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“Does sex while high feel good?”
Jayce and Viktor are laying on the couch in their shared apartment, sprawled over one another in a way that would seem incredibly uncomfortable to any onlooker. But Jayce needs the contact like he needs air - he always does when he’s high. The constant feeling of wishing he could melt right into Viktor and become part of him intensifies to the point of all encompassing. He’s sure that in this state he could do it. If he could just press hard enough, love Viktor enough, make contact with enough of Viktor’s body-
“Eh- what?”
Oh. Jayce forgot he had asked Viktor something. What had he asked again?
All he can recall is the way Viktor shifted against him, the warmth of his breath against the crook in Jayce’s neck causing him to shiver. Jayce would give the world to be just a sliver of Viktor, to be his eyes or his hands or his feet. If Jayce could burst into a thousand particles and have Viktor breathe him in, settle in his lungs forever, that would be Heaven.
Sometimes Jayce feels like he has become part of Viktor when they have sex. It’s easy to get lost inside Viktor - warm and yielding and wet. He feels like Viktor is part of him when Viktor is inside him - full and indulgent and mind quieted for the moment. God Jayce loves when Viktor’s inside him. He can almost perfectly imagine the feeling of Viktor filling him while laying here like this, a phantom sensation of the firm slide of Viktor’s toys, the stretch Jayce didn’t know could feel so good -
Ah, that’s right. That’s the question he had asked.
“Does sex feel good when you’re high?” Jayce asks again.
Viktor is so warm against him, and thinking about sex makes Jayce even warmer. A low swirl begins in his guts. It feels like fire- but the friendly kind. The wonderful warm kind, like the low simmering fire in a family’s worn fireplace late into the night on Christmas. Nostalgic, familiar.
“Mmm… I am not sure. I have never had sex while high,” Viktor leans further into Jayce, curling around him and tangling their legs into an even more complicated jumble. Jayce is sure they’re never going to be able to separate them. Good.
“Really?” Jayce’s mouth feels like it's full of cotton, so it takes a moment to get the words out.
With whatever functional brain cells Jayce has left in his head, he knows he’s shocked by Viktor’s response not because he thought it was something Viktor might have done a lot, nor did he assume Viktor would be into it, but it seemed like something he would have done at least once. Viktor slept around back in their college days, and he also got high a lot back in their college days. The fact that the two activities never crossed paths is surprising. Especially since Viktor is always doing things just to satisfy his curiosity, never needing much of a reason.
“You know how I get, Jayce. I like to be in control during sex and when I am not, it requires a lot of… trust. Being high might make it hard to be in control. Or make the other person unpredictable,” Viktor sighs the words against Jayce’s chin, running a hand from Jayce’s shoulder to the bottom of his ribs. The touch leaves imaginary steam in its wake, hot even through Jayce’s clothes.
Jayce loves how open Viktor gets when they’re like this - in the clouds and affectionate, minds elsewhere like they have no other responsibilities in the world than to stare into each other’s eyes.
“That makes sense.” Jayce is satiated by Viktor’s answer for now.
It’s not often that his brain quiets, devoid of the ever-present onslaught of questions and thoughts and answers. His unyielding internal monologue is one of the reasons he started smoking weed with Viktor in the first place, to see if it would help his anxiety. And it has.
They went about it in all the right ways, Viktor made sure of that. If Jayce didn’t already owe Viktor his life, he’d owe it to him again for this too. A way to relax, to sit still, to cuddle on the couch with none of the hyperactive twitching or sensory overstimulation that seem to follow him everywhere. Because Jayce always has things he needs to do, things he needs to think about, things he needs to work on - but like this, he doesn’t have to think about them. He can’t think about them.
Their inebriated cuddle sessions are always preplanned. They have to be, by nature of their busy schedules. It makes it even better, though, to have something to look forward to. To know that in two weeks Jayce will have 5 hours just to himself and Viktor and nothing else. No emails, no phone calls. Nothing but him, the couch, a Twitch stream on the TV, and an equally relaxed Viktor in his arms.
Jayce was so caught up in thinking about how wonderful their moments getting high together are that he completely forgot he was even in one.
That moment is happening right now. He’s here, with Viktor. Viktor, who is so beautiful and warm and exhaling unsteadily against his chest. A real, living, breathing person. Not just a memory. Viktor and his wonderful mind and witty humor and sharp words.
Jayce tries to mold himself even closer, pressing a wet kiss to Viktor’s forehead and burying his face in Viktor’s unruly brown hair. His hair smells like cooking spice and motor oil and the herbs in his shampoo, all topped with the more recent addition of smoke and weed. Jayce breathes in deep, trying to memorize the scent of him. Viktor’s voice gently pushes through the fog in Jayce’s mind, and it takes him a while to register the question.
“Would you like to have sex while high? Is that why you asked?” Viktor’s voice is thick and sweet like honey, miles away from Jayce’s ears.
Back to what they were talking about. Right.
“Hmm… maybe,” Jayce tries to focus to properly consider the question but all his brain supplies back is how monumentally he loves Viktor. He’d do anything as long as it was with Viktor. Climb mountains, cross deadly ravines, jump off of cliffs - hell, Jayce would move the moon if Viktor asked him to. Without the metal power to communicate that right now, Jayce lets out a long breath and wraps his arms fully around Viktor’s torso and rolls onto his back, pulling Viktor on top of him. Maybe he can send his love to Viktor via osmosis. Has anyone tried before?
“I just wish I could melt into you and become part of you. Is that too much to ask?” Jayce laments as he trails kisses along the top of Viktor’s head, trying to pass all the love in his heart through to Viktor’s brain. Kisses are wet, afterall. So that should work for osmosis…
“You are always saying that,” Viktor chuckles and squirms into a more comfortable position against Jayce. “Well if you want to try, I’d be willing to talk about it. When we’re sober, of course,” Viktor leans up into Jayce’s space, sharing air for a moment while Jayce processes the words.
