talking shit about him would help?"
Kirishima holds his gaze on Katsuki for a few moments, like he’s hesitant to talk out in the open about something they’ve both apparently been hiding for years now. He sighs. He shrugs. “It's what Mina's friends like to do when stuff doesn't work out with a guy. Thought it was worth a shot."
"If you say shit like that about him again, I'll kill you."
An eager nod. "Yep. Got it."
But they play more and drink more until shit about Deku is pouring, unrestrained, out of Katsuki's mouth. It doesn't really matter what it is that he's saying, Katsuki's just suddenly been given the okay to not keep his darkest desire a secret and so stuff bursts forth. Mostly, he finds out that Ashido's friends have the right idea. Talking shit about him feels good as long as he's the one fucking doing it.
Because Deku's a little fucking clueless piece of trash even if he's perfect.
Kirishima snorts. "I think he'd cry tears of joy if he heard you say he was perfect."
Katsuki didn't realize he said that out loud.
“I didn’t finish,” he barks. “Perfect-ly stupid as fucking dogshit.”
“Oh yeah, uh huh. Totally. That’s what you meant.”
“It is!”
“And I definitely believe you.”
Katsuki lolls his head to the right to look at Kirishima and watch him laugh and then watch him smile and then watch his eyes turn and connect with his. Reflexively, Katsuki drags the back of his fingers up the lean muscle of his thigh, just barely bringing them under the hem of his shorts. The softness of his skin in contrast to his quirk has always surprised Katsuki.
Kirishima raises his eyebrows as he looks at Katsuki's hand. "... You want to?" he asks, gently bringing his face closer to Katsuki's.
Katsuki realizes what he's doing and pulls back his hand, turning away. "No. Old habits."
Kirishima hesitates before turning back to the TV. "You know Mina's cool with it," he says casually.
"And you know I don't believe that for a goddamn second."
"She wouldn't lie about something like that. She understands what it was for us.” He takes a long swig of his drink. “What it can still be if you ever want," he says without looking to Katsuki.
"Sounds like you don't fucking want it so I'm good."
"Dude, c'mon. It's not…" He sighs through his nose, deflating. "You know I do," he says softly. "I just don't wanna pressure you or anything."
"... Whatever, I'll still pass."
"Ouch."
Katsuki rolls his eyes. "You seriously fucking think Ashido would be cool with you fucking your friend when she's been mad for three goddamn months about some random girl just wanting to fuck you?"
"I told you, dude. She's not mad about that anymore. And I also told you that she's cool with us."
"Yeah? When's the last time you fucking ran that by her?"
"Today."
Katsuki narrows his eyes at him.
Scratching at the shaved hair at the back of his head, Kirishima shrugs casually. "Look, I… I didn't know what kind of place you'd be in after hearing about Midoriya so I made sure she'd be cool with it if you wanted to go that route."
"Wait, does she fucking know too?"
"No! No, dude, I wouldn't tell her. But she trusts us. She didn't even ask why." A smile spreads on Kirishima's face. "She did request some visual evidence if possible."
Katsuki cringes in a purposeful display of disgust. "Jesus, your wife's a freak."
"I know. I love it." He chuckles, keeping his red eyes locked with Katsuki’s. He looks good when he laughs. “So… You want to?”
Katsuki has never in his life known what he wanted less. Who or when or how. Being presented with it now, the idea of the casual, symbiotic relationship that they once had feels like something he could drown himself in. No consequences, no one getting hurt, no feelings more than lust and friendship. But whatever plot that relationship once stood on is broken now. Ashido’s a complication full of feelings.
Cold, rough fingers take Katsuki's wrist and pin it to the cushions. Kirishima smoothly straddles Katsuki so he’s sitting square on one of his thighs and starts writing his love letter. That’s what Katsuki eventually came to think of this display as. It was how Kirishima would always start things, grinding slowly and deliberately on his leg, neither of their dicks actually being touched in the process. The first few times Katsuki took it as teasing that did its job because it drove him fucking insane, but somehow, over time, he started to see it differently. It was like Kirishima was saying ‘I don’t even care if I get off, I just want to touch you. I want you to touch me. I’m here for you, you’re here for me, and I’ll sit here, endlessly rutting against nothing, if it keeps things that way.’ Neither Kirishima nor Katsuki are exactly great with words. Physicality works better between them.
So, bearing that in mind, Katsuki raises his chin in invitation.
Confusion passes across Kirsihima’s face before the rosy fluster. They didn’t do this often, even back then. Katsuki watches his sharp Adam’s apple bob once before the red-headed idiot leans in and accepts the invitation, pressing their lips together. The kiss is gentle and slow and unsure because Kirishima is leading and he obviously has no fucking clue what Katsuki would want out of a kiss from him. It doesn’t last for more than ten seconds before Kirishima pulls back, redder than Katsuki’s ever seen him.
“Sorry, I didn’t even, uh… is that what you wanted me to do?” he asks, ending with a nervous laugh that Katsuki admittedly finds endearing.
Katsuki hums an affirmative, smirk pulling at his lips.
