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It’s late on a Saturday night and Lexi is lying across the bed, on her stomach, legs kicking up in the air as she bops her head along to a ‘good vibes’ playlist on Spotify. Her book has completely captivated her, and she’s barely moved in the hours she’s been waiting for her boyfriend to come home.
It’s not her home, technically… but it is. Fezco had made that very clear from the beginning. What was his was hers, and it hadn’t taken her long at all to think of his room as theirs even though she officially lives with her mother while she’s still in high school.
Suze had made her living situation a hard and fast rule when Fezco’s existence as her boyfriend had been revealed, and frankly, she’s glad for it. It shows her mother cares.
Lexi turns the page of her book, a book she’s reading entirely for pleasure for the first time in months, and takes a glance at the time.
Nearly 1 AM.
She had declined going to a house party because she has her final AP Physics 2 test of her senior year on Monday (Monday, of all days) and knew she would need her rest, and yet, here she is. Wide awake.
She reasons that any remaining tests her senior year are going to be a piece of cake, as most of the teachers were burnt out and could not give a single fuck about making the seniors do more work. Her grade point average is already perfect, she’s set to be valedictorian. Even if she tanks this Physics test, her GPA will be safe.
Physics isn’t exactly her forte, and she almost wishes she hadn’t agreed to do Physics 2 for her final year of high school but she had known it would look good on her college applications.
Besides, Fezco had helped her study (she'd found he's actually quite good at the calculus-based problems) and she felt confident that she knew all the material.
And she had all of Sunday to get proper rest in, and Sunday was literally tokened as Fezco’s day of rest.
Waiting up for someone isn’t the same as actively partying, anyway. So, gives herself permission to be up so late.
She’s startled when she feels a hand close around her foot and she yanks out her Airpod, jerking around to see her boyfriend standing at the foot of the bed.
“Fez! You surprised me.”
“Didn’t mean to.” He drawls with a lazy smile. “You been waiting up for me?”
“Yeah, sorry I didn’t hear you come in.” She rolls over and opens her arms.
“Good thing Faye is out on the couch keepin’ watch for intruders.”
He quickly toes off his sneakers and crawls over her body, giving her a soft kiss, then gently rests his weight on her and lays his head on her chest.
“How was your night, darlin’?” His voice rumbles through her.
“Pretty uneventful. So, it was quite nice, actually. Faye and I watched a movie together. How was work?” She asks concern lacing her tone.
He merely sighs in reply. “Don’ wanna talk about it.”
“I’m sorry.” She whispers, rubbing her hand up the back of his buzzed scalp, softly cradling his skull.
She knows just how badly he wants to leave the business of dealing, and that he’s working his ass off toward doing just that. Despite him refusing to share any real details, she knows he’s getting closer to that goal.
But the closer his dreams are to becoming reality, the harder the toll it takes on his soul, she can tell.
She traces his scar, then massages her fingers through his beard at his jaw, then gently rubs his temples, and works her way up to softly trace his eyebrows, hoping to bring him some comfort with her touch.
“You gon’ put me to sleep, you keep doin’ that.” His voice is deep and unlabored.
“That’s alright. You can go to sleep if you’d like to.” She offers, and she means it.
“Don’ wanna crush you, shorty.” He takes a deep breath then rolls off her. “Besides I gotta go take a shower.”
“Did you eat already? I know it’s late, but I could go put something together. Is Ash hungry?”
“We grabbed a bite on our way back. You go back to your book, baby. I’m only gon’ be a second.” He bends forward and kisses her forehead, and she leans into it.
When he heads off to the bathroom she rolls back over onto her stomach and picks up where she left off, leaving her headphones out this time.
The door to Fez’s bedroom is open and she hears Ashtray walking by.
“Are you heading to bed, Ash?”
“Mhmm. Imma check the cameras then hit it. Night Lex.” He mumbles, the weary tone in his voice not escaping her notice.
