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“5000 Rupee.” The Hooded man beamed holding out the magical bauble. Bouncing it lightly in his palm in a way that catches the light.
You step backwards balking at the obvious rip-off. “WHAT? No. Absolutely not… That’s absurd.”
“…3000 Rupee!” He tries again, slightly less enthusiastically.
“….”
You grumble narrowing your eyes. If you didn’t absolutely need this stupid item to get through the next dungeon you swear to The Three, you’d strangle that smug bunny-bastard with his own scarf right here and now. You inspect your wallet knowing full-well that you dont have anywhere near that much. You lean away from his prying, expectant eyes, and count: 500..flat.
Whelllp… Shit.
“500?” You offer. Trying to sound more confident than you are.
“Mmmmm…..” Ravio appears deep in thought as he considers this tapping the side of his chin. “No dice” He says in an infuriating singsong. “I mean…. Unless that’s the Down payment?” He smiles, showing his teeth and steeples his fingers in front of him.
You look non-plussed. A cough and a sour look from someone in the Chain behind you seems to shake him just a little.
“I meaaaannnn….” He drags out the words in a falsetto. “You could always rent it? For a nominal fee of course! Plus interest… and You know, in the Teensy Weensy off- chance that you fall in battle I-“
He keeps talking but you miss it. Legend is standing behind you and squeezes your shoulder, his eyes wide. You turn to meet his gaze. He shakes his head slowly and gives you a meaningful look. Ravio is still talking.
You give the vet a nod and turn back to the ‘merchant’ in front of you and cut him off.
“Yeahhhh…..No.” You fold your arms in front of you. “Ain’t happening. What about a trade.”
“A….trade?” He repeats, and pulls back his hood, intrigued. You are somewhat taken aback by just how MUCH he looks like the ‘Hero of Legend’ standing behind you, scowling. It makes sense..but still. Wow. Surreal… You shake your head trying to bring it back into the moment.
“Yeah..” You double down. “A trade, surely a ‘fine and worldly traveling purveyor of wares’ such as yourself recognized the utility of having access to rare and new commodities of other worlds…” You coo at him, leaning across the counter. “Exclusively.” You are quite proud of yourself for your delivery. YOU should be a salesperson.
His eyes widen at this. A light dance behind them. Greed, maybe?
‘Got ‘im’ you think smugly to yourself.
You can feel rather than see the various members of the chain relaxing a little behind you. Perhaps this little trip will be less painful than initially thought. A idea buds behind Ravio’s eyes before you, settles and blooms into a visible determination. This is going well, you think. All of you had picked up tons of random and rare items from the various timelines in your travels surely there’s Something that would catch his fancy. There’s no way this little weasel will pass-
“500 rupee… and-“
Yes! You pull out the monies.
“A…a Kiss!”
Wait..what?
“P-Pardon me?” You ask. Surely you misheard him.. Is he asking for Keese? You have a shit-tonne of those but they’re so very common and..
He clears his throat and rakes a hand through his dark hair. “A kiss…from you.” He nods to you with his nose. “That is an acceptable trade.” He says, trying hard and failing to fight the blush crawling up his face and turning his ear-tips beet red. He tugs absently at the hem of his scarf.
Legend opens his mouth, beginning to step around you. You can see the rage roiling off of him in literal waves. You put your arm out in front of his chest to block his path and look back at him. Something in your eyes and the set of your jaw makes him stand down, albeit with obvious reluctance. He glowers at Ravio from behind your shoulder. You step forward, and Ravio almost steps back but catches himself.
“Y-You’re serious?”
He gulps and nods, wringing his hands in front of him.
“Huh…” You begin to step around the counter and into his personal space, “Well…. If that’s what you want.”
You grab him by the collar of his robes and pull him tight against you. One hand bound in the fabric of his clothes, the other cradles the back of his head, and begins to tenderly caress his hair. He melts into your arms, as you explore his mouth with your own. You lean forward, deepening the soul-kiss. You tip the slightly smaller man backwards against the counter behind him and pin him to it with your body. He lets a low guttural sound escape his lips as his knees buckle and threaten to give out. Just when He’s about to fall you yank him back upright, a bright smile on your face.
“Like that?” You ask as you straighten his robe and scarf and dust off his shoulders.
“T-That…that will do it.” He murmurs, a rough panting edge to his voice now.. “T-that was… That was-“ He fumbles for words
“Yeaaahhh..” You smile coyly and lean into his face to rub your nose against his briefly. “I know. Imagine if I actually Liked you.” You purr into his ear, and take the magical item from his shaking hand before he can process your words. “Thanks!” You smile sunnily and begin to walk towards the door.
“W-wait!” he calls after you, and you turn to see the strange misty look in his eyes.. Aw.. You really did a number on the poor man.
…Good.
“I mean… I think this was all we needed for now..” You hold up the item in your hand. “But we know where you are!” you add with a grin.
He smiles back, still looking ruffled but now also hopeful.
“I-I’ll keep a good inventory! O-Only the best prices for my best c-“
“Just so you know..” You cut him off “Next kiss you get?.. Miiiiight be from this guy.”
You point beside you to Time, who folds his arms and gives the much smaller man a death stare. His message is clear, it will absolutely Not. “So….maybe consider changing your pricing system a little, yeah? You know? At least like… a loyal customer card or something…. BYE!” You call sunnily as you exit the small house-turned-storefront to the staring faces of all. Moments later Legend follows you outside, eyes wide, mouth agape, and hands in his hair.
You turn and poke a finger hard right into the middle of his chest before he can even get a word out.
“NO! No… No. Not one word. Ever. Now.…’ You toss your new toy into that air in a casual roll of the wrist and catch it, deftly, sticking it up in front of his face. “Lets go get this stupid temple overwith.”