“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice,” Jayce says and doesn’t waste a moment before he’s craning upwards to meet Viktor’s face where it’s hovering above his.
Kissing while high is familiar territory. It’s lazy and sloppy, nothing but the slide of their lips against one another. Jayce loves it because there’s no rush. Without urgency to go further, they can relax into it. He can really stop and feel Viktor’s mouth against his.
Every crack and bump of Viktor’s dry lips slides against the plush of Jayce’s mouth. Each point of contact feels like tiny needles against his nerves.
He was plenty high just a moment ago, but when they start kissing it really hits him. Jayce is suddenly aware of the entire room around him: their cat Rio purring softly on a dining room chair, the gentle whir of the ceiling fan, the laughter coming from whatever video game livestream they turned on when they sat down, the light in the room changing as the TV shifts, Viktor’s hair tickling the sides of Jayce’s face, the pre-chewed patches on Viktor’s lips, the slim muscle of Viktor’s arm pressed against his sides, the curl of Viktor’s clammy feet against his warm calves, the gentle press of Viktor’s long fingernails into his shoulders - Jayce could die in this moment and be happy.
He wants to bottle it up and keep it forever. If he could pause time right here, right now, all would be perfect. Not a worry in the world except for where he’s going to kiss Viktor next. His pink ear, his fluttering eyelid, the mole beneath his eye, the mole above his lips, the dip of his cheekbone, the crooked bend in the middle of his nose. Jayce can feel all of those spots.
If someone were to ask him in this moment to recall a perfect 3D model of Viktor in his mind to be transferred into the real world, he’s positive he could do it without flaw. Every divot and soft spot and freckle would be squarely in place.
They fall asleep just like that, as intended, with Viktor tucked neatly into all the cushioned spots on Jayce’s body made just for Viktor. The livestream plays all night in the background, and neither of them wake up until Rio meows loud enough for breakfast late into the morning.
-
“Were you being serious last night when you said you might want to try having sex while high?” Viktor’s cleaning out the litter box, balanced on his good knee, far too casual for the conversation he just initiated. Jayce chokes on his late night cup of tea.
“I forgot I asked you that,” Jayce laughs, clearing his throat to remove the boiling water from his windpipe.
He was never very good at talking about sex. It makes him uncomfortable and squeamish. Probably because he grew up Catholic. It wasn’t exactly something he was allowed to talk about… or think about.
When Viktor and Jayce first met, it was one of the first things he learned about Viktor - the man had no shame. No topic was too scandalous or taboo to leave Viktor’s mouth. Viktor was a man of confidence, and it’s still one of Jayce’s favorite things about him.
It was also one of his least favorite things, though, because that meant Viktor insisted on talking everything out before they did it. Which is the right way to do things, of course, but that doesn’t make it any easier on Jayce when the words refuse to leave his mouth.
“Do you still want to talk about it?” Viktor pushes himself up from scoping the litter, crutch under his elbow and tiny shovel still in hand. Squirming under Viktor’s direct eye contact, Jayce tries to tamp down the swelling anxiety forming in his chest. It’s okay to talk about these things. In fact, it’s good to talk about these things. Jayce is allowed to sit in the living room with his long-time boyfriend, whose already in his pajamas, and casually talk about… sex.
Jayce’s body betrays him when he opens his mouth to respond, ramping up the spiral in his mind and static in his guts.
Pause. Breathe. Relax.
Jayce counts to 5 in his head, just like his therapist taught him when the nervousness starts to rise.
1…
Jayce reminds himself it’s okay to want this, it’s okay to ask for things and have sexual desires. It doesn’t make him dirty and it doesn’t make him wrong.
2…
Jayce reminds himself he certainly doesn’t see Viktor in any of those negative ways when Viktor asks for things. He loves when Viktor asks for things and tells Jayce what he wants, what he likes, or when he wants to try something new. It makes Jayce happy. It makes him feel like Viktor is happy.
3…
Jayce reminds himself Viktor has expressed many times that he wishes Jayce would talk about what he wants more. If he can’t do this for himself, he should at least do it for Viktor.
4…
Jayce reminds himself that his shame about sex, and smoking weed if he’s honest, is old guilt centered around ideals that he doesn’t believe in anymore. He doesn’t judge Viktor for the contents their (rather un-vanilla) shared sex life. He doesn’t judge Viktor for using THC medically. So why judge himself for the exact same things?
5…
Jayce reminds himself it’s okay to feel residual guilt, to acknowledge that it’s there, but he can’t let it control him. Once he’s seen it and examined it for what it is, he needs to let it go.
Jayce takes a deep breath. He can let himself have this. He can talk about this. Just this once.
“Yeah. If you… I think… I would like to talk about it. If that’s something you’d be… into?” Jayce doesn’t remember exactly what Viktor said when he first brought it up. Something about control and trust and unpredictability . Knowing Viktor, Jayce can piece together what he had said, and Jayce doesn’t want to talk Viktor into something that will make him nervous.
“I certainly wouldn’t have inebriated sex with a stranger, no. But you are not a stranger. And I know what you are like when you’re high. I believe I am comfortable with the idea,” Viktor finally drops the litter scoop back where it belongs and makes his way over to Jayce. Viktor takes a seat near Jayce at the dining table, elegant and serious like he’s not wearing a matching baby-blue striped pajama set and fuzzy slippers. He leans forward on his crutch into Jayce’s space to place a reassuring hand on Jayce’s thigh, and Jayce falls in love all over again.
“Are you sure?” Jayce can’t help himself from double-checking.
“Yes, Jayce. But what about you? Was there a particular reason you wanted to try it?” Viktor lifts his hand off of Jayce and holds his hand out, an invitation to wind their fingers together. He can probably feel Jayce shaking the floor with how much he’s anxiously bouncing his leg. Jayce takes Viktor’s hand and is very grateful for the grounding touch. It gives him something to fiddle with and calm his nerves, anxiously thumbing at Viktor’s bony knuckles like he always does.