For all his severity and bravado, she knows Ash is dying to get out of the business just as badly as Fezco is. The thought breaks her heart a little bit.
“Night, Ash.” She calls back.
Lexi suddenly can’t focus on her book, so she unlocks her phone and pulls up a saved home on Zillow.
The place is extremely run down, and the interior pictures of what’s left of the house look bleak. But it’s got a good bit of land and an old historic (slightly dilapidated) barn. It’s got a little pond. It’s nearby a big lake.
Lake Eerie.
She eyes up the copy of her acceptance letter to Brown University that’s framed on Fezco’s nightstand. It had been such a silly thing to do, but she couldn’t deny the sense of pride she’d felt as Fezco had displayed her accomplishment beside his resting place. The fact that he had thought to print out her mother a copy, too (it’s stuck to the fridge with Suze’s favorite magnetic chip clip) had made her just a bit misty-eyed.
Lexi leans over and reaches into the drawer of her own bedside table and pulls out an acceptance letter to the University of Michigan.
She had only applied as a backup, just in case she hadn’t been accepted at Brown… She had actually applied to eight other colleges as backup, and they’d all accepted.
The University of Michigan is not her dream college...
But their literary program is nearly as good. And it’s cheaper. And only about an hour from that cute little shack on the prairie. Probably an hour and a half with bad traffic, she reasons, though she doesn’t know much about the traffic around Ann Arbor, Michigan.
It’s nearing mid-April. She knows she needs to make a decision about which college, and she can’t make a decision without talking to Fezco about it.
She’s honestly afraid of how much she wants this.
Lexi puts the letter and her phone away and goes back to her book.
Fezco comes back in a few minutes later, wearing a wife-beater tank top and plaid pajama pants she got him for Christmas, and flops down beside her, nuzzling up into her side and rubbing his hand across her upper back.
“Missed’chu.” He murmurs.
“Mmm. Missed you, too.” She hums.
“Kinda glad you weren’t there, though.” He sighs.
She gives an understanding nod but doesn’t say anything. She’s learned that letting him ground himself in the world of themselves again, is the best cure for him.
It’s not long before he sits up on his side and begins to rub his hand across her back and she hums her approval.
His hand dips lower on her spine then slowly palms over her ass.
She pretends to be engrossed in her book again, hoping he doesn’t catch the hitch in her breath, letting the feeling of his warm hands sink through her light silky pajama shorts.
He gently presses into the muscle and the fat, rubbing small circles, which actually feels really good. Then he presses upwards on one cheek and lets it fall. Presses upwards on the other and lets it fall.
He does this a few more times on each side, getting progressively firmer each time.
“Fezco, what are you doing?” She can’t help but giggle.
“A science experiment. I been goin’ through all that physics material with you so…”
“Oh?” She raises an eyebrow at him. “A science experiment?”
“Yeah. Like, what goes up, must come down, but damn I wanna see how many times it’s gon’ bounce when it do.”
This sets her giggling, and when she least expects it, he gives her rear end a smack.
It’s not hard, but it’s enough to sting.
She can only gasp and look at him in disbelief.
He’s watching her reaction carefully, just a hint of mischief in his eyes, but mostly judging to see if she’s okay with what he’s just done. She can almost physically see an apology prepped and ready to go if necessary.
She knows that he likes her ass (a lot, just as he likes all of her a lot) but they’d never really done the spanking thing aside from light, playful taps when passing one another in the kitchen.
She’s surprised at the way her body is screaming at her. Every nerve ending is on fire, and there is a deep stir of arousal low in her belly, and he’s sitting there, his freckled shoulders all exposed, gold chain reflecting the lamplight, lightning blue eyes trained on her.
It’s overwhelming.
“Ow.” Is all she can say, her mouth still hanging open a bit from the shock.
“Couldn’t decide whether to say ‘ow’ or ask for more, huh?” He starts to laugh, the tip of his tongue going to the gap in his teeth in that adorable way that still makes her heart flip.