“Okay,” Kirishima breathes spastically, “So, like, again? Or, I mean, I’m also down to just suck your dick or, uh… do you still like being hit?”
“Nope.”
“Okay, cool, me neither. So, yeah, should I, uh-”
“Again,” Katsuki instructs firmly.
Kirishima swallows. He inches back so he can lean down more comfortably to press their foreheads together. He cradles Katsuki’s head in his careful hands, palms pressing against the back of his jaw and fingers curling behind his neck. They stay like that for a minute, like Kirishima’s trying to let them sit in that space together and settle into the mixed, intimate, needy capacity that they used to intermittently flood their tiny, crumbling apartment with.
A deep, calming breath flows through Kirishima and passes over Katsuki’s lips. Their noses press together, Kirishima gently nuzzling into him. Slowly, he presses in.
Just as their lips ghost over each other, Katsuki grips his shoulders, shoves him upright, and slaps him as hard as he fucking can across the face, hard enough to knock him right the fuck off his lap and onto the floor.
Katsuki cracks his knuckles over the sound of Kirishima groaning into his hardwood.
“So, how many do I have left?” he asks.
“Nineteen,” Kirishima grumbles. “Also, fuck you, dude. I was really excited.”
“I know, you make this shit too easy.”
A sigh comes from the floor. “You mind if I just share your bed tonight?"
"As long as you don't fart up the fucking sheets."
"Four beers in, dude. No promises."
Everyone's swarmed around Deku, pecking away at the juiciest morsels of his proposal story, pretending like they're feasting on that when really they're drooling over the bones of the event. Deku's getting married. He's officially taken. That is now his biggest detriment as a hero trying to remain at number one because people who want to fuck him, whose heads have been bursting with thoughts of 'If I just catch his attention, just once,' 'She's not good enough for him. She never will be,' or 'It must all be for show,' well those people are now going to have to face reality. Deku's never gonna look at them the way they want him to. He's never going to betray his relationship with Uraraka for someone else. He would never do something like this for show.
"Everyone wanna let me sit the fuck down?" Katsuki barks to the crowd of people blocking his desk.
Petulant, flaccid apologies mix with orders to 'give the rest of the story later' as the crowd dissipates.
"Hey," Katsuki grunts as he sits down. "That mine?" He nods to the paper coffee cup closest to him.
"Y-yeah," Deku stammers. Katsuki can feel him watching as he grabs the cup and starts chugging the scalding drink. "Wow, uh, rough night?" Deku asks.
"Shitty Hair ambushed me at my place. Up all night listening to his ass try to communicate with me."
Deku chuckles like he’s amused at something far away. "You're a good friend to him."
Katsuki quirks an eyebrow. "Saying I'm not to you?"
"Well, I mean…" Deku drolls sarcastically, shrugging his shoulders. "You did brush me off pretty easily when I was desperately asking you to talk to me before I left but whatever I guess."
"I told you I had shit to do," Katsuki grumbles, opening up his computer and turning it on. "We can talk right fucking now if you want to," he says, knowing that Deku would never want to talk about his concerns about Katsuki in a public place like this.
Still, Deku smiles warmly to him, like he's resigned to the fact that he actually enjoys how much of a manipulative dick Katsuki is.
"Forget it," Deku hums, turning back to his work. "It doesn't matter anymore."
‘Doesn't matter anymore? ’ Katsuki mulls, indignant in spite of the circumstances. So, once Deku gets engaged his friends don't matter anymore? Or was Katsuki pushing him away that day the last straw for Deku and he was done trying to figure out why Katsuki's being distant. Or… or maybe he can somehow sense that Katsuki's decided to deal with what's causing that distance. Danger Sense has evolved a lot over the years and Katsuki's pretty sure that Deku can pick up on a lot more than he tries to let on, though it still seems to stick to negative thoughts and emotions.
Which Katsuki always has fucking plenty of.
Today is no different.
He thinks long and hard all day at work about whether he should update Izuku or not this time. Updating would make things easier. Katsuki wouldn't have to explain anything. But then they have to go right into it the moment Katsuki gets there. Izuku would probably be crying when he walks through the door and that’s the last thing he fucking wants. If he can get just one more moment of clueless, ignorant comfort with him, then he can still bring himself to go through with this. So he decides he should just tell him everything himself and at least take a few minutes at the start to pretend like nothing's happening.
So he opens the door while attempting to keep his face casual, expressionless, even with the all too familiar layout that he walks into.
It's his bedroom. The scratched up hardwood, the drum kit where most people would probably have a desk or some shit, his ancient mini fridge covered in band stickers that he slapped on when he was fifteen.
Izuku sits on the bed in sweatpants and a t-shirt, and everything on him—his fingers, his elbows, his cheeks, his ears—is flushed. Katsuki sees the picture of the both of them on his bedside table and starts to feel warm too.
Their eyes connect and Izuku smiles nervously but that fades while Katsuki looks at him, drinking in every stretch of blush on his skin, glad that he gets to see him like that one last time even if it means exposing his stupid fucking domestic fantasies. Izuku’s smile returns with a vengeance, seeking to comfort and forgive.
