Work Text:
Izuku stared. He stared and stared and stared . The letter that was on his desk had to be for someone else. It was a letter, not a note. A note isn’t two pages front and back written in English and loopy font. It was so sweet and kind and made Izuku feel warm inside. It said things that Izuku never even dared dream might be said to him. Well, maybe in his dreams. Those dreams were the ones that made him cry though. He was used to the nightmares but the happy dreams of someone loving him, cherishing him, listening to him? Those ones made a part of him ache in a way he didn’t want to think about. It had to be for someone else because if it was for Izuku it was probably a joke and that might hurt a bit.
Those were the types of jokes that Izuku didn’t find funny. Sure, he could brush them off, he could laugh along but those jokes hurt. When Kaminari flirted with him it stung because Izuku knew the other boy didn’t mean it. It used to happen a lot in the first two years of middle school. People would flirt with him only to run away laughing moments later. Izuku could laugh but the jokes hurt and he wanted them to stop. This letter had to be for someone else because he didn’t want the joke to continue. Gently Izuku ran his fingers over the edge of the paper. It was such a sweet letter. It said so many nice things and whoever this was meant for was going to love it. Pushing away the sting of tears Izuku walked up to Aizawa-sensei’s desk with the letter held gently in his hands.
Aizawa didn’t make a noise at Izuku’s approach but he did raise an eyebrow questioningly. That look would have made Izuku shaking in his boots during first year. First year when the pain of teachers turning a blind eye was fresh in his mind. Now Izuku knew it was Aizawa-sensei asking if he needed to be worried. It was a teacher caring. Izuku softly, oh so softly , laid the sweet letter down on his desk and pushed aside the ball of tears and pain in his throat. “If anyone comes asking, I’m sure they will be looking for this. It’s very sweet really and whoever it’s meant for will be lucky. I don’t want them to lose it.” Aizawa’s other eyebrow joined the first one and Izuku forced his normal smile onto his face. He hid the sad, bitter, pain smile away behind sunshine and rainbows. Instead of gold at the end of the rainbow was just lies though. Lies and deceit and pain. No one should have to find the end of his rainbows and no one would so long as he kept them going.
Slipping back to his seat Izuku waited for class to begin. Today he had been the first in the room, twenty minutes before Iida usually showed up. He pulled out his latest hero notebook but couldn’t write anything. The lopping English just kept playing through his mind. ‘You’re eyes light up and show me the brightness of the fullest moon even on the blackest night.’ It was so poetic and beautiful. Izuku had almost cried when reading it. Whoever had written the letter had a gift and Izuku hoped they knew that. ‘When you speak I want you to never stop. Trails of knowledge and power slip through the air and wrap around me in such a gentle way.’ A tear smeared the writing in Izuku’s notebook. The joke wasn’t funny anymore.
Classes passed in a blur and training in the blink of an eye. Izuku couldn’t really remember anything from the day except that letter. The letter that was seared into his brain with pinpoint accuracy. The letter that was either for someone else or a joke because it couldn’t be for him. Tonight was the night Shouto was reading with Sero so Izuku couldn’t even ask the resident conspiracy theorist who he thought the letter was for. Actually, now that he thought about it, most of his friends were busy. A soft thump sounded on the wall of Izuku’s room and he had to hold himself back from racing over to see Hitoshi. He really didn’t want to be alone right now but he also didn’t want to be a bother.
When Hitoshi had transferred into Izuku’s class he had been practically adopted by Kaminari. Izuku still wasn’t convinced the two weren’t dating or at least in love with each other. He was just waiting for Hitoshi to feel comfortable enough to tell him. The looks they shared and the way the two relaxed around each other was just sweet . Izuku and Hitoshi hadn’t actually become friends until a few months after the transfer when Izuku had a small mental breakdown when a story about quirkless suicide rates rising again appeared on the news. That was the day his class had learned he was a ‘late bloomer’. That was the day that Izuku cracked. Ever since he had been trying so hard to hold the crumbling pieces together so that no one saw exactly how broken he was underneath the rainbows and sunshine. Ever since then though Izuku and Hitoshi had been very close. The two understood each other in a way that no one else in the class could.
Sending off a short text Izuku tried to wait patiently. He didn’t want to bother Hitoshi if he had plans but he really didn’t want to be alone right now. ‘You hold everyone together even when you are breaking. I hope one day you’ll trust me enough to let me hold you together.’ Izuku really didn’t want to keep remembering the letter because it was left on his desk before class. It was left there and it was a joke. Izuku knew it wasn’t for anyone else. It was for him to read but none of it was true. It couldn’t be and Izuku really didn’t want to be alone.