“Fezco O’Neill!” She cries in indignation, rolling up onto her side and then lunging at him, but she’s dissolving into her own fits of laughter.
She’s still keyed up as he grabs ahold of her arms and falls back onto his pillows, pulling her into his chest.
“You laughin’ cuz it’s true?”
“Yes.” She admits, still giggling uncontrollably into his chest, thrilled by how well he knows her.
“Sorry, I shoulda given you some more warning. But those shorts are killin’ me. I ain’t gon’ lie. I had to let you know somehow.” He gives her a deep kiss and she hums into it. “It’s late, though. We don’t gotta do nothin’.”
It’s that genuine reassurance that though he desires her, sex is not a requirement that makes her want him even more. It’s such a simple and basic thing for a relationship, and yet she feels her heart expand. She knows from overhearing Cassie and Maddy’s conversations that she’s been so lucky to find this right out of the gate.
“I love you.” She tells him hoping her voice portrays the depth of her feelings.
“I love you too, darlin’.” He says, the sincerity mirrored, and he slides his lips onto hers and winds his fingers into her hair.
She’s known for a while now, but the words reiterate to her that this thing she has with Fezco is forever. It’s the once-in-a-lifetime thing people always talk about. It’s so simple, so easy, and yet so intense it’s almost terrifying.
He’s handed her his heart, completely. It’s so soft and precious, and she doesn’t exactly know what she’s done to deserve it, but all she can do is hand her own heart back, knowing he will guard it with his life.
Their relationship is something she knows that they would happily maintain with long-distance if she went to Brown.
She knows deep down in her bones that they could maintain it.
But how much simpler would it be to only be an hour and a half away?
The idea of being able to go over on the weekends and actively be able to work towards a dream together…
To know that he and Ash (and Faye if she wanted to come) were safe and only a phone call and a good podcast episode while she drives away…
Hell, at only an hour she thinks she could be talked into the commute every day.
“Fez,” she breathes, breaking their kiss.
“Hmm?” His lips find the underside of her jaw and she gasps.
“How close are you to being done?”
“I mean, we just gettin’ started. I ain’t about to bust in my drawers or nothin’-“
“No, that’s not what I meant,” She breaks into giggles again, and he pulls away slightly, “Sorry. I’m changing subjects because I’m thinking about something.”
“You know I love it when you thinkin’, Lexi.” He grins, letting his fingers work their way to her scalp. “You and that big brain.”
“How close are you to being done dealing?” She asks, and he stills.
“I… I don’t like talking about that shit with you-“
“I know, but I had an idea and I just… You’ve hinted that you’re close? And I just wondered how close.”
He gives a deep sigh, keeping her body close to his. “Pretty damn close, baby.”
“Why do you sound so worried when you say that?”
“Because… I prolly gon’ be pissin’ some people off when I do… I might have to leave for a while. Like, get out of town. Maybe forever. So, if I’m bein’ honest I was puttin’ it off until you left for college.”
“You were?” She can’t help the smile that spreads across her face.
“Yeah, I mean like I hate doin’ this fuckin’ shit, but the idea of not being able to physically be with you for your last summer before you go to college? Fuck no.” He gives her a gentle squeeze. “I’m puttin’ off that long-distance shit as long as possible.”
“So… you’re going to be like… moving?”
“Yeah. Why? You know someplace where me and Ash can hang low for a bit?”
She rolls away from him and grabs her phone and eagerly pulls up the Zillow listing and thrusts the screen into his face.
“What’s this?” He asks after staring at it for a while, flipping through the pictures.