"So what turned never into tonight?" Izuku asks sweetly, holding out an arm to draw Katsuki towards him and it's magnetic. Katsuki couldn't resist it if he wanted to, especially not when it feels like that arm will be able to yank his heart out of his stomach.
He walks to him and Izuku stands before he gets there so that they can engage in a backbreaking hug. Katsuki slumps so he can press his face into his neck. "I'm so fucking sorry," he whispers because he doesn't feel complete enough to be able to speak properly.
"It's okay," Izuku hums, still gripping him with one arm but gently stroking along his spine with the other. "It's all okay. I just wanna know what happened."
"... You're getting married," Katsuki mumbles into his neck, never wanting to leave that warm, little crook.
Izuku's hand freezes. "... What?" he asks softly, like someone squeezed the word out of him in a puff.
"You and Round Face. You're-"
"What?!" Izuku shouts, pushing Katsuki away so they can look into each other's panicking eyes. "Wait, d-did 'Chako propose?"
"What? No, you di-"
"Are you serious?!" Izuku asks, looking beyond serious himself.
"Why would I fucking lie to you about-"
"Oh my god," he groans like he just got kicked in the nuts. "I'm such a coward. I'm such a coward. I-I can't believe…" His eyes snap back to Katsuki's. "Your phone. Give it to me."
"What? Why?"
"Because I need to talk to me. To him. Give it." His hand dives for Katsuki's back pocket but Katsuki quickly grabs his phone and holds it away from him.
"Izuku, stop!" he shouts. "What the fuck are you on about?"
"Give me the phone!"
"Fuck no!"
"Kacchan!"
"What?! What the fuck do you-" All of a sudden he realizes that they're shouting at each other when he had been wholeheartedly planning for this to be one of the few emotionally-vulnerable moments of his life. "Izuku, calm down. How am I gonna explain him getting a call from himself from my fucking phone, hm? Would he even be able to fucking hear you?"
"I-It doesn't matter. I'll understand if I talk to him. I just need thirty seconds, Kacchan, please."
"Tell me what you want to fucking say first, then," he challenges, waving his phone at arm's length behind his back.
"I need to talk some sense into me. Or I at least need to scream at myself a little just, please, Kacchan, give me your phone."
"You're not making any fucking sense."
"I know! How does it make any sense that I would propose to 'Chako when you're still single…" he says to the air with a crumpled brow. He tenses and his gaze shoots to Katsuki. "Wait, do I know about you coming here?"
"Izuku, seriously, I have no clue what the fuck you're-"
"Do I know?" he repeats firmly.
Katsuki sighs, exasperated. "No, why the fuck would I tell him?"
"I don't even know that you see anyone in Akachou?"
"No. Again, why the fuck would I let him know that?"
Green eyebrows knit tightly together as their owner thinks. "Then, why… I didn't try to say anything to you recently?"
"I don't fucking know, today you told me that Mirko apparently got upgraded prosthetics but I don't see how that fucking matters."
"Woah, wait, upgraded how?” Izuku asks intensely, leaning in closer. “Are they still titanium alloy? Did she get some sort of new attachment? What did-" Izuku stops himself, holding up a hand and shaking his head. "Not today. Before I proposed. I can't believe I would've gone through with that without talking to you first."
"... You tried to talk to me before you went to dinner with her."
Their gazes snap together like LEGO bricks, Izuku’s eyes filled with indignation. " Tried ? What d'you mean tried? What happened?"
Katsuki scoffs, sensing that he’s about to be blamed for something. "I blew you off because I didn't want you fucking interrogating me on why I've been weird as shit around you because I'm fucking you behind your back."
"Oh my God," he sighs with despair, putting his head in his hands. "Of course you did. Of course, yeah. Big confrontation. I was probably way too nervous to handle any pushback. You definitely sensed that. You must've just walked all over me.” He mutters everything frantically into his hands.
"Hey, Izuku," Katsuki says, taking his big, crooked hands and pulling them from his face. "Feel like telling me what the fuck you're freaking out about?"
Perfect, round, green eyes drop to the floor before locking place with Katsuki's. "You need to tell him, Kacchan."
"Yeah, uh-huh, tell him what?"
"That you love him."
"Hey, hey!" Katsuki barks. "No one said anything about loving him."
"Okay, yes, yes, you're big and bad and don't love anyone but you need to tell him how you feel, Kacchan. Even if it's just that you want to have sex with him. You need to tell him."
"Why the fuck would I do that?"
"Because we love you, too. Both of us. I know he does, Kacchan. I-I would've told you before but I genuinely thought that I would do it myself. Especially-God-especially after that kiss. That's what I was trying to tell you before I proposed. I was giving my last ditch effort to try and make something happen with you."
"No you weren't."
"Wha- Yes. Kacchan. I was. "
"You just fucking think that because you think you're him but you're not, Izuku. You're my… my fucking ideal version of him or whatever so of course you fucking love me and worship me and all that shit."
"Okay I do not worship you,” he asserts firmly. “And what 'ideal version' of me, Kacchan? You think the subconscious deals in ideals?"