Jayce steals his nerves and counts to 5 again.
1… 2… 3… 4… 5…
“Whenever we get high together I just want nothing more than to be as close to you as possible. And that just seems like… you know…” Jayce can’t finish the sentence, tan cheeks flushing a deep red and he has to drop his eyes from Viktor’s face to the floor.
“Like that would be the logical next step to being close?” Viktor, thank God, supplies for him. He sounds out of breath, but Jayce isn’t looking at him to know what that means.
“Yeah, exactly,” Jayce says. He forces himself to look up from the floor and at Viktor’s face again, his need to see Viktor’s expression winning over his embarrassment.
What Jayce finds wasn’t what he was expecting.
He was expecting, honestly, something neutral. A small nod and lips pressed thin with thought. Perhaps even for Viktor to reassuringly rub his fingers over the back of Jayce’s hand; a silent I may not feel the same way, but I understand .
But instead, he looks up to find Viktor’s pale face dusted pink with a soft blush. His mouth is parted slightly, revealing the cute crooked teeth that Jayce loves. And his eyes - God, Viktor’s golden eyes - are alight with something so warm and full of emotion that Jayce can’t even begin to process it.
It almost looks like Viktor could start crying at any moment.
“Are you alright?” Jayce pinches his eyebrows together and gives Viktor’s hand a firm squeeze.
“Yes! Yes I am fine, it is just,” Viktor pauses, taking a moment to blink the moisture out of his eyes and rub a hand across his face. “That is a very sweet reason to want to try something like that.” Viktor squeezes his hand back.
What other reasons would there be? Jayce’s confusion must show on his face because Viktor elaborates.
“Most of the people who have asked me to try it are just trying to check something off of their bucket list, or they have heard it will feel really good and want to do it for personal pleasure. It is… reassuring, to know that your reason for wanting to is so sentimental,” Viktor sighs, granting Jayce a small smile before picking Jayce’s hand up and leaving a small kiss against his knuckles.
“Oh. Those seem like lame reasons,” Jayce says and immediately feels stupid. Did he really have to ruin an emotional moment like that? But then Viktor is laughing, and so is Jayce. They laugh and tumble to the bedroom and apologize to Rio as they shut the door in his face. When they fall into bed, Jayce lets Viktor to fuck him into a puddle, slow and sweet, Viktor whispering praises into Jayce’s ears.
The rest of their conversation can wait until later. Now, Jayce just wants Viktor to know how much he loves him.
-
After the reassurance that it was something they both wanted, hashing out the details was easy.
Viktor decided he wanted to be the one receiving - “It will be easier. We won’t have to deal with lube or toys or stretching you out,” he had said. Which was a great point, considering just how lazy they can get while high. (Jayce very clearly remembers Viktor microwaving a cup of water for tea because waiting for the kettle was too much work. He doesn’t want them taking those kinds of short-cuts when his asshole is involved.)
They picked their next free night to get high again and agreed they’d try having sex. And that was it. All there was left to do was wait.
-
When the day finally rolls around, Jayce is practically vibrating with excitement. He’s been half-hard all day - unable to concentrate on literally anything. And he can tell Viktor is eager too, because they both arrive home with giant smiles on their faces and rush through their after-work routine as fast as possible.
“Ready?” Viktor asks Jayce when they’re finally seated next to each other on their plush couch, placing his pipe on the coffee table alongside the locked leather chest he keeps his supplies in.
“Same as always!” Jayce laughs and presses an enthusiastic kiss onto Viktor’s cheek.
It was incredibly difficult to not initiate some action before they sat down to get started. Viktor is wearing one of Jayce’s sleep shirts over his small frame, the hem almost reaching his knees, with only black boxers underneath it. Viktor even brushed his hair out, detangling the styling he did that morning, leaving his hair puffy and wild in a way that makes Jayce want to spend hours running his fingers through the mess. But it would have ruined the fun to push Viktor up against the countertop with Jayce’s sleep shirt on, to pull his boxers down and lean up under the shirt where Viktor can’t see him, to run his canines along the soft of Viktor’s thigh-
“Find something on the TV, would you?” Viktor passes Jayce the TV remote, and he’s endlessly thankful to have been given a task to distract himself while Viktor sets up.
He settles on some Twitch streamer with a soft voice that they’re both familiar with, hoping to find something that won’t become intrusive or distracting. The last thing Jayce wants to be thinking about while inside Viktor is video games.
And then the tip of the pipe is resting gently against his mouth, an invitation to begin.
An hour later, when Jayce is high as hell and melting into the couch, he can barely remember they had a goal here. The soft sounds of the TV are lulling him into the usual warm sense of security.
They’re smushed onto the couch, laying on their sides with a few pillows from their bed dragged out to the living room placed around them for extra support or comfort where they need it. Jayce can’t help but run his free hand along all of Viktor; Up and down and up and down the familiar planes of his shoulder, his arm, his waist, his leg.
The room is warm and fuzzy, bleeding into Jayce’s pores and filling him to the brim with soft static and coziness.
Jayce isn’t quite sure he can hear the TV, but whatever the streamer says makes him laugh anyways. And Viktor is laughing with him - chuckles vibrating through his back and into Jayce’s soul.
There’s that feeling again. The feeling that he wants to give up everything he’s ever been, everything he currently is, everything he might become - and just be part of Viktor instead. To not just feel Viktor’s laughter rumble into him, but to feel it as though it’s part of his own chest. Jayce wants to feel Viktor’s passion in his bones, Viktor’s joy behind his eyes, Viktor’s sadness in his lungs.
Jayce wraps his arm around Viktor’s small waist and squeezes tight, pulling Viktor back against him as much as he can - trying to fit them seamlessly against one another.
Slotted together, Viktor starts to shift against him. Jayce thinks it’s discomfort at first, loosening the pressure of his arm to give Viktor space to worm himself into a good position, but then Viktor grabs his arm and resituates it into that same firm grip.