Izuku: What are you up to?
Hitoshi: Come on over
A breath escaped Izuku as he read the message. Sometimes Hitoshi just knew what Izuku needed to hear. Izuku was really glad this was one of those times. Wrapping his fluffy grey blanket around himself Izuku padded over to Hitoshi’s room and slipped inside. It had long ago been established that when one of them said come over knocking wasn’t needed. Hitoshi took in Izuku’s shaking hands clutching his blanket tightly and whatever expression had made it’s home on Izuku’s face. Instead of saying anything he just opened his arms and Izuku quickly fell into the hug. Resting his face into Hitoshi’s neck and stretching his legs out to tangle with Hitoshi’s on the bed, Izuku let himself feel hurt. He let the pain of the joke wash over him.
Izuku didn’t cry. Most people would find that shocking but it was true. Whenever Izuku was in pain, whenever he was screaming inside his head he didn’t cry. One or two tears might slip out but it wasn’t really crying. Hitoshi hummed low in his chest letting the feeling rush over Izuku like the purrs of a cat. After ten minutes Izuku finally shifted to rest his head on Hitoshi’s chest instead of buried in the crease of his shoulder. Both Izuku and Hitoshi were very touch starved. It was not uncommon for the two to cuddle when in the safely of one of their rooms. Hitoshi’s fingers carded through Izuku’s curls with practiced ease. “Want to talk about it?”
Izuku rubbed his cheek over Hitoshi’s soft shirt and breathed in his scent. Rain and jasmine and something rough, something just Hitoshi. “It isn’t funny. The joke wasn’t funny then and it isn’t funny now. I just want the joke to stop. It hurts so much Hito. The joke hurts because I know it isn’t real.” ‘The sight of your hair bouncing in the wind reminds me of clouds. Fluffy and soft looking but hiding storms and ice. Your hair is like clouds because while I want to sink my hands into it and hold you close I know that in your head lies secrets that would bring me to my knees. Secrets that could bring me strength and make me weep.’ Hitoshi hummed again with a lit of a question at the end.
“What isn’t funny Ku?” Izuku felt a tear track out of his eye and drip off of his skin onto Hitoshi’s shirt.
“There was a letter on my desk. I know it was a joke. It had to be but it was so sweet. I wanted it to be real but I know it was a joke. It’s always a joke. Whoever wrote the letter doesn’t actually think those things. Or, they might but not for me. Not about me.” Hitoshi scratched his nails lightly over Izuku’s scalp and Izuku pressed his face harder into his chest. Why did it still hurt this much?
“Why can’t it be real Ku?” A wet laugh escaped Izuku. Hitoshi was too sweet. He still didn’t seem to realize that Izuku was too broken to be seen that way. He didn’t get that Izuku was too much for anyone to ever love that way.
“I’m too broken, Hito. Anyone who saw the things the letter said wouldn’t want me. It’s just a joke but it isn’t funny.” ‘The mask you wear has splinters. It cracks and bleeds but that’s okay. I can see that in that blood, in those cracks an even more beautiful soul rests just waiting to be set free.’ Hitoshi’s arm tightened around Izuku’s shoulder slightly in silent comfort.
“Oh, Ku.” Hitoshi’s voice was soft and warm. Izuku knew that a tiny bit of Hitoshi’s quirk was leaking out to comfort him. It felt amazing. “You aren’t too broken. You are amazing and even if you have a few cracks and bruises that’s okay. I’m sure that whoever wrote you the letter meant every word.” Izuku dug his hands into Hitoshi’s shirt and held it close.
“I wish that was true.”
—
Denki: So?
Hitoshi: He doesn’t believe anyone could ever believe those things about him.
Denki: But he’s Midoriya! He’s so sweet and smart and amazing…
Hitoshi: I know Ki. I get that but he doesn’t
Denki: Do I back off or try harder?
Hitoshi: Try coming around when it’s just him and I. Maybe that’ll help?