"No, but I think 'Arekarashi' deals in fucking ideals. That's the whole goddamn point of this place. Because if you weren't my ideal, if you didn't worship me, you wouldn't have forgiven me so quickly after me fucking raping you and you wouldn't have been so goddamn keen on fucking panting and moaning my name while I fuck you despite you having a girlfriend who is now your fucking fiancé!"
"That has nothing to do with that!” Izuku shouts back, like he’s trying to blow away Katsuki’s argument with his voice. “She's not real in here! She's real out there and the me out there is the only one beholden to her so I-I don't… it's not wrong for me to get what I want here,” he insists, bargaining to no one. “I'm not even real so it doesn't hurt anyone. And you came in through that door, Kacchan. How was I… When I know that you coming in through that door means that you want me, how am I supposed to push you away for her? I-I love her, I do, truly, but it's not the same. It's just not. So you never 'raped' me, Kacchan." He says the word like it’s a painful, burning fire on his tongue. "I wanted that. I wanted that more than anything. It was just once I thought that… maybe you just wanted it as some form of domination or-or… I don't know. Something that had no love in it that I started to get scared and I started to cry and you immediately stopped and took care of me and I forgave you so quickly because I knew you were just confused about what all of this meant for you. I happily accepted you every time you came here not because I 'worship' you or because that's what you wanted but because I love you and I have since long before you first walked through that door. I love you, Kacchan. Both in here and out there."
“Izuku, if you loved me out there then why the fuck would you do nothing after I fucking kissed you? You said it yourself. You wouldn't have proposed to her so easily after me kissing you if you liked me. You’re not stupid. If you thought of me that way at all then you would’ve had something to fucking say about that.”
“Yeah, Kacchan! I would. Except that you didn’t give me time to say anything before you left, and then you didn’t say anything more to me about it afterward, so I thought you figured it out! I thought you figured out that I loved you because I’m not exactly good at hiding it, Kacchan, and I thought that you were messing with me! I thought you couldn’t resist such a perfect way to bully me. But that still didn’t totally make sense because of what you said before you did it so I needed to try one more time, I needed to talk to you because I wanted to tell you that I love you just in case that kiss meant something more which it did, obviously, so Kacchan, you need to believe me. I-He loves you.”
"... You just think that because it's what I want to hear."
"No, I don't!” Izuku shouts, raising his hands in exasperation. “Kacchan, I don't know where you got this idea from but I am not your ideal version of me. Yes, I'm the one that showed up for you because I'm who you wanted but, other than that, I'm simply built from all of the information your brain has about me. This place isn’t meant for you to get what you want, it's meant for you to face what you want. If I hated you out there, I would hate you in here. But I don't. I love you. And that might not normally mean that the me out there loves you but in this case it does. I know it does. If you didn't know me well or only knew me from rumors or TV or even if you did know me well but hadn't known me for all of my life like you have, I wouldn't be able to say for certain whether the real me feels the same. But, Kacchan, you have to know that from the moment I woke up as this version of me, as your version of me, I have never felt so complete. I know the annoying, stinging feeling of skinning my knee and how it feels to burst with energy when I use One For All at one hundred percent. I know what it feels like to have my friends die in front of me and to fly freely in the sky with my eyes tearing from the force of the wind. If I-If I close my eyes,” which he does, “I can feel old, worn paper as I turn the pages of a book that smells like dust and warmth. I can imagine my bare feet getting sucked further and further into the wet sand as each wave passes over them. I can picture sitting on your bed with you. Your real bed, wearing my All Might pajama set. The really old one that I love that Mom accidentally bought three sizes too big so it still fits. I can feel the freezing condensation of the beer bottle in my hand. How it starts to soak into the label and how that makes it easier to pick off. How hard my heart races being in your bedroom even though I never would’ve thought that you might’ve been feeling something similar.” Green eyes reappear. “I know what it feels like to be real and why so many people who come here are scared to die without living the life they want. I've never felt so alive or so terrified as I do when I’m with you. This is real. And above all of that terror of being turned off or dying or having you never come back, the one thing that's dominated is how badly I want you to be happy. So you need to believe me, Kacchan, and, please, for my sake, for his sake, I'm okay with you never coming back here again as long as you promise me that you'll tell him how you feel. You can't let him go through with this. If you don't come back here, I'll never be woken up again as me to think about that, but he will live with this choice for the rest of his life. You need to stop him."
It takes Katsuki a while to respond and Izuku lets him take that time, looking him in the eyes like he's begging Katsuki to see that, as always, his are dewy with innocence and honesty and genuine love rather than anything close to deceit. But…
"You can't know whether or not you believe all of that because it's how I want you to feel."
Determined, sweet, loving eyes scrunch with anger. "I do know, Kacchan! I know that I followed you around as a kid because there was no one I looked up to more. I know that that respect and desire for acknowledgement turned into something more when you started helping me train with One For All. I know that you were the only one who could have brought me back to UA when we were sixteen. I know that I struggled relentlessly with what you were to me and what I was to you and that it came to a head when I realized what you had with Kirishima back when you were living with him."