His body moves faster than his mind - Jayce can feel himself growing hard in his sweatpants, but it’s only after that sensation that he realizes just what Viktor is really doing. Viktor isn’t getting comfortable, he’s grinding back against Jayce. On purpose. Oh. Oh.
We decided to have sex.
The thought hits Jayce like a freight train and he can’t stop the deep groan that leaves his mouth. Even if he could, he doesn't want to stop the noise. He wants- needs- Viktor to know how good he feels. And, perhaps for the first time ever, doesn’t feel the twinge of shame that usually comes with vocalizing it.
Viktor moving back against him feels fantastic; The soft grind pushes warmth and friction against Jayce. It sends pleasure up through Jayce’s body in a way he’s never experienced before. Instead of sparks or quick jolts with every hard press, it feels like firm, constant pressure. The pleasure builds steadily, rising with the backwards push of Viktor’s ass against him.
It comes and goes in waves, pleasure lulling in with the tide and waning as it leaves. The push and pull of Viktor against him becomes the push and pull of the ocean, the air of the fan becomes a Summer breeze. Jayce lets his eyes fall closed, surrendering to the water as it rolls him around and pulls him under. Every wave of lust crashes through his whole body, and Jayce is sure that if he were really in the ocean that he would be swallowing far too much saltwater.
“Does that feel good?” Viktor asks, breathless already. Jayce has to collect himself to respond, gripping Viktor’s arm tight to ground himself. Forcing his eyes open, Jayce shakes himself free of the imagery he had conjured in his mind.
No ocean, no water. Just Viktor and the couch.
“Yes. Mmm-” he flops over Viktor’s side to get a good angle, shuffling his hand around with little grace to get his palm over Viktor’s cock through his boxers. He presses and shifts, grinding the heel of his hand against Viktor in the way he knows Viktor likes (and can only hope he’s executing well in this state).
He must do a decent job because Viktor immediately melts into the touch.
“Ah, that is nice.” Viktor is shifting in every direction now - carelessly trying to chase pleasure from Jayce’s hand and grind back against him at the same time.
If this were any other couch-fuck, they’d be tearing off each other’s clothes by now. There’s always this underlying rush when they have sex, a need to get to the good parts with whatever fraction of time they have. Sometimes it’s part of what makes sex exciting, sometimes it’s purely out of necessity.
But here, now, there’s no such rush.
Jayce is more than content to just let Viktor roll forward and back, forward and back. The hand Jayce has pushed up against Viktor makes no moves to get into Viktor’s boxers even though it would be so easy. The space between Viktor’s legs is hot and moist, seeping through the thin fabric to thicken the air around Jayce’s hand and dampen Viktor’s thighs.
There’s no way of telling just how long they lay like that, the slow grind of Viktor’s ass the only thing existing in Jayce’s mind. Nothing else in the room exists except for the minute shifts of Viktor’s body against his. Jayce couldn’t look away if he tried, because he’s certain only void lies beyond them.
The cream colored fabric of Viktor’s sleep shirt - Jayce’s shirt - slips upwards with Viktor’s movement, giving Jayce a view of Viktor grinding against him.
All the freckles that adorn Viktor’s back spiral into endless constellations. Jayce distinctly remembers spending an entire night while high one time tracing his fingertips across every single one of Viktor’s freckles - drawing an invisible star map in his wake. He can see the star map still now, invisible ink connecting each coffee colored freckle, inviting Jayce to renew the lines.
The arm Jayce is laying on creeps forward to brush against the freckles. He can’t retrace the constellations right now, but later- he’ll do it later. Right now, Jayce has already moved on to staring at Viktor’s ass.
Slim like the rest of him, Jayce wants to pull down the black fabric to reveal fair skin, blessed by stars just like the rest of him. He’s memorized all the divots and squishy parts, where it’s best to lay his head, how Viktor likes it squeezed- smacked. And most importantly, it protects one of his favorite parts of Viktor.
Which Jayce will never admit out loud, because it’s incredibly unromantic to tell your partner their genitalia is one of the best parts of them.
However, there’s no denying how much Jayce loves that part of Viktor, adores how much Viktor trusts him with that part of himself. He can feel it, hot and slick, beneath his palm where Viktor’s thrusting into his hand.
Jayce rarely tops; He has a preference for Viktor’s dominant side and their large collection of silicone and plastic toys that Viktor fucks him with. But on the occasion that Viktor lets Jayce crawl on top of him, lick his way into every corner of Viktor’s insides, push into that precious piece of him - those occasions are some of Jayce’s most protected memories.
As soon as he conjures the memories, he swears he can feel Viktor around him. Tight, hot - it’s too easy to picture, far too vivid to be fair. He can recall the wet, pulsing walls inside Viktor with startling accuracy. If Jayce concentrates hard enough, he can feel himself fucking into Viktor in his memories.
Oh, fuck.
A tsunami of boiling need takes over Jayce. The only thing he can think of is Viktor , Viktor, Viktor.
“Fuck- babe-” Jayce moans into Viktor’s ear despite the fact that nothing changed. Not Viktor’s pace, not their position, not even words were exchanged; but Jayce feels like he could spontaneously combust at any moment. And he almost does when Viktor moans back.
“C’mere-” Viktor pants and shifts in Jayce’s arms, turning to catch his lips.
Jayce blinks and suddenly he’s on top of Viktor, a hand pushing Viktor’s oversized shirt up to stroke over his pelvis. They’re kissing still but barely keeping up, lips lazily meeting in the middle, tongues moving without purpose.
Back in his own body, Jayce slips his hand down further.
He grazes down soft pliant skin, dipping into the waistband of Viktor’s boxers. He’s only there for a moment before he dips further. Jayce scratches his fingertips through the dense curls above and around Viktor’s cock, trailing them around until he reaches his intended destination: Viktor’s slit. He dips a single finger down to part his folds and-
Holy fuck .
