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Yuuta has accepted the fact that Toge might never be able to say those words out loud.
It doesn’t stop him from saying it though, every chance he gets. Life is tumultuous for a jujutsu sorcerer, each twist and turn filled with danger, curses looming around every corner—they get stronger with each day too, as if waiting for the reckoning day to come, but Yuuta will be damned if he lets that happen.
So he tells Toge that he loves him, over and over: uttering the words in the privacy of their rooms, whispering them in his ear when they’re around their friends and fellow students, pressing them against his skin whenever given the chance.
Toge doesn’t say them back—never out loud. They’d just about managed to figure out the cursed speech user can murmur Yuuta’s name without causing any harm, still hesitant to do so out of reflex more than anything else, and Yuuta isn’t going to be the one to pressure him into saying words he knows are true.
Yuuta knows. Toge shows him he loves him, every single day, through the things he does.
One.
It takes longer for Yuuta to notice than he’d like to admit.
In his first year at Jujutsu High, he’s likely the only first year who doesn’t have any personal belongings in his dorm room.
Maki has a shelf stacked high with various weapons, displayed proudly and within reach the moment Panda or Toge make a snarky remark about them. Panda has a lot of pictures of himself with Yaga, as well as small mementos from his past. Toge has a lot of books (though they’re mostly cookbooks, and the collection doesn’t even come close to rivaling Megumi’s bookshelves) and a floor littered with clothes, which they’ve come to simply associate as part of the decor.
Yuuta doesn’t have anything. The walls are bare, the bed sheets are white, and the floor remains clear.
And then Maki gives him a plant.
It’s a small thing, with a few pink petals and situated in a small plant pot, plain brown. She insists that she got it as a present just because she’s a girl, but she can’t keep any plants alive and Yuuta’s room is so plain it makes her sick, so she hands it over with a roll of her eyes and a threat at her lips to keep it alive.
Yuuta puts it down on the windowsill, hoping it will get enough light, and tries to take care of it. He waters it, and watches it grow slowly, and sure enough he finds himself caring tremendously for the wellbeing of this small, ridiculous flower.
Panda threatens to eat it once, to prove a point, and Rika manifests and looms threateningly above Yuuta before he even has a chance to think about it.
The next time they go into Tokyo city, Yuuta buys two more plants. Toge helps him carry them back to the dorms, and as Yuuta settles the bigger one on the floor by the bed, he places his hands at his waist and smiles. Toge nudges his shoulder with his own, and when Yuuta turns to look at him, he signs out the word ‘cute’, which Yuuta isn’t sure whether it’s directed at him, or the plant, but he blushes nonetheless.
When Gojou sends him on a mission out of town, Yuuta paces around his hotel room and thinks of his plants back home, unwatered and left alone. He wonders whether he could message one of his friends, and whether they would help him, but the teasing that would ensue would be endless, and that’s not something he’s willing to risk.
When he comes back from that mission, however, his plants are perfectly fine. Actually, they look like they’re thriving, stretching high towards the sun and positively beaming with healthiness. Yuuta shrugs it off.
The next time he’s away on a long mission and returns to his plants, positive he’s going to find them on the verge of drying out, he once again finds that they’re green and vibrant, teeming with life.
The third time, though the mission lasts longer than he would have liked it to, it ends a day early and in his rush to get back, he doesn’t even get to text Toge that he’s on his way. All he can think about are the plants in his room—and yes, his boyfriend a few doors down is also a welcome sight, but Toge isn’t going to die if Yuuta doesn’t water him—so he rushes straight to his dorm room.
He finds the door to his room slightly ajar, shoulders tensing for just a moment, before he recognises the familiar trail of cursed energy leading into his room. He opens the door, the sword still sheathed at his hip, and crosses his arms over his chest as he watches Toge move between the plants with a cup of water. He pours some into one of the plants, and gently curses under his breath when some of the water follows the rim of the cup and spills to the windowsill. Yuuta can’t help but laugh softly.
Toge turns to look at him, eyes widening and the grip loosening around the cup, almost dropping it to the floor. Some of the water spills to the ground, and Toge looks between the tiny puddle and Yuuta, eyes wide as he realises he’d been caught.
