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“Dad.”
Anakin looked up from his datapad. There had been reports of increased Imperial activity near the Outer Rim – an odd place for the Empire to be, but he knew that Palpatine was stretching out his cold fingers, rifling through the galaxy, trying to find and snatch up his long-lost enemy.
Leia, Luke, and Han stood before him. Leia had her arms crossed. Anakin sighed internally. This did not bode well. Leia (and Luke as well) seemed to have inherited Padme’s reckless and stubborn streak, but times ten. Why, Anakin didn’t know. Perhaps the Lars and Organas hadn’t been great influences.
Pushing away his thoughts (mostly because he could almost feel Obi-Wan’s smug amusement), Anakin set his datapad down and raised an eyebrow.
Unfortunately, his children were totally unafraid of him. Leia simply raised an eyebrow back and Luke grinned, a mischievous note to it that, while endearing, fostered more suspicion in Anakin’s mind. Hmmm. Maybe they needed to learn some parental respect. Anakin then thought with a mental snort that although he was capable of many things, intimidating his twins was not one of them.
Even Han had lost the respectable amount of fear he had previously had. Once the base had learned the cranky mechanic was actually Anakin Skywalker and that reports of his death had been greatly exaggerated (leading to a solid month of wild rumors about he had survived, the craziest involving a romantic liaison with Hondo), everyone had taken it upon themselves to see the Hero with No Fear up close and personal, fascinated by the mysterious and compelling figure. Anakin had had to fend off a Rodian when he was in the shower.
Han hadn’t been one of the (too) eager rebels, but after Anakin had caught him souping up the Falcon one afternoon and joined him, he and Anakin had bonded. Anakin had never seen Han so delighted as Anakin had asked questions about Han’s ship and complimented the way it handled. Leia had been unenthusiastic about her…companion’s and her dad’s newfound friendship (on the surface, anyway – Anakin had felt her happy satisfaction with Anakin’s approval of Han, something he was sure Leia wouldn’t admit to herself). She had been especially unimpressed after Anakin had chosen to take Han’s side in a, erm, debate Leia and Han had about the Falcon. A choice that had splintered any remaining apprehension Han had about Anakin into fine pieces.
A choice that was also a serious miscalculation on Anakin’s part, because now Han was completely unhesitant to join in on the twins’ teasing of Anakin. Evident now by the glee Anakin could feel in the Force, even with Han’s sabbac face.
“Dad.” Luke’s tone matched Leia’s – in a bad way. The impish determination would have made a Jawa shudder.
Wearily, Anakin decided to embrace the inevitable.
“Hm?”
Leia walked up to him and laid out – a shaving kit.
Anakin immediately pulled back.
“Oh, hell no—”
“Dad – you look like an unkempt bantha going through an emo phase. And that’s just your hair.”
“Besides, Ahsoka agrees with us!” Luke chimed in.
Anakin stopped a glower before it started. He knew exactly why Ahsoka had supported his children’s mission, probably telling them to go for it! with a devious smile on her face. If he had known 23 years ago just how many decades of bullying he’d have to suffer when accepting her as his Padawan, he might not have been so readily willing to do so (not that he had been, but Anakin decided that such finer-grained details distracted from the larger, more important picture).
He was about to lay down the law, parental disrespect or not, but then he caught Luke and Leia’s eyes. Leia’s had a (fake) pleading expression, and Luke’s had an earnest note of eagerness.
Anakin exhaled. “I’ll shave tomorrow.”
“And cut your hair.”
Anakin gave up completely, resigned. “And cut my hair.”
Luke and Leia grinned.
Leia was walking with Luke and Han to deliver some reports to Mon Mothma the next morning, when she noticed someone in that distance that she hadn’t seen before on base. Must be a new recruit.
“Who is that?” Luke’s forehead furrowed. “And why are they in Dad’s spot?”
Han scoffed. “Your old man is not going to be happy. The last time someone took that, they were afraid to go to the workshop for days.”
A group of young women approached the man, giggling. Well, Leia supposed he did somewhat look like those models you’d see on the cover of trashy romance novels (although the idea gave her an ick she couldn’t explain). Dad was really not going to be happy. He hated it when younger people flirted around him, and given that this man was in his spot—
A horrible thought occurred to Leia.
She turned to Luke and Han. They were both still debating what the older man was going to do when he found some younger upstart in his spot. Sensing her gaze, they glanced at her, and then a sudden silence plummeted over the group as they had the same – horrendous – thought.
They all turned to look at the man.
“Surely…he’s not…” Luke’s voice was weak.
The man, irritated and answering the queries of the women in a curt way that was horrifically familiar, looked up at that moment. His eyes – his blue eyes – lit up.
“Kids!”
Oh, fuust.