Jayce can’t tell if it’s the high or if it’s real life that Viktor is this fucking wet. Jayce touches his fingers to him and two immediately start to slide in almost on accident. He pulls them back to spread the slick and rub at Viktor’s cock, but between the inebriation and just how absolutely wet and open Viktor is, they keep slipping down and briefly entering him.
“Sorry,” Jayce breathes into Viktor’s mouth, mixing his words with Viktor’s light moans. “You’re just… so wet. ” Jayce rubs his soaked fingers hard against Viktor’s cock as he says it, getting exactly the reaction he was hoping for when Viktor lets his head roll back and to the side with a loud groan.
“It’s okay. You can put them in,” Viktor whispers, chewing on his bottom lip and looking at Jayce with half-open eyes from where his head is practically falling off of the couch.
Permission granted, Jayce wastes no time letting his fingers run through Viktor’s wet folds, starting at his cock and brushing past his hole a few times before letting the fingers slide in how they desperately keep trying to. His fingers meet no resistance. He’s drenched with slick all the way in, and Jayce isn’t sure which one of them moans louder.
Jayce only gets two firm strokes in before Viktor speaks up again, “Clothes off?” Viktor’s eyes are wide open, bringing a trembling hand to Jayce’s cheek. Jayce lays a kiss into the palm of it and obeys Viktor’s request without preamble.
Jayce carefully strips Viktor of his underwear, wiping his fingers on them before gently rolling them off in one go. As he takes them off, he’s confronted with the endless planes of Viktor’s pale skin. Jayce knows there’s something else he was supposed to do - some other task he was assigned - but he can’t fathom looking at anything else. Everything in Jayce’s vision narrows until it’s just the long, smooth curves of Viktor’s legs and the creamy skin on the insides of his thighs, bruised from last night’s activities. Jayce can’t look away, not even up to Viktor’s face.
Jayce leans down to mouth at Viktor's feverish skin. He takes his time to lick every freckle and nip every divot and bump. Every time he gets his tongue on a freckle, it seems to float off of Viktor’s body and into the air, swirling in Jayce’s mind until he knows the exact shape and shade of it. The star map returns to his vision, refusing to let Jayce forget that Viktor is made of stardust and everything holy. The universe rests in this man's clammy, thin hands. Jayce hopes he’s gentle with it, but knows that no matter what, Viktor will do what’s right.
The universe is in good hands.
Content, Jayce closes his lips around Viktor’s ankle, bent and pointy, and laves his tongue across the prominent bones there. Seconds or hours could have passed before he moves to Viktor’s calf, curling a strong hand around it in support as he counts the birth marks and catalogs every hair. Each one an asteroid or comet or planet in Viktor’s orbit.
Jayce wants to know every detail about Viktor. He wants to fill a notebook with all the little things he learns and knows and sees. He wants to map out the entire universe in Viktor’s name, label each piece of him with the care and love of a dedicated scientist naming their first star. Maybe then he can become part of Viktor, once he’s had him mapped fully from the outside. Maybe then he’ll let Jayce in.
As he’s kissing the inside of Viktor’s knee, Jayce’s vision re-expands and reminds him that he’s not floating in space, naming asteroids and cataloging stars after the many unique parts of Viktor. Jayce is here, on the couch with Viktor, in the apartment they pay for together. And, most importantly, Jayce realizes Viktor’s letting him do this without fuss. Viktor is letting Jayce take his time, kiss and admire every inch of his body, worship him like Jayce has always dreamed of doing. And Viktor isn’t squirming away or hiding his face behind his elbow; he’s relaxed.
In fact, Jayce has never seen Viktor so relaxed during sex. Which isn’t to say that’s always a bad thing. Jayce likes when Viktor is demanding, when Viktor is in control. It’s their dynamic in bed. But that also means Viktor has to be in command of his own reactions most of the time, so Jayce rarely gets to see Viktor truly let loose.
Viktor is absolutely letting loose now: brown shaggy hair in a messy halo, head tilted halfway off the couch, mouth spit slick and red from their kissing, hips still, legs barely spread enough to give Jayce room to finger him, and - most surprisingly - he hasn’t stopped making noise.
Ever since Jayce got his fingers in him, and even after he took them out to remove Viktor’s boxers, Viktor has been letting out little whines and moans nonstop, like he can’t help them or doesn’t even know he’s making them. And sure, Viktor often talks a lot during sex - groans or grunts and makes demands - but he doesn’t whine. He never whines.
“Jayce, please.” And he certainly never begs.
“Please what?” Jayce isn’t trying to tease Viktor or get him to say it - he knows Viktor can say anything sex related with a straight face. His brain is just so scrambled right now, like a cracked egg on hot pavement, that he can’t decide what the logical next step is without guidance.
“Clothes off. And then- mmm- inside me. I don’t need prep, I promise. Please-,” Viktor responds as he shifts his hips up, grinding over Jayce’s still-clothed erection and staining the front of Jayce’s sweatpants with his slick.
“ Fuck, Viktor,” Jayce groans into Viktor’s mouth and tries to get the order of actions right in his head. Inside- no, clothes off then inside- but he can’t take his clothes off laying down so- alright, stand up, clothes off, inside. Okay. Jayce can do that.
Stand up, clothes off, inside.
Standing up, no matter how slowly Jayce rises, makes Jayce dizzy, but he pushes through the haze to get his shirt and pants off, already craving contact again like a starved man. Every second not pressed against Viktor is one full of pain and aching need.
Jayce dives back onto the couch with Viktor, desperate to push their bare skin together once he’s naked. And thankfully he finds Viktor is naked too, little sparks erupting all over his skin where they touch. Everything goes fuzzy when Jayce feels a hand around his dick, firm and guiding. Before he realizes it, he’s pushing up against Viktor’s slit, rubbing the moisture around and getting beads of sticky liquid tangled in his pubic hair.
Jayce died and went to Heaven. There’s no other explanation for how good this feels.