“You’ve been watering them while I’m away?” Yuuta asks gently, all other formalities thrown out the window. His chest swells with fondness, threatening to burst when Toge gives him a small, shy smile.
“Salmon,” he murmurs, nodding once.
Yuuta finds himself grinning as he crosses the rest of the room. He cradles Toge’s face in his hands, a small noise of content leaving the other student’s mouth when his warm hands meet cold skin, and though he knows he should probably shower first and get changed, Yuuta leans forward and presses a quick kiss to Toge’s lips.
It makes the other student blush a bright red, glancing away immediately after, and whilst it’s usually Yuuta who is the more shy of the two, this time he can’t stop himself from smiling like a fool, eyes glancing between Toge and the healthy plants.
He hadn’t even asked Toge. He just knew. And he did it because it would make Yuuta happy.
“Thank you,” Yuuta whispers, though different words float through his mind. He’ll save them for later though. For now, he thanks him again, words whispered low before he presses another quick kiss to Toge’s lips.
Two.
Yuuta quickly finds that those small, random acts of kindness are how Toge shows his love.
It’s been a long day: hours of physical training (which mostly meant trying not to get his ass kicked by Maki) that were followed by even more hours of training with Gojou, manifesting Rika and holding the new curse stable as Gojou attacked with no mercy. Somewhere after that training session, he’d been roped in to helping the first years train, and had spent another two hours dodging blows from Megumi’s shikigami, Yuuji’s impossibly fast attacks and Nobara’s nails flying through the air. Just as he’d sat down and Panda had approached him to say they were going to buy some food, Gojou appeared with a casual ‘yo!’ thrown over his shoulder and sent him on a mission.
Yuuta faces the semi-first grade curse with his sword drawn and stomach grumbling. It’s a quick fight, his cursed energy bursting at the seams to get him out of here as quickly as possible.
When Ijichi drives him back, it’s pitch black outside and Yuuta pulls his tired body out of the car with a groan, quickly thanking him for the ride. He enters the communal kitchen and groans at the sight of empty takeaway containers littered across the table, all empty, yet the smell permeates the room, delicious and making Yuuta’s stomach grumble even more.
It’s far too late to cook. All he wants to do right now is sleep.
His phone buzzes in his pocket, and on his way to his dorm room, Yuuta checks the text.
From: Toge <3
Got u sum onigiri earlier, left in fridge
Yuuta feels like he might cry.
He opens the fridge and sure enough, he finds a small container with a note with his name on it. He glances down at the note, and the little heart drawn terribly in the corner and laughs to himself, too loud for this hour of the night.
He doesn’t bother heating it up, heading back to the dorm rooms. Since he received the message not long ago, he knocks on Toge’s door; it opens just a few seconds later, his boyfriend smiling as he lets him in. Yuuta presses a quick kiss to the corner of his lips and moves inside the room, grinning as he finds Toge’s laptop on the bed, a random movie casting shadows on the walls around them.
“You’re the best,” Yuuta murmurs as Toge presses against his side and leads them to the bed. “You want some?”
“Bonito flakes,” Toge murmurs, shaking his head. He had some earlier, Yuuta remembers, so he reaches for the onigiri and starts making his way through them quickly, stomach grumbling again.
Toge laughs when he hears it, but leans forward and demands a bite at some point, gaze drawn back to the film as they sit side by side, pressed close. Yuuta realises belatedly that the flavour of the onigiri is perfect, his absolute favourite, even when eaten cold; he glances over at Toge and can’t help but smile, knowing that wasn’t a coincidence.
“Thanks,” Yuuta murmurs, once he’s finished.
Toge turns to look at him, rolls his eyes and reaches to wipe the bits of rice still stuck around his mouth. Yuuta laughs and presses a kiss against his hand, gaze flickering up to meet Toge’s as he murmurs the words he’d said many times in the past year they’ve been together.
“I love you,” Yuuta whispers, and watches Toge’s eyes widen, the usual reaction that makes him chuckle slightly. Even so, he signs out the words in return almost immediately, as if he can’t even fathom not saying them back; Yuuta grins and tackles him into the bed, laughing and happy, and if that’s where they fall asleep then nobody can blame them.