“Um. Well. I uh. I got accepted at the University of Michigan and well I was just theoretically looking around that area for someplace that I could see us living and…” She feels her confidence wavering slightly because this is intense and she’s still in high school. “I mean, it’s located in a farming community, and I don’t know how serious you were about being a farmer, but it’s close enough to the University. Not far at all, really. And Detroit’s just a stone’s throw away if you wanted more of a big city scene for a night. And even though the house on the property is a mess, it’s big and we could really work on it and turn it into something nice. And there’s plenty of land. Well, I just thought it ticked a lot of the boxes of things that we said we both wanted.”
His expression is a bit unreadable, and she feels fear creeping up, trying to wrap its tendrils tightly around her heart.
“It’s just a thought!” Lexi chirps. “I mean, I don’t even know if it’s something we could afford-“
He whispers something so quietly that she can’t hear him.
“Huh?”
“We. You’ve said ‘we’ like 15 times.”
“Well." She blinks at him. "Yeah.”
“You serious about this.” It almost sounds like he’s phrased it as a question, but she recognizes that it’s merely awe in his voice at the realization.
“Very.” She confirms.
“You sure you wanna give up your dream school? I mean, shit, Michigan’s gotta be hella cold.”
“I’d be freezing my ass off at Brown, too, except there’d be no cozy farm to come home to.” She reasons.
“Yeah, but are you sure? Because I can make some calls tomorrow. I know it’s Sunday, but I can get started lookin’ around because… well, I think that place is doable.”
“Really?” Lexi asks, the hope blooming in her chest nearly overwhelming her.
“Yeah. I’ll talk with Ash and run some numbers… but I think we can afford it pretty easily. Real estate and shit ain’t quite so expensive out there, and if we sell this place we should be set. So… are you sure?”
“Yes.” She says, the force her words left completely unquestionable. “I’m sure. I want my future to be you.”
He takes a big breath and swallows thickly.
“I’on know what I did to get so lucky, but fuck, if I ain’t gonna spend my every waking moment giving the girl of my dreams the future that she wants.”
His face breaks out into a wide grin as he says it, his eyes crinkling fiercely around the edges, and Lexi thinks her heart may burst from happiness.
She pulls him back in for a kiss that’s full of giddiness and she feels the sheer force of his joy behind it. It’s like kissing sunshine.
“Just so you know, I ain’t know shit about fixin’ houses,” Fezco admits.
“That’s okay.” She punctuates her words with kisses. “Neither do I. We’ll learn together. I’ve already got some ideas.”
“I betchu do.” He chuckles, the noise rumbling through her. “The place is great and all, but it’s definitely missing something.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. It’s missing all those kids you be wantin’.”
“Not quite ready for those yet.” She laughs at him and even in her own ears, she hears how elated her own voice sounds.
“Right, right.” He says it like he’s reminding himself, and then he’s leaning into her, and his lips are on her throat again, picking up where he left off before she’d shown him the listing.
“Besides, the walls on that house are barely even standing.” Her breath hitches. “Can’t have kids if there’s no place to put them.”
“Mmm. You need to graduate with all them honors, too.” He acknowledges and he drags his tongue along her collarbone. “Gon’ be the smartest person to ever go through that school.”
“I think that’s highly unlikely.” Her voice is shaky.
“I wonder how long you have to live in Michigan to get in-state tuition?” He postures as he begins slowly undoing the buttons on her silky pajama top.
The idea in question would require some thorough research and there was a chance that it would literally be impossible, but the words still excite her, and she interrupts his unbuttoning to roll them over so she’s straddling his lap and kisses him for all she’s worth.
“God, I love the way you think.” She huffs against his mouth, grinding down onto him. “You’re so fuckin’ smart.”
“Quit gassin’ me up me and let me see them titties.”
And then she’s giggling, and the future seems so warm, and bright, and possible. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.
Realistically, she knows they will experience challenges. Hardships. Struggles. But it’s nothing they can’t weather together.
What goes up is going to keep going up, and up, and up if Lexi has anything to say about it. Fuck Physics.
“Oh, fuck, Fezco.” She sighs into him as his lips find her chest.