He stays there for a few more moments, still feeling the high allowing him to slow down. Despite how much Jayce wants to be inside Viktor, he’s in no rush. Viktor’s grip gives Jayce room to rub the head of his dick against the underside of Viktor’s cock a few more times before he finally grasps Jayce more firmly, directing him forward.
“Are you sure?” The question is on autopilot - Jayce always has to make sure.
“Yes- Jayce, please-” Viktor’s moan gets cut off by a louder one as Jayce finally pushes inside. Jayce is sure Viktor’s hole is eating him alive.
He intends to go slow, intends to push just the tip in and wait to rock into Viktor slowly and open him up on his cock. That plan goes out the window, though, when Jayce pushes in and Viktor practically swallows him whole. Viktor is so relaxed and dripping that Jayce slides right up until his pelvis is flush with Viktor’s, no pushing needed.
It’s perfect. It’s home. It’s perfect and it’s home and everything good in the world wrapped up and deposited inside Viktor where only Jayce can reach.
Enveloped by Viktor’s pulsing heat, Jayce buries his head against Viktor’s shoulder, mouthing at the cluster of freckles there - a galactic cluster of swirling tan marks. And if the goal was to feel like he’s finally part of Viktor, they succeed a thousand-fold. Jayce’s mind immediately gets lost inside Viktor. Warm, welcoming, pliant Viktor. Jayce pushes too far into his orbit, grinding forward into his heat, and gets sucked in like an unsuspecting planet on the edge of a black hole.
He’s Viktor. He’s Viktor and Viktor is him.
Rocking forward into Viktor, Jayce can feel Viktor’s moans like he’s the one producing them, forms the sound of his own name on Viktor’s lips, tilts his hips up and forward to chase his own cock as it leaves and enters and leaves and enters - an instinctual motion. The only way he knows he’s still fucking into Viktor properly is by the thick squelch it produces, the sopping wet of Viktor’s insides parting easily with every push.
Skinny arms wrap around broad shoulders and dig blunt nails into muscular shoulder blades, and Jayce isn’t sure which are his. They both are. Neither are. It doesn’t matter.
There’s a brush of clammy hand against pelvis, fingertips skating lower to where their bodies meet. A circular motion with just one finger starts up, and some switches flip and manage to process the world enough to force another hand to join it - tan, thick, calloused - pushing the thinner hand out of the way to pick the motion up instead, a more efficient method. It’s easier for this hand, whoever it is, to reach the small cock peeking out from their meeting place, red and sticky and swollen, and rub against it in a way that produces a plethora of new noises.
One of those noises being, “Jayce, Jayce, Jayce, Jayce ohhh-”
Jayce hurdles from space back into his body, reminded of his name by Viktor’s chanting, just in time to watch Viktor fall apart.
“Ffffuck!” Viktor spasms and clenches and nearly falls off the couch, held in place by Jayce’s embrace. He’s still squeezing around Jayce, insides fluttering, as his eyes roll back into his head and his nails dig painfully into Jayce’s back.
Jayce keeps expecting it to end. He keeps expecting Viktor to stop chasing his thrusts any moment now, for the moans to die down, for the squeezing to cease - but it doesn’t. It goes and goes and goes and Viktor moans and tears up Jayce’s back scrabbling for purchase. Viktor’s whines keep pitching up in octave, climbing up, up, up and Jayce can’t hold back any longer.
The sight of Viktor cumming this hard, this long , sends Jayce tumbling into his own orgasm. And he suddenly understands why Viktor’s orgasm didn’t stop when he kept expecting it to - because his doesn’t either.
When he’s sober again, he’ll only be able to describe it by waxing poetic. His finish is a supernova, exploding and sending him flying in a million scattered bits of gas and stardust across Viktor’s universe. The pieces of him fly further and further out from the center, spreading him thin across Viktor’s planets and stars and asteroid fields. Smacking against some, speeding around others, the particles of stardust keep expanding. Expanding and expanding and expanding until they exhaust themselves trying to find the edges of Viktor’s endless universe, sputtering out and coming to a slow halt.
“Holy-” “Shit.” Viktor and Jayce open their eyes and meet each other’s gaze. Viktor is shaking - Jayce is swaying like he could collapse at any moment. He’s surprised he’s held himself up for this long, even through his finish overtaking him.
Looking into Viktor’s bright eyes after all of that - Jayce wants it again. Again and again and again. Jayce wants to witness every unexplored corner of Viktor’s universe. He wants to crawl into the blinding golden suns inside Viktor’s eyes and let the flames burn him alive - turn him to ash so he never has to leave. There’s so much love in those eyes - so many experiences and thoughts and passions and dreams - Jayce wants to feel it all as they consume him.
He’s coming down from his high now. Jayce doesn’t know much about how marijuana works, but if it’s anything like alcohol he’s sure he has sweat most of it out at this point. And from the small smile forming on Viktor’s face, the shifting of his irises as he refocuses, Viktor’s coming down too.
“Should I pull out?” Jayce winds his arms around Viktor and invades his space, nuzzling panting breaths into Viktor’s cheek.
“Mmm. Do you have to? You feel very nice inside me,” Viktor’s voice has a sleepy edge to it, hoarse and deep within his chest, accent thick.
Jayce has to admit, his softening cock inside Viktor’s loose heat feels amazing. But he knows himself, and knows that if he waits too long it’ll be extremely uncomfortable and oversensitive on the way out.
“How about I make it up to you?” Jayce lets his voice drop an octave, lets himself hit the raspy part of his throat previously abused by hot smoke from their pipe.
Viktor hums in acknowledgment, pulling Jayce down for a kiss. It’s not as world-shattering as before; Jayce doesn’t fall through the Earth or shoot up into the stars or drown in the ocean - but he does actually feel Viktor now. He knows it’s Viktor’s hand and his face making contact, Viktor’s teeth scraping against his bottom lip.
They’re separate again, and Jayce realizes he loves seeing and feeling and knowing Viktor from the outside just as much as he does from the inside.