Three .
They’ve just started their third year, and there’s no chance that Yuuta will be going abroad again—not this time, he’s here to stay, no matter what—but luck is never on his side when it comes to peacefully starting a new school year.
It starts with a runny nose. He wipes at it, dodging one of Maki’s blows, and wonders briefly how much blood must be oozing from his nose from the last hit that caught him. But there’s no blood on his hand, just an uncomfortable stuffiness in his nose—it’s ironic that it feels better when Maki lands a swift kick to it, even when he hears the bone breaking. She does apologise, very briefly, before Yuuta dramatically flops on the ground and groans, done with training for the day even as he heals the injury.
By lunchtime, he can’t stop coughing, throat raw and dry no matter how much water he drinks. Toge sends him a confused look once he gets into another coughing fit, but apart from a concerned look and a pat on the shoulder, doesn’t say anything.
By afternoon training, he’s sweating and coughing and sneezing at the same time, and even Gojou takes pity on him. “You’re done,” he tells him, “go take your germs back to your room. You’ll cough all over me,” he pauses as the rest of the students glare at him, “and you know, you’ll get more sick and stuff.”
“I’m not sick,” Yuuta manages to respond, accompanied by the world’s most comically timed sneeze.
So that’s how he ends up in bed, arms crossed over his chest as he scowls at his ceiling. He can hear his friends and fellow students laughing in the background, laughter echoing the dorm hallways, as they lounge about in the sunshine after a long day of training.
He reaches for another tissue and coughs into the material, body shaking as he can’t find the balance between freezing and too hot, shivering instead. He groans and tries to get more comfortable but his bedsheets are already drenched in sweat and there’s a dull ache settling into his very bones, making each movement more and more difficult.
His stomach grumbles, and he considers getting up to get some food, but the sheer idea of being anything but horizontal right now already makes him dizzy.
As if on cue, there’s a knock on his bedroom door, and Toge’s cursed energy seeps through the cracks before Yuuta even has a chance to ask who it is. He opens the door soon after, peeking in, mouth still covered by his uniform, but Yuuta watches his eyebrows scrunch with concern as he comes into the room and closes the door behind him.
He pulls down the zip on his collar and Yuuta is treated to that beautiful smile, wavering and unsure right now, though widening once Toge lifts the container he holds in his hand.
“Tuna,” he says, smiling lightly, and Yuuta’s gaze drops to the soup in his hands, steaming up the container. He smiles in return, but his throat seizes up again and he turns away, coughing into his arm.
“You should—” Yuuta starts, voice hoarse, pausing to cough again. “You should stay away. You’ll get sick.”
Toge shrugs and still approaches the bed, setting the container down on the bedside table and reaching out to press the back of his hand against Yuuta’s forehead. He scowls, hand retreating and sighs as he turns towards the door. He leaves without another word, and though Yuuta knows this is what he asked for, he can’t help but feel disappointed at having Toge leave.
His door opens exactly two minutes later, and Yuuta raises his head to watch Toge march through it with a small bowl and a cloth in his hand. He sets the bowl down beside the container he left earlier and sits down at the edge of the bed, making Yuuta whine.
“You’ll get sick,” Yuuta reminds quietly and Toge rolls his eyes.
Maybe it’s telling just how unwell he is that Yuuta thinks they look pretty when he does that.
Toge dips the cloth in the water, wrings it out, then folds it and presses it to Yuuta’s forehead. It’s cool, a welcome relief against his skin, and Yuuta can’t help but whine in appreciation. The sound only makes Toge chuckle, and he leans forward to press a quick kiss to Yuuta’s cheek; he tries swatting at him, to make sure Toge doesn’t get sick, but his boyfriend is having none of it.
Toge reaches out and grabs his hand, squeezing it once, before he gets up and leaves the room again. He comes back a couple minutes later, with his laptop and a few DVDs, and Yuuta smiles softly at him. Toge changes the cloth, making it cool once more, then settles the laptop on a chair he pulls over and sits cross-legged on the bed. He lifts a few movies for Yuuta to choose, and Yuuta picks randomly, quietly watching Toge load the movie.