"Wait, you knew?!" Katsuki really thought he was decent at keeping things under wraps but apparently everyone knew fucking everything that he went to stupid lengths to keep secret.
"Of course I knew!” he shouts incredulously, like he’s still surprised at exactly how clueless Katsuki is. “I was always watching you, Kacchan. I could see how easily he touched you and how you didn't immediately go to bite his head off when he did and I wanted that more than anything. I wanted more than that. I didn't want to just share a bed for the warm body that came with it but so that we could fall asleep and wake up together for the rest of our lives. I wanted you to look at me the same way I looked at you. But the years went on and even after Kirishima and Ashido got together you still chose any other guy but me. Any random guy could come up to you and as long as he seemed easy and emotionally unattached you would go for it."
"Hey-"
"But even though that was disheartening I had to hold out hope, y'know? I was a quirkless kid who wanted to be a hero and now here I am. Number one. 'The Symbol of Peace.' So would it be so far-fetched to believe that you might look at me differently some day? That maybe you never being in a relationship with someone meant that I still had a chance?
"When even that hope started to fade I bit the bullet and acknowledged 'Chako's feelings for me. I loved her and I still do. But I've never felt so guilty in my life because, still, no matter how much I tried to turn towards her, I was always facing you. Watching. Waiting. I know that I love you, Kacchan. Just because you couldn't put two and two together doesn't mean my master's quirk couldn't. You need to accept that and you need to tell him."
"... Izuku, I can't-"
"Promise me."
"I can't-"
"Promise me!" he shouts. His eyes start overflowing with tears.
Katsuki looks at the clock on his wall. They've been arguing for twenty minutes of their final hour.
"... I promise," he concedes, pressing their foreheads together. "Okay? I'll tell him. I'm just gonna say I wanna fuck his brains out but I'll tell him."
Izuku chuckles through his tears. "That's all I want, truly."
"Yeah?" Katsuki asks, flattening his hand against the small of Izuku's back, eager to steer their conversation into more familiar, comforting territory. "You want that?"
Izuku smiles softly and uses his forearm to wipe the tears from his face. He presses their foreheads back together and whispers, "Always." He pulls back to look deeply into Katsuki's eyes. Katsuki never really understood the idea of 'getting lost' in someone's eyes until that moment. They're a forest he wants to wade into and never return from. "Any special requests for our last time?"
Last time. It doesn't feel like it. Not yet. Kirishima's the only other person where the 'last time' wasn't also the first but they hadn't known it was their last at the time. He doesn't know what to do here.
"I feel like you should get the special request, considering," he mutters before kissing his warm, plush cheek.
"I just want to be with you." The words are honest and soft.
"You will be. And I don't think I'll ever be this fucking willing to do what someone wants so you might as well ask me to strip or roleplay as Mirko or spit in your mouth or call you 'daddy' or some shit." Katsuki pulls back to watch his freckled face flush.
"Um, uh... in order: yes ; if we had a white wig; also somehow yes ; and I never want to hear that word out of your mouth again, if I'm honest."
"Yeah?" Katsuki asks, deep voice rumbling in his chest. He starts undoing his pants. “So what do you want?” he asks, grabbing his hard cock over his underwear and enjoying Izuku’s staring. “What do you want from me?”
Izuku stares a little longer before shaking his head and bringing his eyes back up to Katsuki's. "I…" he starts like he's hypnotized. "I want to have sex with you."
Katsuki chuckles. "Okay… and?"
"N-no, I mean, uh…” he starts, face blossoming red as he tucks his hair behind his ears. “I want to fuck… you. Like, uh, I wanna be the one, um, y'know, you're normally, uh, so I thought I'd maybe like to try… Please stop enjoying this so much and help me," he whines.
"Yeah, no, yeah," Katsuki replies, stifling laughter. He kisses Izuku's temple, walks to his bedside table, and pulls out the same bottle of lube that's been haunting this dumb room since he first came to Arekarashi. He flips it over in his hand as he saunters back to Izuku before pressing it to his warm, broad chest. "Izuku."
"Y-yeah?" he stammers as Katsuki steps towards him, intertwining their legs and looming over him.
"I want you to fuck me as hard as you can."
"... Do you mean that?"
"I do."
"Do… Do I need to prepare you at all?"
"You don't."
Katsuki's back hits his bed. Izuku's tongue enters his mouth and desperate fingers rip his pants down. The fingers reach into his underwear and start frantically stroking his entire length, knobby joints digging intensely into his cock. Once Katsuki starts panting sharp breaths out of his nose, Izuku stands at the edge of the bed, still jerking Katsuki off as he kicks off his sweatpants, only pausing for a second to rip off his shirt. His hard muscles gleam with sweat and Katsuki's dick twitches at the sight of the animalistic hunger in his eyes.
Izuku grabs the lube and coats himself in it, blush head pushing briefly out of his glistening foreskin when he strokes down before it disappears again. Katsuki could watch that all fucking day.