As gently as possible, Jayce pulls his now soft cock from Viktor’s pliant body. Their kiss breaks as both of them glance down to take a look, and Jayce’s dick gives an aborted twitch at the sight. Viktor’s hole is red and stretched open, glistening with slick still even after all their fucking and waiting. His little cock is swollen and abused, red and thick from exerting itself under Jayce’s attention. They watch and wait and finally Viktor’s slit pulses, squeezes from the inside, and a dribble of Jayce’s cum starts to spill out.
“Jesus, Viktor,” Jayce doesn’t wait another moment before making good on his promise. He slides off the couch, clambering to the floor just to lay his torso over Viktor’s legs, careful to push Viktor’s weak leg against the couch for support and to keep it out from under Jayce’s weight. Grabbing Viktor’s stronger leg by the ankle, Jayce pushes it up over his shoulder and leans in.
This is Jayce’s favorite part.
Bringing his thumbs up to Viktor’s center, Jayce reverently parts his folds and runs his thumb along the slit, mixing his cum with Viktor’s and pushing it lightly back inside with the pad of his thumb.
“Jayce, don’t tease,” Viktor usually says the words with a warning edge to his voice, but the usual condescending rasp is completely absent from his tone. It’s replaced by something comfortable and tender, a gentle request accompanied by his hole clenching, Jayce’s cum spilling out further; A silent plea for more.
And who is Jayce to deny his universe?
The first sweep of Jayce’s tongue barely applies any pressure, tasting the tip of Viktor’s cock. Still coming down, Jayce swears this is the sweetest Viktor has ever tasted. A familiar rumble tears through Jayce - pseudo hunger fueled by his high.
Viktor and Jayce always buy an insane amount of snacks for their smoke sessions, unquenchable munchies overtaking two men who rarely give the act of eating enough time in their day otherwise. Having been distracted by their activity of choice, Jayce is suddenly ravenous. He can’t get enough of Viktor’s taste in his mouth to satiate him.
Jayce swirls his tongue around Viktor’s cock, surrounding Viktor’s thighs with his arms and gripping his hip with one hand, pulling the skin back around his cock with the other. Exposed and sensitive, Jayce flattens his tongue against the long, thick nub. He wants to fill his stomach with the mixture of his and Viktor’s spend - wants to suck him dry and lick him clean.
“Ah, Jayce, yes- like that,” Viktor groans above him, relaxed into the couch, likely chasing the last of his high by sinking into the cushions.
His tongue dips in between Viktor’s folds, lapping up his own cum from Viktor’s hole. Jayce can’t get enough of it; The tangy sweetness of Viktor fused with the salty bitterness of himself. He falls into his usual rhythm, lining up all the motions he knows Viktor likes: swipe his tongue up the underside, swirl around his cock, dip back down between him, thrust, repeat. He interrupts his own rhythm, punctuating the movements by occasionally sucking Viktor’s cock into his mouth and keeping him there, friction and pressure drawing near-shouts out of him.
“Ah- Inside. God, Jayce,” Viktor’s hips are desperately wigging beneath Jayce’s grip. He’s clearly trying to be demanding, but his tone misses the mark by a mile. Actually, Jayce notices that something about Viktor’s entire voice sounds off (or maybe Jayce is still higher than he thought) because the moans he’s releasing sound more like mewls; whiny and needy in a way Jayce has never heard come out of Viktor’s mouth.
And, again, who is Jayce to say no?
Jayce’s fingers find Viktor’s already stretched hole, relaxed still like the rest of his body, and push in with far less resistance than there would usually be post-orgasm. After he cums the first time, Viktor is usually tight and oversensitive, preferring Jayce to only pay attention to his cock. But Jayce gets one finger, and then two, and then three in with no fuss. Only Viktor’s please for “ more… more-” ring out in response.
“What do you mean by more?” Jayce breathes the question against Viktor’s cock, cold air causing him to twitch and clench in response. “I already have three fingers in and I don’t want to go too fast.”
He doesn’t pause his ministrations as he talks, moving the three fingers in and out of Viktor’s still impossibly wet sex.
“I- I don’t know,” Viktor’s voice comes from his throat, high pitched and breathless. “It’s just not enough. I am sure it is the weed but… I have never felt this way before.”
Viktor’s heavy breaths end in tiny hiccups, catching in his lungs. He grinds down against Jayce’s fingers while Jayce thinks, moaning openly as they graze the sensitive spot inside him. That gives Jayce an idea. He readjusts his seat on the floor, putting all of his weight on his knees instead, giving the hand fingering Viktor more leverage and space as he shifts the other hand to both hold down Viktor’s hips and pull at the skin just above his cock to reveal it better.
“Alright, tell me if this is too much, yeah?” Jayce’s own voice comes out breathless now too at the thought of what he’s about to do.
“O-okay,” Viktor looks down at Jayce, eyes wide with curiosity.
Jayce holds eye contact with him as he skates his pinky finger up to Viktor’s dripping entrance. He pulls his three fingers back until just the tips are inside, and on the next push in, includes the fourth.
“Aaah!” Viktor throws his head back, unable to keep his eyes on Jayce as he is stretched wide. Jayce pushes as far as he can, pulling a loud moan out of Viktor as his fingers reach deep inside him.
Jayce takes one last long look at Viktor: cheeks flushed red, dark eyebrows pinched together, eyes squeezed shut, freckles and beauty marks dusting across his face and neck, brown hair a mess all around him. He looks so blissed out and relaxed. After drinking his fill of Viktor’s expression, Jayce ducks back down and runs his tongue over Viktor’s cock, hard enough to be on the harsh side of pleasurable. And then he sets to work with his plan. With his fingers deep in Viktor, Jayce shoves them forward without pulling them back, dragging his fingers against a spot he knows is deep inside Viktor.
“J-Jayce!” Viktor shoves his hands into the cracks in the couch, scrambling for something to hold onto.
Jayce pounds into that spot that pulls the loudest moans out of Viktor, pushing forward unrelentingly and never pulling his fingers back. He curls them up, flexes them out, twists them left and right- all while attacking Viktor’s cock with his tongue.