The young women all swiveled towards Luke and Leia. Leia (hopefully) half-expected them to be scared off, now that they knew that the object of their attention had kids, but instead, they all just started waving coquettishly.
“Oh, you have kids?”
“That’s soooo sweet!”
Leia could feel Luke’s disgust, mirroring her own, a sludge of nauseated repulsion in the Force – one she hoped (rather aggressively) that her dad could sense. Han, that nerfherder, looked entertained.
Dad jogged up to them, leaving the women behind (Leia was sure purposefully). “There you are.” He stood, waiting expectantly for them to greet him.
“…you aren’t 60?” Luke blurted out, and then instantly looked like he wanted to slam his hand over his mouth.
Dad looked taken aback. “…No? Why would you think—"
“How old are you?” Leia couldn’t help herself. He looked so…young. Too young.
Before he could answer, another horrible thought shot through Leia’s mind. One that seemed to shoot through Luke’s mind too, since he asked, “Wait, were you like… a teen parent? When you had us?”
Dad’s face twisted in offended confusion. “A teen parent?”
His tone made Luke throw his hands in front of him nervously. “I mean, well…you know what I mean!”
Dad narrowed his eyes sternly. “I’m not sure I do.” Leia could almost hear Luke’s gulp.
“You look a solid two decades younger. That’s what they mean.” Han’s voice cut in lazily, amused.
A mixture of emotions flashed across Dad’s face, including confusion, tired acceptance, and more than a little irritation. Leia tried not to start. It was…so odd to be able to see his expressions.
“I’m 42.”
Leia could only say, “Oh.”
“Anyway, if we’re done with the unnecessary comments on my appearance, I have some information to relay to Mon—”
Dad’s voice faded away as Leia noticed all the young women, still there, watching him and whispering in each other’s ears.
This…had been a mistake.
Han was having the time of his life.
Luke and Leia were pacing back in forth in front of him as he sat in the Falcon’s pilot seat, arguing loudly about whose decision it had been to make their father shave.
After the incident with the young women, they had almost ran to Mon to deliver the reports, then dragged Han to the Falcon to, as Leia put it, “deconstruct.” Gods, this family needed so much therapy.
“You know, Roulta approached me and asked me if Dad was still married.”
“He what?!”
“And I could see people trying to listen in!! To hear what the answer was!”
Han idly thought back to his childhood. He had been young during the Clone Wars, but even he could remember teens squealing over Anakin Skywalker. He was fairly certain he had seen more than one poster in various bedrooms, many of which were of a sort that Han was sure were not officially sanctioned by the Jedi.
He grinned at the thought. And at the idea that popped into his head. Oh, Han was going to hell for this.
He spoke aloud, as if in distant thought, reaching out and absentmindedly dusting off one of the Falcon’s controls. “You know, actually, many young widowers choose to get remarried when they reach forty.”
Without looking up, Han could hear Luke and Leia turn on their heel towards him. He could picture the matching expressions of terrified revulsion on their face. He forced himself not to smirk.
“Dad…Dad wouldn’t do that.” For once, the Princess’ voice sounded uncertain. Wow, her highness must be really shaken by her dad’s new status as base heartthrob. Normally, she wouldn’t have been fooled.
“It’s true, Leia.” Luke’s voice had a note of ghastly fear in it. “I saw it happen on Tatooine all the time.” He suddenly spun to Leia, even more panicked. “Leia…oh force, Leia, it runs in our family. Cliegg married our grandmother after he turned forty.”
“We…we can’t let this happen.” Leia’s voice grew firm. “We can stop it.”
Han felt the need to interfere. “Hey, are you really gonna prevent your dad from being happy? What if he finds someone he loves?”
He chanced a look at the twins. They both stood in silence and looked miserably dismayed, confronted with the specter of a new stepmom, one that they knew they had no right to stop. One who might be one of those giggling, hair-twirling, women from earlier, who said things in a high-pitched voice like Ani, could you fix my droid?
Han lost all restraint and started guffawing.
Leia, jolted back to her senses with Han’s snickering, raised her fist slowly. Han knew he should fear for his life, but he couldn’t stop wheezing (he was pretty sure he had tears in his eyes).
“You—you—”
“Hope you’re both—both ready for a new mom!” Han could barely get the words out between his gasps of laughter.
“That’s really not funny, Han.” The kid sounded sulky.
Han couldn’t even speak at this point, silent as he rocked back and forth squeaking, holding his sides.
The twins looked completely done.
Leia, apparently deciding to ignore Han, rubbed her chin. “At any rate, the excitement has to die down at some point,” she reasoned. “There’s no way Dad puts up with it, and people can’t stay interested for that long.”
Han, once again remembering the Clone Wars (which had lasted years), smirked. He could hardly wait for these next few weeks.