Denki: Ok love you <3
Hitoshi: Love you too <3
—
Izuku woke up feeling better. The picture he found on his desk helped too. He always loved it when Hitoshi shared his art and this one was one of his favorites. The soft black and white pencil petals of a Lily of the Valley brought a soft smile to the edges of Izuku’s lips. Happiness and pain rolled into one . Aizawa kept shooting Izuku questioning glaces the whole day but it didn’t bother him much. Izuku just wanted to forget about the letter and he intended to do just that. Hitoshi didn’t let Izuku be by himself after classes though. Izuku knew he was probably a bit worried after yesterday. It was sweet and soft the way that Hitoshi cared so much about Izuku. The way he protected Izuku from himself.
Kaminari had slipped into Hitoshi’s room an hour after classes got out with a sheepish expression and his math textbook held close. Izuku, who had already finished his work for the day motioned the blonde to scoot closer to himself. Hitoshi still had his history essay to finish and Izuku liked helping Kaminari. He knew that Kaminari was actually listening when Izuku explained things unlike some of Izuku’s other friends. Ochako was really bad about just wanting the answers instead of understanding the material.
Kaminari leaned into Izuku several times as Izuku was explaining different concepts but Izuku didn’t mind. He knew that Kaminari was probably touch starved as well. Growing up with the ability to electrocute someone on contact didn’t sound like it would promote an environment full of hugs. By the time Kaminari had finished his math homework he was beaming at Izuku. Izuku hadn’t even needed to help him with the last five questions. Kaminari dropped his head onto Izuku’s shoulder with a sigh. They were stretched out on the floor laying shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. The pressure of Kaminari’s warmth had Izuku subtly relaxing. It felt so nice to have someone want to be close to him. “You’re a life saver ‘Riya.”
Izuku let his cheek rest on Kaminari’s hair and his smile felt softer, more real. “You know, you both do that.” Hitoshi quirked his eyebrow up in a manner that was exactly like Aizawa. “You both use the last part of my name. Hito you call me ‘Ku’ and Kaminari calls me ‘Riya’.” Kaminari stiffened when Hitoshi let a lopsided smirk filter across his face.
“That a problem?” Izuku laughed lightly at the teasing tone in Hitoshi’s voice.
“No, just think it’s funny. I kinda like it, no one else ever uses those names.” Kaminari relaxed back into Izuku’s shoulder, shifting even closer than before. Izuku pressed himself closer to Kaminari’s side. He seemed like he really needed the contact today. Izuku understood that. Somedays Izuku needed a hug that never ended and others he wanted to skin anyone who touched him. He understood that sometimes you just need the warmth another human offers.
“Glad you like it.” Kaminari’s voice was muffled and squished due to his cheek still being smooshed into Izuku’s shoulder. His hair was soft against Izuku’s cheek and honestly Izuku was sure he could fall asleep like this if he wanted. He did want to. It was always nice falling asleep next to someone. After a few more seconds Izuku pulled away and began to stand up.
“I should probably head to bed. Goodnight guys.” Hitoshi and Kaminari both called their own goodnights after Izuku. Slipping into sleep that night Izuku had to push away thoughts of the letter. ‘You listen and throw your whole heart into the arena for anyone and everyone. The patience you carry is entrancing and enchanting. A forest filled with endless paths to follow that all lead to a sanctuary of warmth.’ Izuku knew that the letter was a joke, but if it had been real he knew of a couple people he wanted it to come from.
—
“I think I love him, Toshi.”
“I do too, Ki.”
“I wish he could see it.”
“Soon, Ki. Soon.”
—
For the next week Hitoshi kept dragging Izuku into his room after training. Kaminari would follow soon after. It was nice, they would work on homework or listen to music and just be there . It was nice to have someone who was just there. One day Kaminari even read one of his books aloud. It had lulled Hitoshi to sleep but Izuku held onto every word. The way that Kaminari pitched his voice and added emphasis or inflection was mesmerizing to Izuku. For the first time in years Izuku felt wanted. The more that Hitoshi pulled Izuku into his room, the more that Kaminari smooshed himself into Izuku’s side, the more Izuku felt like he had a place.
When Aizawa handed back their latest test he had slipped Izuku back the letter. Izuku didn’t read it again. He shoved it into the back of a notebook and hid that notebook on one of his shelves. He felt wanted and he didn’t want to ruin that with the joke that hurt. ‘You operate in a different world than I do. You spin galaxies and weave universes with your mind. The swirling awe and tempting beauty shows through in your eyes.’ No, Izuku didn’t want to think about the letter but he did. He thought about it and he wished it was real. He knew it wasn’t but hope is a fickle thing and unfortunately it was hard to crush.
—
“Dad knows.”
“Will he help?”