Half way through the movie—and copious new cold presses later—Yuuta’s stomach growls again, and Toge takes the cue immediately, reaching for the soup he brought earlier. It’s still warm, and Yuuta pulls himself up slightly, reaching for the spoon.
“Bonito flakes,” Toge shakes his head, and Yuuta frowns up at him. He then dips the spoon in the container and carefully holds it out for Yuuta to eat.
Yuuta looks at him for a short moment, bottom lip slightly wobbly before Toge huffs and nudges him with his knee. He leans forward and eats the soup, groaning at how good it tastes against his sore throat.
“Toge,” he murmurs, once the container is empty and he’s feeling pleasantly warm all over, “you’re the best.”
Toge rolls his eyes and starts the movie again.
“Bonito flakes.” Shut up.
Yuuta grins. “I love you,” he says.
Toge nudges him with his knee and rolls his eyes again, though this time, there’s a smile on his face.
Four.
Yuuta slices through the curse and Rika retreats, disappearing out of sight at the same time as the curse begins to melt into ash, seeping into the ground and erasing any trace of it existing in the first place. Yuuta takes a step forward and stumbles, legs shaking suddenly; he presses the tip of his sword against the ground, still wet and muddy from the rain, and braces himself, resting his weight against his weapon.
His knees threaten to buckle under him, and he huffs out a humourless chuckle, shaking his head at how foolish he’d been to think he hadn’t used so much cursed energy. It was a special grade curse, sure, but far from the toughest he’d faced before.
He can feel Rika looming at the surface, whispering his name with worry—some retained emotions from the original curse, or however Gojou had explained it—so he closes his eyes and tries to focus on not throwing up, wiping off some of the mud on his face with his sleeve instead. His knees shake with exertion, and he slowly lifts his head to watch the veil unfold around them. It means someone will be here soon, and Yuuta doesn’t have to worry anymore. He hopes Toge is okay.
“Yuuta!”
He glances up again and can’t help but smile at the way his name leaves Toge’s mouth. His tone is frantic though, worried and loud, raspy from overuse of his technique. With Toge in his sight, he feels his body relax slightly—thank god he’s okay—and his knees finally buckle under him, slipping to kneel in the mud, forehead resting against the flat surface of his sword. He feels the mud drench through the material of his uniform, and then there are hands grabbing his face—gentle, insistent, warm against clammy skin.
“Yuuta,” it’s a softer whisper now, said so tenderly that Yuuta cracks open his eyes and looks up at Toge. He lets go of his sword and hears it clatter to the ground, forgotten for the moment. Toge kneels in front of him, holding his face in his hands as his violet gaze wanders over Yuuta’s face and body, checking for injuries.
“You should see the other guy,” Yuuta huffs out weakly, trying to crack a smile but hissing mid-way through, realising his lip must be split.
“Bonito flakes,” Toge murmurs with a scowl. Not funny.
“I’m okay,” Yuuta assures him instantly. “Are you—where is everyone?” he adds in a murmur, finding his eyes closing with the help of the gentle back and forth rhythm of Toge’s thumb on his cheek.
“Tuna,” Toge murmurs, voice insistent, and Yuuta opens his eyes to look at him again. He catches and holds his gaze, and as he focuses he can’t help but notice that there are tiny specks of dark brown in Toge’s eyes, such a contrast against the bright violet that they almost look black at this moment. He also can’t miss the worry swimming in those eyes, so he lifts one of his hands and rests it against Toge’s, pressing his palm against warm skin. Toge seems more at ease with the move, and nods once before starting to hoist Yuuta’s arm around his shoulders.
“Where is everyone else? Are they okay?” Yuuta whispers, groaning as he’s pulled to his feet. He towers over Toge in height these days, so it never fails to impress him how much strength the other sorcerer possesses to lift him without any issues.
“Bonito flakes,” Toge murmurs, shrugging slightly, but there’s no concern in his tone. “Yuuta,” he adds faintly, pulling his arm higher around his shoulders as they start walking.
And Yuuta understands the sentiment: Toge had come to find him first.
He feels a blush creeping up his neck and settling on his cheeks, a welcome warmth blooming on his skin.
“I love you,” Yuuta huffs out.
“Bonito flakes.” Stop.