He's still trying to watch when Izuku ducks down and easily picks Katsuki up. Katsuki wraps his legs around Izuku's weighty hips.
"Take off your shirt," Izuku breathes into Katsuki's chest as he walks them to the wall.
Katsuki obeys him, breath hitching unexpectedly when Izuku presses his back to the cold wall. He feels thick fingers yank his underwear down. Izuku's slick, fat cock is just below him. It's about to be inside of him. Any second. And Katsuki has no control over when it happens.
Katsuki curls over Izuku, burying his face in his neck and gripping his arms firmly around his chest, bracing himself. He closes his eyes and focuses only on Izuku's tense breaths and where he's about to be entered. He focuses and focuses, listening to those rhythmic breaths. Waiting.
Izuku's warm hand strokes down Katsuki's side, just barely touching him, and the contact webs out through his entire body. He convulses, gripping tighter around Izuku's perfect body. He sucks in the cool air of the room, trying to calm himself, and just as he opens his mouth to breathe it out, Izuku slams in and up towards his abdomen.
Katsuki gasps out a pained moan before he can help it. He bites into Izuku's tense trap muscle to both stifle his voice and give his mouth something to do as Izuku continues to ram him into the wall. It hurts but it's perfect. Pain and pleasure splinter equally throughout him with every hearty, muscle-driven thrust.
"You're so perfect, Kacchan," Izuku pants by his bobbing ear. "I love you so much. I love you, Kacchan."
Katsuki pulls his teeth free from Izuku's flesh to tensely mutter "dirtier" before latching back on.
"... It's like you were made to be fucked, Kacchan," he grunts, thrusting even faster, keeping Katsuki's voice in his throat. "But you're so fucking tight. When was the last time someone fucked you like this?"
Izuku doesn't let up with his unforgiving thrusts so Katsuki can only continue to muffle his grunts into his shoulder.
"Answer me," Izuku demands, still with that irresistible sweetness in his voice.
"N-never," Katsuki grunts obediently before biting down again. He starts to taste blood.
Izuku's hips stop moving completely and the sharp, unbearable pleasure that had built through Katsuki's body starts to dull. "W-what? Kacchan, are you-"
"Don't stop," Katsuki hisses.
"B-but, Kacchan- "
"Keep going," he pants, rolling his hips to bring Izuku deeper inside of him.
"Fuck, Kacchan," Izuku breathes before yanking Katsuki further onto him. He lets go completely of Katsuki's upper body, only holding his hips and letting Katsuki drop onto his dick so it presses up further than ever and stays there. Izuku shifts for a moment, getting comfortable, before slapping his hips so fast against him that Katsuki doesn't even have the time to grunt with each thrust. He lets out a long, pained groan as his abs and legs begin to seize up.
"I'm gonna cum, Izuku," he grates out. "I'm gonna- I'm gonna- fuck, fuck!" he shouts as the dry orgasm hits him. It's absolutely mind-boggling and it doesn't stop. Izuku keeps fucking him and that boiling, thick pleasure rippling through his body never leaves.
"Kacchan, Kacchan," Izuku pants, voice high with panic. "Can I cum inside you?"
"Where else?" he retorts through gritted teeth.
Izuku mercilessly slams him into the wall and Katsuki's floor creaks with the force of Izuku's final, all-consuming thrusts. He grips Katsuki back, bending his ribs, and stiffens as he cums, gasping hot breaths against Katsuki's neck until he calms down.
Still inside him, Izuku wordlessly carries Katsuki back to the bed. He carefully lifts him off his dick before laying him down and settling in next to him.
"Are you okay?" he breathes.
"Mm," Katsuki grunts. "Perfect."
"I… there was some blood, Kacchan."
"Same to you." He wraps his arm around Izuku's shoulders and drags a finger across his teeth marks, coating his finger in red. "My bad."
"N-no. I, uh… I liked it."
"Same."
Hesitantly, a smile finds its way onto Izuku's face. "How much time do we have?" he asks softly.
"Twenty minutes."
Izuku nods softly, cuddling in closer. "You said you'll do whatever I want, right?"
"... Within reason."
Izuku chuckles and it's right under Katsuki's ear. It really is the little things in life.
"How long have you loved me?"
Katsuki glares at him and Izuku rolls his eyes.
"Fine. Since when would you say that I'd be the one behind this door," he nods to Katsuki's bedroom door.
"You want me to give a big speech like you did about how I came to want to fuck you?"
Izuku shrugs. "Kind of, yeah."
Katsuki does because what other choice does he really have? This is the kind of shit he was trying to prepare himself for from the start, anyway. But he's always been relentlessly simple when it came to how he felt about Deku so it's quick. Basically, it goes: 'Hated you. Reluctantly respected you. Liked you. Wanted to fuck you.' Boom. Izuku, rather than being annoyed by that, never stops smiling at him, looking absolutely fucking smitten.