“He gave the letter back.”
“Do you think I should try again?”
“Not yet. I think soon though.”
—
A month. It was a month of Hitoshi dragging Izuku away after training. A month of Denki, because he called him that now , being pressed against Izuku. A month of music and movies and homework and books. A month of feeling wanted and Izuku knew he was screwed. He was completely convinced Hitoshi and Denki were dating at this point but he still craved the hugs and the touches they passed out so freely. He leaned into them and reached for them. He knew he was screwed but he didn’t know what to do about it. A month since the first letter and another one was now staring back at him.
This one was a bit shorter. Only one page but still in English and loopy, swirling writing. This one had his name on the outside and was somehow softer than the last. ‘I know you don’t believe me but I want you to. I want you to know how much I care. How much I love you.’ Instead of handing the letter to Aizawa, Izuku tucked it away into a notebook. He would put it with the first one after classes. He really wished it was real. He wished it was one of them who sent it. He wished a lot of things but the voice in his head knew it couldn’t be.
—
“He didn’t seem upset this time.”
“I think he’s starting to get it.”
“I love him, Toshi.”
“I do too, Ki.”
—
Two months since the first letter. After the second one a letter would appear every week. Not all of them were very long but they showed up without fail. Hitoshi had also given Izuku more pictures. Some of the sky, some of the three of them and some of random objects Hitoshi saw throughout the day. If Izuku stored the pictures next to the letters, well, no one needed to know that. By this point Izuku knew there was no going back. He knew that he was falling in love with both of his friends and there was nothing he could do to change that. He knew they were together even if they never explicitly stated it so he had resigned himself to suffering in silence. The letters were a nice distraction. He was beginning to believe they actually meant what they said.
—
“We should ask him soon.”
“Yeah, yeah I think you’re right.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow.”
—
Soft music was filling the room along with pencil scratches and the soft flip-click of Denki’s fidget. Hitoshi was propped against the wall sketchbook in hand, his legs tangled with Izuku and Denki’s. Denki was sprawled out, half hanging upside down, his hip pressed firmly against Izuku and his legs thrown into the mess that was the three of them. Izuku was laid on his stomach hip to Denki and arm against Hitoshi as he wrote in his notebook. “Hey, Ku?” Izuku tipped his head towards Hitoshi to show he was listening as well as placing his pencil down and closing his notebook around it. “Ki and I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Here it was. They were going to tell him they were together and ask him to stop touching them. “It’s nothing bad, just different.” Denki sat up, using just his abdomedals and that wasn’t impressive, really it wasn’t, pressing himself closer to Izuku. “I’m sure you’ve figured out that Toshi and I are kinda together by now.” Sitting up, Izuku pulled his knees in tight to his chest and nodded. “Well, those letters you’ve been getting? I’ve kinda been the one writing them.”
Izuku’s heart plummeted through his stomach. They were a joke. They were a joke that Denki played and Hitoshi knew about. That hurt a lot more than it should have. Hitoshi leaned into Izuku’s side and applied pressure to Izuku. It was grounding but Izuku didn’t want to be grounded. He wanted to leave but he couldn’t. The pure pleading and want painted across both of their faces had him frozen in place. “Ku, we both really like you. Fuck, we both love you.” Izuku couldn’t breathe. This wasn’t real. Tears swam in his eyes until Denki’s soft thumb brushed them away.
“I promise that every word I wrote is true. We love you and would really like it if you would let us take you on a date.” Tears were freely flowing down Izuku’s face. His legs tangled themselves with Hitoshi and Denki while his body pressed into the two of them how they were pressing into him. He wanted it. He wanted it so badly that he was reaching for it. “Not much would have to change and we can take things at whatever pace works for us. It would just be a bit different if you say yes.”
“If you say no that’s fine too. We still want to be your friend, no matter what you say we aren’t leaving.” Izuku reached one hand towards each of them and gripped their hands tightly.
“Yes. Yes, I w-want to go out w-with you both.” Izuku’s voice cracked and shook through his tears but a smile was split across his face. It wasn’t made of rainbows and sunshine. This one was broken and relieved and so so different than his usual smile. Squeezing Hitoshi and Denki’s hands Izuku let himself revel in the warmth that they provided. He was so glad he got those letters.
—
“He really said yes.”
“He did.”
“Toshi, he said yes!”
“I know, Ki. We have a date with him.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Ki.”
“I also love Zu.”
“I do too, Ki. I do too.”