“So I can’t tell you I love you anymore?” Yuuta chuckles, twitching slightly as his stomach hurts, hissing and teeth gritted when a wave of pain flashes through his body.
“Bonito flakes. Mustard leaf.” It makes it sound like you’re dying.
Yuuta chuckles again, scowling as it sends another shooting pain to his stomach. “Fair enough,” he murmurs. “But I do. I really love you.”
Toge moves his arm higher around his shoulders, huffing with exertion, and presses closer to him. The arm around Yuuta’s waist squeezes once, fingers twisted in the fabric of his shirt, and Yuuta feels the sentiment returned even when Toge doesn’t say it out loud.
1.
Yuuta never expects to hear the words.
They arrive as most things Toge does: randomly, making an appearance for the sole purpose of causing mischief.
Yuuta glances at the stack of plates in front of him, then back to the rest of the students happily chatting away in the common room. He analyses the dishes once more, filled to the brim with food, then glances down at his hands; he can probably carry four bowls, but there are seven of them, so that simply won’t do.
He could just walk over twice. Or call someone over to help.
Yuuta glances at the group: they all look like they’ve enjoying themselves. Panda and Maki areelbowing each other as they try to make a point, and Toge is on his phone likely recording the whole scene. Nobara glances over his shoulder to make sure he gets it all, while Yuuji and Megumi drape themselves over the couch, kicking at the other once in a while to make more room, then pouting when the other doesn’t move.
Yuuta stacks all seven bowls along his arms, takes a deep breath and starts walking towards them, everything balanced precariously.
It’s not far, he can make it.
Then he steps on something.
There’s a quiet squeak and everyone turns to Yuuta. The rabbit shikigami under his foot scurries away, and Yuuta curses himself for forgetting about the shikigami Yuuji had Megumi summon earlier.
He loses his balance and the bowls go flying.
It happens in slow motion.
He can see the bowls flying through the air, his friends watching the same scene—he’s sure he can see an additional eye on Yuuji’s cheek, as if Sukuna’s existence isn’t enough and he has to look upon this trainwreck as well—and Yuuta panics. Some of his friends are already moving out of their seats, in a futile attempt to save the food, Megumi’s hands clasped to summon the most convenient shikigami, but Yuuta knows they won’t make it on time.
Rika manifests behind him, clawed arms far longer and bigger than Yuuta’s, and catches the bowls perfectly, not a drop of food spilled.
Yuuta sighs in relief, reaching up to wipe sweat forming on his forehead.
And then, the room bursts in laughter.
Yuuta can’t help but laugh along, small and quiet, as he glances at Rika with gratitude. He should have done this in the beginning.
Toge bumps his shoulder against him, shoulders shaking with laughter even though his mouth is covered so Yuuta can’t see the bright smile. Yuuta looks around, bewildered, at his friends, before turning to Toge and rolling his eyes.
Toge shakes his head slightly, violet eyes filled with fondness, and pulls the zipper on his collar down, finally exposing the smile Yuuta has been yearning for. He leans forward, stretches up, and places a quick kiss on Yuuta’s cheek, a fleeting movement that has Yuuta blushing lightly.
“I love you.”
It takes a moment to register the words, and Yuuta laughs softly, before realising they left Toge’s mouth. He looks up sharply, eyes widening and finds Toge still laughing lightly, though he looks far more bashful now, aware of what he said and searching for Yuuta’s reaction.
It’s… it’s the first time Yuuta’s ever heard them out loud.
Rika disappears, and the dishes go clattering to the floor. There’s a collective groan around the room, as well as yells of his name—and he’s pretty sure Maki is already on her way to punch him—but all he can focus on right now is Toge and the words he said, the words Yuuta has always yearned hearing.
Maki punches him in the stomach and tells him to make heart eyes at Toge later.
Yuuta pays for the pizza for everyone.
Later that night, when they’re wrapped in each other’s arms, lips pressing insistently against skin, hands trailing over shoulders, and waists, and hips and lower, lower and lower, Toge says it again. He whispers the words against Yuuta’s skin, a vow pressed to his chest, words murmured against his cheek and finally, his lips.
Yuuta loves the taste of them on Toge’s lips—he doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of hearing them.