Katsuki keeps talking after because he wants to keep that look on his face. He tells him about all the random little things about Deku, about Izuku, that somehow morphed from being annoying as shit to stuff that was still fucking annoying but also stupidly charming and endearing. How Katsuki can tell what kind of mood he’s in by how chewed up his thumbnail is. How he’s still so nervous about meeting new people despite being one of the strongest, most beloved people on the planet. How he can go on for hours and hours about any hero and how he unquestionably will if someone doesn’t stop him. How much he fusses over Katsuki.
He tells him how he was right to hold out hope because Katsuki was absolutely fucking random people to try and fight how he felt. He tells him how he started trying to act like an actual decent human-being whenever Inko was around because he wanted her to like him, just in case. He tells him how good he looks in a blue suit. He goes to tell him more but Izuku cuts him off.
"Kacchan, it's almost time," he whispers. Laying on his side, tears stream out of the corners of his eyes.
Katsuki wipes his eyes before looking to the clock. They still have ten minutes until the alarm.
"I'm staying with you until the end."
"... Okay," Izuku concedes with a strained smile. "Yeah… if that's what you need."
"Izuku," Katsuki hums, brushing up his green bangs. "I don't need this. I'm not trying to distance myself from you. But I'm not leaving you alone."
The smile fades and Izuku's face scrunches up. His movement stutters as he nods and sobs rip forth.
Katsuki wraps him in his arms. Izuku's sobs ring out as he grips him back. "Tell me," he chokes. "Keep telling me how long we have."
"... You sure?"
Izuku's forehead rubs against Katsuki's neck when he nods.
"Okay, yeah. We're still at ten."
Katsuki counts them down. Minute by minute, panic growing with each one that passes. These are the main thoughts that run through his mind.
Ten: It’s gonna be okay, this is for the best.
Nine: There’s no way to get him out of here, anyway, and I can’t keep coming forever.
Eight: Even if I bought him out from here, he wouldn’t work. Not without the quirk. It would just be killing him for good.
Seven: A mercy killing. He wouldn’t have to be here anymore, do these things for these disgusting people. He would be free, in a way.
Six: Jesus Christ. No. How could I fucking do that? No. I have to just let him go. Let him be.
Five: Unless I can find someone else with a similar quirk. Someone that could keep him alive for good. Unlikely since it would probably be akin to creating life which no quirk has yet been able to do in entirety. And immortality would probably be its own issue, right?
Four: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck .
Three: I' ll just keep coming. Who cares. I'm not gonna get fucking married anyway. Deku doesn’t have to ever find out. I’ll just keep going with Izuku and no one will know. It’ll all work out. I’ll just keep indulging in nothing.
At two minutes he’s haphazardly made up his mind.
“Izuku,” he barks, grabbing the sides of his face to look at him clearly. “C’mon. We don’t have to do this. I’m gonna get dressed and leave and I’ll be back next week like normal.” Katsuki wrinkles his brow when Izuku smiles sadly and starts petting back his hair, like he’s trying to calm him down. “Seriously. Stop. C’mon. Who cares if he’s getting married? He’s not you. It doesn’t matter. So just-” Katsuki starts to sit up - “forget it. I’m gonna go before you start blubbering over that alarm agai-” Katsuki tries to stand from the bed but Izuku gently holds his wrist against the mattress, keeping him in place.
“Kacchan,” he says sweetly, smiling in spite of the tears still rolling down his skin. “I told you. This room isn’t for you to get what you want. It’s for you to face it. You need to face him. And you can’t do that if you’re still coming here. This has to happen at some point… It’s time. I'm ready.”
Izuku reaches his arms out to him and Katsuki purses his lips and wrinkles his nose, wanting so badly to argue with him. But he’s right. He’s right. So Katsuki lays back down and gathers Izuku into his arms, pulling his fluffy green head back to his neck. The alarm starts to blare and Izuku tenses as he tries not to become overcome with tremors. He can’t hold back his sobs, though, and his entire body hitches as they work through him.
“Ten minutes,” Katsuki croaks into his hair.
During that minute and the following two, Katsuki tries to talk to him. To somehow relay to him everything that he's been too much of a fucking pussy for all of his life to say properly. To tell him how much he respects him as a person and as a hero and what this time with him has meant. But then the first shutdown happens.
After Katsuki says that they have seven minutes left, Izuku's sobs stop and he goes stiff and then limp before coming back to life. He pulls back slightly to look at Katsuki but seeing him crying probably explains what's going on pretty clearly and it doesn't take long for Izuku to go back to sobbing. Katsuki stops talking to him after that. He doesn't want to think, he just wants to hold and to be.
For the next four minutes Katsuki lets Izuku cycle through sobbing, getting so distressed that he shuts down, waking back up, and realizing again what's happening. Then when he tells him they have three minutes left Izuku tells him he loves him and Katsuki says it back. Katsuki completely misses telling him the two minute mark because they keep going back and forth like that and Katsuki's too busy trying to figure out how to say something he's never said before in a way where it relays that he would fucking create worlds and suns and stars and then burn them all to the fucking ground if it meant making him happy.
"One minute, Izuku," he grates out before pulling back and kissing him.
