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“Japan, huh? I’d like to go someday,” Ash said, images of him and Eiji walking the streets together and Eiji showing him around filling his mind. Maybe he’d even be happy. They could be happy. Ash’s heart ached.
“I’d love to take you,” Eiji responded with that soft smile of his. Ash’s eyes burned. There was nothing in this world he wouldn’t do to protect Eiji. Nothing. How could he be so selfish as to think he could run off to Japan with him? Even oceans away, they wouldn’t be safe. As long as Ash was with Eiji, he was in danger. Still, he couldn’t help but dream about what it would be like to be alone with the boy, truly alone一away from all this.
Ash pasted a smile on his face and turned back to Eiji as he continued to speak. They were so close. Close enough that Ash could feel the warmth coming from Eiji’s body beneath the covers. If he only reached out just a little一
“I bet everybody would be surprised. My lil’ sis might even faint.” Eiji made a dramatic motion with both his arms that made his sleep shirt ride up slightly on the sides. Ash tried not to linger on the exposed skin, though it was only visible for a mere second.
“Whatever.” They laughed. Ash felt his chest rising with affection at the sound of Eiji’s laughter. It was his favorite thing to hear. The boy leaned forward towards him as he giggled, and Ash matched the sound. He could stay here forever, in this single moment. If he could just stop the world’s spinning and freeze time, they could linger here in the mirth, in the peace. It was times like these where for once in his life, Ash felt normal. He felt cared for. Loved, even. Eiji wanted to be here with him. Eiji wanted to show him Japan. Eiji wanted to stay by his side as much as Ash wanted to stay by his.
Suddenly, their laughter died out, and their eyes met. Ash could feel his heart pounding in his chest at the electric eye contact, Eiji’s deep brown eyes holding his in the most gentle way. Eiji was still leaning forward into his space, and they were so close that Ash could feel his soft exhales on his cheek. He wanted to feel them in his mouth.
“Ash,” Eiji whispered, and the sudden noise, however soft, startled him in the headiness of their silence. Eiji reached out so, so slowly, giving Ash all the time in the world to pull away, and he placed his hand on Ash’s forearm, sliding down until he could lace their fingers together. The simple touch sent sparks under his skin wherever Eiji made contact with him. Something tugged low in the pit of his stomach. Eiji’s eyes never left his, and he looked so…what did he look like? His face was taut with emotion, and it struck Ash right in the heart.
“Eiji,” Ash whispered back. It was all he could say, like a prayer. A wish.
With trembling fingers, Ash reached up to tuck a lock of midnight hair behind Eiji’s ear before resting his hand on the boy’s jaw. Eiji’s fingers tightened around his own. He distantly recognized his own breathing growing rapid, but so was Eiji’s. Was he allowed to have this? Could he possibly take this, all for himself?
For the first time in what seemed like decades, Eiji’s eyes left Ash’s. His gaze shifted downwards, to Ash’s lips. Then back up. A question. Ash swiped his thumb along Eiji’s cheek, and Ash’s mind chanted Eiji, Eiji, Eiji.
There was barely a breath between them. Eiji’s other hand came to rest over Ash’s heart, clutching at his shirt. “Please,” was the last thing Eiji said before Ash threw a thousand fears out the window and surged forward.
Eiji made a warm humming noise as their lips connected, and Ash’s whole body filled to the brim with heat. It wasn’t like their first kiss, when he was in prison. This was sweet, this was powerful, this was mutual. Suddenly, it all hit Ash like a ton of bricks: Eiji wants this too. He was kissing back, he was scooting across the bed to get closer, his hand was leaving Ash’s to slide behind the back of his neck. And God, the gentle way Eiji’s mouth was moving against his was going to make him explode.
They broke apart for a moment, their foreheads resting against one another as they caught their breath. Eiji leaned in again to steal one last kiss, quick and captivating. Ash’s limbs were light, and he felt like he was floating. He just stared, stared and stared at the boy in front of him, the boy he loved who had just kissed him. And suddenly, Ash was tearing away the comforter over Eiji and pushing him down into the mattress.
Eiji gasped in surprise and scrambled to get his hands in Ash’s hair, but Ash was already one step ahead of him. Their mouths met hotly, and Ash nearly groaned at the sensation. Eiji’s hands carded gently through his hair, and his stomach was doing somersaults. Eiji felt so good. So right, beneath him. For the first time, he felt wholly safe and cherished while being intimate with someone. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. He hoped Eiji wouldn’t notice; he didn’t want to stop any time soon.
Eiji slowly raised up his knees so they caged Ash’s hips in, and at the same time, he opened his mouth, slightly tugging on Ash’s hair in order to tilt his head to the side. Ash could take a hint, and carefully he slid his tongue into the boy’s mouth.
The heat of it was almost too much for him to bear. Eiji writhed beneath him, trying to get closer, closer, closer. Fireworks went off in his mind, alighting his body. Eiji was making these soft humming noises directly into Ash’s mouth, and yeah, he could die happy.
Suddenly, Ash tore his mouth away to bury his face in the crook of Eiji’s neck, breathing hard and fast. He felt the stuttering rise and fall of Eiji’s chest as the boy’s hands raked down his back. After a minute of them breathing in time with each other, Ash placed a hesitant kiss on Eiji’s neck. Then another. Three, four. Eiji leaned up into his mouth, seeking out his touch. Ash felt a hand snake up the inside of his shirt.
“Is this…okay?” Eiji asked.
Ash didn’t hesitate. “Yes.” The skin-on-skin contact felt incredible一better than anything he’d ever felt.
“Eiji,” he said.
“Yes?”
Ash stopped what he was doing to look directly into the boy’s eyes.
“I should have…” he trailed off.
Eiji cupped his face in his hands. “What is it?”
“I should have done this sooner.” He let his head fall down to the center of Eiji’s chest. Eiji’s arms immediately encircled him.
“It’s okay, Ash.”
Ash’s eyes welled up with tears. He hid them in Eiji’s shirt. “It’s not. We’ve lost so much time and…I don’t know how much we will have left.”
“Don’t say that. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“I didn’t want to be selfish. I didn’t think I could have you. I didn’t want to drag you further into this.” He brought his head back up to look at Eiji. The boy’s eyes were drooping, and he looked like he was falling asleep.
Still, he responded. “You’re not dragging me into anything. I’m choosing to be here. I’m choosing you.” He yawned. A fist clenched around Ash’s heart.
“I just want you to be safe.”
“So keep me safe.” The boy’s eyes closed all the way. Ash climbed off of him and replaced the covers. He pushed the hair off of Eiji’s forehead and kissed him there. He stood, watching as soft puffs of air escaped Eiji's lips. He now knew what those lips felt like.
“Never shall I forgive whomever should hurt you. No matter whom it is.” He kneeled carefully at the bedside, clutching the covers like they were his lifeline.
“I won’t let anybody hurt you.”