“Ooh, ohhh, good- So good,” Viktor’s rambling is always the first tell that he’s close.
Jayce doesn’t dare respond, knowing that lifting his mouth to reply will only delay Viktor’s release. And while that’s fun sometimes, right now Jayce wants nothing more than for Viktor to lose it on his fingers. Nails scrabble into Jayce’s short, coarse hair, scraping for purchase. The second tell.
“Ah- Mm! Jayce-” Viktor draws Jayce’s name out in a long moan, accent tripping over the syllables. He can feel Viktor’s abdominal muscles tensing, trying to cant his hips up and chase more friction from Jayce’s mouth and get harder pushes from Jayce’s fingers. That’s the third tell.
All that’s left is-
“oH MY GOD!” Viktor’s scream startles Jayce, but not as much as what happens as Viktor cums.
Hot liquid bursts out of Viktor’s hole, coating Jayce’s face. Jayce instinctually tries to pull his head back to avoid the spray, but Viktor’s thighs tighten around his skull and keep him there, back bowing an unnatural amount and shoving himself down on Jayce’s fingers and into Jayce’s tongue as he shakes through his orgasm, leaving Jayce soaked from hairline to chin.
No way. No fucking way. Did Viktor just…?
The stream dies down as Viktor continues to quiver, and Jayce can’t think through his shock. Stunned into silence, he just sits there with his head stuck between Viktor’s legs and fingers still inside him. The fluid soaking his face drips down onto the couch, slowly drying in the divots of his nose and cheeks, crusting against his hairline.
Viktor’s thighs unclenching and leg slipping off of Jayce’s shoulder finally shake Jayce out of his stupor.
“Viktor? Are you… alright?” Jayce slowly pulls his fingers out of Viktor, leaning up and over the couch to look directly at Viktor’s face.
Viktor is completely red from widow’s peak to chest and has an arm thrown over his eyes, face turned away in what Jayce registers as embarrassment.
“I can’t believe I just… that I…” Viktor groans, hiding his face further into his own elbow.
“Viktor?” Jayce grabs the arm covering Viktor’s eyes but he refuses to move it.
“Viktor.” He tries again, pulling a little bit this time and finally gets Viktor to relent, revealing his blushing cheeks from their hiding spot.
“What?” Viktor’s question comes out soft and hesitant.
“That… was so fucking hot,” Jayce climbs on top of Viktor, caging him in between himself and the couch.
“Of course you would think that,” Viktor chuckles and rolls his eyes, tension falling from his shoulders as fast as it arrived.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jayce furrows his eyebrows.
“Oh, nothing,” Viktor laughs openly this time, finally looking directly at Jayce. When he does, his eyes go wide.
“You are a mess!”
The exclamation is met with a laugh from Jayce.
“Well, yeah! You’re the one who trapped my head while you squirted on me!” Jayce places a quick kiss on Viktor’s lips, which grants him a slightly disgusted groan. He thinks that’s the end of that until he tries to pull back, only for Viktor to surge forward and capture his lips again, more frantic than any of their other kisses that night.
“Let me make it up to you?” Viktor asks, using Jayce’s line against him.
“I don’t think I can go again,” Jayce responds honestly. He’s sober now, and all he wants is to put a frozen pizza in the oven and curl behind Viktor again to fall asleep on the couch watching TV. If he could be hard again, he would be from watching Viktor squirt, but his dick was determined to be tapped out after just one. (The opposite of Jayce’s usual predicament. He’s not mad about the change of pace.)
“No worries. Another way, then?” Viktor gets his point across by kissing along the bottom of Jayce’s jaw, mixing his spit with the sticky slick trying to dry there.
“God, you’re so hot,” Jayce hums into the open air between them.
“I know,” is all Viktor says in reply before he opens his mouth, sticks his tongue out, and licks a hot, wet strip from Jayce’s chin to his forehead and cleans the cum off of his face.
“Fuck-” Jayce tilts his face forward, willing Viktor to keep going. Jayce always cleans his cum off of Viktor - whether it’s from his hole or his face or his ass. But Viktor licking his cum off of Jayce? Jayce understands now why Viktor makes him do it so much.
When he’s giving the action, it’s hot in an embarrassing way - a little bit gross even. It makes Jayce sweat and squirm just the way he likes to. But receiving the action makes him feel powerful, as if Viktor is apologizing by removing the evidence of his orgasm.
“Does it taste good?” Jayce asks before he can help himself.
“Why don’t you find out for yourself?” Viktor grabs the hand Jayce had inside him just moments before and drags it up to Jayce’s face, a silent suggestion to lick his own crusted and sticky fingers clean.
Jayce obediently opens his mouth for his own fingers, moaning softly at the taste as he wiggles the fingers against his tongue. It’s different from Viktor’s usual cum - lighter, less heady. It’s sweet, even. Jayce only wishes he got more in his mouth when it happened. He would have tried to catch it, sealed his lips over the spray, if he weren’t so surprised.
“Good?” Viktor asks him, gently rubbing the hand Jayce has tucked against his lips.
“Mhm,” Jayce removes the fingers from his mouth with a pop. “Want to make you do that again some time. So I can actually taste it.” The admittance comes easy, as it always does when it pertains to things that make Viktor feel good.
“I didn’t think I was capable of squirting. I don’t know if it was the drugs or the way you were fingering me. It was fantastic- I guess we’ll have to isolate some variables and find out,” Viktor raises a slim eyebrow, smirk dancing across his lips. The Viktor that Jayce knows and loves is back, no shame or embarrassment to be found.
“I guess we will…” Jayce giggles and leans in to leave little kisses across Viktor’s cheek, eyelids, nose- anywhere he can reach.
It’s that moment that Jayce decides, for certain, that he wants to do this again. He wants to do this again because he knows - realistically - that he can never really be entirely part of Viktor, but that it’s alright to pretend, if just for a little while, that he is.