That's what they do for Izuku's last minute. They kiss, occasionally muttering words of love, until the alarm stops and the body in Katsuki’s arms becomes limp and cold in an instant
Katsuki keeps his eyes closed as he carefully pulls away from it, shivering from the feeling of lifeless arms sliding off of him.
"Fuck," he mutters, feeling around for a pillow and wiping his face with it. He takes a hitching, deep breath before purposefully turning his head from where Izuku was and slowly opening his eyes.
The room is set up the same as Katsuki's but everything is white and featureless, like a 3-D, coloring-book page. It's all there, though. The drum kit, the door, the clock, the bedside table, the body in his bed.
It's totally white too. Hairless, naked, genderless, and made of some sort of soft, synthetic plastic. Like silicone but firmer, Katsuki assesses as he drags a finger up its calf. Its face looks like everyone and no one. Like that one friend everyone has that can be seen in the face of anyone walking by. The perfect backdrop for someone's subconscious.
Katsuki brings his hand further up its leg, feeling how different it is from Izuku's. How much thinner. Softer. It's the same way all the way up its body and to its face. Katsuki drags his knuckles down its freckleless cheek. He lies back down next to it so he can bring their faces together and kiss its stiff, cold lips.
"... I love you," he says plainly, going to brush back its bangs even though it doesn't have any.
Another deep breath and Katsuki leaves the bed and starts getting dressed again. He slips on his underwear and shirt and hops into his pants, zipping them up and buckling his belt. He wipes his eyes again on his sleeves before opening the door.
"... Thank you."
Katsuki whips his head around at the garbled words but the thing is still laying in the same spot with no sign of life. He shakes his head and leaves the room.
"I need to talk to you," Katsuki barks at Deku when he tries to head for the elevator for lunch, yelling because he knows his voice would be trembling if he didn't.
Deku glances around to the rest of the people on their floor, all of whom are now staring directly at them, probably hoping for one of their infamous fights. "Y-yeah, Kacchan, uh, what's up?"
"Roof. Now."
Deku hesitantly agrees and they take a tense elevator ride up twenty floors to the helicopter pad on the roof.
The wind blows Deku's hair forward and he reaches up to try and get it all back behind his ears. The opal wedding band he decided to wear in solidarity shines in the midday sun.
"Kacchan, what's going on?"
"I have something to say to you."
"R-right, I got that," he stammers as Katsuki backs him against the wall of the reticle. "K-Kacchan?"
Katsuki brushes his hair behind his ear for him. "I have something to say," he repeats.
"Y-yeah…” Deku breathes. His eyes are so wide. So perfect. “I'm listening, Kacchan. Say it."
Katsuki swallows. It’s thick. "... I-"
Deku's phone starts ringing in his pocket. He glances down to it for a moment before looking back to Katsuki.
"Take it," Katsuki orders.
"It-It can wait, Kacchan."
"I know it's her ringtone. Take it."
“B-but I-”
“Take it!” he snaps
Deku hesitates but nods, pulling out his phone and turning away from Katsuki.
"Hey, 'Chako, I just… no, I know. I know. But, hey, I got a little caught up and I might be a little… C'mon, your parents will probably be happy I'll be late… Look, I'll make it up to you. All of you, okay? But I really need to get back… I love you too… more than anything, okay? I'm going now." He hangs up the phone with a sigh before his attention snaps back to Katsuki. "Sorry, sorry. Um, please, what were you saying?"
He looks flushed but Katsuki has no way of knowing why. Is it wind burn? Is it frustration from dealing with Round Face's parents? Is it nerves from waiting to hear what Katsuki wants to say? He gets red at so many fucking things. Katsuki wants it to be the latter but he has no fucking clue. He has no fucking clue about any of this. Absolutely no fucking clue.
He was doing this because Izuku told him to but he still has no actual fucking confirmation on whether or not what he was saying was true. Katsuki wants to believe it but that’s kind of the point, right? To give him what he wants. And even if there wasn’t some huge conspiracy going on, Arekarashi itself is shifty. The moment any place claims to be philanthropic about anything is the moment that Katsuki stops believing anything about what it claims to be. He has no clue about that place, still, and everything that happened in that room was technically in his head. It had no effect on the outside world. Not on Deku, not on Uraraka, and not on Katsuki’s willingness to fuck things up for either of them.
Nothing has changed.
"No, uh…” Katsuki balks, kicking at the rooftop. “I just wanted to… I never congratulated you. On your engagement… and shit."
"... That's all?"
"Yep. That's it."
"You dragged me up here to tell me that?"
He's mad but why? Fucking why? Because he wanted to hear something different or because Katsuki fucking screamed him onto the roof of their building in the middle of the fucking day, making him late for whatever meet up he had with his goddamn fiancé and his future in-laws just so he could congratulate him on getting engaged? He doesn't know. He doesn't fucking know.
"Yeah, I did."
Deku stares at him, incredulous, angry, frustrated, and Katsuki feels the same way. But he can't bring himself to shift into a smile the way Deku does, always so sweet and warm no matter the circumstances. And if Katsuki isn't just seeing what he wants to see, hearing what he wants to hear, he'd think there's an underlying sadness in Deku's words when he thanks him.
END